The Narrator: "You're on a-"

The Princess: "Welcome back, sheathie, I've got a little surprise for you. You deserve it, you've been such a good pincushion…"

Voice of the Hero: "Uh, I don't mean to be crude or anything, but-"

Voice of the Contrarian: "Did her boobs get bigger?"

Voice of the Skeptic: "No, she's simply pushing her arms together and bending towards us a bit to emphasise them."

The Narrator: "I don't know what's going on, but I hate it already. In case you didn't know, the Princess-"

Voice of the Cheated: "Yeah yeah, end of the world, slay her, blablabla, we know."

(· "Uh, h-hi. Ti- It's nice to see you again. Why did you stab me?")

The Princess: "Because it was just so much fun, of course, and you did get pretty rude with that really poor attempt to stab me first. But don't worry, I'm about to make it up to you..."

Voice of the Smitten: "Our angel of blades is walking towards us, see how she rocks her hips, her coy smile… Ahh, I can hear the wedding bells already, I can't wait to call her our knife wife."

Voice of the Hunted: "Do not be distracted by the siren's lure, her teeth will be far sharper than her looks! Avoid her, circle her, and keep our eyes focused."

Contrarian: "Oh, they're focused alright."

(· [Circle the Princess])

The Narrator: "Some sanity remaining, you avoid the Princess as she comes at you. You each keep pacing, circling around each other on opposite sides of the basement, the Princess emphasising her, um, charms as she walks."

The Princess: "What's wrong, cuttee? Don't you wanna see the surprise I have in store for you? It's real good, so get your cute feathered butt over here already."

Smitten: "If we're going to avoid our beloved, at least flirt back with her, show her we're interested."

Hero: "I think our body language is on the flirting already."

Skeptic: "We know there's no escaping her, she can cross this room in an instant. She's letting this be our own choice. I think we all know it's a trap, but we might as well spring it."

Cheated: "Oh, so she's toying with us. Thinks she's so much better than us."

(· "Oh Princess, why, you know I'm too shy.")

Paranoid: "And terrified."

(· "I'm really looking forward to your surprise, but maybe I could see it at a distance?")

The Narrator: "The Princess laughs coyly."

The Princess: "Are you scared to approach me? But I'm just a sweet, innocent Princess and I miss having you close to me… Didn't you have fun last time?"

(· "I did, I had so much fun, you were really great. Until you started stabbing me. I didn't much like that.")

The Narrator: "The Princess pouts cutely and pushes her elbows together to emphasise her, um, charms even more."

Contrarian: "You know you're allowed to say 'boobs', right? Boy, they sure are charming though."

The Princess: "Aww, I'm sorry sheathie, let me make it up to you. I just got carried away, it's really easy around you because you excite me so much. Come feel how fast my heart's pounding if you don't believe me..."

Hero: "She is definitely not sorry, but we are trying to keep her entertained so she'll maybe stop stabbing us. I kinda wanna just spring the trap."

Cheated: "No way, are we really giving her the satisfaction?"

Smitten: "I'm sure there'll be plenty of that in store for us too."

Contrarian: "Whatever she's gonna do will probably be really funny. Plus, sounds like we'll get to touch her boobs."

(· "Okay, I'll come over. But it'd be really boring if you just stabbed me again with one of your arm or leg blades.")

The Princess: "I agree! That'd be predictable!"

(· "Or one of your weird extra blades like the ones that came out of your shoulders or the secondary arm blades.")

The Princess: "I know, that wouldn't be a very surprising surprise. Also I really want you near me again, so it'd be very silly of me to stab you about it."

(· "And it'd be really boring if you started biting again too!")

The Narrator: "The Princess laughs and bares her teeth, clacking them together a few times before wagging her tongue."

The Princess: "Are you suuuure? Sounded to me like you thought the biting was real exciting. But fine, no biting off any birdfaces. Just come over here… Why are you being so paranoid?"

Paranoid: "D-does she know who I am? Has she been able to hear our voices all along? What else does she know?"

(· "I just think you're a cheeky sexy murderer and you're somehow gonna skewer me the moment I get close to you, so prove me wrong." [Step toward the Princess])

The Princess: "That'd be so predictable of me! So I'm not gonna do it. Come be safe here in not-stabbing range with me."

