Tup walked down the halls of the Jedi temple, trying to push down his frustration and ignore his pounding headache. He was in a bad mood. He didn't want to be, and he tried his best not to be, but he couldn't help it.
He had come here to support Dogma and Fox as they went to their mind healing sessions with the Jedi. Fox' mind was apparently muddled and rearranged in all kinds of concerning ways that had something to do with the Sith, but Dogma was making progress. Tup wanted to be happy for him. He wanted to be grateful to the Jedi, but he couldn't.
Every time he thought of the Jedi going into Dogma's mind he remembered that his vod considered himself to be a slave to them. Visiting a mind healer meant putting yourself in a vulnerable position, submitting to the power of somebody else. Tup wanted Dogma to heal, but he felt sick and furious at the thought of him submitting to the Jedi in any way.
It had been just a small paranoid thought at first. An intrusive and unpleasant anxious thought that had been easy enough to dismiss, because Tup had known that the Jedi wouldn't hurt Dogma, and going to the healer would hopefully get him to stop seeing himself as a slave at all.
As time went on though the thought just kept showing up, and it was getting harder and harder to push away. It didn't help that there were now so many other worries and frustrations that Tup had about the Jedi.
Someone from the Jedi Council would come to update the clones on the progress, or lack thereof, on finding the Sith, and Tup would bitterly think about how they pointedly weren't believing the word of Fox, who they considered to be their key witness. Tup would see young Jedi training, and all he could think about were the countless cadets on Kamino, some of whom may be facing the same harsh training that Dogma had.
He would hear news about the frontlines, and instead of feeling the righteous pride in being a soldier of the Republic all he felt was disillusioned. He had brothers dying out there, serving under their Jedi Generals, who were just standing in the back and telling their men to throw their lives away, and then taking all the credit for every battle they won.
Tup knew that wasn't what was happening. Some of the Jedi generals could be harsh or cruel, such as Krell, but most of them cared about their men. They were good leaders, and they were some of the best advocates for clones rights out there. Tup knew this, but every time he saw the Jedi those facts went out the window and all he could feel was an inexplicable rage.
It was exhausting and frightening. He didn't know why he was so mad, and he didn't know how to make it stop. He'd tried to see a Jedi mind healer about it, and it helped for a day or so, but then the anger just came back stronger than before.
Tup would prefer to avoid the Jedi altogether. If he wasn't thinking about them he wouldn't get so needlessly mad. That strategy would work if it weren't for the fact that Dogma needed the Jedi's help, and Tup needed his brother to be okay, even if he had to trust the Jedi (traitors) to take care of him.
Tup was going to trust the Jedi with his brother's well-being, but not his safety. If Dogma had a healing session, Tup was determined to be there with him. He couldn't leave his vod. Not now. Not ever.
Tup walked into the halls of healing. He saw Dogma sitting on the ground. He wasn't wearing his helmet. He was cleaning it with care. Tup didn't know if this was a good sign of not. On the one hand, Dogma felt safe enough near the Jedi to let his guard down. He showed his face. He was sitting instead of standing at attention. He wasn't thinking twice about showing them that he was human.
But he wasn't relaxing. He was still doing work. He felt like he couldn't stop. It had been far too deeply ingrained in him.
Tup had a surefire way to get his brother to calm down. He went closer to his brother and sat next to him. He took his hair out of its bun, shaking it out. He turned so his back was to Dogma, who sighed. There was the sound of him setting his helmet down. He started brushing his fingers through Tup's hair, and the both of them relaxed.
"How's the healing?" Tup asked.
"I don't know." Dogma said. "I don't think I feel any different, but…I'm not as scared anymore." Dogma let out a small scoff. "It makes no sense. There is so much to be scared of. The fight's only gotten bigger. But I have people fighting for me." He reached one of his hands around, and Tup took it, giving it a squeeze. "And I have people to fight for."
