Minako kept herself glued to the TV that morning, trying to see if there was anything to do. She hated to admit it, but she was bored! She was still on hiatus so she couldn't go to a show or do a modeling panel yet, but her friends still were doing work! She called Makoto but she was busy at the bakery, and Ami needed to help out at the clinic in town. Stupid adult life! What happened if there was a serious Sailor emergency?!

She didn't even try to call Usagi and instead called Rei, beaming when she got an answer.

"Are you watching TV? Let's go on that new show! Find Me a Boyfriend, Doctor! Doesn't it look like fun?" Whenever she traveled for shows, Minako had to admit nothing enthralled her like that show. It was nostalgic for her and the host was super cute, dressed in dated baggy clothes and long hair. "We wouldn't even win, I just want the experience!"

Rei sighed. "Minako-chan, what makes you think I want to go on a show like that? I'm not interested in boys."

"So? It's mostly losers on that show anyway. Come on! What have you got to lose?!"

She was silent for a while. "Fine, I suppose I can get someone to watch the shrine for me while I'm gone…but I'm just looking, okay? I'm not actually picking a date."

"Fine by me!" She hung up with a smile.

/+/

Minako arrived at the staging early, noticing the audience was already filling up. Due to her status, it was incredibly easy to get tickets to participate for both her and Rei, so she spent the extra time adjusting her hair. She wore a simple white lacy sundress while Rei showed up in a red tube dress with a boob-window, her hair sleek and shiny with golden earrings.

"What? I thought this would be a good outfit for a show like this!" Rei huffed in response.

The host walked over to them then, smiling. He wore a baggy brown shirt and purple vest with a fringed jacket and baggy pants, a necklace around his neck and long shaggy brown hair.

"Glad to see you're both on time, ladies! This episode is sure to be an interesting one, with Love Goddess here!" He grinned. "Ask questions about the men. You know the drill. Well, see ya!" He walked onstage to the roaring applause, waving. "Hello everyone and welcome! I'm your host, Doctor Edogawa Kei! The only medical professional also trained in the ways of love! Now, let's meet the bachelorette and bachelors in need of my advice! First, our bachelors!" He pointed to three men sitting on chairs behind a screen. "Yamada Kenshiro!"

The guy had a neat and professional appearance complete with glasses. He waved.

"He works for a programming agency and is a country boy at heart, hailing from Sendai. He loves riding horses and raising rabbits. Our next one, Sato Shuuhei!"

This guy had unkempt hair and a relaxed pose, chewing gum. He briefly looked over at the host.

"Coming from Kyoto, Sato is all about music. He loves rock and collects guitars and dreams of starting his own band one day. Right now though, he's your average salaryman. And our third one, Yamaguchi Miyamoto!"

The last man sat formally with a kimono on, his hands folded in his lap.

"From right here in Tokyo, Yamaguchi loves tradition and spirituality. He runs his family's shrine that has been in the family for centuries and has no interest in stopping. He's also interested in vintage records and Zen gardens. And now, our lovely bachelorette! Hino Rei!"

Rei saundered on, waving shyly to the audience as she took her seat.

"Uh, I'd like to ask Mister B a question." Rei said shyly.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"What are your thoughts on marriage?"

"Oooooh!" The audience squealed.

"Jumping straight to the point, I see!" Doctor Kei winked.

"Marriage? That kinda cramps my style. I was thinking we could go steady, have crazy sex a few nights, that sorta thing. We don't need to get married." he laughed.

Rei tried her hardest to not bend her cards in her fists from anger. "If that's how you feel, maybe a few visits to a health spa would do you better!"

The audience buzzed in approval.

"How about you, Mister A?"

"Marriage is something that should be worked for. We go out for a few years, see how we click, then decide on marriage." he answered.

"Mister C, what do you think of a working woman? Someone who can't always dedicate her life to you because she's busy with other stuff?"

"As long as she does her work at the shrine, I don't mind where her path in life goes. Who am I to dam a flowing river? Water goes where it wants." he nodded.

"Would you still be interested in a girl with an overbearing father, Mister B?"

"Depends. Is he the sort with a shotgun? Maybe we shouldn't get too crazy, I don't wanna get you pregnant and have him run after me with a gun!" he laughed. "Good thing they're illegal here though, huh? Unless he's a cop. Is your dad a cop?"

"No, he's not a cop," She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself. "What about you, Mister A?"

"Well, a lot of parents are like that because they care for their children but can't express it well, right? I'd try to reason with him." He pushed up his glasses.

"And Mister C?"

"Men are important in the life of a woman. Obedience to her father, husband, brother, and son. But, that belief allows many men to take advantage of women. Our community is filled with men who do that very thing on the pretense of tradition when in reality they just want to control women. If my wife had a father like that, forgive me for talking out of turn, but I would deal with him as necessary." he said.

"Well? Who do you want?" Doctor Kei said in his usual loud voice.

"Uh, Mister C." Rei answered after a few seconds.