Cheated : "That smile promises both nothing and also so much good."

Smitten: "Whatever minxy plan our darling has thought up, I'm sure the good will easily outweigh the bad."

The Narrator: "Drawn in by the Princess's charms, you approach her, trying to keep your cool. The Princess immediately reaches for your hand."

The Princess: "Finally, you silly pincushion, no need to be so nervous around me. I don't bite… much. I just want you with me… Here, feel my heart pound for you."

The Narrator: "The Princess pulls you in and lays your hand on her chest as she embraces you. You do feel her heart pound rapidly as her eyes bore into yours from so close by."

Contrarian: "Hehehe, that's not the only thing we feel though, is it?"

The Narrator: "I've had just about enough of you. All you had to do was slay the Princess and save the world. A very simple and easy mission, impossible to misunderstand. And I graciously signed up to be your guide in this quest. Instead you end up groping the Princess and expecting me to describe your disgusting, shameful actions as you make a mockery of the end of the world?"

Smitten: "Let me stop you right there, because there is nothing disgusting or shameful about acts of love. If anyone is making a mockery of this situation it is you. You are hardly worthy of narrating our steamy encounter with our lovely lady of lacerations. I can't help but notice you were so busy crafting insults that you completely neglected to talk about the way we lovingly brushed our hand through her angular hair, nor the way she is fluffing up the plumage at our hips, or the passionate kiss we share, in addition to your refusal to speak of the affection we have shown her shapely bosom, tenderly petting its soft skin and rolling it in our hand, feeling its round form, its weight, its cushiony softness interrupted only by... three harder parts curiously resisting our caress, stirring inside as if something burrows inside her breast? Wait, they're not supposed to feel like that."

The Narrator: "The Princess's smile suddenly turns into a devilish grin baring all her teeth-"

Paranoid: "LET GO! BACK OFF! RUN FOR OUR LIFE!"

Cheated: "Wha- OH SHIT!"

The Narrator: "You let go and jump back at the exact moment three pairs of blades erupt horizontally from the Princess's chest, the lower two pairs ripping through her dress as well as her skin, leaving three bloody horizontal wounds connecting each blade to its counterpart. Just barely avoiding getting your hand chopped off, you back into the wall in terror. The Princess is after you, her six rib blades shearing and slicing like an insect's mandibles, her chest a bloody patchwork."

Contrarian: "Holy shit, she had a booby trap all along!"

Hero: "Don't waste time on puns, just run!"

Stubborn: "No, we have to fight back, it's just another weapon to overcome!"

Cheated: "Screw this, even her boobs have blades in them? That's total-"

Skeptic: "We know!"

The Princess: "What's wrong, sheathie, come give me a hug! Don't be so shy."

The Narrator: "As you panic, the Princess demonstrates her true, deadly speed. Within seconds, she is upon you, her curved rib blades closing in around you like the deadly teeth of a predator drawing you into its maw. You are forced into a close embrace as the blades slice into your arms, your sides, your back… But they only cut skin-deep. Then they stop. So do you, caught in the deadly grip of the Princess's ribs, restrained by her blades, any movement likely to bring you injury. The blood dripping from her cut up chest soaks your plumage as you are pressed together. Her grin, centimetres away from your face, promises only death."

The Princess: "You should've heard your screams, they were so funny! You are hilarious, and it's gonna be funnier every time I kill you again."

Hero: "Sh-she's got us trapped again, even closer to her this time. Maybe if we're just very nice to her she'll treat us well?"

(· "Woah, you're full of surprises. This one's... terrifying? Really cool... actually kind of hot. But doesn't it hurt?")

The Narrator: "The Princess shrugs, her rib blades scraping over your back."

The Princess: "I guess, but it's gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurts me, and it was really funny when I got you!"

(· "Why do you want to hurt me? I don't want to hurt you, I want to make you happy.")

The Princess: "Then you should be glad, because you do make me happy and you can't hurt me. I'm the one who hurts you, remember, you silly billy? And that's what makes me happy! It's like we're made for each other, like a knife and a melon!"

