Chapter Forty-One
Charlie and Anna both arrived with bright smiles and gifts for Cas. Charlie would be staying in their room again, but Anna had booked a hotel room for herself. Both of them approached Dean at different times and asked him about Gabriel.
'Still nothing,' he said, when Cas was out of earshot.
Anna sighed sadly, but Charlie was furious, and Dean noticed her on her phone whenever Cas wasn't looking, apparently trying to track down Gabriel herself.
Cas didn't mention Gabriel at all, but Dean knew he still believed that Gabriel would turn up.
'There's no way he'd miss something so important,' Cas insisted, and Dean refrained from reminding him that Gabriel had missed his eighteenth birthday.
Anna stayed late with them, as Mary had insisted on making dinner for everyone.
Charlie was happy to have a whole bed to herself, as Cas slept in Dean's. Despite his efforts to stay positive, he clutched at Dean in his sleep, and bad dreams crumpled his face.
Dean lay awake, holding Cas close and gently stroking his arm until the dreams subsided.
When Cas woke up, he was in a bright mood, and got up early to make breakfast for everyone. Dean followed him downstairs and set about making coffee.
Breakfast was full of pleasant chatting, but once they were done, anticipation and excitement filled the house.
Cas and Dean both got dressed into nice suits that they'd chosen for the ceremony, and waited for everyone else to get ready.
To Cas's surprise, Charlie emerged from the bathroom wearing a floral dress.
'What?' she asked at his expression.
'That's just not the kind of thing I'd expect you to wear.'
Charlie laughed. 'I'm an enigma, Castiel,' she said. 'But also, sometimes I wanna look traditional.'
Cas smiled. 'You look nice.'
'I know.'
Anna arrived not long after, and then it was finally time to go.
Dean carefully put their garment bags into the Impala. He would be driving to school with Cas, Anna, and Charlie. Mary, John and Sam would follow behind in Mary's car.
It was a warm day, but thankfully not too hot. The sun shone merrily overhead, only occasionally dimmed by a fluffy white cloud.
The ceremony would be held out on the track field, and there were already crowds of people waiting outside when they parked.
As they got out, Dean saw Cas scan the crowd, searching for Gabriel. He bit his lip when he saw no sign of his brother, but then shook his head, and grabbed the bag containing his cap and gown from the car.
Mary, John and Sam parked beside them.
'Okay, see you out there,' Dean said to them, shouldering his own bag.
Mary clapped her hands excitedly. 'Enjoy it. You guys earned this.'
'Thanks, Mom,' Dean grinned, kissing her cheek.
He and Cas went inside, where the rest of their class were milling around, and unzipped their bags.
Dean took a moment to look at the black gown inside, allowing his pride at his achievement to flood through him. Two years ago, it hadn't even occurred to him that he would make it this far. A year ago, when he decided to pull it together, it seemed an almost insurmountable task. He smiled to himself and pulled the gown over his head, adjusting it around his shoulders until it sat right.
When he turned around, Cas was wearing his gown, but it was slightly askew, so Dean helped him fix it.
'You look great,' Dean murmured, brushing the gown smooth.
Cas cupped Dean's face with both hands and kissed him.
'I'm proud of you,' Cas said quietly, pressing their foreheads together.
'I hope you're proud of yourself too,' said Dean.
'I am,' Cas smiled.
'Okay, break it up,' came Jo's voice, as she made her way over to them. Her hair was set in soft waves and she had a green dress on under her black gown.
Dean hugged her tightly, and she patted his back awkwardly.
'Thanks, Dean,' she said, touched by his gesture but trying not to show it.
Crowley and Kevin spotted them and came over, both also wearing suits.
'Don't we all look nice,' Crowley smirked.
'Yeah, we did good,' Dean agreed.
After about an hour of waiting, they were all lined up in alphabetical order, and put their caps on. Dean was the last in line and reluctantly let go of Cas's hand as Cas went to take his place.
They were then led out onto the field, where their families had already been seated, and sat down in rows of chairs that had been set out for the ceremony.
A small stage had also been erected, where their teachers and Principal Jackson sat. A podium with a microphone took centre stage.
The seniors all filed across the field and took their seats.
Dean saw Cas sitting a row ahead of him, and saw Cas twisting in his seat, his eyes sweeping the seated families. A frown creased his forehead, but he didn't appear to find what he was looking for.
Once everyone was seated Mr Jackson got up and stood at the podium.
'Thank you all for coming today,' he began. 'My favourite part of the year is always this. Celebrating the hard work and achievements of our students brings me such joy. Now, this year has been more difficult to navigate than others, but that makes this day all the sweeter, in my opinion. You have all made me very proud, and I know that you'll all do great things in the future.'
Applause broke out, and Mr Jackson smiled widely.
'Now, we'll hear from this year's Valedictorian, our very own Channing Ngo.'
