TW: Paternal abuse, hearing voices, religious delusion
If you don't want to read because of triggers, PM me and I will sum up what happens in this first section!
"We will grace you with the powers of the gods. All you must do is what we say. To have the powers of the gods, you must ascend. Ascending to godhood is achieved in very few ways. All but one are unachievable."
"To ascend, you must enter and win the Hunger Games. You must train, and dedicate yourself solely to prepare for them. This event is your only opportunity; you must not let it slip from your grasp."
"If you are not chosen, you will never ascend. You will perish, doomed to the Hells where you shall never escape. You are a descendant of the gods, you cannot fail. You must not tell a soul of our existence, one whisper and your soul shall be damned. Do what we say, and you shall live a life millions can only dare to dream of."
These were the words Aether first heard the day he turned eleven. Through his sobbing, longing for a brother who he would likely never see again, these words pierced him like a blade driven deep within his body.
"We are your allies, your friends," they whispered to him in the dark. "We will lead you to the life gods should live."
Aether was young, a child who knew no better. To him, these voices were real, their promises were his reality. He had no support to fight against these voices, his mother cared more about the alcohol in her hands than her young child's mental health. He knew he couldn't tell her, not simply because it would damn him, but because she would use it against him, ridicule and control him with what he told her.
His mother had an intense need for control. Without his younger brother there to pit him against, she grew obsessive and bitter. She controlled what Aether did at all times, how he did it and why he did it.
He wrote essays upon essays about why his father and Valor were terrible people, people who deserved to burn in the depths of hell.
Atlas and Valor are to be punished by the almighty gods.
Atlas and Valor must repent, lest their souls forever be damned to the hells.
Atlas and Valor are to suffer the anguish and agony they placed upon their wife and mother.
Words began to blend, the act of writing becoming a muscle movement. Sins and grievances began to change to praises and promises.
Aether had no choice in what he wrote, he did as his mother told him.
Shiloh, mother of Aether, shall be granted an eternal life of grace and resplendence.
Shiloh, mother of Aether, will ascend to the divine planes.
Shiloh, mother of Aether, shall remain with and advise the gods, and lead them onto a path of utmost righteousness.
The words were drilled into his memory, craved into his brain. Though he did not realise it, the intensity of his mother's anger, her obsession with control, might have been the reason his voices developed. Combined with the trauma of losing his brother and father, his mind dealt with it all in the only way it could.
It would be a long and arduous journey that Aether believed he was destined to walk to become who he truly was.
He would have the life he deserved, the one he was meant to live.
(Even if there was no such thing.)
(From the very beginning, Aether was doomed.)
"I think we should go on a massive spree through the city before we head off to the Capitol, Mr. Soon-to-be-Volunteer. Have our favourite foods, try new ones! We might die, which sucks, but if we do, at least we died knowing what every restaurant cuisine in One is like!" Ember happily suggested, taking down her ponytail and letting her hair fall free. She ran her hands through it, awaiting her friends' response.
They were off to a lake on the city's outskirts, one popular at this point in the year, just before summer began. After an intense training session, they wanted to let their hair down figuratively and literally.
"Bit excessive but I wouldn't be opposed to the idea," Aether commented, grinning ear to ear at the thought of tasting different foods.
"Ember, honey, we don't want both our district volunteers to be violently sick on the reaping day. Going to every restaurant is going to fuck him over, and make you crap through the night." Karma said bluntly, earning an elbow jab from his female friend.
"That's not-... I just want him to, like… he should try things before-..." Ember stumbled over her words, desperately seeking a rebuttal.
"He's right, Ember. We can try stuff when we get back, before the Victory tour so I remember all the tastes! Sound fair?" Aether responded, hoping she would take the alternative.
"Uuuuugh, fine! I woulda been out of the restaurant by three anyway."
"What? Why? You're the one who wants to go do this, why would you ditch us after, like, an hour?" Karma questioned.
"So you two can be gay and finally kiss!" Ember grinned widely, the joy of being a matchmaker filling her head with all sorts of ideas.
