Fox had a lot of bad days. He was pretty sure that the last time he'd had a day that hadn't been at least some degree of awful had been back when he was a cadet. Kamino had been tough, but Coruscant was unbearably worse. Fox was pretty sure that if it weren't for his brothers he wouldn't have a reason to force himself out of bed every day.
Some days were at least marginally better than others though, and Fox took what he could get. His most calm days were when there wasn't a vote approaching, and no massive controversy inspiring the citizens to protest and riot. He was all caught up on his paperwork. None of the GAR Commanders were on planet. There were no prison riots. The Chancellor was in a good mood. And most importantly, none of the guards under his watch disappeared or died under mysterious circumstances.
Very rarely did all of that happen at once, and the few times it did it set him on edge because he knew that the other shoe would eventually drop.
That day the Chancellor was in a horrible mood, and the civilians were starting to get stir crazy and there would surely be a protest sooner or later. Other than that, things were calm, and Fox felt like he could actually breathe.
He had an early meeting with the Chancellor this morning, and he walked away from it with only minor electrical burns. It would probably have been a lot worse, but the Chancellor had another meeting with someone who was far more worthy of his time than Fox was.
He was dismissed, and he forced himself onto his shaking legs. He took a deep breath, forced his body to still, and he left the Chancellor's office to let in his guest.
Fox was glad that he had already put up his mental shields, because when he opened the door he found himself face to face with General Skywalker, and the last thing he wanted was for the Jedi to sense his shock, fear, and anger.
"Sir." Fox nodded at the general and stepped back. General Skywalker didn't even look at him. He just went inside, and Fox was left to his anxiety.
General Skywalker was on Coruscant. This shouldn't be a surprise. The Chancellor frequently wanted to bring back his favorite Jedi, even though most of what they talked about were things that Fox suspected could be discussed via communicator.
What Fox was worried about was Dogma. His new guard was doing so well, and he'd improved so much, but everybody relapsed eventually, and for many of the guards it happened when they first ran into their old company. The Guard did what they could to prepare them and catch them when they inevitably fell, but they usually had warning.
There was no guarantee that the 501st was here, as it wasn't uncommon for Skywalker to arrive on his own, but they might be, and even the smallest chance was too much.
Dogma wasn't ready to face anybody in the 501st. Not the brothers who had picked on him, and not the vod that he missed so much.
Fox needed to find out if the 501st was on Coruscant. First though, he needed to make sure that Dogma wasn't currently assigned anywhere that risked a run-in with Torrent.
Fox couldn't memorize everybody's schedule, but he knew Dogma's as well as he knew his own. It wasn't something he put effort into, it had just happened. He was supposed to be in the senate today. While there were worse shifts for him right now, this one wasn't ideal. Some of the 501st spend a strange amount of time around the senate when they were on the planet. That was where their general was, because that was where his not-so-secret senator wife was.
Dogma could easily accidentally run into any of them. The same would be the case if he patrolled the streets or worked the drunk tank. Prison duty was an option, but for all Fox knew, General Skywalker was here to deal with a prisoner himself. It wouldn't be the first time.
The best place for Dogma right now was in the barracks. Fox reached for his communicator to send the message, only to freeze when he saw that he already had messages waiting for him.
He always had unread messages, as he didn't have time to look through all of them, but two in particular stood out to him. One was from Dogma, informing him that he had switched shifts with someone in the drunk tank, which was the worst place for Dogma to be if the 501st was here. The second message made Fox feel like his blood had turned to both ice and fire at the same time.
It was an official report from Chartreuse, saying that there'd been an altercation at 79's. This meant there'd been a fight or some other incident that required his personal intervention. This sort of notification normally showed up as an emergency for him, same as an assassination attempt, security breach, or prison riot. But the notification hadn't shown up when he'd been with the Chancellor, because he turned them all off during their meetings.