Kevin jumped up, whooping loudly. 'Go Channing!' he yelled, before a glare from one of their teachers put him back in his seat.
Channing took her place at the podium with a huge smile on her face, and blew Kevin a kiss before making her speech.
She talked at length about their future, the freedom and responsibility that would come, and that each of them would find their own path.
Kevin had welled up but the end of it, and he cheered louder than anyone when she finished.
Mr Jackson stepped up to the podium again, this time with a shiny metal clipboard in his hands. 'The time has come,' he said. 'First row, please stand.'
The first row of seniors got up and assembled themselves by the side of the stage until their names were called.
One by one they marched across the stage, taking their diploma, and having their pictures taken with Mr Jackson.
When it was Cas's turn, Dean watched him with pride glowing in his chest.
As Cas walked, he looked out over the crowd. With an unobstructed view, he could now see who was there, and who wasn't. His eyes landed on the seat he had reserved for Gabriel; it was empty. Grief momentarily crossed his face and Dean's heart ached for him, but then he squared his shoulders, smiled, and accepted his diploma.
Dean stared at the back of Cas's head when he sat back down, dying to know what he was thinking and comfort him.
At least it was Dean's turn to make the walk. He stepped up on the stage when his name was called and approached Mr Jackson.
'Well done, Dean,' he said, shaking Dean's hand warmly. 'You earned it.'
'Thank you, sir.'
He accepted his diploma and turned to see his parents and Sam clapping for him. Mary was openly crying, and John looked as though he might burst with pride. Then his gaze fell on Cas. No trace of disappointment touched his features as he beamed brightly at Dean.
He stepped off the stage and went back to his seat clutching his diploma tightly, as if afraid it would disappear.
Mr Jackson once more stood at the podium, smiling widely.
'Congratulations, class, you've officially graduated high school!'
The seniors all stood and cheered, and threw their caps in the air.
Dean's didn't land far, but as he went to pick it up, the terrifying freedom of his future suddenly hit him, and his chest constricted. He could do anything he wanted, and that was both exciting and horrifying.
The students then all mingled with their families and each other. Dean found Cas and put an arm around him, just as the rest of their group came over.
'We did it, guys!' Jo exclaimed, her cheeks flushed.
'Hell yeah we did!' Kevin grinned, high fiving her.
'Yeah, all we have to do now is go to college,' said Dean. He looked around at them all and a pang of sadness hit him. School was over, and soon they would all be in separate places. Crowley would be returning to the UK in less than a week. It would be a long time before they were all together in person again.
The same thought seem to occur to the others as well, and they all fell silent.
Dean bit his lip, then called over to Mary, 'Hey, Mom, come get a picture of us!'
They arranged themselves so they were in frame, and when the rest of their parents saw what they were doing, they all hurried over to take pictures too.
'All right, bring it in,' Dean said, gathering them all up for a group hug.
No one objected, not even Crowley.
'I'm gonna miss you guys,' said Kevin, his voice thick with emotion.
'Are you kidding?' said Dean. 'You're gonna be way too busy being a genius to miss us.'
Kevin laughed.
'We'll be in the group chat all the time,' Jo said, as much to reassure herself as the rest of them.
'Of course we will,' said Cas.
They spent as much time together as possible that afternoon, between getting professional pictures taken by a photographer hired by the school.
All too soon, however, it was time to say goodbye. Mary had booked a nice table at a restaurant, so there was no more time to hang around the school.
Cas and Dean made one more sweep to say goodbye to their friends, before going to take off their gowns.
'Hey, are you okay?' Dean asked softly, now they had a moment alone.
Cas smiled. 'I'm just trying to focus on the positives.'
Dean nodded. 'You're doing great. Just tell me if you need anything.'
'I will.'
With their gowns safely back in their garment bags, they all got back in the cars and followed Mary to the restaurant.
As they were driving, Anna reached over from the back seat and put her hand on Cas's shoulder.
'I'm sorry he didn't come,' she said.
Cas patted her hand and turned to face her. 'It's all right,' he said. 'You're here.'
'I'm glad you found me. I would have hated to miss this.'
Dean gripped the wheel tightly, fighting back the fury rapidly rising in him at the thought of Gabriel. Thankfully, they arrived at the restaurant soon after, and Dean was able to put it out of his mind.
Cas seemed happy all through dinner. He laughed and joked with everyone, but Dean felt his leg pressed against him the entire time.
Once they were home, Mary pulled out a large bottle of champagne and set out glasses, insisting on a toast as they stood around the kitchen. She even permitted Sam a small glass.
'Cas and Dean,' she began, her cheeks pink and tears forming in her eyes. 'After everything you've both been through, it's incredible what you've been able to achieve. You worked so hard and I'm so proud of you. No matter what happens next, you did this. You made it happen. You studied, did all of your homework, and went after your dreams. You two can do anything, I know it.' She sniffed and wiped her eyes, then raised her glass. 'To our boys.'
