Hello there!

I wanted to write for a Twitter event, but I'm late. Maybe later this week, who knows! Till then, here, have our scheduled Selfless update ^^

Warning for self-blaming and eating disorder.

Chapter 33 – Lunch break

The lunch break was welcome, and an unusual occasion to use the dining room. It was very lively, with a meal mainly prepared by Asmodeus with the help of Moxxie and the commentary of Fizz, while Loona, Blitz and Millie did a perimeter check before they all sat down at the table. Stolas and Octavia were the last to join after Stolas was alerted by Blitz that it was ready, the imp not daring to interrupt the father daughter discussion.

Octavia was still worried and still had many questions, not to mention she hadn't quite digested all these new revelations quite yet. Stolas was walking slowly and cautiously, like if he was feeling light headed, and with the way Blitz rushed to his side to help him as soon as they entered the room, she had a growing suspicion that he probably felt dizzy or worse, fainted before, probably when he tried to get up.

Loona was quick to bring the owlet back on lighter subjects, and everyone did the same, obviously wanting a break from the difficult discussions, and conscious that even if Stolas did speak to his daughter, they probably shouldn't talk freely about the subject yet.

So everyone started eating with enthusiasm, most demons being particularly hungry with the late hour, but not Stolas. He was just sitting there, having being served without being able to decline, watching everyone smile and have fun, more than half the people he never received in his place before, and he had made a truly poor job as a host, not that Asmodeus has been willing to let his staff cook anyway, saying it would change his mind and let him think.

He felt just… Out of it. They were all chatting, having fun, including the two people he loved most in the world, yet he felt like he couldn't truly join them, despite being physically present. He was happy to see them laugh, truly, but he couldn't do more than smile at the sight. A sincere smile, enough to not worry the others too much, but… it was all.

He didn't know what to say. They were all doing this for him, giving their time, staying away from their own obligations, yet he didn't feel like he deserved any of it. Asmodeus and Fizzarolli had said they owed him for his help with Crimson, that the crystal was Blitz's price for helping the jester escape, but… Stolas still felt like a burden.

They were often glances at him, he noticed, as if they were expecting him to collapse at some point, just because he felt a bit dizzy when he got up to go talk to Via. Or was it because of his previous breakdown? They probably didn't expect him to stay put together for much longer, and he couldn't really blame them. They had been kind earlier, but that was probably just pity. Even the looks Blitz's employees were giving him were all worried, and as far as he knew they didn't witness as much of him being a failure as some others.

But then, there were the glances at Octavia, and it wasn't very hard to understand where this was going. They probably didn't think much about Stolas himself, a prince of Hell unable to defend himself, but they wanted to protect his kid, and couldn't really afford to send her with her mother since she was worse than him. How did he fail his daughter so much, over and over again, in every way possible, was still beyond him, yet somehow she was still here, caring about him, being worried… Heck, what kind of kid worries for their parents? He really wasn't doing a very good job, was he?

"Stolas?"

The owl snapped out of his thoughts so violently, it felt as if he had been underwater and was suddenly breaking the surface to breath just before falling unconscious. Yet, on the outside, he simply blinked and turned his head toward Blitz, who of course was seated next to him, with Octavia on Stolas' other side.

"Yes darling?"

He was too exhausted to pay attention to the nickname, let alone regret it. It didn't matter what Blitz thought about him, how he saw him, he was acting like a dear and that was a fact.

"You're not eating again", the imp frowned. "Come on, remember what we said? Small bits, even if you need 5 minutes break between each. Or just swallow it whole, whatever works best, but even if you struggle with it for some reason, you really need to eat something."

Stolas stared at his untouched plate, and realized several people around the table had stopped talking to listen in. It was only Octavia and Loona, but it was still too much for his liking, and he had a feeling the others were only pretending to chat among themselves but still had an eye on him.

"It's… No use, Blitz. I would rather you enjoy the food, I would only waste it."

"Dad!" Octavia immediately chimed in, and Stolas winced. "He's right, you need to eat! I've seen how little you were eating before I left, it's not enough, and you were hurt recently! Even I know you need energy to recover!"

Her outburst was loud enough to silence the other four demons, and now absolutely everyone was watching him, witnesses of another one of his failures. Yes, he couldn't take care of himself correctly even outside his torment, with his lack of… Pretty much everything at this point. Yet, he knew exactly where his complete inability to eat came from, and that was not something he even wanted to think about right now.

