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CHAPTER 5
6-1-2184
[ GEMINI SIGMA | JULAS CLUSTER | MIGRANT FLEET | MFS NEEMA ]
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You know what Tali liked?
Tea.
The good kind. The sort brewed from herbs nurtured in the careful embrace of a garden world's rich soil, far from the sterile confines of hydroponic ducts and the soulless synthesis of a lab. It might share the taste, carry the same fragrance, mirror the appearance – indeed, seem indistinguishable in every aspect from its soil-cultivated counterpart – yet, it lacked the essence, the whispered stories of sun and rain.
She cradled the warm mug tenderly between both hands, and drew in its sweet aroma with a sigh at how she could imagine through scent alone the tales of distant, sun-drenched fields.
Poised to bestow a soft but careful kiss to savor its sugary and mild notes, her father emerged, his shadow casting over her.
"Tali." Her father greeted.
"...Dad?" The mug waned away from her lips, the steam's caressing touch disappearing. "—Hi?"
He sat down on the sofa and delicately reached for the mug in her hands before setting it down on the coffee table.
"Um... Okay...?" Tali's stare finally left the cup, "...Yes?"
"Tell me about John."
Tali immediately frowned.
"What?"
"John." Rael repeated, "Tell me about him."
She stared dumbly at him with a perplexed look on her face. "—Uh... Well—"
"—Stop stammering."
"Sorry. You just caught me off guard."
"Maybe the vid-screen is distracting you? I know you adore the soap operas at nine."
She stared at the large vid-screen and the opening sequence of the soap opera in question. "...I do?"
"Of course." He smiled, or as faintly as one ever could smile, and turned off the vid-screen before looking out the window to the cityscape, "The one with the human and quarian falling in love."
"...? —Erhm..."
"How could you not remember?" Her father continued before staring toward the kitchen to his wife, "Honey! You know Tali loves the soaps at nine right?"
"Of course. And she has to watch it with her favorite tea every day." Tali's mother peeped her head out from the kitchen to look at her husband, "Would you like some, Rael?"
"That's okay. I have coffee in my office." Her father turned back to face Tali, "Now, tell me about him."
"Well. He's smart... and strong... and courageous..."
"A soldier, if I remember."
"Mhmm." Tali agreed with a nod. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater up higher to her elbows. Keelah, she hated it when her sleeves went past her wrists, "And I spent almost my entire pilgrimage with him."
Rael reached for the magazine that was sitting on the coffee table and couldn't help but frown at its picture. "Why do you like this soap, Tali? It's rubbish."
Tali didn't know why, but she felt quite offended by his rude pass of opinion. So offended in fact, that she felt it necessary to argue. "No, it's not! It's a fantastic story, dad."
"But the quarian is falling for a human. Odd. Don't you think?"
"What's wrong with that?"
"It's not natural."
There was a pregnant pause and her eyes began to harden. "Where are you getting at with this?"
"I don't like your relationship with John." Her father admitted finally, his smile finally wavering, "It may work on the vids, but not in real life."
Tali felt a knot grip her stomach. Just as she expected. Another facade to get in close and destroy her hopes and dreams again. Her mother must've overheard from the kitchen. But like always, she stayed out of these arguments to keep the peace for dinner later.
"...What do you want me to say, dad?" Tali nearly whispered as she felt herself sweat slightly.
"You need to stop pursuing a relationship with him, Tali. He's not your future."
"Worth pursuing? Not my future?" She pulled away from her space on the sofa to distance herself from him, "Who are you to tell me what my best interests are?"
"Because I'm your father." He said sternly, his hard-jawed frown and icy eyes holding firmly against her, "There are a lot of things you don't see now that will affect you both later in life."
"Is that not every relationship?" Tali countered, "You don't think I've already considered these possibilities? Or the consequences?"
"You don't have to consider them at all anymore, Tali." Rael said, standing up, "I've already told him you're no longer allowed to see each other."
"What?"
"You cannot see him anym—"
"—How could you?" She stood up immediately and felt her eyes brimming with hot tears.
The way her shoulders shook told her she was already well into sobbing, "Is this some kind of... joke?"