'Our boys,' the rest of them echoed.
Dean turned to Cas and clinked their glasses together. 'To you,' he murmured.
'And you,' Cas replied.
They all took a sip, then Dean grabbed Cas by the waist and kissed him, much to Sam's disgust.
'We should get another hotel soon,' Dean whispered in Cas's ear, when everyone else had devolved into separate conversation, and were no longer listening.
'Sounds good to me,' Cas said, with a gleam in his eye.
The night wore on, but eventually Anna had to return to her hotel room, and Mary told everyone else to go to bed. Dean was grateful. It had been a long, emotional day, and he was ready to sleep.
He and Cas climbed into bed together, while Charlie took Cas's bed again. With one arm around Cas, and the other in Cas's hair, Dean promptly fell asleep.
Dean stirred a few hours later as Cas gently shook him awake.
'Hey,' he said groggily, rubbing his eyes. 'What's up? You okay?'
Cas was wearing his red hoodie and holding his telescope.
'I can't sleep,' he murmured. 'Can we go out?'
Dean said up, still pulling himself out of sleep. 'Sure,' he said. 'Will Charlie be okay by herself?'
'She's a deep sleeper, but I left her a note.'
Dean nodded. 'All right, let's go.'
He didn't bother getting dressed, he just grabbed some drinks in his pajamas while Cas packed his telescope in the car.
Cas didn't say a word the whole drive. He gazed out of the window, his fists tightly bunched on his knees.
Dean brought him to his favourite spot and watched him set everything up, waiting for him to be ready to talk.
It was almost half an hour before Cas stepped away from the telescope and sat next to Dean on the hood of the Impala. He pulled his red hood over his head and buried his hands in his pockets.
'Did I ever tell you why I wanted to do astrophysics?' he asked quietly, looking up at the sky.
Dean shook his head.
A few more minutes passed before Cas spoke again.
'When I was small my father used to take the three of us stargazing. He taught us the constellations. That was one of the things I missed the most when he was gone. At that age I couldn't understand that he wasn't coming back and I was… hard to manage.' Cas paused to take a deep breath.
'Things have always been difficult for me. I can handle a lot more now, but back then I was scared and confused. Anna used to say that my feelings were too big for me.
'I screamed and cried, I lashed out. If things were really bad I hit myself. I got some foster parents in trouble for the bruises.'
Dean itched to reach out and hold Cas, but he knew that at this moment the touch would overwhelm him.
'Gabriel figured it out though. We were in one of the better places that took all three of us. They even gave us a small allowance.
'One day when I was inconsolable Gabriel came to get me. He didn't say a word. He wrapped me up in his coat, carried me to bed and tucked me in, then turned on this little planetarium projector he'd bought.' Cas sighed and pulled his hands out of his pockets to clasp them in his lap. 'It was cheap, and the stars were blurry, but I was fascinated,' he continued, a hint of a smile in his voice. 'After that, whenever I got too upset, Gabriel would take me to look at it. I went to sleep with it on every night.'
'What happened to it?' Dean asked softly.
Cas shrugged. 'It got lost somewhere between homes. I had a better handle on things by then, though, so I didn't need it so much.' He sniffed. 'Space… the stars… they were the only things that ever made sense to me. You can quantify a star, we know how they work. Astrophysics made sense, and I need things to make sense because this… Gabriel… it doesn't make sense to me, Dean.' He looked at Dean, his eyes glistening. 'I never thought - never imagined - that he would abandon me like this.' He broke off, losing his voice to deep shuddering sobs. He finally reached for Dean, and Dean pulled him in close.
'I'm sorry,' he whispered, hugging him tightly and stroking his hair.
'I don't understand,' Cas moaned into Dean's shoulder. 'He's my big brother, he promised he'd always be there for me.'
'I know,' Dean murmured, gently rocking back and forth.
'I would give up every penny to have him back,' Cas said through his tears. 'I would have already, but it won't help him.'
Dean didn't know what to say. All he could do was hold Cas while his grief racked him.
'Did you bring your coat?' Dean asked, when Cas's sobs subsided.
Cas shook his head.
'Why don't we go home and get it?'
'All right.'
'You sit tight in the car, I'll get everything packed up.'
Cas was too drained to argue, so he just climbed back into the car, and he had dozed off by the time Dean got back in the car. He stirred just enough to rest his head on Dean's shoulder as he drove, but was otherwise still for the drive.
He followed Cas upstairs and settled him into bed, then went to Cas's side of the room to dig in his wardrobe for his coat. He noticed that Charlie was sitting up in bed, concern in her eyes.
'I got it,' he reassured her.
Charlie nodded. 'Was it about Gabriel?' she whispered, and Dean nodded. 'If I ever see him again I'm gonna punch him.'
'Not if I get to him first.'
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