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CHAPTER 3
2-10-2184
[ HADES GAMA | MIGRANT FLEET ]
OPERATIONAL PROCEDURE: ELECTROSTATIC SATURATION: ATMOSPHERIC DISCHARGE
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Juel'Kaan vas Neema nar Gognimae was a man that had a lot to him. But he didn't reveal much. Other than a handful of those aboard the Neema, they only knew him from afar and through fleeting pleasantries exchanged in the hallways or lab.
He didn't have many friends, a reality that Juel suspected was a product of his own making. Whether this isolation was intentional or a subconscious act, he couldn't rightly say.
Reserved as he was, that didn't make him unlikeable. Far from it, in fact. Everyone knew Juel'Kaan around here. He was important. And he spent most of his time within the confines of what, ultimately, amounted to his lab.
It was a great getup.
But that changed about a few days ago.
One day, while he busily and quietly assembled himself a fusion core injector, in popped a woman by the astonishing name of Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Vas Neema, now.
Suddenly, his space had to be shared with someone he barely knew, save for the formidable reputation she'd built from her acts of service to the galactic community. The galaxy-saving and all that.
Did he mention she was Admiral Zorah's daughter? He supposed that much was obvious.
What a weird turn from the day to day. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to feel privileged or worried about someone breathing down his neck now. If not from her, then all the people she knew.
Look. Juel was a pretty easygoing person. But his life? It had enough surprises in it. He was content with what he'd carved for himself on the Neema. With his lab. And his things.
The last thing he wanted was to be thrust into some kind of weird dynamic where the entire admiralty board would eventually want to know who he was, what he did, and, god forbid, the very toilet he used on the daily.
As much as it sounded like complaining, he wasn't. He didn't hold any preconceived expectations of Tali'Zorah vas Neema.
But, from what he gathered, she had a bit of a chip in her visor. Reserved and maybe even distracted. It carried a little bit of familiarity. Something that he could recognize. 'Heroes' were anything but unscathed. Their valor often masked something deep. Whether it be sacrifice, loss, or both, it was usually hidden beneath a stoic veneer.
"Tali?" he said to get her attention. Clearly, she didn't hear him. She kept tapping away, looking largely absent of what was going on around her.
A little frown, he closed the space and touched her shoulder. "Uh. Tali."
"Oh." Tali stood rigid and whirled around, "Juel, I—sorry."
"It's fourth shift," He turned away from her and went toward the table centered in the room to resume what he'd been working on for days now. "Surprised you're here. I thought engineering had a part-time spot for you this half of the day?"
"Not yet, no."
"Ah. Well. What are you doing?"
"Just getting my bearings." Tali murmured, looking elsewhere as if she was hoping something else could catch her eye.
"Ah." He said, already half paying attention, "Well. Admiral Raan dropped something off in your room."
"Huh? What?" She stammered, omni-tool lit to check her messages and calls, "I...—why didn't she just come and find me?"
"Said she didn't want to interrupt anything." Was his answer. Admiral Raan insisted he say it this way.
"Uh." She sniffed, "Well. Okay. I guess I should go then."
"Alright." He tried with a tight smile, "See you around."
She logged off the little terminal, shouldered her tote, and walked out of the lab.
The Neema had been a very inviting ship. The people here were kind and she absorbed into the crew quite nicely. Engineering was competent. Operations and logistics did their job. Security looked well equipped, and the normal inhabitants were always busy tinkering away building and fixing.
She would always miss the Normandy. But it really wasn't that bad here. The life aboard the Neema was tolerable.
"Hi, Tali!"
"Hi, Jak."
"How are you, Tali?"
"I'm okay, Ulric."
"Hey, Tali."
"Hello, Mirah."
She had to pause from younglings running past her. She took a left. Then a right. Finally, she reached a ladder and descended one step at a time until she reached the deck that she called home.
More people. More noise. It was a comforting and tame ambience.
When she approached her room, she yanked the curtains aside and was caught off guard. Regardless, she set down her bag of belongings and willed herself to smile. You could always tell how your words sounded just by that and she didn't want to be giving any immediate impressions.