"No, Tali. It's not."
She cupped her hands against her face and wiped away the tears from her eyes.
"Had I known earlier Tali, that you were this intimate with a human? I would've stopped this long before it had gotten this far." He explained with his even glare.
"I can— can't believ— you don't even have the decency to mind my privacy do you? What'd you do? Look through my omni-tool? My computer?"
"No. It was the message from Garrus. Your turian friend. The one with John's last message as he died."
Her world crashed down upon her.
Yet another dream. Cruel and unyielding.
The comfort of a sweater and jeans dissolved away, revealing the shelled prison she was always bound to.
The metropolis dimmed. The living room vanished.
Floating in nothingness, her mother stared emptily at her daughter while she withered away back to the realm where she had so long resided.
Darkness swallowed the dream whole and the dysfunctional utopia was gone.
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She opened her eyes and was greeted to the Neema's ambience.
There was a subtle conversation just outside her dwelling. She couldn't quite tell if it were Olasie or Enyah out there speaking with one of the other neighbors.
Coolant pipe nine that ran along the ceiling tremored. Fuel inductor four, the smallest of a dozen on this side of the Neema, whirred to dump solvents into a tank.
Just as Tali settled in to try and snooze a little while longer, she heard soft footsteps approach her little home.
"Hey, Tali," Olasie called from outside Tali's drapes, "You awake?"
Oh, no. Conversations first thing in the morning. No matter who, it wasn't something she wanted to be engaging in right now.
"...Ugh."
"I know, I know." Olasie apologized, "I'm sorry. I know it's early, but Juel's at the table and he's incensed about—" She stopped talking and took a breath. Tali, with her crabby and tired face, blinked like a weary frog.
"—Well, it's probably better if it comes straight from him."
Tali hadn't moved a muscle, eyes closed again. "...Come in. Both of you."
"You sure?"
"Keelah, yes. Just come in."
Tali heard the curtains get pulled across their crossbar and some footsteps.
"Good morning." Juel said nicely, sitting down at her desk.
"Do you know what time it is?" Tali whispered in a quiet squeak.
"...Thirty minutes before your shift?"
"What do you want to show me."
"That would require eyes."
She blinked them warily and caught his gaze.
"Tell me it's important at least." She said flatly, still snug as a bug in a rug.
"It is. Tali. I think I'm..." Juel sighed and his voice cracked, "retarded."
Olasie sneezed from how stupid that was and Tali groaned.
Juel straightened himself. "Alright, let's get serious now. It's an article I found on reddit. I wanted to show you."
Her eyes narrowed to slits, regretting at this very moment ever showing him that stupid website. "You wake me thirty minutes before I'm supposed to. Just to show me something on reddit."
"Yes."
Tali looked at Olasie and the woman shrugged. "He told me the same: That it was important."
Tali sighed, finally sat upright in her bed, groggily one should add, and urged for Juel to hand her the laptop.
When he did, she started reading the article.
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A.N.N.ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
-BREAKING: HUMAN SETTLED COLONY ALLEGEDLY DISAPPEARS. NO TRACE OF COLONISTS' WHEREABOUTS-
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ Posted: 6/1/2184 by Luke Hilliard
Alliance authorities are currently investigating a colony bordering the Traverse in the Swampea Cluster and their findings prove quite troubling.
The city of New Sierra, known for its rich platinum boom of 2174, culture, and its Capital of Oman, has disappeared. Or the entire population of over three hundred thousand people at least. While no evidence suggests what happened here, many experts turn toward the possibility of mass suicide. However, the last confirmed mass suicide of this scale was in 2100 in the multi-cultural city of Saleh within the Kaloo Nebulae from religious fanaticism; all before humans had entered the galactic stage.
What makes this more troubling is that there are no bodies or any confirmed signs of struggle.
"They're gone. As if they got up and left to leave for another planet." Says Lieutenant Motorola; a member of an Alliance division for Colonization Efforts, "Everything's normal. Except for, you know, the lack of people."
As stated previously, any evidence that could indicate the specific whereabouts of the missing population has yet to be found.
Alliance News will provide more updates as the situation progresses.
