Fox was just one man. He knew that he couldn't do everything by himself. He wasn't enough to give the Guard what they needed, but he did his best. Between him, the other commanders, and sacrifices made on the part of the guard, they were able to make things work. Fox wished things could be better, but it was always good enough.
He wasn't able to give that to Dogma.
He didn't know if it was because the kid needed more than they could give, or if Fox' feelings about Dogma made him want to give him more. Either way, it wasn't enough, and Dogma suffered for it.
The kid didn't complain. He stuck through it like the toughest of them. But he was hurting, and he shouldn't be. That was why, as much as Fox had hated to do so, he had called in the 501st. It was a bittersweet experience when Tup arrived and was able to pull Dogma out of the spiraling that Fox had only been able to push him deeper into.
He was glad his ad'ika was okay, but it was hard to know that Fox had only made things worse for him when he'd just been trying to help. That seemed to be a pattern in Fox' life. He could be a great commander and take care of his men, but he stumbled and failed when it came to being a vod and buir.
But Fox wasn't in the habit of admitting defeat. He kept trying, because if he stopped then he would fall to pieces. When Fox saw that Dogma was pulled back to himself by Tup, he didn't sulk. Instead he got to work.
He left the two vode to enjoy each other's company, giving Gamma the responsibility of watching them and comming Fox if anything changed, whether it be for the better or for the worse. With Dogma in Tup and Gamma's capable hands, Fox left the medbay and went to front halls of the barracks where he had left their other visitors.
He recognized one of them. Jesse. One of the di'kute whose mere presence had made Dogma close himself off and wish that he was as emotionless and unfeeling as the kaminoans had wanted them to be. The only thing that kept Fox from stunning them and sending them right back to Rex was that Jesse had shown hints of regret when Fox had met him. That had earned him the chance to explain himself.
His companion was pacing around, but Fox wasn't paying attention to him. He wasn't Fives, which meant that, at least right at that moment, he wasn't a potential threat to his men. Instead Fox turned his complete attention to Jesse, who still needed to prove himself.
As soon as Jesse saw him he stood up straight and saluted. They hadn't left on good terms last time they had seen each other, but Jesse was treating him with respect that he deserved. Fox could tell that he did so reluctantly, but he didn't think it came from a place of defiance. Jesse's expression held nothing but concern.
"Sir." Jesse said. "Is Dogma okay?" His concern made sense. Fox didn't know what Jesse knew about Dogma's condition, but the instant they had arrived at the barracks Fox had grabbed Tup, told him that Dogma needed him, and pulled him to the medbay without another word of explanation to the other two. Jesse and his friend had been left in the dark to imagine the worst.
"He's doing better." Fox said. That was as much as he could say. He had come back to himself, and Tup had hopefully saved him from falling again. It wasn't a lot, but it was something. "Now tell me why I should let you anywhere near him."
A funny expression came across Jesse's face, like he felt both indignant and chastised. Before he could begin to explain himself his companion put himself between him and Fox.
"Hey, we're just worried about our vod'ika." The other clone said.
"Calm down, Hardcase." Jesse said. "He has every right to be cautious about me. I wasn't really much better than Fives."
Hardcase snapped his glare around to Jesse. "You never sent him away."
"But I never made him feel welcome either." Jesse said. He looked Fox in the eyes. "I wasn't the best to Dogma. I took things too far and let too much slide. But I didn't want to hurt him. He can be mad at me if he wants, but I want to at least explain things. I need him to know that the problem wasn't with him, it was with me."
Fox crossed his arms. Jesse certainly sounded sincere, and Fox was inclined to believe him, but he didn't think the other man quite understood just how bad things got.
"Did you know that Dogma doesn't feel comfortable telling his own brothers his name?" Fox asked. Jesse and Hardcase looked appropriately horrified. "He's scared of getting teased again. And within days of getting here he was already overworking himself, not because of ambition, but because he wanted to ease the others burdens. Dogma had convinced himself that that was the only way he could show he cared, because you di'kote got it into his head that he couldn't just talk to them. You made Dogma think that anything he had to say would just make things worse."
Fox took another step towards Jesse and Hardcase, looming over them despite their shared height. "You have no idea how badly you messed that kid up." He said in a low voice. Hardcase looked upset, and any sign of defensiveness was gone from Jesse's eyes. It was still incredibly tempting to send them on their way and keep Dogma exclusively with the guard.
