A/N I'm not sure if it's good etiquette to have more than one incomplete fic running at the same time, but this one just popped into my head, so I thought I might as well just start writing it down.
Since both of my previous fics have ended up incredibly long, I wanted to see if I could write something a lot shorter, so I'm hoping this will be done and dusted in about three or four chapters.
No massive amounts of angst or drama here (beyond a bit of yearning), just a little Season 4 Mondler will-they-won't-they.
Hope it's OK!
"How in hell did you come up with Yemen, anyway?" Joey asked with a chuckle, levering the cap off yet another bottle of beer before handing it to his morose best friend, "Couldn't you have chosen somewhere a little easier to get to? Like Boston?"
Chandler shook his head. "You don't think Janice would have offered to move to Boston? I'm telling you, Joey, the woman's insane! As soon as I said my company was transferring me overseas, she started talking about Paris or London, like she actually thought she might just come along too! I guess I should just be counting my lucky stars that she didn't fancy a new life in Yemen!"
Joey smirked in amusement, as he cracked open another beer for himself, not quite able to believe that Chandler had managed to embroil himself in yet another disastrous episode with his most nightmarish of ex-girlfriends.
"What the hell am I going to do? She already packed all of my stuff, and now she's actually threatening to come with me to the airport!" Chandler's expression was pained.
"I don't get why you can't just be honest with her! Or at least learn to lie a little better. Tell her you just came out of a relationship and that you definitely don't want to get into one with her.." Joey shrugged, unable to fathom why Chandler always seemed to find it so hard to serve this woman the hard "No" she apparently required.
If there was ever a human Joey would be happy to let down in the least gentle way possible, it would be the irritatingly nasal Janice.
"I tried that! I really did!" Chandler insisted, "But it was like shouting into the abyss. And now I'm in way too deep. What the hell am I going to do in Yemen?"
He ran a self-loathing hand over his face and took yet another ill-advised swig of beer.
He doubted that an evening of getting mildly drunk with Joey was going to help matters very much at all. A hangover was certainly not going to improve either a trip to the airport with Janice, or an increasingly likely impromptu flight to the Middle East, but right now it felt worth it: Anything to numb the edges of his catastrophic love life, even if only for a few brief hours.
"C'mon, you're not actually going to Yemen" Joey yawned as he reclined his lounger and shifted his body comfortably. "You just need to come up with a good way to put Janice off."
His eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he took a cool swig of beer and pondered Chandler's predicament.
"Maybe you should make her think there's another woman already on the scene!" Joey suggested "If somebody else turned up to declare her love for you and ask you not to leave, you could stay in New York, and Janice would back off for sure..."
Chandler eyed him incredulously.
"Of course! Why didn't I think of that? I'll just ask one of the hoards of women who are desperate to declare their love for me if they can stop by tomorrow and put on a show for my crazy ex. You know, I think they're already forming a queue outside.. "
Joey rolled his eyes at Chandler's sarcastic response.
"Just ask one of our girls to help you out. Phoebe is an excellent liar! And she could totally kick Janice's ass. Or I'll bet Monica would do it..."
"Forget it" Chandler rejected brusquely, his eyes darkening as he brought his beer bottle somberly to his lips.
"She pretended to be my girlfriend when I wanted to go on that double date with that Angela girl.." Joey recalled.
Chandler snapped his recliner into an upright position.
"Only because you tricked her into it!" he pointed out, scathingly.
Joey shrugged "She still went along with it though. And she did a great job too! We tore that couple apart! Come on, let's go ask her if she'll help you out."
Excitement suddenly flooded Joey's chocolate brown eyes at the prospect of mobilizing a plan to thwart Janice, no matter how poorly-conceived, and he readied himself to stand.
"No!" Chandler told him assertively "Janice would never buy that. And there's absolutely no way I'm involving Monica in any of this."
Joey took pause and studied his friend's face, intrigued to see that Chandler was suddenly flushed with irritation and shuffling uncomfortably in his chair.
The Italian narrowed his eyes "What's going on with you two?" he asked curiously "You were being all weird around her yesterday as well."
"I was not." Chandler refuted with a scoff that was a little too hesitant to feel natural or convincing.
"Yeah you were..." Joey gave a pensive nod, before his tone became accusatory, "She sat down next to you, right there in that chair, and you acted all weird and aloof, and then you ran away to your room."
When Chandler's face grew scornful and he began to shake his head, Joey doubled down on his assertion, and wagged a warning finger in his friend's direction, "Don't you deny it! That definitely happened, Chandler, because Monica noticed it too."
