Trigger warning… this may be something not all readers may be comfortable with reading so just fyi.
Lucy was quick to learn that Natsu was the one person to keep her going. He was someone who had crashed into her life, forced her to act uncharacteristically odd, and then flip her entire world upside down.
And with no apology at that.
Were all men like this? Stomp through one's world, cause a scene, and then just act as if they did nothing wrong?
Sure, Natsu was in a different category than her fiancé since he wasn't outright hurting or insulting her but he still came into her life and ruined a bunch of her future plans.
Even if she told him, would he care that he did?
Ever since that one night she had met up with Natsu nearly two weeks ago, she had been learning a lot from the letters they continued to exchange and even practicing what he tells her to try. She had worked hard to try and feel for magic but she had no idea what she was even doing and what she was supposed to be feeling. Sometimes when she was alone in her chambers and meditating, she felt like she could feel something but she was unsure. She tried her best to bathe herself in the starlight nearly every night, sitting out on her balcony where she would read or even write to the dragon king.
Though it was only baby steps, Lucy always kept telling herself this was a lot more than she used to be able to do. She felt stronger, especially during the night after bathing in the starlight but it always dimmed back down by the time she was awake in the mornings.
The week after she and Natsu had parted ways, Lucy had found out that the entire week she was in such high spirits and energy. She didn't know if it was due to her taking from Natsu since he practically forced her multiple times to feed from him and while she didn't mind being plowed into the grassy earth by a dragon king, the bruises on her skin definitely did.
She even slept all through the nights and woke up feeling refreshed. Some of her maids even commented how her skin was practically glowing with beauty and for once, she believed it.
Happy continued to come see her but not as often as he used to. She would see him about twice a week now and he always came bearing gifts and letters but he claimed he had other matters to attend to.
And Natsu had grown busier as well. With what? She wasn't too sure. Natsu always kept his word short when it came to his work and business and she was sure he just didn't want to overwhelm her with any of it, especially when they had limited space to write.
But she wishes that he could come back to her lands, even for one night again, so she could be helped by the gentle king and kissed as if they would die if they didn't.
She would not mind even if they just sat there in silence for the majority of the night. She truly enjoyed being in his presence. It always felt so warm and oddly safe. As if she knew if he was there, nothing would happen and she always trusted that gut feeling.
Lucy couldn't get those images and memories out of her head. The way the dragon king ran his tongue across his skin. How his strong arms held her down as he thrusted so deeply into her. How he would whisper sweet nothings in her ear and tell her how beautiful she was while he was pounding into her. The warm hands that ran all over her body.
Lucy had spent many days and many nights craving those hot touches and feeling hot and bothered herself. She even tried to experiment by caressing her own breasts and groping at her body but no matter what, it wasn't the same.
She needed Natsu like he was a drug. He was addicting and so enticing that the princess was becoming obsessed with him.
Surely it was not healthy to obsess over a man that wasn't even her betrothed but Lucy couldn't find it in herself to feel ashamed about it.
The princess was head over heels in love with the dragon king.
And she didn't care.
With her wedding three weeks away, the princess could feel the impending doom seep deep inside of her. It rattled her to her bones, leaving her shivering sometimes at night and unable to even feed off from the starlight due to her high emotions.
It was worse since she had not heard from the dragon king in days. Nor had she seen Happy for that matter and while her letters were piling up in her drawer, none had yet to be delivered.
Where could he be? Was he alright? Was Natsu alright? What was going on?
The princess could feel herself deteriorating as the days went by with no word or sight of her newly made furry companion. She would even accidentally fall asleep outside waiting for any sign of him in the dark skies and wake up shivering from the cold in the middle of the night.
It worried her that all of a sudden Happy stopped coming. Surely Natsu would have said something if something had happened.. right?
