Chapter 14 : Party

October 1st.

God. I feel like an idiot writing in this journal everyday. It's like I'm 4 all over again. It has been six months now; to this day, since I was rescued by my family and returned home to our family compound in Denali. It's strange being here some days still. Everyone's still watching me while also trying not to hoover. Mom still visits once a day and Dad if not every day then every other. Thanks to Jacob, Grandpa Carlisle is essentially making me do counseling with him once a week. If I don't go they all get so worried it drives me mad. So I go more for them than myself, but I keep that to myself. Jacob comes along every other week for couples counseling though I genuinely don't think we need it. From the moment I fell into his arms on the battlefield that he fought upon to save me from the hell I had been cast down into, our pause had turned to a resume. The only hurdle I hadn't quite gotten over was love making. I want to but every time I try I just - Well I guess some more consuming couldn't hurt.

I understand Esme is trying to help but I really don't understand the point of this daily journaling. Guess that's all for today, Jr.s awake, duty calls.

Till tomorrow,

-Renesmee

"I'm coming sweetheart! One second!" I shouted towards Jacob Jr's room as I locked up my journal for the day.

Jacob Jr. tended to be a bit of a growch in the early mornings, much like his father in his younger pre-marriage days. As soon as I went to stand up from my bedroom desk I heard my husband come rushing in and I knew the race was on and I was already losing even though I physically had started out closer to Jr. than him. Jacob had entered through the backdoor which was connected to our kitchen and silently raced toward Jr.s bedroom while I was now fumbling to pick up my pens that I had knocked over at the sound of Jacob entering our home.

"Ugh! Not fair!" I shouted as my face began to turn hot from a bit of frustration.

"Uh-oh I think I made Mommy mad." Jacob joked in baby talk as he entered the room with our groggy chunky little toddler.

"You made me knock my pen cup over." I said as I bent down to grab the last one which had fallen under my desk.

"Sowwy." Jacob said as he kissed Jr.s fat cheeks.

"Yea yea… I thought you were running around with Seth and what not?" I asked as placed the last pen in it's holder and went to kiss Jr.s warm cheeks.

"Can I get some of that?" Jacob smiled and I kissed his warm brown lips twice. "Thank you, and I was but Thea has some party stuff that he was asked to help with.

"Right. Birthday party number 3. How could I forget?" I replied with a bit of an eye roll that I made sure Jacob wouldn't see.

"I actually kind of like that Rose is a little extra about Thea's parties." Jacob replied as he followed me into the kitchen where I began to make Jr.'s breakfast.

"Yeah. It's great." I quickly replied hoping to end the conversation.

"You know… If you don't think it's great that's okay too." Jacob replied.

I rolled my eyes again as I faced the open fridge and replied, "Yes. I know."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Jacob replied.

"There's nothing to talk about Honey. All I "wanna do" is make chunk his breakfast and live my life if that's okay with you." Fuck. I immediately regretted my words but they were already out into the world so I did what I do when I get short tempered, took a deep breath and replied, "I'm sorry that was kind of mean. It's not that I have an issue with the parties, I just think it's a bit of an overkill to have them so frequently."

"It's okay, I understand. You do know why Rose has so many though? She's not even a year old and she's -"

"Jacob, you are talking to your half Vampire wife. I understand the concept of accelerated growth very, very well." I cut in. "It was an overkill when they did it with me and it's still an overkill now."

"You loved your extra parties, no?" My mother chimed in as she took Jr. from Jacobs arms.

"Kind of thought I was going to die young Mom so why wouldn't I have?" I snapped back as I began cooking the eggs.

"Well that's kind of the concern-" Jacob began.

"Jacob, she doesn't want to talk about this, just let it go." My father chimed in. "Don't - not in front of the baby."

"You're unbelievable." Jacob replied to my Father through gritted teeth.

"Oh my god! Can you all just get out of my kitchen! Give me my son and go! All of you!" I said as I took Jacob Jr. from my Mom's arms.

"Your eggs are going to burn." My father said as he began to scrap them onto Jacob Jr.s tray. "Alright I'll leave now."

"Thank you."

