Emotions and duty

"Olivia?"

The young woman looked at me just like everyone else in the room. But for a moment, I thought I saw relief in her eyes before they turned back into hardness when Consuela spoke.

"Do you know each other?" She signalled the Assassins to make room for me so that I could step closer. But my eyes looked helplessly for Connor, who pushed himself to us into the middle of the room. I felt uneasy among all these armed people whose faces were full of suppressed anger and distrust. No matter who they turned it against. Suddenly there was an entirely different mood than the one I had felt so comfortable in yesterday.

"What is this about?" Consuela asked the question that bothered me as well. Why was Olivia here? How did she come here and…was she really the lost girl? Annetta? She looked at Consuela with such an icy expression that I could hardly believe they were mother and daughter. Even though now that they stood in front of each other, their resemblance was obvious. Shouldn't I have noticed it sooner?

"I do not know what this is about", Connor said calmly but he didn't look less distrustful as he scrutinised Olivia. "We do know her, yes. We met her a year ago when I was looking for a man she used to work with."

"What man? Who did she work with?" Consuela's voice was trembling. This wasn't the calm, collected woman I had met yesterday. Now she was as tensed as a bowstring but Connor remained calm and we shared a short glance. As if we would agree on the relevant information. That this man had been my brother and a criminal, wasn't. Speaking of the crimes Olivia had committed would only be oil to the fire.

"It would take too long to explain", Connor simply said and it was the truth. "She helped us and not only once. But it seemed like we did not know everything about her. Or at least not the truth."

With that, he looked at the young woman who hadn't talked or moved until now. As if everything was rolling off her. It was terribly silent in this room. Not even the surrounding Assassins said a word. Everyone seemed to be waiting for an explanation. To all the tangible questions. I was waiting, too.

Since I had known Olivia she had remained a mystery to me. I knew what she had done when she had been working for Ray. I knew what had happened to her when she had turned against him and I knew what she had done for us despite all my distrust. But I knew hardly anything about her as a person, at least nothing more than what she had told us when being questioned. That she had been born in Cuba. As the daughter of a prostitute, in the brothel her mother had been working in. That she had run away so that she wouldn't have to end up as a prostitute as well. But was this story turning out to be a lie? Who was the Olivia I had known? Was Olivia even her name?

I looked at her and recognized her. Her straight posture. The way she was stoically ignoring the situation around her. Almost defiantly. But at the same time, she seemed like a stranger. Like when we had first met her. Bound on a chair in Stephane's tavern to be interrogated by Connor. Strangely this situation was similar.

"Fine." Olivia finally spoke with a mocking smile on her lips. "I will explain myself, but not in front of everyone. I will only talk to you, Connor and Lillian."

Angry voices rose. Most of the people present weren't pleased by this demand, but I thought it was Olivia's right. This conversation was only her and Consuela's business. To ask for our presence seemed like Olivia was trying to get some support. I hadn't forgotten the relieved look on her face when she had seen me.

Consuela frowned deeply and even though it looked like she wanted to refuse, she nodded. She gave a short order and the Assassins made room for us when we walked to Consuela's study. I gently pressed Emily against my chest. She had woken up in all this commotion and was now burying her face in the crook of my neck, whining quietly. I should bring her to bed but I wanted to hear what Olivia had to say and couldn't leave the little one alone. So I whispered reassuring words to her, gently caressed her black hair and gave Connor a thankful smile, as he silently adjusted one of the cushioned seats in front of the desk for me. I sat down and bedded Emily on my lap so that her head was resting in the crook of my arm and she was facing me and not the flickering light that Consuela turned on on the desk, before sitting down herself. Olivia sat beside me, while Connor leaned against one of the shelves next to the desk, his arms crossed and his face blank. I knew he was waiting.

"So, what do you have to say?" Consuela asked and I frowned hearing the coldness in her voice. Jesus Christ, this was her child she had been looking for for years. No matter what had happened and no matter the words that had been said in the meantime, how could she be so rejecting? Just like Olivia. Both seemed like enemies, not like family members.

"What do you want to know?"

Consuela huffed about Olivia's provocant question. "Well, starting with where you have been all these years. Or why you ran away at all? Do you have an idea what that did to me? How concerned and scared I was for you?"

