Jesus was destined to be in that awful desert. The blistering hot sun cooked his entire body. He could feel the heat in his beard and the sand on his feet, even with the sandals he wore. The ragged clothing he wore wouldn't even begin to protect him. Then again, he agreed to meet such a fate. For God told him that in that particular desert, Satan would come and tempt him.

And he specifically told him he would definitely not be hallucinating when he saw him. But then again, such hallucinations were not exactly uncommon.

Jesus bulged his eyes and gasped when he heard the hissing sound. His eyebrows narrowed as he turned, dramatically, toward the tall, slithering serpent who dared to approach him. Behind this creature was a demon he knew full well. ''Satan.''

''That'ssss right, Jessssusss,'' he responded while grinning. ''I am-''

''Can you knock it off with the hissing and serpent disguise?''

Satan looked at Jesus, baffled. ''What? N-no! I love thissss dissssguise! It'sss ssslick, it'sss cunning and it'ssss decssseving…''

''Well, it's getting on my last nerves,'' Jesus replied, crossing his arms. ''So stop it!''

Satan groaned. ''Fine!" He then transformed into a form that Jesus recognized, a devilish form with him wearing clothes that would've cost a fortune anywhere. Elegant suit with black ties, as well as a black fur coat, along with leather shoes. These were all the same to him. He knew Satan would wear them, especially with holly-style sunglasses and neatly slicked-back hair as if he was going to some mafia convention. It was like he was compensating for his hideous appearance. Well, then again, no clothes would be elegant enough to hide who he truly was.

"So… You're Jesus, the Son of God, huh?" Jesus nodded in response.

"Indeed I am." Satan responded with a grin that Jesus knew too well.

"Well… how about you prove it?" Satan grabbed the rock from the ground. "With this! If you're the Son of God, command that these stones become bread." Jesus pondered, stroking his chin as he stared at the stone. Then, he looked at Satan.

"So… that's it? Bread?"

"Well, that, or maybe some cheeseburgers or waffle fries from Chick-fil-A. Who knows? Maybe you can turn them into chicken tenders, a Cherry Coke, and a cookie sandwich for dessert," Satan said, smiling.

"Hmmm… Well, they do sound delicious," Jesus said, staring at the stone once more.

"Indeed. So, what do you say, Jesus?" Jesus had thought about it. The fact that he could turn these stones into whatever food and drink he wanted. He could imagine being in a paradise where he would never hunger or thirst. Jesus thought it was such a perfect opportunity. But then, he raised his finger.

"For it is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'" Satan rolled his eyes back.

"Oh, yeah, sure, you're relying on hearsay, huh?" Jesus was taken aback.

"Hearsay?"

"Yes. You're saying fast foods and drinks are bad because some dude in the sky said so."

"What? No, Satan, we're not in court."

"Yes, but, you do realize you have to prove you're the Son of God, right? Just turn them into pizza or something."

"For it is written, 'Man shall not live by pizza alone.'" The two glared at each other. Jesus could feel the rage in Satan's eyes behind those sunglasses. He was more than ready for what Satan had.

"You… You dare reject yourself the opportunity to make the best meal in the universe?"

"I'm always on a diet, Satan," Jesus said, calmly. "You of all people should know that." Satan groaned.

"Ok, ok. Then, uh, turn these stones into apples." Jesus raised his finger again.

"For it is written, 'Man shall not live by apple alone.'"

"Then… turn them into a banana."

"For it is written, 'Man-"

"Alright, alright!" Satan said, clearly annoyed. "I get the point!" Satan knew this was not going to be easy for him. He thought of another idea and grinned. "Then perhaps, this should suffice." Satan snapped his fingers.

Immediately, they were both on the pinnacle of the temple. Jesus gasped and looked around, shocked and confused. "Woah, what the…!?" Jesus looked at the holy city below him. Every single building shone clear light around him, like a dove that flew all round the city, keeping it perfectly cleansed.