[End of Article]
Topics other viewers found interesting:
➊Life After War: Retired Sergeant reveals his life as a soldier and his experience during the Battle of the Citadel.
➋ Economic Leap: Volus expedites Yandé trade agreement between salarians and turians: A marked increase in comparison to last fiscal year.
➌ Omega Revisited: Was it the same as it was ten years ago?
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COMMENTS (40k)
sᴏʀᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ: [ᴛᴏᴘ] ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛs|
ㅤ ArCHmster89 | 6 hours ago:
ㅤ experts.. riiiiight. Snce when did teh
ㅤ alliance ever get anythin g right when
ㅤ it comes 2 colonize or science they
ㅤ all probably got taken by pirates
ㅤ Battarrian ones maybe the alliance
ㅤ kiled them those bastards
ㅤ ▲1,305 ▼10,034
ㅤㅤ Numberwhiles | 6 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀɢᴏ | In reply to ArChmster89:
ㅤㅤ What the hell is this? Would it fucking kill
ㅤㅤ you to spend the extra eight seconds it
ㅤㅤ would take to proof read this shit smear of
ㅤㅤ a run-on sentence?
ㅤㅤ ▲6,502 ▼885
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ Dickerface | 6 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀɢᴏ:
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ Numberwhiles. It be a lost cause.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ Though honestly, reddit's becoming a real
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ shit-show with this YouTube integration
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ bullshit.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ▲4,233 ▼614
[sᴇᴇ 1,307 ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇs]
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ㅤHornyPony|8|Porndaddy | 5 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀɢᴏ:
ㅤ Chilling to think of. Hope they find out what
ㅤ happened. If I remember correctly, there's an
ㅤ active volcano about seventy or eighty miles
ㅤ away from the settlement. Maybe they all
ㅤ jumped in or something. Source: I've visited
ㅤ there about eight years ago.
ㅤ (Holy shit I'm glad I'm not there now. AMA)
ㅤ EDIT #1: You guys are fucking nuts.
ㅤ EDIT #2: STOP. PLS. MY INBOX
ㅤ▲8,302 ▼612
ㅤㅤJigglyMarshmallow | 4 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀɢᴏ | In reply to HornyPony|8|Porndaddy:
ㅤㅤ You make a very valid point with the volcano,
ㅤㅤ but I'm obligated to disagree with you because
ㅤㅤ your name is Horny Pony Porn Daddy. #Sorry
ㅤㅤ▲9,086 ▼658
[sᴇᴇ 8,200 ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇs]
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ㅤBigbutts&Pussy | 4 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀɢᴏ:
ㅤ omg. pray for these ppl. god bless them
ㅤ▲1,402 ▼1,790
ㅤㅤWutduhH8 | 2 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀɢᴏ | In reply to Bigbutts&Pussy:
ㅤㅤYour name's fuckin' big butts & pussy lol
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ᴅᴇʟᴇᴛᴇᴅ | 3 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀɢᴏ
[ʀᴇᴍᴏᴠᴇᴅ]
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[sᴇᴇ 1.5k ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇs]
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Finished reading, she met Juel's eyes patiently waiting for her and offered a shrug as an attempt to lighten the moment.
"Did you read the comments?"
"Of course not. That rots your brain."
Juel pitched his lip upward because he knew that was true.
Her eyes fell back to the screen.
"So?" He leaned in, "What do you think?"
She parted her stare to nothingness for a long while to parse her thoughts and memories. She knew what he was referencing. It was about what little he knew about her stay on Ullipses.
"Tali?" Olasie spoke to get Tali out of her blank look, "You okay?"
"Yeah." She answered distantly, "Just... thinking."
Yeah. Thinking. A musing understatement. The dots were there and she just drew a line to connect them. It made sense enough. Who else wielded such power?
Certainly the collectors. The ghost of Ullipses besieged her and the clarity went on full display and her eyes played it all. She wrestled from the trance as soon as it had come and faced them both.
"...I think I can finally tell you guys about what happened to me."
Only silence from the two of them.
"...Would you like to know?"
"Only if you're okay with it."
Tali sighed. "Okay."
