There are trigger warnings for discussions of physical violence and addiction in this chapter, so please take that into consideration before reading if these subject matters are triggering for you.
Olivia is quiet for a long moment, trying to digest the new information that her colleague has just shared with her and swears that she can feel an actual physical pain residing inside of her chest now, after learning of only a small portion of the hell that Amanda had experienced when she was younger. Her heart feels shattered with the latest revelation that the detective has uttered; that her mother had actually stood back and done nothing to protect her daughters, even though she had known full well what was happening.
This is certainly not the first time Olivia has encountered this kind of despicable behavior; parents looking the other way while their children suffer unimaginable abuse and torment. She has come across this heartbreaking issue more times than she can count in her line of work, as it is something that comes with the territory; being exposed to the absolute worst of the worst that humanity has to offer and somehow being able to put it all behind her and carry on to the next horrific case that awaits their team. There is no other way to handle situations like this if she wants to keep her job; as the leader of the Special Victims Unit, she cannot afford to fall apart on a daily basis and needs to remain strong for both her squad members and the people they try their best to help.
Olivia can feel it slowly chipping away at her as time goes on, though; that after almost two decades in this unit and having seen the variety of ways that people choose to inflict harm upon each other, there are small pieces of her soul that seem to have gone missing, only to be replaced by an everlasting sadness that dwells deep within her, the knowledge that no matter how much good they do at the precinct, there will always be those they cannot save.
It hurts her on a level she hasn't expected, after learning that Amanda had been one of those victims that had fallen through the cracks; that she hadn't been able to be saved before the worst had happened, and that the younger woman had suffered so much before they had met. Olivia has to steel herself for what is to come, though, as she is aware that there is so much more that hasn't been said; that Amanda likely has an ocean of anguish hidden inside of her that desperately needs to come out, and she resolves to listen to whatever the detective has to say without showing too much of her own emotion because she knows that Amanda needs her to be strong right now.
That innate protective instinct and the need to provide as much comfort and care as she possibly can has risen to the surface once again, and Olivia is a bit taken aback by her depth of feeling on what is occurring; at just how much she identifies with Amanda, even though their experiences have been so different. They had both been forced to endure much more than they ever should have in their youth as well as in their adulthood, and Olivia tightens her hold around the other woman's ribs, careful to keep her arm between the stab wounds, as she doesn't wish to inflict any more pain on her colleague than what she has already been made to go through.
She is pulled from her reverie when she realizes that Amanda has begun speaking again after pausing for a lengthy amount of time, likely to gather herself before continuing. "Sometimes I think I'm a monster too, Liv," the younger woman is saying in a hushed tone. "What if the worst monster isn't the one who looks away while it's happening, but the one who just gives up and goes along with it?"
Olivia frowns deeply at this quietly spoken question and has to blink back a wave of tears, the physical pain that has begun blooming inside her chest only growing stronger at these softly uttered words. "Amanda, you are not a monster," she says sternly in response, immediately lowering her voice to a more gentle tone when she feels the other woman flinch sharply in her embrace. "And you did not give up. From what you've told me so far, you did the complete opposite of that; you fought like hell for your sister, doing everything you could to save her from that terrible, violent man. What happened is not on you, honey. It's on him and the other adults in your life who were supposed to be there for you and protect you. You were still a child yourself at the time."
"I was a senior in high school, Liv," Amanda murmurs with a hint of shame in her tone. "I was close to graduating when Richard came into our lives. I should have done more. I could have done more."
"Honey, please stop," Olivia chides softly, stroking a tender hand through the smaller woman's unruly blonde hair. "You're only torturing yourself and I think you've been through more than enough, without putting the blame on yourself. Leave the blame exactly where it belongs; on him. And on your parents, who did nothing to stop it."
Olivia has to swallow down a wave of rage when she thinks of her colleague's mother just sitting back and doing nothing, and her father vacating the premises altogether, while this brutal man had been free to do whatever he chose to see fit with the two vulnerable teenagers he had under his control. As much as it bothers her when they come across this problem at the precinct, it's much harder to accept when it is one of her own who is revealing this disturbing information to her, the smaller woman lying injured and broken in her arms, barely able to keep herself together while the confessions of her youth come tumbling out into the open.
