Today Tup would reach out to Dogma. He'd make sure his brother was okay. He'd tell him that he still loved him, and everything would be fine.
Tup had been telling himself that same thing for the past week, and every day he came up with an excuse to put it off. He was working. Dogma was probably working. It was late and it would probably be better to wait a few more hours.
Tup really did want to talk to Dogma. He was desperate to hear his vod's voice, but he was scared. What if Dogma was mad at him for not properly saying goodbye? What if he hated him for it? Tup hadn't meant to ignore him, but he'd been so caught up in his own grief that he'd been crying about missing Dogma before he was even gone. Of course his tears would scare Dogma away, or make him feel like he shouldn't talk to him, for fear of making him feel worse.
And it didn't help that after finding out about the reassignment Tup had stuck close to Fives' side, even more than usual. He'd always known that Dogma felt awkward around Fives, and that the ARC trooper sometimes seemed like he avoided Dogma, but Tup hadn't really considered that they hadn't liked each other.
They were all brothers. They were all part of Torrent. And Fives was nice to Tup. It was hard for him to imagine that someone so kind to him could be outright cruel to his vod. Tup had convinced himself that Fives wasn't trying to be mean to Dogma. That he was just teasing him, like Jesse and Hardcase. It wasn't nice, but that was just because they didn't know Dogma enough to know otherwise.
Tup had given Fives the benefit of the doubt, and he was so mad at himself for it, and absolutely furious at the trooper he had started to see as an ori'vod. Fives was the reason why Dogma was gone. He'd sent him away, and said that he wouldn't be missed. He probably hadn't said as much to Dogma's face, but he was much more observant than people gave him credit for.
Dogma knew that people didn't understand him. He had a lot of fears of people not liking him. Tup had dismissed all of those uncertainties, reassuring Dogma that their brothers didn't hate him, but at the same time teasing him for doubting them. Because Tup just couldn't fathom the thought of Torrent being as bad as the bullies on Kamino.
Tup felt bad for not taking Dogma's feelings seriously. It was no wonder his vod didn't feel comfortable saying goodbye when Tup was always right there with Fives. Dogma had probably thought that Fives would take the opportunity to get in one last supposably playful dig, and he wouldn't have deserved that. He'd never deserved any of it.
Tup had wanted to know Fives, who he admired so much, had done something so horrible. But he didn't want to ask Fives himself. Tup had been avoiding Fives all week. Whenever the ARC trooper approached him he would quickly leave, and Hardcase, Jesse, and Kix would help him to do so.
Jesse was the one that told Tup about Fives' motives, and it didn't make him any less angry. He'd heard about Echo. Fives mentioned him sometimes, and Tup had felt so sorry for him. He couldn't imagine losing a vod. But in a way, he had lost his vod, and Fives was the reason why. He'd hurt Dogma, and Tup, and even the others, just because he missed Echo and couldn't move on. It wasn't fair.
Tup wanted to talk to Dogma, but he felt guilty. He'd been so close to the brother who had alienated Dogma and sent him away. Did Dogma know that Fives was the one responsible? If he did, how did he feel about Tup having been friends with him? Had he betrayed Dogma without realizing it? How could he even apologize for that? Because if Dogma didn't know, then Tup's apology would end up revealing the truth to him, and then he'd just be hurt.
So he continued to put it off, every day promising himself that he would finally call. He was tempted to go to Hardcase and asking him to make the call, starting things off for him. Tup was in the middle of his shift, but he told himself that after dinner he would go to Hardcase, and he'd finally do what he should have done days ago.
Tup was working when his communicator went off. Looking at it he felt his heart stop when he recognized Dogma's frequency. His vod was calling him. He'd finally be able to talk.
Despite his hesitancy before, Tup didn't wait for one more moment. He dropped what he was doing, took off his helmet, and answered, smiling broadly with tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't care. Dogma didn't really care about his tears. He just didn't like when he was upset.
Tup's face fell when the holo turned on and showed that the person on the other end wasn't his vod. This clone was older. One of the oldest clones that Tup had seen on duty. His eyes held a frightening amount of caution in them.
"Tup." The other clone said. His voice was professional, but there was a vulnerability there. He was emotional, but was so out of practice in showing it. Tup met a number of clones like that. "My name is Commander Fox of the-"
The Coruscant Guard. This was Dogma's commander. Calling Tup using Dogma's communicator. Tup felt like he couldn't breathe.
"Is Dogma okay?!" Tup asked desperately. He knew he shouldn't interrupt a commander, but he couldn't contain his concern. "Is he hurt?"
