Prompt #34: Central Park

On A Carousel

~oOo~

Sergeant Olivia Benson was enjoying a rare morning off with her two-year-old son, Noah. As she was feeding him his breakfast, her cell phone rang.

She groaned at the interruption but quickly answered the call without looking at the ID.

"Benson."

"Hey, Liv," said a voice with an unmistakable southern accent.

"Amanda. What's up? Is there a case?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, no, Liv. Nothing like that. I was just wondering if you and Noah would like to join Jesse and me at Central Park. I'm taking her to the carousel. Carisi is meeting us there with his camera. I wanted some candid shots of me and Jesse," came the quick reply.

Olivia thought for a moment.

"That sounds fun. I think Noah would love it. I'd like to have some candid shots of me and him, too. What time?"

"About an hour?" Amanda suggested.

"Sounds good. See you there," was Olivia's reply.

After ending the call, Olivia got Noah bathed and dressed, and an hour later they were waiting for Amanda and Carisi at the carousel.

"Liv!" Amanda called out a few seconds later.

Olivia smiled and waved.

"Hi, Amanda! Carisi, good to see you. Thanks for inviting us."

Amanda smiled back at her friend. "Oh, thanks for coming. I've been needing a day like this. To relax and have some fun."

"I hear you there," Olivia agreed.

Then Carisi told the ladies his plan.

"I'm going to shoot you two and the kids separately, but I'd also love to get some shots of all four of you together."

Amanda and Olivia got the tickets and got in line for the carousel. Olivia was so busy talking with her friends and the kids that she didn't notice two familiar figures standing in line a few people ahead of her.

When it was their turn, Olivia and Amanda got on the carousel. Amanda sat on a bench with Jesse but Olivia put Noah on a horse and stood beside him. As they circled around, Olivia could have sworn she heard a familiar deep voice from somewhere nearby, but she just shook her head and told herself it was just her imagination. The kids and adults alike enjoyed the ride, and all of them were a bit disappointed when it ended. As Olivia was walking through the exit gate she heard her name being called and this time there was no mistaking the voice it came from.

"El—Elliot?"

Before Elliot could respond, Olivia felt a small pair of arms around her waist.

Instinctively she put the arm that wasn't holding her son around the figure when she looked down and saw Eli looking up at her.

Eli, hi! You've gotten so big!"

The nine-year-old grinned.

"Hi, Aunt Liv! I missed you."

"I've missed you too, sweetheart," Olivia replied.

"I wanted to send you pictures, but Mom said no. That it would just be too hard. Whatever that means," Eli continued, adding as tears stung his eyes,

"I guess it doesn't really matter now…"

Olivia looked at Elliot questioningly.

He sighed and ruffled Eli's hair.

"Kathy's gone, Liv. I can't go into all the details here. But that's the reason I came back to New York."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears of heartbreak for the Stabler family, as she pulled Eli close once more.

"El…"

Elliot shook his head.

"I was going to call you tonight. I know you probably hate me right now. I don't deserve for you to ever speak to me again. But, Liv, you deserve to know the whole story. The whole truth about why I left. So, please, could we talk? You pick the time and place. If, after you've heard everything, you want nothing more to do with me, I'll respect your wishes."

Olivia just nodded.

Amanda, who had been standing to the side with Jesse and Carisi stepped forward and said softly.

"Liv, I can take Noah for you whenever you need."

Olivia gave her friend a grateful look.

"Thanks, Amanda. El, could you come over for dinner tonight? We can do takeout."

Elliot nodded.

"Yeah. Kathleen can take Eli for the night. Is around seven ok?"

"That's fine."

Handing Noah to Amanda, she quickly dug into her bag and got out a pen and pad. Jotting down her number, she added,

"Here's my number. Text me with your food order.

"Ok. See ya tonight," Elliot responded.

Eli hugged Olivia one more time and he and his dad walked away.

Olivia then stood frozen for a moment before shaking herself and turning to her friends.

