Chapter 24: Look Who's Inside Again
Val had planted himself patiently on top of Moira's workbench for his follow up. She walked past, looking at her clipboard.
"Off the table," Moira said firmly, not even looking up. She then brought up a screen above the workbench. He sighed and slid off. She scanned over the screen for a bit.
"Are you going to make me do another breathing test today?" Val asked.
"Yes. Your lung function is not where I expected with your accelerated healing." She flipped a page on her clipboard. "If you continue to stagnate another week I'll have to schedule an organ transplant," she sighed, as if rummaging in his rib cage was a minor inconvenience.
Val swallowed, feeling the blood drain from his face.
"What?"
She sighed again. "Your lung function needs to improve to be in optimal condition for field work," she repeated, tiredly. She hated watering stuff down for him. "With the way you have been responding to treatment it seems unlikely."
He felt sweat start to bead on his forehead. "So you're going to replace my lungs?"
"Yes, if I must." She looked down at him, furrowing her brow. "You aren't one to take issue with going under the knife."
He let out a deep breath, thinking. "What if I don't want to do field work?"
"Would you rather be here, doing your disciplinary meetings?"
"Is there a third option?" Val gave a nervous laugh.
Moira raised an eyebrow at him. "Has there ever been a third option? My you're full of questions today."
Val put his hand to his forehead. He was sure the nausea was from being told he would need a lung transplant like it was the weather. He took a deep breath, trying to finish his follow up while taking this information in stride, although he wasn't very successful. He didn't have much choice in the matter. He never had a choice in the matter. He tried to recall the last time he had a choice, but the thought made him sick to his stomach.
Next, Val was on his way to go get his monthly, or weekly, or bi-weekly, or however-often-they-felt-like list from Doomfist, because he didn't get special treatment of course, they couldn't let him think that, when he walked into Doomfist's office. Reaper was there, talking to Akande, and Val paid no mind. He had other things to worry about
"I'm here for my list," Val said, interrupting whatever conversation they had going on.
Doomfist handed him a tablet, not stopping his conversation for him, of course. Val opened the list to check it was complete, ignoring their conversation. He turned around as he scanned over the names, but stopped at the door when he saw the last name on it. He turned back around.
"You can't expect me to do this whole list myself," Val said, interrupting them again.
"You've had no issue before, in fact I ensured it was shorter than your last."
Val gave him an angry look. "It's a conflict of interest, get someone else to do it."
"Ah, I see, a conflict of interest. Perhaps you misunderstand, the names on that list have a conflict of interest with Talon. I will not have your name on that list next. Do you understand?"
"It's one name." Val's eyes flicked over to Reaper as he spoke. "I'm not even saying to take the name off, just get someone else to do it."
"This is not a negotiation."
Val blinked, baffled. "I've done everything you've asked. You're really not giving me a choice?"
"You've been unwavering in your faith so far. If your loyalties lie with Talon, show me."
Val bit the inside of his cheeks, and nodded. So that's how it was going to be.
"I'll take care of it," he grumbled as he turned and walked out of the office, staring down at his tablet screen.
He made it about ten feet down the hallway before he stopped. He couldn't do the list. He waited in the hall for Reaper to leave. Maybe he could debate his case better when he didn't have an audience. That might have been why Doomfist was so inflexible. Val at least hoped, he was screwed if he couldn't get someone else on this list.
It wasn't but a few minutes later that he was startled by a tap on the shoulder, by none other than Reaper.
"What?" Val sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"Who is it?"
"Who?"
"The list. Who is it?"
"Why? It's not going to make any difference, I still have to do it."
"It's either me, or I can do it."
Val glared at him, a little offended at the man's arrogance. Then he considered the offer for a minute in desperation. He shook his head.
"It's not you." He opened the tablet and handed it over. "Last name on there."
Reaper's reaction was unreadable behind the mask, but he stared at the tablet for a good few seconds longer than it took to read the name.
"Sombra got caught doing something she wasn't supposed to?" he asked, a little too coolly, handing the tablet back.
"I don't know. I try not to ask for details," Val took it, biting on the inside of his lip while trying to think.
"Are you gonna do it?" Reaper asked, quite bluntly given the information he just found out. Val glared at him.
"I was waiting for you to leave so I could try to talk to Akande again," Val said.
Reaper shook his head. "So he can jerk you around more?"
"What else am I supposed to do?" Val started pacing around the hall.
