Didn't expect it, but my injury came good really fast, so as a result I was able to write really fast! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter, there is a lot going on atm and I have a whole bunch of things that I want to happen... I have taken onboard some feedback and will continue to let it unravel over the next few chapters but a whole lot of healing is going on, on everyones behalf. I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think OR ILL NEVER POST ANOTHER CHAPTER AGAIn.
i kid, i kid. have a wonderful week!
"Gosh, what a day…" Kaci flopped back in to the couch beside Noah. Hannah, Adam and Alice had left early for dinner with their Uncle and had offered to drop Ryan home too. Olivia loaded them all up with snacks and food and made a special care package for Ryan, including some soda and some sweet tea that Georgie had made. He tried to play off how excited he was, but his eyes lighting up when he saw all the leftovers didn't go unnoticed.
"It's been so nice though, yeah?," Noah asked with a little smile.
"Yeah," she grinned at him. "Thanks for never getting embarrassed to hold my hand or putting an arm around me and telling everyone I'm your girlfriend…"
"Why would I be embarrassed?" Noah asked, "I am so proud of you, I can't believe I finally got my head together so that it makes sense and I don't feel complicated anymore…"
"Good…" she murmured. She saw Noah looking around, some people had gone home including Amanda and Carisi and Bella to take the kids home for a rest — they were going to return a bit later with just Billie and Jessie. He leaned forward and kissed Kaci softly on the lips, placing his hand on her shoulder. He pulled away and Kaci leaned forward, recapturing his mouth against hers.
/
"Look at those two," Tara remarked softly to Olivia, "they think they're being so discreet," she chuckled.
"I know, its sickening," she smiled. "I think they're okay though, what do you think?"
"I think they're okay. They're communicating well with both of us and Kaci has absolutely promised that if she's going to make any big decisions, she will talk to me first."
"Same, Noah promised Trevor…"
"I'm not worried Liv, I had to really just let go. I just want my baby to come to me and talk to me if she needs, not end up in a situation like I did."
Olivia nodded slow, "I understand…" she replied. She was exhausted. She was starting to notice the heaviness of her baby bump, the 26th week really had turned a corner for her. Things were starting to happen with her body; she felt tired again, not as tired as she had been when she found out she was pregnant, but she was also still suffering with nausea on and off — a side effect that the doctor had explained sometimes hit women the entire pregnancy. She covered a yawn with her hand. "Sorry," she apologised.
"No, no please don't apologise, you poor thing, you must have had a big day, especially after last night."
"Yeah but its okay, its worth it," she smiled.
"Can I interrupt?," Nick asked, "may I sit?"
"Of course," Tara smiled, "please, I'll get up-"
"No, no… you sit there, I just wanted to come and say hello and now that there's not as much going on, I get to chat to everyone a bit better," Nick smiled.
"I'm a bit sad that Dani and Adeline had to go, but I understand," Liv smiled.
"Oh, don't worry, Liv, we're here for the week, we'll see you again. Adeline was really just not dealing well with so many people… she's a little highly strung sometimes, we're keeping an eye on it."
"It can be overwhelming with a lot of people," Tara agreed, "my baby Kaci used to hate being around crowds when she was little."
"Ohhh, you're Kaci's Mom, nice to meet you. Noah introduced me to her earlier, she's very sweet. She and Noah are really cute."
"Sorry, my brain is mush," Olivia cut in, "Nick, this is Tara Tramwell, Tara, this is Nick, Nick and I worked on the job together for about 5 years before he left me for L.A."
Tara smiled, "I did not leave you, Liv," Nick replied, "I didn't leave her Tara, I had to take a transfer to be out there for my daughter and ex-wife, but I never left, I left the job in NYC, not you. Not like some assholes."
Olivia couldn't help but to smirk. "I know," she smiled, "you've been a good friend, I'm really glad you guys made it and how amazing has it been to see Zara," she gushed.
"Zara is my daughter," he told Tara, "she's almost two years older than Noah and they were thick as thieves as little kids."
"Aww that's so sweet, she was the girl who came in just after you, right?"
He nodded, "yeah that's my eldest bambina."
"She's stunning, what a sweetheart."
They chatted for a little while longer and Nick got up to have another beer with Trevor and Gavin before he figured it was best to go, leaving Olivia just with their family and Tara who Olivia kept telling to stay.
/
"Do you guys want to eat something?" Trevor asked Kaci and Noah who wandered in to the kitchen, "there's still some food left over for you to have a proper meal?," he offered.
They exchanged looks and Kaci gave him a shy smile. He knew she wanted to eat. "Yeah, thanks Dad, we can make plates up."
"Its okay, I've got you guys," he replied. "Mom, Dad? Food?"
His parents declined and he decided to just prepare some food for Tara and Olivia to pick at since he knew Olivia hadn't had a lot to eat over the day. "Wow, so much food left over…" Noah remarked when he watched Trevor portion out some cold roast chicken to everyone's plates followed by some slaw and some little pin wheel pizzas and other little things that Trevor's mother had made.
"Thanks Dad," Noah as Trevor slid two plates in front of them.
"You're welcome, kiddos, enjoy. Thank you both for all of your help today."
He made his way to the two women at the table and placed some food down. "Here you go, ladies, make sure you eat some dinner okay? I'll bring some dessert in a little bit."
"Oh, thanks Trevor," Tara smiled. "That's so nice of you."
"Thanks honey," Liv murmured. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "You're welcome." She looked over at the kids and took stock at how sweet and innocent puppy love was. Noah held on to the back of her stool and swung his from side-to-side as he often did to her when they sat by each other. "Trev, could you please ask the kids to come and sit down with us, Tara and I want to talk to them about the ground rules of this relationship if you want to join us."
"Good idea, give me a second. I'll just check on Lexi and grab my food."
Once everyone had sat down, Trevor cracked his beer and poured a wine for Tara. They all picked at their food a little before Tara began. "Liv, Trev and I were talking before guys, and we want to lay down some ground rules of you both having an official relationship."
"Oh boy," Noah murmured, widening his eyes, looking down in to his plate as he wiped his fingers on a napkin.
"Noah-" Olivia warned him. "This is serious. You're both 14, not 21, we're all very okay and understanding of your feelings for one another, but there will be some rules."
"Okay," he said quickly. Kaci didn't say a word, she listened to her Mom and Olivia and Trevor.
"Kace, I know this is going to be difficult for you, but Liv and I were talking about Noah's phone rules — that he's not allowed to have his phone after 9pm and it's not to be in his room with him after 9pm or before he's ready for school. He's not allowed to use his phone at the dining table either or other times when Olivia and Trevor decide."
"I know," she replied, "that's okay."
"Well," Tara began, "I think I'm going to apply those rules to your phone too. And no more snapchat - for either of you. We want the app deleted from your phones and you have to communicate through text messages."
"But we send photos and videos-" Kaci argued, looking at Noah.