"Hey guys, do you mind if we cut this short? I just… I-I need some time to process."

"Of course, Liv. Do you want to be alone? I can take Noah now. I can come get his stuff later," Amanda offered.

Olivia hesitated but then nodded.

"Thanks."

"I'm just gonna head home now. See ya both on Monday.

"Bye, Carisi. See you Monday. Thanks for coming and bringing the camera," Olivia said.

"No problem," Carisi replied.

"See ya, Carisi," said Amanda

Carisi grinned.

"See ya, Rollins."

Then, kissing both children on their heads, the young detective headed out.

Amanda then handed Noah to his mother who hugged him tightly and pressed a long kiss to the side of his head.

"I love you, Sweet Boy. Be good for Aunt Amanda. Mommy will see you soon."

Amanda took the little boy back and then looked Olivia in the eye.

"Liv, are you ok?"

Olivia shook her head slowly.

"I honestly don't know how I feel right now."

Amanda nodded and squeezed Olivia's shoulder.

"I get that. And that's perfectly ok. Listen, call me later if you need to talk. I mean it. Anytime. I'm here for you, Liv."

"I know, Amanda. That really does mean a lot. Thank you," Olivia responded, squeezing Amanda's hand.

The two said goodbye and went their separate ways.

When Olivia got home to her quiet apartment, she flopped down on her sofa. She sat silently for a few moments before finally allowing the tears she'd been holding back for the past couple of hours to flow down her cheeks. She curled up on the sofa hugging a pillow tightly to her chest and allowed herself to fully break down as the sobs shook her body.

Olivia cried herself to sleep and only awakened two hours later with a text from Amanda asking if it would be okay to come by for Noah's overnight stuff.

'Come anytime,' Olivia texted back. Then she got up and gathered a couple of books, Noah's favorite stuffie, a pair of pajamas, a couple of diapers, and a change of clothes and put them in a bag for her son.

Amanda arrived about twenty minutes later without the kids.

"Carisi is with the kids. I figured it would be easier and less confusing for Noah if I didn't bring him with me only to take him back again."

"Probably," Olivia agreed.

"How're you doing?" Amanda asked.

"Both dreading and looking forward to this conversation," Olivia said.

"I can understand that. Ya know you can call me after if you need to talk. At least text me to let me know how it went," Amanda encouraged.

Olivia gave her friend a rare hug.

"Thanks, Manda. I will. Kiss Noah good night for me and tell him I love him."

"Will do, Liv. Talk to ya later," Amanda replied. Then she left to go back home and Olivia was alone once more waiting for Elliot.

As promised, Elliot knocked on Olivia's door at seven PM. He had texted her his food order earlier so the Indian food from the partners' favorite restaurant had arrived a few minutes before he had.

"Hey, El. The food's here. Let's get it dished up and then we talk while we eat," Olivia said as she let the man in.

Elliot gave her a small smile.

"Sounds good, Liv."

The two of them got their food and sat down at the table.

They sit in silence for several minutes before Elliot spoke up.

"Do you remember the shootout in the squad room with Jenna?"

Olivia nodded and shuddered a little at the memory.

"How could I forget?"

"Well, after that, I kinda went off the deep end. I saw her aiming the gun at you and I shot her to protect you and the rest of the people in that room. It was a good shoot. I know that. Or at least I later realized that. A lot more people could have died that day if I hadn't shot her. But Liv, she was just a kid. The same age as Lizzie was. I had to kill a kid."

"Elliot…" Olivia began softly. But Elliot wasn't finished yet.

"IAB didn't care that it was a clean shoot. They were going to go over my jacket with a fine toothcomb. They were just looking for an excuse to fire me. Tucker finally gave me an ultimatum. I could resign and I could retain my full pension and he and his men wouldn't keep me from finding police work elsewhere. The stipulation was that I had to cut ties with everyone in SVU. Including you. His tone basically said, 'Especially you.'"

