Deep inside the Zoldyck Manor, twisting through the ancient stone halls and sitting next to the Gaurd dog, Zeke, two prominent members of the Zoldyck Estate sat at a table. Silva Zoldyck settled near his dog and waited. His eyes narrowed as his father, Zeno, sat across and set up the pieces for the Gungi board between them. Zeno made the first move.

"Your son is quite the genius Silva." Zeno complimented. "In all my years, I don't think I've seen one of his ilk with such potential."

Silva made the second.

"I'd expect no less."

Zeno chuckled as they traded back and forth. Silva's eyes twitched as he fell behind in the latter half of the game, and Zeno pounced on his blunder. "Will this change things, Silva?" Zeno asked, setting up to win the match. "He is now certainly a genius, even among Zoldycks. Suppose you birth a silver-haired child; it is unlikely they will be better."

Silva lost an advantageous position and smirked.

"You must be losing your touch, old man," Silva laughed, conceding the game. The last move had sealed off his chance at winning; there was no point in fighting an enemy he couldn't beat. He cleared the board and counted the pieces.

"Our ways have never been wrong. Our family has never been wrong, instead of worrying over baseless speculation you should rejoice, Father."

Silva let the pieces fall into their starting position as his lips twitched a few inches higher.

"For I will birth a silver-haired prodigy even greater than the genius I already have."

Silva smirked, a sight he only let a sparse few see, and to that, Zeno was forced to concede. He grinned wickedly as he replied, "Yes, yes, I suppose that would be a great boon to the family. Let's hope he'll reach heights comparable to us."

"He'll reach further, old man, I guarantee it."

Silva settled for another game, his smirk fading as his father snorted, "While I admire the confidence, maybe tone it down a notch. Hubris is a killer, and I must say, you might already be losing your touch. How else would you let a little tiger like that get the jump on you."

Silva started the game and got pinned embarrassingly quickly.

"Do I need to go back and teach you the basics, Silva?" Zeno smirked as he won an early advantage and forced his son to concede defeat. "He nearly grazed you."

"It is a mistake I will only make once," Silva said, rubbing his finger over the new scratch on the collar of his shirt by his shoulder. He had been caught off guard, to say the least, and while he could find a hint of pride somewhere in his chest, he smothered it with cold logic. "Punishments can be dealt out later; for now, we can use this as a training exercise. No reason to stop his growth while it's so explosive."

"I wholeheartedly agree," Zeno said, taking out a hunter phone as he dialed their family's oldest and most trusted servant. He tossed the phone to Silva. He caught it and spoke once the line was answered, "Have you found him yet, Tsubone?"

"Yes, Master Silva," Tsubone said, her voice whispering over the line, "He's moving quite fast, but he isn't in the state of mind to hide his presence. I can capture him if you want me to?"

"No, let him be. Just observe. Intervene if it looks like he'll hurt himself." Silva said before adding, "Order the servants to detain him. They can use as much force as necessary to capture him alive. Ensure that they contact me once he's subdued."

"As you wish, Master Silva," Tsubone said, the call ending as Silva stood up and walked to the door. Idly tossing the phone to his father, Zeno idly taunted, "Leaving already? I still think I have a few wins up my sleeve if you aren't in a hurry."

"You can keep them for another day, Father," Silva said, moving to the door with a silent step. This prolonged and unexpected surprise aside, he had work to do. His wife was still sobbing with joy in their chambers, and unless he wanted to sleep next to that mess, he had to calm her down now. He'd have to push off punishments until tomorrow, with how happy she was it could take a while to calm her ecstasy.

"Ah, heading to Kikyo, I see." Zeno caught on quickly, witnessing Kikyo's reaction to the day's events. Silva didn't have to think hard to guess the old man's intentions as he walked towards the door, hands behind his back.

"Very well then, Silva, in that case, I'll be off. Stretch these old legs of mine."

Zeno probably guessed that Kikyo's fanatic love would be on a different level and wanted nothing to do with it. Not that Silva disagreed. He had never seen her this happy before. Not in all the time he'd known her. Although it wasn't like Silva could blame her. It was a good omen that his son had become ruthless enough to turn his blade against his own Father.

"Have fun, Silva..."