"Guys, I'm a teacher I know how snapchat can be misused because you guys think that nothing lasts forever, but I know that's not true and Noah, your Mom, she can give you guys dozens of examples of how apps like snapchat can be used against you," Trevor explained, "it would just make us all feel safer if you used iMessages."
"Is this so you guys can access our messages?" Noah asked, a little annoyed.
"No, of course not," Olivia said quickly, "Noah, I would never go through your private conversations with your friends or with Kaci, you know that. I trust you until I have a reason not to."
He sighed and glanced at Kaci. "I like snapchat," she murmured sadly. Her cheeks were pink, a tell-tale sign that she was upset, her Mom noted.
"I know, honey, I'm sorry, I would have had all these rules set before but… your Dad-"
"Clive," Kaci snapped, "he's not a father."
Tara winced, "you know why I allowed you to use snapchat, sweetie and now you don't need to hide your messages or worry about someone going through your things. You can still take selfies and videos and whatever else, but now you'll get to keep them, isn't that nicer?"
"I guess…" Kaci replied. "I didn't do anything wrong though, so why do my phone rules have to change?"
"Because Olivia pointed out to me that in life, it's not realistic to allow people to have 24/7 access to us, I don't. Olivia and Trevor — they don't. It's not reasonable. You have to know there's boundaries and your friends have to understand that you are not available around the clock. The time without your technology will be your down time, you can read or watch TV or … I don't know, meditate— talk to me without me having to compete for your attention."
"I don't actually mind my phone rules," Noah pitched in, understanding his girlfriend was upset. "It's annoying if I'm bored or if I want to say something — but if that's the case, I just ask if I can send a quick message or reply to my messages and most of the time Mom or Dad says yes, but… the time that I don't have my phone is time that I spend with Lexi or watching movies with my family — studying, reading… all the things that I know I would be distracted from if I kept getting messages every five seconds."
"Thanks Noah," Olivia smiled at her son.
"Okay," Kaci replied quietly.
"So about this relationship — we're happy for you to spend time together and you can come here, Kaci, or Noah can go to your apartment, but we need to know where you both are. No closed bedroom doors, still no parties and neither of you are to be home alone together."
"That's fair," Noah replied.
"And," Trevor added, "if either of your grades slip, we'll revise the rules. School is important so don't let your relationship get in the way of that."
"What abouttttt…." Noah began, "if I wanted to take Kaci on a date."
Tara hid a smile and enjoyed the look of adoration on her daughter's face as she looked up at the sweet, curly-headed teen.
"Well, we'll talk about it," Olivia replied. "And maybe if you want to surprise Kaci, you'll talk to me about your plans and then we can run it by Tara and if she is okay with it, then you can make plans with Kaci. We all have to be on the same page that's the bottom line, okay?"
"Okay," Kaci and Noah both nodded.
"Does that sound okay? I don't actually think it's too strict. I wasn't allowed to date til I was 17, so…" Tara told them. "But I was very unhappy about that, so I want to give you some freedom, Kaci and like Liv and Trevor, I trust you both but if I find that there's a reason I shouldn't we'll have to have a talk."
"You can trust me Mom, Noah too."
She smiled at the teens.
"Can I just say that… even though Noah is officially my boyfriend, we're still just … close friends, right?," she asked glancing at Noah.
"Oh, you guys are a little more than that," Olivia argued, "you guys were making out outside of the restaurant last night and you thought we couldn't see you in the living room earlier and it's fine, we don't want either of you to feel ashamed about that, but… we're going to always worry, that's our job as parents."
Both teens were red in the face. Noah tried hard not to laugh and Tara couldn't help but to chuckle. She reached over and touched her daughter's smooth cheek. "Its okay, sweetheart, you're allowed to kiss your boyfriend. We've all been there, even me."
"Gosh I'm so embarrassed," she covered her face.
They laughed and thankfully so did Kaci.
"Okay, good chat guys," Trevor told them. "You can come back to us with any questions you want and please, please be appropriate at school. As a teacher I have to make sure you're not making out in the halls and as a Dad, I don't really care to see it in my face all day long."
The kids giggled and Trevor smirked at both of them.
"Okay on that note, let me get everyone some dessert…" he suggested pushing back his chair.
"Thanks guys, this has been such a lovely day, thanks for letting Kaci and I hang out. We won't stay too much longer."
"Oh," Liv smiled, "its totally fine, we're enjoying your company, I really am truly loving having some friends independent of work. It's just a shame that Hannah had to leave." Olivia picked up the wine bottle and refilled Tara's drink.
"Oh, Liv, I better not keep drinking… I still have to get us home in one piece," she chuckled.
"No stress, we'll walk you guys home later and make sure everyone is safe, right Trev?"
"Of course," he smiled from the kitchen.
After dessert the kids went to the living room and played Scrabble with Trevor and his parents at the coffee table leaving Olivia and Tara to chat.
/
"I'm not gonna lie, Liv, I'm pretty wasted," she told her.
"Just relax, its fine, sometimes its nice to get to that point, I know I certainly miss it. We'll make sure you get in okay, I promise," she said again. "I actually am glad we're talking more privately, I wanted to see how you're going and touch base about the case."
Fin had let Olivia know that the evidence hearing was coming up and then a trial date would be set as long as Clive didn't agree to a plea deal which so far, he had not. He was adamant about going to trial.
Olivia believed his persistence was to have Tara face him and hope that she would fold beneath the pressure. Or, he was a pure idiot.
"Oh, don't remind me," Tara murmured. "I'm scared that asshole is going to drag Kaci on to the stand and I desperately don't want that for her."
"I know but honey, Kaci is so much stronger than you think and for that matter, so are you."
"Oh," Tara shook her head quickly, "Liv, I don't think I am, I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't take a deal… if he gets off, I just… I don't know? I'll be living in fear, looking over my shoulder forever."
"That's not going to happen, I'm not going to let that happen to you, Tara. I promise."
"Thanks Liv, I don't like this clingy, anxious-ridden person that I've become."
"Honey," she reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Clive made you live a life that was never not anxious or without feeling unsafe and restricted— like a prisoner and you were always on edge, weren't you?"
She nodded slow. "Yeah… Liv, I can't talk about this, I'm going to cry."
"Its okay," Liv replied softly. "Its okay if you cry."
Tara sniffed. "I'm okay, I just have to be strong for Kaci. She needs to see me strong."
"I understand, but I'm here… if you need to talk, if you need a hug, I'm here for you, anytime day or night, Tara…"
"Thanks," Tara replied but Olivia could tell she had already shut down.
/
"Mama, for me?" Lexi asked, pointing at the mini kitchen that Georgie and Patrick. She looked to Olivia and then to Trevor a little unsure.
"Yes honey!" Trevor exclaimed, "that's all for you!" The mini wood-crafted kitchen was wrapped up and surrounded by other gifts— some that Olivia wasn't even sure what was inside. She had allowed Noah to go ahead and buy her some gifts with Amanda a little independently. "This big gift is from Grandma and Grandpa!"
