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[ 6-14-2024 ]
Making incredible progress. My focus has been set primarily on previous chapters in both installments. Heavy additions and rewrites to the TFON and TEOD still occurring. Please be patient! New content has already been slowly being pieced back in as I type this. Tens of thousands of words of additional content has already been integrated with much more to follow! When it's ALL done, I will be re-releasing, which also buy me lots of additional time to continue writing.
~cheers and leave review pls~
(ᶦᵗˢ ᵐʸ ᵒⁿˡʸ ᶜᵘʳʳᵉⁿᶜʸ!)
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Four souls and one machine strode onto the lift and embarked toward the depths of the station below.
It was dark. And the platform groaned under the weight of its own enormity as they descended.
Their shadows stretched and danced from the dim lights they slowly passed. Red and amber.
Its pace was cathartic and John, as he watched his team spread themselves across the open space, tried to relax.
Pretty impossible given the circumstances.
He sought for Tali instead, searching for her figure ensconced in the sharp contrast of the shadows that continued to play across the space. He saw her at the edge of the lift, trying her best to peer over, hands holding the pits of her chest rig.
"See anything?" He asked her through a private channel.
She continued peering but eventually pulled away to meet his stare from where he stood.
"No."
"How much further you think?"
"At the rate this thing's going, a minute or more."
"That's a long time." John murmured, mind echoing the fact they had hardly had time to be wasting.
Tali didn't say anything and decided to take a spot next to him.
"I could really go for a shower." She said instead, trying to keep the mood afloat, though barely.
"A hot meal sounds pretty good right now." He murmured. "80/20. Medium well. Cheese and the fixin's on a buttered brioche."
She gave him a single lighthearted laugh. "That too."
She glanced at Talukh and saw him in a crouch, his multi-tool out as he made some adjustments to his rifle. Then to Thane. The assassin stood in a corner where the shadow was darkest. She could barely pick out from the black his silhouette.
John drew up a hand to reach for hers. "How you feeling."
She faced him with those beautifully radiant eyes of hers, though they were fringed with the burnout of two dozen hours of working and fighting. That and the gravity of their situation.
"Feeling like today's had too many close calls. And curveballs."
"We've had worse."
"Doesn't make it fun." She chided.
"Does it make it tolerable?"
She didn't give him an immediate answer. She had lots of close calls the last three or so years of her life. They all did. Pick a month and you could probably find one. Ullipses. Virmire. Peak 15.
The Citadel, several times.
PODA-S2 with the spider bugs.
And for the last twenty-two hours, it was infiltrating, then hiding in some dingy batarian prison, alone and abandoned, only to come back to a raging war while they stormed a base to destroy a reaper beacon and launch an asteroid into a relay to thwart the impending harvest.
This almost made everything before look like child's play.
Almost.
"I suppose." It came out at last.
He gave her palm a gentle squeeze and withdrew his hand while her stare went up to meet him.
"Are you okay?"
"…Worried." He said distantly with some reluctance in his inflection.
"About?" She asked, even though she knew it was kind of a pointless question.
"The others." He said. She could hardly see him in the dark and he was glad. Because it was a lie.
"Don't be. They can handle themselves."
He stared at the ground. "I know."
"Shepard-Commander."
John killed their channel and they both faced the enigmatic machine.
"We are approaching the base of this shaft. Everyone: please prepare."
"You heard Legion. Final checks if you haven't already."
"I'm good." Talukh grumbled as he got back to his feet.
"I'm ready." Thane said calmly.
Their descent slowed until it eventually shuddered to a halt, a clang that echoed up through the shaft they came from.
A dim flood of ambient light met them, and more gaunt shadows sprawled across the floor to the bodies that lay about. Thankfully, none of them belonged to the Normandy.
There were a lot.
"Jesus." John murmured at the sight.
"Keelah, Lihda Tet'shuct'sa tha," Lukh intoned, glancing at the makeshift weapons that littered the floor. "What happened here."
Thane stood next to the quarian. "Nothing good."
John severed himself from the sight to see Tali studying the mess around them.
"How long were you here for, Legion?" John decided to ask.
"We are nearing an hour."
"Understood. Can you get us to them?"
The geth reached for its pulse rifle. "We can. However, the ground team is currently split into two teams."
"One for the beacon and the other for getting the asteroid launched, I'm guessing." Tali assumed.
"Correct, Creator-Zorah." He focused back to John, "How do you wish to proceed?"
"Who's working to get to the beacon?"
"Creator-Venn's squad and your self-assembled team."
"That leaves Garrus and the Cerberus detachment to handle engines." Lukh surmised.
"That would be correct, Creator-Daer."
"Get us to engines." John ordered, "No more delays. We need that launched now."
"Acknowledged. Please follow us."
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It held a hush.
Inside this sanctuary, this amphitheater, was darkness, the black only drawn away by a glow that seemed reluctant to fully pierce the dark.
The chamber's center beheld the reaper artifact that reared skyward—an obsidian sculpture with limbs that stretched to a forlorn heaven, arms sprawled out like a tree long dead. A glow that pulsed ran through its otherworldly veins, its gentle luminance capable of seducing the gaze of the wary and the bold alike.
The dread it inspired was primal and penetrating. Not simply a relic of what was supposed to be a bygone horror, but as an omen to reap death on life galactically sown.
A shrine in this unhallowed church. The lesser in its presence demanded veneration. Fear and awe. Adoration and glorification.
Its thirst never quenched. Hunger never sated. Tithe for minds never enough.
Zaeed stepped over the dead, human and batarian alike, to gander at the ominous artifact before him, his expression stretched by a dark shadow.
More. It demanded more.
Gluttony. And in the face of its own sin, this gentile lamb before it would not be gentle. Its tribute would not be of reverence. But of defiance.
C4 would be its last gift.
"I wouldn't get too close." Jacob warned from afar.
Zaeed turned around to see the whole of Shepard's misfits and the quarians alike keeping their fair distance away.
"Ugh, you bloody muppets. Doubt it'll make a difference standing here or there," Zaeed said with a gruff grumble before pointing with his good hand to Olasie digging through Teri's pack to pass around the ordnance to Juel and Darehk. "You lot get your Play-Doh ready?"
"Just about." Juel said for Jacob as he unraveled the waxed paper that sheathed the explosive. "Where should we place it?"
"Don't know." Zaeed said, staring intently at the thing, "Everywhere. Overkill this sum'bitch. Atomize the thing."
Juel shrugged. "Fair enough."
Zaeed peered even closer to the beacon, his face his unusual unreadable scowl. He let himself sit under its glow and felt…
Nothing.
He heard a quiet gurgle from under him and he glanced down to see one of the many of the shroud's defenders they'd cut down.
"Don't. I won't see its light. I won't see their blessings."
The batarian, collapsed in her own puddle of blood, rose her trembling hand upward as if to stop them.
Zaeed bent down into a squat, rifle turning into a cane to keep him steady. He wanted to give her a callous remark. To tell her off. But he knew well enough they weren't fighting the enemy. They were fighting folks caught under the reapers' controlling and invisible cloud of control. Hell essentially.