It made for the best assassins.

"I for one, have had enough family theatrics for one day."

Unlike his other spawn, Illumi had a bright future ahead of him.

When Milluki woke up, after lumbering himself to the bed in the corner of the room across the window, he'd stared out of for hours. He didn't see the pearly gates he expected. Or a new world where maybe he'd get a better roll of the dice. No, instead of all that, he woke up with a headache. A terrible headache.

Ow...

A stabbing, piercing headache.

Ugh... did Illu give me a concussion during training? That sucks.

Milluki groaned as he sat up, gently touching his forehead and wincing as he felt a stab of pain shoot through his brain. Yeah, definitely a concussion. He tilted his head back and groaned. He was setting his hands behind his back as he tried to recline on the fluffy covers for support. His attempt at relaxing to get his mind off the concussion failed as he felt tiny, sharp, brittle objects crunch beneath his weight.

"Ow, what the," Milluki said, shooting up as he looked at his hands and found them littered with jagged pieces of glass. His brows furrowed before he shivered, suddenly noticing a draft in the room, and turned toward the shattered window. His eyes were wide as he saw the moonlight trickling into the room, and a shadowed figure was standing on the windowsill and coldly carrying a gagged man into the room.

It was the man from the test, and he looked terrified. Gagged screaming flooded the room as he struggled against the chains binding his skin and flailing around helplessly. He was dragged through the broken window before being tossed at the foot of the bed. Milluki stared at the man before he got up and walked over, standing between the collapsed prisoner and the one who had brought him there.

"What's going on, Illu?" Milluki asked, looking up at his brother's void expression. It was weird, Milluki couldn't fathom as to why Illumi had felt the need to break in and drag a prisoner along for the ride. Or why Illumi was covered in cuts and bruises, caked in blood that seemed to be his own for once. His finger roughly realigned, signaling that it had been broken recently. Why did he look that way? Why was he bloody? Was he injured? Who injured him? How?

"Illu, what happened?"

And why were his eyes somehow darker than before?

"Why are you-"

"Millu." Illumi's voice echoed through the room, shooting through Milluki's chest as he felt his breath escape his lungs. His eyes trembled as Illumi's pale features darkened and a cloud of animosity shrouded his body. A killing intent so vile and frightening that Milluki felt his bones quiver.

"You were told to kill that man."

Milluki gasped, his breathing becoming increasingly spastic as the air itself seemed to dig into his skin. Milluki's eyes were locked onto the void black pupils that seemed to hold an endless abyss of nothingness underneath. Illumi's gaze had never been this bad before. Milluki couldn't even think straight with it trained in him. His body was panicking.

"So kill him."

He was utterly petrified. Milluki's skin writhed in fright, his heart hammered in his chest, his blood pounded in his ears. He couldn't think of anything except that Illumi was going to slaughter him right there and then. He was dead. He was standing before death, and it was all he could think about. He didn't even notice the needle slipped into his fingers or the frantic shaking of the prisoner sitting next to him, sobbing against the footboard of the bed.

"Now."

Milluki didn't notice his arm snap backward as the needle clenched in his grip pierced the man's artery. He didn't notice the smell of iron thickening. He didn't see the warm liquid stain his fingertips or the man's convulsions, blood splattering from his throat. He didn't hear how the man writhed in agony before flopping over dead. The entirety of Milluki's attention was on Illumi, watching as his brother's inhuman gaze returned to its typical indifference, and Milluki could breathe again.

"Good job," Illumi said casually, and Milluki blinked in confusion. His brain took a second to grasp the situation as he turned to the body. The corpse. He looked at it, then looked back to Illumi and asked with a surprising calmness, "What did I do?"

"You killed him," Illumi replied casually, and Milluki couldn't stop himself. He lunged, his fist smacking into Illumi's cheek. Illumi didn't even blink, and Milluki felt the skin on his knuckles split. He was pretty sure he broke his wrist, but the pain didn't register. It was probably the adrenaline and the fact that he'd already been through worse.

"Why did you bring him here!" Milluki roared as he retreated his throbbing bloody knuckles, "I already told Gotoh I wouldn't do it! Why did you come!"