Chandler swung his head round guiltily as he absorbed these words, suddenly anxious that he had inadvertently hurt Monica's feelings with his strange behavior .
"What did she say?" he mumbled.
But Joey appeared unconcerned. "Nothing really. She just wondered what was up, I think. What's going on? Has Monica done something to piss you off?"
"No," Chandler denied, shaking his head uneasily.
He pressed his eyelids closed, wishing desperately that his current feelings towards Monica were anywhere near that straightforward.
When he looked back towards Joey, he found that his friend's inquisitive eyes were still focused intently upon him, and he felt himself shudder slightly with embarrassment.
It had not been Chandler's intention to unburden himself of the thoughts he had been having about their beautiful friend and neighbour, but the warm glow of multiple beers had lowered his guard in such a way that he felt suddenly glad to be able to lighten the veritable load.
"It's nothing like that" he began to explain "I don't know why, but I've just been feeling a little awkward around Monica lately. It's probably nothing.. It might just be because ... well, I've been having a few... dreams about her".
The lascivious grin that immediately spread across Joey's lips left Chandler in no doubt that his friend had instantly guessed precisely the kind of dream he was admitting to.
"Yeah?" Joey asked eagerly sitting up tall in his chair, clearly keen for his friend to spill every lurid detail.
"Yeah. I mean, it's hardly surprising, I guess.. They started after the whole strip club fiasco." Chandler explained.
Joey's expression fleetingly switched from intrigue to abject hurt, as he remembered Chandler's unforgivable decision to allow their three girlfriends to accompany him for cocktails and lap dances as part of his recovery from his break up with Kathy, rather than waiting for Joey to return from his fishing trip.
The hunger soon returned to his eyes, however, when he considered the implications the inclusion of the club might have upon the content of Chandler's late-night fantasy.
"So what happened in the dream?" he asked impatiently.
Chandler regarded him with a hint of annoyance, not feeling particularly keen to share the details, but still he continued in earnest.
"Well, you know how I told you that when we all got home from the club, the girls started talking about which dancer they each found the most attractive?"
"Yeah!" Joey's eyes were practically dancing with excitement as he prepared to immerse himself in Chandler's tawdry subconscious.
"Well, the dream kind of started out like that: All of the girls were there, and so were the dancers they'd been talking about..."
Joey gave him a lewd grin of encouragement "And?"
"Well, gradually everybody else, just kind of made excuses to leave..."
Chandler's eyes fell sheepishly towards his lap. "And eventually... it's always... just her."
"And you?" Joey clarified.
"Well yeah, of course me!" Chandler replied curtly "It's my dream!"
"So what!" Joey immediately dismissed Chandler's unease with a blithe wave of his arm "I dream about her all the time! And Rachel and Phoebe too! We see those girls everyday, they're bound to be in our heads. It's no big deal!"
"I know that." Chandler conceded, his eyes glazing over as he flung his head back against his chair and mulled over Joey's words.
Monica might be one of his oldest and dearest friends, but Chandler was certainly not ignorant to the fact that she was also an exceptionally attractive woman. So spectacularly beautiful in fact, that it was little wonder that he had, on occasion, allowed himself to consider her in a way that strayed beyond the purely platonic. He had always felt confident that these occasional musings between friends were entirely natural and harmless.
And just as Joey had suggested, this was not exclusive to Monica: When Chandler had first met Phoebe he had been somewhat beguiled by her feline green eyes and long blonde tresses; And upon being re-introduced to Rachel, he could not say that he had been completely immune to her considerable charms either.
But there was something about Monica.
With her, it had always felt a little different. It was not just Monica's irrefutable beauty that he found so utterly compelling; the woman possessed some indefinable quality that propelled her into a different league inside his head.
Chandler truly believed that he and Monica were fundamentally on the same wavelength; cut from the same cloth. He felt bonded to her in a way that surpassed any relationship he had ever had with any other woman, and he did not think that was purely down to the longevity of their friendship.
He could not help but admire her passion, her intelligence, and her wit; and the appreciation she gave him in return energized him somehow. He exhibited an unconscious but unfailing desire to impress her; and whenever he cracked a joke or delivered a sarcastic remark, one eye was always awaiting her reaction; desperately craving both her attention and approval. The shared wry smirks, and barely perceptible knowing glances the two of them shared were food for Chandler's soul, and never failed to provoke a warm and satisfying thrill.
The fact that Monica understood him in a way that nobody else seemed to, allowed Chandler to feel a rare sense of ease in her company.