"What I did to you?" Olivia laughed joylessly but the anger in her voice was unmistakable. Over seven years of pent-up rage, trying to break free. "You were the one not listening to me! Always saying that I belonged here even though I didn't want to anymore. Had you listened to me, I wouldn't have run away!"

"You were a child", Consuela replied just as angry but also desperate. "You were distraught. You could not know what was good for you. Understandably, you wanted to leave after everything that happened. But when I said that you belonged here, I was concerned for your safety. We are your family. Your friends."

"We? Do you mean the Brotherhood? The ones who sent papá and Joaquin to their deaths?"

"Your father decided to take this mission, you know that."

"Yes, and Joaquin was supposed to come with to improve his skills. To prove that he deserved being initialized."

"Just as it is common practice for every recruit."

"He wasn't just a recruit! He was a son and a brother! And his own parents sent him to his death and what for? To justify the words of some old, dusty men!"

Olivia audibly talked herself into a rage. Her voice got louder, so loud that Emily became uneasy and I had to calm her. As much as I wanted to hear Olivia's - I couldn't call her a different name - true story, I didn't feel like we should be part of this conversation. Mother and daughter had much to process. There was too much between them. Their few exchanged sentences had made it very obvious. But at the same time, I wasn't sure if they should be left alone. Both of them were emotional and maybe they needed someone to defuse the situation if it should get too heated. I glanced at Connor but he was focused on the two women. His face spoke volumes, though. He didn't like this conversation either and still, he didn't intervene. Consuela had gasped after Olivia's last words, visibly struggling for her composure, before saying in a constrained calm voice: "It was Joaquin's choice. He wanted to become an Assassin. He…"

"What choice?" Olivia interrupted her. "Since we were born, it was decided that we will become Assassins. Since I can remember, we were told so. There was no other option for us. Where is the choice in that? I chose to leave and what happened? No one is accepting it and now I'm branded a traitor."

Silence. Consuela didn't seem to know what to reply while I couldn't deny that I agreed with Olivia. I didn't know enough about the Brotherhood's traditions. About how you became an Assassin and if there were any formalities to uphold. But if they had told Olivia that she was born for it, I was reminded of my own upbringing. To be prepared for a role that was presented to you as your only option. In contrast to Olivia, it had taken me until adulthood to understand that there was another path waiting for me. She had decided it when she had only been a girl and had been brave enough to go through with it and although she had made mistakes since then, she still seemed convinced that she had made the right choice.

"Why did you not tell me, who you are? You must have known that I am an Assassin", Connor asked into the silence. A very good question.

"Of course. Right when I saw you", Olivia answered, much calmer this time. "First I feared that my mother had sent you. But when you didn't recognize me…I was relieved. I thought I could use you for help and then disappear again. Until Ray attacked me and you…"

"Who is Ray? Who attacked you?" Consuela's gaze flitted back and forth between Connor and her daughter and besides her recent composure, I was sure that this was the first time I saw real, motherly concern in her eyes. Olivia didn't acknowledge it at all.

"No one of your business", she hissed and only made Consuela's face harden again, bringing back the Mentor.

"Oh, he is. Was he a Templar?"

"No. I never made business with Templars, if that's what you need to hear. If someone should believe I sold them information." The last part had been pure mockery before Olivia turned back to Connor as if her mother had never intervened. "Anyway, it's like I have already told you. You were the only ones I was sure would help me and you did. I owed you, and as you know, this was the reason I wanted to help you. But I didn't want you to know who I am, Connor. I feared you would drag me back to my mother and judge me for leaving the Brotherhood."

Connor shook his head. "I would never have done that", he simply said. "It was your choice and if what you say is true, you never did anything that would have harmed the Brotherhood. On the contrary. By helping me, you were helping them."

"Would someone please explain to me, what my daughter did to earn your trust, Connor?", Consuela asked and leaned back in her chair, her arms crossed. It was obvious that she disliked the course of this conversation. Connor had just contradicted her claim that Olivia belonged to the Assassins. That it was her destiny. I got the feeling that this normally nice woman had an unpleasant side. A side that came to light when something wasn't going according to her plans and beliefs.