No matter how urgent an emergency was, nothing was supposed to be a higher priority than the Chancellor himself.
Mentally swearing and doing his best to keep his body language calm and professional, Fox walked away from the Chancellor's office, and then quickened his pace as he made his way towards that blasted bar. He had almost left the senate building when he saw a clone with a familiar shade of blue paint. He seethed at the sight.
He was torn between turning the other way and avoiding the clone from the 501st completely, and storming up to them and treating them with the harshness they surely deserved. His choice was taken from him when he saw that the clone was walking the same way as he was. Unless he wanted to be delayed, he needed to face the clone before him. Even if he was fairly confident who this was, and he was one of the last people he wanted to see right now.
Dogma might need help. Fox' own discomfort was not worth leaving his men on his own.
"Captain Rex." Fox said sternly as he caught up to him. "We weren't expecting the 501st on Coruscant."
"Fox." He could hear the ease in Rex' voice. He had no idea how much extra work and stress he'd given to Fox and his men. "It was a surprise for us too. Some of my men got overly excited. I've already gotten a call from the drunk tank."
Fox could have hit his brother. He had to fight to keep his fury out of his voice. "So I assume I have your men to thank for the brawl I've been called in for?"
"I don't know if I'd call it a brawl." Rex said, though he couldn't possibly know. Fox' men hadn't given him specifics in the message, and they wouldn't have been more specific with Rex. They didn't bring in everybody who threw a punch at the bar, otherwise they'd have no room for all of them.
Fox supposed he could admire that Rex was defending his men. However, Fox had his own men to think about, and he trusted them far more than he did some reckless, drunk members of the 501st.
Fox really didn't feel like spending time with Rex, but they were both making their way to the drunk tank. He couldn't just avoid him completely, or else he'd start getting angry messages from their Commander brothers, and he didn't want to deal with that right now.
They took a shuttle together, and Fox would give Rex credit where it was due, he didn't waste time with as much small talk as he sometimes did. If Fox wasn't so concerned about his men, he might enjoy this quiet time with his brother.
Finally they got to their destination, and Fox led the way inside of the drunk tank. He saw three of his own men guarding the cell instead of the usual four. One of his men, Sever, saluted, stepping forward to give a quick report.
"Sir, Mint, Vein, and Tribute are watching 79's." Sever said. "Chartreuse and Vod'ika are in the back." Usually when someone was overwhelmed and his buddy stayed in the back with him, they kept four people patrolling the bar and two of them watching the cells. When there was something like a fight and the clones in the drunk tank were hostile, they wanted as many hands on deck as they could afford. Splitting the six available guards into groups of three was the best they could do.
Fox wanted to go to the back rooms to see how Dogma was doing, but he had a job to do first. He crossed his arms and looked at the two 501st soldiers in the tank.
"Tell me your names." Fox said. This was both for the official report, but also so he could have an idea of just how badly they might have gotten to Dogma.
The two of them looked indignant and reluctant to answer. One was just glaring at them, and the other was glaring at his companion. The tension had not eased from either of them since they'd been brought in. Fox clenched his jaw and looked at Rex. The Captain sighed.
"ARC troopers Jesse and Fives." Rex said. Fox nearly saw red. He knew those names. Dogma talked about them nearly as much as he talked about Tup, but he hadn't painted them in a good light. They had picked on him. They were the reason he shied away from his own name. Fox hadn't known they were ARC troopers, and that made things worse.
They were Dogma's superiors. They were supposed to be examples and look out for him. Fox just knew that they had used their authority to make him feel small for disagreeing with them. It made him feel proud of Dogma, for fighting with them at all when it probably went against the instincts drilled into him by the Kaminoans.
"I've heard a lot about you two, and I'm not impressed." Fox couldn't help but growl.
Fives looked confused and just a little insulted. "We haven't been arrested that much."
Jesse finally looked away from Fives, though he was now looking at the door to the back room. He wasn't glaring anymore. He looked sad. "What did you hear?"