"Don't do it." Val stopped pacing to glare at him. "He can't make you."
"Yeah, he can just do worse." Val rolled his eyes and started to pace again, contemplating what his other options were.
Reaper tracked his back and forth pacing as he spoke. "Because you let him."
"I do not."
"You've done everything he's asked and he's still testing you. You're letting him push you around, don't."
"Easy for you to say," Val stopped his pacing to point at Reaper. "He doesn't hold taking you in over your head every day like he's your goddamn dad."
Reaper tilted his head, then stepped towards Val, getting in his face.
"He's not your dad." Reaper growled from behind his mask. "Get a grip. You sound pathetic."
Val opened his mouth in shock, then closed it, breathing heavily.
"You know what, you're not even supposed to be talking to me. I'll figure it out," he said, then stormed off.
Val steamed as he repeated the conversations of the day in his head instead of trying to think of a plan. Stomping down the concrete of the base, the humid sea air felt thick, like it was suffocating him. His heart hadn't stopped pounding, and his racing mind was only worsened by his agency being stripped away over and over again.
In fact, he realized he had been feeling like this for weeks, or had it been months? When was the last time he actually liked being here? Had he ever enjoyed being here? If enjoyed was even the correct word, could he even just tolerate being here anymore? When was the last time he felt like this for so long?
Val knew the answer to the last question. About 18 years old, before a certain child star went missing. Like a caged animal, he was gnawing on his bars. He needed to get out of here.
Which, may have sent him into a panic the likes of which you only see in a prey animal being hunted.
Val's high-strung type-a personality was kicked into overdrive. He couldn't think of a plan before, now plan A through Z and back were being planned and memorized. He had already roped in Sombra, planning with her what to do for the both of them. He couldn't even recall how long had passed. The manic-like episode had him in a blacked out daze.
That may have been how Val found himself standing at Reaper's apartment door, fighting with himself to knock.
"You have all your bartering chips, just knock," Val thought to himself as he stared at the door.
He took a deep breath, then knocked rapidly before he could think about it more. He tapped his foot anxiously.
Gabriel opened the door, having his same sour expression he always did, before blinking in surprise, simply saying. "Hi."
"Hi." Val looked away, a bit embarrassed. "Can we talk?"
Gabriel tilted his head, staring in confusion. He nodded and held open the door with his mouth agape.
Val walked in and sat down on the sofa, shaking his leg nervously.
"Are you alright? You're acting really anxious." Gabriel asked, with his head tilted.
Val nodded at the ground, debating backing out and lying. Gabriel came to the couch and sat a respectable distance from Val, resting his arms on his knees. He didn't say anything, just patiently waiting, quiet as ever.
"Gabe, I'm leaving," Val finally forced out. "Like I'm leaving Talon." He got straight to the point, otherwise he would never say it.
Gabriel was quiet for a few seconds before he started shaking his leg too.
After another bit of silence, he replied. "You don't just leave."
Val nodded. "I know, not unless it's in a casket. But you'd be surprised, the kind of disappearing acts I can pull. I did it once before."
"These aren't your parents." Val turned to frown at Gabriel.
"I wasn't asking your permission," he said aggressively. Finding a look of concern, Val took a deep breath and collected himself. "Look, I didn't come here for your help, I have Sombra to help me. I just need you to keep quiet about it. You owe me that much, you did damage my lungs on top of everything else you did," he said.
Gabriel took a deep breath, rubbing his face. "You didn't have to bring that up," he huffed.
"Sorry." Val looked away, feeling guilty. "I just, I wanted to be sure." He kept shaking his leg, not liking how this conversation was going.
Gabriel took another deep breath and looked at the ground. "Why did you come here if you didn't want help?" He looked back up at Val, waiting.
Val swallowed. "I just," he started, and rubbed his upper arms. "I wanted you to know I was leaving."
Gabriel glanced to the side. "I won't ask you to stay, if that's what you want." He responded in a very matter-of-fact manner.
Val shook his head. "That won't stop me anyway."
Gabriel nodded and looked down again. "So you came to say goodbye."
Val stared at his shoes. Then nodded in agreement.
"Yeah. A lot happened, but I just wanted to talk one last time." He took a deep breath. "I wish things could've been different," he said, and sighed.
"Yeah," Gabriel said. "I wish I did things differently."
Val nodded, and rubbed his arms again, unsure what to say.