With that Jacob and my Father left. My wayward Mother of course decided to completely ignore my request and sat like a statue moving only her eye as I shuffled around the kitchen and added berries and oatmeal yogurt bars to Jr.s plate. Jr. liked to watch his grandmother, like really, really liked to watch her; more than television or his father or even myself. He'd lock eyes and smile at her for hours while he ate or they played. It was important for him to have her around so no matter how much her presence annoyed me I never put up an actual fight when it came to asking her to leave. Realistically she had become essentially a nanny of sorts as long as she was around I could do all of my human household and motherly chores with ease. Jr. never fussed or got into any type of danger or trouble when she was around of course so it was a weight lifted off my shoulders when she was here. I should tell her thank you more often but right now… I'm just a little bit angry and annoyed a majority of the time.

"He acts like I don't know anything about her… I'm not a monster." I said to my mother softly as I began to clean up the dirt Jacob tracked inside.

"No, you're not a monster." My mother replied, her words calming me for a moment.

"I just don't feel the need to spend all my free time talking about her. Just because Rose wants to throw a party every other day doesn't mean I'm some kind of villain for not wanting to be a part of it." I replied hoping for some more validation.

"Theodora would never think of you as a villain." My mother replied.

This time her words stuck to a different part of me, curiosity about a daughter that I had given up. Slowly I began to wipe down the counter tops as my mind tried to decide whether to pursue an investigation or not. By the time I was almost done and simply just whipping the counter to avoid eye contact I decided I would ask a few questions and see where it went.

"Right… So… I mean what, what does she think about me then?" I asked as casually as I could.

My Mother was silent and I knew it was intentional. She was demanding my undivided attention, I wouldn't get what I wanted until she got what she wanted. Unfortunately I couldn't scratch this itch alone so I folded. I hung up my dish rag and leaned on the island and smiled nervously, thankfully that was enough. I couldn't handle a big sit down heat to heart moment right now. Girl talk felt better and overall easier. My Mother uncrossed her legs and relaxed as she broke away from her gaze at Jr. who let out a small grunt in retaliation then shoved his mouth full of eggs once more.

"Well, for starters we really didn't know what to tell her at first. Jacob of course insisted on ensuring she knew the full truth of who her mother is. Which then brought about the conversation of why you couldn't be around and so on. Thea -" My mother chuckled to my confusion, to me this was hardly a laughing matter, "She so completely reminds me of Renee. It's half infererating, half endearing. No one can seem to keep anything from her. If she asks, the compulsion to tell her anything is almost frighteningly strong, less so for me but even your father will answer her questions aloud before she even asks them herself audibly. But she's a good girl, a sweet one really. Thankfully she understands that limits and boundaries when it comes to that exist for a reason."

"That's… Really good to hear but it doesn't really answer-" I began,

"I wasn't finished."

"Sorry." I replied slightly embarrassed.

"It's alright. These grandchildren, it's incredibly hard not to dote." She replied with a wide smile that I matched, "Jacobs' insistence and Seth's - attachment issues - and Rosalie's desire to be loved for the Mother that she is to Theodora and not a facade that she ultimately didn't feel comfortable playing along with, lead to a hard conversation about a month ago. Thea knew your name and remembered your face and of course has seen many pictures around her, Rosalie and Emmett's home and she wanted to know more. So your father and I sat down with Rose and Emmett and we told her all of the great things about you that we could think of, or really I should say that she could handle in one night. We told her how you came into this world and - Well - Of course that wasn't enough she quite desperately wanted to meet you."

"What? Carlisle never told me that?" I replied.

"I know, let me finish. Thea wanted to meet you, past tense." My Mother continued.

"Well what changed? What did you guys tell her?" I asked my heart beat thudding a bit angrily.

"Renessemee Carlie Cullen-Black. Not a single one of us would ever speak a poor word on your behalf to anyone much less your own child. Now please stop interrupting me." My mother ordered more than asked but I nodded in agreement though I was already quite annoyed, "Thea wanted to meet you and asked where you were. So we told her. Then she asked why you haven't come to visit her even though you live so close by. We realized none of us really had much of an answer to give her that could make sense coming from us so we didn't answer her. Then she did something none of us, including your Father could have predicted… She went to Seth… And she asked for the full truth of how she came to be. Thea had put together that she was Jacob Jr.'s younger sister but not Jacob Sr. child, it didn't make sense to her that someone with as beautiful as a soul as you have would have a child out of wedlock willingly and Seth - Well, he told her everything about her creation."