She picked at the comforter still over her crossed legs, eyes dotting and moving as she searched for the things she'd spent months burying.
"The collectors—" She started with a furrowed brow, "We're doing something to the planet. I don't know for what. Or why."
They saw her look up at the ceiling. "They destroyed it. It's gone. With a weapon or some type of experiment gone wrong, I don't know."
She tried to gauge a reaction out of them to see what they thought of the stupidity coming out of her mouth. Neither of them looked any different, so she took that as a sign it was palatable enough so far.
Olasie interjected lightly, "How did they destroy it?"
Ah. She figured she should've started off with this part first. She tried to illustrate the scene with her hands, her movements hesitant, as if she were trying to reach for something intangible.
"The Normandy was struck by an attack in the midst of these—not quite meteors. Pods? It's hard to even describe them. But their paths weren't natural. Something was guiding them to the planet toward a predetermined path."
She tried to mimic a large funnel, "They converged into a singular column. Just shy of the surface. Then they..." Tali actually laughed at the absurdity, "They phased through it. They went into the earth."
As Tali crossed her arms, she recalled, quite reluctantly, the two months she'd spent on the Citadel. The barrage of meetings and debriefs from both the Alliance and Citadel Coalition were ceaseless. And she told them the same things over and over. Different people, same story. She could almost explain it now verbatim from memory. "...I forgot how stupid this sounds to explain."
Juel kept her focused. "Where did they come from?"
"Slipspace." Tali recounted immediately, gaze held up again as if she could visualize it, "Thousands of them. It rained across half its hemisphere for hours. Then it dwindled down to a trickle."
Juel did his best to try and imagine such a thing but couldn't quite wrap his head around them passing through ground. "You sure they were passing through it?"
"I don't know." Tali gave him an honest answer, "Maybe there was a tunnel I just couldn't see. It was really hard to tell from where we were."
"Why didn't you get closer?"
"Tell me why you think that would be a smart or safe idea." Tali said plainly.
Juel bit his lip and nodded. "Sorry. Talking faster than thinking."
"I'm more interested in how you found out the collectors were behind it." Olasie said.
"When we crashed and set up camp, we knew nothing. Then we were ambushed in the dead of night. Their bodies—their skin. Looked just like the pods we saw falling."
She remembered the night. Remembered what had felt like a last stand at the Normandy's nose defending their flanks with only John. Remembered flinging herself in front of that man from certain death as that collector tried to cut him down with its laser.
"Keelah, Tali."
"Yeah."
"What happened after?"
"Their ambush was a kidnapping. They took Bosner. Hendricks. And Jacks. Everything else after, I..." Tali struggled to remember, "—The next day passed and we tried to... fortify defenses. But that's it. They poisoned us...? They made us forget somehow. I woke up at my sentry with only a few of us left at the Normandy."
"Poisoned?"
"I'm using a placeholder. I haven't a clue how they took the crew without anyone putting up a fight."
Her stare fell back to the computer on her lap, an unsettling feeling threading through her chest. New Sierra had succumbed to a fate not too dissimilar from the Normandy.
"Who's 'us'?"
"Anyone not human. The Normandy crew was gone. All of them."
"And they just left you?" Juel pressed, trying to make sense of what seemed so inexplicable.
"Don't ask me why they did that because I don't have an answer for you."
"Were your friends hiding? Maybe they weren't around?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Huh."
Tali's head went in her hands.
Olasie, still at the foot of her bed, held Tali's knee still underneath the blanket. "Tali, you don't have to keep telling us this if you feel like you can't."
"No, I'm alright—" Tali said in a way to try and alleviate them of worry, "I haven't tried explaining this in a while and it still sounds ridiculous. That's all."
Another breath. "We, uhm. Wrex and Garrus. Liara and I. We planned a rescue. We found where the collectors had staged a base. By some miracle, we rescued them. We got them out and left out of a gunship we barely knew how to fly."
"Ballsy."
"Desperate. It was desperation." She corrected, "We were gonna try and fly it off into space. We didn't know if it could make FTL; much less know how to use it. That's how desperate we were to get away."