"I'm sorry, darling. We can't let them through." Her wet cough gave him a pause, "You're worshipping the bloody devil."
"No."
Zaeed stared with his half-dead stare, face hard and unreadable. He let out a quiet and joyless sigh and fished for his IFAK.
"What's your name, hun?"
Her lips drooled blood. "…Eskele."
"Eskele." He repeated as if he were just having a pastime conversation with a stranger, "That's a beautiful name."
Her small rivers of blood reached his soles.
"How bad's it hurt?"
Her tears were enough of an answer. He pinched out a syringe of morphine and bit off the cap.
"Why'd you do it. Dying for nothing. Why can't you fight it?" For whatever heart Zaeed had, he gave her thigh a simple dart to administer mercy.
"I did it…" She began to fade, "For salvation."
Zaeed said nothing as the quarians approached with their plastic explosive to glue haphazardly to the shroud.
Olasie, as she placed her explosive at the base of this abomination, glanced at Zaeed who stood back up, stare still transfixed on the batarian woman bleeding out on the floor.
"Zaeed?"
"Yeah." He didn't look up, electing instead to keep staring at the sight below him.
There was a soundless pause and she thought of the first thing that came to mind to pull him out of his reverie. "Help us."
He severed his fixed gaze. "Yeah. Sure."
She handed him a stick.
"Remember. Don't touch it."
"I remember." He mumbled. He played with its weight; mind still drawn to the woman dying behind him.
It wasn't traumatic. Far from it in fact. Having witnessed the countless ways death could claim someone, it hardly bothered him. He wasn't a stranger to the reality of conflict. He just felt grounded to what they were up against; for finally witnessing the power of what the reapers wielded.
It was profoundly unsettling. There existed no weapon more potent, more absolute, than the ability to usurp the will. To puppeteer the minds of men like toys. Zaeed was sure of it.
Such a force wasn't meant for mortals. Its power was reserved for gods. The divine. For entities that dwelled beyond their realm.
The reapers certainly seemed to check all those boxes and it worried him. He wondered now if that's what they were pitted against.
Gods.
He careened his head slowly up, eyes narrowing at what looked like a damn anemone. He gave the block an underhanded toss up into the shroud's bowl and frowned.
"Good a spot as any."
"Alright," Jacob said, fanning people out to leave with his hand, "Clear out. We're wasting time."
In pairs, Shepard's team and the quarians filed out of the room in a hurry, a line of wire spooling out behind them from Darehk to detonate the charges. When everyone was far enough away, Darehk gave the team around him a quick gander.
"Ready?"
For that extra measure of security, Samara had bound them under the protection of a biotic barrier.
"Ready."
"Blast-bound." He squeezed the detonator, the resulting effect an ear-splitting 8,000 meter per second crack of explosive energy.
A hall of dust spat out from the door, lumps of beacon bits trailing pathetically behind.
The field simmered away and the team spread out.
"I'm feeling better already." Kasumi said with Jack giving her an impartial look.
"Okay."
Jacob brought up coms to see if he could check on the others. "This is Beacon-1 to Engine-1. How copy?"
A stream of static, but eventually he could Garrus' voice bleed through. "Full copy. Full copy. You are music to my ears."
"What's your status?"
"Moping up this sordid mess. They haven't let up. It's a damn massacre up here, Jacob."
"Same for us," Jacob intoned quietly.
Their fight truly was, in every sense of the word, a slaughter.
They didn't know how or why, but the men and women enthralled by the reapers were not only human, but batarian as well. Humans dominated the resistance, but enough of them were mingled about now for it to be brow-raising. For how long this had gone on for was anyone's guess. But that hardly mattered.
They could figure all that out later.
"This is Overwatch," Came Miranda's voice, a tone mixed with relief and urgency, "Please tell me you have the asteroid underway."
"Just about." Garrus answered, "How are you situated, Miranda?"
"Holding just fine, but you need to hurry. Our window is uncomfortably close to closing. Do you have Shepard with you?"
"I'm here. Saviors 1 and 2 with Get'her team appended." John answered, omitting some radio discipline, "Legion is leading us to you now, Engine-1."
"You have no idea how much of a relief it is to know you're back with us." Garrus replied.
"You've been busy while I've been gone."
"We have been. We can talk more when you're here."
"Well, turn around. Because we're right behind you."
Garrus and the rest of the team looked back to see the four of them enter the hall with Legion leading them.
Tali and John. Thane and Talukh.
"Guys," The turian almost wanted to squeeze the both of them in a bear hug, "You are a sight for sore eyes."
"Funny. Said the same to Legion." John said, approaching, "Legion told me everything. Including Dr. Kenson being dead. I need you to get me up to speed of everything since."
"I'm sure you saw it all coming here," He started, glancing at Tali before briefly staring at Talukh and Thane, "But…" He rose his hand to have them survey the death around them, "Most of them don't even have kinetic barriers. Or guns."
The place reeked of death. It had the entire way here.
"We couldn't…—"The turian frowned and sent his stare wayward, "We had to fight our way through them all. They wouldn't stop."
"The blame lays upon the reapers." Thane reminded.
"…Yeah." Garrus sighed at the assassin, "Suppose so. Doesn't make it easier to stomach."
It wasn't an exaggeration. The bodies around them were plentiful.
Folly, who'd been busying himself with the controls, called them out with his voice.
"Garrus. It's here. We can launch the asteroid. On our signal."
The men and women of Engine-1 found themselves facing the console and its depiction of the plotted course the asteroid would take.
Tali's lip, caught between her teeth, held a gaze toward the screen that was fraught with tension. The weight of what they were just about to do was rapidly catching up to her.
Mercy and condemnation. Savior and slayer. A little button burdened by duality.
John's look was subdued. "…There really isn't any other way is there?"
"No." Garrus muttered. "There isn't. If there was, we wouldn't be doing this."
"Did we send out the evacuation alert to the system?"
Garrus steadied himself for his answer.
"…No."
Tali's heart skipped while John felt himself get paralyzed by a chill.
"Why."
"Take a look, John." Garrus said, sweeping his hand across the space, "There are batarians here. Civilian batarians. They're all indoctrinated. We have no idea how many are in this system. We can't risk it. We can't let them go. The entire system is wrought with cancer because of that beacon."
"What makes you think indoctrinated people haven't already left this system?" Tali challenged.
"What do you do, Tali, when you manage a breach? Do you let more air out?" Garrus asked.
She pressed her lips together and didn't answer.
John stole himself a moment before reading the room and finally looking at only Tali.
Her posture relaxed slightly when she sensed he wanted to hear her say something.
"What are you thinking." She intoned quietly to him. The whole of the team heard her.
"Thinking that…" His brows furrowed and he didn't meet her gaze or anyone's. "—That if god's real… he wouldn't forgive me."
A final look to her then the controls.
He approached slowly and let his hand hover over the key that would put this all into motion. He felt his moral convictions spin like a top. Conflict borne from the visceral understanding of what this would cost.