All these negative thoughts plagued the princess and it wasn't long before she was back to her dull robotic self, getting through the days on autopilot. She truly did not know how she went on for so long feeling like this—it was so heavy and even she knew that as she had spent the last couple weeks feeling as light as a feather.
Now as she felt like a hundred pounds was thrown onto her shoulder, Lucy was struggling to even get out of bed some days.
She would stare at her balcony doors, wondering what Natsu and Happy were doing. If they were well. If they haven't forgotten about her.
It would make her chest twist in pain when she would sometimes overthink herself into fear.
What if they forgot about her? What if Natsu got tired of her? What if he realized she was more of a burden than he thought and just decided to cut her off?
But that biting feeling inside of her told her Natsu wouldn't do that to her. He would not be such a cruel man, especially towards her. He would have at least said something.
But as days turned into a week and a week turned into two, Lucy was growing mad.
She began to cry at night, wondering where she had gone wrong. Why she had so foolishly believed that Natsu was going to save her and love her like she loved him. How could she be so stupid to believe the dragon king would feel any affection towards a weak, pathetic princess like herself who couldn't even weld any type of magic?
It was devastating how much it hurt the princess when she thought of such things and it felt as if she had already plunged the knife into her chest. Would it feel like this when she actually did the act? Or would it hurt less or more?
Lucy had no idea something like this would hurt her so much. She had been hurt plenty of times yet why was this hitting her so hard? Why was it so hard to breathe at times and why did it feel as if her entire world was crumbling before her eyes?
She didn't even feel this way when she had lost her mother nor did she feel such a pain when the king first announced her engagement to the duke. Not the nasty words her step-mother would spit her way or the blows she received when she wasn't acting 'right' in the abuser's eyes.
It was a suffocating, painful experience where she couldn't help but sob and beg forgiveness. Beg for someone to tell her it'll be alright. Beg for Natsu to come back to her.
Some nights she wished she had never met Natsu. Maybe then, she wouldn't have so blindly followed the first man who had ever shown her kindness.
It made her feel pathetic. Shedding her layers in front of the first man to ever show her a little bit of concern and crumbling before his eyes as if he truly cared.
And now, here she was, back to square one but a little bit more battered.
Lucy couldn't even stomach anything which resulted in her losing weight rapidly. She would continue to keep herself hydrated and a little nibble here and there as per request from Mrs. Spetto and a little bit of force feeding. But it was nearly not enough as the princess became so thin and frail, barely even having the energy to get up to bathe.
If she had known heartbreak was going to be this painful and crushing, she would have never allowed herself to fall in love with the dragon king.
But something inside of her told her that even if she forced herself not to, she would have ended up doing the exact same.
Because even if she didn't want to admit to it anymore, even if she didn't want it that way…
He will always have her heart.
Coming back to her chambers after another boring, long day, Lucy was feeling extra tired that day. Maybe it had to do with the fact that tomorrow was her wedding day and it had officially been three long weeks since she had heard from Natsu or seen Happy.
Her hope had been chewed up and crushed where her sadness had swallowed her once again.
The princess had heavy dark bags under her makeup and she didn't even try to force a smile if it wasn't towards the duke, queen or king. But it seemed as if the kingdom didn't have to know why she was like that when they all knew what tomorrow would become.
The soft whispers of how depressed the princess looked and how they pitied her would flutter around the kingdom. She knew a lot of the nobles were beginning to pity her because of her engagement towards the duke yet nothing had changed.
What use would it be if they just merely whispered about it? She was still to be wed to the duke.
She had even stopped writing letters to the dragon king, knowing it would just be a waste for her to cling onto that idea he may write her back. It was already too late now, she would be wedded come tomorrow morning and by night she would be buried six feet under. Yet, she still kept onto those she never got to send, tucked away safely in her vanity in hopes maybe Happy would come.
But Lucy felt content with how she would leave the kingdom. She had written out executive plans and proposals for the other nobles to go through with and she even made sure to revisit the tax agreements. The kingdom had been thriving ever since they had signed the alliance so as long as nothing changed, they should be able to keep going in a steady incline.