"I didn't come to gloat or ask for an apology, I just didn't want you thinking I still hated you, I guess." He rubbed his palms on his knees, starting to get anxious again. "I should go, I have to meet Sombra tomorrow." He stood up to leave.
"Let me get the door," Gabriel said, standing.
As Gabriel opened the door for Val, he only got about half way before stopping.
"You're not staying with Sombra?" he asked abruptly.
"No, I forgot to ask and she's passed out, I'll be fine."
Gabriel still refused to open the door all the way, tilting his head.
"Your apartment key is shoved in the back of Akande's desk, where are you staying?"
Val shifted his eyes. "I got a place nearby."
This earned him the door closing shut.
"Don't lie to me, it doesn't make you cuter," Gabriel said.
"Gabe, it's fine, please don't make a big deal out of it, I'll figure it out," Val huffed, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Gabriel laughed. "You're bad at lying today, Hollywood." Val rolled his eyes.
"I didn't come here for a place to stay."
"Yet here you are, and I have a couch."
Val let out a long sigh. "I feel bad, I really didn't come for a place to stay. I'll be fine, you don't have to."
"I'm offering."
Val looked at Gabriel and debated how bad he wanted to not sleep in a car that night. He sighed again, his back would thank him in the morning.
"Are you sure?" Val asked, just to check again.
Gabriel leaned against the door as he spoke. "I just have one question. Are we watching basketball in the living room or in my room?"
"Oh my god," Val covered his eyes with his hand, face turning red. "If we go to your room this is going to turn into a whole different debacle."
"Val," Gabriel gave a half smile. "I'm not going to see you again. I just want to spend the time I have with you, I don't care how."
Val uncovered his eyes. Looking at Gabriel waiting patiently for an answer, he couldn't help but smile.
"You're lucky your room has the nicer TV," he said, before grabbing Gabriel's hand and dragging him to the bedroom. "If I feel your hands in my clothes I'm kicking you off the bed."
"Does this mean you'll let me hold you?" Gabriel asked.
"Cuddling is on the table, for now." Val climbed onto the bed.
"Don't call it cuddling, dude. I'm not a stuffed animal."
Val laughed. "Is it me or Sombra that got you saying 'dude'?" He moved over so Gabriel could lay beside him.
"Both of you, guey." Val laying his head on Gabriel's chest, Gabriel reached for the remote, turning on the TV to put on a basketball highlight and the two sat like that for a long while.
Later Gabriel played with Val's hair, as the younger read his copy of V for Vendetta, having become engrossed in the pages.
"Val, you have to sleep at some point," Gabriel said.
"I want to finish this, it's really good."
"You're not going to finish that book in one night, just take it with you if you like it that much." Gabriel smiled and shook his head. Val paused and looked up at him. "What?" he asked after Val stared for a while.
"Nothing." Val smiled. "Let's go to bed." He closed the book, letting Gabriel turn off the light.
In the dark room, they held each other close, no false pretenses to be found for once. Val traced his hand down Gabriel's arm, then between his fingers, interlocking their hands.
"Gabe," Val said quietly, his mind refusing to quiet for the night.
"Yeah?"
"I think I remember you saying you used to be Overwatch right?"
"Mmm. Yeah," Gabriel answered a little grouchily.
"Sorry, I just remembered one time when I was little, I wanted to go to an event that Overwatch was having, like a dumb speech or something." Val said, starting to ramble his racing thoughts. "I can't remember what it was. I ended up getting sick that day and couldn't go. I woke up home alone in the dark like this with a fever and had to throw up,"
"That's awful."
"Yeah, sorry, I only brought it up because I was wondering right now if I would have seen you there," Val lamented about their possible past connection.
"Probably not, depending how old you were."
"I can't remember, I was in elementary school."
"Hmm." Gabriel sat quietly for a very long minute. "You really were just a kid when I was out saving the world huh?" He said finally.
"Yeah, I guess so." Val considered what Gabriel said, before continuing. "You know, if you think about it, I had to basically fight my way to get here. If it weren't for pure odds, we wouldn't have met." Val brought the man's rough hand closer to his face, comparing their hand sizes in the dimly lit room.
"Are you about to start bringing up destiny, Hollywood?" Gabriel said, letting Val play with his hands. Even though they were similar heights, Gabriel's hands were still bigger than Val's and the smaller of the two would be forever mad about it.