"Why- " I began out of breath as sadness flooded my soul, "What? - How? Surely she can't understand, right?" I began to hide my face from Jr. as a few tears fell. "She's not even a year old yet…"

"I know… Thea, she ages much quicker than you did. Her mind is much further ahead than yours was at her age. Rosalie has had discussions and educational lessons on sexual assault with Thea from the moment she realized Thea could potentially began to understand. When Thea dragged Seth back to her house to see if what he said was the truth she were furious but not at you of course but at a ghost. She even asked Emmett and Rosalie "Did you kill him? The Monster who did this to my birth Mother?" And of course Emmett told her the truth that Jacob had indeed killed the Monster."

"And?" I sniffled.

"She simply said "Good." And never asked about you again. I offered to set up a meeting or talk to you about one but she insisted that I don't interfere until you are ready even if that time never came along. Thea even made your Father promise to not talk about any inner thoughts she had about you from then on with anyone, not even me." My Mother concluded, with a bit of grit in the final sentence.

"That's - A lot" I replied with a lump in my throat.

"I know, I'm sorry if it was too much." My Mother said as she rounded the island to embrace me

Her touch brought a much needed coolness to my warmth.

I was sad, angry, frightened and embarrassed all at once in the moment. I needed her.

"Thank you for not leaving…" I whispered in her ear.

"You could never get rid of me." My Mother joked before kissing me on the forehead then leaning back into our embrace.

"I would never want to." I replied.

"Heyyyyyy!" Jacob Jr. shouted, most likely jealous of our hug.

"Jr. I'm allowed to hug your Mommy too." My Mother replied, making me laugh and soften a tad.

"No no no no no!" Jr. protested as he began to try and wiggle free from his highchair. "Up! Pick me up GB! Please!" Jr. cried out.

My Mother looked me in my eyes and I nodded and smiled in confirmation. As much as she wanted to hold Jr. she wouldn't do so unless she knew it was okay to step away from me. My Mother picked up Jr. and the two were off into their own world once more. She cleaned him up got him dressed for the day and put on his favorite music quietly and it played in the background as the two practiced shapes, colors and letters and a few words. As I cleaned his highchair and began laundry I could help but continue to think about - Thea. How strong and smart she must be to be able to handle that kind of information at such a young age. I couldn't stop thinking about how I hadn't thought about her much since I asked Rose to raise her the day we arrived back in Denali. I hadn't hesitated and I remembered feeling confused even when Rose asked me if I was sure. At the moment I just assumed it was given. I remember Jacob being confused and even hurt that he wasn't a part of the conversation though he did ultimately choose not to start an unnecessary argument over it considering how sensitive everything surrounding her birth and conception still was and still is. In therapy with Carlisle I would only force myself to collect the information of whether she was both healthy and happy. The answer to both was always yes. However, though I say "force", I am now beginning to wonder if that is simply all I would allow myself to ask. Knowing more might have sparked feelings for her, I might grow to love her, maybe even want her back - No. I would never do that to Theodora. Rosalie is her Mother and Emmett her Father. I would never take that from her. I stared at my washer machine as the clothes spun around and questions began to swirl around in my mind, questions I hadn't once thought about until now.

"Everything okay?" Jacob's voice frightened me and I realized he was right next to me in the laundry room.

"Gees, where did you -" I began.

"Your Mom called your Dad. Whom I was potentially having a very potentially unfriendly conversation with. She said you were staring into blank space in the laundry room for the last 3.5 hours." Jacob replied, searching my face for answers.

"What? What time is it?" I replied realizing the washer had stopped even though I felt as if I had just turned it on.

"It's almost noon -" Jacob began.

"I feed Jr.!" My Mom shouted out.

"Thank you!" I replied as I melted down the wall and sat down on the floor.

"Okay guess we're doing this down here." Jacob replied as he grunted and moaned as he sat down beside me.

I laughed a bit and his eyes lit up.

"Ha - Ha - Ha Jacobs Old." Jacob mocked and I laughed even harder.

"Yea, my Jacob is getting up there huh." I replied with a smile.

"You're so funny." Jacob replied.

"I know." I smiled and kissed his shoulder as I wrapped my arms around his arm and rested my head on his shoulder.

"So… Anything you wanna talk about or are we just enjoying each others company? I'm up for either or." Jacob smiled and kissed my forehead.

"My Mom… She told me some things… Some Theodora things." I replied.