"I didn't expect you to be the thing you left in my room." Tali said.
"I wanted to surprise you." Shala murmured quietly before standing to hug Tali. She accepted the embrace graciously and probably squeezed the admiral a little tighter than what was comfortable.
"Well. I'm here." Tali said as they separated. "Juel said you had something to give me?"
"No." She said, raising a hand to mollify her intent, "I actually just wanted to talk and follow up with you."
"Oh," Tali rose a single brow, "What did you have in mind? Anything you need help with?"
"Oh, no, sweetie." She said in a disarming way, "I just wanted to see you."
"Oh."
"How are you? Truly? I knew what you were up to. Not many of us make it on vids. Seeing you in the news as often as you were had me worried." She fixed Tali's realk a bit and brushed away a dot of fuzz clinging to her chest. "It's just so good to know you're safe and okay."
Tali wanted to tell her that she might've been safe, sure. But saying she was okay was a stretch. She was alive. But her scars, invisible and deep, ones that ached with every breath, were still there.
Whatever words of reassurance she'd planned to utter couldn't leave her lips. Instead, a more sincere reflection surfaced. "I'm managing." She admitted, tone mixed with gratitude and unrest, "Safe, yes. Inside? No."
Shala didn't have to know where that struggle was coming from. She was aware of John'Shepard's demise. Aware of the Normandy's end. Tali wasn't going to walk away from that without scars.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Tali. Words cannot measure the grief you feel, I know."
"It's worse than that." Tali said meekly; surprised at herself how she managed to talk about it so easily, "I lost more than family."
Her head fell, eyes fixed to the floor. "I lost the man I loved."
That was... quite the curveball for Shala. She didn't expect Tali to say that last part.
She fell in love with someone? Was it...?
No. It couldn't be. But maybe...?
"Who, Tali?"
The stare Tali gave was the only answer Shala needed to see.
Okay. Wow. Shala didn't expect to hear something like that from Rael's daughter.
"Oh, my child." Shala, stricken with grief regardless of where the love had budded, coaxed Tali to sit next to her on the bed. "I cannot imagine the pain you must feel."
Tali sat and they both bounced slightly from the coils inside the mattress.
"I don't even know what to say." She murmured quietly, "I don't even know what to do."
"Only time can make the pain fade, I'm afraid." Shala's hands grasped both of Tali's shoulders as they sat next to each other, her eyes trying to meet hers. Tali's stare, however, was averted and transfixed on nothing.
"No. I don't want—" Tali tried to breathe in slowly, but her chest trembled, "I don't want it to fade. Letting it fade feels like I'm—" Tali was struggling to pick out the right words, "Feels like I would be trying to erase him."
"It's not about making him disappear. It's about holding onto all of who he was while finding a way in your heart to move forward."
"That's leaving him behind," She felt herself falling, "—...I can't."
Shala shook her head in a caring way. "My dear. Goodbyes aren't the end. It's taking his spirit and letting it inspire a life ahead."
Silence ensued. Tali lost herself in the moment and began to drown in her self-imposed emotional sea. The quiet between them stretched. Sensing the chasm of grief that swelled inside the grieving woman and the untold story of what lurked beneath, Shala held her grasp even tighter and didn't let go.
"I didn't even get to say goodbye." She choked out in a voiceless mutter, "He died and I didn't get to say goodbye."
For an instant, a chill whispered through Tali, grazing her fragile heart with the touch of a searing frost. Shala found herself enveloped in a silence thick with disbelief.
Pilgrims often came back from their journey a different person. Many returned, emboldened by growth, hardship, and newfound wisdom. While others would bear the weight of experiences less kind.
But Tali—in her odyssey across the cosmos, emerged through her crucible in ways no one could've anticipated. Her selflessness ultimately led her to this path. Led her to the Normandy and its cause.
Her return had left her shattered and undone. Had left her with a haunting depth to her gaze, one that dwelled in a despairing abyss. Her rewards for a campaign of self-abnegation to a greater purpose.