Her mind wandered back and she remembered the shadows draped over the surviving men and women of Normandy. She remembered the dark and chitinous walls. Even the air was thick with sweat and wet with blood. The stench of grime and crew teetering on death as they landed back to the remains of the Normandy to grab what little they could to just finally escape the planet.
"It didn't matter," She continued, "When we tried to stop by the Normandy to grab essentials, we were followed. They destroyed the ship we took to get back."
She recalled the MANPADS. Missiles singing across the sky as their final cry of defiance. "If it any more comical, the Alliance showed up right after. Picked us up only for half of us and John to get spaced anyways. Ullipses got sucked into a micro blackhole after and vanished."
By now, her voice was fighting against the tightness in her throat and she sniffled again, wishing she could press her hands up against her eyes to drown it all out.
Olasie drew up an arm. "Keelah, Tali. Come here."
Tali did just that and moved in closer to the woman so she could lean into her shoulder. "Yeah. It was bad."
Juel stood from her chair and sat down next to her as well. It was a simple thing to do, but it was enough to pull her away from the anger and confusion she felt. "Thanks guys."
"Of course."
A weight, however much her friends had lifted from her, was still there. Regardless of the days you stacked between her and Ullipses, its recounting didn't feel any less visceral or intense than the day she'd experienced them.
A permanent toll had been exacted from her. For it to feel this raw meant as such.
Silence began to erode the air.
"Would you like to talk about something else?" Juel offered quietly.
A nod. "Yes. I'd like that."
"Okay."
Olasie pat her back and Juel crossed his arms.
"Well. I've got a secret to tell. That okay?"
"Sure."
Juel ran a tongue over his teeth deliberating if he should even say this.
"I kept something."
"What?"
"Stuff from Primerah."
"What did you keep?"
"Documents."
Tali scrunched her nose up and faced him tiredly. "But we handed that all over when we got back. Everything's classified now."
"Yeah." He shrugged, "I know. I kept some copies anyway."
Both women gave him an unimpressed stare. He was breaching protocol. Olasie was going say something, but sensed Tali didn't care all that much. And if she didn't care, she wasn't going to care all that much either.
"Well," Tali mumbled, "what did you find?"
"More of the same really. It's hard to understand. Spreadsheets. Lots of them. From what I could gather, Dieeal was in charge of self-adaptation for the Geth. Adaptive preservation algorithms. Like making sure they wouldn't accidentally wander off a cliff or fall into a hole."
"Hm."
"The stuff in there, Tali— It's over my head," Juel added carefully, "But I don't think it would be over yours. You should look."
Tali gave him a disinterested look. One that was absent of any attachment to what he was saying. "I don't want to."
"Why not?" Juel said, slightly taken aback, "Don't sell yourself so short. This stuff was made for you to study."
Tali felt her shoulders slacken even more than they already were. She didn't say anything and her eyes grew disparaged.
There was more silence between the three of them.
"Tali?"
"I don't want to." She murmured again defeatedly. Sadly.
"Why?" He asked again, forcing the issue front and center.
Her nose began to run. Vision blurring from two small tears that hadn't quite developed yet.
"You know why."
She saw them from the corners of her eyes Juel and Olasie exchanging glances.
"Tali—I just thought— maybe that giving these things a shot would be good for you."
Her body went rigid and she stared at the floor. Then her small shake of the head turned into a sharp one.
"That's—That's not going to help."
"Why not?"
She glared at him, "You think drowning in work is going to heal me from losing John?" She asked flatly. Accussingly.
The corners of him wilted, but his stare didn't.
"This isn't coming anywhere but me being worried about you. From me and Olasie."
"John died and you want me to get over it by burying myself in some stupid spreadsheet." She spat angrily, storming to her feet so she could grow a head taller than him from the bed. "Do you know how stupid you sound?"
Olasie faltered and watched Tali silently like a dying flower.
Juel stared up. But soon enough, he rose to his own feet, his full five inches of height almost dwarfing her.
"I'm only trying to help."
She spat out an acrid chuckle and let her back face them both so she could set her fists against her desk and ignore his towering presence.
"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Juel uttered, "That it would never cross my mind that joining Gerrel's STU was less about duty and more about risking your life instead? That isn't healing. That's hemorrhaging. Pain doesn't mean penance."
