Sorry for the long wait. I had most of this written already... but then my teaching assistant was in quarantine, I suddenly had half of my students in quarantine, lots of tests to correct, lots of other teachers to cover for, conferences, etc and barely any free time to write. However, I have almost all of chapter 89 and even parts of chapter 90 written already, so expect weekly updates in the foreseeable future :)

As always, read, enjoy and review :)

"This is it," said Harry, slipping the last of his pamphlets into an envelope and adding it to an enormous pile of letters in front of him.

"2,786 letters," said Neville, shaking his hands and moving his head from one shoulder to another to stretch his neck. "That should reach every household."

"It should," agreed Hermione, flexing her fingers. They had been writing and folding, opening and closing envelopes for hours. "But even if it doesn't, there's still the Quibbler and the Prophet. I doubt anyone who can read will be able to avoid it."

Time had flown by once the summer holidays had begun. 12 Grimmauld Place was full of life. Hermione had stayed with her family for only a week before she had joined Harry, Theo and Draco at Sirius' domicile. One Weasley or another was always around. Neville and his parents came to every Order meeting and often stayed for whatever meal followed. Half of the teachers attended Order meetings. It was almost like at Hogwarts but without classes.

"Are you finished?" Arthur Weasley stepped into the crammed kitchen, eyeing the piles and stacks of letters.

"Here's one more, Mr Weasley," said Astoria quickly, putting the last of her letters on the pile. "That's all of them."

It had been weeks since school had ended, but today was the first time that Astoria and Daphne had joined them at Grimmauld Place. Draco hadn't had the chance to talk to her yet, but Astoria acted as if nothing had happened in front of the others. She was friendly with Draco, but no more than that. Daphne, however, was another story entirely. She avoided Draco as much as she could and every interaction she could not avoid was icy and hostile.

"Thank you, dear," smiled Arthur. "Well done, everyone."

Draco glowered at him and his good mood but refrained from commenting. The "grown-ups" had decided to hold an important Order meeting, while the kids were left with a mundane task that could and should have been done by a house elf. Unfortunately, no one trusted Kreacher with any sensible information, and thus the golden trio, Neville, Theo, the Greengrass sisters and Draco were stuck with the task.

After their talk with Theo, Harry and Draco had proposed their idea of telling their side of the story at the next Order meeting. The Order had immediately agreed to it, but it had still taken them a few weeks to prepare everything. Hermione had somehow managed to get Rita Skeeter to write the story for them. How Hermione had managed that feat, however, was still a mystery to Draco.

The text Rita Skeeter had written was perfect. It told the story well and managed to not sound condescending.

They had indeed asked Xenophilius Lovegood to publish the story written by Rita Skeeter, which he had immediately agreed to. Draco remembered the interview Potter had originally given that had been published in the tabloid paper. And while that edition of the Quibbler had sold an impressive amount of copies, Draco knew that hardly any purebloods had bought it. But that was precisely the group they were aiming for.

Thus, the Order had decided to infiltrate the Prophet and publish the story there as well. That plan was highly risky, though. As a fail-safe, they had decided to also send the story in pamphlet form to every household individually via the Floo network. That way, truly everyone in Great Britain would read the story.

Arthur Weasley waved his wand, and all the envelopes flew into a bag he was holding, and of which Draco assumed that Arthur had put an Extension Charm on.

"This isn't going to be dangerous for you, is it?" asked Daphne.

Arthur smiled at her. "No. The Department of Magical Transportation is not particularly well guarded. And while the guys at the Floo Network Authority do take their job seriously, they also value their time off."

He then left, taking his bag with him.

Draco glanced at the clock. It was already well past 8 o'clock. The ministry was certainly empty by now and Arthur would not run too great a risk by going there at this time.

He excused himself and made his way towards the library. He had slipped Astoria a note during their tedious task – library talk? She had not looked at him after reading the note but had nodded.

And surely enough, a few moments after he had sat down on the sofa, Astoria appeared in the room.

"You wanted to talk?" she asked, her posture guarded. She walked up to the sofa but did not sit down. Instead she focused her attention on a little table next to the sofa, studying the book that someone had forgotten there. She had her arms folded in front of her.

"Yeah," Draco started, unsure how to deal with this aloof attitude that was so unlike anything he was used to from Astoria. He got up from the sofa, to be at least on eye level with her. "I have kept secrets from you and for that I want to apologize. I promise I will tell you the full truth now. I know you might still not want to have anything to do with me afterwards… maybe you'll hate me even more than you already do afterwards, but you deserve to know."