Fox narrowed his eyes at Jesse, though the trooper couldn't tell from behind his mask. "That you can't recognize when you've taken a joke too far. And you seem to think that if somebody doesn't show their affection the same way you do, that means they don't have feelings at all."
Jesse looked stricken, and Fox thought that he had to have at least a suspicion who he had heard these things from. He looked guilty, and though Fox was still unspeakably furious with him he couldn't help but admit to himself that Dogma was probably correct when he claimed that Torrent hadn't been malicious in their treatment of him.
Fives and Rex both looked oblivious, and Fox wanted to bash them over the head and make them see what they had done to their brother. He had something more important to do.
"Why were you fighting?" Fox asked.
"We just have a disagreement." Fives said in a tense tone that sounded like he was seconds away from telling Fox where he could stick his questions.
"This isn't a disagreement." Jesse seethed. He glared at Fives again. He looked ready to start throwing punches again.
"That's enough." Rex stepped in. "Jesse, I don't care what you're fighting about, we don't use violence against our brothers."
Jesse's glare snapped to his Captain. "No, you're right. I should have just transferred you to a company I hate so that I have an excuse to never have to see either of you again. Because obviously that fixes everything!"
Fox had heard enough. Jesse's sarcastic accusations weren't too much to go off of by themselves. However, there had been a couple of times when Dogma, tired and emotional, had admitted to him in a moment of vulnerability that he'd always wondered if Jesse and Fives hated him. After today, he thought he could give Jesse the benefit of the doubt. Fives, on the other hand…
Fox stormed to the cell and unlocked it, throwing the door open. "Get out."
The 501st boys just stared at him. Fox did not have the patience for this. He glared at Rex. "Consider this their official warning. Your ARCs will be written up, and if they disturb the peace again then they'll be fined for it." It didn't matter that clones didn't have money to spend on the expensive fines that Coruscant had. They would have to use very limited drinking money to pay it off, and that would definitely make the lesson sink in. "Until then, get them out of my sight."
Fox knew he was making a mistake, but he was exhausted, hurt, and far too protective for his own good. He took off his helmet and leaned closer to Rex, making it clear that what he was going to be saying next wasn't as Commander Fox. He was just sly, tricky, fierce Fox who wasn't afraid to bite at those who were a threat to his pack.
"If I see either of these di'kute anywhere near my men again, I'll make all of your lives a living hell." Fox said lowly. Rex didn't flinch, but his posture grew noticeably stiffer as he seemed to recognize that this threat wasn't given lightly. "I know that our brothers talk about what a hard-ass I am. I won't hesitate to prove them right." Fox spent several hours everyday trying to keep his brothers safe from a system that they'd been created to fail in. It would be far too easy to let something slip through the cracks.
He and Rex stared at each other for a long minute before Rex lowered his head in the smallest of nods. Message received.
"Come on." Rex said to his men. "You're both confined to the ship while we're here, and if I hear another word of you fighting then I'll report you to General Skywalker myself."
Jesse scoffed and pushed harshly past Rex in a blatant show of disrespect. It seemed that Fives wasn't the only one he was mad at. Fives glared at Fox and his men one more time before he followed behind. Rex sighed, looking exhausted as he too left. Fox was alone with his men, and he could finally turn his attention to what really mattered.
Fox let himself into the back rooms. He saw Chartreuse kneeling in front of Dogma, trying to talk to him. Dogma's face wasn't a stern mask, but it was clear that he was trying hard to hide his emotions. He looked vulnerable and upset, and Fox hadn't expected anything else.
"I'll take it from here." Fox said to Chartreuse. "Go back to your post, and make sure you have a new buddy."
Dogma's shoulders stiffened and his brow furrowed. "I can go back to work. I'm fine." He sounded frustrated, and Fox understood. Nothing frustrated him more than being incapable of working, but wanting nothing more than to do just that, because that was the only thing that would break through the pain that interacting with his brothers always caused.