"Oh. Do you wanna talk about it? It's okay if you don't." Jacob replied, resting his head gently on top of mine.

"I'm going to take Jr. out to the front yard for some fresh air!" My Mother shouted.

"Okay!" Jacob and I shouted back in unison.

We listened as he put his shoes and coat on while he babbled to her about how pretty she was and about what he had learned from Jacob the day before about dirt bikes. An attempt to get her to bring him of his own, which I'm certain would work. As the door opened Jr. shouted out "Ge! Where you go mister?!" As he greeted his Grandfather. We all giggled at his sass. It's an incredible honor to have such amazing parents and have the privilege of watching them become incredible grandparents. We listened for a moment longer as my Father began singing a nursery rhyme with Jr. as they walked off of the front porch and my Mother closed the door behind them.

"Finally they're gone. Gee's think they've been around long enough to take a hint. The baby too." Jacob joked.

"Jacob!" I laughed as I swatted his arm. "You're awful!" I laughed so hard I almost started to cry.

"Alright. I'm sorry. Now - Where were we?" Jacob replied after we both settled.

"Theodora." I stated.

"Right, Thea." Jacob replied quietly as he kissed my hand.

I took a deep breath before I began, "I realized something today more clearly then I have before. I decided Thea's life the moment I knew she was conceived. I didn't think much about what you might want… So… I'm just curious if you think I made the right choice for our family?" I asked.

"That's one loaded question… One that I think about a lot… On one hand you needed to be separated from Thea to heal, I understand and support that. On the other hand I feel like I had no say in a serious situation regarding the life of a child I immediately considered my own." Jacob began.

"And?" I whispered.

"And now… It doesn't matter how I felt. Not in a negative sense just - Well everything worked out the way it was meant to. Thea is - Incredible. The love she gets from Rose and Emmett is something we might never have been able to give her or at least not nearly as soon as she deserved it. Not to mention how well they have raised her. She's like the smartest 6 month old in the world. Like smarter than you at that age. It's -"

"Don't say creepy." I groaned.

"Well it is! Sorry! I love her though. But I would have been lost trying to parent her. Man she is just… So cool. God I wish I was as cool as she is. I wish I was as cute and lovable as Jr. is." Jacob said as he began to stare off.

"Do you think that she-"

"Has the ability to control minds?! Uh-Yeah! It's weird! Doesn't work on me though thank god but Seth gees she basically has to order him to not listen to her 24/7. Then he gets sad because he thinks he's bothering her then she gets frustrated because she's just trying to not be controlling then he insists then she gets mad that he's not listening then - God it is a mess." Jacob replied, sounding exhausted.

"They'll find their way, just like we did." I replied.

"They will. It is funny though, watching them dance."

"What did Rose think? When Seth told her." I asked.

"Oh you'll love this." Jacob said, rolling his eyes. "She was relieved. They all were! Even your parents! I couldn't believe it. I'm pretty sure Rose is planning their wedding secretly. It's ridiculous." Jacob grunted.

I was honestly shocked at this revelation. I remember when Seth told me. It was shortly after we got back home and I thought Seth was coming to say his goodbye after he had spent what I thought was a rather long time living in the main house. First he told me he was staying to help build a small home for Theodora, Rosalie and Emmett, which was the first I had heard of the new home being built for them entirely. Then he let out that he had imprinted on Theodora and I remember I just emotionally shut down. I didn't know how to feel because at the time I didn't recognize her as my own, I still don't, so it didn't feel like information that pertained to me. I wished him luck and that was one of the last times we spoke the second time being at my very small 1st birthday party celebration for Jr.. The entire family was a tad hurt about that one but they all understood why I wanted to have a small party with just myself, my parents, Jacob and Seth. If I could go back however I would have included them all… Especially Theodora. Jacob and my Mother did throw a second bigger party with her included of course at the main house a week later but it was only two hours long as that was as long as I could bear to be without Jr. anytime he left to visit anyone including his half sister.

"It's difficult, you know. Seth is probably the best guy in the entire world but Thea -" Jacob began.

"What about Thea?" I asked, while feeling a bit of defensiveness brewing in my chest.

"Thea should probably be running the world. Not worrying about men, let alone their feelings and Seth has A LOT of feelings." Jacob replied before taking a large breath and rolling his eyes.

"Aren't men and their feelings a part of the world?" I asked.