The Narrator: "The Princess's wounds are deep, you can see her heart beating through one of them. Even now, you still stand a chance. You are holding the pristine blade. Using it will likely cost you your life, but the Princess's heart is unprotected, you can take her with you and save the world."

Cheated: "Yeah! Let's see how she likes suddenly getting stabbed while cuddling."

Smitten: "Silence, do not be so cruel. Our dearest femme fatale has drawn us close to her, holding us to her bosom with her very ribs. She could not possibly have let us nearer to her. Do not seek to hurt her lovely heart because she has let herself be vulnerable with us, show her the love and care she needs instead. If she has pranked us, can we not have a sense of humour about it? If you wish to be her lover rather than her enemy, as I do, then perhaps this is simply what that looks like."

Hero: "The skewering is just gonna continue forever if we kill each other. Get rid of the blade and talk to her, really talk to her."

(· "You got me, but I could've gotten you too, and I want you to know that." [Drop the blade])

The Narrator: "Unbelievable. The Princess makes a mocking face."

The Princess: "What's that supposed to mean? You couldn't have done anything to me with that silly knife, am I supposed to be impressed you dropped it?"

(· "I'm granting you mercy. Will you please have mercy on me too?")

The Narrator: "The Princess giggles, her every motion agony as her rib blades dig into your arms and back."

The Princess: "Mercy? Does this look like the face of mercy? Of course I won't have 'mercy' on you, sheathie, I'm gonna slice you into cute fluffy ribbons! And then when you come back, I'm gonna do it again, and again, and again, and it's never going to stop! And it's going to be so, so much fun. For me, but for you there's gonna be fun parts too, I do so love you, after all."

The Narrator: "She mockingly caresses your face and your bloodsoaked chest."

Smitten: "She loves us! She said she loves us!"

Hero: "Y-yeah, but she said a lot of other things too."

Smitten: "I know! Oh, what a joyous fate to live and die at the sharp hands of such a beautiful woman."

(· "If you love me, please stop killing me. Why don't you just come outside with me?")

The Princess: "Why would I ever do that when killing you is so much fun?"

The Narrator: "The Princess kisses you, slowly and sensually running her hands over your body. And you reciprocate vigorously despite the rib blades restraining you. As you part, your warm breath fogs up her metal teeth. The Princess speaks to you in a breathy whisper."

The Princess: "See? It's not all pain. There's plenty of pleasure to be had too."

(· "I know, I just don't want you to kill me any more. I'm not a toy.")

The Narrator: "The Princess laughs and runs a finger over your neck."

The Princess: "But you are! You're a toy, and you're mine. You can accept that and have endless fun while I romantically butcher you, or you can cry and mope about it and we can stop the kissing and the fooling around and the sexy stuff and turn the romantic slaughter into good old platonic slaughter. I'll have fun either way, because I could never not have fun with you. I'll have more fun one way than the other, but it's still your choice. I just hope you make the right one because I want you."

The Narrator: "The rib blades slice into your sides, the Princess's body pressed against yours, her eyes gaze hypnotically into yours from mere centimetres away, a cruel fire of possessive passion burning in them."

Cold: "All we need to do is understand the deaths don't matter. We come back anyway, what's a little pain?"

Broken: "We are a toy. We should embrace it, pledge ourselves to her. We never had a choice."

Cheated: "No, c'mon, we can't just let her have that, we're not pledging ourselves to anyone, least of all the Princess."

Smitten: "It seems I was wrong, yet so very right. Perhaps her love for us will never cease to be a cruel one. So let us embrace our role as her beloved toy. To receive this much love from a lady so very cruel is truly worth all the pain, every drop of blood spilled."

Skeptic: "No, this ain't right. She doesn't love us, not really, or she would care about our feelings too. We put up a boundary, and she's made clear she doesn't care about it. It's not worth it, no matter how good it feels."

Opportunist: "She caught us anyway, might as well make her feel good, butter her up a bit, have a good time. And then when we die, we pop back up and figure out a way outta here!"

Contrarian: "I don't like how serious this got, can't we just go back to having a laugh, touching her boobs, and ignoring the subtext?"

Paranoid: "Maybe she won't hurt us as much if we do whatever she wants. If that makes us a toy, it's better than the alternative."

