Walking into the ring, I was grateful for training as a distraction. Still, even with Cassian's sparring session, I found the mix of guilt and fear dragging me back to Lucien this morning.
A padded fist hit the side of my head softly.
"Hey. You've been distracted all morning. Focus." Cassian ordered, his eyes commanding but with a hint of worry.
I shook my head, lifting my hands up higher.
"Sorry." I muttered apologetically. Cassian's brows furrowed briefly, surprised at my lack of usual sass and retort.
I sent another set of thirty blows into his fists.
Azriel wandered in halfway through, sitting on a rock drinking water, watching us spar thoughtfully.
We continued our exercise, alternating between side blows and punches. I willed my mind to focus on Cassian's swings and instruction.
"Good. Now show me how you'd get someone to the floor." He instructed.
I lunged forward, his stance ready. I wrapped an arm around his chest and pushed my left leg out straight behind his knees.
I pushed his body hard, realising I'd miscoordinated the timing, the lunge now losing momentum.
I cringed as he easily pulled me backwards, lowering me until my back hit the ground.
Azriel smiled in amusement in the corner.
"You took too long to push, you need to use your weight as momentum because you don't have the size." He instructed cautiously.
I nodded, scrambling up and getting back into stance.
His eyes narrowed briefly at my unusual silence today.
Even Azriel's gaze I could feel analysing me from across the ring.
I tried again, lunging and tackling.
I coordinated my body weight well this time, feeling satisfied as the air whooshed out of Cassian's lungs as I collided into him, using the force to make him trip over my extended leg behind him. He landed flat on his back.
I landed next to him on my knees, pausing to see if he was okay.
Unnecessary guilt was a lingering theme today.
He looked up at me with a proud smile.
"Quick, better finish me off before I retaliate." He raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to move, still laying on his back.
I frowned, forgetting what I would now do in the event that this was a real brawl.
A dark shadow wrapped around my hand, forming a fist, the feeling like a cool wind, pulling my hand down to Cassian's sternum.
I glanced up at Azriel, who chuckled in response.
Cassian rolled his eyes.
"Cheater." He chuckled. "But yes, a solid strike to the sternum, enough to stop your enemy's heart."
I nodded appreciatively at the new knowledge.
Cassian got up, pulling me to my feet.
I sipped on my water, leaning against the stone wall, Cassian watching me a few paces away as he sipped his own.
I stared off, lost in thought.
I looked up at him to ask him a question, surprised to find his gaze on my face already.
"Do you ever feel guilty for something that was necessary?" I queried innocently. Pictures of Tamlin and his wrecked manor flashed across my mind.
Cassian's eyes were thoughtful.
"Yes. But I just remind myself that it is essential to do what is necessary, even if there are costs." He stepped closer to me, his eyes warm.
"But it is not your guilt to bear, nor your fault." His face was contemplative, reading through my question. He knew I meant Tamlin's ruin.
His reassurance eased the fear in my heart.
I smiled appreciatively.
"Thanks."
He winked kindly.
We finished another hour in training. I watched Azriel and Cassian train hand to hand for a while which was a sight to see, before heading back to the house.
I showered afterwards and then went for a solo walk around the forest to keep my mind busy.
I still couldn't believe Lucien. With the nightmares and my general emotions right now, Rhys being away, I just did not have to deal with his misery and accusation. He had really gotten under my skin with his threat.
I calculated whether it was safe for him to be in the Night Court, his actions making me rethink his loyalty and motives.
I leaned on the outside balcony, watching the sun low in the sky as evening approached. I shivered at the cool breeze, crossing my arms and leaning against the stone railing.
My thoughts spiralled again, my heart beating hard against my chest at the flashes of Lucien's fist pounding the cupboard above me. The proximity. Sly fox. I swallowed my anger.
"Hey." Cassian's voice appeared from behind me. I turned around and smiled, now back in reality.
He walked over, leaning on the railing with his hands, elbows locked.
His bronze skin glistened with sweat, still in his Illyrian training clothes.
"Who won?" I teased, looking up at him.
"Obviously me." Cassian replied quickly.
A throat clearing sound echoed from the dining room inside. I chuckled.
"So competitive." I shot him a wry glance.
He chuckled once. His eyes lingered on my face as he contemplated speaking.
"Feyre, is everything okay?" He nudged my arm.
I paused to look at him. No humour was in his expression.
I pursed my lips and nodded.
I knew he could smell my fear, my confusion. Especially given I was just lost in thought about this morning.
He stepped closer.
"You know, I meant what I said last night. You can talk to me."
I considered his words. My heart still pounded.
I opened my mouth to speak, not sure what to say. I deliberated, closing it again.
Cassian tilted his head and raised his brows, prompting me to go on.