"No. Maybe. I don't know. It seems like the universe doesn't actually want us together." Val paused for a second, trying not to get too philosophical. He locked their hands back together. "I think I'm just glad that of all the universes, at least I got to meet you, even if I wasn't what you wanted," Val's voice got quiet towards the end of his sentence.
Gabriel sighed. "I did want you, I just realized it too late. If I could go back I'd do things differently."
In the dark, laying next to Gabriel, echoes of nights long past rang in his ears. Val nodded, emotions he'd been bottling starting to overflow. "Yeah, me too." Tears formed in his eyes as he spoke. "I wish I hadn't been so mean and acted so stupid and I just, I'm sorry I couldn't be everything you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I couldn't be her," he said, his voice cracking.
"Don't say that. Why would you say that?" Gabriel asked in confusion at the sudden shift in Val's tone.
"You used to say her name in your sleep," Val tried to swallow the lump in his throat, hearing Gabriel's voice in the back of his head calling out, while Val, chronic insomniac, had to lie awake, listening the whole time. In the still air of the present night, he could hear Gabriel's breath hitch.
"I didn't know I talk in my sleep."
"It didn't feel fair to be upset, she was your wife," Val said, choking on his tears. "But you always made me feel like second best whether you were awake or asleep." Of course, this is when the tears started flowing.
"Why, why are you bringing all of this up now?" Gabriel asked softly, rubbing his thumb against Val's hand.
"I don't know. Because I'm leaving and want you to know how you made me feel. I wanted to just be friends but you liked it so much when we weren't. And I was an idiot who thought I could win your affection." Val couldn't stop the tears from flowing, starting to cry harder.
"Val, please, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."
"You can't say anything else. I'm just an idiot, I'm so pathetic," Val continued to sob hopelessly. "I'm gonna fail."
Gabriel sighed, and moved to cup Val's face like he always did, wiping away his tears.
"Val, look at me. Stop crying, you'll be alright, just breathe." Gabriel tried to get Val to look at him. Val pouted at him, continuing to sob profusely, unable to catch his breath.
Gabriel said, exasperated, "Val, I love you, but please, for the love of god, stop crying."
Val blinked, his wailing halting.
"What?" he sniffed, shocked out of his spiraled crying state.
"You're going to drown yourself in tears, stop crying." Val stammered a bit. Gabriel continued, "You'll be alright, you're smart, you're brave, you did this once, you can do it again."
He was sure he heard correctly the first time. He sniffed again, looking into Gabriel's eyes, and swallowed the lump in his throat. He decided to shut up and bury his face into Gabriel's neck, his face burning red. Gabriel laughed, the sound of his voice vibrating through Val's skin as he pulled the man close. He got one. That's all he needed. Val could have stayed like that forever.
After another few minutes, Val's mind would still not quiet, and he spoke again.
"Gabe."
Gabriel slurred his words. "Mmm, I was asleep."
"I don't want to go to sleep."
Gabriel took a deep breath. "Why?"
Val thought for a moment before speaking. "I'm scared, I think."
Gabriel only shifted a bit before answering. "Mmm, that's okay, you'll be alright."
"You think everyone is going to be alright without me? I do a lot. You think Widow will be okay? She doesn't eat a lot."
"Fuck everyone else."
"What about you?" Val pulled away, trying to look him in the eyes. "Are you going to be okay?"
Gabriel furrowed his brows. "Why are you worried about me?"
"I'm always worried about you."
Gabriel shifted his eyes away. "Even now?" Val nodded, and got a sigh in response. "You're helpless Hollywood. Worry about yourself, I'm a big boy." Gabriel pulled Val close again. After a few minutes his breathing grew steady. Val listened to Gabriel's heartbeat until he fell asleep.
Even though Val had stated multiple times he didn't need help, Gabriel insisted on sending off Val the next morning with advice anyways.
"Leave everything. Don't take anything with you. Even your personal crap, you're going to want to go back for it, don't." Gabriel said, before letting Val walk out the door.
"Why?" Val tilted his head.
"You'll look like you're coming back, it buys you time."
Val tapped his foot. "I have family photos."
"I know, you need the time it buys you." Val continued to tap his foot. Gabriel put a hand on Val's shoulder when the anxiety wasn't eased. "Val, they are going to try to bring you back. You need as much time as you can."
Val let out a shaky breath. "Yeah, I know, it's just hard starting over again. I was by myself for a long time."
