A/N Thank you to everyone who has given this a read so far, and especially to those who have taken the time to comment!
Monica gave the contents of her small suitcase a final once over, flipping the lid closed and zipping it up decisively when she was confident it contained everything she would require for her weekend in Atlantic City.
If she had been in any doubt as to what she was hoping to achieve this weekend, the process of preparing for the trip had certainly confirmed her intentions. Her legs had been meticulously shaved, her toenails freshly painted, and her eyebrows neatly plucked. In fact, every inch of her body had been diligently buffed, groomed and moisturized to perfection. The neatly folded garments that filled her case had been carefully selected to enhance her curves and reveal the perfect amount of smoothly exfoliated skin; all of her underwear matched, each item chosen primarily for its ability to flatter and tantalize, whilst anything remotely practical, comfortable or well-worn had been immediately dismissed out of hand. She would never admit it out loud, but this was a case packed with seduction in mind.
She had no idea what Chandler was expecting of her this weekend, or even if he was expecting anything at all, but things were far from being back to normal between the pair, and she found herself still hopelessly unable to put what had happened between them in London behind her.
She did not think she was imagining his surreptitious glances of desire, or the crackle of tension that occurred every time they found themselves in close proximity; but it was the way he had acted when he had told them all about the Atlantic City Hotel booking that had really intrigued her.
He may have been able to disguise his shiftiness from the others, but Monica was not so easily fooled when it came to Chandler, and his blithe wide-eyed neutrality, and the carefully even tone of his voice had lead her to doubt the veracity of his claim that there had been no triple room available for him to share with Ross and Joey. The look of horror that had flashed briefly across his face when Rachel had suggested that Phoebe should be the one to take the double room he had booked for himself had all but confirmed her suspicion. Perhaps he really was just keen to avoid Joey's snores, or fancied some solitude, but she strongly suspected, and indeed hoped, that he too had identified the potential loophole to the "Not in New York" rule a weekend away in Atlantic City afforded them, and was looking forward to exploiting it as much as she was.
She smoothed down her hair and applied a fresh slick of lipstick before dragging her case through to the living room where the others were already gathered, smiles of endearment pulling at their lips as they enjoyed Phoebe's effervescent excitement.
As so often happened these days, Monica's eyes were drawn like magnets towards Chandler's as soon as she entered the room, and she felt a thrill of satisfaction as she discerned a flicker of want as he returned her gaze.
And then Phoebe's water broke.
Chandler momentarily felt like the most selfish person in the world when his initial feelings at witnessing the beginnings of one of his dearest friend's first birthing experience, were not of excitement or concern, but of frustration and abject disappointment, that the hotel romp he had been so eagerly anticipating had just dissolved before his very eyes in a pool of amniotic fluid.
To be fair, Phoebe herself seemed almost as disappointed as he was to be missing out on the trip, even going so far as to intimate that they should just press on, and head for Atlantic City, despite the triplets' imminent arrival. Chandler soon managed to pull himself together and reset his priorities, in order to join the others in encouraging her towards a hospital bound cab.
Monica already appeared overwhelmed with emotion, a huge grin plastered across her face and a sheen of tears sparkling in her eyes. Surprisingly, the fact that she was immediately wrapped up in Phoebe, rather than being even remotely disgruntled by the cancelled vacation, did not send Chandler spiraling down a wormhole of doubt, wondering whether her lack of concern for the cancelled trip equated to a lack of desire to reacquaint with him.
Chandler knew that her indifferent reaction to the abandonment of the Atlantic City plan under these circumstances, was entirely unrelated to her feelings towards him: Phoebe's needs would immediately trump Monica's own, no matter what, because that was the kind of selfless and empathetic friend she was.
He quickly turned away, suddenly becoming aware that he had been gazing adoringly at her dazzling smile for far too long to be considered appropriate, and he felt a shred of alarm when he realized that for the first time since London, it had been with an entirely chaste fondness.
As the group headed for the stairwell, Chandler dropped back a little to wait for Monica, who was busily locking up the apartment.
"I can't believe Phoebe is going to have her babies!" she exclaimed, her face alive with pure joy.
As he smiled back into her beguiling eyes, Chandler suddenly felt hyper-aware that they were finally alone.