This is what she wanted all along after all. She wanted to see her kingdom proposer and have that alliance with the dragons to continue on for generations to come. Who knows what would become of the Heartfillia kingdom? She just hopes whoever is in line next will rule with a gentle hand.
Like her mother.
She could feel the exhaustion hit her and her feet felt heavy as she dragged it down the long halls of her palace. But of course when her bad days come, it makes sure it is an extra bad day because as soon as she opened the door, she was greeted with the sight of the duke in her room.
And not just looking like he was there for a normal visit but the duke hunched over her vanity with the letters she had written to Natsu.
All the color drained from her face and that was when she felt how thick the air was. It was nearly suffocating and she felt like she was choking as she clutched onto the fabric by her chest.
She trembled as he slowly turned to face her and she could see the anger on his face as clear as day. It dragged all the air out of her lungs and she was rooted to the spot, fear coursing through her thin body.
The letters.
He read them.
Lucy wished she could die right there, her eyes as wide as dinner plates. Her heart was pounding behind her ribcage and she swore it would burst from her chest any minute.
"You have been in contact with the dragon king?" He spat out, venom-laced words hitting her like a hot road.
Lucy didn't even know she was holding her breath as she tried to speak, stuttering like a fool. "M—My l—lord—"
"How long has this been going on?" His voice was thick with emotions and Lucy forgot how to breathe or speak. Her lips were parted but no words could come out, leaving her looking like a fish out of water. "I asked how long!" He roared where he grabbed at her vanity to throw it across the room.
Lucy screamed as it came barreling towards her, her arms curling around to protect herself. Glass shattered and wood splintered, leaving a giant mess in between them. Tears pricked at her eyes and she could feel the bile threatening to spill out from her mouth.
Move, Lucy! Run!
But her feet weren't moving and neither could anything else as she was petrified in her spot.
Another cry came from her lips when she felt his searing hot grip clamp down on her arm and as he yanked her forward, she stumbled and fell into his chest. It felt nothing like Natsu and she found herself shrieking when he grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back.
With one of her arms being held back by his death grip that would surely leave bruise marks and his other yanking on her hair, Lucy couldn't tell what hurt more. She could only tremble as he neared, his rotten breath instantly filling the air between them making her stomach turn.
"You filthy fucking whore." He hissed at her and she shrieked even louder when he continued to pull on her hair, forcing her to bend backwards. "I knew you two were going behind my back. I knew you were just a good for nothing whore who was desperate for attention. You dare lie to me? Your fiancé?"
Hot tears streamed down her face as a sob erupted from her lips. "P—please! Stop!"
"You speak to him as if you two are lovers," he twisted her arm behind her back making her cry out. "What else have you two done? Has he taken your purity?"
"No! No he has not!" Lucy cried, trying to wiggle out of his grip. "Please, my lord, it hurts!"
The crackling of his magic had her gasping for air and as the pain continued to course through her body, she could only grit her teeth and squeeze her eyes shut. Lucy yelped as the duke tossed her to the other side of the room making her land harshly against her mattress. Her hair had unraveled during the abuse and she was shaking tremendously, her vision blurry with her tears. She could barely breath as she suddenly felt his crushing weight pin her down and she could only sob wildly.
"P—please..! Stop it..!"
"How dare that filthy good-for-nothing savage touch my fiancé? Did he ever lay his eyes on your bare body? Has he stolen your first kiss as well?"
"No! No he did not! Please!" Lucy tried to fight him off but he was much larger than she was, grabbing for her wrists to pin them down on the mattress. "We did not do anything! Please, my lord! You have to believe me!"
"How can I believe a whore?!" His hand came down to crack against her cheek.