"Are you all prepared for what I'm about to do?"
It was a plea for validation more than anything. A final check before passing into the point of no return. He also chose his words carefully. To make sure they knew it was him that was pulling on this string and no one else.
A round of resigned nods from both the Cerberus detachment and Garrus' squad.
"Okay." He said softly, his meager tone delaying an inevitable, "…okay."
Inside that single second, John felt as if could see a line of every face he was going to snuff away from the galaxy.
'The ends justify the means' whispered a voice deep inside his mind. Its timbre was unmistakably that of The Illusive Man.
He pressed the key. The console accepted his command and broadcast the flight path that was charted to course toward the relay.
Tali's eyes drifted away. A gaze caught in a 1000 yard stare. Something unsettled her and it was hard to describe.
This campaign, she knew, for a very long time now, was nothing like the original Normandy. As the reapers drew ever nearer, the stakes continued to mount to newer heights. She knew of its inevitability. It didn't make it any easier to cope with or process.
She couldn't even begin to imagine what a full-scale conflict would have in store for them. She hoped pitifully that the outcome, one where they somehow survived, wouldn't leave them so pyrrhic, so empty, that they might as well have never lived to see what life could be like on the other side of it all.
A three-hour timer began its tick to zero and Shepard muttered. "That's it then."
He never parted his stare from the screen.
𝐼𝑛 𝑓𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑒. 𝑂𝑓 𝑟𝑜𝑦𝑎𝑙𝑡𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑢𝑏𝑗𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑠...
"Sacrifice of kings. Death to men." Came his soundless murmur as he recited the last of the poem.
"This is Beacon-1," Jacob spoke through coms, "We feel inertia. Strong assumption she's started to sail."
"That's an affirmative. Head back up top. It's time we leave." Garrus ordered.
"Copy."
"Go. Everyone. Back to the kodiaks." John ordered before turning around and walking up toward Tali, "Miranda. Give me an update on fleet disposition. Foe and ally."
"Right away, Shepard. EDI will fill you in."
"Commander."
"EDI."
"Both carrier tasks groups are currently engaged with oppositional response. Minimal casualties. Please vacate at your soonest availability."
"Will do, EDI."
Just as they were about to exit the computer array, a screen flickered to the image of a glowing and flaxen halo. Then another mirrored it. Soon enough, the screens that surrounded them all changed like a wave to that golden ring.
By reflex, the entirety of them all stopped and they scattered their stares to what now surrounded them.
"What is this…?" One of Cerberus marines uttered.
"I seek the one named Shepard." Came a voice. It was a hum that echoed. Wicked and flat.
Death had whispered out to their ears and a deafening silence veiled the darkness around them.
This was Virmire all over again. The original three recognized it as so.
Cautiously, John stepped forward and stared at the biggest of the screens.
"That would be me."
"You have proven to be quite meddlesome."
"Who are you."
"Harbinger."
"A reaper, then."
"An appropriate label for your destruction as Sovereign had once indicated."
A hushed moment between god and mortal.
"What do you want."
"To let you know that your attempts to delay are in vain. That you are not the vanguard you believe yourself to be."
The entire ground team just stared on. John too was silent for a moment as he tried to stage himself for an answer.
"…Why are you doing this. Dignify us with a real answer. We've earned that much."
"Earned." Harbinger sang, "A pejorative presumption."
"Then I'll just ask. I want to know what you've been up to. You've been busy since Ullipses. I'm assuming that was you or your friends."
"You bore witness to our work. You. And the quarian. And turian."
Harbinger recognized all three of them in the room. That meant he could see them.
"They have names. You should use them."
"Your presence on what your cycle has titled Ullipses was coincidental." Harbinger continued; criticism ignored.
So that was it. They were, 110%, all connected. The collectors and the reapers and those stupid falling rocks that had covered Ullipses' sky before finally snuffing it from existence.
"Was it a test? A weapon?"
"A test." Harbinger answered plainly. "Your interference was not anticipated. But we welcomed it. Your crew produced the paralytics needed to subdue your kind for ascension."
Tali's soul was buried when she heard that. It made her dredge up their harrowing struggle of Ullipses. Everything. All of it. From start to finish. But there was one thing that scorched her the most—Harbinger's simple confession.
"You let us go, didn't you." She accused, final realization dawning on her, "That whole rescue of ours on your ship was just some stupid setup. We were your plaything."
A part of her—a deeply scarred, fiercely protective part—didn't want to know what Harbinger was going to say because she already knew, in every measure of her being, that upon that fateful day, rescuing John and the crew from the collectors had been nothing but a manipulated fluke. An allowance. A farce. She always knew this in the back of her mind. But she wanted to believe their escape had been from tenacity alone and not from Harbinger's sinister machinations. But the truth was there. Plain and bitter.
Had Harbinger wanted them dead, it could've done so. Then and there.
"More than one test." Harbinger admitted. A hard fact that struck against her already crumbled wall of denial.
"Why, damnit. Why are you doing all this?" John demanded again.
"That is beyond your understanding." Harbinger answered.
"Do you recall what happened to the last reaper who told us that?" Garrus growled.
"That threat is as empty as your future."
"We're the first cycle out of all the others that's different." John said through an impassive glare, "Take that however you will. But we are different."
"You are." Harbinger agreed, "Ultimately irrelevant."
"Vanity." Shepard breathed.
"Destiny." Harbinger corrected.
John wanted to scoff at the theatrical discourse. "If that's so, why does it matter what you tell us? Humor the simpletons."
That seemed to convince the genocidal zealot enough to finally throw them all a breadcrumb.
"Your existence serves the periphery of a greater struggle. A struggle that cannot be measured through the dimension of time."
"Try me."
"Your language lacks the vocabulary to explain."
"Dumb it down then."
"You are among the only bastions of life left in the universe. Our observance concludes this to be true."
Garrus was beside himself. "That's impossible. How could you know that."
"An anticipated response. The same as the last. In all the cycles since the first, We have only bestowed this information to three others. Your group being third."
"…We're honored?"
"The galaxy is stabilized. Fertilized. We sow. Then reap. This cleanse is insurance."
"Poetic. But that doesn't explain anything. What did you do to Ullipses? Why did you do it?"
"Sanitation from the growth."
"What growth?"
"A mold. A scourge that threatens the galaxy. That sullies the universe."
More word play. He wanted a bottom line.
"How many times are you going to keep doing this?"
"Until we produce the results that are desired."
"You mean there's criteria here?" Greg exclaimed from Garrus' team, "Christ, just give us the list and let us figure it out!"
"You are a variable to a greater purpose." Harbinger said as a segway, "These delays will be among your last. Our arrival is assured. You may believe it incumbent upon you to prepare, but no such preparation is necessary. Until we meet again, the crew of Normandy."
The images disappeared and they were all left with hardly a crumb to hold.
What an existential and esoteric exchange.
John's head, even though he never showed it, was swimming. He was not expecting to be blindsided like that. Much less to be engaging in dialogue with the bastard orchestrating this whole mess.