Shala felt this cowardly impulse to run from the unseen chill around Tali's petrified heart. She could feel it pierce her own—a rime of coldness that burned. There was no denying its presence.
Shala stomped that feeling away and, with deliberate gentleness, drew herself into a kneel below Tali so she could meet that empty gaze of hers. "Rest, my dear. You're in need of a respite far deeper than the soul can readily embrace."
"Keelah Se'lai," Tali said reflexively through a whisper, "Thank you. For coming by... to talk."
"Of course, my child."
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3-12-2184
[ ARTEMIS TAU SYSTEM | MIGRANT FLEET ]
OPERATIONAL PROCEDURE: RESOURCE HARVEST
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One long and empty month passed by.
A blur of monotonous routine for Tali. One day bleeding into the next, it had become a grey wash of hours filled with work and hardly a word spoken to anyone. It was aslo a quiet month. Full of silence, save for the hum of their machines and the occasional murmur of those passing by.
Her world soon narrowed, a home turned prison where she toiled away, mind reduced to tedium. She barely noticed the time slipping by—mind lost to a fog of what had essentially amounted to basic assembly and learning more of the Neema's operations and its function within the Heavy Fleet.
It was an odd rhythm to settle into; one where her first friend here was born more out of necessity rather than choice. It was a step up from coexistence, she supposed.
She also had hardly learned much of Juel since her entry to the Neema. Though, she figured, the same could be said of her. Time undoubtedly, at some point, would likely reveal more.
One thing she did appreciate about the man was the mutual aloofness between them. He didn't pry. He didn't ask questions. He just worked and tinkered most of the time.
But, for as much as she did value that kind of dynamic, it did little to heal or address what remained—rot rooted to the core of her heart. A sick sadness that still encroached. A cancer that annexed what little was left of her slowly dying soul.
She didn't know where to turn. She didn't know what to do. So when she saw on the roster an upcoming operational procedure to strip a planet for resources, she signed her name in under Juel's for participation so she could go planetside and distance herself from the confines of this place in some convoluted attempt to escape the walls that continually closed in on her.
So here they were. Over land and under sun.
"Are we done here?"
"Yup," He said, packing away his core sampling drill amongst all his other tools in his issued geo-pack, "We got our samples for the digheads. They'll like what we've found, I think."
She only nodded her agreement.
They continued their walk inside the hall of this secluded gulch. Shafts of light danced upon the floor from the broken canopy above, bathing the cave in a serene glow while a mild breeze brought in an inviting warmth from the sun's rays. Amidst the soft sand and old stone, both warm in the sun and cool in the shade, sparse grasses and weedy flora carved their existence, painting the innards in a medley of greens.
It was all so tranquil and calming to be around. A natural sanctuary, Tali decided. A quiet and placid beauty to behold.
She almost didn't come down here. Was fighting internally, even before departure, her reluctance to board the ship that would take them down to this beautiful earth. She was glad she forced herself to go. If nothing else, it really was a good break from routine.
"I'm glad I came." She said aloud, hand caressing the smooth caramel stones layered by strata as she passed by, "I think this is good for me."
"It is. The lab turns your brain to pudding. Makes it nice and smooth. It's proven science, you know." Juel said.
"Oh, I'm sure." She rasped.
"What? You don't believe me? You don't think 13 hours a day in a lab gives you a smooth brain?"
"Mm."
"I told you, it's science. If you did 14, it'd look like yogurt."
Her eyes got a little flat from the awful banter. "Okay."
"I'm honestly surprised you wanted a break," Juel said, never one to miss a beat, "It's not a well kept secret. People notice. I'm dumping the recycle bin twice a day from the amount of paste packs and spent supplies you're tossing away."
She didn't say anything from what she knew was just a benign jab. yet, in its mirth, all it did was strip her naked of what lay beneath. The sick and morbid entity that was drowning her.
What were two pairs of feet walking in the sand only became one. Hearing the desync, Juel paused and turned around to find her staring mirthlessly at the ground.
"...Tali?"
"I hardly notice the time passing." She whispered, "When I'm there, working, I—...I feel like I'm on the Normandy. Closer to—..."