Silence. One that let the man continue. "Consider maybe that pulling you back to the living starts with something as mundane as what I'm suggesting. A distraction or a step; whatever you want it to be."
She still said nothing. That back facing him almost angered him.
"—Do you think this honors him? John wouldn't want this. Not for you."
Olasie's voice broke through the monologue, "Juel—"
"No. She needs to hear this," He said, relentless, "You want to keep drowning, Tali? Fine. But don't think for even a moment that what you're doing is somehow doing him a service. That man lived for hope and a future. And you're pissing it away."
Tali felt venom fall from her fangs, fists crushed even tighter. She didn't care if this was coming from a place of care. She wanted them gone.
How did this happen? How did something so relatively benign, her recounting of her distant traumas, eschew into such an incredibly volatile, one-sided, exchange?
The venom continued its drip. She wanted to turn on that man and slap him. To have her fist touch his cheek. But she took that thought and murdered it. Every strand of her existence pulled herself into a unity of calmness. For as much hate she had oiled inside of her, she would never betray them like that. She loved them too much for that now. She needed to corral this unfettered demon and steer them away with words alone.
"Get out." Came a paltry and sad croak of air instead.
"Tali." Olasie tried.
"No." Tali said denying them, voice barely even passing her lips. "Please leave. For all that is good for me, please. Go."
She felt a hand touch her. It was Olasie's.
"Okay." Came a sad whisper. With one final glance, she disappeared through the curtain.
But Juel stayed rooted to his spot and waited until he knew Olasie was well enough away.
"I get to say this because she's not here now." Juel said to Tali's back, "But you're being a bastard. This isn't me asking for an apology. It's me demanding for one. Not for me, but for her. You better give one to Olasie. Not now or even today. But it will come. She doesn't deserve this."
Tali didn't move. He held his stare against her for a moment longer and decided he'd said enough and walked out.
Confident they were both gone, she immediately went to her nightstand, yanked out a crumpled bundle of tissues, and detached her mask to blot away the tears she'd been wallowing in.
There were no second thoughts as the seals gave in to the air rushing in. She didn't care in the slightest. What little bacteria in this air could rape her orifices for all she cared.
She dabbed and blotted with a little more force necessary, her breaths coming up short and exceptionally labored.
He was right, she knew. Every damn thing out of that man's mouth was right. She was being a bastard. An insufferable degenerate bastard.
But she couldn't help it. Silence followed and Tali was left holding a bag full of his daggered words and her own ragged gasps for air to keep herself from wailing. The room felt colder and emptier without them here.
She folded that used tissue with shaking hands and reached for more.
"Damnit... God, 𝓓𝓪𝓶𝓷𝓲𝓽."
She hadn't even made it twenty minutes into the day without fucking it up. She dropped the mask carelessly and let it clatter to the desk, the curved glass dancing about to find its center of gravity.
She wanted to scream. To release again the pent-up anguish that she so often felt. But all she could manage were tears instead, hot against the cold air that touched her face.
Reality was not far from truth. She was lost. Adrift in a void where happiness was as much a fantasy as John coming back.
Juel saw through her masquerade of duty. Knew there wasn't a lick of obligation to their greater cause. What Juel failed to realize though, was that this wasn't a penance to John. It wasn't a penance to anyone. It was a simple plea. One where, deep inside, she hoped that maybe, just maybe, one of these missions would be her last. That it would be over. That there would be peace.
Those cracks over that fragile veneer grew with each passing day. For that, she couldn't stop. She wouldn't. To pull herself away from what was a self-guided glide toward self-destruction meant facing instead what continued to rip and tear at her little heart. What was only a gentle descent to the end would be a nose dive otherwise.
She saw a drip and a drop puddle the nighstand. A soft and soundless throb throttled her throat and her lips pressed themselves together to deafen what wanted to come out.
She wanted to be happy. She wanted to find herself again. To see the small sparks of joy in life. To see hope and future. But her reach was too short from where it was. It was a charlatan mocking her afar. A bully on a pedestal laughing at her misery.
And so, she tread this path instead, one that both Juel and Olasie saw through.