But Connor wasn't bothered by it. He calmly told her about how we met Olivia and how she had helped us with Ray and the keystones. He didn't go into detail about Ray's and with that, Olivia's crimes and didn't say what Olivia had told about herself. I gave him credit for that. Olivia should be allowed to decide how much she wanted to share about the actions she regretted and I was sure that it wouldn't contribute to the peace if Consuela learned that we had thought Olivia's mother to be a prostitute who had wanted to force her into the same life. Thinking about it, this story hadn't been a lie, in some very absurd way. She had just changed her mother's profession. Very, very disrespectfully. Was that what she thought about Consuela? That she was selling her life to the Brotherhood?

"She has proven to be a valuable aid", Connor finished his short report. "She is smart, a skilled fighter and now I know why. You trained her well."

Consuela huffed and a bitter smile appeared on her lips. "Only that she does not want to know anything about this training. On the contrary. She left us. The Brotherhood which has been her family and her home."

"It was not right of Olivia to leave you without saying a word. But she never put you at risk", Connor replied, still calm and neutral, while the Mentor became noticeably more angry.

"Of course she did", she uttered and her hands, which were resting on the tabletop, curled into fists. "If the enemy had gotten a hold on her, she could have given them valuable information. About our numbers but especially about our whereabouts. No matter if she wanted to or not. Besides, she is the daughter of a Mentor. If the Templars had caught her and learned about it, they would have used her. She knew this when she left us."

Connor remained silent and lowered his eyes to his crossed arms. Maybe he asked himself, if Consuela had a point, just like me. Certainly, the child of an Assassin, no matter their rank, was a perfect lever and the thought made me hold Emily tighter. I shivered when I remembered the day Ray had used her to keep Connor from attacking him. What would a Templar have done?

"You are right, somehow", my husband finally said while I was still lost in my thoughts and he raised his eyes. "And still it was her free will to leave and if I am right, she was not an official member of the Brotherhood. She was only a novice, was she not?"

"Yes. But even as a novice, she cannot leave just like that. Not without us releasing her and making sure that she is trustworthy and would not betray us. She destroyed this trust. As she did today when she returned and attacked our brothers."

"I defended myself!", Olivia shouted, angrier than ever. "They were the ones attacking me when they caught me! And do not think I came back for you. I am here because of Connor." She turned her angry eyes away from her mother and seemed much calmer when she looked at Connor, who returned this look just as calmly. "When I met Lillian in Havanna and she told me that you were looking for this temple the keystones are supposed to open, I wanted to help you. After all, I helped you find the second stone."

"For that, you need my permission to stay and after everything that happened tonight, there will be no one agreeing to it."

"And what about you?", I uttered and Consuela gave me a confused look. Until now, I had silently listened to the conversation. Especially since I didn't feel like I had much to contribute because I didn't know anything about the Brotherhood's rules. But from a human perspective, I knew that I didn't understand Consuela's behaviour. From a human and a motherly perspective.

"Jesus, she's your daughter", I continued and couldn't hide my lack of understanding. "I keep hearing you talk about the Brotherhood and about what the Brotherhood thinks of Olivia's actions. But what do you think? As her mother? Your child has disappeared for seven years. You never gave up the hope that she was still alive and looked for her. You didn't do it just to reject her now. I cannot understand why you would value the Brotherhood more than the love for your child. Your flesh and blood."

Consuela looked at me silently and the others didn't react differently to my outburst. I had spoken quickly, as I always did whenever I was troubled by something. Something like this. Only this morning, when I had heard the story about the missing daughter, I hadn't wanted to imagine how I would feel if I were in Consuela's place. If Emily would vanish and I wouldn't know about her fate for years. Yes, maybe it would make me angry if she reappeared all of a sudden and would blame me. But I would be more relieved to know that she was alive and this relief would make the anger futile.