Lexi grinned happily and stared at her grandparents and clapped her hands. "Would you like Grandpa to help you unwrap it?"
Lexi nodded as she made her way over to it. She looked down at the other gifts, "for me?," she asked again.
"Yes baby, all of these gifts, they're all for you, all of these wonderful things are Lexi's things." Olivia added.
Patrick took Lexi's hand, setting his coffee cup down and showed Lexi a little rip in the paper. "Okay baby, rip alllll of the paper off! As fast as you can, quick quick!"
Lexi shrieked with excitement as Noah appeared in the living room holding a coffee that he'd made for both his Mom and Trevor.
"Thanks sweetheart," Olivia smiled at him.
They watched Lexi run around excitedly jumping up and down in a flurry of excitement and the sounds of tearing paper. "Oh my goodness, Smoosh, what have you got!?" Noah asked, getting down on his knees on the carpet. "What did Grandma and Grandpa give you!"
Patrick helped her, pulling away the paper to reveal the little oventop and kitchen counter with cupboards and drawers for all of her things. There was also a tiny fridge too. Lexi gasped, lifting her hands to push her messy blond curls from her face.
"Wow!" Olivia murmured, "baby, you have your own kitchen like Mommy and Daddy! You are so lucky!"
"My kitchen!," she attempted to repeat, having trouble wrapping her mouth around the words.
"And guess what, babe? Grandpa made it for you so it's extra special!" Lexi looked around at everyone and ducked her head with embarrassment at all the sets of eyes staring at her. "Say thank you Grandma and Grandpa," Olivia coached her while Trevor took some photos.
She looked up at her grandparents and smiled, freezing up when it came to her words. "I can see that you really like it," Georgie smiled, bending over as Lexi made her way over. She picked her up and cuddled her and passed her to Patrick for a hug and a kiss. "Happy birthday, sweetheart," they both told her. "Now, I think your big brother has some gifts for you as well…"
/
"I'm so tired," Olivia complained to Fin with a groan. He smiled at his long-time colleague. She gathered all of her hair that fell down her shoulders and tied it up in a topknot with a yawn.
"Why don't you go home, Cap?"
"Nah, I have to finish these reports," she yawned again. "I can't just leave it for you tomorrow, do you really wanna deal with that?"
Fin laughed and cocked his head. "No, but if you're tired, you should probably listen to your body. I'll deal with it, I'm a big boy."
She was about to answer when her phone rang. She was surprised to see it was Kaci. She felt instantly alert. "Hi honey, are you alright?"
She heard the teen's shaky breath, "It's Mom, she's locked in the bathroom and she's crying so hard, I don't know what to do… she's hysterical, Liv… what do I do?"
"Okay okay, just breathe, I'll come now. Did something happen? Nobody turned up to your apartment, did they?"
"No, no… I went to bed and she woke me up," Olivia could hear the panic in Kaci's tone; she could tell that she was crying.
"Okay baby, I'll be there in about ten minutes, I want you to go and take some deep breaths, tell Mom that you love her and it's gonna be okay. You'll need to let me in when I get there, okay?"
"Okay," Kaci sniffed.
"Okay babe, be brave for me, sit tight."
She hung up the phone and turned to Fin. "Looks like reports are on you, Fin, thanks for being a good sport," she told him, standing up slow, pushing her entire weight out of her chair, feeling like she had a beach ball inside her shirt.
"Whats going on?"
"Tara Tramwell… that was her daughter, I think she's having a PTSD moment."
"Okay," Fin gave her a nod, "let me know if you need anything. You good to get there or do you want me to drive you?," he asked.
"Nah, I can get there…" Olivia responded.
/
Kaci let Liv in. "Okay honey, do me a favour, I would like you to go and get in to bed and I'll go talk to Mom and I need you to just concentrate on your breathing— put on your earphones if you need to. I'm going to take care of things, okay?"
Kaci nodded. Shakily. Olivia felt sad for her; she was in a state. She knew Tara had been suffering in silence, but Kaci probably was too; what happened happened to both of them, not just Tara. She knew she needed to help Tara so that she could help her daughter who had a history of putting a sweet face on all of her pain so that nobody would see her suffer.
Olivia could hear Tara just as Kaci had described. She figured she was panicking or in a state of PTSD; either way she was in no way to be alone nor scaring her daughter.
Olivia knocked on the door and a strangled voice called out to leave her alone. "Tara, it's Olivia Benson, I'm going to take this door off if you aren't able to unlock it. I need you to unlock the door."
There was more hysterical sobs and Liv realised Tara was in no condition to do anything. She went to the kitchen and looked around in every drawer and cupboard until she found a small screwdriver. She texted Trevor to let him know that she was at Tara's and was trying to McGuyver a door down.
He offered to come and help but Olivia knew that would be too intrusive for her. She started to unscrew the lock slowly but successfully. Eventually, she was able to pull the lock threader through and safely unlock the door.
She was a little taken-aback to find Tara on the floor with a few bottles of pills surrounding her, crying and starting to throw up. "Oh, Tara…" Liv murmured, quickly taking away the bottles and grabbing a damp cloth from the shower and wetting it down. "Tara, it's me, Olivia, I'm right here behind you, I need you to take a few very deep breaths…" She knelt down beside the mother with great difficulty in her condition. Tara; her new friend. "C'mon, you can do it, I'm right here… I think you're having a PTSD moment," she told her. "Whatever it is, it's not real, I'm real, Kaci is real and you need to take some very deep breaths,"
Olivia placed the cloth on the back of Tara's neck; it smarted her and brought her back to the room. "I'm here… it's okay," Olivia hushed her as Tara began releasing the contents of her stomach upon the realisation of what was happening outside of her head. She sobbed and begged Olivia to leave her.
"I'm not leaving you," Olivia replied firmly, "you're my friend now, you can't get rid of me," she murmured, smoothing her hair. "That's it, get it all out of your system, Tara, you're going to be okay."
Olivia took her phone out and dialled Hannah and eventually she picked up. "Hey, hey, what's up? Trevor keeping you up?"
"Hey actually I need some quick professional advice," Olivia replied. Hannah dropped her jovial smart-mouth and turned serious.
"Sure, of course? What's wrong?"
She glanced at Tara, "honey," she covered the phone, "I don't know what pills you've taken so I'm going to talk to Hannah about it okay?"
"No, no…" she sobbed.
"Please," Liv told her firmly, "no one is here to judge you, we are your friends and we want to help you."
Tara remained over the bowl, afraid she might need to vomit more. She cried silently. "I'm with Tara, I think she's dealing with PTSD and some pills were taken and I don't know how to help with that part of things."
"I'll be right over to check her out, I'm just leaving work and I'll tell Kyle I'll be late," Hannah told Liv, "the poor thing…"
"I feel so stupid," Tara mumbled, falling back on to the cold tiles.
"Please don't feel stupid, sweetheart. I've been in this place before, I know how it feels and its your body's way of processing when you're trying to push it all down." Olivia sat beside her and put an arm around her. She immediately felt Tara shrugging her away. She remembered that she also hated to be touched back when she was still suffering PTSD flash backs.