Their congenial, mutual affection had seen the two of them cultivate a physical closeness that was perhaps a little unusual for two friends, and Chandler had began to wonder if it was this platonic intimacy that had prompted the eventual escalation of his feelings: They had sought chaste comfort in each others arms with such frequency, that it was not a huge stretch for Chandler to imagine how it might feel to go one step further, and bring his lips to meet hers, or to draw her lithe body that little bit closer.
The realization that he had found himself viewing Monica through an altogether more romantic and occasionally lustful lens, might have dawned upon him like a disturbingly bright bulb illuminating his mind, but Chandler suspected that the change in him had been a more gradual evolution.
He did not know exactly how or when it had happened, but the fact was, that nowadays, Monica's beautiful face haunted his thoughts more often that could possibly be deemed appropriate; his eyes were drawn to her like magnets whenever they were in the same room; the pit of his stomach aflutter with butterflies every time she looped a companionable arm around his waist, or nestled her slender body close to his on the couch. And quite frankly, he was finding it all a little terrifying.
Joey's eyes widened a little as continued to observe Chandler's troubled expression.
"Wait, are you saying you have a crush on her?" he finally asked.
Chandler sighed, his face etched with despondent confusion "Maybe? I dunno. Somewhere along the line, I just started looking at her differently, I guess."
"Wow" said Joey, examining his friend thoughtfully as they sat for a moment in subdued quiet.
"Maybe this all has to do with Kathy," Joey eventually proposed, "I mean, you thought she might have been "the one", right? So maybe when things finished with her so suddenly, all of those feelings you had for her, just had no place to go... Perhaps you somehow attached them to Monica?"
Chandler raised his eyebrows as he considered Joey's suggestion, more because he was surprised that his friend could have come up with such a considered, if amateurish psychological assessment, than because he thought there was any truth behind his words.
"I guess that makes some sort of sense" he nodded "The only thing is... there was a little... overlap..with Kathy."
"What?" Joey looked completely astonished, "You liked Monica when you were with Kathy?"
"No!" Chandler rejected "Well, not really..."
His chest deflated with a loud exhale, feeling somewhat humiliated by the very idea of exposing this particular revelation.
"It's just there was this...incident. It was just before Kathy and I first slept together. I obviously wanted it to go well, and I was a little worried about it, so I went to Rachel and Monica, to ask for some advice."
"Why'd you go to them and not to me?" Joey moaned, looking highly offended.
"Well, I guess I felt a little uncomfortable, given your own personal experience with Kathy," Chandler told him pointedly, "And also, Monica and Rachel are actual women. You're just God's Gift, remember?"
"Anyway... Monica drew me a diagram..." he continued.
"Dude!" Joey interrupted him with a scoff, and raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Surely even you don't need a diagram?"
"Oh-ho, you wish you saw this diagram!" Chandler retorted, annoyed by the implication behind Joey's imperiousness, and confident that even their very own resident Casanova would have found enlightenment in Monica's highly detailed explanation of female anatomy.
"Anyway, the diagram's not important... It was the way she explained it all."
Chandler swallowed hard, his mind drifting back to the initially sultry smile had slowly faded from Monica's face as she had began to guide him around her drawing; her crystalline eyes clouding over with some kind of distant ardor whilst he had sat in silence, allowing her to school him on how best to sequentially hit each of the erogenous zones featured in her sketch.
He had been perched on the coffee table, sitting right opposite her, leaning forward, so that her increasingly enchanted face was just centimeters from his own, her mounting zeal causing an excruciatingly heightened awareness of their physical proximity.
Every muscle in his body had involuntarily tensed as he had sat, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, observing each parting of her rosy lips, and every languid blink of her heavy-lashed eyes; eventually having to tear his gaze away from the near ecstatic contortions of her gorgeous face, in a futile attempt to resist imagining what happening in her mind. He had found himself scarcely able to breath as she had thrown her head back, exposing the appealingly creamy skin of her throat, and unable to speak a single word when she eventually returned her gaze to his, a coy smile breaking playfully across her face.
He moistened his suddenly dry lips as he looked back at Joey "She was really... enthusiastic." he told him diplomatically.
Joey's eyes widened in glee.
"Yeah? You mean she was getting off on her own dirty drawing? And Rachel was there too? Did she say anything?" he asked, determined to build a robust and well-detailed picture of this scenario in his own mind.
Chandler shook his head as he struggled to recall anything beyond Monica's rapturous features "Er.. yeah.. She said something about toes..."
Joey looked ready to burst with joy.
"Did it work? Her tutorial, I mean?"