"I was so angry at my father for a long time after he left." Amanda continues speaking following another lengthy moment of silence between them. "It took a long time for the anger to fade away, but it finally did. Now there's just this lingering sense of disappointment and sadness, that he wasn't the man I thought he was."
Olivia doesn't say anything, just choosing to let Amanda keep talking, but her heart is aching for the detective huddled in her embrace and she pulls her closer as she keeps talking.
"There's a small part of me that understands him, though; to a certain degree, anyway," Amanda admits in a soft voice. "I understand that pull of addiction all too well. There was a time when I don't think I could have stopped gambling for anyone or anything. I just wish he could have stopped for the sake of his children, though."
She pauses and heaves a deep sigh. "I choose to believe that he would have, if he had known what was going to happen; if he could have seen the future. But of course, I will never know that for sure. The gambling just took over his entire life. It surpassed everyone and everything, totally obliterating anything in its path, even the love for his kids, it seemed. Nothing was more important. I didn't understand that feeling until it happened to me too; how it can become your entire life until nothing else matters. For that reason, I don't think I can ever truly hate him for what he did; for leaving us that way. I try to remember the good times we had, when I feel overwhelmed by the bad."
"You and your dad were pretty close before he left, huh?" Olivia asks quietly, smoothing a hand through Amanda's hair again and wanting to bring the other woman comfort in any way that she possibly can.
"We were very close when I was younger," Amanda replies as her eyelids flutter shut while Olivia continues her gentle ministrations. "Not as much as I got older because I had my own stuff going on; friends and dating and school, and his gambling was getting more and more out of control, causing him to leave the house at all hours of the day and night to get his fix. But when I was young, we were the best of friends. He was the greatest daddy in the world and I was his little Mandy."
Amanda's voice breaks slightly as she stops talking abruptly, a tear squeezing through her tightly closed eyelids and clinging to her lower lashes. Olivia wipes it away with the pad of her thumb and strokes the back of her knuckles over the smaller woman's cheekbone, wondering if she should put a halt to this painful conversation or let her colleague finally get everything out into the open so that it stops eating her up inside.
Amanda solves that dilemma for her when she opens her mouth to keep speaking, and Olivia's eyebrows raise slightly in surprise as she had been expecting the other woman to decide that she was done with this discussion for the night. "I know parents aren't supposed to pick favorites, but I was his. He never said as much, but I could tell. He and Kim were always fighting; she was constantly mouthing off to him and being a brat, but he and I got along really well. We had a lot in common; we would go fishing and play baseball and go for jogs."
There is a slight pause and Olivia gazes down at the younger woman, watching as Amanda frowns deeply while her eyes remain tightly shut. "We had too much in common, it turns out, since I developed the same addiction he had. A chip off the old block, huh? But he was my favorite parent. My mom and I never got along. I was always too athletic and wanted to play in the dirt with the boys instead of playing dolls with the girls. I was never girly or dainty enough for her, and she always loved Kim more because of that."
Olivia sees the hurt radiating from the other woman's expression and she seeks to soothe again, running her fingertips over Amanda's furrowed brow but choosing to remain silent so she will continue speaking. "My mom and Kim were cut from the same cloth. Neither of them have ever been very independent, like my dad and I were. They've always wanted other people to take care of them; they've never been able to fend for themselves. That's why Richard moved in right away, as soon as my dad left. My mom was over the moon with joy, going on and on about how she had finally found a man who treated her right and had a decent job; someone who didn't gamble all her money away."
Olivia can sense a shift in the mood of the room when Amanda begins talking about Richard, observing the pinched expression on her face and feeling the tension coiled firmly within her body. "My mom only saw the parts of Richard that she wanted to see; the handsome man and the hard worker. I think she was in denial about what was happening behind closed doors in our house, but she knew, Liv. She definitely knew. I could see it in the way she looked at me; the knowledge that something bad was going on but that she wasn't going to lift a finger to put a stop to it. Richard may have been treating her right, but he sure as hell wasn't doing right by her kids."
Amanda opens her eyes to stare up at her and they are a vast sea of emotion, Olivia's breath catching in her throat at the raw intensity of the other woman's appearance. "Richard was a smart and careful man. He didn't lose control very often, after the first time he hit us, and he knew how to hurt us where the bruises wouldn't show; knew just what to say to make us terrified for our lives. I took the brunt of it because he never forgave me for hitting him back after he had hit Kim, and because every time it looked like he was going to hurt my sister instead, I would do something to antagonize him; to turn his wrath my way so he didn't inflict it on her."