"And if you refused?" Olivia asked shakily, afraid she already knew the answer.

Elliot sighed.

"They'd fire me and make sure I never worked for any police force ever again. I hadn't told you yet but Kathy had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. If I couldn't get another job we couldn't pay the medical bills."

"Elliot…I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" gasped Olivia.

Elliot just shook his head.

"I was going to. That day. The day that…all hell broke loose. Then everything fell apart and I never got the chance."

Olivia sighed.

"El…"

Elliot held up a hand.

"There's more. If I had refused to resign, they…they would have gone after you as well. Ended your career. I couldn't let that happen. The unit needs you. You had a promising career ahead of you. I couldn't stand in your way."

Olivia huffed.

"So you made the decision for me? I can take care of myself, Elliot. I never needed your protection. I just needed you to be my friend. I needed you there for the worst days of my life and you weren't there!"

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked, clearly confused.

"Where have you been the last four years? Where were you in 2013?"

"Mostly undercover. I did my part, so Tucker got me and my family relocated to Houston Texas. MD Anderson Cancer treatment is located there and we thought Kathy could hopefully get the care she needed. The adult kids stayed here and visited when they could."

"So Tucker knew where you were this entire time. That son of a b* lied to me,"

Olivia murmured angrily under her breath.

"What?" Elliot asked in confusion.

Olivia waved a dismissive hand.

"Never mind. It doesn't matter. Elliot, what were you doing in Spring 2013 and Spring 2014?"

Elliot thought back.

"Deep undercover both times. I only stopped going undercover when Kathy relapsed."

"Relapsed?" Olivia asked.

"She got treatment at MD Anderson, and she went into remission for three years. Then in 2015, the cancer returned. This time it had spread. Chemo and radiation worked for a while, but eventually, her body stopped responding. She died six months ago."

Elliot had tears in his eyes but he refused to let them fall as Olivia reached across the table and took his hand.

He cleared his throat and continued,

"I felt like we needed to get back closer to family. I decided to apply to the NYPD again. Dickie found out from a friend whose dad is a cop that Tucker no longer works for IAB. I got a job at the Organized Crime Bureau. I took the Sergeant's exam and passed it a few months ago. I am heading up the unit."

El, congratulations! I'm proud of you," Olivia said sincerely, squeezing Elliot's hand.

"It's true, though, ya know. Ed said he didn't like the person he had become there at IAB. He's in Hostage Negotiation now," she added quietly.

Elliot looked at her questioningly.

"He had changed, El. Or so it seemed. We had become friends and were on our way to…something more. But that's over now. Or it will be after tomorrow. I had no idea he was responsible for you disappearing or that he threatened our careers. He lied to me! He's known where you were and the true reason you left without a word this entire time and he never said a word. He knew how heartbroken I was after you left and how hard it was for me to work without you and he went on allowing me to believe you just abandoned me. That you didn't really care!"

Elliot raised an eyebrow.

"I can't believe you were dating Tucker. But I know you, and he must have done something good for you to believe he'd really change. I'm sorry someone else let you down Liv. And that l let you down. You don't deserve that. You never did."

"It'll take time, El. But I'll eventually forgive you. I will be able to trust you again too. But that will take longer," Olivia admitted.

Elliot nodded. "I get that, Liv. I know I don't deserve it, but thank you for giving me another chance. But why were you asking me about 2013 and 2014?"

Olivia took a deep breath and let it out.

"How deep undercover were you?"

"Very deep. No contact with anyone but my police contact. I couldn't even contact my family except for extreme emergencies. Why?"

"Did you watch the news back then?" Olivia asked.

"Not much. Just the local news from where I was. Why? Liv, you're scaring me," Elliot replied.

Olivia told Elliot the entire story. What Lewis had done to her, the lies he had told at his trial, his escape and her recapture, how she had gone with him willingly to rescue a little girl, his death and the frame-up against her, and her trial, as well as the therapy that had resulted from all of it. By the time she finished, she had tears streaming down her face.