Lucy didn't even have the chance to even process what had happened as she stared wide-eyed at the wall, her cheek burning. She felt him grab the front of her dress and rip the fabric, the tearing of her clothes filling the air. Her face twisted into horror and realization and she screamed, trying to throw him off as her chest became exposed. More ripping of fabric made her realize he was ripping her dress apart, trying to get her undressed.
Uttermost fear drenched her from head and toe and the princess could only wail, screaming at him to stop.
The duke ignored her cries and pleas as his hands harshly groped at her body, leaving her skin feeling cold and gross.
"Did he touch you like this?" He palmed at her full breasts, giving them a harsh squeeze where she cried out.
They felt nothing like how Natsu's hands felt and she could feel herself shutting down. "N—No! Stop it! Please, stop!"
"You are my fiancé and by tomorrow you will be my wife! I am the only one allowed to touch you like this! You understand?!" His voice was harsh and loud, piercing through her like a dagger. It was hard for her to breathe and through blurry vision, she could only feel the feel of his hands tainting her body further.
Maybe she really was a whore like the duke constantly claims she was. Was she one for seeking comfort and solace in another man? Was this her punishment for acting so shameless? So out of line?
His hands felt cold and clammy. They weren't of comfort nor were they warm to the touch. It made her feel disgusting and uncomfortable and all she could think of was Natsu and how she wished he could come save her.
She promised herself she would never let another man look or even touch her like he has and for the duke to forcibly do it made her shatter.
She felt numb where her entire body felt as if it wasn't her own and as she could only allow him to freely touch her, she could only sob out in terror and pain.
Hearing the slam of her bedroom door, Lucy let out a choked gasp of relief when the duke removed his hands from her exposed body.
"Duke Porla! W—what on earth do you think you are doing to the princess!"
Lucy could barely hear Mrs. Spetto's voice with how hard her heart was pounding and with her harsh breathing. She was thankful regardless as it forced the duke to get off of her, giving her the space to finally breathe.
"The princess and I were just talking."
"It does not look at all like that, my lord! Your wedding day is tomorrow and if the princess—!"
"The princess is fine!" He barked making Lucy jolt and she knew Mrs. Spetto was probably feeling uneasy now. "Making a whole mess out of nothing!" He spat out and Lucy could only turn over on her side to curl up into a ball, not wanting to even watch him leave. Her entire body shook and as soon as she heard her bedroom door shut, the rush of feet echoed right after.
"Princess! Princess! Are you okay?! Princess!"
Hot tears blurred her vision once more and as they streamed down her face, Lucy could only feel the sob crawl up her throat. It ripped out of her mouth as soon as she felt Mrs. Spetto's hand touched her and she was an entire mess, screaming and crying into the sheets where it became drenched with her tears.
Mrs. Spetto tried to hold her, fussing over her ripped clothes and trying to calm her but Lucy couldn't find it in her to calm down.
Everything was happening at once and Lucy had truly reached rock bottom.
How could she think she deserved more than this? How could she have been so foolish and believed she could escape such a life with someone like Natsu? Look where it had made her end up. Abused, battered, and even worse in shape when he had first met her.
"Princess, please," Mrs. Spetto desperate calls echoed in her ear yet she could only hear a ring.
Mrs. Spetto hurried towards her bedside, yanking on the rope to ring the bell to indicate her maids to come and help. It wasn't long before Michelle and Coco burtsed through the doors and saw her curled up into a ball on her mattress, shaking and sobbing while still in her ripped clothing.
"Princess!" They shreked, gasping in surprise to see the broken vanity on the floor.
They rushed over to her side, trying to get her up but Lucy felt like a heavy weight was crushing her. Forcing her down and making her feel like a carcass.
Has she ever felt this empty before? This lost?
So many hands were on her, trying to help her up but Lucy could only imagine the duke's cold clammy hands grabbing at her body. It made her choke on a sob as she clawed at the hands around her, a blood curdling scream ripping from her mouth when they lifted her up.