"You were failing your test. I decided to give you some motivation." Illumi shrugged, tilting his head as he asked honestly, "Did I do something wrong?"

"You made me kill him!"

"No, I didn't. I threatened you." Illumi said, pointing to the bloody needle still in Milluki's grip and the corpse it was stained from, "You were the one that decided to kill him instead of standing up to me."

"I wasn't thinking!" Milluki denied. "You scared me!"

"Does that matter?" Illumi asked, "He's still dead."

"Of course, it matters!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to kill anyone!" Milluki snapped. His vision died red as he gripped the needle away and pointed at the corpse. "Dying is horrible! Killing is horrible! What don't you get about that!"

Milluki watched Illumi blink in confusion, and his rage reached its peak. Anger pooled as he thought about how he had died. Weak. Young. What right did he have to take a life? When he'd lost his too soon. What he would've given for another month. A day. An hour. A minute. A second. An instant.

"I hate this family!" Milluki spat, his fury buried over the last two years spilling over, "I hate the torture! I hate assassins! I hate you! I hate killing!"

Why didn't anyone in this insane family get that? What right did he have to take a life? He had been the one begging for his not to be taken away! What was he supposed to do to get away from it all? Milluki thought he would do anything at this point.

"I'd rather die than kill someone!"

"Would you?" Illumi asked, and Milluki froze. His head throbbed as Illumi's finger rubbed his forehead and pulled back to reveal blood. Illumi's voice was calm as he said, "You didn't."

"I panicked."

"Your breath isn't erratic," Illumi observed, and Milluki blinked. His anger fell from a fire to a simmering boil as Illumi counted off his current mood: "You are angry, Millu, yes, but it's not a panicked frenzy. You're conversing with me and can express your emotions clearly."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"See, you just did it." Illumi snapped his fingers, and Milluki clenched his jaw shut. His eyes burned with fury as he tried to balance his attention between his brother, the corpse, and his current mental state, and he realized he could do it surprisingly well. An epiphany that made him even angrier.

"You're talking nonsense, Illu," Milluki growled. Illumi shook his head and walked back to the window, sitting on the sill, pointing towards the corpse and noting. "You're able to look at it."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"You would've thrown up if it was unsettling."

"I didn't eat," Milluki said immediately, his hand drifting to his oddly quiet stomach. His mind itself felt oddly precise. Why? He had killed someone. He could still smell the lingering blood, but everything seemed different. His mind was...

"It'll happen eventually."

Organized. Organized in its anger and organized in its frustrations, but organized nonetheless.

"I must be in shock," Milluki denied, his hands oddly still as he turned to the needle in his grip and tilted it toward his throat. Illumi didn't believe him. Fine, he'd give him proof right now. He was waiting for his family to kill him anyway; now that he'd messed up and taken a life, he might as well do it himself.

"See ya never Illu," Milluki said as he jabbed the needle towards his artery, the exact location where he'd killed the man. He was going to die. Go to the next life and see if he ended up somewhere better. Maybe Full Metal or something. At least there, if he got poked and prodded, it wouldn't be by his family. Milluki was ready to die and be done with it.

"Millu."

The fact that he was still breathing said otherwise.

"I still see you," Illumi said as Milluki froze. His train of thought derailed as the bones in his body cemented together before he could finish the strike. He didn't understand. He'd already died once. It wasn't scary. He had thought he wasn't afraid of dying, but it wasn't working. The needle wouldn't draw blood, no matter how much he tried. It just stayed there, millimeters off his skin.

"Why..."

It was like his body was refusing to acknowledge it.

"Why can't I do it?"

His will to die and end this nightmarish life.

"I don't understand," Milluki said brokenly as the knife dropped from his grip. Tears streamed down his face as he turned to Illumi. His brother didn't showcase any emotion, as always. Illumi's voice was indifferent to its core: "It's simple."

Milluki didn't think it was simple.

"You want to live."

Milluki didn't want it to be simple.

"That's why you traded his life for your own," Illumi said as Milluki blinked, his face pale. He turned to the corpse and looked away, "I won't do it next time. I'll refuse, and you'll kill me. That's what I want."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't."