"Yeah" Chandler nodded, "Kathy certainly seemed appreciative."
His face became shrouded in shame once more as he admitted "The only problem was, when I was putting it all into action, it was hard not to think about the way Monica had delivered the lesson."
Joey frowned sympathetically as he observed his friend's remorseful expression.
"Well, that all sounds pretty hot to me," Joey assured him "I don't think it's that weird that you'd dwell on it a little."
"I don't think that was the beginning of it all though," Chandler told him gruffly "I think that was just what alerted me to the fact that I'd started seeing Monica differently at some point."
Joey suddenly took a sharp lungful of air as he stared back at Chandler incredulously "Wait a minute! Was that what all that "I could be your boyfriend" stuff was back in Montauk? Have you liked Monica all this time? "
"No! Not really. I don't know? I was definitely kidding around back then. Or at least I think I was?" Chandler slumped back in complete befuddlement. "I honestly have no idea anymore, Joe. I'm totally confused."
He raked his fingers through his hair in deep frustration.
"And now just to cap it all off, Janice is back, and I have to move to a different time zone."
He let out a gutteral groan of pure anguish, before taking a desperate chug of beer.
"So what are you going to do about Monica? " Joey queried hesitantly.
"I'm not going to do anything. I just need to wait for these thoughts to go away." Chandler told him adamantly.
"Don't you think maybe you should talk to her about it?" Joey prompted gently.
"Are you serious?" Chandler scoffed, " You think I should just march on up to her and say "Oh hey! I think I might be in love with you! " Can you imagine how awkward that would make her feel? How pathetic she'd think I am? There's no way -"
A clatter from the kitchen instantly halted Chandler's rant, sending the two men spinning around in their seats, ready to investigate the origin of the noise.
Both sets of eyes widened in horror and disbelief as they came to settle on Monica, who was standing by the counter, shifting uneasily from foot to foot, her brow furrowed and her cobalt eyes wide and unsure.
"I'm sorry," she said, after clearing her throat and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear "I just came over to drop off the pan you wanted."
She gestured weakly towards the small saucepan Chandler had asked to borrow earlier that evening.
Chandler and Joey continued to gape back at her in wordless mortification, their continued silence causing her cheeks to turn pink with embarrassment.
"I'll er... I'll see you guys tomorrow, anyway," she stammered, as she turned on her heel and scurried from the room.
Chandler felt like the air had been viciously stamped from his lungs, and the lack of oxygen was beginning to make the room spin.
"Oh my God. Oh my God! No, no, no, no! That didn't just happen. That did not just happen!" he leapt to his feet and rounded on Joey, "How long was she standing there?"
But Joey could only stare back at him, completely dumbfounded
"How long, Joey?" he demanded frantically.
"I don't know! I just saw her when you did! If I'd known she was there I would have told you to shut up!" Joey stood up and ran a stressed palm over his hair.
"She might not have heard anything.." Joey attempted to console Chandler, but his eyes brimmed with doubt.
"Are you kidding? Did you see the look on her face? She ran out of here like I'd pointed a gun at her head, Joey! Of course she heard something!"
Joey hesitated as he regarded his friend with gentle affinity.
"You..uh..you said you're in love with her?" his voice was low as he pointed out the words that had unintentionally spilled from his friend's lips.
Chandler regarded him ruefully.
"I said "might"" he corrected "Might be in love with her"
"Man, you're going to have to talk to her about this." Joey told him decisively.
"Talk to her? I can't even breathe right now, let alone talk!" Chandler paced up and down uselessly for a while as his traumatised brain struggled to concoct anything that remotely resembled a plan of action.
"Well, suddenly moving to Yemen doesn't sound so bad! In fact, I might just head straight for the airport right now!"
He placed his palms against the counter top and braced himself against the solid wood.
"I can't believe that just happened! Shit!" he yelled in frustration, just as the door flew open once again.
"Gahhh!" his shout petered off into another indistinguishable exclamation of anguish as Monica re-appeared in the doorway.
"Look, I'm really sorry for bursting in like that" she gazed up at Chandler, her eyes glistening with sincerity as she quietly spoke, "I wasn't trying to invade your privacy, and I don't want you to feel embarrassed about what I overheard, Chandler."
He pressed his eyes closed and turned away from her; attempting to swallow down a painful lump that constricted his sawdust-dry throat; before glancing briefly towards Joey, who seemed unable to tear his stricken eyes from the excruciating scene that was unfolding before him.
"So who is it?" Monica asked, after what felt like an intolerable period of silence, her voice barely more than a whisper "I mean, I think I already know..."