I sighed.
"It's probably nothing." I muttered, staring back out at the view.
I didn't want to annoy him with my petty emotions.
He shifted, leaning his back against the railing, inches from me. I could feel his empathy, his friendship.
"Whatever it is, it's got you rattled. That's not nothing." Cassian's eyes flickered with concern.
I pursed my lips, looking up at him. His kindness made my throat sting with emotion.
I took a steadied breath.
"I, it's just." I began. He focussed intently, paying attention closely. "Lucien has been acting weird."
Cassian's eyes narrowed. His focus sharpened at my words. He crossed his arms against his chest.
"What do you mean specifically?" He pushed, his tone stern.
I imagined it was likely Azriel was also listening to this conversation from inside.
I swallowed, turning around and leaning my back against the railing, mirroring him. Cassian towered over me, his eyes analysing my face, his forearm muscles rippling, crossed against his waited anxiously for me to speak again.
"He's, angrier." I looked down at the floor. "Particularly at me." I said softly.
Cassian's lip pulled back as he restrained a snarl.
My heart rate increased and I knew he could hear it.
I knew he could smell my fear, see the fast pace of my rising and falling chest.
His warrior instincts. I noticed shadows hovering by the doorway in my periphery, Azriel also alert now at my words.
I panicked. They didn't need this. I could handle Lucien. I wouldn't have them in danger.
I crossed my arms casually.
"It's nothing. I'm probably just reading into it too much."
I forced a smile. I noticed Azriel now standing against the doorframe, his face a blanket of cold calm.
Cassian stood unmoving, his eyes fluttering from side to side. Thinking, analysing my body language.
"Feyre." He said with primal command.
I looked up into his eyes in compliance on instinct.
"Did he threaten you?"
His voice was a low growl, his arms tightening across his chest, restraining his anger.
Azriel's head snapped up at Cassian's question, eager for my response. I noticed his blue siphons flare.
My heart lurched. This was a mistake. I watched Cassian's hazel eyes for a few seconds more.
"No." My voice broke, giving me away.
Cassian's eyes widened, sensing my lie.
I turned on my heels, heading to the door. I couldn't have this conversation without crying.
Azriel winnowed in front of me, his hands gentle on my shoulders. I gasped at the shock, tears flooding my eyes.
Azriel's eyes were apologetic, yet also held restrained anger.
"Feyre, talk to us." His voice was filled with concern. He rubbed my arms once.
Cassian was practically steaming with rage, storming over next to Azriel. Not so subtly blocking the door.
I sighed.
"Tell me what happened." Cassian commanded, his arms still crossed, rage radiating from them.
I looked down. This was stupid. I didn't need to bother them but I also felt grateful for the comfort.
"In the kitchen this morning he was furious. He blamed me for Tamlin's ruin. He demanded I go talk to him-"
A growl broke off, rumbling from Azriel's chest, his expression lethal.
"He stormed at me, pounding the cupboard above me. I was sure he was going to-" my voice trailed off at the memory.
Cassian shook with fury, Azriel becoming ungodly still with tension, his shadows radiating from his shoulders.
"I'm going to fucking kill him." Cassian snarled, turning, Azriel following in unison.
"No!"
The two warriors turned on instinct back to me.
"Please. Let me handle it." I wouldn't risk their safety. I was too emotional right now to risk any harm to them.
My words were a beg.
Cassian's stance softened, taking in my tears. Azriel's shoulders relaxed slightly.
"I can't promise we won't kill him when Rhys is back." Azriel said, his voice low and neutral.
I nodded.
"Thank you."
Cassian huffed a breath out. He tilted his head in sympathy, coming over and embracing me. I hugged him back.
"Fine." He stood back. "But he does not so much as speak to you without one of us with you. Understand? " he bent down to meet my eyes, his expression pleading.
I nodded.
"Thank you. Both." I said emotionally.
Azriel smiled although his eyes still appeared to be distant. Likely calculating torture methods.
Cassian hugged me again, his body relaxing.
I got up early the next day, eager for some solitude.
Cassian was back to his normal mischievous self this morning which made me feel relieved. Azriel and him cut firewood ready for Rhys return, their muscles glistening in the sun.
I let them know that I would be off on a walk and while they hesitated a few seconds, they were happy for me to go. My conversation yesterday must have had them on high alert.
I was lucky they were so paranoid.
I walked and walked, the vibration of each step calming the anxious energy in me. I imaginedmy fear seeping from me and into the ground.
The river gushed alongside me, the pine trees humming in the breeze. The solitude and nature was grounding.
I noticed shadows floating through the trees, following me. They would be reporting back to Azriel. Cheeky spies.