Tup didn't say a word about how they had always had people to fight for. They fought for the citizens of the Republic. They fought for freedom. They fought on behalf of the senate and their Jedi generals. All of that was still true, but it wasn't what Dogma was talking about.
Dying for a cause was noble. No clone could argue that much. But giving your life and becoming just one of countless soldiers who died in the name of democracy just wasn't the same as living with and for the people you care about. Tup had learned this as a cadet, as soon as he learned just what it meant to be a vod. It was painful to know that Dogma hadn't let himself learn it until now, but Tup couldn't be more grateful that at least he learned it at all. Better late than never.
"Is Fox still in there?" Tup asked needlessly. He knew that unless Dogma was seeing the Jedi himself he wouldn't be here unless Fox was.
Dogma huffed slightly in frustration and concern. "They said they wouldn't be working with him for too long today, but it's been almost three hours."
Tup grimaced. "I thought he was here for healing today? Not an interrogation." They had Fox come in for both. He didn't appreciate either of the sessions, but the healing work with the Jedi was at least for his own good. Being questioned was just demeaning. He wasn't being treated as an equal, but as a subordinate.
Tup knew that technically Fox wasn't equal with the Jedi. How could he be? It wasn't possible for clones to rise in the ranks that far. Even as far as clones were concerned, Fox' status as Commander, not even Marshal Commander, meant that he still wasn't the highest chain of command. But that was just according to ranks and nothing else.
Tup had seen Fox work. He'd seen what the Coruscant guards did, and how Fox led them just as well, if not better, than many of the Jedi did their own men. Fox was an impressive and loyal soldier, and it bothered Tup to no end that the Jedi weren't giving him the respect he felt he deserved.
"They're not interrogating him." Dogma insisted. "They're not torturing him. They're not punishing him. They're not even looking into his mind. They're just…questioning him."
Tup scowled. "It's not the questions I have a problem with, it's the fact that they don't want to hear the answers they're given, and they're making Fox feel like that's somehow his fault." Fox was a commander. He had better things to do than sit around the Jedi temple, having his claims be questioned at every turn.
Dogma stopped brushing his hair. Tup turned to look at his brother. He was ready to apologize. Dogma was concerned enough about Fox as it was. He didn't need to hear Tup's complaints and harsh words. When Tup looked at Dogma though he stopped. His vod was looking at him with blatant concern.
"You're upset." Dogma said. He squeezed Tup's hand. "What's wrong?"
Tup sighed. "I don't know." And that just upset him even more. "I'm just…I'm just so mad at the Jedi, and I don't even know why. I don't like them. I don't trust them. I hate feeling like this."
"They're doing their best." Dogma said. Tup rolled his eyes and a sharp pain went through his head, making him scowl.
"Well, maybe their best isn't good enough." Tup said sharper than he meant. This wasn't like him at all. He wasn't an angry person. It took him a lot to break him down, but lately it felt like any little thing could sour his mood, and it was just getting worse.
Tup rubbed his forehead. "Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Dogma scooted closer to him so Tup was nearly sitting on his lap. "Have you seen the medic about it?"
Tup gave his brother an odd look. "The medics don't deal with grumpiness."
"Maybe not." Dogma admitted. "But they can see if there is a physical issue that is affecting your mood. Maybe you're not getting enough food, or you're having a hard time getting used to the new diet. Maybe you've been having a hard time sleeping. Or you might be looking for a fight because the soldier in you is getting antsy after so long of not having a battle to fight. That happens to a lot of men in the guard."
Tup hadn't considered that there might be an explanation for how he'd been feeling. He had thought that he was just overreacting, getting worked up on Dogma and Fox' behalf because he felt like they weren't upset enough. It felt too good to be true that there might be something he could do to stop this.
"I have been getting headaches." Tup admitted. "And sleep is…hard." He'd been avoiding it more than normal since coming to Coruscant.
"Nightmares?" Dogma asked.