As cryptic as the revelations were, it still managed to give them a glimpse into these long and unresolved questions about what started all of this. Though he doubted it would bridge them anywhere near a complete answer.
He realized no one, including himself, had moved yet.
"…Let's go people," John breathed tiredly, stare lingering on the screen before finally turning around to glance at Tali and Garrus. "Come on."
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Miranda marched.
Up and down the neck of CIC, her strides were quick and calculated. No station was left without her cold and authoritative gaze to cross it.
She paused momentarily behind her CTO, her shadow looming over the man as she skimmed the cascading stream of tactical overlays. Its report told her the same on the last round and the one before it. All were maintaining first echelon. Friendly formations withheld. Minimal casualties.
She moved on.
Next to the fore was the status board—its surface rife and alive. A ballet of names and numbers as she traced the moving elements of the Aegis and Hera's fighters and corvettes, mind tallying munitions and sortie rates.
All checked green.
Her next checkpoint had her pause behind her TAO. Battle chatter over general coms encapsulated the air and Miranda listened intently to get another read of what was developing.
"We got 'em, we got 'em."
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ"He's tailing me, I can't shake him."
"Break left. Break left."
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ"Setting up for a run. Stand-by."
"Form up on my wing, Dog-3."
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ"Raptor flight, execute recall. Echo back."
Calm and collected voices. This, once again, was a green report.
Miranda's vigilance was as mechanical as it was fervent. Her tireless patrol had her circling around the command suite fifty-eight times since her temporary induction as the ship's acting captain. Given the woman's meticulous nature, the repetition of her laps had been nearly identical to all the last.
EDI knew this because she counted them.
At long last, seemingly satisfied that the situation was developing in their favor, Miranda returned back to the podium to overlook CIC's chevron-shaped analytical station.
The batarian hegemony was, since the start of this battle, outmatched and outclassed.
Outgunned and outplayed.
It was EDI's inaugural foray into testing her cyberwarfare capabilities against a conventional opponent. Not only had she met expectations, but completely surpassed them. Voluntarily tasking herself to capacity, she disrupted the very marrow of their response by jamming, falsifying, and disrupting communications and guided munitions alike.
They were already frayed at the seams as they passed through the envelope the beacon had been emitting. But her efforts further unraveled what little combative capacity they still had.
It bought them enough time to lock in what was now set in motion. It wouldn't matter what the Hegemony was staging for their QRF. Even if it were capable of turning the tide, it wouldn't matter. They wouldn't make it in time.
It was a silent war for her. Her interventions had done just as much of the heavy lifting as every bullet and missile had.
The operation overall was a resounding success. Despite the odds that pressed, they came out on top again.
Yet, despite meeting all the criteria for what would make a successful mission, she observed from the crew, only vexed frowns and tense brows.
And she understood why they all looked that way.
It was after they knew they would be rescinding their original plan of warning the citizens of Bahak of the doom that would soon follow and to kill, without quarter, anyone attempting to transit the relay to escape this purge.
The galaxy couldn't risk it. Every thrall was an antenna to spread the madness. To deepen the disarray and dissent upon the unknowing masses.
They could not allow this to metastasize, even if it meant expelling every soul here residing in this sector of space. What would remain would only be memories.
"Mrs. Lawson?"
EDI saw her lip twitch downward. It was subtle, but it betrayed the usual composure she often exuded as Cerberus' proverbial ice queen.
EDI could see it in the posture and face. About how deeply unsettled the woman was. About how wrong this all felt.
She watched her eyes searching emptily past the combat array displayed before her. She could tell because the points at which her pupils were focusing weren't at all studying the battle unfolding over the graphical display.
They were staring at all the what-ifs running through her head.
As Lawson's hands clutched the railing, EDI had determined she was crushed by the weight of what they were doing.
Or, at least, EDI was positive that was the case. Miranda had been a bit of a basket case for EDI's algorithms. But she did slowly learn to build for herself a reliable profile pattern.
"We're the scapegoat, EDI." Came an answer at last.
"That would be an appropriate metaphor." EDI supplied.
"The alliance or republic. The union or hierarchy. It bloody well doesn't matter. They would've done the same thing. Would they not?"
"Likely so, Mrs. Lawson. Given the circumstances."
EDI's guess on her disposition had been on the money after all.
"…Any developments?" Miranda asked in all a manner of ways for about the 30th time.
"Sustained Cerberus casualties minimal. Remaining batarian task groups maintaining offensive posture, but faltering. They are still pressing forward."
"Persistent." She remarked sadly to the damnation, "Those poor bloody fools. Why can't they just give up."
EDI's tone was neutral as it always was. "It is their home."
Miranda's answer was silence as she hung her head, realizing tacitly what she should've seen as bravery and courage in the face of insurmountable odds. They faced complete annihilation, yet they continued.
However misguided it all was, it deserved admiration and respect. They were trying to protect their families and their lives. Even if they were already dead. If not by them, then the reapers in two days in ways worse than death.
She acknowledged it. Accepted how her hand had played into this. She stared hauntingly at the display and knew, that under different stars, had she been in their position, she would've done the same thing.
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With the last of every member of the ground team boarding the lift, it ascended. A group nearly fifty strong, they all huddled in their circles leaving John alone with Legion as they both stared up at the shaft.
Tali combed her way through the people until she saw who she was looking for.
The first thing Juel felt as soon as he saw Tali was being squeezed by her.
"Hey. He's mine." Olasie moped with a tired grin. Tali went for her next.
"Shut up, you bosh'tet." She mumbled, "It's good to see you guys again. I missed you."
She went and crushed Teri too. Even Darehk was a victim to Tali's arms.
"Please tell me you destroyed that beacon to absolute smithereens."
"Yes. Bits and pieces. You'd have to filter the air to find most of it." Teri said.
Talukh squeezed in by them all and cleared his throat tentatively. "Hey. Hope we didn't miss too much."
"Trust me, Lukh. You didn't." Teri sighed, her eyes growing weary, "It was a pretty one-sided fight. It wasn't even remotely fair."
"Garrus told us, yeah." Lukh managed. The way she inflected her tone told him enough.
"I'm sorry."
"It's messing with my head." Teri tried to say lightheartedly, but it came out flat and the opposite of that.
"Teri," Tali breathed with some composure, "I know this is something that you're going to struggle to convince yourself of, but those people were… they were already gone. What you did was mercy. There is no returning from that."
"Yeah," Teri inhaled, "I know."
From the sidelines and not far off, was John watching Tali conversing with Olasie and her squad.
Arms crossed and hip pressed against the rail so he could let his eyes meander across the circles of people all under his command.
Jacob, Jack, and Kasumi conversing. Samara and Mordin silently listening. Zaeed and Thane both standing by in their corner in the dark. Grunt eating a snack while Lieutenant Dan passed by to make his rounds amongst his men. Lastly was Garrus and his team huddled together.
"Shepard-Commander." Legion spoke to grab John's attention.
"Yes, Legion."
"We believe it necessary to disclose data when we are reintegrated with Normandy. Something that may be relevant to the old machine's exchange with you."