Both boys burned a bright red, though Aether was more silently flustered than one of his best friends.
"We- Ember, that's totally not what we- girl, what the hell are you talking about?" Karma stammered.
"Gods, you both are so obvious with your crushes that it's painful to watch you just verbally edge each other! Though, you'd like that, wouldn't you Ka-"
This earned a snort from Aether, who did not expect their small friend to be so forward about the two boys' crushes.
"Ember!" Karma yelped, clamping his hand over her mouth in an effort to subdue her.
Aether couldn't contain himself any longer, his snort replaced by a hearty, contagious laughter, beginning with Ember's words but continuing at the sight of Karma's (beautifully) scarlet face. Soon, the trio were in fits of laughter - even Karma despite his embarrassment.
"You can be such a brat Em…" Karma muttered as they all steadied themselves, unable to wipe the grin off his face.
"You still love me thooooough!" She mused as if singing a sweet melody, linking arms with her two friends.
(He loved these people so much. If he could, Aether would live in this moment forever. Pure, undiluted bliss and joy. With the two people, he considered his family. His real family.)
"Onto other matters, I'm guessing you're pretty confident they're going to pick you for volunteer tomorrow?"
Aether observed the scenery around them as he asked Ember her thoughts, ever vigilant in case of threats. Just because they were in One didn't mean there wasn't crime or danger.
"Or those who would seek to strike down a soon-to-be god in hopes of preventing him from reaching his full potential." His voices whispered into his ear, caressing his mind like a protective mother.
They had him in their grasp.
Aether believed blindly in their every word and followed every instruction they had for him. Their foul, inky claws were dug deep within his skin, and Aether didn't even want to resist. Didn't know any better after seven years.
"Oh, you KNOW it! How are you going to keep up buddy, with Ember Kensic storming her way through the Hunger Games, becoming as legendary as… as a historic new legend?" She paused for a moment, contemplating her words, "Yeah, a new legend! I like the sound of that, has a nice ring to it."
"I regret asking now." Aether snickered, catching sight of Karma rolling his eyes at their friend's theatrics.
"Remember child, if she is chosen for this, she will be competition against you. She, like all others, will stand in the way of your righteous path. You cannot allow her to stop you. End her pitiful life when the chance presents itself. It is the only way you shall ascend."
Aether's grin slowly left his face, uneasiness settling in the pit of his stomach as he silently listened to his best friend's chatter. It had been on his mind constantly, the closer tomorrow got. Tomorrow they would know who would be chosen, who had proven themselves to be the most competent and who would go into the arena.
In District One, The Career Panel were the deciders in who was picked to volunteer. All competitors had to enter themselves into the pool of contestants for the role of volunteer, both in a speech publically and in written form. After that, they underwent rigorous physical tests and a written test to ensure they knew their historical, survival and tactical knowledge.
He would usually obsess over the fact that if he wasn't chosen, he would have failed what he devoted his life to. That he would have lost his only chance at ascending to his true self. But as the days and nights passed, and the day drew closer, Aether found himself worrying more about whether Ember would be chosen to be District One's female volunteer alongside him. That he very well may have to kill one of his best friends. The anxiety gnawed away at him during the early hours of the morning, his voices always reminding him of what could come.
"You know, Aether and I made a deal not to fight or hurt each other until we're in the finale, if we both get chosen tomorrow. We gotta look ahead, make sure we're looking out for each other, right Aether?" Ember nudged his side, bringing him out of his thoughts and once again back to reality.
"Of course, we're not going to turn on each other in the arena. We only fight when we are the last ones alive, it makes logical sense. Plus, I'd rather put off fighting you as long as possible." A half-truth.
"We won't be able to predict what will be in there though. So, if we are chosen, we need to make sure we're prepared to face anything and everything. We can't afford to be thrown off or surprised."
He planned to stay true to their vow, until the very end. She was his friend, and when it came down to them, he would give her a merciful death, like any thoughtful god would.
"Enough of our future success! Let's go enjoy the sun and live while we can!" Ember cheered, grabbing the two boys' hands as they ran towards the lake.