She remembered Elliot trying to hold her; it was more about the comforter's ability to feel like they were doing something helpful rather than what was necessary for the sufferer; sometimes just the need to sit and breathe and know that she wasn't alone. She remembered how good Nick had been, Fin too — Fin had served in Iraq and understood all of the PTSD flash back signs and had known exactly how to slow talk her out of it. Nick may not have known what to do, but he did his best and usually that was sitting beside her, offering her a hand to hold and talking only when she was ready.
She was very grateful for them during that rough patch in her life.
"Sorry, I won't touch you— but I'm here if you need to hold my hand, otherwise, I'm just going to sit with you."
She could see Tara was drowsy and it was probably due to the Ambien's she had swallowed. "Thanks Olivia, is Kaci okay?"
"Yes, Kaci is fine. I'm going to go check on her in a minute but I need to know how many pills you've had."
"A couple," she murmured, losing her composure again. "Why am I so stupid? I can't even look after myself."
"Tara," Olivia began firmly, "you had a massive traumatic event, your whole life has been a man telling you what you can and can't do, who you can and cant speak to, where you can go, limiting money — it's a lot and you have to learn to do things again for you… but you were almost killed by this man and that is something I can relate to very closely, so please don't be hard on yourself, you are doing your best."
"Its not enough for Kaci—"
"Trust me, Kaci will be okay, we will work out how to support Kaci together, sweetheart, Hannah and I are going to be here for you every step of the way. This is what having friends is always going to be. We're here for you no matter what, total loyalty. And when you don't believe in yourself, Tara, we will believe in you. Together, we will never let another soul hurt a single hair on your or Kaci's head, that's a promise."
"Thanks Olivia…" she murmured tearfully.
Olivia heard her phone beep and checked it. "Hannah is here, I am just going to go and let her in and she might need to examine you to see about the pills you took, k?"
Tara nodded.
Olivia got up and headed out to the front door and opened it. She smiled at Hannah and gave her a hug. She was wearing a set of blue scrubs with a grey hoodie over the top. "Is she alright? Do we need paramedics?"
"Mmm, I dont think so. She's a bit drowsy, but I don't think she's done herself any harm, but I wouldn't like her to go to sleep." She paused and lowered her voice, "she's very upset, Hannah, she's just come out of a PTSD episode, do you want to go see her in the bathroom? I'll go check and assure Kaci, the poor thing is so rattled."
"Okay, no problem. Thanks for calling me."
"Of course…"
/
"Is Mom okay?" Kaci asked, pulling off her headphones when she saw Olivia open her bedroom door.
"Mom's fine, sweetie," Olivia told her gently, taking a seat next to her - looking around her gorgeous room that had been carefully decorated in pink and white in a way that she knew Kaci's grandparents had a hand in. "How are you?"
"I'm okay," she murmured, her voice so soft that Olivia strained to hear her. "I'm just worried about Mom."
"Can we make a deal?"
Kaci said nothing, sitting up slow in her cute little Hello Kitty pyjamas.
"Let's make a deal that you let me and you let Hannah worry about your Mama and you just have to be concerned with how you are."
Kaci thought for a second before looking up at Olivia with her eyes full of tears. "I'm worried that I'll lose her, Liv, I'm so scared when she gets like this…"
"Oh honey," Liv scooted close and wrapped her arms around her. "Has this happened before? Mom locking herself away?"
"Yeah… since Da- since she got home from the hospital. I know she can't sleep and I know the doctor gave her pills but sometimes she takes more than she's supposed to because even with the pills she has terrible nightmares."
"Its okay baby," Liv soothed her, stroking her hair. "I know its super scary right now, but I promise Mom is just healing and now that Hannah and I know, we can work on helping her, k? I promise she's going to be okay. We won't let a thing happen to her."
"I'm scared all of the time, Olivia," Kaci admitted, her voice cracking.
"I know, you both went through a really scary thing, it's normal to feel frightened of the future and frightened of even… Clive. Is that what you're scared of? Of your Dad?"
She nodded, "I have to be strong for Mom, I know she's scared too."
"You don't have to be strong for anyone my love, Mom will learn how to be strong for you. You are so brave, wearing all this for someone your age, but you don't need to be brave anymore, you're allowed to be upset and angry and you're allowed to show that. And also, Kace, it's okay to cry if you need to cry."
"I just don't want to feel this way anymore," she murmured. Olivia cuddled her close, holding her firm. "I'm scared Mom might hurt herself if she keeps taking pills."
"Hannah is with your Mom now checking her out and making sure she's okay and maybe we can all talk to Mom about the pills thing - she is just struggling the same way you are and you're both trying to protect one another."
"I know," Kaci agreed, sniffing. She wrapped her arms around boyfriend's Mom, feeling relieved for the burden to have been lifted if only for the night.
"Kaci, you can call me or Hannah at any time if you need us— Trevor too. We'll be able to help you help your Mom."
"Thanks."
"Sweetie why don't you lay back down and if you can, go to sleep."
"It's so late, I don't want to go to school tomorrow," she murmured.
"Well, don't worry about school. Mom is coming in to my work to try a new job. I'll be at work there for the second half of the day, so why don't you come and hang out with me and Lexi in the morning with Noah's Grandma and in the afternoon you can either stay with Grandma or come to the precinct with me and have lunch with Mom and we can tell Noah to come meet you after school."
"Will Mom be mad at that?"
"No, babe, I think Mom will be okay," she replied, kissing the teen upon the head. As Kaci pulled away and slipped back under the big cloud of pink covers, Olivia wiped away the tears on her cheeks and gave her a little smile. "Do you think you want me to call Grandma and Grandpa to come stay for a few days?"
"I don't want to upset Mom, maybe you could ask her."
"Okay, sweetie. You know how much your Mom loves you right? She loves you so infinitely and she would hate to know that she's upset you so much."
"I know."
"Good," Liv smiled. "If Mom is up to it I'll get her to come and give you a hug and a kiss."
"Thanks Olivia. I know you're Noah's Mom, but besides my own Mom, I really think you're the nicest person we know, Trevor too. I love you."
Olivia smiled broadly at the sweet teen. "Oh, that's so kind of you, babe. We love you too. We're always here for you, both of us, whenever you need."
Kaci murmured a shy thank you as Liv turned out the lamp.
/
Hannah had Tara up and out of the bathroom and in to a change of clothes and she was sitting at the dining table with a coffee. "Not exactly medically proven, but the coffee is strong and it might even out some of the Ambien," Hannah explained to Liv. "I think if we took her to the hospital they'd just keep her awake for as long as possible but, thankfully, that bottle was new so I was able to count that she's only taken her double dose, because one was taken last night."
"Okay good, so she should be able to go to bed and wake up just as normal, yeah?"
"Yeah, I might actually go home and get a change of clothes and sleep on the couch."
"I can do that—" Liv replied.
