The harsh fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, casting a sickly pale glow across the sterile white room. Commander Shepard strained against thick leather restraints binding his wrists and ankles to a metal hospital bed. He wore only a thin blue medical gown that crinkled with each movement. To his right, another man with white hair and cat-like yellow eyes lay similarly restrained, a long scar running down the side of his face.

"You too, huh?" Shepard asked, his dark skin glistening with sweat as he tested the restraints again.

The white-haired man turned, his own hospital gown rustling. "Seems we're both someone's guests." His voice carried a gravelly Eastern European accent. "Geralt of Rivia. Though I doubt formal introductions matter much now."

"Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy." Shepard's eyes darted around the room, taking in the metal surgical tools laid out on gleaming trays. "Any idea how you got here?"

"Last thing I remember was tracking a contract. Heard rumors of people going missing near an old tower." Geralt's chains clinked as he shifted. "You?"

"Mission went sideways. Team got separated. Then nothing." Shepard frowned. "Something's not right about this place. Smells wrong."

The door hissed open, revealing a tall man in a white lab coat, his polished shoes clicking against the tile floor. A surgical mask hung loosely around his neck, and his wide grin showed too many teeth.

"Ah, my special patients are awake!" He clapped his hands together. "Wonderful, wonderful. We can begin the procedures." His voice had an unsettling sing-song quality.

"What procedures?" Geralt growled, his yellow eyes narrowing.

The doctor picked up a wicked-looking metal instrument, turning it so it caught the light. "Just some simple lobotomies. Nothing to worry about! You won't feel a thing... afterward." He giggled, the sound echoing off the bare walls.

Shepard's jaw clenched. "You don't want to do this. Let us go, and we can pretend this never happened."

"Oh, but I do want to do this! Such fascinating specimens." The doctor leaned over Geralt. "A genetically enhanced monster hunter..." He moved to Shepard. "And a cybernetically augmented super-soldier. Think of the research possibilities!"

"What's a lobotomy?" Geralt whispered to Shepard, eyes tracking the doctor's movement.

Shepard kept his voice low, tension evident in his shoulders. "They take a metal spike and push it through your eye socket into your brain. Scrambles everything that makes you... you."

Geralt's face darkened. "Not if I can help it." His fingers worked subtly at the restraints.

The doctor turned back to his surgical tray, humming tunelessly as he arranged his instruments with loving care, unaware that both his "specimens" were already planning their escape.

The metal door swung open again, revealing a man in his mid-twenties wearing a blue t-shirt with "BEAST" emblazoned across the chest. Behind him, a camera crew filed in with professional equipment, their red recording lights casting tiny crimson dots across the sterile walls.

"What's up guys!" The newcomer's voice boomed with enthusiastic energy that felt jarringly out of place in the medical room. "Today we're doing something CRAZY! I'm here with Commander Shepard from the Systems Alliance and... uh..." He glanced at a notecard. "Gerald of Rivera?"

"Geralt of Rivia," the witcher corrected, letting out a dry chuckle. "What manner of madness is this?"

"We're going to play chess!" Mr. Beast gestured dramatically as a crew member wheeled in an ornate chess board on a small table. "The winner gets one million credits for Shepard, or one million crowns for Geralt! But..." He paused for dramatic effect. "The loser gets a lobotomy from our friendly doctor here!"

The doctor waved cheerfully at the camera, his surgical tools glinting under the fluorescent lights.

Shepard pulled against his restraints, the leather creaking. "Not to point out the obvious, but how exactly are we supposed to play chess like this?" He nodded toward his bound hands. "Unless you expect us to move pieces with our teeth."

"Oh..." Mr. Beast's excitement faltered momentarily. He turned to the doctor. "Can we maybe unstrap one of their hands? Just one?"

The doctor's perpetual grin widened. "Oh no, no, no! They're far too dangerous for that. Perhaps we could have someone move the pieces for them?"