"If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down," Satan said, before raising his finger himself, and mimicking Jesus's voice with flawless accuracy. "for it is written, 'He shall give His angels charge over you', and, 'In their hands-'"

"Hold up, hold up," Jesus said, shaking his hands. "Are you telling me to go kill myself?" Satan looked at Jesus as if he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

"Me?" Satan said, feigning innocence in his tone. "Oh no, Jesus. What makes you say that? I wouldn't tell the Son of God to go jump from the cliff and die. God would be mad. Super mad." Jesus saw through Satan's deception. He knew what Satan was up to. After all, lying was his native language. He knew that truth was the most difficult language for Satan to master. Then again, it would've been easier had Satan even tried to practice it. Like before, Jesus raised his finger, causing Satan to groan, as he knew where it was going.

"For it is written, 'You shall not tempt the Lord your God.'" Satan raised his eyebrows.

"What do you mean? I'm not tempting God."

"No, Satan," Jesus said, shaking his head. "I meant 'Don't tempt the Son of God if one is to make cheese sticks.'" Satan widened his mouth and eyes.

"Wait, what!? I-I don't… That doesn't make any sense!" Jesus smiled. He got him.

"I see you have learned how to speak truth, Satan?" At that point, Satan wanted to rip out his own hair.

"Ok, look, how about I give you something better than cheese sticks?"

"Like what?"

"W-well… This!" Satan snapped his fingers, and immediately, they were at the exceedingly high mountain. In fact, it was so high, that Jesus could feel really dizzy just by looking down. Well, if he was human. But, he was the Son of God after all. Jesus looked at all the kingdoms around the world. Everything, from Isreal to the Arab kingdom, to even the Asian temples.

These places competed to tower over the rest to see which one of them would rule the world. Surely, that would've made Jesus want to win that kind of game, Satan thought.

"You see them, Jesus?" Satan said, pointing at those buildings. "I can give you all of these things. You'll rule them all. You'll have all the power on earth. If you simply fall down and worship… me," Satan said, deepening his tone while pointing at himself and grinning at Jesus evilly.

Jesus glared at him. "And… if I refuse?" Satan was once again baffled.

"W-what do you mean? Of course, you'll worship me. I have ice cream."

"Really?" Jesus looked away and stroked his chin, pondering. "Hmmm… Well, I do love myself some ice cream."

"Good! What kind do you want, Ben & Jerry's? Baskin Robbins? Häagen-Dazs?"

"Well… I'll take the Word of God."

"That's not an ice cream brand, you fool!" Satan snapped, his voice more demonic than the last. But Jesus wasn't afraid.

"That's right, Satan. Because only the power of my father can make a much better ice cream than yours."

"Ok, Jesus! If you're just gonna-" Satan stopped himself mid-sentence, then gave Jesus a wide grin, showing all of his teeth. "Oh, I get it now," Satan said, nodding and pointing at Jesus. "You're not really the Son of God, are you? You've only pretended to be one just so you can gain fame and fortune, and build your own cult. Admit it!"

Jesus raised his finger and said, "For it is written-"

"I don't care what is written in that stupid book! Do not test me, Jesus!"

"Then don't do the same to me,'' Jesus replied harshly, glaring at the shocked devil. "Now, away with you, Satan!" Jesus said, with power and conviction, pointing at Satan. "For it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve." Satan clenched his fist. He wanted to hurt Jesus in ways he couldn't even imagine. If only he had the power to banish him into the lakes of fire. But, all he could do was groan like an impotent devil that he felt.

"Fine! I'll leave for now. But don't think you have seen the last of me, Jesus."

"Trust me. I won't. Even if you give me Ben & Jerry's." Satan screamed in frustration and disappeared, leaving Jesus alone.

Jesus sighed in relief and looked up to the sky. "Well, father, it's done."

"Well done, my son," the voice said, deep and booming, yet gentle at the same time. "You have passed the test."

"Indeed, father. So, what's for lunch?"

"I was thinking of some apples. But not the one Adam and Eve ate." Jesus nodded.

"Of course, father."