Fox glanced behind him, though Tup couldn't see what he was looking at. "That's what I'm calling about. There's been an incident, and Dogma has been completely unresponsive. He won't talk. He won't move. His medical files are vague at best. Our medic doesn't know what's wrong. I'm sorry for worrying you, but do you have additional information we can use to help him?"
Tup felt his knees shake. He knew about this. He'd seen it happen at two different instances on Kamino. He didn't see what caused it either time. All he knew was that Dogma would be called away by their instructors. Tup hadn't thought much of it. Dogma and a few of their peers were always taking some additional classes.
On those days though Tup would then find out that Dogma was in the medbay, not because he was hurt, but because he was unresponsive. It was like he was sleeping, but he was conscious. When the Kaminoans had determined that, by their definition, nothing was wrong with Dogma, he would be relinquished into Tup's care because they had more important things to worry about than a 'lazy' clone.
The first time it had happened, Dogma came back to himself during the walk back to the barracks. He was still out of it, but he could walk on his own, and he was at least a little responsive. He hadn't been able to tell Tup what had happened though.
The second time it happened, he'd been in that state for three days. It had scared Tup to death, and he had refused to leave Dogma's side during that time. He'd been so relieved when Dogma 'woke up' that he coudn't stop crying.
Dogma had felt so bad about worrying him. He'd apologized, even though it wasn't his fault, and told Tup that this kind of thing just happened sometimes, usually after a demonstration, which just didn't make sense. They had demonstrations all the time, and Dogma was always fine.
Dogma tried to tell Tup that he didn't have to take care of him when he was like this. He didn't want to scare Tup. But he couldn't abandon Dogma. Not when something so frightening was happening to him and he didn't understand why. It may not happen very often, but it was frequently enough, and Dogma shouldn't go through it alone. Even if he claimed that he didn't remember most of it.
Tup and Dogma had both hoped that these shut-downs, or black-outs, or whatever they were, were just results of the stress of Kamino. That they would go away after they were deployed. They should have known better.
"I don't know a lot about them." Tup wiped at his eyes. Now was not the time to cry. He needed to focus and help Dogma. "But this has happened before. I've seen it twice, but Dogma told me it might have been six or seven times."
"How long does it last?" Fox asked. "He's been like this for about ten hours now."
Tup's heart hurt at the thought of his vod in the guard barracks, curled up and not moving. That wasn't Dogma. It was a shell of his vod, and Tup hated it.
"Dogma said it sometimes lasts for just a few hours." Tup said. "But he said he thinks the longest was a week." Dogma talked about it like it was a normal thing. Tup hated that his brother was so normal and casual about not even knowing how much time had passed.
Fox frowned. "Is there nothing we can do except wait?"
"I think so." Tup said slowly. "Dogma told me that this happens when his mind doesn't feel safe, so I would try to make sure he was okay. But just because he's safe doesn't mean he's going to feel it." Tup didn't know if he was explaining it well. He was the only one who knew what Dogma was going through, and he felt like he knew nothing.
Fox sighed. "The guard isn't really known for being a safe place. Our brothers are the ones who make this place remotely safe. We take care of each other, and Dogma has only just started to warm up to it, but I don't know if he'll find comfort from a vod-pile. Not after what happened."
Tup shuddered. "What did happen?" If he heard that one of the guards was responsible for putting Dogma in this state, he would go rogue and make his way to Coruscant to knock some sense into them.
Fox looked conflicted for a moment. "It's a little sensitive, and I don't think it would be wise to talk about it through comms."
Tup was feeling worse and worse. "What if I come to Coruscant in person? I-I can help Dogma. Will you tell me?"
Fox looked a little conflicted. "I don't think Dogma would want you to know, but this isn't something he can get through alone, and I'm afraid that he's going to push us away after what happened. He needs a vod right now, and I think you're the only one who can do it."
"I'll get there as soon as I can." Tup said. "And thank you for calling me."
"I didn't want to." Fox admitted. "No offense to you, but I haven't been impressed with how the 501st handled Dogma when he was under their care."
"Honestly, neither am I." Tup said. Most of his anger was towards Fives, but he was also frustrated with Rex, Jesse, Hardcase, and Kix. He wondered if all of them had tried harder to make Dogma feel like he belonged, then Fives wouldn't have so easily been able to send him away with the excuse that he wouldn't be missed.
"Does…does Dogma talk about me?" Tup asked. Fox smiled.
All the time." Fox said. "He misses you a lot. I've got mixed messages about everybody else, but he only has good things to say about you."