"You saw your brothers for the first time since joining the Guard." Fox said. "Nobody's okay after that. Did they even recognize you?"
"Jesse did." Dogma muttered quietly. "I don't think Fives did. If he did, I don't think he would even care." He sounded far too accepting of something so horrible to consider. Fox knew just how hard it was to come to terms with the fact that a brother you admire may not like you very much.
"Well, they're gone now." Fox said. "You don't have to worry about running into them again."
Dogma clutched at his pants. "It shouldn't matter. I should be fine. I'm supposed to be better than this."
"Says who?" Fox frowned. It sounded like a stupid question. The senate expected nothing less than perfection from them. The citizens thought that all clones were glorified droids and above emotions. The GAR thought they had the easiest job in the world, and they had no reason to be stressed. It would be a shorter list to ask who didn't expect them to be better.
But Fox didn't care what anybody else thought. He knew that his men were just human, and they were able to handle things that would make many soldiers in the GAR break down completely. They needed to give themselves credit where it was due.
"The Kaminoans." Dogma said, and it was a painful reminder of just how young he was. Most clones did their best to disregard the words of their creators the second they left Kamino. A lot of clones resisted the long-necks before they were even approved for duty. For Dogma to still cling to their teachings, he couldn't have been away from Kamino for long at all.
Or Dogma had somehow been indoctrinated more than the rest of them, and though that was a possibility that Fox had considered, he didn't dare say a word about it. Last time he had mentioned reconditioning, Dogma had just gotten upset. The kid had mentally translated it as 'there is something wrong with you'. Dogma had enough of those thoughts in his head as it was. The last thing he needed was a confirmation of those horrible ideas.
"They didn't make us without emotions." Dogma said. "They considered it, but Prime objected." Fox didn't know that. He had never thought too highly of Jango Fett, but he had memories of being trained by the man. He'd demanded a lot from them, but he'd never expected them to be completely emotionless.
They may have been clones, and he was very impersonal with them, but he still recognized them as humans. It was literally the bare minimum, but it was far more than the Kaminoans had offered. Probably for the first time in his life, Fox was grateful that Jango Fett had been involved in their cloning process beyond just being the template.
Dogma didn't share the sentiment.
"I wish they'd done it." Dogma said. "Taken away these useless feelings. They don't do anything for us but make us inefficient."
Fox had heard so many horrible things from so many brothers, but this chilled him to the bone in a way that nothing else could. Dogma was wishing he didn't have emotions, not because they hurt so much, but because he thought they made him a worse soldier.
"You don't mean that." Fox said more sternly than he perhaps should. He didn't want to make Dogma feel like he was scolding him, but he was horrified by his words.
Dogma's face darkened. A part of Fox was worried at the fury in his eyes, but he was more relieved than anything. Dogma had been trying to fight his feelings, and it could be so easy to spiral from there. Seeing any emotion from him was a relief, even if he was in pain.
"Do not try to tell me what I think." Dogma said furiously. Fox felt a little bad for upsetting him so much, but he also felt proud. He was Dogma's commanding officer, and yet he was still standing up to him. Fox didn't agree with Dogma's thoughts about his emotions, and he wished he knew how to help him, but at least he wasn't just blindly taking Fox' word as law.
Fox tried to ignore the very real possibility that the only reason why Dogma was standing up to him was because of the Kaminoans. Fox was his commanding officer, but Dogma only felt the need to obey him because he'd been taught to do so by the Kaminoans. If Fox' commands or words went against theirs, of course Dogma would fight back.
"I'm sorry." Fox said. "I didn't mean it like that. I just…I'm worried about you."
"I know you are." Dogma just sounded tired. "That's the whole point. You're here because you're concerned, but there's so much work you could be doing right now. You should be working. I should be working. But we're not, just because of these stupid emotions that I wish would just go away." Dogma's voice cracked at the end, showing how emotional he was, and how close he was to falling apart.