"No you can't, you are pregnant and you need to take care of yourself," Hannah replied without any hesitation. "Also, you have a young family, Kyle is old enough and responsible enough to take care of Alice and make sure Adam gets to school."
"What are you guys talking about?" Tara called, hearing the light din of her friends organising something.
Hannah passed a cup of herbal tea to Olivia and made her way back to the dining table so that they could sit with Tara for a moment. "I'm going to stay the night with you and keep my eye on you," Hannah told her.
"Oh no, its okay—"
"No, really," Hannah told her meaningfully, "you're our friend and we need to know you're okay or else neither of us are going to be able to sleep."
"I always wonder why you guys even like me, I'm such a pain in the ass."
"No, you're not," Olivia replied. "You're a young Mom who had someone presiding over your life for as long as you can remember who did a traumatic thing to you on his way out. You are going to get through this, Tara, but it's going to take time and therapy and friendships and learning the skills that never allowed you to gain."
She nodded stoically. "I'm sorry that you had to find me like this…both of you," she apologised.
"Honey you never have to apologise," Hannah pitched in. "I think though, I'm going to take the Ambien and I'm going to come and distribute it to you, Kaci was really frightened."
"I deserve that…" Tara murmured.
"No, you don't deserve any of this, honey," Hannah replied, "but I know how hard it can be when you're struggling, how easy it is to what to dull your pain, so popping an extra pill or two can be really tempting, but Liv and I just want to make sure you're safe."
"Babe, what do you think about maybe asking your parents to come and stay for a few more weeks?"
"I feel like such a burden already on them…"
"I doubt that they'll feel that way, they just want you and Kaci to be okay. I hope you don't mind but I told Kaci she can stay home tomorrow."
"No," Tara rose her eyes up at Olivia, "I'm supposed to come to the 16th for the work trial in the morning," she said quickly, "unless you changed your mind—"
"No, of course I didn't change my mind— I told Kaci that she could come and hang out with me because I'm not in until midday-ish and that we could all have lunch together and then she can hang out and get any work done for Tuesday in either my office or someone else's office until Trevor and Noah are on their way home…"
"Is it okay if she takes the day? Will school be mad at her?"
"No, no of course not. They know Kaci is dealing with everything and that some days might be harder than others."
"Thanks, Olivia… I promise I won't let you down again." She wiped fresh tears.
"You'll never let me down. I just want you to be able to go in to the job and figure out if its something you would be happy doing and absolutely no hard feelings if it's too overwhelming or not something you wanna do."
"Okay," she nodded wiping her eyes. "I want to though, I want to have a job and be normal like you guys…"
"Sweetheart, you are normal, I promise. The good news is, as soon as you're officially employed, you can take advantage of all of our workplace perks like free therapy, and you won't have to pay which means you can book in as many times as you need and for Kaci too."
"Really?," Tara asked, "are you serious about that?"
"Yes, absolutely and if the workplace therapist deems that you need extra help, you get referred for specialised therapy at work's cost. This could be really good, Tara, I am the first person to tell everyone how good therapy is when you put your all in to it to heal."
"Thanks Liv, thanks Hannah…"
"You're welcome, sweetheart. I'm gonna duck home and get some clothes and come back and sleep on the couch-"
"No, no, I have a guest bed… you can use some of my clothes if you truly think you need to stay."
Olivia got up as the other two discussed their sleeping arrangements. Her back was on fire and had been for the past week or so. She winced in pain and stretched as she stood up.
"What's up, Liv?" Hannah asked, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," she flashed her a smile, "just my back, baby is really heavy and I've been getting sciatica…"
"Ah, Trev will need to help you with stretches for it," Hannah told her. "Ask him for a massage, I'm sure that tall drink of water will be happy to oblige."
"Maybe," Olivia replied. "Okay, I am gonna go and leave you lovely ladies to it. Can you both text me in the morning?"
Both women agreed and Olivia gave them both a hug. "If you need me to come and get Kaci in the morning, just let me know," she told Tara, "otherwise, I'll see you if you drop her off and then we'll come meet you for lunch."
"Thanks Olivia. You're the best. You both are."
Olivia gave her a squeeze and then turned her attention to Hannah. "Goodnight miss Hannah."
"Get some sleep, Captain," she replied, smiling at Olivia, both women seeing her out of the apartment.
/
Trevor was sitting at the breakfast bar in his boxers and a tank top as Olivia walked in. He was sipping on some tea and reading something on the iPad. He looked up with a smile as Olivia shuffled in, holding her back, grimacing. She didn't expect him to be there.
"Hi baby," he greeted her, "what's wrong?"
"I'm in pain," she gasped, making a face. "It really hurts."
"Wait, why are you in pain? What's going on?" He slipped off the stool and came to her side, resting an arm around her.
"Sciatica," she muttered. He ushered her to their bedroom and helped her undress quickly so that she could get in to the shower.
"Wait, I have one of those little plastic chairs from Lexi's party, do you want me to put it in the shower so you can sit?"
She was about to turn down his offer but she shifted awkwardly before finally nodding. "Yeah… yeah thank you."
"Ok baby, take a seat," he directed her to the edge of the bathtub. "Sit tight, I'll be two minutes."
He grabbed the small plastic stool that they'd used as extra seats. It was had no back on it and was nothing fancy, they were from school, used in the art class rooms. He returned to Olivia looking a little more relaxed now that she was sitting, the impacting pain seemed only to hurt her when she stood for too long or had to walk too far. "Don't tell your job that your girlfriend's bare ass sat on these stools…" she managed to joke.
Trevor laughed as he turned the shower on and rinsed it down first. "Okay, there you go, do you need some help?"
"No thanks, I should be okay, thank you… it's really fucking me up at the moment."
"I'll take care of you," he assured her gently, smoothing her hair. He leaned over and kissed her lips.
She got up and began to peel off her clothes as if it was a painful task. "Can you stay and talk to me?," she asked in a way that made him wonder if she expected him to say no.
"Want me to hop in with you and give your shoulders a rub?," he offered. He knew there wasn't any funny business about to be had, she was tired and maybe, if his senses were on point, a little emotional.
"Yeah?," it was the first time she saw him smile. "Really?"
He stared at her quizzically and chuckled, "Yeah? Of course. I don't want you to be in pain and you've had a really long day."
"Thanks baby," she murmured as she finished disrobing. She pulled her hair out of the pony tail it had been in since she left the precinct. She got in to the shower recess and took a set on the stool that he had covered in a wash cloth. It felt good to sit with the water beating down over her. Trevor reached for the detachable spray and handed it to her so she could control the water.
She sighed with relief as the tension started to ease from her body. Trevor undressed and folded his clothes, placing them neatly on the dry edge of the bathroom basin.
He slid in behind her and reached up to the bathroom caddy to get some body wash. He took the spray from Olivia and rinsed himself down before handing it back. He smoothed the liquid all over her back, neck and shoulders and rubbed it in to her olive. She leaned her head back and sighed with relief. "I love you so much…" she murmured, "I really needed this— you." He felt useful which was sometimes hard to feel during her pregnancy. He kissed her wet forehead.