Amanda's eyes are locked intently onto Olivia's as she takes a deep, shuddering breath and continues unburdening herself, Olivia nodding at her in encouragement to keep going. "He threatened to kill us if we told our mother; if we showed her the bruises. It was bad enough when she was at home because he had these subtle ways to manipulate and control us, even if her presence; but when she wasn't there, it was absolute hell. He had free rein of the house and he did as he pleased. I was nearing the end of high school and was desperate to graduate and get the hell out of that town. I started being scared to leave the house, though, because it would mean leaving Kim there to fend for herself. And he had gotten very controlling about what we were and were not allowed to do. If we bent the rules even a little bit, there was hell to pay. One time he even chased us through the house with a knife, when we didn't do as we were told."
Olivia's heart seizes in her chest with this revelation and her thoughts are immediately catapulted back to Friday afternoon when their suspect had come bursting out of the backyard shed with the butcher knife raised high, knocking Amanda forcefully to ground while her gun had skittered away across the grass, the brutal man throwing himself on top of the small detective and lashing out wildly with the weapon before anyone could stop him. She realizes now that this was the ultimate trigger that has set everything into motion; that the drugs have only been playing a small part in the horrific memories that have risen back to the surface after all of these years, but that it had been the attack itself that had reminded Amanda of the past, the shocking violence of their suspect mirroring what had happened with her mother's boyfriend.
"Oh, Amanda, I am so sorry," Olivia murmurs with feeling, the tightness in her chest refusing to loosen even a little bit, and she finds it hard to draw in a breath. "I'm sorry we couldn't pull you away from our suspect in time; before he did so much damage, both physically and..."
She trails off before she can add 'emotionally' because Amanda is now gripping onto her hand with a surprising strength and staring at her with a fierce expression fixed on her face. "Olivia, don't do that," the younger woman says heatedly. "Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened. You and Fin and Carisi saved my life. If it hadn't been for the three of you, I wouldn't be here right now."
Amanda stops speaking abruptly, her voice choked with emotion, and Olivia has to look away for a moment as the other woman's gaze is so intense, she feels like she is being pulled apart at the seams and is in danger of shattering entirely to pieces when she is supposed to be the strong one, giving Amanda a safe place to fall apart while she holds the detective together.
"You guys are my family, Olivia," Amanda states in no uncertain terms, her voice much softer when she speaks again, and Olivia feels another squeeze of the younger woman's hand around her fingers. "My real family. And because of you, I'm alive today. So please don't blame yourself for what happened, okay?"
Olivia nods slowly, her throat feeling much too tight to respond verbally, and the thoughts are whirling around in her brain in a dizzying kaleidoscope of colors now; the violent scene she had witnessed in person on Friday and the imagined scenes from what Amanda has revealed about her youth, the other woman having been much more open about her personal life in the past few minutes than in the past few years combined.
She can't seem to rid herself of the heart-wrenching image of a small blonde teenager doing everything she can to save her sister from the torment of an evil man, and the physical ache residing inside Olivia's chest only grows stronger because she knows there is so much more that Amanda hasn't said.
Olivia comes to with a start, her eyelids flying open in alarm and glancing in bewilderment around the darkened bedroom, wondering what has stirred her from such a deep sleep. This time she instantly remembers where she is, despite the cobwebs of slumber that are clinging stubbornly to her brain, realizing right away that she is in Amanda's bed and is still wearing the shirt and jeans she had dressed in hours ago. The younger woman is no longer tucked against her side, Olivia's arms now empty when she had been cradling the detective in her secure embrace as they had both fallen asleep right in the middle of the conversation they had been having earlier.
Another glance around the room confirms that it is nowhere close to morning, the inky blackness of the night interrupted by a sliver of moonlight peeking in through the window, Olivia forgetting to close the blinds once again. The slight amount of brightness shining in through the glass is just enough to illuminate the silhouette of her colleague, Amanda perched on the side of the mattress with her back toward Olivia, poised right on the edge like she is about to somehow make a run for it in her injured and weakened state.
Olivia softly calls her name, not wanting to startle the other woman as she is unsure of exactly what is going on, although she suspects that Amanda is in the grips of another nightmare.