"You're going to be okay, people like you. It's better being alone than dead," Gabriel finally opened the door for him. "Or worse."
"Yeah, or worse," Val said, nodding.
Before he walked out the door, Val wrapped his arms tightly around Gabriel's neck. Gabriel took a second to reciprocate, but did tightly wrap his arms around Val's waist, resting his head on his shoulder. They stood like that for a good minute, not wanting to let go.
Val pulled away, stopping with his hands resting on Gabriel's shoulders, just a few inches away from Gabriel's face. His heart hurt, and he didn't want to meet Gabriel's eyes, staring down at the other's mouth. He took a deep breath, and only having one more chance, took Gabriel's face in his hands, pulling him in for a kiss. He breathed the other's scent deeply, trying to commit it to memory as their lips pressed together tenderly. It tasted bittersweet, having been apart for so long only for their next kiss to precede a goodbye.
Val finally pulled away from the kiss, before pulling Gabriel in for another hug, trying to postpone the inevitable. Finally, he let go, and went to walk out the door, but as he stepped out, he held Gabriel's hand over the threshold, not wanting to let go. He stared into Gabriel's eyes.
"Gabriel," Val said, his heart hammering. "I love you."
Gabriel gave a half-hearted smile, and leaned against the doorway.
"I'm gonna miss you," he responded.
Val felt his heart sink, and swallowed.
"You're not gonna say it again, are you?" Val asked, looking down.
Gabriel averted his eyes, sniffing. "If I say it, it makes it harder to let you go."
Val felt his heart twist, and said quietly, "You already said it last night."
Gabriel sighed.
"You're right." He looked at the ground, like he always did when he was guilty. "I love you, but I have to let you leave. It makes it easier if I pretend I don't."
Val gave a sad smile and squeezed Gabriel's hand. "No more pretending." He leaned in to press a gentle kiss to the other's cheek. "I love you, bye." Val turned and stepped away, holding Gabriel's hand as long as he could before he finally let go.
Gabriel stood at the door watching him leave. He waited until Val's car was out of view before going back inside.
And that was the last time the two saw each other. Val disappeared, having left the base one day, simply never to return, leaving all his personal belongings just as Gabriel had instructed, and Gabriel left with another hole in his chest. Not that it was anything new.
Even half a year later, the numbness and the emptiness could be interchangeable. There were whisperings about where the defectors had gone, but he went out of his way to not make it his business. In fact, he was one of the first ones that they suspected knew of Val's whereabouts and he tried to keep up the pretense that they were angry with each other before Val left, meaning he shouldn't care where the guy is now. Time also made it easier to beg to differ with the hole in his heart, especially when he needed to keep his story straight.
So, now he sat on the airship next to Sombra, staring at the wall with his arms crossed. They waited for Widow, and he wondered what the hold up was. Sombra leaned over, looking up at him.
"Wanna know what Martina's been up to?" she asked coyly.
"Not interested," he replied.
"Hmm," she leaned away. "That's not what my tracker says."
Reaper chose not to respond. Old habits die hard. It was never any of her business who's birthday he was attending anyway. Thankfully, Widow's heels clicked onto the airship just after their little conversation. She carried a paper wrapped package in her hand, approaching Reaper and holding it out to him.
"This is for you."
Reaper took it curiously.
"What is it?" Sombra asked, trying to catch a peek. "Another bomb?"
Reaper turned the package over in his hands. It was flat, rectangular, and felt solid. There was no return address. He tore the paper wrapping off, finding a copy of V for Vendetta inside, tilting his head.
"You join a book club or something?" Sombra asked.
Reaper flipped it over, finding nothing peculiar about it from the cover, it was the same as the one he owned. He flipped through the pages, finding everything in order.
"Someone wrote in your book, guey," Sombra said, catching a glimpse of him flipping through it in passing.
He stopped his flipping, and went back through the book, looking for the writing. The comic panels were in pristine condition, and he'd flipped all the way back to the front page when he finally found it.
On the inside cover, in purple marker, was a short message that read, "Finally gave it a read!"
He tilted his head. Even though he didn't recognize the handwriting, he knew who this was from. Sombra looked over his shoulder, peeking at the message, before raising her eyebrows and leaning back.
"What is it?" Widow asked, seeing Sombra's expression change.
"It's junk," Reaper said quickly.
He closed the book and tossed it to the side.
Onion note: /.