Geralt barked out another laugh, his yellow eyes glinting with amusement. "I don't even know what chess is. Or what a 'YouTube' might be." He turned his head toward Shepard. "Tell me, is this normal for your world? Strange men bursting in with light-capturing boxes, offering fortunes for games?"

"Can't say it is," Shepard replied dryly. "Though I've had weirder days in the Terminus Systems."

Mr. Beast looked between them, his enthusiasm undimmed. "Well, this is awkward. But don't worry, we can teach Geralt the rules! And maybe we can have Shandler move the pieces for them?"

"Fascinating!" The doctor clapped his hands together. "A test of strategic thinking before we remove their capacity for it! Simply delightful!"

"I have a counter-proposal," Geralt said, a dangerous edge creeping into his voice. The leather restraint on his right wrist had begun to loosen, though he kept his arm still. "How about we skip the chess entirely and move straight to the part where this goes horribly wrong for you?"

Shepard caught the subtle movement and smiled grimly. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Mr. Beast, oblivious to the mounting tension, turned to the camera with a bright grin. "This is going to be the most INSANE video yet! Don't forget to like and subscribe..."

A sharp crack echoed through the sterile room as both sets of restraints suddenly split apart, metal pieces clattering against the tile floor. Before anyone could react, Shepard and Geralt were already moving.

Shepard launched himself off the bed in a fluid motion, his hospital gown fluttering as he drove his shoulder into the doctor's midsection. The impact sent surgical instruments scattering across the floor with metallic pings. The doctor's back slammed against the white wall with enough force to crack the plaster, his eyes wide with shock.

"Crazy video, right?" Shepard growled, pinning the struggling doctor.

Meanwhile, Geralt rolled to his right, yellow eyes scanning the room as the camera crew backed away. His bare feet touched the cold floor as he positioned himself between Mr. Beast and the door. "Don't suppose you'd care to explain who cut our restraints?"

Mr. Beast's face had lost its enthusiastic smile, his hands raised. "Uh... guys, this isn't part of the challenge-"

A blast of blue energy suddenly erupted from the ceiling vent, warping the metal grate. The camera crew scattered, dropping their equipment with loud crashes. Through the newly created hole dropped a lithe figure in a black tactical hood, purple biotic energy crackling around her hands.

"Took you long enough, Kasumi," Shepard called out, still restraining the struggling doctor.

"Sorry, Shep. Had to wait for the right dramatic moment." Kasumi's cloaking device flickered as she materialized fully. "Plus, your new friend's associate needed time to get into position."

A gravelly voice spoke from the doorway. "Indeed." A man with a scarred face and twin swords strapped to his back stepped into view. "Thought you might need some help, Geralt."

"Vesemir." Geralt nodded, a slight smile crossing his face. "Should have known you'd track me down."

Mr. Beast looked between them all, then turned to his cameraman who had taken cover behind an overturned surgical cart. "Please tell me you're getting all this!"

The doctor began laughing hysterically, his pristine lab coat now rumpled. "Oh, this is perfect! Simply perfect! The specimens have friends! More test subjects for-"

Shepard's fist connected with the doctor's jaw, cutting off his manic speech. The impact echoed in the now-quiet room as the doctor slumped unconscious.

"Anyone else want to try their luck?" Geralt asked, his stance loose but ready as he faced the remaining camera crew. They quickly shook their heads.

Mr. Beast slowly reached for his pocket. "So... uh... do you guys still want the prize money? Because that was INSANE and would make an amazing video-"

"Keep it," Shepard said, standing up from the unconscious doctor. "But you might want to reconsider your challenge ideas in the future."

Kasumi dropped down next to him, her tactical cloak shimmering. "I've got coordinates for extraction. Though..." she looked at Geralt and Vesemir, "not sure how we're going to explain this to the Council."

"Simple," Geralt grunted, moving to retrieve his swords from Vesemir. "You don't."