"Nightmares." Tup said. The nightmares that all clones had, and none of them could remember. They were stronger than some for others, and different events could make the bad dreams more recurring, but they weren't usually so persistent. Tup had been getting them more and more lately. Now he couldn't go more than three days without having the nightmare once or twice.
Dogma nodded in understanding. "The nightmares get worse for a lot of clones in the guard. Maybe there's something in the air."
Tup felt a spike of concern. "Have your nightmares gotten worse?"
Dogma shook his head. "Not really. I can't remember the last time I had one of those nightmares. Fox gets them all the time though."
"Does he know what makes them stop?" Tup asked, though he knew it would be in vain. If Fox knew how to not have the nightmares, he wouldn't be having them.
"No. Sorry." Dogma sounded genuinely apologetic, and Tup felt bad for worrying him.
"It's okay." Tup said. "I'll talk to Kix. He might have some ideas." He wasn't convinced, but he didn't want to worry Dogma any more than he already had. When Dogma relaxed, so did Tup. His head still ached, and the anger was still there just below the surface, but being with his vod helped.
Dogma went back to brushing Tup's hair, and he started to doze off. He didn't truly sleep, but he drifted off for a while until they heard a door open and Fox came out of the chamber. Tup was relieved that the Jedi he'd been speaking to remained in the room. He knew they were probably talking about things that he wouldn't like, but at least he didn't have to see them.
Besides, if they came out with Fox Tup thought it would just look like they were escorting him like he was a dangerous criminal, and he wouldn't be able to stand the sight.
Fox didn't look great, but he had looked far worse. Tup didn't feel like he was going to shut down as soon as they returned to the barracks. It had been concerning the first few times it had happened. Still, he looked tired and very unimpressed. Tup wouldn't be surprised if Fox had worked a shift before coming to the temple, and the Jedi either had no idea or they just didn't care. After all, what did too long of hours matter when it came to catching a Sith?
Dogma got up from the floor and went to stand near Fox, who drew him into a Keldabe Kiss.
"I'm fine, kid." Fox said. "It's just been a long day." He released Dogma, who still refused to leave his side. Tup stood up and grabbed his vod's helmet. The three of them started to make their way out of the temple. None of them said another word until they were on the streets and waiting for a shuttle.
"What took them so long?" Tup asked.
"They wanted to know about every other time I've been disciplined by the Chancellor." Fox said. "They wanted to know when it happened, why it happened, and what my punishment consisted of. I don't think they were expecting how many instances there would be, but I do my job well." Fox smirked slightly. "Everything's documented, down to my recovery time and any lingering scars I might have had."
"And the Jedi still aren't convinced that you know what you're talking about?" Tup asked.
"I think some of them might be." Fox said. "Masters Yoda, Windu, Kenobi, and Plo Koon all seem to believe that even if the Chancellor isn't the Sith, at least some of my memories about the punishments haven't been modified, so they want to investigate him regardless."
Dogma breathed a sigh of relief, but the tight feeling in Tup's chest just got worse. Why did it take so long for only about half the Jedi Council to even consider that Fox, and the other guard commanders, had been mistreated by the Chancellor. Were they really that deep in the senate's pockets?
Tup tried not to make his annoyance too obvious, but Dogma gave him a meaningful look. He took Tup's hand and squeezed it.
"Don't forget to see Kix." Dogma said. "Maybe he can't do anything, but you never know."
"Don't worry. I'll see him as soon as we get back to the barracks." Tup promised. The trip back wasn't a long one. As soon as they were behind closed doors again Fox seemed to droop. He groaned and his stiff posture vanished. He didn't look like he was going to literally collapse, but he looked like he desperately wanted to. Dogma took his hand.
"Vod pile." Dogma said in a tone that left no room for argument.
"Sounds nice." Fox said.
"I'll join you guys later." Tup said. He needed to check in on Kix. "Make sure you tell Rex about your vod pile. You know how disappointed he'll be if you do one without him." Fox looked equally amused and annoyed. Dogma chuckled and led the way to the sleeping quarters. Tup went the other way to the medbay.