With every step, Aether let his worries fade, let himself feel like any other teenager for a short while. After tomorrow, his fate would be sealed. He would have to volunteer the following month, be sent to accept his path ascension, and begin a new life. He would let his worries and his stress ebb away, just for today.
Today was about him and his friends. To make memories he would cling to when his ascension proved to be difficult. Memories would help him preserve, with a future one he hoped would go well.
The sun during their time at the lake was scorching, not a cloud in sight. It was glorious, it couldn't have been a more beautiful day, For April, it was stunning.
Evening was upon them, and Ember was sitting by the lake, chatting happily away to people who had also come.
Yapping, as she liked to say.
Aether and Karma sat silently on a wooden pier, their toes dipped in the water. Fireflies flew about, their light creating a picturesque scene for everyone. One firefly landed on the back of Aether's palm, its flickering little light feeling almost hypnotic.
"Such a measly lifeform. So small, so simple. To end its existence would be no more difficult than breathing."
Aether ignored the voices, allowing them to ramble on about his importance. About how he should be training until his muscles were screaming at him. He didn't want to listen to them right now, he wanted to live in the moment and feel normal for just one evening.
Karma wordlessly covered his hands over Aethers, spending a spark through him. He slowly parted his hands for both of them to peer down, admiring the little insect and its beauty. As it began to hover, Karma moved his hands away, allowing the creature to fly away
"Aether, I've been meaning to talk to you." The fireflies' light flickered all around them, lighting Karma's face in such a breathtaking way.
"What's up?"
"I… I know I talk a lot. I talk and talk, and talk. I can't help it, sometimes I wonder if I will just keep talking until I pass out from lack of air, but I talk so much because I'm anxious. Not like anxious anxious, if you get me? Um… Excited, buzzed kind of anxious. I feel that way every time I'm around you, you make me feel excited and alive! I want to feel that way all the time, every single day but I always get scared you'll find my ranting irritating or stupid. I'm doing it now, even though what I'm trying to..." Karma fell silent as Aether caressed his face, his thumb brushing against Karma's cheek.
He was stunning, angelic even. He adored every inch of him. His brown skin, his dark wavy hair in that curtain bangs style Aether said would look terrible, and his eyes. They could be pieces of amber, they held so much vibrancy.
"You know, I used to hate your ranting. Before we were friends, I used to think it was grating and infuriating when we were rivals. But now… now I wish I could listen to you forever. You and Ember, you guys are my world. But I want to leave One knowing I took this chance while I had it. And to know what I would have waiting once I came home."
Aether didn't wait any longer, didn't think about who saw, what his voices said as he leaned in and kissed Karma. It was a soft and gentle kiss, intended to be so if Karma wanted to pull away. But he didn't. He kissed Aether back, his hand finding the back of his neck.
This was bliss, it was like undiluted ecstasy in the form of a person. He would live in this moment forever, would let it repeat on an infinite loop if it were possible. He smiled against his lips, pulling Karma closer, wanted to feel closer to him and-
"FINALLY! They finally made out! It's a win for the gays, ladies and gents! It only took SEVEN years!" Ember yelled from across the lake, wearing a shit-eating grin as she - and a few other lakegoers - watched the pair.
They broke apart, faces red at the realization their best friend had been watching and waiting for this moment. Karma was the first to speak up, replying in the language their fiery friend knew best.
"Girl, shut up! As if you aren't as queer as the day is long! Come back after you get through that three-year situationship!"
With that, Ember was now the red one, her tan skin growing redder as she flipped off Atlas. Aether couldn't contain himself, he broke into a fit of laughter, so deeply amused by his two friends.
He loved them. They were his family, his life. Atlas… possibly his boyfriend? Whatever they would be, Aether didn't care. They were both his people. They made him feel like himself, like a human being. No matter what his mother or his voices told him, they would be here for him. He would treasure this moment for the rest of his life.
It would stay with him into and through the arena. Until he ascended or died trying. Clinging to this memory until his last breath.