"Shut up! What do you know!" Milluki snapped, his fists clenched as he turned from the corpse. It was wrong, but he didn't feel anything about it. The death he'd caused. It must be the shock. His shock still wasn't over yet, and once it was, he'd feel it.

"What do you even know about me, Illu?"

He had to feel something.

"You don't-"

"I know you don't actually want to die," Illumi said, and Milluki froze. His breath escaped from his lungs as Illumi stood from his seat in the window, his eyes deep and endless as he stared through Milluki. "If you wanted to die, you would've done it a long time ago. Even if you couldn't cut yourself, there's a cliff nearby. You've had plenty of chances."

Illumi walked over, crouched at eye level, and Milluki felt his heart race.

"But you didn't," Illumi said. "You waited and stalled, and even now, you said that I would kill you."

Milluki's body was trembling, but his mind was clear. Horribly so.

"You subconsciously avoided saying that you'd kill yourself."

It was why he could tell he was mad at Illumi for taking this so lightly. He was upset that he couldn't puncture his own throat. He was frustrated that he was coherent, but he didn't feel devastated that the man died. It's like it wasn't even registering.

"There's a reason you were taking the longest route to death."

Milluki didn't get it.

"There are some things you can only know by doing, and now that you've killed someone you know."

How could he feel so hopeless the first time he killed a bird but not a human?

"Survival is your first priority," Illumi said, trying to prove a point, and Milluki hated that he understood it. He hated that understanding it pissed him off more than killing someone. Milluki gazed at blood-stained fingers. His mind worked quickly, laying out the yarn of thoughts scrambling in his head until he had a clear idea of his feelings. His thoughts.

"I don't want to kill people."

That was true. Thank god that still felt true. Milluki didn't want to kill anyone, but apparently, he didn't mind killing someone. His body had killed someone when his mind couldn't, and it didn't feel bad for it. He couldn't understand it. He should've felt bad for it. He'd spent weeks mourning Kye. Was there some gear in his brain that wasn't accepting it? Was there something wrong with him?

"Why don't I feel anything, Illu?" Milluki asked desperately, his eyes shaking as he watched Illumi shrug. His brother's face was blank as he glanced around the room, lingering on the shattered window before saying calmly, "It's a result of your training."

"Training?" Milluk asked, his eyes wide as he recalled Kye and asked in disbelief, "How? I haven't killed anyone before. This doesn't make sense."

"Not that training," Illumi said, turning back to Milluki as he walked over to the window and sat on the sill. His hands were resting atop the jagged glass and drawing blood that wasn't acknowledged in the slightest. Illumi explained, "Do you recall Pink Hyacinths?"

"The ones you stabbed me with? I remember." Milluli said, having a difficult time not recognizing the deadly flower. It was one of the worst poisons, leaving him with migraines that lasted for hours and leaving him with vertigo for days. He'd been given it 180 Illumies ago and finally got off it fifty Illumies ago. There wasn't much else to say about it.

Except apparently there was, because Illumi said, "Pink Hyacinth isn't just for causing headaches. It's special. That's why it's only grown in this estate, where we can access it. It's meant to condition the chemicals in your brain, and your reaction to killing is a symptom."

"Symptom?"

"Do you know what guilt physically is? Sympathy? Empathy?" Illumi asked, and Milluki shook his head. Illumi jabbed his head, "It is a neurological reaction. A series of chemical changes in the brain that cause feelings like guilt and sympathy. When used over a long period of time, poison helps lower the number of chemical reactions produced by those dials in your head."

Illumi watched Milluki with his pitch-black eyes.

"Having those emotions running freely isn't useful in our line of work," Illumi said, his expression blank as dark eyes reflected Milluki's pale face. Milluki's heart sank as he saw his eyes, void and dull—not quite like Illumi's but similar—eyes that didn't care about the corpse lingering in the background.

"Fix it." Milluki demanded, looking Illumi in the eyes as he repeated, "Fix it. Fix me. I didn't ask for this."

"That is irrelevant." Illumi dismissed, "And there isn't anything left to fix. The damage is done."

"What do you mean?"

"Pink Hyacinth isn't meant to be used forever. It's used to restructure the brain and leave." Illumi said, glancing out the window, "Depending on the person, there can be different levels of success. Yours seemed to have been on the better end, but once the process is complete, that's it. There is no fixing it." Illumi said, turning to Milluki with a raised eyebrow, "I don't see a reason to, either."