Kix had been doing a lot of work with Gamma, learning the guard's procedures so he could help them, and sharing supplies with them from the 501st. He seemed so stressed and busy every time Tup saw him, but he still seemed very content. He was pleased with the work he was doing.
Tup went in and he saw Kix setting up a holoprojector, talking frantically to his communicator as he did so. Tup had seen him do this kind of thing before. Sometimes medics called each other for medical advice, and they used holoprojectors to get a better idea of what they were working with. It didn't happen often though, only for very large and complicated procedures, or when a surveillance team needed to treat their injuries themselves and needed to be talked through it.
Kix usually handled these situations calmly, but he looked stressed right now. Gamma was going around the medbay, wiping down everything and setting aside equipment, asking Kix if they could 'use this', or substitute one device for another. They both looked like they were getting ready for a surgery.
"What's going on?" Tup asked anxiously. Whatever it was, Fox had no idea about it, or else he would have come here the second he returned to the barracks.
Kix turned away from the holoprojector, a frantic look in his eyes. "Tup." He looked at the communicator. "Is something wrong? We're…we're a little busy here right now."
Tup took a step back. "I'm okay. It can wait." But nothing made Kix worry like somebody denying that they needed help. He stepped towards Tup, holding a hand out to him to invite him further into the medbay.
"No, I'm sorry, I have time." Kix said. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing." Tup insisted. Kix gave him an unimpressed look. Tup sighed. "I was just wanting a bit of a check-up. My head's been hurting, and my mood has been terrible. I've just been getting so mad for no reason, and I don't know what's going on."
"Have you been getting nightmares?" Gamma asked over his shoulder as he continued gathering things. Medics were great at multi-tasking.
"A lot of them." Tup said.
"Nightmares?" General Skywalker's voice came over Kix' communicator. "And your head's been hurting?"
"Uh…yes. Yes, Sir." Tup said. He wondered what the General was doing talking to Kix. "If I may ask, what's going on?" He had thought that Skywalker had gone to Kamino to figure out what had happened to Dogma. Any medical emergency that might have happened could be handled by the Kaminoans.
"I found something." General Skywalker said. "I talked to a Kaminoan, and got more than I was looking for. They said…well…Kix, why don't you show him? Then we'll know if your scans work for this."
"I'm setting up the scanner now." Gamma said. He brought Tup to a medical bed, getting him situated so he was under a make-shift scanner. He sat still and let Gamma maneuver him as needed. It wasn't the first time he had done to cooperate for a medic when he had no idea what was happening.
The scan was done in a matter of seconds. Gamma pulled up a screen that showed his brain. Tup didn't see a problem, but he heard Gamma give a very small gasp.
"There it is." Gamma said breathlessly.
"I don't know why you're surprised." Kix said. He turned on the holoprojector, establishing a holocall with General Skywalker. "We checked each other, and we found it."
"Yeah, but it feels different now." Gamma said. "Bigger. More real."
"What?" Tup asked. He sat up. Kix sat on the bed next to him, gesturing to the screen.
"Do you see that anomaly there?" Kix said. There was a dark spot. Tup would have overlooked it without a second thought. It had to be important if Skywalker had called about it. "The Kaminoans call it an inhibitor chip."
Tup brought a hand to his head. "A chip?"
"Supposably it's to rein in any aggressive traits we might have gotten from Jango Fett." Gamma said. His tone made it clear that he didn't believe it for a second. "But if that were the case they would have at least told the medics and commanders, or at least the Jedi Generals, about it, just in case something went wrong."
"So what are they for?" Tup asked.
"Control." Skywalker said. Tup looked at the man's hologram. "These chips can be used to control you. Force you to do something you might not want to do." He scowled darkly. "Sounds like a slave chip to me."
Tup felt ill. "Dogma was trained to see himself as a slave. D-do you think we were created to be slaves?" How many of the clones had chips? All of them?