"I know. It's beautiful...amazing...", he replied softly.
Their eye contact deepened, and the smiles began to fade from their faces as the atmosphere in the hallway felt suddenly charged.
Monica inhaled shakily, and felt her lips parting slightly as she saw Chandler's eyes glance towards them. She watched his Adam's apple shift as he swallowed hard before moving slowly towards her, his hand ready to cup her chin, that she had instinctively tilted towards him. Her eyelids drifted languidly closed as she eagerly anticipated the intoxicating sensation of his lips against hers.
"Guys!" Joey's voice startled them back to reality like an ice cold bucket of water, "Come on! Cab's waiting!"
Monica finally exhaled the gasp of air she had not realized she had been holding almost painfully in her lungs and hurriedly fumbled her keys into her purse. Chandler had not moved a whisker, his breath was heavy enough to be audible and Monica could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest.
"OK Joey!" she called back somewhat snappily "We're coming! I'm just locking up!"
She shot Chandler a rueful glance before following Joey down the stairs with Chandler trailing wordlessly behind.
When Joey slid into the middle seat of the cab next to Monica, forming a robust human barrier between the two of them, Chandler was as relieved as he was disappointed. His Italian friend was broad of shoulder and chest, so Chandler was unable to catch so much as a glimpse of Monica, which he had to admit was probably for the best. Adrenalin was still pumping through his veins from their encounter in the hallway, and had he found himself squeezed tightly against her in the back seat of the cab he was not sure how he would have exercised any kind of self-control, regardless of Joey's presence.
Neither he nor Monica seemed able to form a single word for the entire journey but fortunately, Joey was seemingly oblivious to the restless tension that hung thickly between his two friends, and he chattered away happily to the cab driver as they hurtled towards the maternity hospital.
As soon as they had arrived at the Medical Center they had all become quickly and single-mindedly absorbed in ensuring that Phoebe was happy and settled in the delivery suite, so there had been little time for Monica to dwell upon what had almost happened between her and Chandler in the hallway.
Phoebe's brother, Frank, for whom Phoebe was acting as surrogate, had now arrived and was excited to welcome his progeny to the world, so her friends had backed off a little to allow them some space, and began to take turns spending time in the delivery room to avoid overcrowding.
Monica, finding herself thankfully alone, took the opportunity to seek out Chandler. Whilst her feelings about London, "Not in New York" and "Hopefully in Atlantic City", were still exasperatingly jumbled, there had been no mistaking his intention to kiss her earlier and there could be no denying that she had desperately wanted him to.
She needed to speak with him, or at the very least find somewhere where they might finish what had been started.
She paused to pour herself a cup of water from a cooler she passed by as she made for the waiting area, her eyes softening immediately as she spotted him.
He was on the telephone, and appeared to be absorbed in a serious conversation, leading Monica to assume it was something work-related. She took a seat and allowed herself to observe him from a distance.
She realized that she enjoyed seeing him in work mode, and not just when he was sharply dressed in her favorite blue shirt that matched his eyes so perfectly: A more focused context brought out an entirely different side to him. Chandler spent so much time joking, clowning, and self-deprecating when he was immersed in their friendship group that she seldom got to witness the calm, authoritative timbre she could see he was using now. A tingle sparkled down her spine as she recalled experiencing a little of that firmer and more commanding aspect of his personality when they were back in that hotel room in London.
Seeing him so still and serious, and completely unaware that he was being watched, gifted Monica a rare moment to simply appreciate just how handsome he was, with those enigmatic blue eyes, that sharp, straight nose and the thick, soft hair that she had recently discovered she loved to thread her fingers through. Looking at him now, she had no idea how he had ever managed to cultivate this image of himself, within their little gang of six, as being somehow undesirable to women.
At that moment Joey appeared and flopped down next to her on the flimsy waiting room bench, almost upsetting her cup of water and completely shattering her moment of contemplation. She struggled to conceal a grimace of irritation that was only compounded further when she looked up to see Rachel, scurrying down the corridor towards them.
Monica sighed. She loved her friends with an absolute ferocity, but they really did have the most uncanny knack of appearing at the most inopportune moments. She did not think she had ever really acknowledged how maddening this could be, until she had experienced its full force in London.