But he could see that they cared about him, and he knew by listening to Dogma that he cared about them too. He talked most about Tup, but Dogma hadn't failed to talk about how Hardcase had been encouraging and pulled him out of his comfort zone, and even though he hadn't always had nice things to say about Jesse, Dogma had also mentioned that the ARC trooper was the one that he felt comfortable going to if he had a nightmare and didn't want to bother Tup.
Dogma needed them, and Fox wasn't going to let his protectiveness be the reason that the kid didn't get what he needed.
Fox sighed and forced himself to back down. "The thing is, I think Kamino broke him first." He didn't like to use that term. When his men got hurt and maimed he still didn't call them broken. That implied that there was something inside of them that couldn't be fixed.
With Dogma though, Fox thought that might just be the case. He casually mentioned so many things he'd faced on Kamino, not knowing that none of it had been right or normal. He'd been shaped by the long-necks, even more than the generic clone had. They had torn him down and tried to reshape him in their image, and Fox was sure that was why Dogma was barely holding things together now
"I don't like you." Fox said to Jesse. "But if you really want to help Dogma, I think there's something you can do to help. Something I can't do myself." Jesse and Hardcase just looked at him with serious determination. They were willing to cooperate. "I need you to help me figure out what is at the root of what's wrong with him."
"Why can't you do it yourself?" Hardcase asked.
"Because I know traumatized clones." Fox said. "That's how I've seen Dogma from the start." Fox could work with trauma. All of the Coruscant Guard had it in some capacity. Fox knew that what was going on with Dogma included more than just a small amount of trauma, but there was something else there too. Something that Fox didn't understand, and he wouldn't be able to because all he knew was the trauma.
He looked at Hardcase. "You know him as a brother. Dogma told me you're friendly with everybody, but you don't treat people the same. You being nice to Jesse looks different than you being nice to Tup, which is a lot different than when you're nice to Dogma. From what I've heard, you're observant and adaptable, even if you don't know it. Perhaps you've noticed some things about Dogma that can help us get to the bottom of things."
Hardcase smirked slightly, looking eager to have the chance to be of some use to Dogma. Jesse didn't look so sure.
"What can I do?" Jesse asked. "I don't know the kid well."
"No, but how you do know him may actually give some necessary insight." Fox said, as much as he might want to admit it. "You treated him like he was a nuisance. A meat-droid. An annoyance and an inconvenience to be around."
Jesse seemed to pale more and more with every word he said. "I didn't mean to-" But Fox didn't let him continue. He wasn't trying to scold him anymore. He was trying to make a point.
"Dogma can't be the only clone you've ever known who is a stickler for the rules." Fox said. "Did you make things hard on them?"
"N-no, Sir." Jesse said. "I don't think so."
"So why did you for Dogma?" Fox asked. Jesse shook his head. "Why was he harder to get along with?"
"I don't know." Jesse said quickly. "He was just…different."
"Exactly." Fox said. "For better or worse, you know how to recognize that Dogma is different. You know how to see what is wrong with him. You used it to bully him before. Now we can use it to help him." If Jesse could pin down what, exactly, made Dogma different from his peers, they could at least have a guess as to what made him that way. Why did he shut down? Why had the Kaminoans blatantly taught him to not have emotions? And why had he gone through Demonstrations when those weren't even supposed to happen on Kamino in the first place?
Jesse didn't look too happy about his role, and that was part of the reason why Fox felt more comfortable trusting him with Dogma. Jesse didn't want to hurt the kid anymore, and Fox would be right there to make sure he didn't.
"Can we see him now?" Hardcase asked eagerly.
"Give him a few more minutes with Tup." Fox said. Dogma needed the peace and quiet for just a little longer. "In the meantime there's someone else we can talk to who can give some insight on what is happening with Dogma." Thire had been asking endlessly about Dogma, and he'd been getting more and more worked up when all Fox could tell him was that nothing had changed. He wasn't going to be happy that Fox hadn't told him right away the second that Dogma had woken up.