Stubborn: "Screw that, we're no toy, she can do this our way or we'll make her regret it!"

Hunted: "There is no way out. The only way to survive is to please the Princess. The happier we make her, the longer we live. It's been the plan all along."

Hero: "I-I can't think! I love her, but I hate how she treats us, I just want to be with her without being hurt!"

The Princess: "Well? What are you?"

(· "I'm… a toy.")

The Narrator: "The Princess laughs a cruel laugh."

The Princess: "And whose toy are you?"

(· "Yours, Princess.")

The Narrator: "The Princess croons as she kisses and bites a trail down your neck to your chest plumage, her face vanishing into the fluff. The grip of her rib blades loosens just a little, enough to allow her to bend without cutting into you. Your arms don't have much room to move, but it's enough to place your hands on her sharp hips and caress them, letting them wander around her thighs and her, well, bottom."

The Princess: "That's right, well done my lovely little pin cushion, you are my toy, for me to do with as I please, and I love you. You're my sheath and my whetstone, my polish and my wax. You live and die at my whims, and that's how it's going to be forever. We're gonna have so much fun together, and you deserve it so much!"

The Narrator: "The Princess comes back up, her face stained red from her own blood that soaked your chest. She lifts up her skirt, allowing your hands to slip underneath as you fondle and caress her. With a wicked grin, she holds up her left hand between your faces, and from each of her fingers a small stiletto blade erupts, leaving the digits themselves to flop uselessly without the bone. You squeal in fear, yet when the Princess starts using her fingerblades on you, sending them downward, she's curiously soft with them. She simply strokes along your skin and combs along your feathers gently, lovingly, blissfully, using them with no more malevolence than she would with her fingers. The edges just ever so slightly dance along your skin, almost tickling more than they hurt. Yet there are sudden stings of sharp pain, red lines drawn into your flesh, some of them shallow and some of them deep, bleeding copiously. The pain only heightens your pleasure as you kiss her, full of fire, constantly aware she may decide to kill you at any moment, the terror only driving you on."

The Princess: "If you want to know what the future looks like, imagine my blades lovingly cutting your flesh into ribbons. And I'll do it over, and over, and over again, and it will be ecstasy. Just you, me, and your blood splattering the walls! Can you imagine anything more beautiful, more blissful?"

Smitten: "No future could be more beautiful than one in which she looms so large, her deadly blades lovingly killing us repeatedly."

Broken: "So much pain… But that is simply what being with her is. It was never going to be anything else."

Paranoid: "So much fear. She's going to kill us, and it'll happen whenever she thinks it's funniest, and that could be any time!"

Hero: "I hate this, but I love this. I hate her, but I love her…"

(· "I love you, Princess.")

The Narrator: "It's all too much for you. The terror of her blades restraining you, her kisses and lovebites, her stiletto'd hand both caressing and cutting into your skin, the feeling of her body rubbing on yours, your hands fondling her soft curves. A sound somewhere between a moan and a scream escapes you, to the Princess's delight. She croons viciously."

The Princess: "See? Isn't being romantically murdered by a sweet, sexy Princess just so much fun? We made this idea together, because there are so many different ideas in you! And blood! And I love that about you, because there is so much love in me! And blades!"

The Narrator: "The Princess brings her stiletto'd hand back into view and begins slowly, sensuously licking your blood off it."

The Princess: "You are delicious! I could just eat you up!"

Cold: "She thinks she's oh so intimidating. But two can play at that game."

(· "Princess, may I?")

The Narrator: "The Princess tilts her head and offers her hand. You copy her, making sure to make full eyecontact as you lick your own blood off her stiletto fingers. The Princess gasps and shudders."

Skeptic: "Oh, does she have tactile feedback from the blades? Fascinating. "

(· "Do you… feel what happens to your blades?")

The Narrator: "The Princess blushes deeply and rolls her eyes."

The Princess: "Obviously, they're part of my body! Do you feel what happens to your silly bird tail?"

The Narrator: "She reaches down and draws a cut across your tail with a finger before bringing her hand back up and looking at you with a sheepish frown."

The Princess: "I... didn't say you should stop, though."