"I love you so much too."
He massaged her shoulders in silence and smoothed the body wash down each of her arms until he could tell from the way her body seemed to soften, that she wasn't tense anymore. "How do you feel?," he asked softly, pushing her wet hair off of her face.
"Ready for bed, I think…"
"Okay, I'll hop out and I'll get bed ready."
"Thanks baby."
/
"What's that smell?" Olivia asked, coming in to their bedroom. "Is that Lavender?"
"Yeah…" he nodded, "Mom made a spray for you… I just sprayed the pillow lightly— wait you don't hate lavender do you?"
"Noooo, it smells amazing, thanks…" she smiled at him, towelling off her wet hair. "Thanks Trev, for taking care of me, sometimes it's a little jarring to have someone waiting here for me without complaint, it.. it really means a lot to me," she told him, taking a seat on the mattress. She was about to lean over to get some underwear from her drawer but he already beat her to it and handed her a pair of black briefs.
"Sweetheart, you had a long day and I know it ended with you being worried about your friend and Kaci and I just want to support you supporting them."
"I know, but that's what's the best about you, you never have to be prompted and I never have to sit around wishing you'd take the hint and I don't have any pent up frustrations which helps me just … exist, does that make sense?," she asked as she pulled on a loose tank and slid under the covers.
"Yes but I really hate that past history has dictated that you really feel like it's something that I'm doing that's so extra, because… when you love someone, shouldn't you want to support them and get behind them and cheer them on and then be there for the in between too?"
"Yes, you should but a lot of couples… they constantly put themselves first and value themselves and their own individual needs before considering anyone else. I feel like you always put me first and I'm not saying I ever want you to put your feelings on the back burner in space of mine, but I just always feel like a priority."
"Yeah," he agreed, "but in equal parts, sweetie. It's like… when I got the interview for the elementary school and I was a little scared to tell you because of past situations, I want this job for me and when I told you about it, you were behind me one hundred percent even if it meant I would be taking a slight pay-cut."
"I guess that your goals are your goals, baby, they're not mine but I want you to reach your goals or do things that fullfil your wants and needs. If you're winning, I'm winning and then the kids are winning."
He leaned over and kissed her lingeringly and softly upon the sensitive tissue of her lips. "This is why we work," he murmured, kissing her again. "We want each other to succeed and we want to see one another happy because my personal happiness and your personal happiness is something we both bask in."
"Well…" she kissed him back, reaching up to rest her warm hand upon his greying bearded cheek, "I love this for us and despite a weird night and a bit of a stressful day, I'm really happy and I just love coming home to you — or you coming home to us."
He let his eyes search hers as he felt her thumb stroking his cheek. He turned his body to her and rested his own hand at the base of her neck— still damp from her wet hair. "Me too. You know, you're the love of my life, Olivia and soon I'm going to propose to you and I hope with all my heart you'll say yes and we can be officially forever."
A small smile upon her lips spread in to a grin. "Of course I'd say yes… but please don't do anything public, I don't think I'd be able to stand it."
He laughed. "I think private proposals are more my thing anyway," he gave a little sigh of happiness. "I want you to know that… I never really thought there would be a life for me after Lana and maybe it's maturity or time or healing, but this, what we have together as been a little whirlwind, but I've never felt like this about anyone and I know I've told you that, and sometimes its the source of my guilt, but… I'm just so prepared for this next part of my life as a Dad and and a husband…"
He watched Olivia's eyes glisten with tears as she grinned so hard that it began to hurt. "I feel the same. I never thought I'd love again, not like the love I had for Elliot, but … this isn't conditional; this is real and it's not just a bunch of hyped up, romanticised ideas of what it could be. What we have is what it is."
Trevor kissed her another time, his tongue tasting hers - a hint of spearmint from the toothpaste she'd brushed her teeth with. "You should lay down," he murmured, "rest your back."
She listened to him. He held his hand out for her towel and took it from her. He went to hang it up as she brushed her hair out and braided it back. He got comfortable beside her.
"Do you want to tell me about what happened at Tara's?," he wondered.
"Mmm, can we talk about it tomorrow? She's okay, she and Kaci are both okay. Hannah is staying the night with them and I think we'll see if her parents can come and stay…"
"Okay," Trevor gave her the space she needed to digest her evening and she appreciated that about him.
"Kaci isn't going to be in school tomorrow. She's actually going to come and hang out with me until I go to work and I'll take her in with me and she can study from the precinct. I am going to be a bit sneaky and see if I can get the shrink to come and have an open conversation with her."
Trevor half-smiled. "She has so much behind that sweet little mask of hers, doesn't she?"
"Yeah…she genuinely pushes everything down, I've never seen a child do that so successfully, zero cracks showing but I believe that there's a lot of pressure and that it's going to take a lot of years for her to start letting some of it go."
"Poor baby," Trevor murmured, "that actually just hurts to think about… that the whole time I've known that girl, she's been hiding an actual horrific living situation."
Olivia sighed. "I don't want to think about it right now… I really am just so exhausted."
"Okay, sleep baby. I love you so much. I'll wake you when I'm getting ready to leave."
"Thanks, love you too." He kissed her and let her roll over to her side. He snuggled in close with an arm around her resting on her belly. Sometimes when Olivia went to sleep he laid with his hand protectively over their baby and enjoyed feeling the movements and some little kicks that at times work her up or made her jump awake.
He couldn't wait to meet his son. He really just needed to find the perfect ring.
"Oh sorry, while I think of it — Nick invited me tomorrow night for a drink, is that okay? Mom and Dad aren't going til thursday so they'll be here."
"Just you and Nick?," she asked over her shoulder.
"Just Nick and I," he confirmed.
She laughed, "he's gonna give you the wannabe Dad talk. Sure, that's fine. I hope you guys get along and have a great time."
"Thanks…" he replied, "and its okay if he wants to know my intentions with his daught- I mean, friend," he joked, "I've got nothing to hide and I love that he's protective of you. We have a lot in common."
She chuckled again. "Goodnight…"
/
"Okay guys, I've been putting up with this behaviour for two weeks and I've had an absolute gut-full of it," Trevor spoke to the 8th grade class. "I need you all to shut up because I really don't like to raise my voice but you're getting on my last nerve," he told the class.
The class stared at him, shocked by how angry the usual-fun teacher was.
Once he realised he had a captivated audience, he began. "Listen guys, I get it, you've just had lunch, you've just all been socialising and gossiping and goodness knows what exciting things happened and you still have some left-over energy and you all seem like you've got a lot to say," he sat back on his own desk. "And it's getting in the way of my teaching, so let's do this…" he sighed, "for fifteen minutes, we're going to have an open-class discussion. You can talk about anything you want, openly with the entire class."
He waited for his words to sink in, "I don't care what it's about, this is a safe space but I wont' tolerate rumours about other students or nasty gossip — so let's go." He clapped his hands. "Allison, you had a lot to say when you walked in, let's talk about it — I heard you telling Corey that there's a party on Friday night at one of the 10th graders houses. Who of you are going?"