"Reason?" Milluki laughed in disbelief. His voice strained as he struggled not to scream, failing as his pent-up frustration tore from his throat, "The reason is that I don't want to be a dull robot like you! You ever think of that!? Of course, you didn't! You never think of anything besides being an assassin."

"That's all that matters."

"Not to me!" Milluki growled. "I'm not going to be like that! I'm not going to be like you!"

"Then you can be like him," Illumi said, indifferently pointing to the corpse. "It's your choice."

The declaration was quiet, but Milluki's rage vanished instantly. The weight of Illumi's words rested on his neck as he felt the air chill. Illumi moved from the window sill, and Milluki tried to back up. Tripping over the corpse and landing in a pool of blood. Milluki's eyes were wide as Illumi leisurely raised his hand and whispered, "What are you waiting for, Millu?"

Milluki's head was pounding. His breath was getting quicker, and his vision was blurry with tears. He was panicking again; he couldn't think. All he could do was listen, latch on to Illumi's every word, and watch as the tip of a finger hovered an inch from his forehead. Illumi inspected him like he was a new species.

"Go ahead, little brother. Tell me what you want."

Milluki couldn't breathe.

"If you want to die, I'll grant your wish." Illumi offered, and Milluki felt his heart jump in his throat. His eyes were trembling as he groaned, trying to get his voice to work but failing. His eyes watering as a raspy cry tore from his throat, and he grabbed his hair, looking down at the pool of blood and sobbing. He couldn't say it. Why couldn't he say it?

"I want..."

Milluki's voice broke as a guttural anger bubbled from his throat. His head was swimming as he bit his tongue and tried to make it do something. Anything. His mind was still working through his thoughts too well. Still ignoring the blood he was sitting in. The fact that he was the person that caused it. All his mind could focus on was answering Illumi's demands.

"I want..."

Say what he wanted, say it loudly. He just had to say it. That's what his mind was telling him.

"I want..."

The words, 'I want to die,' lingered on his lips.

"I want..."

They never escaped. Any time they got close, he'd think of his actions. He'd already broken his promise to refuse to kill a human and die for it. Every time Milluki tried to rationalize it and make an excuse for himself, he failed. The fear he felt, engraved into his bones, was there, and Illumi's voice rang in his head, tauntingly reminding him why he couldn't avoid it. The truth he'd tried to smother to avoid killing.

'Survival is your first priority.'

Milluki felt like he was going insane.

"I want to live, Illu." Milluki laughed, his eyes watering as he held his head in his hands and tried to think of something. Anything. Now, what would he do? Death wasn't foreign to him, but he didn't want to die. He didn't want to kill anyone, but he wasn't in the position to do so, not if he wanted to live. And deep down, he still wanted to live; he wanted to live longer than his first life.

"What do I do?"

He wanted a long life in this strange but fantastic world.

"I don't want to kill a mountain of people just to stay alive," Miluki whispered. His eyes were bleak as he looked at Illumi and got the least expected answer.

"Then don't."

Milluki blinked as Illumi blinked, the staring match ending as Milluki sputtered, "Wha- I, I can do that?"

"Of course," Illumi said, using his fingers to draw a mountain in the air, "A mountain of corpses is at least a couple thousand. You can kill far less than that if you pick your missions correctly."

"I don't want to kill anyone."

"That is impossible." Illumi said, ignoring Milluki's despair as he explained, "There have been cases where we take missions that don't require killing, fraud, and espionage being the most prominent, but those are mostly for connections or earning extra revenue and experience. Father's true expectations have always been for us to perform our duties as assassins, to support the family."

Illumi looked into Milluki's eyes and said with a grave sense of finality.

"We are renowned for being assassins who always complete our missions without failure. If we didn't kill, there would be no family. Father will not allow any of his children to stray from that path. Father will not tolerate anyone anchoring the family."

Milluki stared as Illumi's words echoed through the air. They were correct, objectively, but their implications stirred something in Milluki.

"An anchor, huh..."

An idea.

"Illu..."

And a question.