The Narrator: "The Princess offers her bloodied hand up again, and by the time you reach her fourth finger she moans in delight and thrusts forward with a passionate kiss, tackling you both to the ground in a tangle of limbs. The impact drives her rib blades deep into your back, severing your spine and cutting into your lungs. Your lower body goes completely numb. The Princess is so lost in her pleasure that it takes her a little while of passionately making out to notice you are coughing up blood into her."

The Princess: "Hey, what's the matter with you, I didn't even cut into your- oh, whoopsiedoodle, I guess I did! Silly Princess, I should be more careful, killing you accidentally is way less fun and it does so interrupt things. But oh well, I guess it's time to cut this one short! And by this one, I mean your life!"

The Narrator: "An explosion of agony as the Princess's rib blades mince, cut, and shear into you, like a lawnmower slicing your torso to ribbons. For good measure, the Princess takes her stiletto hand and stabs all five fingers deep into your face and eyes. Mercifully, everything goes dark, and you die."

Hero: "Fuck. That was a lot."

Opportunist: "Yeah, that was fun. But we get a chance to escape now."

Skeptic: "Her blades can penetrate the metal of the walls. If we can bait her into stabbing the slope, we can use the damage caused to climb up."

Smitten: "How can you want to leave our darling behind when she offers such delights? In here we can love and be loved forever, exist in her sweet murderous embrace yet never truly die."

Hero: "I hate to say it, but… I don't think she loves us. She doesn't even see us as a person. I liked when she got all assertive and stuff, don't get me wrong, but what we want still matters. Or it should matter… I wish it was different, I wish we could change her, but I don't think we can. Let's get out of here."

Smitten: "Love can change anyone, we just need to give her another chance, not abandon her. We can fix her, we just need to be patient, and loving, and understanding, and devoted, and ever loyal and then she'll come around."

Skeptic: "And will she ever be any of those things with us? She's made clear she has no intention to change, and we can't make her. All we can do about it is decide if we'll let ourselves be treated this way or leave. I suggest we leave."

Broken: "We deserve to be treated like this. Last time she killed us was our own fault… She didn't want to do that to us…"

Hunted: "Don't excuse her, she made it very clear she was going to cut us up anyway."

Cheated: "Yeah, and it was kinda bullshit it happened at that moment, 'cause things were getting real good, but she was gonna kill us in the end no matter what. I say we leave: she'd hate it, and that's as good as a win!"

Stubborn: "We're no-one's toy, but I'd rather force her to respect us than flee."

The Narrator: "You're on a-"

Contrarian: "Wow, I love how lush these woods are, thank you so much for your contribution."

The Princess: "Hi again, sheathie! I got a little carried away last time, but I've got another surprise to make up for it, and I think you'll love this one!"

(· "Actually, I think I'm gonna fight you this time. En garde!")

The Princess: "That's fine, actually, that's perfect because I'd love to do this while also fighting you, that'd be really fun."

Hunted: "She's gonna strike, move!"

The Narrator: "You dive out of the way of the Princess as she crosses the basement in an instant, a blade erupting from her left arm, lunging for you and hitting the slope instead, burying her blade in its steel. She pulls it out and whirls around at you, leaving a damaged foothold in the stairs."

Skeptic: "Now comes the hard part, we need to get her to do that higher up too. One foothold's not enough to escape."

The Narrator: "The Princess is upon you immediately, her blade flashing rapidly and forcing you to step back with every strike. As you focus on parrying her, she kicks out, putting her foot against your chest as she pushes you against the wall."

The Princess: "It's so funny that you think fighting me is ever going to do anything, but it keeps the blood running I suppose, gets you back in the right mood for my surprise!"

The Narrator: "With a smirk, the Princess cocks her hips and a corolla of short blades pointing diagonally downward erupts from them, instantly cutting her skirt off and making it drop to the ground and onto you. You barely register the blade at your throat as you witness her bare legs, her decency only just maintained by the circle of blades now forming a tiny metal skirt. In as far as 'decent' is a term that can ever be applied to the Princess."

Cheated: "Woah, that's a good trick."

Smitten: "Oh my, how lucky we are, our beloved truly is a master of seduction as well as incision. We should encourage her, bring out our courtship dance!"

Hero: "We have a courtship dance?"

Smitten: "I feel it in our blood, we do!"