At first Fox hadn't told him because it simply hadn't crossed his mind. Now he wasn't sure if it would be smart to bring Thire in so soon. Maybe Dogma would feel better when he saw that Thire was just fine, with only the smallest limp from his nearly healed injury. Or maybe he would start to spiral and shut down again at the reminder of what he had done.
Dogma was subconsciously forcing himself to forget the Demonstration. Fox didn't feel like that was healthy, but he was scared that if he forced the kid to remember things he couldn't handle then his mind would just snap and he wouldn't be able to come back. He felt like the kid was hanging on by a thread, and it was Fox' responsibility to help him hold on.
At least for right now, Fox felt like it would be for the best to keep Thire away from Dogma, just for a little bit until he was steadier and not at risk of relapsing.
Fox brought the 501st fools deeper into the barracks. It felt weird to not be wearing his helmet when he wasn't in the safety of his office, but this was the first time that the guard barracks had outside visitors. The guards would be anxious to see outsiders here. If they saw that they were accompanied by Fox, and he felt safe enough around them to show his face, then his men would recognize that these soldiers weren't a threat.
While most of the guard were currently on shift, Thire wasn't one of them. There needed to be a commander available and on shift in the barracks at all times. Because Thire was still considered to be injured, he was on the evening barrack's duty, because that was when it was least likely for there to be an emergency on Coruscant that needed to be addressed, but there was a higher than normal amount of guards lingering around the barracks. It kept Thire busy without putting him in a situation where he might get hurt.
Fox found Thire in the sleeping quarters, laying on one of the beds and looking bored out of his mind. Fox knew that the second he could walk without a noticeable limp he was going to be going back onto the streets, not because they needed the manpower, though they did, but because he was getting antsy. Clones weren't made for desk work. Not even the Coruscant Guard, despite what the GAR said.
When Thire saw him and the 501st boys behind him, he sat up, looking both hopeful and anxious. He knew this was about Dogma. "How is he?"
"He's aware." Fox said. "He almost slipped back when Gamma referenced how you got hurt, but his vod is with him now."
"So, uh, what exactly is going on with Dogma?" Hardcase asked. "Nobody's telling me."
"There was an incident a week ago." Fox said. He pulled up a chair and faced Thire. "I think it's time I get a full report on what happened."
Thire stiffened and sent an uneasy glance towards Hardcase and Jesse. "Now, Sir?"
"Yes." Fox said. If he was going to trust these two to help him figure out what was going on with Dogma, then, they would need the full story first. They claim to want what's best for Dogma. If that's true, they'll listen without interruption.
Thire steeled his expression, nodding seriously. "I was working with Dogma in the senate building. We could tell there were some visitors around, and things were tense. I suspected that a Demonstration was imminent, and during our break Dogma said that he thought the same thing." Thire was trying to sound professional, but there was a dip of frustration and concern in his voice already.
Fox already knew that Dogma was aware of Demonstrations from his time on Kamino. That was something he wished he could ask the kid about, except after today he knew that he couldn't ask Dogma about them. If those Demonstrations were like this one, he wouldn't, and couldn't, remember them, and Fox would just hurt him if he tried to force him to.
Thire had already informed him of what Dogma had told him about the Demonstrations. That wasn't what Fox was here for, and Thire knew it.
"I got a summons from Jedi General Pong Krell." Thire said, his voice dripping with hatred. "Dogma was reluctant to leave me alone. He insisted on accompanying me until he was commanded otherwise. When the General saw Dogma he asked for his name, and he then asked if he had been appropriately named. H-he wanted to test it. So instead of using me for the Demonstration, as I'm sure he intended, he took both of us."
Fox could feel how tense Jesse and Hardcase were behind him, but he kept his focus on Thire. "What was the nature of this Demonstration?"
The General wanted to prove that the Coruscant Guard were more loyal and obedient than the GAR." Thire said tensely. Fox could hear that he was on the edge of losing himself in the memory himself. "I was told to stand in the center of the room. The General then went to Dogma, told him to take his blaster off of stun, and then take aim at me." Thire's voice was getting tight. Fox hated to make his brother talk about it, but they didn't have much of a choice."
"...Dogma didn't shoot you, did he?" Jesse's tone was hard to interpret. Fox turned and looked at him, only to see that Jesse's gaze was on Thire's leg, where the injury was visible and unwrapped, as Gamma wanted to let it breathe.