"Mind telling me now?"
"This is not an appropriate time."
"Find me after I've eaten and showered, then, if that's alright."
"Affirmative."
"Thoughts?"
"Specify."
"About what Harbinger said."
A brief illumination over both their faces.
"We are building consensus. We have nothing to divulge with you at the moment."
The shadows that crept and crawled continued.
"Well, I'll tell you what I think."
"Acknowledged. Please offer input."
"Makes me wonder if the reapers are spread apart across more than just one galaxy. What it said. I can't get it out of my head. Only one of the few remaining? What does that even mean."
"That is a valid concern." Legion offered after a moment, "Geth believe we may never fully discover the true motivations of the old-machines; nor find substantive data for these claims. Regardless, we must not allow them any opportunity to end this cycle."
"I'm gonna try my hardest." Shepard agreed, "But it only makes me wish I knew what the bigger picture was."
"The details are unforthcoming." Legion said in his own way of agreeing.
Rumbling and creaking from the lift.
"I'm going to check up on Garrus."
"Acknowledged."
John walked over to his group and gave a small, halfhearted wave.
"Garrus." He greeted before looking at the rest of Archangel's team, "Everyone. I—" Shepard suddenly wondered if this was a bad time to bring it up. But he felt like it warranted saying.
"…I'm sorry about Sidonis."
"Don't be," Morehk answered on Garrus' behalf, "we'll avenge his death, Shepard. It wasn't for nothing."
He got nods of agreement.
As much as he respected the decision of Garrus' squad, he wanted to hear what his friend had to say. "Garrus?"
"It all leads back to the reapers, Shepard. We'll exact for ourselves what they took from us."
What was at first a subtle nod turned into a thoughtful frown before he brought up a hand to bump the turian's shoulder. "…Okay."
They finally reached the end of their ride and began to clamber off toward the bay. They could see the two kodiaks now with Audrey still there, rifle in hand, but waving to them all.
"Is the extra pickup almost here?" Juel asked to no one in particular.
Olasie brought up her O-T to get a view of their ETA. "Just about, yeah."
On a cue, they saw a convoy of three enter the bay and land. Shepard, leading them all, faced them while backpedaling.
"Get aboard. Double-time."
"Which one should we go in, you think?" Juel asked Tali as they began to jog.
"I don't know. Pick one."
"Alright. You coming with us?"
"Maybe." Tali began to distance herself to take her usual spot next to John, "Just go. We'll find you if we do."
Juel and Olasie's squad peeled off toward one of the kodiaks.
"Hey." Tali greeted timidly to John. They maintained their walking pace as everyone around them strode by in a slight run.
"Hey to you."
"…Are you okay?"
"Frankly, no. I'm not." He said dispassionately. They kept walking and he finally looked at her.
Her dim eyes met his and did her best to pour as much love as she could in her stare. "…I'm here for you."
He wanted to hold her face in his hand. He wanted to thank her.
But he didn't.
He stopped to keep his view on them all as his team split themselves evenly to climb aboard their rides.
She didn't part from him.
When they were all aboard, that left only him, Tali, and Audrey who approached the pair.
"What should we do about Wagon-1?" Audrey asked.
"Think you can limp her back to Normandy?"
"I'd like to, yeah."
"Okay. Want us to tag along?"
"Negative, Commander." Audrey said, already turning around to get back in her rust bucket, "I want you in the safest kodiak here."
"See you back on the Normandy, then."
"Alright, commander."
One last look behind him to make sure everyone was accounted for.
"Garrus, everyone on your team aboard?" John asked over coms.
"Yes."
"Jacob?"
"All aboard, Commander."
He gave his fiancé a stare.
"Ready?"
"I am."
They found the shuttle carrying Olasie's team and boarded. With a timid and somber glance back after they took their seats, she watched the hatch begin to close, its gears whirring to clamp and seal them to the security of the cabin.
In an orderly fashion, their rides took off back to the breach of space, leaving behind the asteroid for good.
"How long until we're there?" John asked their pilot, craning his neck slightly.
"Fifteen minutes, sir." Came a reply.
His head fell back against the headrest. "Very good."
Soon enough John erected a wall around everyone. He became a statue. Shoulders low. Stare set outward to the expanse. Hands tied loosely together.
She could feel it. A chasm between them stretching out, keeping them separated.
She wanted to reach out. To hold his hand. To tell him everything would be okay.
But she didn't.
She looked to see Olasie sitting by Juel across from her along with the rest of her squad. She opened a channel with her tapping the side of her head to tell Olasie she wanted to talk privately.
Olasie caught the motion and accepted the call.
"Hey." Olasie greeted.
"I'm assuming it was bad."
"…What?"
"When you got to Kenson's station. I don't think I've seen that many dead in one place."
Olasie gazed at Juel, her features temporarily hidden from Tali.
"Yeah." Was all that the woman managed to say.
"What about the doctor? How did she…?"
"She tried to lead us in her wheelchair. They just shot her dead as soon as they saw us. We laid her down and didn't think it right to leave her there sitting in it."
"Keelah."
"It was all a fight after. The whole way through. Room by room. Barely a gun between them." She could see Olasie take a moment to fill herself full of air. "I don't think Teri really drove it home right. It was worse than a massacre. They just wouldn't stop."
"I wish I was there. For your sake."
There was a pall of silence that ebbed. "…Can I bring Juel in here?"
"Yeah." Tali breathed quietly.
"What's up." Juel glanced between them both.
"You okay?" Tali asked tentatively.
It took him a moment to think. She watched him run his hands roughly down his thighs.
"I'll be fine."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about me. What you said helped. It was mercy. We tried to be as clean as possible with our shots."
"I just want to be gone from here already." Olasie croaked sadly, "I want it all behind me."
"Will be soon enough." Juel offered, giving Olasie a soft stare. He looked at John next, still preoccupied with the window and the stars that passed by.
"How's John?"
Tali immediately began to play with her hands, eyes cast downward.
"I don't know." She said honestly, fighting back what felt like helplessness.
"It looks like he's… taking this kind of hard."
Tali tried to get another glimpse of John, but it stung to see him that way. She felt so incredibly powerless right now to do anything about it.
"He is." She managed.
"He thinks it's his responsibility. Doesn't he."
That seemed obvious. It had to be what he was thinking and Tali knew it. What else could it be? She herself felt it. They all did.
So why did he act like they had a choice in the matter? She knew if she'd been living somewhere on Aratoht, she'd rather be consumed in the freeing embrace of an exploding relay than be subsumed into some culled abomination. Death was sympathy. It was the most humane thing possible.
But.
It also felt like a cop-out. An appalling justification to reduce what was, at its core, an atrocity. An act of barbarity they beat the reapers to. The pit she'd been wrestling in her gut grew and her throat tightened.
"All you can do, Tali… is be there for him." Olasie offered.
Tali's reply was a mumble. "I know."
Her friends got an eyeful of John. His posture wasn't something to admire.