The blonde detective doesn't verbally reply to the sound of Olivia's voice, although she lets out a small whimper in response, and Olivia shifts very slowly across the sheets, remaining flat out on her back and careful to keep her movements unhurried, determined not to frighten Amanda. She continues moving until she is positioned directly behind her, Amanda's body hunched over on the bed and her head bowed forward, and Olivia raises herself up on one elbow, lifting her other arm into the air so that her fingers make the briefest of contact with Amanda's back before swiping gingerly down her spine.
The detective lets out another whimper and Olivia feels the small form stiffen and jerk at her touch, so she quickly withdraws her hand and raises herself up further on her elbow so that she is in a partial sitting position on the bed now. "Amanda, honey," she says in a gentle tone of voice. "I think you're having a bad dream. Do you know where you are right now?"
There is a long moment of silence and Olivia isn't sure if she is going to receive an answer when the other woman suddenly whispers, "With him."
"With who, honey?" Olivia asks softly, straining to hear Amanda's low voice as her colleague is still turned away from her, but has a feeling she already knows what is going to be said next.
"With Richard," Amanda replies quietly and Olivia's heart clenches in her chest as she struggles to pull herself into a full sitting position without shaking the mattress too much and alarming the younger woman even further in the process, prompting her to try and flee the room. "He's hurting me. It hurts so much. I'm in pain."
"Amanda, listen to me, okay?" Olivia answers soothingly as she settles herself right behind the detective, taking the chance and running her hand gently over Amanda's back again, relieved when she doesn't pull away this time. "Richard isn't here. Remember you told me that he passed away a long time ago? And you're in pain because you got hurt at work and you haven't taken any medication for a long time now; not because he's doing anything to you. You're safe with me in your own bed."
Olivia ghosts her fingertips over Amanda's shoulders and down her arms, keeping her touch very light as she does not want to scare or injure the other woman any more than she already is, softly urging Amanda to turn around and look at her. Even though she has not gone into more specific detail about the abuse beyond some of the physical and emotional aspects, Amanda has alluded to something else taking place, and Olivia is worried that her colleague is stuck there right now, reliving some of her worst moments with the brutal, violent man in her nightmare.
She says Amanda's name louder, trying to snap her out of her dream state and back into reality, slowly easing each of her legs beside Amanda's so that they are hanging down over the edge of the mattress, their thighs and calves pressed gently against one another and the detective's back resting on Olivia's chest. She slides her arms carefully over Amanda's sides and loops them tenderly around her ribs, softly anchoring the other woman to her body so she doesn't slip off the bed and hurt herself, murmuring soothingly into her ear and making sure to tell her exactly what she is doing before she does it, when Amanda begins to struggle in her embrace.
"It's just me, it's just Olivia," she whispers as she leans her head down to rest her chin on Amanda's shoulder and feels the sudden intense shivering of the small body in her arms. "Don't run away, honey, okay? You need to be very careful so you don't rip your stitches. Why don't you come and lie back down with me, alright? Do you want me to help you get tucked back in?"
She feels Amanda shake her head vigorously, long blonde hair swiping against Olivia's cheek, and she turns her face toward the other woman, trying to get a glimpse of her expression in the moonlight. "You don't want me to tuck you back in?" she asks quietly.
Amanda shakes her head again, letting out another soft whimper in response, and Olivia expels a slight breath of air, her heart aching in her chest. "Why not, honey?"
"I don't want to lie down with him," the small detective whispers, her fingernails digging sharply into the arms that are wrapped around her body, and Olivia winces and mutters a quick curse before she can stop herself, fighting the urge to pull away as Amanda's nails rake very hard across her pajama shirt and pierce into the skin beneath.
"Hey, it's okay," she replies softly, rocking the quivering form in her arms to try and calm Amanda down. "He's not in your bed, alright? It's just me here. You need to wake up now, honey. You're still stuck in your dream world there and I need you to come back now."
"It hurts," Amanda moans in a louder voice and Olivia closes her eyes while swallowing against the lump in her throat.
"I know it hurts. That's why you need to lie back down, okay? And maybe take some more pain medication. I think you've been moving around a little too much and it's aggravating your injuries." Olivia's arms tighten instinctively around the other woman as Amanda again struggles to pull away from her, fingernails scratching across her shirt sleeves in a panicked manner once more, and she loosens her embrace before letting go entirely, not wanting her to feel trapped.