At that, Astoria did look up. "Draco, I don't-"

Draco shook his head and she fell quiet. "No, please. Just… just listen, okay? This is going to be difficult to understand…" He closed his eyes and inhaled and exhaled several times. He had been through this in his mind. From the moment he had decided that he would tell her, he had thought about how he could tell her. But he had never reached a satisfying conclusion and even if he had, his mind was drawing a blank. "I am not who you think I am."

Astoria raised an eyebrow but did not comment.

"I'm sure you heard that I've been… different. That I've changed. I know people told you things about me when you started hanging out with Daphne, me, and the rest of our group. That I was a git. That you should stay away from us – from me. That I tried to get Harry and his friends in trouble all the time. That I… called Hermione a… a mudblood. And thought the school… hell, the world, would be better off without people like her in it…"

Astoria's questioning gaze turned into one of worry and doubt. "But you don't, right?"

"No, I don't." Draco's eyes focused on the ground. He could stop now but then he would be lying to her again. "At least, not anymore."

He was scared how she would react to this. Her original self had had similar thoughts about muggles and muggle borns, even though they were much less extreme than his had been. They had gone through a similar painful process of recognizing and facing their own shortcomings.

This Astoria had recognized how wrong such a mindset was without going through a war. Or perhaps her original self had only developed it at Hogwarts, and Draco had somehow prevented her from doing so again. Either way, the Astoria in front of him was less likely to understand and accept Draco's violent past.

"So, it is true?" Astoria asked, sounding a bit skeptical. "What they say?"

Draco sighed. "Yes. All of it. I was terrible. A future Death Eater. Trying to pull others down with me. But I have changed. I truly have."

Astoria took a deep breath. She unfolded her arms and turned fully towards him. "I… I know. Will you tell me why?"

That was why they were here. Still, Draco could not bring himself to say it. He closed his eyes. "You will hate me."

He could feel a soft hand touch his. He looked up; Astoria was only inches away from him.

"I don't think I could ever hate you, Draco."

He squeezed her hand, taking comfort from the warmth, and hoped that what she said would remain true. "Do you know what time turners are?"

"Yes," replied Astoria, "but what does that have to do with anything?"

"I am not from this time. I am from several years into the future. A future in which we have married. In which we have a son. And a future in which you have died of the curse."

"What are you talking about?" Astoria asked, pulling her hand back. "Are you making fun of me? This is not funny."

Draco desperately wanted to reach for her hand, but he knew that she would need space to absorb what he was saying. "I love you, Tory. So much. I would never make fun of you. What I am saying is true. I could not live without you. I was a mess, a grieving mess. I would have sold my soul for another minute with you… It was selfish, I know, but when I was presented the chance to go back… how could I not?"

"I don't follow…" She took a step away from him.

"Theo is going to create a time turner. One that allows travelling back in time for more than just a few hours. One that allows you to go back several years. And that I did. I travelled back, and somehow, I ended up in my younger self's body. On the first day of my third year at Hogwarts. Your first day at Hogwarts."

"That's impossible." She shook her head, crossing her arms again. "You are lying."

"I wish it were so. But this is the truth."

Astoria looked at him, her gaze trying to spot signs of a lie.

"Think about it – it explains so much. This is why it looks like I've changed so suddenly. Why I know as much as I do. Why I excel in all my classes with hardly any studying. It's why I knew Sirius was not trying to kill Harry when every shred of evidence painted a different picture. It is also the reason why I spend so much time with Dumbledore. And it is the reason why the Dark Lord is so interested in me."

Astoria studied his face a little while longer, then closed her eyes, and after a moment she nodded her head, while a single tear rolled down her cheek. "So, everything you have ever told me about you," she opened her eyes again, looking directly at Draco, "everything I ever thought I knew about you – it's all lies?"

"No…" Draco took a step towards her, but she backed away from him, almost knocking over the table behind her.

"Do I even know you?" she asked. "I thought I did. But you are a complete stranger." Tears streamed down her face now.

"I am the same person I've always been to you. And I've been honest where I could."

A sob escaped her. "Don't talk about honesty. I've always known you've kept things from me. But I never pressed. I thought it was- I would have never guessed - How old are you even?"

"Does it really matter?" he asked, feeling uneasy.

"That's not for you to decide!" she cried. "When we started dating you should have told me! I had a right to know that the guy I fell in love with isn't just a year older than me!"

She panted for air after her little outburst, turning away from Draco.

"Age is more than just how many years your mind has lived," Draco replied after a while, hoping that she would draw the same conclusion that Neville had, and that he had come to accept over time.

Astoria shook her head, not turning around.