Tali gestured to them with a neck cutting motion to end the call.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
Audrey was last in the procession. She whittled her way into the bay and, with a final shuddering sigh, powered down its three good thrusters before the side latch groaned open to reveal her walking out. She found Shepard among the crowd and gave him a thumbs up.
John gave her a subtle nod and began another silent headcount to everyone crossing his vision.
Kylie watched them all from the engineering panorama. Still in her crutches, she picked out Olasie and the others leaving the kodiak before giving them all a wave, to which they returned, though less vibrantly.
By now, John, having satisfied his mental roll call, hollered out to his leadership.
"Chiefs and leads on me."
Olasie, Garrus, Jacob, Dan, Mordin, and Tali met him.
The spirit of Bahak was already upon him. His eyes died a little.
"Have you dismissed your teams?"
A small chorus of yeses.
"Good. Then I want all of you to follow me up to CIC."
They all went in with John and began their ride up.
With John at the forefront and his back facing them all, he took in a breath that didn't sound all that steady.
He couldn't hold back any longer. He had to tell them here and now.
He only hoped Tali would understand.
"…I know this is hard to process what we're about to do. But I want you to know. All of you. That it wasn't you that pressed that button. It was me. Me alone, do you understand?"
He turned around to look at all their faces. All of them hard and unreadable save for one.
Tali's.
Her glare wasn't just that. It was piercing. A blade. An open scowl stretched across her features just before she gave Olasie a glance before everyone else in the room.
"We were all there." She admonished, "You pressing a button doesn't absolve the rest of us. You can't shoulder that alone. That's not fair. Not to you or us."
"You're right. It isn't fair." He intoned quietly, stare softening, "But politically? Officially? It's not your burden to share."
She felt her blood chill at what his inner monologue had revealed. He was essentially putting himself at a distance from the rest of them. To keep them clear of what would arise in the ashes of this catastrophe.
A stopgap between them and the Normandy.
Between her.
"We're going to leave it at that." His tone commanded silence. He turned back around just as the doors began to part with Miranda already there waiting to meet them.
"The Commander has the deck. XO Lawson stands relieved."
"Status?" He requested.
"Cerberus elements are withdrawing, Commander. We'll be entering the relay's envelope shortly to transit out of the Bahak system." Lawson answered.
John climbed to take his place on the galaxy map and pressed his PA for Joker.
"How long until we're out of the system."
"Declaration in seven, Commander."
So that was it. They did it. He faced them all, an expression of stone plastered over his face.
Soon enough, they'll have killed everyone and everything in the system.
No matter what the caveat was or the context surrounding their decision here, the galaxy at large would never know or see it the way it needed to be seen.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
An 80/20 blend on brioche, adorned with all the desired trimmings, waited patiently for him. Fries, too, nestled beside them.
All untouched.
He couldn't find the appetite. Detached from his eyes, he stared listlessly while the backdrop of their shower ran with Tali inside and the door left ajar.
Two and a half hours had come and gone since their arrival back to Normandy, hours that had Tali moving through the motions of offloading her gear and giving everything a thorough check before cleaning it off and stowing it away in her assigned locker.
John, in that same amount of time, had studied thoroughly the operation order to finally make sense of this mess from top to bottom before finally retiring to their quarters with Tali beating him there.
Steam was unfurling from behind and he could feel the humidity meet him.
He rose up slowly and entered the bathroom to see her still in her suit, hands pressed against the wall as the dirt and blood and mud ran down her clothes in rivulets.
Invisible to him, but her eyes were open. A lifeless gaze as she watched the swirls of brown and red channel their way to the drain below.
The Normandy stood vigil amid a Cerberus flotilla, master arms readied against the Bahak's partnered relay.
But nothing came. Not a single ship other than those belonging to Cerberus had made it.
It was done. They were gone. Three hundred thousand men, women, and children erased from the cosmos. Gone from the universe.
She set a hand against the knob and turned off the shower. She felt steady hands from behind begin to dry her off.
"…Thank you." She murmured.
"Of course."
He bent down to dry her legs. Neither of them had a thing to say to each other for the entire duration of him wiping her down.
"There." He finished, discarding the damp towel toward the hamper, "You can change."
She stood straighter and cathartically strode past him to exit the bathroom without meeting his gaze.
He didn't move from his spot. Jaw flexed, eyes growing distant.
"…How're you feeling?" He asked from where he was, head pitched upward to look at the ceiling.
A question that hung in the air.
She hadn't moved far and was staring at his uneaten meal. "…About the same as you."
She didn't hear him say anything from the bathroom.
"…You should eat, John." She added.
He went and leaned against the breadth of the door, her back facing him again as she stared at his plate.
"I know."
Neither of them wanted to break that barrier. To speak about what they'd just done. About what he said. About how they had just wiped off an entire system from the galaxy with hundreds of thousands of people living in it to, once again, bide the galaxy time.
"What happens now." She asked tiredly, taking that emotional leap, headfirst into this elephant in the room.
"We finish this," He answered, "We carry on with the mission."
Quietness in this slowly passing moment.
"We kill the collectors." He finished.
"And after?" She ventured warily.
"…One bridge at a time, Tali."
She finally turned around to show what was left of herself.
"No, I need to know now." Came a teary-eyed stammer, "I can't not know. What you said in the elevator," She brought up a hand to the glass that covered her face, "That —that hurts. It's like you know what's going to happen to you. Like you're planning something. And keeping me out of it."
His frown told her everything she needed to know about the kind of consequences that would follow doing what they did.
"I destroyed an entire system, Tali."
He did it again.
ㅤ ㅤI.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤMe.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ Solo.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤAlone.
She felt an inferno burn inside her chest and her patience ruptured.
"WE. WE DID." She screamed, hands like knives against her own chest.
He turned his head away and didn't face her.
She covered her face of glass with two open palms and choked out a sob, lungs robbed of breath.
"I…—oh god, John. What have we done."
John felt a tear fall from his eye. Then two.
"I don't know, Tali." What little he could hold onto broke and a suppressed cry bled out. "I have no idea." It forced him to put a hand on his hip while his other hid his eyes.
His voice almost became a panic. "I don't know—I don't know!"
Silence felled until there was a muffled whimper that finally broke from her. "What are you planning."
He felt his nose run and his voice get thick. "I'm… going to have to face this somehow. Somewhere. I don't know when. But I know I have to."
"Stop." She sliced the air with an open hand, "No. No you don't." The tone was venomous, "Don't you dare."
"I will have to face the music. What we did was a crime."
She wilted. He saw her clutch her chest as if she'd been stabbed by the words he'd pulled from his mouth.
"They'll kill you for it." She sobbed darkly, "Then I'll—" Her sentence died before it was even finished and her shoulders shook from hardly held tears.
She imagined the pain of losing him. Again. To see him surrender himself to the agency of some authority shackling him to a slaughter to right some perceived wrong.
She knew what that would be like because she had to live through two years of it. Her skin crawled and she was suddenly hovering over that dormant abyss. An old chain that tethered her to its chapped mouth while its dark maw smiled open.