Elliot got up and took Olivia's hand to help her up. Then he led her over to the couch and took her into his arms. He allowed his own tears to fall along with hers as he rocked them back and forth.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I never even knew. I guess my family had to have known. I don't know why they didn't tell me. At least afterwards. Maybe they were trying to protect me? I don't know. But I'll find out. I have to find out. I'm so sorry. I'm here now. Let it out. I've got you."

The two of them stayed that way for a long time before Olivia finally spoke up.

"I never believed God really cared about me before, but I must have done something right at one point because He gave me my rainbow after the storm. I found Noah between the two Lewis Nightmares and a few months after the whole mess was over, a judge decided I was the best person to be his mommy."

Elliot's eyes widened.

"Found him? You mean…?"

Olivia nodded.

"Noah is adopted. I was dating Cassidy around the first time Lewis took me. After that, he couldn't handle what Lewis did to me and my resulting emotional state. He was good to me, but he didn't understand or know how to handle things. He broke up with me when he realized I would never be able to open up to him the way he wanted me to. I never had another serious relationship after him. Tucker was starting to become serious, but that can never happen now. I found Noah on a case. He's my everything now."

Elliot hugged Olivia closer.

"I'm happy for you, Liv. I always knew you'd be an amazing mom."

"I learned everything I know from watching you and Kathy, El," Olivia confessed softly.

Then she looked at her watch.

"Wow. It's getting late. And our food got cold."

"I'm actually not very hungry now. Let's put it in the fridge for tomorrow. You look exhausted. You should get some sleep," Elliot said.

Olivia looked a bit nervous.

"El, I know you have to get home to Eli, but I'm a little scared to go to sleep. I might have some pretty bad nightmares tonight. Could you maybe… stay with me for a little while? Until I fall asleep?"

Elliot smiled gently.

"I'll do better than that. I'll ask Kathleen to keep Eli overnight. I'll stay with you."

Olivia shook her head.

"You don't have to do that, El. Eli needs you."

"You need me more right now," Elliot said firmly.

Olivia hesitated for another moment before nodding in agreement.

While Elliot called his daughter, she sent a quick text to Amanda telling her she was ok and she was going to bed now, but she'd call tomorrow. She left out the part about Elliot staying over.

Then she got herself ready for bed and Elliot helped her crawl under the covers. Olivia fell asleep quickly and Elliot held her all night, keeping the nightmares at bay.

"So, Tucker's been lying to you the whole time? He's actually known where Stabler was and why he left and he just let you think the guy abandoned you? While acting all supportive of you this past year? Wow! Liv, that's…that's unbelievable. I've never liked the guy but that's low, even for him."

"Yeah…" was all Olivia could say.

She had come to pick up Noah and she and Amanda were talking over a cup of coffee while the two little ones played on the floor.

"What are you going to do?" Amanda asked.

Olivia shrugged.

"I'm going to confront him about it tonight. Amanda, he and I were just starting…well, something. He had changed. At least that's what I thought. I'm not sure how far it could have gone, but now we'll never know. I can't be with someone I can't trust. After tonight, we're through."

"Damn, Liv. I'm so sorry. I never liked or trusted the guy, but I'm sorry he hurt you. I'm sorry you have to go through this. You deserve better," Amanda said softly.

"Thanks, Amanda. You're a good friend," Olivia replied, squeezing her friend's hand across the table.

Amanda squeezed gently in return.

"Just sayin' the truth, Liv."

The two women chatted a bit longer before Olivia gathered up Noah and his belongings and headed back home.

That evening, Lucy, Noah's nanny, came over to stay with him while Olivia went on what would be her final date with Tucker. She was feeling very nervous.

"I shouldn't be too late. Noah needs to be in bed by eight. I will probably be home by nine at the latest."

"That's fine Sergeant Benson. Take as long as you need," Lucy replied. She sensed that something was up, but didn't feel it was her place to ask about it.