Consuela rose from her chair, turned away from us and slowly stepped to the windows and the view over the bay and the cliffs beyond. Her hands folded behind her back, she looked outside and I could see the reflection of her thoughtful face on the glass. I didn't know which answer to expect. Maybe I hoped that she would agree with me and finally welcome her daughter with open arms, making them both forget their differences. But she disappointed me by shaking her head and saying way too objectively: "I think you cannot understand because you are no part of the Brotherhood and you cannot imagine what it means to be Mentor. When it comes to it, I have to put the Brotherhood over my personal feelings." She turned her head to the side, glancing over her shoulder at Connor, who was still leaning against the shelf with his arms crossed and frowning when Consuela continued.

"Connor, you will understand as soon as you are Mentor. To do what your heart tells you is not as easy if you have the responsibility for so many lives. Just like the responsibility for everything that is our Brotherhood. For everything we are fighting for."

"Maybe. But I still think that Lillian is speaking the truth. You did not look for Olivia because of the Brotherhood, but because she is your daughter. She is from your blood. Does this not mean anything to you?", Connor replied and I had to admit that I was glad for his approval. Should he ever become as emotionless in his decisions as Consuela, I wouldn't want him to become Mentor at all. I understood what Consuela meant by her responsibility, but that didn't mean I could understand how she could put this responsibility over her flesh and blood.

"Of course it does." The Mentor turned back to us. "I did not know what I was supposed to do if August should find her and bring her here. I just wanted to know if she…if you are still alive." She looked at her daughter who stared back with her lips pinched. It was hard to say what she thought about her mother's words. Words that had sounded truthful. But I hardly dared to hope that this conversation was finally becoming their chance to reconcile, Consuela destroyed this hope again.

"But still. You broke our trust. I cannot allow you to stay just because I am the Mentor and you are my daughter."

"And what if I am taking the full responsibility for her?" Connor pushed away from the shelf and stepped to the desk. He seemed determined even when Consuela frowned visibly irritated. No, she didn't like that Connor undermined her decision so openly. But he didn't seem to mind at all. "In three days, I will take her with me. Then she will not be here on the island and as soon as my task is done and we sail home, she can come with us. If she wants to."

He looked at Olivia who didn't seem to know what to say. For the first time. Her lips parted, but then she glanced at her mother and closed them. Consuela didn't seem to have an answer to Connor's offer either. Probably she had to admit that leaving Olivia in Connor's care was the only peaceful solution. No one could complain about it because she wouldn't be on the island for weeks and wouldn't stay if she didn't want to. And this was, what Consuela and the Assassins wanted. For her to leave.

Some time later I lay on our makeshift bed and stared up to the wooden ceiling. The silver moonlight, that shone through the window, made it look like a cleft desert. At the same time, I pricked my ears but I could only hear the rustling of the wind in the nearby trees and Emily's regular breathing. About an hour ago, I had left the study with her and Olivia. After Connor had made his proposal to take responsibility for the young woman, the Mentor had demanded to speak to him in private. I was worried. Would Consuela blame Connor for practically turning against her? Would she even punish him by withdrawing her support? After everything I had thought about her up until now, it would be a bad surprise and a big disappointment. After all, I couldn't understand her behaviour towards her daughter. Olivia hadn't said anything about our conversation when we had walked to the guest house and given the looks, some Assassins had given her, I hadn't dared to talk about it either. At least she had told me that Olivia was her second name when I hadn't been sure how to address her. With the permission of her mother - and I found it impossible to speak of permission at all - she had moved into the room Faulkner would have slept in, if he weren't with the Aquila. We had wished each other a good night and I could only guess how she must feel. Alone and probably uncertain about her near future. She had claimed that she had only come here to support Connor. But I couldn't imagine that she didn't care about the island and its inhabitants at all. This was where she came from and we never lost our roots.

When the door to our room finally opened, I had dozed off, only waking up when Connor laid down beside me. He seemed to think that I was still asleep because he carefully moved closer and put his arm around me.

"I am awake", I whispered and leaned my head back to look into his moonlit face. "How did it go? Was Consuela angry with you?"

"Not directly", Connor answered, whispering, too not to wake Emily. "She understandably was not pleased with me questioning her choices. There are rules she has to enforce as Mentor."

"But not at the expense of her child. First ignoring her wish to leave and then casting her out, as soon as she returns."