"You're not a Dad. You wouldn't understand." Jacob replied quickly.

"Right." I replied as I rolled my eyes.

"I just - I don't want her to end up all hurt and stuff. Whenever she says what she thinks might have been the wrong thing to Seth she loses her head and it makes me kind of want to kill him but he's so blissfully content and happy with everything she says and does that he doesn't even recognize that she's sitting around panicking. Then she feels bad when he starts panicking about how to fix her panicking once someone yells at him for not noticing right away. It's exhausting."

"It kind of sounds… Beautiful to me." I replied as I imagined the two working to create and navigate their relationship.

"You're starting to sound like your Mother Ness." Jacob joked.

I slapped his arm again, this time with a tad bit of intention to inflict pain.

"Ouch! Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Too far." Jacob chuckled as he laced his finger with my own.

"I'm going to go to the party this weekend." I said after a moment of silence.

"Are you sure?" Jacob replied, wrapping his arm around my side and pulling me in a bit tighter.

"I'm sure."

"Okay. If you change your mind - No one will be mad at you." Jacob reassured me.

"I would be mad at me." I replied.

I took a deep breath, kissed Jacob twice on the lips and then stood up and walked into my room and locked the door behind me. I grabbed my cell phone from my back pocket. I found Rosalie's contact and with a racing heart clicked the "call" icon. There was no going back now.

"Hello, Renesmee? Is everything okay?" Rosalie hastily let out as she answered on the first ring.

"Yes! Yeah, sorry everything is fine. Great even, really. Sorry I hope I'm not interrupting anything -" I replied.

"Never! I'll always have time for you."

"Mom! I may have just tripped and spilled an entire gallon of milk on the new couch… Also the table and the rug… Sorry! I'm cleaning it now. Where's Dad?!" I heard a high pitched voice shout out through the line.

Theodora. It had to be her of course. I had never heard her voice before. It was almost overwhelming, her vocabulary shocked me instantly and a few tears slipped down my cheek but I forced myself to quickly regain my composure.

"I'll be there in a minute sweetie and he's setting up with everyone in the main house for your party. We talked about this last night, love bug."

"What?! Why didn't he wake me up on his way out?!"

"Thea he tried but you sleep like a rock."

"Ughhhhh…. So I gotta clean this up by myself?!"

"Sweetheart I said I will be there in a minute. Not to mention no one else made the mess but you."

"Okayyyyy… How long will you be though? There's a lot of milk. Like a lot."

"Theodora." Rosalie said in a tone I don't know if I hadn't heard in a long time.

Her Mom voice. I couldn't help but giggle a bit.

"Alright I'll start cleaning… All by myself I guess."

"I am so sorry Renesmee. Please just ignore that entire interaction."

"No! Don't be sorry. You should go help her, I'll let you go. I'll call back later tonight."

"No! You called for a reason and I'm not going anywhere until I know what it was."

"Right. Okay, I just wanted to know if it would be okay if I went to the six month party this weekend."

"Renesmee, we would love that! I'll keep it to myself of course unless you'd like me to tell her -"

"Whatever you think is best. You're her Mother Rose, you know her better than anyone. I trust that you'll do what works best for Theodora and I will support whatever you and Emmett decide." I replied.

"We'll let her know. She'll be thrilled. Thank you Renesmee. I love you, Nessy."

"I love you too Rosey. Tell everyone I say hello and I can't wait to celebrate Rosalie style once again." I chuckled lightly.

"Ha - Trust me with this girl it's much more like "Emmett style" that she prefers unfortunately". Rosalie groaned. "I smell milk more than I can smell Thea so I suppose I should go take care of that."

"Alright, goodbye Rose."

"Goodbye, Ness. Kiss Jr. for me."

"Of course." I replied before I listened for her to hang up.

My hand was hot and I felt mentally like I had run a marathon just now. I felt like I was being dramatic but I knew this was a big step. For all of us. I opened my bedroom door and of course standing there with a ridiculously big smile was Jacob who had clearly listened to every single word, as I expected him to. I had only locked him out so that I could focus not to shut him out.

"We're gonna party!" Jacob began to sing as he wrapped his hands around my waist and rocked me back and forth. "We're gonna party! We're gonna party!"

"Jacob!" I groaned as he swung me around our bedroom until I began to smile and laugh and dance along.