Asuka burst from the school hall and charged through the square. Every step ground her delusions further into dust.
All this time – all this time I've been calling her my friend, thinking she liked me. Thinking she liked hanging out with me. What a joke. She was just putting up with me until she could offload me onto Stupid-Shinji. What a joke!
Turned out there was a worse feeling than Rei not returning her crush – not returning anything Asuka felt for her.
All of it – just a waste.
Her storming path had taken her across the campus grounds, right to the boundary fence. There were no gates on this side, so she hurled herself at the chainlink – it was twice her height, but Asuka hadn't gotten every blue ribbon at that year's athletics carnival for nothing.
As she swung a leg over the top pole, a desperate voice reached her ears.
"Soryu!"
Her stomach lurched again. No. No, you don't get to call me like you need me!
"S … Soryu, please wait!"
Rei's voice was ragged. Involuntarily Asuka looked back, and was shocked at how close she was – more than halfway across the lawn already, when Asuka was the fastest runner in their year, and Rei's mitochondria were basically allergic to third gear. Her face was blotchy and ashen.
"Soryu – please—" she wheezed, and Asuka hesitated.
"Stop chasing me, idiot!" she snapped. "You'll give yourself an asthma attack!"
Furious at her own concern, she turned away again and pushed up and over the fence.
But it had gone blurry somehow – water had fallen on her hand somehow – as Asuka's weight shifted across the centreline she slipped somehow and fell three metres to the ground.
Black pain slammed into and through her. Shock and shocking weakness stopped the world, stopped time. Everything hurt, or felt sick, or both.
Asuka was stunned motionless for at least a million years – I'm going to fossilise, I always knew I'd be in museums – while her lungs and ribcage argued about breathing. Eventually the lungs won, and the spots in her vision changed colour as they switched from oxygen-deprivation to pain-caused (the ribcage wasn't a graceful loser).
There was a wavery bleating sound somewhere in the next galaxy, but when Asuka moved her head it hid behind a throbbing rush in her ear canals.
"...ryu!" came the bleating.
The world spun before her eyes. Which way was up? Left?
"S... lees..."
A barrier, blurry, dancing. A figure here and there … ah, it was moving across the barrier, separate to the movement of the barrier across Asuka's field of vision.
She blinked. Slowly, with a heavy reluctance, the world slowed and eventually (mostly) stopped.
And Asuka was able to see Rei reach the top of the fence.
"Rei!"
She bolted upright, and immediately keeled back over. Her skull and stomach did tandem somersaults while her shoulders wailed an opera. "Rei..." You'll fall...!
Helpless, she watched Rei struggle over the top railing. There was no agility or confidence to her movements – she stuck her whole foot into each chainlink gap and clung with all five fingers of each hand, at all times hanging on with at least three limbs. Asuka realised that the shaking she saw was actually in Rei's form, not her own whacked-out vision.
"Idiot," she whispered.
The slowness of Rei's awkward descent was matched by Asuka's return from paralysis. They met almost in the middle – Asuka sitting, wavering, while Rei stumbled to ground level, and then to her side.
"Soryu, are you all right?" She took her shoulders in support. "How does everything feel? Can you move your fingers and toes?"
Dully Asuka wiggled each digit.
"Good. Is your vision normal?"
Then she was taking Asuka's face carefully in her hands and bringing their eyes to meet. Somewhere at the back of Asuka's mind, someone melted.
"Her eyes are so pretty," she thought.
The eyes blinked. "My – eyes?"
"Oh," thought Asuka, "she's hearing my thoughts now. That's bad."
"I'm … sorry?" said Rei, blushing. "I'll – try not to."
"Good. Can't let Rei find out I'm an idiot."
"You're not an idiot!" Rei protested.
Asuka cried, "You said you'd stop hearing my thoughts!"
"I said I'd try!"
"Try harder!"
"You're impossible," said Rei, and why was her voice so warm and – smiling? Why smiling?
"Why is she smiling?" Asuka puzzled to herself.
"Because," Rei murmured, "you're my impossible Soryu."
Her thumbs brushed Asuka's cheekbones, where there were apparently firework buttons, judging by the response in Asuka's nerves.
"I'm sorry for what I said, about Shinji. I didn't mean it that way."
Asuka's eyes filled with tears. "You said what you said."
"Shinji always does what I'm no good at," Rei burst out. "I can't do anything – anything right. I'm always – falling asleep, or getting sick, or saying strange things. I don't understand people, I can't – can't do things for them, be there for them, help them. When – whenever it really matters, I can't be counted on."
Her hands had dropped to her thighs to clench bitter fists.
"But Shinji – Shini's the one who can be trusted. For something so important – for the most precious thing..."