Rachel's face was sunny and eager, she obviously had something she was excited to say, and Monica shot her a look of intrigue.
"Monica, you're gonna be very proud of me! I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses!" she grinned.
Monica looked down at her hands and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. That was a hard no. She had zero capacity for any other man right now, her mind was swimming in thoughts of Chandler and she was laser-focused on working out what on earth was going on between the two of them. She had absolutely no desire for a date, unbelievably cute or otherwise.
"They want to take us out on Saturday night! What do you say?" Rachel squeaked excitedly.
"Um..I don't think so." Monica replied, the bafflement on both Rachel and Joey's faces causing her to feel a flush of awkwardness.
Her eyes flitted across to Chandler. What would he think about her going on a date? It was not like they were exclusive. In actual fact, they were not even really inclusive. But there was something there, enough to convince her that London was not over.
Rachel was like a dog with a bone. She clearly had her heart set on this double date and was unwilling to accept Monica's negative response.
"Give me one good reason why you don't want to go?" she pressed.
There were no good reasons. At least none that she was able to share. Rachel listened with a confused frown as Monica stuttered her way through various barely intelligible and entirely unconvincing protestations before shutting her down with a firm "You're coming with me. And I also told them that if we're still here when they get off, we'll go down to the cafeteria and get some jello with them."
Further argument was futile.
A chance to meet these nurses today might be good actually, Monica mused, as it would give her the opportunity to find a critical fault in the guy, that would allow for a justifiable cancellation of the date on Saturday. She assumed that Rachel would have picked out the more appealing of the two men for herself anyway, so there would probably be all manner of shortcomings for her to choose from.
Her wistful gaze was drawn back towards Chandler. The most important thing now was to find a way to speak with him alone.
Chandler stood in the delivery suite at Phoebe's side, feeling quite impressed with himself for dealing with this whole birthing scenario surprisingly well so far. He had felt a degree of trepidation about having to witness contractions at close quarters, and hear talk of dilation and such like, but up until now he had to admit that he had fared pretty well.
In fact, he had rather enjoyed being there to support Phoebe, and she had certainly kept him well entertained. Whilst he sympathized immensely with the anxiety and pain his friend was undoubtedly experiencing as her body readied itself to bring three new humans into the world, he had secretly rather enjoyed her stress-induced acerbic rebukes of the various medical staff who had had the misfortune to inadvertently enrage her, and he was particularly amused to see her now turn her acid tongue on Ross, who had dared to defend her "Happy Days" obsessed Doctor.
Despite having felt like a relatively accomplished birthing partner thus far, Chandler was beginning to feel increasingly out of his depth: Her contractions were starting to become more intense and frequent now, her face progressively redder and sweatier, and her breath ever more ragged.
He could tell that Ross was equally concerned when he demanded, with some annoyance, "Where are Monica and Rachel anyway?"
Chandler privately agreed that at this point the two girls might offer more empathetic and resilient support than he and Ross were likely to provide.
"Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out; maybe they're with them." Joey suggested.
Chandler felt his stomach clench unpleasantly.
Monica had a date?
He knew they had agreed not to take things further after their night in London, but there could be no denying that something hung in the air between them now. And they had come so close to kissing just a few hours previously, it seemed completely inconceivable that she would be spending her time at the hospital scouting for men, particularly without addressing that near kiss with him first.
"Really? Male nurses?" he asked, finding his own question immediately risible.
His query made complete sense to Joey however, who automatically assumed that Chandler was also picturing some erotic all-female scenario, and he replied with disappointment, "Yeah. I was bummed too!"
Chandler knew he had no right to feel as upset as he did. Monica was not his girlfriend, and was free to date whomever she chose.
But the intensity of that moment between them earlier surely warranted a discussion at least? Or maybe this was just her way of making it absolutely clear that this morning had been a momentary lapse of judgement and nothing more.
That must be it.
Agreeing to this date was confirmation, beyond a shadow of doubt, that no matter what Chandler had imagined he had felt between them, Monica remained committed to putting what had happened in London behind them, and expected him to do the same.