Tup was glad to hear it, though it was more than he felt he deserved. He didn't think he'd been a good vod for Dogma. He didn't understand him as much as he wanted to. Tup had always been more friendly than Dogma, and he didn't want to feel bad about getting close to the other brothers, but he should have been better at balancing spending time with the others, and making time for Dogma.
Tup hadn't tried to neglect Dogma, but the rest of Torrent was still new and exciting for him. He would eat meals with the others, dragging Dogma along with him, even when the other clearly wanted to eat alone. He would join Dogma for a snuggle and a good read, but when one of the others walked by and asked if he wanted to do something, he would accept without hesitation. He left Dogma, telling himself that he would make it up to him later, and he never did.
Tup wanted to ask if Dogma had made any friends or found any vode in the guard, but he was distracted when his comm went off again. It didn't cut off his call with Fox, but he got a message saying that Kix was trying to call him.
"My medic's calling me." Tup said.
"Probably because our medic called him." Fox said. "Gamma's trying to get answers. He doesn't really like feeling helpless." Fox sighed. "He's not going to like that I don't have anything for him."
"Sorry." Tup wished he could do more.
"No, kid, don't apologize." Fox said. "You're more help than you know. I'll keep you updated if something else happens."
"I'd appreciate it." Tup said. "Thanks again."
Fox nodded and gave him a small salute before ending the call. Tup let out a shuddered breath. He brought his hands to the top of his head and undid his topknot, letting his hair down. He wished that Dogma was here to brush his fingers through his hair. Tup found the feeling to be soothing, and Dogma found the repetitive motions to be grounding. They had wondered if this kind of thing could help snap Dogma out of his own mind when he shut down like this.
Tup wished he was with Dogma so they could at least try.
He stood there alone for a long minute before he could find the will to move. Kix had called him. He probably wanted to know about Dogma's shutdowns. It wasn't the first thing that Tup wanted to talk about, but talking about Dogma at all felt like a weight was being taken off his chest.
Tup hadn't realized that not talking about Dogma, or talking about him like he was dead, almost made him feel like his vod had gone somewhere he couldn't ever find him again. Dogma wasn't gone. He was just on Coruscant. The 501st went there all the time. Tup could still see him. He could still talk to him. Even if they were apart, they were still vode, and that wasn't going to change.
Tup made his way to the medbay, not at all caring that he was walking away from his shift without even telling his supervisor. Dogma was far more important. And he could just imagine Dogma's face if he knew that Tup had abandoned his work for him. He would be so mad, and Tup couldn't help but find the thought funny.
Oh, he missed his vod so much.
He entered the medbay to find Kix frantically going through notes and files. Tup had never seen him look so frantic. Jesse was standing next to him, looking lost and accepting any file that Kix thrust at him. The medic sounded so angry and frustrated as he spoke in Mando'a. Tup only caught a few words, but he could get the gist of it. Kix was mad at the Kaminoans.
"What's he doing?" Tup asked Jesse.
"Looking for Dogma's medical files." Jesse said. He looked at Tup, his eyes full of concern and a touch of frustration. "When you said Dogma had a tendency to shut down when he was overwhelmed, I didn't think you meant that he went comatose."
"Catatonic, Jess," Kix said tensely. "And it's something I should have known about."
"I thought Dogma told you." Tup said. "Sorry." He'd told Dogma that he needed to tell Kix everything, even if he didn't think it was relevant. He hoped that Dogma had just forgotten. Tup just didn't want Dogma to be so dismissive of something that he thought was normal and couldn't be fixed. Just because they didn't know how to treat this didn't mean they couldn't help him.
Kix sighed and set his files down. "The Kaminoans are the ones who should have told me, but of course they don't care. As long as Dogma's able to work, it's not a concern." He sighed and sat down. He looked exhausted. "Gamma said Commander Fox spoke to you."
Tup nodded. "I want to go back to Coruscant. I need to see Dogma." Even if he got there after Dogma came back to himself, Tup knew that it could take several days for Dogma to feel completely like himself again. Tup wanted to help him with that.
"I'll take care of it." Kix said. "Medics override everybody. If I say you're needed on Coruscant for a medical emergency, and I do think this qualifies as one, then it'll happen and nobody can complain about it."
"Can you work your magic for me and Hardcase too?" Jesse asked. "I don't know just what's happening to Dogma, but I know he's stressed, and I don't think what happened last week is helping. If I can just talk to him and make things right-"
"I can't make any promises." Kix said. "But I'll see what I can do." He looked at Tup. "Whether they go with you or not, I'm getting you to Coruscant if I have to fly you there myself."
Tup's chest seemed to fill with warmth. Tears of relief came to his eyes. He was going to see Dogma, and everything was going to be okay again.