His words, though harsh, were a reflection of the truth she refused to see. She was hemorrhaging, not healing. Pain had become her penance, a self-imposed sentence for surviving when John had not.
Juel's accusation that she was running from John's ghost struck a chord, resonating with a painful clarity. He was, again, right— that there was no honor for John by living like this. He had lived for hope, for a future.
And what was she doing? Squandering it.
The tissues in her hands were soaked through. She was raw and vulnerable. Saw every day how far she'd fallen from the place she used to be.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to the empty room as if anyone or John could hear it, "I'm so sorry."
Heart as dead as the sound that came. Apologies couldn't change the past. They couldn't bring him back. All she had left was the present and a future she refused to face. A future without any of the things she wanted most.
Its reminder was suffocating. And, as she set the glass back across her face to sever herself from the world again, she wondered if she would ever find her way back to the light, or if she was doomed instead to wander in this darkness and remain a ghost haunted by what could have been.
Anguish enthralled.
She saw it. She knew it.
She was a slave to his death.
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𝑱𝒐𝒉𝒏.
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆.
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Miya'Kahto nar Chasuk, recently arrived from pilgrimage, walked down one of the Neema's many hallways looking for a woman named Tali'Zorah nar Rayya.
Well, vas Neema now.
The turian didn't exactly know what her new name was. Fortunately enough, Tali'Zorah's reputation alone made her easy enough to find.
Which lead Miya here. Miya kept walking and would, every so often, glance at the little black box in her hands to make sure it hadn't disappeared from her hands. Finally, the young woman arrived at engineering. Around a dozen or so milled about the engine room. One of them had to be her.
She decided she would approach someone and ask.
"—ot it. Get the main out and we'll get that replaced."
"Excuse me, sorry to intrude, but I'm looking for a Tali'Zorah."
The engineer glanced at her for just a moment before thumbing the hallway behind him. "Yeah. She's right down there working on the power station to your left. The purple one."
"Thank you sir."
He went back to work and she went off after Tali.
When Miya went down the hallway, she took an immediate left and saw Tali's back facing her while she turned a dial and typed on a keypad.
"Tali'Zorah?" Miya said to get the woman's attention.
Tali stopped her button pressing and turned around immediately. "...Yes?"
Miya raised the box to her. "I have something for you. Something your turian friend. erhm— Garrus, I think..."
Tali was taken aback with surprise and stared at the box in the girl's hands before finally accepting it with a flabbergasted stare. "...T—thank you... I wasn't expecting it so soon."
"Of course, ma'am."
Miya looked several years younger than Tali. Probably barely over twenty. That was honestly kind of surprising; pilgrims usually were a bit older than this.
"I have to ask. How old are you?"
"Nineteen. I'm turning twenty in a few weeks."
"But..."
"Yeah, I know. I hear it a lot." She shrugged.
"Huh." Tali made a mildly surprised face and dropped her stare back to the box. "So how did you—?"
"—Come across your friend? He was on the Citadel. Or visiting. I can't remember." Miya answered, "But he asked me to pass this on to you when I was done with my pilgrimage. He said to protect it with my life. Made me do an oath and everything."
Tali couldn't help but scoff slightly at Garrus. "Bless his heart, that bosh'tet." Tali grinned sadly before facing Miya again, "Thank you again. You have no idea what this means to me."
"Of course."
"Were you compensated?"
"Your friend was very generous with his money." Miya admittedly shamefully, "He paid me several thousand for holding onto it. He didn't have to do all that. He could've just used drone delivery."
"For something as important as this, I'm glad he didn't." Tali murmured, "Garrus is a sentimental man and he likes to help people. He should have given you more." She said in a passive joke. Miya giggled nervously and Tali took the hint she probably wanted to leave.
"Have you decided to take the Neema in your name or are you just stopping by to drop this off for me?"
"Just dropping it by. I still need to go home and see my parents."
"Welcome back to the fleet." Tali nodded, "and thank you, Miya'Kahto."
"Of course, ma'am. Enjoy your present thing." Miya said with a gracious smile before finally leaving.