Fox sighed and sat on the couch next to Dogma. He put his arms around him and pulled him against him. Despite Dogma's frustration, he leaned in and let Fox hold him.
"Ah, D'ika." Fox said quietly. He didn't bother to keep his emotions from coming through. He didn't like showing vulnerability, but it was important right now. Their emotions were what made them human, and that was a wonderful thing. He needed Dogma to understand that.
Dogma's breath hitched and he looked up at Fox with wide eyes. "Ad'ika?"
That wasn't what Fox had meant. He shouldn't have even called him D'ika, because Dogma didn't know that he knew his name at all, and after his run-in with Jesse and Fives he probably wasn't ready to face that part of him.
But he couldn't correct Dogma. The kid looked confused, but also hopeful, and Fox couldn't take that away from him. Not now. It would just make Dogma want even more to lock up his emotions and never let himself be vulnerable again.
And while Dogma hadn't intended to say it, that didn't necessarily make it untrue. He had come to care about Dogma, and Fox knew that it was beyond just protectiveness over his guards. Dogma had become part of his family. He truly had seen him as his vod'ika. Somebody that he needed to keep safe at all costs.
"Ad'ika." Fox repeated with confidence. If this was the word he needed to use to get through to Dogma that he cared about him, and that wasn't a bad thing, so be it.
Dogma blinked and looked away from him. He didn't pull away from Fox' grip though, which was enough to tell him that he'd done something right. Dogma didn't call him buir, and that was just fine. Fox knew enough about Dogma to know that just because he didn't have the words to express his feelings didn't mean they weren't there.
They sat there for a fair amount of time before Dogma shifted, and Fox let him go.
"Can we do paperwork?" Dogma asked. He sounded so young and vulnerable. "Please?"
Fox wanted to refuse him, because he wanted Dogma to learn that he was worth far more than the work he did. But it would take time for that lesson to sink in. He knew that Dogma used menial work to get out of his own head, and that was exactly what he needed right now.
"Okay." Fox said. The look of relief that Dogma gave him made it worth it. Dogma put on his helmet, and Fox did the same. Dogma made his way towards the door, but he stopped before walking out. Fox could recognize the tension in his shoulders. He was scared, and he couldn't blame him.
"They're gone." Fox said. "You don't have to see them again."
Dogma didn't look completely convinced, but he trusted Fox. He opened the door and left their little sanctuary.
"Be careful." Fox said to the three guards still in the tank. The guards tried so hard to remain paired, but this was far from the first time when somebody needed to leave shift early. In cases like this, two pairs became a single trio, and it was more important to try to avoid a situation where somebody would need some space, because it would just leave one of them alone, and on Coruscant that was never a good thing.
"We've got this, Sir." Sever said. He nodded at Dogma. "I hope you feel better, Vod'ika." He could afford to say it, because the only person in the cell right now was somebody who was snoring away on the small bench. It was a rare slow day.
Dogma didn't acknowledge Sever's words. He just walked away. It was rude, but Fox knew that he was just keeping himself from saying something about how he wanted to not feel anything at all. He was rude because he was overwhelmed and trying really hard to not worry his brothers more than he already had. Fox' heart ached for him.
Fox nodded at Sever. "I'll keep an eye on him. He'll be just fine." He left the drunk tank. Dogma was right outside the door, waiting for him. He'd walked away, but even when he was upset he wouldn't walk around the streets of Coruscant by himself. Dogma knew better than that.
"Come on." Fox said. He and Dogma made their way back to the barracks. Every once and awhile the kid would lag behind a little bit, but Fox would slow his own pace to match him. He wanted Dogma to walk at his side.
They didn't talk as they went. They'd both had enough of words for the day. Right now the only thing either of them wanted was some quiet company, and some work to distract them from the mess of their lives.