She couldn't will herself to finish that sentence. He stood still and stared.
She pulled up her hands and pressed them against the sides of her head. "I'm suffocating."
Her tired eyes withered into a desolate wince and she dropped her arms back to where they were supposed to go. She couldn't bear to face him, so she turned around, back facing him, arms woven around her chest, holding desperately onto what was spilling out.
"I thought I could escape it down here." She looked up at the sky and then to Juel from over her shoulder for a quick second, a streak gleaming from her face as the sun pierced her visor, "But it's not working. It's all so beautiful and I still can't help but remember them all—I can't get him out of my head."
"Tali, I— I didn't realize." He tried to reach out to her arm as if he could contain what spilled open. "I'm sorry."
She spun around, shook her head, and stepped back, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. "How could you? I barely understand it myself. It's like I'm chasing ghosts. I don't even know what for. Why? Why is this happening?"
The weight of her words hung heavy. And for a moment, the serene beauty of the gulch felt harrowing. Mocking her with its heavenly glow as a caustic reminder that peace refused to have her.
"I'm sorry, Juel." She sniffled, "I shouldn't have—"
He didn't try to reach out to her. He understood that's not what she needed or wanted. She just needed him in the company of silence. Being alone sometimes helped. But not all the time. Before he decided to shut up and seal his lips, he gave her a few words.
"—I know what you're going through." Juel said carefully, witnessing at long last her unresolved grief, "And... I'm not going to give you some garbage pep talk about how things get better. Never worked for me. Always found them a bit detaching."
She didn't say anything.
"Come on. We can walk the rest of the way in silence."
She breathed in as deeply as she could to keep the malignant shadow at bay. "Okay."
Soon enough, only the sound of footsteps and ruffling grass in the breeze was there to keep them company. After their short trek, he took the rope they'd used to climb down here into his hands and gave it a gentle tug to make sure it was still secure. "Would you like to go first?"
She received a message and she looked down to see where it was coming from.
"No. Go ahead." She said quietly.
"Alright."
He began his ascent and left her alone with nothing but a single ray of sunshine to keep her company.
She opened the email and saw that it was from Liara.
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ꜰʀᴏᴍ: ʟɪᴀʀᴀ
sᴜʙᴊᴇᴄᴛ: ʜɪ. (ɢᴀʀʀᴜs ɪs ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏᴏ)
ʜᴇʏ ᴛᴀʟɪ. ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴏᴜʙᴛᴇᴅʟʏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ɴᴏᴡ. ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ꜰɪɴᴅs ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʟʟ. ᴋɴᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ, ɪ'ᴍ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇᴡᴇsᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅs sᴛᴏʀɪᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀᴡᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ.
ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ sʜɪᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ɪs ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʟʟ. ɢᴀʀʀᴜs ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴀʀᴇ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ. ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ᴏɴ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪɴᴄʀᴇᴅɪʙʟʏ ɪᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏᴘᴇɴʟʏ ᴅɪsᴄᴜss.
ɪ ᴍɪss ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴏʀᴍᴀɴᴅʏ, ᴛᴀʟɪ. ɪ ᴍɪss ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛᴀᴄᴋᴇʀ. ᴋᴀɪᴅᴇɴ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʙʀᴀᴠᴇ sᴏᴜʟs ᴡᴇ'ᴠᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙɪᴅ ꜰᴀʀᴇᴡᴇʟʟ ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏᴜʀsᴇ, ɪ ᴍɪss ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀᴏꜰᴏᴜɴᴅʟʏ.
ɢᴀʀʀᴜs sᴀʏs ʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴇs ᴛᴏᴏ. ᴡᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴇʀʏ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ, ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴋᴀʏ. ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ sᴀꜰᴇ. ᴀs ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴇɪɴɢ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰʟᴏᴛɪʟʟᴀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴʟʏ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴀᴄᴇ! ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ɪᴛ. ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴇᴀʀɴᴇᴅ ɪᴛ.
ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟꜰ, ᴛᴀʟɪ. ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs. ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘs, ɪɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀs ᴡɪʟʟ ᴀʟɪɢɴ ꜰᴏʀ ᴜs ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ.
ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʟʟ ᴍʏ ᴀꜰꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴏᴘᴇs ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇss ᴀɴᴅ sᴀꜰᴇᴛʏ,
-ʟɪᴀʀᴀ (ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴀʀʀᴜs)
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"What could you two possibly be up to...?" She murmured, fingers absently coiled around the rope. It stirred nothing but unease for how out of place the message was. She sighed. Liara wouldn't be sending anything like that unless if it was important. Or maybe it wasn't important and it was just some silly private investigation and prothean archeology mashup. Who knew. Filing away the thought, she started to climb.
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A few hours hours later.
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Juel perched himself atop a craggy outcropping and swept his gaze across the expansive vista below. The rugged terrain stretched endlessly, punctuated by jagged peaks and deep valleys. He glanced at his altimeter and noted their ascent at over 8,000 galactic standard renth units. For humans, that was around 8,500 feet.
It was quite the climb. A rigorous challenge even for seasoned hikers. Which Juel and Tali were neither. It was a pretty serene and rejuvenating experience for the mind and body; even if she was pretty spent by the end of it.
Beside him, Tali emerged, her gait careful and deliberate as she navigated the uneven boulders. Drawing close, she crossed her arms tightly around her chest, a poor barrier against the chilly air, and joined him in viewing the vast panorama. The landscape was picture perfect. Captured everything you'd expect from a garden world's natural beauty and harsh wilderness. It was awing and even a little somber.
Minutes trickled by, each second carried in shared silence. The tranquility was only disturbed by the sudden proliferation of flares, their colors painting the sky in vivid columns.
Tali, piqued by the spectacle, turned to Juel. "Lots of colors. What do they mean?"
Juel, with his eyes still fixed on the horizon, answered. "Different mineral."
She looked back at it all. "Pretty."
"Yeah." He breathed in agreement, "It's pretty."
"I'm guessing that our blue flare means platinum."
"Yup. Lets the mineheads know by sight alone where to go. Low tech. Cheap to make."
Above them, the Migrant Fleet adorned the heavens, a constellation of both ships and stars that stretched from every corner of the horizon.
"I'm sorry about earlier," she said with a voice that couldn't have passed above a whisper.
He kicked some pebbles at his feet, hands on his hips. "I know." Was his soft reply, "And I'm not being empathetic here. I really understand. I get it."
"Did you lose someone?"
The hands didn't leave his waist and he looked up blankly at the evening sky. "Yeah. I did. I've been there. Been in that hole."
She gave him silence as her reply.
"Still in that hole." He mustered with a quiet sigh.
They stood together and they both held their stare up at the nothingness.
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Codex Entryㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
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Acrid Dynamics Miner Flares-Series 50 (ADMF-50) [Pronounced 'addmifs' for short)- was developed as a cheap and highly visible source of communication for miners signaling ferrying vessels or VTOLs . The ADMF-50 Flares come equipped with micro eezo cores to help stabilize and concentrate flare emission for better dispersal.
Nature's Galactic Preservation Act (N.G.P.A.) Notice: Many forms of local fauna (Namely organisms no smaller than the typical insect of 8 cm [3gh, 4ijh, 6tta] or less) can become trapped in the small vortex caused by ADMF-50 operation. Please be wary of extended use. [Please refer to galactic almanacs for worlds or locations that prohibit the use of ADMF-50 flares]
WARNING: EXERCISE CAUTION ON USE OF ADMF-50 FLARE. VIOLENT WILDLIFE ON SOME PLANETS (REFER TO MANUAL FOR REFERENCE OF PLANETS) CAN, UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS, BECOME ATTRACTED TO FLARE EMISSION. ENSURE THAT YOU ARE SAFE AND/OR ARMED.
Nature's Galactic Preservation Act (N.G.P.A.) Notice: Unnecessary discharge of firearms against local fauna is illegal. Please exercise goodwill when handling or discharging firearms.