"He didn't have a choice." Thire said tensely. "He was given orders."
"But we're not just mindless droids." Jesse said. A common argument from the GAR who didn't understand just what sacrifices the guard needed to make. "We can think for ourselves."
"And what would the consequences have been if he had?" Fox raised an eyebrow at Jesse and Hardcase. "Your general may be fine with defiance, but not all of them are. General Pong Krell has the highest rate of clone deaths among all the Jedi, because he simply doesn't care. All he cares about us is how efficient we can be."
"He was testing Dogma's loyalty." Thire said. "Using him as an example in front of potential investors. If Dogma disobeyed, he would have proven General Krell wrong in front of the investors, humiliating him and losing the Republic hundreds upon thousands of credits. Do you really think me or Dogma would have walked away from that with just a slap on the wrist?"
Hardcase was breathing harshly now. His hands were clenched and held on his side. "I can't believe a Jedi would do something like that." None of them had expected it. Fox had always had neutral opinions about the Jedi. He really should have looked more into things when Dogma had mentioned on his very first day that both senators and the Jedi could single out the guard when Fox had only seen the senators do it.
Fox didn't know what he could have done to prepare for this, but he felt like he should have done something.
"Dogma knew." Fox said. "He knew it would happen the whole time." If General Skywalker hadn't put the idea into Dogma's head that the Jedi were a threat, then the Kaminoans had to have done it. But why would they teach any clone to fear their generals when they'd been created to serve them? It just didn't make sense.
Fox reached a hand out and put it on Thire's uninjured leg. "What happened after the Demonstration?"
Thire swallowed thickly. "General Krell and the investors left. I couldn't really walk, but I was more worried about Dogma. He was completely frozen and unresponsive. The blaster was still half raised, and he looked like he wouldn't lower it, even though I could see his hands shaking from the other side of the room. I dragged myself to Dogma, and he still didn't react at all. I practically pulled him to the ground so he would relax and get off his feet. I had to pull his helmet off, and he still didn't move. He just…turned off.
"And he was like that for a week?!" Jesse looked like he was going to be sick. "What was wrong with him?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out." Fox said. "The way Dogma thinks, the things he says about Kamino, it's different than anybody else I've ever met."
"Hang on." Hardcase frowned. "Why would things have been different on Kamino for him? We all got the same training. I mean, yeah, there's ARC training, and the commanders went through more than everyone else, but why would Dogma have?"
Fox had been asking himself the same thing for a while. He had a vague idea that kept crossing his mind, but he didn't ask about it because Dogma had gotten so upset when he had.
Jesse didn't have those reservations.
The ARC trooper frowned. "Okay, I know we were probably out of line when we joked about it, but are we sure Dogma wasn't reconditioned? I mean, we've all heard the stories about the Kaminoans taking disobedient clones and torturing them until they're submissive, perfect little flesh-droids. Maybe they're not just stories."
Having someone else say it out loud was what Fox needed. "I've thought the same thing. But Dogma got rather defensive when I asked about it. He insists he's always been like this, and the Kaminoans didn't hurt him any more than anybody else. He hates the implication that he was reconditioned."
Jesse sighed. "Kix said he told him the same thing."
Hardcase looked between the two of them. "Can't he have been reconditioned without knowing that was what it was? I mean, it's not like the long-necks would straight up say 'we're going to brainwash you now'."
Jesse and Fox exchanged glances. They had been thinking of reconditioning according to the rumors, but not all of those could be true. For example, Dogma insisted he had never been defiant, and that was the main reason why the stories claimed someone was reconditioned in the first place. If that was off, who knew what else was?
But then, who knew what was correct?
As uncomfortable as it was going to make Dogma, they were going to need to talk to him about this. They needed to know exactly what had happened to him on Kamino. Even if he didn't think there was anything odd about it, they'd be able to know if it was or not. And if they knew what was wrong with Dogma, they could help him get better.
They just needed to figure out how to address the issue without making him close in on himself all over again. His mind was protecting him from harmful memories, but maybe it wouldn't need to if they could help him get past all he'd been through, whatever that had been.
Fox wanted to get started right away, but he forced himself to hold back. Dogma was still overwhelmed and recovering. He needed to relax with his brother, at least for a few more minutes. Fox could wait a little longer before throwing more stress at him.