Kissing Noah good night, Olivia headed down to meet Tucker in the lobby.

"You look nice," he said to her.

"Thank you," she responded stiffly.

Tucker took her arm and led her out to the waiting cab.

Tucker had made reservations, so they were immediately seated at the restaurant.

Olivia didn't have much of an appetite but she found a salad on the menu that looked pretty good. Tucker ordered a steak and baked potato.

Once the food arrived, they ate in uncomfortable silence for a bit before Tucker finally asked what was bothering Olivia.

"You lied to me," Olivia said quietly.

"When?" asked Tucker in confusion.

Olivia looked at him with fire in her eyes.

"All this time you knew where Elliot was and why he left, but you never said a word."

"I—I couldn't. It was need-to-know. My bosses wouldn't let me," Tucker stammered.

"That's bull, and you know it. You were the one who decided he needed to go. You were the one who threatened my career along with his if he didn't agree. You got him the job in Houston. I confided in you. You knew how hurt I was and how hard it was for me without my partner. Yet you said nothing. You acted so supportive of me through this year but you've been keeping that enormous secret from me. You could have told me the truth at any point but you never did.

Tucker was shocked but only one part was what Olivia had said seemed to register.

"Stabler's back in town? He broke our deal?"

Olivia looked at him incredulously.

"No! You do not get to do that now. You aren't at IAB anymore. Elliot came back to be near his family after his wife died. Something I should have been able to support him through but you made that impossible."

"He made his own choice," Tucker said tensely.

Olivia was almost shaking with anger.

"Because you gave him no choice. He left to protect me and his family. You got rid of him and hid your part in it for your own personal gain."

"I left IAB because I didn't like what it did to me. Who it made me. You inspired me to be better, Olivia. That's why I want to explore a relationship with you," Tucker said.

Olivia shook her head sadly.

"And yet, you have had every opportunity to tell me the whole truth and you didn't. I can't trust you anymore, Ed. I won't engage in a relationship with a man I can trust. It's over."

"But, Olivia, how can you give a man like Stabler another chance after he left but not give me one? Tucker demanded.

Olivia sighed in disappointment.

"If you honestly can't see the difference, I have nothing more to say to you. We're through, Ed."

With that, she got up and walked away.

Once outside, she called Elliot.

"Hey, El. I just broke up with Tucker. Are you home? Is it ok if I stop by? I really need to talk."

"Anytime, Liv. I'm texting you the address right now. I'll be waiting," was Elliot's reply.

Olivia ended the call and texted Lucy to say she'd be a little later than planned. Then she hailed a cab and gave the driver Elliot's address.

Six months later, the Stabler family and Olivia and Noah were gathered at Central Park. After the conversation between the partners following Olivia's breakup with Tucker, the two shared many meals together. They even had a few outings with Eli and Noah. After several weeks, Elliot had asked Olivia out on their first official date. Olivia had seen the adult Stabler kids a few times in the past few months. The first dinner they all had together, the four of them had apologized profusely for not keeping in touch with Olivia and for not telling their dad what had happened with William Lewis."

"We couldn't tell him while he was undercover and once he was back you had been found so we didn't want to upset Dad for no reason. He wasn't allowed to contact you so he couldn't do anything for you. We thought it would just make it worse. We were wrong. Can you forgive us?" Kathleen said.

"Of course, I forgive you, honey. All of you. You guys were just doing what you thought was best for your dad. You were protecting him," Olivia had reassured her and her siblings.

The four oldest Stabler kids had surrounded Olivia in a group hug.

Now they were all enjoying the Central Park Zoo which Olivia had missed out on with Noah several months ago.

At the end of the day, everyone got tickets for the merry-go-round. Kathleen and Lizzie helped Eli and Noah, so Olivia and Elliot got horses side by side. They held hands as they rode up and down where they had first reunited several months ago. On a carousel.

The author of this SVU - Autumn in New York story will be revealed in November