Blitz noticed Stolas' slight trembling as the owl made himself slightly smaller, not daring to show as much vulnerability as before with so many eyes on him, including his daughter, but still clearly uncomfortable with the attention, and he immediately glared at his employees.

He was glad to see Millie nod, understanding what he meant, and immediately start chatting animatedly with Moxxie again, bringing Asmodeus and Fizzarolli into it. Fizz who clearly had noticed too and was helping on purpose.

Blitz smiled at that, glad to have them here. Maybe eating all together wasn't that good of an idea with Stolas' eating problems, but he had almost hoped the different setting would have helped with… Whatever was blocking him.

Only Octavia and Loona were still paying attention, and as much as he knew Stolas wouldn't disclose some things with his daughter listening in, he couldn't do much about it, so he focused on the owl again, trying to put a comforting hand on his arm, but it resulted in a slight flinch.

Blitz took away his hand, frowning, and mentally gave himself yet another reminder to talk to Stolas one-to-one later to finally confirm or infirm his suspicions. He couldn't right now, so…

"Sorry. Just… Why do you say that? You were still eating last weekend, even on Monday! Not a lot, sure, but you could get some food down, so, what gives?"

"It's not… I didn't…" Stolas tried, glancing several times at his daughter.

"Dad, please, just say what's happening so we can help", pleaded Octavia.

"Guess he'd be more at ease if we weren't listening in", Loona pipped up.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh, as you said. Come on Stol's, you told me she was going to stay with you until we sorted this mess, right? She needs to know, so she can help you. It includes knowing when not to pressure you into eating, so just… Try to explain as best you can? We won't judge, I promise."

Stolas winced again, this time his gaze fleeing Via's, until he mumbled while looking at his hands in his lap:

"I… Can't keep anything down. When I ate with you before, I… Just threw up later."

Blitz and Via exchanged a concerned look at that, eyes wide.

"Wait, for how long have you not eaten at all? Like, you really can't eat anything solid?"

Stolas slowly shook his head.

"No, I tried. I'm alright with water, tea, and… Some other drinks, but that's all."

"Dad, for how long?"

Stolas winced.

"… Since Friday. Please don't ask questions about it."

There was a hint of despair in his voice that made Octavia want to push it, but her father's whole body language screamed of discomfort. No, it was even worse than that, but before she could try and analyze it, she met her father's gaze.

"Please, starfire. This isn't for you to worry about."

"Agreed, but you still need to fucking talk to someone about it. You can't go around without eating, even as a Goetia, you're gonna have problems sooner rather than later", Loona said, looking straight at him.

Stolas winced, and Octavia's gaze ping-ponged between the two while Blitz was pondering hard.

Friday. If he wasn't mistaken, Stolas meant that it was the last day he ate normally, which would mean he stopped eating on Saturday. That was the day something happened that Loona knew of, but couldn't tell. That was also the day Stolas acted particularly off in the evening, and even if he was probably… Not great before, there was definitely a switch then, something that changed.

Of course Stolas didn't outright mention Saturday to not clue his daughter, but even the owlet seemed to come to her own conclusion. Yet, she also knew this was not a conversation for her. She exchanged another glance with Blitz, and a slight nod, as if letting him take over, before she reluctantly turned her back to them to resume chatting with Loona.

The imp couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief at that, before focusing fully on Stolas. The owl also seemed relieved, but his body language was still tense.

After making the mistake quite a few times already, Blitz knew that when Stolas was in this mood precisely, physical touch wouldn't comfort him, even tho it usually worked. So he resisted the urge to wrap his tail around the owl's leg and instead looked back at his untouched plate.

"So… Is there really nothing else you can think of to eat? Like, would soup work, do you think?"

"Maybe… No, no, I don't think so", Stolas suddenly said as he seemed to suppress some retching.

"Okay okay, take it easy! Just… I don't know, does juice sound good?"

"Without pulp, yes…"

Blitz almost made a comment about that, but stopped himself just before it could slip out. Now was probably not the time to joke about Stolas' food preferences. He just wanted to tone it down, but he was now conscious Stolas could take it as shaming, and he didn't want to risk it. Not when it could do more harm than good.