They all giggled shyly, smirking at one another.
"Oh," Trevor smiled, "suddenly you're all very silent… but seriously, who's going? Maybe I should go, what do you think?"
"Yeah, Mr Langan you should go… I'd love to see how you danced at parties in the olden days," Allison teased with a little laugh. The class laughed with her.
"The olden days?!," he choked. "Are you kidding me? How old do you people think I am!?"
The class laughed. "Ok okay, suddenly you're all shy. So instead of that, we're gonna play a game that involves candy… so if you're all done talking, you can listen to the rules and we'll get going and as long as you try your best, everyone will get an after lunch snacky as my two year old loves to call it.
He knew he had his class now in the palm of his hand and he felt relieved.
/
"What happens when Lexi finishes her breakfast?" Kaci asked Liv.
"Usually I just clean up her tray and then I wash her face and hands and help her brush her teeth and we do her hair and find some clothes to put on. How about I clean up her breakfast mess and do her teeth and hair and you can help her with some clothes?"
"Sure," Kaci smiled.
Olivia smiled, glad for the extra help around feeding Lexi so that she was able to clean up after everyone else had eaten. Olivia pressed on on the dishwasher and turned to Kaci, "honey, you don't have to follow around Lexi, you can chill out and watch TV and rest if you like, you had a really late night."
"I know, but its okay, I like helping out with Lexi, she's adorable and so sweet and happy."
Liv wiped down the high chair tray and wiped Lexi's face and hands. "You can unstrap her and take her out if you like," Olivia told Noah's little girlfriend who hadn't really said too much since she'd arrived.
"What about after Lexi's dressed and had a little bit of a play, we turn a movie on or something?" Olivia suggested, "I didn't have a great sleep either."
"Sure," Kaci agreed, happy to be in a less tumultuous household.
Kaci followed Olivia around the house and helped pick a little dress and some white tights for Lexi while Liv tied her cute little curls up in short fluffy pig tails. "You are so adorable," Kaci murmured once she had been set down on the floor. Olivia smiled at Kaci, "did you see what's on the front of her dress?"
Kaci looked again and started to laugh — it was Hello Kitty. "Noah and his Uncle Sonny bought it for her birthday."
"I love it, I think it's rubbing off on him," she giggled. "Look Lexi, you're wearing the same as me…" she pointed to the big Kitty motif on her shirt and pointed to Lexi's. Lexi sunk her neck in to her chest trying to see til Kaci showed her in the mirror.
Lexi shrieked happily. "Like me!" She told Kaci.
"We'll have to get a pic of you both later," Liv told her. "Come on, let's go and have a little play and then a rest," she suggested. Her sciatic nerve was still hurting. She couldn't wait to sit. She felt instant relief as soon as she sat down. She almost let out a gasp, but she stifled it and watched Kaci play with Lexi on the carpet.
They agreed on some silly reality TV show. Olivia loved to watch empty-minded things, the more ridiculous the better, she thought. Kaci had informed her that she'd began watching old seasons of Amazing Race, so Olivia turned it on and let the TV rot her brain while she felt grateful for someone else keeping Lexi entertained before Georgie and Patrick arrived.
Around 11am Lexi started to get a little cranky and wanted cuddles from Olivia. She usually had a little half an hour nap before lunch. Sometimes it made her miss out on her afternoon nap, but Liv didn't mind, if that was the case, it just meant she was ready for bed earlier — she had figured out what Lexi's fatigue cues were.
She could tell Lexi was asleep the way she cuddled close to Olivia, an arm around her and a terrible habit of sucking on her thumb while she slept. Olivia almost bought her a pacifier to combat it but Trevor talked her out of replacing one bad habit with another.
"Liv, was Mom okay last night?," Kaci asked her gently.
"Mom was fine, she just got a little bit emotional… actually, I have a question for you."
"Okay," Kaci answered quietly, not wanting to wake Lexi.
"What happened with your Dad was pretty scary, you told me a little bit about how it all happened while you were in the hospital … and I know that leading up to that, there would have been a lot of very scary times with your Dad getting violent — even his bad moods and that tension that you feel in your own home…"
Kaci didn't say a word, she stared stoically at the television but Olivia knew she wasnt watching it. "Do you ever have nightmares — or things that happen in the day while you're awake, that make you feel like you're inside that nightmare? Like, something that feels like you're right there in that moment and you can't get out of the headspace?" She asked the question very softly and gently, knowing that it would immediately make the teen emotional.
Kaci shrugged and Olivia could tell from the way she swallowed and the way her jaw seemed to tense, that she was trying hard to answer without emotion. She cleared her throat.
"Its okay if that does happen, that's totally normal when you go through scary things."
Kaci cleared her throat again. "No, it doesn't happen," she replied decisively, blinking back the glassiness from her eyes before she turned back to Liv. "I'm fine, I'm just worried about Mom."
"Kace," Liv began, "you know what I love about being around you?"
"What?," she asked.
"I love that you and I can talk. I've always wanted a daughter before Lexi came along and it's different, the way that girls talk and Moms talk to boys— it's a little softer and more emotional. I know things can be difficult for Mom to talk about, but whatever you want to tell me, I can keep that between us if you're scared of upsetting your Mom."
Kaci said nothing for a moment but gave another shrug. "I don't know what to say about it."
"I think you learned from a very, very young age how to keep a secret locked up very, very tight so that others won't find out because you didn't want to get your Mom in trouble with your Dad. And you're so used to keeping those secrets that you don't even know how to talk about it with anyone."
"I just don't know what I'm supposed to say," she said quietly.
"Well… you could just talk about it. Do you want to have a go at talking about it with me? I could ask you some questions?"
Kaci shrugged again.
Olivia sat up a little straighter. "Do you still talk to the shrink?"
"She was really expensive," Kaci replied, "and Mom didn't want Grandma and Grandpa to know she was struggling so I said the shrink wasn't really doing anything good… and I don't think that was a lie."
"Sometimes shrinks don't gel with us and so we have to go through a couple til we meet one that can actually help," Olivia explained. She paused, "Want to know something? I see a shrink."
"What? But you're normal…" Kaci exclaimed.
Olivia chuckled, "so are you, so is Mom… sometimes we just need to talk about big things — or even things that we don't think are so big, or we've pushed them so far away from our thoughts that they feel tiny, but we can't dismiss even the tiny things as not being important."
Kaci chewed on that thought for a moment. "Can I ask what you talk about with your therapist? You help people, not the other way around."
"Sweetheart, I've had some terrible things happen in my life - maybe not the same as you or your Mom, but some very scary things where I've struggled to talk about them because I'm scared of making people feel bad or … I'm scared of upsetting someone or making them want to leave because maybe it's too big to talk about."
"Oh… do you think Mom's stuff is too big?"
"No. Nothing is ever too big to talk about. You just have to find the right person to talk to."