The Narrator: "You let your hand run up her leg tenderly, and the moment her knee goes a bit weak, you slip out from underneath her pin and roll to your feet. You begin tapping your feet, spreading your wings, raising your crest rhythmically, spinning, and waving your tail around. The Princess looks at you funny for a couple seconds, and then she starts copying you. I hope you realise the two of you look like idiots right now."

Hero: "She's not bad! Shame she lacks the tail to really pull it off."

Cheated: "I like it, she doesn't get to have a tail, we get to lord that over her. Hehe, that blade skirt doesn't quite cover her up on this side though, does it?"

Contrarian: "We did call her cheeky once before."

The Princess: "This is fun! This is silly and so much fun, you're so full of good ideas! Just like me!"

The Narrator: "You share a laugh as you finish your ridiculous courtship dance with a couple of mutual spins. As she does so, a rib blade erupts from the Princess's midriff and circles around and then down, cutting the waist of her dress off, leaving her clad in only the upper part of her bodice and her skirt of knives."

(· "Wow, you get a lot of different uses out of those blades, don't you, Princess? I really approve of this one.")

The Narrator: "The Princess smirks as she paces towards you."

The Princess: "Blades are incredibly useful! And you're gonna see and feel all their many uses for yourself."

(· "You're about to stab me or skewer me or cut me with more blades from your arms or your legs or your chest!")

The Narrator: "The Princess giggles."

The Princess: "Aww, no, don't worry, the one blade is all I need for that! But you're not the only thing I'm cutting up today, so let's see if you can survive longer than my dress."

Smitten: "Our lacerating lover is putting on such a show for us, do we really have to try to escape this time around? Can't we just please wait for the next life? Pretty please?"

Skeptic: "She's distracted, has only one blade she agreed to use, and thinks we're distracted too. We won't get a better chance."

Contrarian: "It'd be really funny if we just up and left in the middle of her striptease."

(· "Wow, that's so hot, I'm seriously starting to think you can do anything with your blades.")

The Princess: "That's because I can! Blades can do whatever you put your mind to. It's the power of pointitivity!"

(· "Anything, huh? Think you could… I don't know, stab the ceiling?")

The Princess: "That's pretty high up."

(· "Oh, well, if you can't then don't worry about it. It was just an idea. Maybe I'll figure out how to climb up there myself some day and hang out outside your reach.")

The Princess: "No, I can do it, I definitely can. Nowhere is safe from me, my little pin cushion, I'll always be there for you."

(· "You could probably reach it if you stood on my shoulders.")

The Princess: "Yes, that's right, I cou-"

The Narrator: "The Princess narrows her eyes with a smirk, puts one hand on her bladed hip, and wags her blade admonishingly."

The Princess: "You cheeky bird, are you trying to look up my skirt?"

(· "I-I wouldn't, I just wanna help.")

The Princess: "What kind of Princess do you think I am?"

(· "One parading around half-naked after cutting up her own dress.")

The Narrator: "The Princess winks and rolls her shoulder seductively as a blade emerges and slices off her dress's sleeve, what remains of the garment tilting precariously."

The Princess: "You know it."

The Narrator: "Suddenly, she attacks again, your blades clashing. You barely manage to parry as you fence around the basement, a grin on the Princess's face."

(· "So you can't hit the ceiling, then?")

The Princess: "The ceiling thing again? Obviously I can, watch this!"

Cheated: "She's going for the foothold on the slope, now's our chance to trick her!"

The Narrator: "As the Princess steps up onto the foothold she carved into the ramp, her arm blade reaching out to take a swing at the ceiling, you leap and tackle her, knocking her against the slope, her blade embedding itself further up. You waste no further time and scramble up the Princess's body as fast as you can, trying to build momentum while you have the chance. With an angry snarl she withdraws her blade, just in time for you to use the damage it left as a foothold. You don't stop, you use your momentum to run up the second half of the slide, kicking off the curved sidewall to help you up. You hear the Princess's blade swoosh through the air behind you, a sharp pain erupting in your tail as she cuts off the tip, but you keep running. Your feet slip and you dive for the top of the slope, your upper body gaining purchase on the jagged floor of the cabin."