"Okay! A and B, show yourselves, and don't worry, we have a prize for you!"

Kenshiro and Shuuhei both bowed respectfully at Rei as they walked past her, though she couldn't help but notice Shuuhei checking out her long legs and breasts through her dress.

"Come on out C!"

Miyamoto bowed politely at Rei when he saw her, smiling. "You look just like a traditional Japanese maiden."

"Thank you?" She tilted her head, unsure of what to do or say. She wasn't supposed to actually win this!

"And your prize is a date to Ikebukuro, to see the theme parks!" The audience clapped as Doctor Kei ushered them offstage and called for a commercial, heading backstage.

He went into his own dressing room, ignoring the wrong reflection in the mirrors and instead looking at Aphrodite, lounging on the couch.

"This dating show idea was a great one! So glad I tuned into TV at random the other night to see this hunk! Now I can feed off his audience!" She laughed. Doctor Kei looked at her. "Oh, shut up. Nobody else needs to know you're not really him. That Hino girl wasn't very spirited, I'm hoping the next one will be. I need more emotion!"

"I think commercials are nearly over now, I have to get back out there." He left without a word, and Aphrodite hurried over to the mirrors, checking her face.

"Ugh, my lips aren't shiny enough, but I didn't bring any gloss!"

Pressed up against the doors of the wardrobe was the unconscious body of the real Doctor Kei.

/+/

"Welcome back to the show! We got three new bachelors and one new bachelorette, all eager for my advice! Let's meet our men and then the lovely lady!" Doctor Kei announced to the cheering audience. "First up, Uchida Hifumi! He loves idols and collects all their memorabilia, but his real job is working as a lawyer! Show some love for this Gifu man!"

A nondescript man in a suit waved nervously.

"Next up, Jiro Adams! That's right, the name is weird because he's half-American! A native of Aomori. He's a very sporty guy and loves the beach most of all! He volunteers at animal shelters and is a great guy all-around!"

Jiro smiled, wearing a jersey and having blond hair covering up one eye.

"And last up, Nakamura Hideyoshi! His pasttimes are theater, especially Kabuki, keeping that art form alive! He's from Okinawa, so he's sure to have some interesting stories to tell the ladies! He works as an assistant director for TV comedies!"

Hideyoshi also had gum and blew a pink bubble with it, looking disinterested in a formal blouse and pants.

"And our lovely bachelorette, Aino Minako! But some of you may know her as the Love Goddess!"

Minako walked out to thunderous applause and cheers, blowing kisses and winking at her audience. She sat down politely and tried to keep her cards organized.

"Hi, handsome men! I know I can't see you but I bet all three of you are handsome!" Minako teased. "Okay! Question one, for all three bachelors! How well can you speak English?"

"P-Putting us on the spot like that?! We can't all be bilingual like you!" Mister A sweat.

"I'm fluent, but that's expected, right? My dad is American so I learned it from him." Mister B shrugged.

"Wow, you have a strong grasp! No accent! I'm impressed!" Minako praised in English. "I know conversational English, but funnily enough I kept failing that class in school!"

"I know a bit." Mister C shrugged. "I'm more interested in German. That's also a stage language."

"Oh! Ich liebe…Deutschland!" Minako cheered while Mister C sweatdropped. "Oh, Mister C, favorite food?"

"Chocolate. Even though I can't eat much, otherwise I'll get fat." he answered easily.

"I like pasta. All kinds! If we went to a restaurant, it has to be Italian so we can both be happy!" She sorted through her cards, feeling dizzy suddenly. "Uh…Mister B! What's your idea of a perfect date?"

"Walks on the beach. Is that too cliche? Dances on the beach, drinking some fruity cocktails as we watch the sunset, dressed in our nicest swimwear." he grinned.

"Mister C?"

"I'm feeling kinda neglected here…" Mister A sighed.

"A concert hall. You're dressed to the nines and let me escort you everywhere, and afterwards we even get to meet the musicians. And I mean classical stuff, not modern pop stuff. Things like a violinist." Mister C blew another bubble and let it pop.

"Final question! Which song of mine do you like the most and why?" Minako asked.

"Definitely your debut, Elemental Girls. The lyrics are just so powerful and speak to a lot of everyday feelings." Mister A nodded.

"I love Route Venus! It's just so cute and perky!" Mister B gushed.

"C'est la Vie. Yeah, it's modern, but the energy is infectious." Mister C yawned.

"Thanks!" Minako smiled.

"Now, pick your man!" Doctor Kei ordered. Minako frowned.

"I can only choose one?! But I liked both B and C!" she lamented. "Can I pick one and get the number of the other?"

The audience laughed.

"Tell you what, you're so spirited and full of life that I'll let you do just that. Mister A, show yourself and get your prize!" Doctor Kei said. Minako shook hands with Hifumi before he left, revealing the other two. She got hearts in her eyes.

"You're both so handsome, just as predicted! I can't wait for our date!" she hugged both of them.