Coco yelped when the princess had swatted at her and as the princess was going through a panic attack, she could only wail out as hot tears streamed down her face.
"Get the bath ready!" Mrs. Spetto cried out, commanding the youngest two to rush out the room in a fury. "Princess! Princess! Can you hear me?!"
Lucy could barely hear anything beside the pounding in her ears and her vision was blurry as she tried to push everyone and everything away. She could only see red, flashes of the duke's face flickering before her eyes. Her wailing was growing louder as she tried fighting off what she believed to be the duke.
His rotten breath… his clammy hands… his crushing weight…
A sob curdled out of her lips and as the tears never ceased, Lucy could only feel her body burn with the weight of it all. She could feel her body pulse where he had touched her and she began to now claw at her own body, trying to get rid of the searing hot feeling of his hands. She was tearing herself apart, causing streaks of crimson to slash against her skin.
"Stop it! Stop! Please!" Lucy pleaded into the air, loud gasps of her trying to regain her breathing. "Stop it!"
Mrs. Spetto watched her in horror as the princess so frantically scratched at her skin and slapped at it, acting as if she had an insect on her and she was trying to get rid of it.
On top of the bruises the duke had already put on her, deep red scratches were appearing on her pale skin, droplets of blood bubbling out from the wounds. But Lucy could barely feel the fresh scars that were painting across her skin as the pain and burn of the duke's assault rose higher than anything else.
"Princess! Please! Stop!" Mrs. Spetto cried out while trying to grab at her hands but she didn't even know where the princess had gotten this strength as she fought off her hands and continued to scream. Mrs. Spetto was shoved back, a look of shock on her face where she watched the beloved princess scream and tear herself to pieces.
Michelle and Coco had returned back, their own eyes wide and red with their own tears as they watched the princess crumble before their eyes.
"Princess!" Mrs. Spetto screamed, grabbing at her wrists. She got right in her face, screaming in terror and with all her might, her own tears pricking at her wide fearful eyes. "Stop it! It is I, your head maid! Please! Stop! Please!"
Lucy's breath was caught when she felt Mrs. Spetto embraced her into a tight hug, pulling her into her chest and pinning her arms to her side. She tried to fight it off, seeing how she was still in fight mode where her thin body thrashed against the frame of her head maid. Michelle and Coco ran to her side, coming around her to wrap their own arms around her, trying to stop and calm her down. Their voices were just a blur and she could hear sobbing but didn't know if it was from her or from them.
Her eyes widened as she felt the familiar sensation of a close one holding her and she could only let out a whimper.
Feeling her body start to give out, Lucy was soon realizing that it was no longer the duke touching her. She stopped flailing around and trying to push everyone away as all three of her maids held her in a crushing embrace.
Her heart was still pounding and her breathing had yet to calm but she was now able to see and slowly register where she was and what was going on.
None of them didn't dare letting her go even as she stopped fighting and as Lucy could only stare at the mess on her floor, she could only hear the cries from the three. The trembled against her battered, weak body, calling out for her and telling her it was alright and she was safe but Lucy couldn't find it in herself to believe that. She was not safe. She was never safe.
Under the watchful eye of the queen and the duke, Lucy knew she would never be safe as long as they were around. She had not been safe in many, many years where she spent the majority of her life just surviving.
The duke's words and attack replayed in her head over and over and over again. The way he screamed at her. The way he grabbed her and twisted her limbs around as if he wanted to break her. The way his hands roamed around her body as if she belonged to him…
You filthy fucking whore!
The sounds of Michelle and Coco sobbing made her feel a bit bad, seeing the young girls tremble and hold onto one another. Even the soft sniffling coming from Mrs. Spetto was crushing as she continued to hold onto her.
When she was reunited with her mother once more in the heavens above, would she be able to forget all these memories and all the abuse? Would anyone care what they have done to her once she had passed?
Would her next life be better?
Natsu… where are you?