"I am sorry. I love you." Draco knew he was rambling, but he could feel her slipping away from him and he could feel his panic raising, drowning out rational thought. "All I ever wanted was to protect you. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know." She turned around again, facing him once more. "That much I have always known." She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "The problem isn't that I doubt your love for me. It's also not the fact that you want to protect me that I have a problem with – it's that you made decisions about my welfare without consulting me at all!" Her voice did not rise as she said this, but her small hand struck the surface of the table with a surprisingly loud bang. "That was an insult to both my courage and my intelligence. And you lied to me. Relationships are about trust. And that you have kept this from me… shows me that not only can I not trust you, you also don't seem to trust me."

Draco swallowed over a lump in his throat. "I- I- You are right." And he did not know what else to say. He had apologized several times already. He had told her that he hadn't meant to hurt her and that he still loved her. But ultimately, none of that had been the problem, and repeating himself would not change the problems that they had. "Where do we go from here?"

"I… I don't know. I don't know what to think or feel." She sighed and slumped down on the sofa. When she continued talking, none of the earlier anger was left and she only sounded weary. "I love you. I really do. And I miss you. But I am angry and confused, and I feel betrayed. I don't know if time will be enough to heal this rift between us… I don't know if I'll be able to trust you again. And the whole age thing… I'll need time to sort out my own feelings."

"I- I understand," Draco said, feeling numb and cold. "Take as much time as you need. Whatever decision you'll reach, I will respect. If you have any questions… I'll answer them. Or maybe you'd rather not talk to me, in that case you can ask Neville-"

"Neville? He knows?" But before he could answer, she added, "Of course he does."

Draco nodded. "He figured it out after the fight with Pettigrew." He sank down on the sofa as well, not quite next to her.

Astoria mulled this over. "How?"

Draco felt like the world around him was spinning, but he had told her this much already. And he had promised to be honest. And even though he knew he was pushing her further away with every word, on some level it felt good, it felt right, to finally be honest with her. To finally have her see him for who he truly was. "I tortured him," he whispered, and the guilt he felt was real. He had wished Pettigrew death after he had attacked Astoria, and his personal feelings had not changed. But he hated the man he had been in those short few moments. A man, taking pleasure out of torturing one who was already down. A man, ready to kill. "He had almost killed you that night, would have had Snape not been there, and I… I lost control. I used an Unforgiveable. And Neville saw."

Astoria stared at him, mouth hanging open but unable to form a reply.

"Perhaps I haven't changed all that much after all," Draco continued with a crooked smile.

"Don't say that," said Astoria. "You are a good person."

"I haven't even told you what I've done in the other timeline."

"I can make an educated guess," Astoria replied. "You became a Death Eater when You-Know-Who returned?"

Draco nodded.

"I always knew you carried around a lot of pain and remorse... At least now I know why."

"You don't sound mad?"

Astoria looked at him. "I am not. Not about this. I know you are not that person anymore. I know you regret what you have done. And I know you are trying to make amends. There is nothing more anyone could ask of you."

Draco smiled, feeling a little lighter. "I was an idiot for ever believing you would hate me for this."

Astoria frowned. "The other me must have accepted it. Why did you think I would react differently?"

That was a good question, Draco thought. He should have had more faith in his wife. He knew she was incredibly kind and always ever saw the best in people, but he had been too afraid of losing her a second time to risk it. Perhaps it had little to do with Astoria herself. Perhaps it all came down to his own insecurities. "I had lived a very lonely life before I got to know you. I never had any true friends and my relationship with my family had grown very… complicated. I have learned the hard way that I am not a particularly lovable person and that showing others my true self will only turn them away from me. And when you can't even love and forgive yourself… it is hard to believe that someone else can."

"Oh Draco," sighed Astoria. "I see you. I finally see you. And even though we are not together now, it is not because you do not deserve love. I hope you will be able to forgive yourself one day. You deserve to be happy, and to be loved."

It took all of Draco's strength to fight the tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes.

Astoria smiled at him, then she stood up. "It's getting late, I should go find Daphne. Don't worry, I will keep your secret. But I hope you know that she wouldn't hate you either, if you told her. None of your friends would." And with that, she was gone.

TBC

"Astoria always knew that she was not destined for old age. She wanted me to have somebody when she left, because... it is exceptionally lonely, being Draco Malfoy." I don't particularly like Cursed Child, but I love every scene in which Draco talks about Astoria. Or about his son. Or his feelings.

I have most of the next chapter written already (originally as part of this chapter) but the talk with Astoria took up more time and space than I had anticipated and this seemed like a good place to end the chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. And that all my Draco/Astoria fans aren't too upset that they aren't back together yet.

Let me know what you think with a review. And have a nice weekend :)