"Okay."
"So… do you want to try it? I can ask some questions and you can see if you want to answer it with as much info or as little info as you want."
"Are you a shrink? Are you tricking me?"
Olivia smiled, "Nope. I have some training in talking to kids who have been hurt, but I'm not an expert. I'm just curious to see if maybe you might feel a little more comfortable talking to me if you know it's private and sometimes its easier talking to someone you know and you know that I know what happened in terms of the actions your Dad took and the outcome of those actions physically."
"I don't know if I can answer any questions, but we can try, I guess." Kaci shrugged.
Olivia wasn't sure she had ever come across a child more aloof when it came to trauma. She knew it had to have been a very complex defence mechanism, but she found it a little baffling that Kaci barely cracked.
"How do you feel when you think of your Dad?" Liv asked, wondering if she would be honest.
Kaci folded her legs in front of her on the couch and picked up a cushion and spun it in her hands absently before looking up at her. "I hate when people call him my Dad. And I feel nothing about him."
"You don't feel anger toward him? Hate? Sadness?"
She shook her head. "I read in a book that being indifferent to a person is more hurtful toward them than hatred or sadness because it belittles their existence in to nothing. And that's what he is to me, nothing."
"Okay…" Olivia replied slowly. She adjusted Lexi against her.
"Can you tell me the time that you first ever remember him hurting you or your Mom?"
Kaci shook her head and shrugged. "I don't know."
"C'mon, have a think…"
It was almost as if her expression changed, her stony expression seemed to fall away and her shoulders slumped ever-so-slightly. "When we lived in Philly," she replied quietly. "I didn't know that Dad's weren't as bossy or that they didn't usually have sets of rules that they'd get so mad about if they were broken."
"How old do you think you might have been?"
"First grade or second grade. Mom said I could have a playdate and I went on a saturday and Dad told us we couldn't bake cookies and the Mom came inside from gardening and said to ignore the Dad and she helped us bake…" Kaci paused, "and when the Dad came back in he was upset, he told her that he said no and the Mom gave him some sass and I panicked and peed my pants."
"Oh, babe…" Olivia murmured, "Did you think that he was going to hit her or hit you girls?"
She nodded. I was crying and shaking and I covered my ears and sat in the corner of the kitchen and shut my eyes and wouldn't open them or move until my Mom came to get me and then when we got home Dad went crazy and dragged me in to my room and hit me behind my legs with his belt over and over for wetting my pants and then he beat my Mom until she blacked out for letting her convince him to go on a play date."
"I'm so sorry, Kaci."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," she said quickly, "this is why I don't talk about it, it make my insides feel weird and I don't like crying, my Dad hated crying and he said it made me look weak and it embarrassed him."
"Sweetheart, when you saw Noah cry, or when you saw Mom cry - did you think they were weak?"
"No but they're not me. I can control my emotions."
"But you don't have to," Olivia argued.
"But crying doesn't feel good. It feels weak and stupid and embarrassing and I don't want to be weak like my Mom was."
"Sweetheart, your Mom wasn't weak, she was so strong to endure your… Clive for as long as she did to protect you as well as she could. Can I tell you something important?"
Kaci wiped her eyes and nodded.
"Studies show that women who were in your mother's situation are more at risk of losing their life at the hands of their abusive husband's or partners after they leave than those who stay and endure it. Your Mom knew that, she knew what Clive was capable of which is why it was less dangerous to stay — she calculated the risks based on what she knew. Everything she did, every time she endured a fight, a punch or a kick or a push or worse— she did everything she could to protect you and maybe it doesn't feel like it was enough, I understand, but she never stopped trying until she almost lost her life."
"Stop it," Kaci said firmly, becoming emotional, "Olivia, please stop it, I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"Okay, okay," Olivia held up a hand. "I respect your boundaries, but I just want you to know that if ever you feel like you might want to talk about it or if you just want another adult to come and sit next to you and hold your hand or give you a hug and you don't want to tell Mom or make her feel bad, you call me, okay?"
Kaci nodded. "Okay."
"This is a We love Kaci and Tara household now, you guys are our good friends and we want to help wherever we can to make this new life for you both as painless and as full of love as it can be."
Finally, Olivia thought, a smile from her.
Interrupting them, was the buzz at the door. "Do you want me to get that?" Kaci asked, realising that Olivia was a little trapped with Lexi.
"Thanks sweetie, I think it's just Georgie and Patrick, you can let them up."
"I planned on telling them they're at the wrong address," Kaci replied smartly with a little flash of a grin. And just like that, Olivia thought, she had shoved her feelings all the way back under the surface again.
/
"Mama!" Kaci grinned, seeing her Mom sitting behind a desk. She felt filled with pride for her Mom being the first point of contact at the precinct. Olivia grinned too, watching Tara's face light up when she saw her daughter. She stood, "hi beauty!" She greeted her, hugging her daughter tightly. "How was your morning?," she asked, pulling away, smoothing Kaci's precious blond hair.
"Good, hey look at these pics that Liv took of me and Lexi," she had her phone out and scrolled through her gallery, "we have matching Hello Kitty's."
Tara laughed at her daughter's giddiness. "Aw they're so sweet, you'll have to send them to me. Now, honey I'm sorry but I better get back to work."
"Nah," Liv shook her head, and handed Tara a coffee, "come on, let us take you on a hot date to the lunch room and get something to eat and you can tell us how it's been."
Tara glanced up at Olivia, "oh, I'm can I meet you guys back there in about ten minutes? I want to just process this report really fast for Detective Tutuola."
"I said, call me Fin!" He called out from behind his own desk. Olivia glanced up and they both laughed, "Shit, detective, do you ever go home? Are you going for Employee of the Month?"
"Maybe, why? Are you handing that award out?"
"Yeah," she joked, "I'd give it to Sonny," she replied smartly.
"You're cold, Liv…" Fin shook his head and turned back to his computer. "Real fucking cold."
"Hey, watch your mouth, we have small ears here today."
"Its okay," Kaci replied quickly, "I hear worse at school."
"I'll bet," Liv agreed, "but still." She turned to Tara, "Ok, come meet us, we'll go through some menus and see what's good." She walked past Fin, "want some lunch? Come and meet us in the break room, me and my little helper are going to get something worth eating for everyone today."
"Oooooh the big boss has her corporate card out," Fin joked. He turned to Kaci, "oh, you must be Kaci, Noah's girlfriend," he smiled. "Nice to meet you little lady."
"You too," Kaci replied with a smile, sticking her hand out to shake his.
"I don't shake hands," he told her, "lets do a casual fist-bump instead."
Kaci giggled and bumped fists with him. "That's how Noah and I do it," he told her. "And Tara is your Mama, now it all makes sense. Cool, your new friend Liv is gonna buy us lunch, huh? We should order the lobster - the most expensive thing on the menu," he made her laugh.
"Come on, let's go before ehe gives you anymore stupid ideas," Liv guided Kaci away from her senior detective and in to the break room.