"Let's find you that then!"

"Wait, I can fetch it myself…"

The prince barely lifted himself from his seat that Blitz was already gently but firmly pushing him back down.

"No Stol's. You stay here. No walking, no portal. You almost fainted earlier when you went to talk to your kid. I'm sure whatever spell the big Ozz used on you also used what little energy you had left. Don't worry, I got this!"

The Goetia didn't look convinced but stayed on his seat, probably not wanting to bring unwanted attention on him. Blitz tried to flash a reassuring smile before he took off, but it disappeared as soon as he left the room.

Fuck, this was bad. How was he supposed to help Stolas get better if even fucking soup was out of the question? What was this fucking event that made him stop eating? Was it some kind of Pavlov effect where they linked something nice to something painful? But why were some drinks okay but not others?

There was probably no easy answer to this question, and he wouldn't know until he asked. But he couldn't do that in a room full of demons, and their priority after lunch would be to start the first step of the plan, which meant Blitz wouldn't have a moment alone with Stolas until probably tonight, having to deal with the hellhounds without knowing exactly what payback they deserved…

Fuck, he had to find a moment to talk to him privately. One hour wouldn't even be enough to cover everything they needed to talk about, Blitz knew that, because his mental list was already so fucking long, and he felt like they barely scratched the surface. But he'd find a way. At least Stolas told him his chat with his kid went better than expected, whatever that meant given the sad face the owl had made.

Blitz was so lost in his thoughts he wasn't really registering his actions, opening the fridge to grab something that would bring the owl more than just water and that he knew he liked, before closing it and finding himself face to face with Stolas' butler.

"Oh, hey, no offense that we're not eating the house's cooking, alright? Tho even if you are offended, I wouldn't give a fuck, to be honest. You little fucker didn't help me when I was trying to find out what was happening to Stolas!" He started almost friendly, to finish on a more angry note, pointing an accusatory finger at the smaller imp who simply shrugged.

"Do not judge a situation you know nothing of", he simply stated.

"Don't give me your wisdom bullshit lines! You're lucky I couldn't smack you without Stolas noticing, or else… Seriously, you were fine with just cleaning his blood every now and then?!" Blitz kept going, feeling the anger bubbling inside against one of the only person who had all the cards in his hand to stop this sooner.

"Unlike what you seem to be thinking of me, I did not enjoy seeing this happen", the butler added with a wince, as if he was struggling to get the words out. "I was truly unable to help. I still am."

"Yeah, well, it's not like if we need you for anything now, we got this covered", Blitz dismissed him with a hand gesture as he started walking around him to join Stolas. He wasn't going to kill his butler, the poor owl was going to need him, even if his fist was still itching a bit.

"I am sorry."

Blitz stopped dead and turned toward the other imp.

"What?!"

"For all that it is worth, I am sorry. I trust you to help him through this, and I am sorry to not be able to do more."

The assassin finally took some time to really observe the butler, whose name he didn't even know, before he realized the bead of sweat running on the side of his face, and he frowned. He just thought the guy wasn't used to talking openly, with being hired by rich fucks and all, and yeah Stolas clearly wasn't very close to him whatsoever, from the very few times Blitz actually saw them interact, but it wasn't about that, and he also knew the butler wasn't scared of him either, so…

"Wait, are you magically bound to secrecy or some shit?"

The other seemed relieved and nodded.

"Indeed."

"The fuck?! You're bound to Stolas then, why not tell things that could help!"

"Because he was not the one to do the bindings. I am still also bound to lady Stella until the divorce proceedings are officially over", he explained, and more sweat started to run down.

Okay, if just that little info was that hard for him to get out, Blitz completely understood why he didn't talk sooner. In fact, beating the shit out of the guy probably wouldn't have done much, except maybe cause Stolas more harm without one of his staff here to help.

"Okay, but… Why are you apologizing to me? Shouldn't you do that to Stolas?"

"I cannot."

Blitz frowned. "Why?"

"That is… Complicated to explain, and probably unnecessary details. But I count on you to tell him, please."

"Yeah, I'll do that… Thanks, I guess?"

"Thank you", the imp added, bowing to him.

Blitz was almost 100% sure he initially wanted to add something but whatever magic and education bullshit was holding him back were too strong, so he just shrugged and said.