Asuka's head was throbbing, spinning. "What precious thing?"
"Soryu's heart," Rei whispered. "The most precious, wonderful, beautiful thing, that must be treasured, and cared for. And the most important happiness is Soryu's, and the one who deserves the best is Soryu, and the one who should never be failed is Soryu. The one who should be – who is loved – is Soryu."
The entire world was Rei. "Loved?"
So, so quietly: "And I'm not good enough to love Soryu."
Silence. Asuka's brain yelled at her to do, say something, but didn't tell her what.
"So you see," Rei finished brokenly, "all I can do is entrust Soryu to the person whose love wouldn't be weak, and useless, like mine."
In the absence of Asuka's brain, her mouth took over.
"You idiot."
Rei flinched.
"You complete idiot."
Rei shrank away, until Asuka grabbed her face.
"Useless? Weak? I don't want a butler! Or – or a maid, or assistant or whatever. I don't want someone to 'do things' for me, to 'do the right thing' – that's not how it works! I want the person I want, the person I like, who's special to me – not because of ticking tasks off a goddamn list, special because of who she is. Who you are."
Rei's eyes widened.
Asuka shook her head, and using her grip on Rei's face, hers too. "Idiot. Who cares if you fall asleep in a movie, or need help with your homework? All I care about is that you're you. Rei. That's all you've ever needed to do – just, be Rei."
"Soryu..." Rei's voice was so wobbly.
"You think I should be 'treasured'? Made happy?" She drew their faces close and dropped her voice. "Do it yourself."
And as Asuka leant in, Rei was already there.
"Mmph!" Ninja kiss!
Rei's lips were trembling – or maybe Asuka's were; her breath puffed warm from her nose – or maybe Asuka's did. Her hands were definitely on Asuka's waist, that was as unmistakable as it was amazing. Her mouth was stupefyingly soft and moved so gently, so carefully – but as soon as Asuka opened and ventured a cautious tongue, she was met with greedy, swirling enthusiasm. All of Asuka's nerves, that she'd thought were already sparking awake, blazed.
As soon as there was space, Asuka swallowed and gulped air. "You never told me you'd kissed anyone!"
Rei nuzzled the join of her jaw and ear. "I hadn't. Why do you say that?"
A breathless laugh shivered from her. "What, you got that out of books?"
"I tried to emulate some of the effective descriptions I have read," Rei confirmed. As Asuka stared into the middle distance in baffled admiration, Rei admitted, sounding puzzled, "...At first, anyway. It became very difficult, very quickly, to concentrate enough to apply theory."
Amusement fought with ridiculous, extravagant fondness, and lost. "I like you so much," Asuka said helplessly, inadequately.
She could hear Rei's smile even if she couldn't see it. "I like you so much, too, Soryu. —Asuka?" hopefully, hesitant.
Asuka kissed her temple. "So forward."
They sighed happily in the same moment, and Asuka thought that she could sit like this happily forever.
The bruises from her fall disagreed, unfortunately. Aches and pains that had been drowned out by a kiss-induced explosion of happy chemicals slowly returned, settling in her arms and shoulders first. When her skull began to throb too hard to ignore, she winced and drew back her hands to rub the sides of her head.
"Sor-Asuka?" Rei asked, worry in her voice.
"I'm okay," said Asuka, "—or, well, I will be. Just a bit bumped around."
"I'm sorry..."
"You didn't make me climb a stupid fence," Asuka sniffed. "I could've gone round to a gate. But hey – when you're this good at drama..."
Rei smiled. "It is one of your strengths. May I help you up?"
"You'd better," Asuka smirked. "You're my girlfriend now, aren't you?"
Rei's smile could probably be seen from the universe's horizon. "As long as you are mine, as well."
Asuka pretended to mull it over. "Hmmm … I guess I could deal with that."
Rei got to her feet, and helped Asuka to do the same. Once standing steady, Asuka hung onto her girlfriend's (girlfriend's!) hand and swung it joyfully as they began the slow walk along the perimeter fence to an actual gate.
"So, that book you're reading, with the princesses. Is it called Emeralds in Violet?"
Rei jumped. "You've heard of it?"
Asuka giggled and bumped their shoulders. (The ground unhelpfully decided to duck and sway, but Rei provided support until it stopped misbehaving.) "Miss Maya recommended it to me. Guess we were in about the same place."
"I suppose so." She tucked a self-deprecating shrug. "If I'd just spoken to you then..."
"Instead of trying to set me up with someone else? Forget about it," Asuka breezed, and realised that she meant it. Amazing how all that just … didn't matter anymore. The hurt, the sadness, the loneliness – gone.
She had Rei. What else could she need?