Tali stared at the tungsten finish on the little box for a long while, her surroundings nearly forgotten.
"Hiva?" Tali called to her left when she'd finished her inspection, "—Hey."
Hiva looked up from his computer to her.
"Mm?"
"Would you mind if I left for thirty minutes?"
"Your shift was over with three hours ago. You don't need to ask."
Tali looked at her chrono. "Oh. well. I guess Yumah should come down here then."
"I'll call her. Good night Tali. See you in the morning."
"Bye."
She rushed out of engineering and felt her stomach churn a little from anticipation.
When she finally made it to her room, she went to her desk and pushed aside anything that could've gotten in the way. Then she sat down in her chair and took in a breath before unclasping the locks.
When she opened the little box, Tali's heart skipped a beat at the little black pendant resting delicately on rich plum-colored felt.
It... It was beautiful.
She picked up the tiny thing and read the laser inscription that ran along its circumference.
ᴇ ᴘʟᴜʀɪʙᴜs ᴜɴᴜᴍ, she read through Khelish translation. Directly opposite was another inscription.
Tɪᴘᴇᴛʜᴇ'ɪɴs'ᴋᴀs Kᴇᴇʟᴀʜ Hᴡᴀs'Nɪʟᴀɪs.
'Time is a gift for the heart and hope for the home.'
She turned it around to see another engraving, this time of the Normandy. And right below the silhouette sat a simple 'ᴛᴏ ᴜs'.
Tali's eyes glossed over with tears after setting the pendant back onto the felt.
"...Keelah, John." She murmured between a slow cry of grief and happiness all at the same time, "...oh you wonderful man."
She anchored herself away from the emotions by inhaling the deepest breath her lungs could muster, eyes closing to try and find the reason behind why he would make something as precious as this. It didn't take her long to come up with a reason. It was a keepsake. Something to hold onto after what was supposed to be her inevitable return home.
A small resolve tempered what lay within and, with the grace and care this gift deserved, brought it into her hold. She stood up and made her way to the lab without even shuttering the curtain behind her.
She held onto it dearly until she was forced to pocket the thing to climb the ladder. Up she went. Each rung steering her upward step by step. She reached her floor and climbed off, a sad smile tugging.
At long last, after taking the turns she needed, she reached what she came for. The lab's flash fabricator.
What amounted to only a twinge of guilt, Tali knew she was taking only but a few grams of metal. She supposed, after all she'd done for the fleet, she could do this with anyone's blessing.
She began to comb through the fabricator's extranet-connected catalog to search for a chain that would charm this coin. Pages and pages of results and she found what she wanted. A simple press to push it to processing and it began its print, her stare now transfixed on what slowly emerged.
With luster in her eyes, it soon finished, its plastic shield unfurling and showing her the newly minted thread of tiny and delicate links. She brought it into her hands, eyes sorrowfully bright, and secured its ends to what would soon become a pendant with a quick soldering.
She draped it between her two hands and was mesmerized. It was finished. It was subtle. It was beautiful. Reverently, she withdrew her hood and placed it around her neck.
As it settled between her collarbones, a stream of tears raced down her cheeks, hand pressed against the centerpiece, a sigh choking out.
"...Tali?" Olasie's voice, one that barely reached out from the breadth of the lab door, broke the stillness. Tali went upright in her chair and turned her head to face the woman standing there with nothing but an obscure stare to answer her.
"...I saw you leave in such a hurry and I..." Olasie's words tapered and she struggled to find more from her muteness, "—And I got concerned."
Tali's head made a lethargic pull back toward her workstation, hand toggling the power to hush the fabricator, its steady hum fading into resonant silence. Wearily, she stood, and Olasie resigned herself for what likely would be a wordless exit from the lab. She heard her soft steps approach and expected them to pass by her, but they stopped, and she felt arms envelop her into a tight embrace.
"I love you." Tali murmured in a melancholic whisper, a single chord from her voice barely plucking, "...You know that, right?"
Olasie let go of the breath she was holding, hands late to return the hug, "...I love you too, Tali."
Neither of them dared to let go.
Tali held that woman in her grasp, heart beating faintly against hers.
"I'm sorry." It came at last.
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