"Eh, it's fine. I want to kill you a lot less now, thanks for the clarification I guess. I'll let Stolas know, and ask him about this magical bullshit, see if he can't loosen it up a bit."

The imp gave him back a grateful smile, that the assassin returned.

"By the way, that's your name?"

"Oh. It is Impington, sir."

"You can call me Blitz, you know. Also, ya sure? You have a Pringles face to me!"

"That's not…"

"Okay, you're Pringles then! Well, nice talking to you! See ya around!"

Blitz waved and ran off with the carton of… Whatever it was he picked, before he stopped short of returning into the dinning room so people wouldn't wonder what the fuck he has been up to.

That conversation was… Enlightening. Blitz was pretty sure Pringles had wanted to warn him about more stuff than they already found out, but couldn't because of whatever magic bullshit was holding him down. Which was really stupid, what kind of shitty spell was that, to allow Stolas' butler to endanger him because of his fucking wife?

Tho, it wasn't really in Blitz's priorities, so he just filed that for later in his little mental list and walked back in to give Stolas the carton.

"Here, you like that, right?"

Stolas blinked and smiled softly.

"That's what Via usually drinks in the morning. But yes, I like it too. She made me discover it, actually."

That finally gave the imp a pause and he checked what was written while the owl poured himself a drink.

Oh. It wasn't juice, it was some chocolate milk bullshit. Whatever, it was probably good too, as long as Stolas managed to drink it without spitting it out. He'd give him juice later.

Blitz hopped back on his seat while carefully watching the prince take a few careful gulps of his drink, before relaxing as the owl put the now half empty glass down, looking content.

"Thank you darling. I drank too much water previously to feel up to more than a glass, but I appreciate it all the same."

"No problem, I'll see to give you something else later. I'm sure you could down a whole bottle and it still wouldn't be enough anyway."

Stolas winced.

"You are probably right, but I don't really…"

"Hey hey, it's fine, no pressure, I know there' no helping the body if the mind isn't ready first. At least in your case I'm pretty sure it works like that. Let's just enjoy the break okay? So we can go back to planning later. Alright?"

Stolas smiled shyly, and Blitz decided that it was his new personal challenge: by the end of the meal, he had to make the owl laugh at least once. He hadn't missed how he seemed to get into his own head when left alone, probably dwelling on bad thoughts. If giving him space didn't work, then Blitz would do the opposite, happily stealing from Stolas' plate with enough theatrics to finally hear the start of a hooting laugh.

It was harder than usual to make him laugh, but Blitz was getting there, despite Moxxie's remonstrances about how much of an inappropriate behavior it was. The owl was slowly relaxing, and even Octavia seemed to notice, bantering with him around the stolen food, since it was now obvious the owl wouldn't touch it. It seemed to do the trick: Stolas wasn't feeling conspicuous or ashamed for not eating, instead it was turned into a distraction he wasn't the focus of. The others were either minding their business of witnessing playfully, Fizz of course butting him at some point, cheating with his robotic arms.

Finally, it was the break everyone needed, which made it all the more difficult when all plates were empty and it was suddenly time to return to the serious matters. But Blitz promised himself that he'd make Stolas laugh tonight too, even if the owl still wouldn't eat by then. Didn't he read somewhere that laughing was good for digestion? Maybe it would help him with his overflow too. Either way, the assassin was dead set on this.

"Hey, are you sure you won't need me for the next step?"

Blitz jumped in surprise at seeing Loona next to him as they were heading out of the dinning room after cleaning the table.

"Oh Loonie, you want to help? How sweet! But… I don't feel too well leaving the two owls behind alone while we're taking care of the assholes", he tried to explain with as much tact as he could, which was quite a lot for his usual standard.

"But if I tag along, maybe we can do more teams? Like, you and I for the hellhounds, and the other two for the snipers."

She didn't mention Asmodeus and Fizzarolli, she knew they were assigned to pay Stella a visit as soon as the others were done. While she would love to tear down the ones who threatened her father, even if she would never admit it out loud, she also knew her father wanted his personal revenge on the ones who hurt Stolas, and even if she was well placed to know they deserved it, she still wanted to check in with the owl.

"Okay", Blitz said after a moment of reflection. "Let's see how we can make it work!"

06/11/2024

I didn't write much of next chapter yet but you will probably like it :3