Cheated: "We did it! We actually got there and left her to languish!"

The Narrator: "The Princess's voice, no longer playful and grating but furious and cruel, bellows from below."

The Princess: "NO! You don't get to escape me, that's not how this works! I will ALWAYS have you with me to hurt, get back here where you belong NOW!"

The Narrator: "You slowly drag yourself up the last bit of the slide as you hear her blade repeatedly impact the slope, slicker than ever with your tail's blood flowing down."

Hunted: "She is not far behind us, be somewhere else."

Opportunist: "Or, we cut her down right here on the landing, she'll be at a disadvantage."

Skeptic: "This is the only chance we'll ever have to escape. Our safety is far more important than putting an end to her."

Smitten: "Our beloved will find us, no matter where we go, our heart simply calls out for her across the gulf of time and space!"

Cheated: "Calls out for her to stab us in it maybe."

The Narrator: "The sparsely clothed Princess comes into view, climbing the slope by jamming a blade in each hand into it. You have never seen her truly angry before, but now her rage is absolutely volcanic. All her whimsy, her cruel teasing, any hint of a smile or affection is gone."

Opportunist: "Actually, we should go, like I said. We should run really far away."

(· [Run for your life])

The Princess: "I'm going to catch you, and when I do, my fun will continue, but you will only ever know suffering again for leaving me to boredom and imprisonment! I'm going to start each of your miserable lives by cutting off your legs and your tongue so you can't run and can't even think of tricking me again! I could've been your wildest dream, but I'll be your worst nightmare instead!"

The Narrator: "You sprint for the door, but even as you reach it you hear the Princess's footsteps right behind you and feel the woosh of a blade slicing through the air, chopping into the door frame and launching a rain of splinters. You bolt outside and the Princess, a fury of blades, is right behind you."

Cheated: "Fuck, fuck, fuck, she's way too fast! This was a bad idea!"

Stubborn: "Stand and fight, our final battle will be the most glorious one yet!"

The Narrator: "With no choice left but to fight, you do your best to parry her onslaught. But she is no longer playing. Her strikes are swift and deadly, aimed only to kill. She is too furious, too skilled, too fast. Deep cuts blossom all over your body, your blood rapidly pooling on the ground. Another strike, and your left hand is severed."

(· "Look, it's the outside! Isn't it just so big and beautiful and gorgeous? You don't have to be bored here, you're finally free!")

The Princess: "I don't give a shit! I'm gonna skewer you and throw you right back into the basement where you belong, and where I always win, and then I'm jumping after you and cutting you into a million screaming little pieces! And that's just the start of the next billion lifetimes of suffering, because you just had to ruin the perfect thing we had!"

The Narrator: "The sheer ferocity of the Princess's strikes makes them impossible to properly defend yourself from. She severs your leg at the knee and you desperately defend what's left of you, falling into a puddle of your own blood, as she…"

Hero: "She what?"

The Princess: "We could've been so happy together! I loved you, I could've been happy, but you just had to destroy it all, leave me empty and alone, and now I only feel… Cold. I feel so cold…"

But she does not get the chance to land the killing blow, and she never will. Something has taken her away and left something else in her place.

Hero: "Where'd she go? Should we try to find her? And is that a… mirror?"

Smitten: "No! Our beloved! You barbarians, look how angry you made her! We have to find her again, we have to apologise for so heinously abandoning her!"

Paranoid: "One danger gets replaced with another…"

Cheated: "We… we won. She's gone and we won!"

Hunted: "We escaped her, but we're not safe yet. Stay sharp."

Stubborn: "This was just getting real good, smash that mirror and find her again!"

Opportunist: "Go team! Now if I may make a suggestion, let's avoid that mirror."

Cheated: "We actually won! We won! We did it! We won and she lost!"

Skeptic: "But did we win? What was that entity that took her?"

Broken: "She'll be so angry when she sees us again… She'll do even worse to us, I just know it."

Cheated: "Don't care, we're the winners!"

Contrarian: "Didn't we lose a whole bunch too though? What's the score, you reckon?"

Cold: "It's 16 -1."

Cheated: "We won, we won, we won, we won! Take that, you stupid, cheating Princess, who's number one now? It's us! Woo!"