She watches as Amanda gets up from the bed on wobbly legs and totters a few steps away before turning around so they are facing each other, the younger woman's hands braced against her stomach and a pained expression on her face, and Olivia wonders if the stab wound hidden beneath her shirt is bothering her from all of the unnecessary movement. She looks up at Amanda, observing her closely, but chooses to stay put on the edge of the mattress as she doesn't want her colleague to feel threatened in any way.
"Amanda, come back to bed, honey," Olivia urges softly, holding out an arm in a welcoming gesture but keeping the rest of her body entirely still when Amanda takes another step away from her, a wary expression on her face now.
"Help me, Liv," the younger woman suddenly whispers in confusion, her words pleading but her body poised to run, and Olivia leans forward on the bed while reaching out even further with her arm.
"I'm trying to help you, Amanda," she explains gently, relieved to hear her name being spoken and watching the detective's body language closely to try and ascertain whether or not Amanda has fully escaped from her nightmare and is firmly entrenched in reality once again. "Are you awake now? Are you with me?"
Amanda nods slowly and sucks in a harsh breath, her chin trembling as if she is trying not to burst into tears. "Take my hand, honey. It's okay," Olivia soothes patiently, keeping her arm extended toward the other woman. "Richard isn't in the bed. You were just having a bad dream. It's okay to come back."
Amanda takes a hesitant step toward the bed and Olivia smiles encouragingly, another wave of relief washing over her when the younger woman places a small, sweaty hand within her own. She tugs very gently until Amanda is standing between her knees and for a brief moment Olivia thinks the smaller woman's legs are going to give out and she is going to end up sprawled right across her lap. She holds out her hands to steady the trembling body in front of her, fingers coming to rest lightly on each of Amanda's hips and the detective taking in a big gulp of air before gazing down at her with large blue eyes that shimmer in the moonlight, unshed tears gathered on her long lashes.
"Sorry about that, Liv," she says softly. "I thought you were someone else...in another time and place. That nightmare was pretty bad."
"It's okay," Olivia assures quietly, taking her hands from Amanda's hips and rubbing them up and down the other woman's arms. "Do you want to get back into bed? It looks like the pain is getting pretty bad again."
"I don't want any more drugs," Amanda replies instantly, her voice sounding much more firm now, and it's obvious that she is fully awake and free from her dream world. "The nightmares are bad enough without them. The meds just make them even worse."
"Alright, honey," Olivia sighs as she gives Amanda's arms a gentle squeeze. "I'm not going to keep asking you, but please don't let things get too out of hand. I know you're suffering. To be honest, it really hurts me to see you go through this."
She watches Amanda's expression soften, the younger woman reaching up to swipe a strand of dark hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear, and Olivia grasps onto the detective's hand, giving another slight tug. "Come and lie down, Amanda. You look like you're going to fall over."
As if proving her point, Amanda falters on shuddering legs and seems to lose her footing while clumsily attempting to climb back onto the bed next to her, and Olivia springs quickly to her feet to help her colleague get tucked back in beneath the blankets, making sure she is comfortable before lying down beside her. They are quiet for a few minutes, Amanda's slightly labored breathing the only sound in the room, and Olivia slides her hand down an arm littered with goosebumps, lacing her fingers together with the clammy ones that are resting on the sheet next to her and swiping her thumb lightly back and forth against the back of the small hand that is tangled within her own.
"You doing okay there?" she murmurs in concern, turning her head on the pillow to look over at Amanda, the blonde detective starting up at the ceiling and not meeting her gaze. "That was a pretty bad dream, huh?"
Amanda nods in response and her face crumples slightly before she bites down hard on her lower lip, as if desperate to keep the tears at bay. Olivia rolls over onto her side and bends an arm, her elbow braced on the pillow and her head propped up in her hand, stroking blonde golden back from a puckered forehead and furrowed brow.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks quietly, watching the shrug of the other woman's shoulders.
"I don't know if I can," Amanda whispers in a hushed tone.
"Just take your time," Olivia says softly. "You said you thought I was Richard; that he was in the bed with you. Why did you think that, honey?"
"You know why," Amanda responds tightly, starting to sound a little irritated now. "I was having a nightmare about him."