A dull ache of hurt continued to throb in Chandler's chest as he wandered towards the hospital cafeteria in search of the mild comfort he hoped a caffeine hit would deliver.
Monica had not left his mind ever since London, and he was kicking himself for not being more proactive in working out what he really wanted and attempting to sort things out with her.
Even now, he did not really know what it was he wanted.
At first, he had been so wrapped up in his physical yearning for her that he had been unable to see beyond it. But Monica was his best friend, so it seemed completely naive to think that the two of them could enjoy a purely sexual connection with no emotional involvement whatsoever.
Added to which, Monica was the Queen of commitment: She made no secret of the fact that she wanted a husband and a family in the near future, and she had been unafraid to end what had probably been her most serious and committed relationship, when it became apparent that did not want the same things she did.
It seemed entirely unfeasible that she would want to waste time with any kind of casual "friends with benefits" situation, and Chandler honestly could not imagine that he would deal with that too well either. Not with Monica. They were too close. And the way that his heart had plummeted at the mere mention of this nurse guy, was conclusive proof that any kind of non-exclusivity clause would not sit well with him.
But could he actually imagine being in a relationship with Monica?
"Who wouldn't want you?"
That was the question he had posed, when she had come to him that night in London, downhearted, drowning in self-pity, and convinced that she would never find love.
And he stood by that sentiment. Who would not want Monica? She was pretty much as close to perfection as a human can get.
Maybe he could imagine being in a relationship with her?
He cared deeply for her, of course. He found her ridiculously attractive, that was a given. He loved to spend time with her. She knew all of his quirks and foibles and dealt with them with patience and fondness, and he did the exact same for her.
Who was he kidding, of course he could imagine it.
The problem was, he was completely unable to imagine himself making a success of any relationship; even with a woman he trusted and cared for more than any other; and the idea of screwing things up with somebody that meant so very much to him did not bear thinking about.
He ran his hand contemplatively over his face, feeling utterly confused.
The only thing he did feel certain of right now was that he did not want to see her dating this nurse guy.
But he was in no position to prevent her from doing so.
"Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?"
Monica's gentle voice startled him from his introspection and he swiveled around to meet her apprehensive blue eyes.
"Oh hey!" he greeted her with a breeziness that was a little too breathless to be construed as genuine.
He could tell by the way she was wringing her hands and chewing anxiously at her lip, that this was it. She was going to tell him about her date and dash any hope he might have had that anything more could happen between the two of them. Chandler felt a red hot flush of hurt and humiliation begin to creep up the back of his neck and he hurriedly tried to save face.
"Oh, is this about your date? Because Joey already told me and it's fine, Mon. You don't have to explain yourself to me. What happened between us was nothing. I'm totally cool with it, don't worry!" he rambled, working hard to project a casual ease.
He regretted this excessive display of indifference almost instantaneously: Monica was visibly stung by his words and Chandler could barely bring himself to meet the hurt and disbelief that flooded her eyes.
"Nothing?" she repeated huskily.
Chandler shook his head shamefully as he attempted rectification, " I didn't mean... What I meant was. .. "
But Monica raised her palm to halt his awkward stammering, and narrowed her glistening eyes as she told him stiffly "Don't worry. I get it."
And before he could attempt any further retraction of his unfortunate and downright untrue words, she had turned on her heel and was stalking away from him down the corridor.
Chandler had managed barely a sip of his disappointingly bland hospital coffee when Rachel gestured for him to accompany her to Phoebe's room. He dutifully followed her only to discover that Monica was already at Phoebe's bedside, alongside Frank, who was fretting about his wife potentially not arriving in time to witness the arrival of their triplets.
Chandler attempted a sheepish glance towards Monica but she feigned complete ignorance to his presence.
Rachel's eyes suddenly lit up as a nurse entered the room, and she greeted him with a wide smile of recognition "Oh hi! Monica, this is Dan, one of the guys we're going out with on Saturday."
From behind Dan's back, she gestured to Monica that this was the nurse to whom she had been assigned a date.