"Father, is the one who makes the rules right about all this? Everything would be fine if he said I didn't have to kill."Milluki asked, his mind running through puzzle pieces as he tried to see the bigger picture. A way he could live without having to kill for money. The way he saw it, there were only two options. Running away, or convincing Father to make an exception.

"That is correct. He is in charge, and it would be fine if he allowed it."

Both seemed to be dead ends at first glance.

"Everything comes down to what the family head decides," Illumi said as Milluki chewed on his lip. His thoughts flicked between his bloody fingers and the inevitabilities presented to him. If he ran away, he'd most likely be hunted and die. Suppose he asked to be an exception. He'd be denied, then killed for being an anchor and die. In both presented scenarios, he died.

"Right now, the head of the family is Father, Millu."

In both scenarios, he didn't get his long life.

"You can ask him, but I highly doubt he'll let you ignore the family business. It's never been done before, to my knowledge," Illumi said as Milluki's concentration lay bare. From what Milluki could guess about Silva, the father he literally hadn't seen since the day he was born, the most important thing Silva valued was continuing the family business—supporting the Zoldycks in the most traditional methodology possible: assassination.

As Illumi said, there probably hadn't been any exceptions to that practice. Zoldycks were traditional, a family of assassins ready to stay a family of assassins. Even in Hunter x Hunter, the original Milluki was still expected to kill people. He remembered something about bombs being strapped to flies.

Milluki wouldn't be surprised if there had never been a single exception made in the entire history of the Zoldyck family. In the time he was living, the idea of a Zoldyck not being an assassin was impossible. It had never happened before.

But it would.

In the future, there will be an exception in the show Milluki watched in his old world, Hunter x Hunter. Silva willingly made a single exception. Having a Zoldyck that wasn't also an assassin was possible. Milluki already knew the first one to do so.

He just needed to be the second.

"Thanks Illu." Milluki said as he took a deep breath. His eyes were cold as he looked at his fingers and the dry blood between them. It was awful, the nothing he felt about it, but what was done was done. If he were no longer instinctively able to feel guilt about killing, then he'd just have to feel it consciously. Remind himself it isn't right. That it isn't what he wants.

"I think I know what I'm going to do now."

What Milluki truly wanted was two things.

I'm going to live.

He wanted to live a long life in a world he loved, even if it was part of a family he hated. He needed to survive training with a body that was already struggling to keep up with the crazy refining process expected of a Zoldyck. He had to survive until he found a way to get the second thing he wanted, one that was harder than the first.

Then, once I find a way to survive training...

To not be a part of the family business.

I'll find a way to have Father make an exception.

To not be forced to kill. To not be a hired assassin at his family's beck and call. Even if he couldn't feel the guilt of killing anymore, he refused to fall in line and be what they wanted him to be. He'd remind himself every day, if he had to, that he didn't want to kill. That in a different life, he was the one begging for someone to save him. Praying to survive.

He'd make it a daily routine because he was already terrified that he'd forget it one day. One day, he might grow so numb, might get so used to it, that he forgets he never wanted to take anyone's life in the first place. One day, he might look at everything with the same stare he could now look at a body with.

"You helped me realize something, Illu."

One day, he might wake up and see the world as Illumi does.

"I will never be like you," Milluki declared, watching as Illumi showed zero indication of being hurt by the insult—not even blinking out of rhythm as he said, "Of course not. Your body is far too frail." Illumi tilted his head, "You might look like me, though. Mother says our facial features are similar."

"That isn't what I meant."

"I know," Illumi said, shocking Milluki to the core as his older brother, the 8-year-old psychopath, walked over to the fresh corpse and carried it to the window, looking back with a blank expression. "You still want to try to get Father to make an exception. I don't think you'll succeed, but if you want to try it, go ahead. It could be good practice for planning missions in the future."

In the next moment, Milluki would watch Illumi jump out the window with the corpse, vanishing from the premises in a blur of speed he couldn't catch with his eyes. Milluki would return to the Zoldyck manor the next day, and when he did.

"Just remember, Millu, you're an assassin, even if you don't recognize it yet. It's who you are."

Illumi would be gone.

"Survival is your first priority."

Milluki wouldn't see him again for another 5 years.