"But why were you having that particular nightmare?" Olivia prods gently, watching the play of emotions over the younger woman's face and Amanda apparently deciding to take the angry route.
"Do I really need to spell it out for you, Olivia?" she snaps in return. "As the Lieutenant of the Special Victims Unit, you must already know why I was having that kind of dream."
"Okay, honey, I'm sorry," Olivia replies contritely, quickly blinking back the sudden tears that have welled up in her eyes because Amanda has pretty much just confirmed what she had already suspected, and her heart aches with the knowledge of what her colleague had gone through in her youth. "I shouldn't have pushed you. That was wrong of me. We don't have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable, alright?"
Amanda declines to answer and is suddenly sitting straight up in the bed, little gasps of pain emitting from her throat as she begins crawling toward the edge of the mattress and climbs right over Olivia like she is not even lying there beside her, the gasps turning into a drawn-out moan as the pain obviously becomes worse with the rapid movement.
"Hey, hey, what are you doing?" Olivia demands in alarm, bolting upright from her prone position and reaching out to grab Amanda under the arms as the small detective loses her balance and almost tumbles onto the floor.
"Calm down right now, Amanda," she orders sternly as the younger woman struggles mightily within her embrace in her attempts to escape, grunting with the effort of trying to flee the distressing situation. "I'm not going to force you to talk about anything that you don't want to talk about, but you need to stop moving around so much unless a trip back to the emergency room is the plan for the rest of the night. You need to start being much more careful with yourself. You're going to rip your stitches right open."
The mention of a return trip to the hospital finally seems to penetrate through the panic and anxiety that their conversation has induced, and Amanda sags against Olivia in exhaustion, her breathing sounding ragged and strained. Olivia rocks the smaller woman back and forth for a moment to help return her to a calmer state of being, murmuring apologies for speaking to her so sharply before letting go of the trembling body in front of her and shifting away on the bed to give Amanda some space.
The detective swivels her head around and fixes Olivia with a hurt and somewhat accusing look, whispering "What are you doing?" as she edges toward her on the mattress, a deep frown marring her delicate features.
"I'm not going to touch you or make you talk about anything else, alright?" Olivia says in a neutral tone, holding her hands in the air in a placating gesture. "I will leave you completely alone, if that's what you want, but please stop trying to run, okay? I just don't want you to hurt yourself."
"But..." Amanda trails off, hovering uncertainly on the bed, her injured and rumpled appearance lending her a fragile and vulnerable look, and Olivia is finding it hard to remain where she is, her back pressed up against the headboard as she watches Amanda with a wary, concerned gaze.
"But what?" she asks softly, her brow wrinkling slightly as she observes her colleague's demeanor, Amanda seemingly quite torn on what to do with herself, appearing to both crave and shun the comfort that Olivia so desperately wants to give her.
"Nothing," the smaller woman mutters, glancing away and shrugging her shoulders, her head bowing down as if in shame.
"Amanda." Olivia leans forward and places a gentle hand on the detective's knee, trying to get her to look up and meet her gaze. "I'm just backing off because you're so upset, honey; not because I'm angry with you or I don't want to hold you. I don't want to do anything to scare you and I don't want your injuries to become worse. It was understandable that you wanted me to share the bed with you while you were on the medication because it was making you do and say things that you normally wouldn't, but if you've changed your mind now and want me to spend the rest of the night on the couch, just say the word and I will. I don't want to invade your personal space if it's triggering you."
"Please stay," Amanda murmurs right away in an almost inaudible tone, still refusing to look Olivia in the eye. "Please don't leave me alone."
"Okay, then I won't," Olivia assures her quietly, giving Amanda's knee a slight squeeze. "We can just try to go back to sleep, if that's what you want. Or we can stay up and talk some more, like we were doing earlier. It's up to you."
Amanda doesn't answer this time, instead reaching up to cover her face with her hands as her small shoulders begin to shake forcefully, and Olivia slides slowly over on the mattress until their legs are pressed together, her heart breaking as she observes the other woman's anguish.
"Oh, honey," she sighs quietly, grasping onto Amanda's forearms, her thumbs stroking back and forth across her wrists and trying to get the younger woman to lower her hands away from her face. "Tell me what I can do to make things better for you. Tell me how I can help you. I hate seeing you go through this."
The only response she receives from Amanda is soft, tortured weeping.