At this point it dawned upon Chandler that if Rachel was only introducing the two of them now, this must be the first time Monica had met the nurse. This whole date may well have been orchestrated solely by Rachel, not by Monica herself. Why had he not arrived at this conclusion sooner? Of course Monica would not have callously discarded all thoughts of their moment together and immediately set about prowling the hospital corridors, hunting for dates. She may not even have wanted to go. Which would certainly explain her abject hurt at his careless attitude just now. He almost let out a groan of self-loathing.
He bet she wanted to go out with him now though.
Chandler grimaced as he took the guy in. Tall, broad and muscular; tousled blond, rom-com movie star hair; chiseled features. He was the quintessential handsome bastard.
As Monica and Dan exchanged pleasantries and a handshake, Chandler stared down at his feet. The eager approval in Dan's eyes as he visually appraised Monica was only to be expected, but it still rendered Chandler sick.
When he eventually looked up he found Dan regarding him with expectant curiosity, and that was when Chandler realized that he must have, at some point, gravitated subconsciously towards Monica. He now found himself standing almost proprietorially close to her, which had obviously caused Dan to wonder how he fit into the equation.
Chandler did not step away but offered a firm handshake.
"Chandler." he introduced himself with a tight-lipped smile.
"A friend from our building." Monica explained dismissively as she moved away from him, her coquettish blue eyes never leaving the nurse's face, a brilliant smile plastered across her own.
Chandler watched with gritted teeth.
"Rachel's been telling me so much about you. I'm really looking forward to Saturday." she simpered, her eyes suddenly flitting across to Chandler, presumably to check that he was finding this situation as uncomfortable as she had hoped he would.
He doubted she was left feeling disappointed, as he was pretty sure his face must be more than a little green now, from both nausea and envy.
"So Dan.. Nursing? Must be tough working in such a female dominated profession?" Chandler took a step forward.
He was not quite sure where he was going with this, but he could not stand by and watch mutely while this guy flirted shamelessly.
Monica shot him a disgusted scowl but Dan smiled back affably "Oh it's been great actually. It's a fantastic team here, with some really strong and talented women. I've learned a lot from them."
Chandler winced as Monica listened to his perfect response, doe-eyed.
"But I won't actually be doing this long term: I'm doing this to put myself through medical school." Dan continued.
"Of course you are." Chandler muttered indistinctly beneath his breath as he gave an embarrassed nod and shuffled awkwardly away, not quite believing that he had somehow just managed to deliver the guy such a great pick up line.
In the meantime, the unrepentant waves of Phoebe's contractions were garnering force now and the medical team asked that everyone bar Frank leave the room in preparation for the triplets' births.
At this point, the magnitude of what their friend was experiencing consumed both Monica and Chandler, causing an unspoken but immediate truce. And as Chandler stood close to her in the waiting room, watching her face struggle to contain her excitement and nerves, he was overwhelmed by a rush of intense affection. He loved that their friendship was so deep-rooted, that no matter what arguments or grievances came between them, he could always be confident that they would immediately cast aside any troubles at times of sufficient gravity or of fundamental need. They shared a bond so profound and unconditional it was almost familial.
As Frank ran to and fro from that delivery room joyfully announcing the safe arrival of baby after baby, nothing else mattered to either of them but their mutual excitement and care for Phoebe, and they were able to slip easily back into that blissful normality of sharing affectionate smiles and comforting hugs with no thoughts of sexual chemistry, or hunky nurses or hurtfully flippant remarks. They could just do what they had always done, and be there for one another. Chandler slid an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her tight, pressing a gentle kiss against the top of her head as he reminded himself how incredibly fortunate he was to have her in his life.
When they were finally allowed in to see Phoebe and meet her newborn nieces and nephew, he watched with tenderness as Monica gathered up one of the blanket-bundled infants and rocked her gently, gazing down at those tiny, brand new features with awe. It was only when he gave her back a gentle, comforting rub and she gazed up at him with a watery smile, that Chandler was reminded that things had not magically returned to normal between them.
Sensing her body so close, drinking in the sight of her cradling that baby and then feeling her emotional gaze fuse with his own, did something indescribable to him. The feeling that engulfed his chest with a shocking and breathtaking intensity was quite distinct from any feeling he had ever experienced before, and he knew right there and then that this would be one of those moments that would remain branded on his mind forever, despite having no real concept or understanding as to why.