"I think it is not as easy as you think and I am sure it is hard for Consuela to treat Olivia this way." Connor pushed an arm under his head while his other hand rested on my hip and his fingertips drew small circles there. "To understand it better, you need to know that novices, new recruits or however you want to call them, are not officially initiated into the Brotherhood, yet. Still, they have to follow the rules of the Creed. One of these rules says, that the Brotherhood is never to be compromised. The Assassins fight for the freedom of all men, their free will. So we have to allow ourselves to choose freely whether or not we want to be part of the Brotherhood. That is why I think, just like you, that Consuela has to accept Olivia's wish. But Olivia should not have left like that. She should have talked to the Mentor or at least to one of her Masters because everyone who leaves us could become a danger to us all. Of course, we have to trust them not to endanger the Brotherhood willingly after they left. But with her disappearance, Olivia left everyone in the dark. So they feel betrayed."

"But she didn't do anything."

"I know. But I fear that most of them are resenting her on an emotional level."

Probably a very human reaction. You could follow rules pragmatically, but as soon as it became personal, emotions were stronger. Maybe this was the reason why Consula was holding on to her principles instead of forgiving her daughter for her disappearance and welcoming her back. Maybe she feared it could be seen as a weakness she wasn't allowed to have as the Mentor. I sighed. Why were all members of Brotherhoods or Orders such stubborn dogmatists?

"I'm just glad you're taking her under your wing", I murmured and cuddled up to Connor again. I wasn't just glad. I was proud of him. Connor didn't owe Olivia anything and could have accepted Consuela's judgment. It would have been the safest way to keep the Mentor's support. But he hadn't and had made his own considerate choice.

"She came here because of us although it was not necessary. She must have known what to expect and would not have risked the trouble. It would not have felt right not to help her", Connor explained and only confirmed my thought.

"And Consuela didn't say anything about it?"

"No. I even think she is relieved that she does not have to send her daughter away."

Well, no matter how often Consuela had emphasized Olivia's mistakes, I also didn't believe that it had been easy for her to reject her long-lost child. She wasn't heartless and still a mother. I would have lost my faith if motherly emotions could cool off like that.

"Maybe they will make their peace now", I murmured more to myself. "They deserve it."

The following days were terribly unpleasant. I wasn't sure if Consuela had talked to the Assassins but although no one spoke against Olivia's presence, most of them punished her with cold ignorance. The young woman seemed like she didn't care, she kept an obvious distance from her former brothers and sisters and I often saw her sitting by the villa or the beach alone while the others were training close to her. She seemed lonely but every time I wanted to keep her company, she let me know that she didn't want it. So I left her alone.

But Consuela seemed to be more tense than before, too. She never spoke a word, neither about her daughter, nor our conversation in her study. I feared she could resent Connor and me for our interference, but she behaved as open and friendly as before. As if nothing had happened and I didn't know if I should approve or condemn it. Connor and I didn't speak of this night either. Maybe because everything had been said.

Connor fully turned to his preparations for the search he still wanted to continue as soon as the Ala del Águila returned to Great Inagua. Finally. Even though I worried about what could be awaiting him in this temple as soon as he had found it, I wanted this whole ordeal to be over. I wanted the Apple gone and our life not to be about artefacts and dubious spirits. A year had passed since Connor had found the first keystone that had started everything. Way too much time.

But on the morning of their departure, I woke up with mixed feelings. The Ala del Águila had returned the day before and had been quickly prepared for her next journey and Connor had talked her Captain through everything. He was ready and his thoughts were already on the sea and maybe even with the temple while I tried to radiate confidence, despite my worries. Simultaneously trying not to think about the estimated four weeks I was going to spend on this little speck of land in the middle of the Caribbean Sea. Enough time to spend on the beach, looking at the deep blue waters or walking through this fascinating landscape with its beautiful sunsets, breathtaking waterfalls and perfect weather. I couldn't say that I was looking forward to it.

With a bad feeling, I wandered over the deck of the huge ship which, according to Connor, was a frigate. Built to raise hell on entire fleets in wartimes. The Ala del Águila called a whole bunch of canons her own, spread on three decks, just like the Aquila, but way bigger. Even the canons were gigantic, ranged to my waist and certainly weighed as much as a grown battle horse in armour from Medieval times. Maybe even more. Walking past one, I couldn't stop myself from shaking one of these colossi with both hands. At least I tried since it didn't move an inch.