"Don't do this," It wasn't so much of a command as it was plea, "Don't do this to me."
A tear from each eye fell before she strung together what was left of her strength to hold her stare steady. "I'm begging you."
With how she looked, he might as well have aimed his gun at her chest and pulled the trigger.
With all the energy that he could muster, he wrapped his arms around the woman he loved as she wept out her desperation, fists balled against his chest.
"Shh." He consoled her as best he could, "Hey. Stop."
He felt her palpitating throbs of breath aching away from her.
"Answer me." Anguish soaked her through, voice a dead ember, "…Tell me you won't."
The answer was soft. Nearly silent. It barely made it past his lips. "…Okay."
"Promise me."
Fields of ice lay over his eyes. A face pervaded by fear. By guilt.
She wanted a promise after he'd broken so many. He'd already failed her dying over Ullipses. Then he'd almost done it again over Mnemosyne inside a reaper corpse.
And here he was. About to make another in the wake of promising two prisoners of an empty future that were doomed to die on Aratoht.
His words felt weightless. Hollow. He didn't want them to be. But they held no value to him.
"…I promise."
She hadn't a clue of the turmoil pinning him. All she needed was that simple vow. And just like that, the weight of their quarrel fell from her soul and she heaved a breath from the suffocation that nearly ended her.
But the tears didn't stop.
She parted herself from her mask and set it on the desk before turning around to give him a trembling kiss on his cheek with arms spread around him.
"There is nothing you need to face," She assured, "Do you understand me? Nothing."
She clung onto him because she couldn't let him go. Seconds crawled by and she lost herself to his embrace.
The PA cleaved through the sanctity of their wordless silence by crackling to life.
"Commander," EDI announced, "Legion is requesting for you."
They barely pulled apart and he stared into her teary eyes.
"Where is he?"
"Waiting outside your quarters."
Tali cleared her throat and reluctantly stepped back, rubbing away the streaks that blemished her face.
"Hold on, EDI," John said before leaning in close to her, "You good with Legion coming in here?"
"Sure." She settled herself against their desk and crossed her arms meekly.
"What about…?" He pointed at her mask as a suggestion to put it back on.
"No." She murmured, shaking her head only once.
John didn't show his surprise. "…Let Legion in, EDI."
"Understood, Commander."
They could hear the anteroom get bathed in mist to clean its chassis. Thirty more seconds to gather their composure before the geth was granted access to the cabin.
Mechanical steps before the machine emerged, pausing some distance away from them both.
"Creator-Zorah. Hello."
Naked eyes beset toward Legion, she realized that she really didn't have a care in the universe that she still didn't have her mask on. Legion had seen nearly half the quarians here in their head bubbles when infirm. It wasn't some closely guarded secret how they looked.
"Hello, Legion."
"…Have we come at a bad time?"
"No." Tali shrugged indifferently.
It reached consensus. She was lying. There was much more for Legion to go off of this time.
Regardless, it took her word for it.
"Shepard-Commander." It greeted before its single eye fell to the food, "You have not yet eaten. Are you certain that this is an appropriate time?"
"Yes," Giving both the burger and Tali's nakedness a weary glance, "Please. You said you had something for me?"
"We do. We believe we know how the old-machines can observe, in near real-time, distant parts of the universe."
"Enlighten us."
"Geth possess non-passive instrumentation via repurposed relays. This allows us significantly reduced 'light-lagged' data from deep space. However, we do not possess, to the extent implied by Harbinger, their observational capabilities."
"Ever see anything Harbinger was talking about with it?"
"Negative. From what little we have observed, we have not discovered anything acutely unusual."
"You're talking about the Kholas Relay." Tali murmured, knowing already of its existence. "Is that what you're referring to?"
"That would be correct."
She honestly didn't care about this right now. Maybe it was the emotional toll she'd just spent up or it was the exhaustion from the last day, or both. But she didn't have it in her to worry about what the reapers wanted or what their underlying goals were.
"Legion, I—" She grimaced and sniffled, "I'm almost done caring about why they do this." Tali whispered, crossing her legs too and letting her gaze meet the floor. "I just want them dead. I want them dead and gone."
"Comprehending their motivations is pivotal to their defeat. It must be the foundation upon how we construct our strategy. The collective has now prioritized this effort. It is our assessment that identifying this phenomena Harbinger has alluded to may uncover vulnerabilities or intentions hidden to us."
It faced John.
"All available data has been disseminated from your exchange with Harbinger. The collective is repurposing observation schedules to begin our search."
"That's… that's phenomenal. But I'm not seeing how that's going to help us."
"It may not." Legion agreed, "The limitation of our technology and the undefined parameters of this 'scourge' will complicate discovery. Nonetheless, every data fragment that can elucidate the old-machines' aims merits examination. No endeavor to understand is too minor."
"Fair enough." John held his chin and tried desperately to think despite what now felt like sea of brain fog.
"…Tali. Perhaps it prudent we circle back with your father. See if he's ever managed to find anything else from your pilgrimage gift. Maybe there's something else in there that could divulge more about Harbinger and his 'test' on Ullipses and Haestrom's sun."
"Okay." She said simply. Her heart wasn't in it. But she knew that would pass given everything they still had to digest.
"Thank you Legion. Is that all?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Creator-Zorah." It called for her.
Tali looked up.
"We recognize the significance of the absence of your visor. We are… appreciative of the gesture."
She was not given an opportunity to reply. It turned around and walked out.
Tali couldn't work her mouth to say anything. But John propped up a pursed smile, however small, and gave her a look.
"Wow. You two really are becoming friends."
She met him with a red eyed glare and reached for two tissues to blow her nose before balling it up and throwing it at him.
For all the terrible things she'd felt today, the things he'd said, and the stuff they'd done, she still found it in her to do something as lighthearted as that.
A small laugh from him and her heart felt itself lighten.
"Come on, Miss vas Neema," He breathed, "Let's get you out of that and get you a real shower."
She drew up a paltry smile. "Okay."
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
It was hard to find privacy aboard the Normandy.
Out of all the inhabitants the Normandy had the responsibility of housing, only John and Tali had the fortune of owning privacy. With an entire deck to themselves, the vessel's space king and queen could watch from their suite above down to the rest of their lowly subjects having to make do with sneaking around and hoping whatever corner of the ship you picked wouldn't be discovered by anyone passing by.
Olasie had coaxed Juel to follow her down in engineering, further away from their usual spot, to slip into the tight spaces of the nooks and crannies of the Normandy, far away from the prying eyes of someone like Jack or a random crewman.
So here they sat. Literally. Knees up to their chests and arms wrapped around their legs to fit.
She kind of felt like a child doing this.
"Can I talk now?" Juel rasped.
"Yes."
"Why'd you bring me here?"
"I…" Olasie's brow went into a furrow. "I just wanted to spend time with you."
Juel scanned his right and peered into the pipes ahead as if he could spot someone.
"Oh. In here? It's kinda tight."
Their toes were touching each other.
"I wanted to spend time with you alone."