When they eventually left an exhausted Phoebe alone to say a heartbreaking goodbye to the babies she had selflessly nurtured for nine months on her brother's behalf, they all sat in overwhelmed silence in the waiting room as they awaited news on what the next steps would be for taking their friend home.
Monica sloped away from the group, unnoticed by all but Chandler, who after some time, felt concerned enough by her prolonged absence to wander the corridors to seek her out, eventually finding her sitting alone, despondent and tear-stained in a seemingly forgotten corner of the hospital, a few corridors away from where the others were gathered.
She rolled her eyes when she saw him approach, indicating that the ceasefire between the two of them had been only temporary, lasting just long enough to welcome the Buffay triplets into the world; but she did not move away when he took the seat next to her.
"What's going on?" he asked her gently.
She shrugged her shoulders and snapped a sparsely worded explanation."Emotional day."
He nodded slowly, hoping that she might expand upon this if given time to speak.
"Takes me back to when Ben was born actually," she continued bitterly.
Chandler could recall perfectly his only partially successful attempts to comfort her that day too. He had never quite understood the true profundity of her desire to start a family of her own until they had sat together, in another hospital waiting room, anticipating the arrival of Ross's son.
"And here I am, years later, watching more happy couples carry home their babies, and I'm still just as far away from it all now as I was back then", she shook her head dejectedly.
"It'll happen for you, Mon" he told her quietly, "You're not even 30. You have plenty of time."
He could see her chin begin to wobble a little as he spoke.
"And anyway," he said, offering a tentative smile, "Remember what I said to you that day? The offer still stands.."
"When we're forty, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?"
Her response to this proposal had been indignant: Forcefully demanding an explanation as to why he believed she would not have found her forever love by then.
And her reaction today was no warmer.
She turned to face him with a scowl, "Yeah I remember. If you don't manage to find anyone better by the time you're forty, you'll settle for me and knock me up? Thanks Chandler. It's what every girl dreams of. Being somebody's back-up."
"I don't think that's quite what I said, Mon" Chandler was beginning to get the feeling there was no way he was going to talk her out of this well of self-pity she seemed hell-bent on drowning herself in. "I'm pretty sure I offered to be your back-up. We both know someone will have snapped you up way before then."
She scoffed mirthlessly.
"Like who?" She turned her face towards him, her expression challenging and intense, her breath catching in her chest as she awaited his response.
"Who wouldn't want you?"
That's what he wanted to say. Just like he had told her in London, when her mother's barbed remarks had inspired yet another crisis of confidence that she might end up alone for all eternity. Before she had allowed him to show her how very much he wanted her.
And he definitely wanted her now. As his eyes searched hers, that energy that had crackled between them in the hallway this morning was back in full force. His gaze dropped momentarily to her lips, as an almost unstoppable urge to kiss her surged through his core.
But there was something dangerous in her eyes that he could not quite define, and it was enough to make him take pause. Did she want him to kiss her?
There was also the matter of her apparent acceptance of a date with another man. That was still gnawing away at him. He had been looking for a way to investigate her feelings on the subject, and was desperate to hear her confirm that it had all been Rachel's doing, and that she had no real interest in the guy, despite her earlier flirtatiousness.
Chandler cleared his throat and suggested with contrived nonchalance "Well what about Nurse Man Dan? He seemed pretty... keen".
When Monica turned her whole body to face him, her eyes narrowing as she paused to scrutinize his face; the startling mixture of anger, disappointment and disbelief he saw on hers made him instantly regret allowing his own insecurity to influence his response to her question. He should have said what his gut had told him to say. Or better yet, he should have just kissed her.
"Yeah?" Monica seethed, "Well men are good at that aren't they? Seeming keen. Keen enough to get a woman into bed, but then maybe not quite so keen anymore. That's when you find out you actually mean "nothing" to them."
"Monica!" he began to protest, "You know that's not what I meant before. I-"
She flew to her feet and fixed him with an icy glare as she cut him off, "Oh, save it Chandler! You know what? Maybe I will go out with Dan. Can't be any worse than any of the other terrible decisions I've made lately".
Chandler slumped back in defeat as she fumed away down the corridor.