"What do you think? Is she safe enough? Are you entrusting me to her?" Suddenly Connor's voice sounded behind me, after I had tried to push the canon in a sudden burst of ambition, without success. Embarrassed I pushed a loose strand of hair out of my face and cleared my throat.

"She seems quite fortified and sturdy", I said seemingly unbothered as if I could make Connor forget my ridiculousness. I knocked at the iron canon. "I think she is safe if you should get into trouble. Furthermore, you won't be in command."

It was intended to be harmless, not serious teasing I hadn't thought about. But when Connor's face hardened, I remembered why he was continuing his search on this ship and wanted to bite my tongue off for this senseless comment.

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just…generally speaking…"

Connor raised his hand and shook his head. "It is fine. I think I know how you meant it. I am not angry."

Well, maybe he wasn't angry but his voice hadn't sounded forgiving either. Damn it, I would never learn to think before I spoke. Certainly, my bad conscience was visible in my face as I approached Connor and put my hands on his chest. Cocking my head, I looked up to him and hoped that he would accept this silent apology. The last thing I wanted was for him to set sail while I remained with the feeling that he was angry with me because of my stupid teasing, which had never been supposed to refer to his accident with the Aquila. He looked back at me silently but I was relieved to see his expression relax until he briefly ran his hands over my arms. With that, my apology was accepted and I dared to smile at him and put a hand on the bag he was carrying on his belt and which contained the golden hellish object.

"When you return, you got rid of the Apple and all concerns connected to it and we can go back home."

I wasn't sure if I actually believed that. But since Connor had travelled most of the Caribbean by now, the temple had to be on one of the last islands. This was my conclusion and I didn't want to let go of it. It was my biggest hope right now. Beside hoping for him to come back safely.

I couldn't read in his expression what Connor was thinking about this. He just grabbed my hand, putting it off the bag and gently squeezed it while he nodded.

"I will not give up until it is done."

Basically and read between the lines, it could also mean "I will not give up, even if I have to spend twenty years looking for this temple", but it was an answer that reflected Connor's determination perfectly. It was this determination I had always been able to trust and that gave me courage when I needed it. I would trust it now, too. Let it take twenty years. As long as the Apple disappeared out of our lives.

"Be careful and good luck", I said quietly and hugged him. I was gently pulled against his broad chest and closed my eyes, as his lips touched my hair. Enjoying this moment until I had to leave him behind on this ship and once again, into uncertainty.

A strong pull at my skirt, which made me fear that I was going to end up half-naked, forced me to let go of Connor. Emily, who had patiently walked around with me and then had stood beside me and Connor with a fistful of my skirt in her hand, seemed to have decided that she deserved some attention as well. I stepped back from Connor and watched him effortlessly pick up his daughter and cuddle her goodbye. He spoke quiet words in Mohawk and Emily listened closely and reacted to them as if she understood. A faint smile flitted across Connor's face and he kissed Emily's forehead before handing her over to me since the deck got busier with every minute. We exchanged final words of farewell and Connor accompanied us to the plank which I walked down carefully.

Only now I noticed Consuela and Olivia who were standing by the edge of the pier, talking to each other. At least Consuela was talking while Olivia stood in front of her with an iron expression and looked at the bundle her mother gave her. I recognized Olivia's weapons which had been taken from her during her arrival. A dagger, a short sword, a pistol and ammunition. But strangely enough, there was also some kind of stick I had never seen with Olivia before. If I hadn't been too distracted by the scene, I would have asked what it was. But I was more busy with this small hope that mother and daughter would approach each other again. Consuela letting her have her weapons was a good sign, wasn't it?

Olivia took the bundle and nodded although she didn't say anything or move a muscle in her face. Consuela said something and looked after Olivia as she turned around and went to the ship. Suddenly Olivia looked thoughtful. So much so that she was surprised when she noticed me and I wished her a good journey.

No, I was sure that not all hope was lost and I got the feeling, that the time after Connor's and Olivia's return was going to be quite eventful.