"…Oh." Came the same answer. He didn't want her second guessing herself, so he reached out for her hand and squeezed it.
"You're so perceptive." Olasie moaned with an eyeroll.
"Thanks."
She eased her breath, tone mellow. "…Feeling any better?"
Her loaded question made Juel grimace inwardly.
"I think so."
"…Does it feel as bad as Horizon?"
"In my heart?" He tried to think harder but came up empty handed so he shrugged. "No."
He decided to take a place beside her instead. "But it should."
"It could've been three hundred million." She tried.
"Sure." He muttered, "But three hundred thousand is still a lot."
It was. Three hundred thousand lives, stories, hopes, and dreams all gone. Sacrificed. For time.
"It doesn't even feel real." She said without it wanting to sound callous, "I suppose it… just hasn't settled in yet."
"No. I suppose not." Juel sighed and lost himself to what was, embarrassingly, only a mild ache of pain in his chest, "Pretty hard to comprehend."
She toyed with her hands, suddenly interested in looking at only them. She recalled the faces of the people she'd cut down to make their way to the beacon and it made her squeeze them shut.
"I still can't believe what we got ourselves into." It almost came out like a confession even if it wasn't intended to be. She couldn't imagine herself anywhere but here. But it still warranted voicing the discomfort, however intrusive the thought was.
She saw him thinking.
"…You asked me two weeks ago if I ever had any regrets being here." Juel mentioned since it was appropriate.
Her self-perception had her shrink under his gaze, even if there was no malice behind his stare.
When he didn't get anything from Olasie, he continued.
"…Do you ever think you could've had it in you to stay behind and leave Tali alone out here?"
"Of course not." She said immediately.
"Then you know you wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
"I know."
"Can't let her down."
"I know." She repeated sullenly.
"Blissful ignorance would be nice." Juel confessed himself.
"I feel like John and Tali could use some of that right now."
"Can't imagine how their conversations even go." Juel murmured as he tried to imagine it. "We really do have it easier than those two."
"Hm."
"And we don't have to order anyone around." Juel said a little too quickly, "—Uhm. I don't have to order anyone around."
"Mm." Olasie hummed again with a crabwise squint.
His laugh was dry and he wanted to the press his hands into his eyes.
"I haven't asked you in a while how you're feeling."
"Yes you did."
"No, I meant—"
A little glance and an interruption from her. "—Oh. Just everything in general?"
"Yes." He mollified, "Horizon. Bekenstein. Garrus riding your ass. Darehk and Legion. This."
The ease at which he could catalogue her burdens burned. "…Yeah. I'm…"
She played with her hands more. Intertwined them. A lot like Tali did when she got anxious.
He gathered enough from that to know she wasn't going to respond.
"It's okay." He said in place of where her reply was supposed to be.
All she could do was nestle into his comfortable nook while an arm wrapped around her.
"…Thanks for coming down here with me." She said instead, her tone withering after releasing her trapped voice.
He ran his hand down the length of her shoulder and squeezed it tenderly. Something was clearly bothering her and he dipped his head to see if he could get something more out of the woman.
Seeing the look, she took her hand and let it rest on his waist.
"Remember when you said… that you loved me?" Her words were stripped of warmth.
He'd said that only two days ago. "Of course I do."
"I'm scared, Juel." Olasie admitted timidly.
The two of them sat in their silence. Minds ruminating the similarities of the conversation they had nearly two weeks ago now.
"I'm scared too, O."
"And… I—" She held her breath until it hurt, "It's stupid. And I don't know why it keeps popping up in my head."
"What?"
She faced him as best she could, her eyes a sad glow.
"I…"
She turned away and faced the pipes in front of them again, lips pressed shut, face mortified.
"What is it?"
What almost sounded like a wheeze came out. "I want to marry you."
He blinked several times and his eyes looked surprised. And he was surprised. Olasie had always been a pretty straightforward person. He just didn't expect her to be this straightforward. Up until recently, he didn't even know that she liked him. Tali may have thrown hints about Olasie's infatuation at some point way back, but his mind had been, understandably, elsewhere in the five year wake of losing Serah.
Arm still around her and both of them staring at the conduits that ran length wise, he gave her a quick once over.
"…Really?"
She grumbled. "See, I told you. Stupid."
He squeezed her shoulder again, but tightly.
"Why would you think that's stupid?"
"Because we're not even a thing yet. One kiss and I'm opening all this up on you last second because we all might die. That's not how this is supposed to work."
"We've known each other for years." He reached for the front of his neck, "I don't think there isn't a thing we don't know about each other. So it… sounds perfectly normal to me." He said steadily.
Her head craned upward to try and meet his eyes, fragile hope gleaming. "….So is that a yes or…"
Juel stole himself time to think.
That request was a leap, yes. An extraordinary one.
His deliberation, brief as it was, had him looking at Serah's apparition. A silhouette outlined on the horizon of his mind. He felt himself ensnared. Caught in his usual and very familiar space, he only stared back, sadness beating through his heart.
He wanted to be happy. Longed for it. But that felt like having to leave Serah where she lay. To let her go and to stop dragging her along with him.
But, moreover that, was the worry that this was another mistake in the making. He'd said it to Tali a long time ago. The line of work they did—love was a setup for disaster.
But would losing Olasie cut any less deep if they hadn't become something more? They'd shared so much with each other already.
Their secrets and battles. Their moments and memories, both big and small. Even the ones down to the mundane. The garbage jokes. The cat videos. The silly fanfiction she would read on occasion and bother him with. Or that awful tattoo of hers he kept mentioning. The one she had yet to get removed.
Clarity crystallized him. Made him realize that, after how long they'd known each other and the things they'd done, losing her would be no less devastating than losing Tali or any of the others.
Its discovery was sudden, but he realized he'd already been caged by love's curse.
So the answer was no. It wouldn't cut any less deep if he'd lost her.
Yearning and weariness was what met him when he stared at her. He could see it clearly even in the dark because they were so close to each other.
There was a bottom line to this all. He loved her deeply. Genuinely. He meant it when he said it.
Stepping back, he'd realized how astounding it was he'd crossed this path. To find himself aboard the Normandy's legacy when it used to be just some passing footnote—long before he'd even known who Tali was.
But here they were. The two of them caught in some grand purpose, falling in love along the way.
Not a bone of regret in his body. For whatever lay ahead, should death claim him soon, it was, ultimately, worth it. If not for him, then for Olasie. For Tali. And, indeed, the galaxy.
She could see his eyes skirting her face, an intensity she'd seen before, and she let him.
"Juel?" She asked to try and coax something from him.
He depressed the mechanisms that would let him peel off his mask. A light resounding hiss escaped and air rushed in.
Naked to the world, she saw him bare.
"I can't propose without being able to stare you straight in the eye."
Oh. Oh my.
Stolen of breath, her hands stirred and she drew them up slowly to drop her hood before following after him.
A second hiss. They weren't the cleanest looking given everything, but that didn't matter.
"O. I'll marry you."
"Can't even say my full name for it, huh?"
He kissed her. And she pressed in.