General Skywalker's voice was gentle and reassuring. "It doesn't matter what you were 'created' for. You're living beings. You have hopes, and needs, and lives, and I'm not going to let some chips take that away from you." General Skywalker stepped back, revealing that he was standing near a medical bed that Fives was sitting on. "So we're going to do something about it."
"What?" Tup asked, though he already had a pretty good idea.
"We're going to get the chip out." Fives said. He sounded nervous, but determined. Tup had never seen Fives scared of a medical procedure before. His heart thumped at the thought of what getting the chip out would involve. If it was implanted in their heads then it would involve a very delicate operation to get it out. Tup wasn't a medic, but he knew that brains were sensitive.
"B-but isn't that dangerous?" Tup asked.
"We've got a medical droid here who knows what he's doing." Skywalker said. "AZI-3 will take care of Fives, and I'll be right here to make sure nothing goes wrong."
"Gamma and I will watch the procedure through the hologram." Kix said. "If AZI-3 tries something, we'll know." That explained why they had the holoprojector, but not why Kix and Gamma looked like they were getting ready for surgery themselves.
"You look like you're the ones about to operate." Tup said.
"I just want to make sure we have everything on hand." Kix said. "If the procedure goes well, which it should, then General Skywalker wants me to be familiar with how it's done."
"We're going to need all hands on deck to get these chips out of as many clones as we can as soon as possible." Skywalker said.
Tup frowned slightly. He thought about his headache, possibly caused by the chip. He didn't think that was supposed to happen. He looked at Fives, who had signed up to be a test subject of sorts. He looked at Kix and Gamma, who were going to be expected to do this same procedure after watching it through a slightly glitchy hologram.
Tup swallowed thickly. "W-would it help if Kix and Gamma had someone over here to do the surgery on? So they can do it alongside AZI-3?"
"Yes." Gamma said.
"Absolutely not." Kix looked at him and Gamma like they were insane. "This is an experimental procedure. We don't even know if it will work. Or if there will be any ill-effects to the chips being taken out."
"But we need to know." Tup said. "What if there are side-effects, but Fives just doesn't show them? I've listened to Dogma enough to know that you can't make a judgement based off of one set of data. You need all the information you can get."
"Tup, listen to me." Kix positioned himself in front of Tup, putting his hands on his shoulders. "More information is good, yes, but you don't have to do this. We can afford to wait."
"I don't know if we can." Tup rubbed his forehead. "I-I have a bad feeling. I haven't been feeling like myself, and I don't know why. If it's because of this chip, if it's doing something to me, then I want it out before it gets even worse."
Kix stared at him for a long minute before he sighed and stepped back. "Gamma, get him ready for surgery. AZI-3, talk me through every single step of what we're going to be doing."
Tup took a deep breath of both relief and fear as he started to take off his armor. He wanted to be comfortable. The holoprojector was moved closer to the bed. AZI-3 was talking to Kix, but Tup could see Fives behind him, sitting there looking as nervous as he felt.
He wanted to talk to Fives. He wanted to know why he was doing this. He wanted reassurance that things would be okay. He wanted a brother there, even if that brother was one that he was still really mad at.
But the others were talking, and that was more important than Tup's comfort. So he just sat there and stared at Fives. The older clone gave him a small smile and a nod. The kind of gesture that brothers gave to each other when they were about to step onto a battlefield that they hoped to walk away from, but knew that they might not.
No matter how Tup felt about Fives, he was still his brother, and they were still fighting on the same side. Tup couldn't help but smile back at him and return the gesture. He stared at Fives for as long as he could, barely paying attention when Gamma explained to him what was about to happen. He only tore his gaze away when Kix addressed him.
"We're ready to start." Kix said. "Are you sure about this?"
Tup nodded, even as his stomach twisted in knots. "I'm sure."
Kix gave him a small smile. "It won't take long. You'll be awake before you know it, and everything will be just fine."
"See you on the other side, brother." He heard Fives' voice. Tup took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"See you on the other side." He said as he felt consciousness slip away from him.