Two hours must have passed before I decided I ought to turn around,the rumble of my stomach as my guide.
I turned back the way I came when the fear struck me.
Dread. Threat.
The red hair flowing in the wind.
Lucien glared, only this time his expression was different. Murderous. Bloodthirsty. His eyes glistened almost black with rage, his fists clenched at his side.
"Feyre." He growled, his tone like an animal.
Every part of me screamed to run.
"I won't let him destroy will come and speak to him. Now." It was not a request but a threat.
My breath came out in fast pants, fear striking me, my knees trembling. I would never go back.
"Never." I spat back, powers of wind and ice at my fingertips, ready.
Lucien's lip curled in a snarl.
He stepped forward. If he grabbed me, i knew he could winnow us both straight to the Spring Court. I would not be trapped again. I would defend myself.
I didn't let him explain. I lunged, firing a large icy explosive at his chest. The impact knocked him from his feet.
I turned and winnowed a few feet ahead, landing heavily and breaking into a sprint again. I pumped my arms hard, gasping as I pushed faster.
Lucien winnowed in front of me and I reacted instantly. Flames were in his hands. I mustered my power firing harder this time, icy and wind swirling around him furiously, extinguishing his blazes, trapping him in a vortex. I held it in place as the second ticked by, watching him fight against the force.
I winnowed twice and then I was sprinting. It was only a matter of time before the shadows reported back. They would likely be on their way to me now. I just had to not let Lucien touch me.
I couldn't go back to Tamlin. Couldn't stomach even seeing him again. The pain.
I was terrified as I ran and ran. I noticed more shadows floating through the tree tops.
"Azriel!" I screamed, jumping over a fallen tree.I winnowed again a few feet.
"Cassian!"
I was desperate, my heart pounding.
A glimpse of red hair appeared to my left and I fired all of my power again. Lucien snarled as he was engulfed in a blizzard and thrown backwards.
I ignored my screaming lungs as I wheezed pushing my legs faster. I would not go back. I would protect myself and my family.
Azriel was sat at the table with Cassian, finishing a coffee after a long sparring session.
The two had spent the morning discussing torture methods to inflict on Lucien, should Rhys give the okay when he returned. Given the thought of Feyre being threatened was enough to make the two of them blind with rage, they imagined Rhysand would not decline the request.
Cassian pondered how anyone could want to threaten Feyre. He loved her like a sister now, they both did. He would enjoy teaching Lucien what it was to be intimidated.
Azriel sipped his glass of ice water, Cassian chatting in conversation.
Shadows whispered around his shoulders as per usual.
Azriel's face froze in utter fear. His glass shattered to the ground.
Cassian's heart stopped for a second.
"Feyre."
Azriel dove for the door, Cassian directly behind him as the two Illyrian's threw themselves into the air.
The sight that they approached, was enough to make the two Illyrians reconsider waiting for Rhys's direction.
Feyre ran below, terrified, sprinting for her life, Lucien close behind, his face that of a predator.
The primal fury made the two Illyrians shake with rage. They plummeted below on free fall, ready to slaughter the threat to their High Lady.
A shadow thundered to the ground just behind me. I turned in utter fear, afraid Lucien would be seconds away from grabbing me, winnowing me back to hell.
Azriel stood with blades out, wings spread wide, shielding me.
I blinked in shock and Cassian was in front of me. In between their two shoulders, I could just see a terrified Lucien, his hair slick with ice and sweat.
His crazed eyes turned to utter fear and I couldn't help the pride I felt at the sight.
The relief was enough to bring my knees to the ground.
Azriel lunged forward and in a shadowed haze, he struck twice. Lucien was on the ground instantly, red blood pouring from his stomach. He looked small next to Azriel's rippling muscles and fury.
Cassian still stood in front of me, an arm outstretched, guarding me, his eyes a mix of rage and disappointment, with Azriel getting all strikes in before him.
Azriel flicked the blood off his knife, the metal clean again. Cassian stepped forward, Lucien still kneeling on the ground.
The red hair suddenly disappeared as he winnowed away. Cassian turned in rage, Azriel growling and prepping to winnow himself.
"Wait! Azriel, don't kill him yet" I rasped, desperately. Azriel haulted, his eyes murderous.
Killing Lucien now would complicate the relationships with both the Spring and the Autumn Court that Rhys was trying to work. We would need to strategise the fall out before he got what he deserved.
He clenched his jaw and nodded once, placing his knife back into his sheath.
"Are you hurt?" Cassian gripped my arm, scanning my body. I nodded my head as their shoulders relaxed simultaneously.
Tears welled up in my eyes, some emotional leash snapping at the sight of the two who came to my defence.
Sorrow replaced rage as Cassian hugged me into his chest.
"You're safe. We're here."