"Whatever." Hideyoshi looked away, working on another bubble. Jiro smiled nervously.

"I'm not too big on sharing…"

"Where are we going?" Minako asked in excitement, choosing to ignore that comment.

"Great question! You're going…to be eaten!" Doctor Kei yelled.

"Great-What?!"

He spun around and transformed into a monster, showing off a pair of white angel wings. He wore a tight black Speedo and had perfect pink and a youthful face with a set of heart-shaped arrows. "Érōs!"

"A monster?!" Jiro ran off while Hideyoshi swooned and passed out. Aphrodite wandered onto the stage with a grin and swept her hand in front of the audience, causing them all to collapse and a big electrical ball to form in her hand.

"You!" Minako shouted before running off. Aphrodite shrugged and slurped at the ball, eating the tendrils flying off like noodles.

"Ares, your monster is super lame though! Why couldn't you have let me take this one?!" she lamented to nobody in particular.

"Hold it right there!"

"Huh!"

Eternal Sailor Mars and Eternal Sailor Venus stepped out of the shadows and posed, Venus with a hand on her hip and Mars with her arms crossed.

"Taking advantage of innocent girls who just want to find love! Making a monster out of a man who just wants to help! You're a cruel person! We're going to get you for that!" Venus pointed.

Aphrodite sighed. "Like I care. The monster is yours to deal with now!" She took her ball and vanished, leaving Érōs to laugh, flying above the girls.

"You two look like you could use some love in your life! Let me help!" He cackled and shot some arrows in random directions, hitting men who were still on the stage.

"You're the love of my life! Kiss me!"

"No, kiss me!" Kenshiro and Hifumi both jumped on the girls with hearts in their eyes, puckering their lips.

"Ewww! I don't think so! Kiss me instead! Venus! Love and Beauty Shock!" She threw her attack and pushed the men away, sending them flying into the screen and knocking it over.

"I want a beautiful Japanese maiden!" Jiro tried to pounce on Mars along with a few other men she didn't recognize.

"Oh no you don't! Burning Mandala!" She fired her attack and burned the guys, pushing them away from her. "But what do we do about the Téras? He was once a person, right?"

Venus sighed. "I don't know…we can't keep going like this forever though…" She looked at Érōs. "I'm just going to have to take that chance! Venus Wink Chain Sword!" She jumped into the air and summoned her sword, impaling Érōs on it.

"How could you do this to me…I only wanted to spread love around the world….!" He melted away.

"That stuff she had…I think it's emotions. She was sucking at them…" Venus remembered. "Right before I came back, I went to a spa. She sucked out something from a girl's head, I remember!"

"Is it like the Dark Kingdom trying to gather energy? What could they want with it?" Mars asked.

"That's the big question, isn't it?"

As they stood there, the men started to wake up and notice them, getting blushy.

"The Sailor Senshi saved us!" Hifumi gushed in amazement. "And they're so much prettier in real life!"

"You can take pictures if you want!" Venus winked and posed.

"Forget those lame girls they were setting us up with, let's date them instead!" Shuuhei looked them over.

"I agree, even I am not immune to their beauty." Miyamoto nodded.

"Hey, what's your numbers?" Jiro winked.

"So they're jerks!" Mars blurted out, forgetting herself. "I'm leaving!"

Venus tried to wave awkwardly as she was pulled away by Mars.

"Whatever! They're hot enough just to look at! I'm totally going to jerk off to them tonight!" Shuuhei bragged loudly.

"Me too! They saved our lives, it's only fitting we jerk it in their memory!" Hideyoshi clasped his hands together happily.

Venus grimaced. "What did I ever see in any of them…"

"Join the club." Mars said.

The two girls detransformed backstage, attracted by the sounds of moaning coming from a dressing room. "Hello? Anyone in there?" Minako pushed open the door and saw Doctor Kei on the floor, moaning in pain and grabbing his head. She ran over to him. "Edogawa-Ishya!"

"What happened? I was told to get ready for the next episode when something wet hit my head…now I'm here,"

Minako and Rei exchanged looks.

"Wait, you two aren't meant to be back here!"

"We were just leaving! Promise!" Minako helped him up before the two booked it. "At least we know he's safe!"

/+/

"How did it go?" Artemis asked when Minako arrived home.

"We had to fight a monster. And the boys turned out to be super creepy!" she huffed. "We know the enemy is sucking emotions out of people, but not why…." She collapsed on her bed.

"It's troubling how little information we have on them, and maddening how we have nobody to turn to." Artemis agreed, curling up next to her.

"The past or the future can't help us…" She pet him absentmindedly. "Even Ami-chan knows nothing…so who can help us? Who are these people?"

/+/

I trust everyone here is at least familiar with Eros, or Cupid in Roman.

If you think there are references to Parallel Sailor Moon here, you're correct.

It's been a very long time. Hi. I don't really have an explanation or an excuse. I'm just happy to finally be able to write this again.