Chandler paused with a frown as he tried to make sense of her question.
"Who's what?" he managed to rasp.
"The person you're in love with?" Monica asked softly.
Chandler gazed back with astonishment into that exquisite guileless face, and almost laughed out loud.
"You didn't hear that part!" he stated, trying to contain his joyous relief, as the pounding of his heart began to ebb and his breathing slowed to a more comfortable rhythm.
His eyes met Joey's and he could see his friend's tension beginning to decompress on his behalf.
"Is it Kathy?" Monica asked gently, reaching out to tenderly touch his forearm, her delicate fingers causing a flourish of goosebumps to electrify his skin.
"Yeah!" he nodded, trying not to sound as elated and triumphant as he felt, "Yeah it's Kathy. I'm still in love with Kathy."
Chandler shared another loaded look with Joey as he made his way back to the living room, and flopped back into his lounger, the rapid peaking and troughing of adrenalin leaving him a little unsteady on his feet.
Monica nodded sympathetically as she followed behind him, coming to rest on the arm of his lounger and running her fingers affectionately through his hair, sending an immediate tingle reverberating over his scalp and down his spine.
"I think Joey's right, Sweetie. I think maybe you should talk to her."
Monica looked down as she spoke, feeling more than a little disappointed to learn that Chandler was still carrying a torch for his cheating ex-girlfriend.
It galled Monica that the doe-eyed actress had essentially betrayed not one, but two of her closest friends. Kathy had almost succeeded in driving an unthinkable wedge between Chandler and Joey with her fickle swing of affection; and then she had gone on to break Chandler's sweet heart by falling far too readily into bed with her muscular co-star, after an unresolved argument with the man who had fallen so desperately in love with her.
So it was official: Monica could not stand the woman. However, there was no way she would ever let her own reservations stand in the way of Chandler's happiness.
She knew that Chandler and Kathy's relationship had ended brutally, the two of them had not exchanged two words since the moment Chandler had stormed out of her apartment following the discovery of her new lover; and Monica pertinently felt that Chandler's ability to move on was being significantly hindered by the fact that he had not had the chance to talk things through, or air his very reasonable grievances.
"I know how much Kathy hurt you, and nobody could ever blame you for not being able to forgive her for what she did." Monica told him, sliding her arm around his shoulder and resting her head against his.
"But you haven't really talked it all out with her, Chandler. And maybe that's why you're finding it so hard to move on."
"Yeah maybe." Chandler agreed, concentrating hard on not catching Joey's eye, feeling the weight of his friend's scrutinizing gaze heavily upon him, as he basked in Monica's tender affection.
Monica gave a deep steeling sigh as she told him honestly, "Look, I can't pretend to be a huge fan of Kathy's after what she did to you; and to Joey," she added ruefully, "But you shouldn't let anybody else's opinions affect your own judgement."
"I know how happy you were with Kathy, and if you still love her, and if you feel like you might be able to forgive her, and grow to trust her again, you shouldn't let pride stand in the way of that."
"Either way, if you just talk to her, hear her out, and tell her how you're feeling, maybe you'll feel less confused about it all? It might bring you closure, if nothing else."
"I hate seeing you so unhappy," she whispered, planting an affectionate kiss on top of his head.
"Thanks Mon" he whispered back hoarsely, "Maybe I'll call her tomorrow. If I'm not in Yemen or married to Janice by then."
She leaned back from him to examine his face with curiosity.
"Oh, the move to Yemen is still on! Janice is taking him to the airport tomorrow" Joey explained with an eye-roll.
"My God, Chandler!" Monica gave his arm a jokingly exasperated swipe "Just tell her no! I've gotta say, I was a little worried that you were going to tell me it was her you're secretly in love with"
Chandler shot her a look of reproach.
She patted his thigh as she got to her feet to leave.
"Right, it's getting late. You should head to bed if you're gonna make that flight" she smirked "Night guys."
Chandler's wistful eyes followed her as she crossed the room, but as soon as the door clicked closed behind her, he began to stare vacantly ahead, swilling the last of his beer.
"Man! That was close!" Joey exclaimed, "So, are you really going to call Kathy ?"
"No, of course not" Chandler told him witheringly "I'm not interested in anything Kathy has to say. I'm over that. I'll just tell Monica I called her".
"And are you going to talk to Monica?" Joey ventured
"No, of course not" Chandler repeated, equally as witheringly.
"And Janice?"
At this final question from his best friend, all Chandler was able to do, was cradle his head in his hands and let out the most tortured of groans.