Sheer terror seizes Ruby the moment Weiss's panicked voice reaches her ears, her heart dropping at the mere mention of the Apathy. Everything that happens between that and seeing Qrow is a blur; she has only a bare recollection of destroying the Apathy inside the cavern before racing out, desperate to make sure her uncle is okay. Relieved as she is to see Qrow unwell but very much alive, the fear doesn't disappear. It lingers, coiled in her gut like a deadly viper, throughout the entirety of their trip back to Atlas. Watching Qrow sit there curled in on himself, hollow gaze turned towards the floor as his nails press into his arms, certainly doesn't help, but what can she do? The whole situation has left him shaken and even more angry, and it feels like there is nothing anyone can say or do to help.
She hates it. Those small genuine smiles, the soft laughs, the feeling of contentment he seemed to have finally found are all gone now, just in the span of a couple of weeks.
Why? What went wrong?
Time drags on, an eternity passing by before their transport finally docks. She expects Qrow to rush out and find a place to hide like he always does, but this time he doesn't. He drags himself up to his feet, a subtle trembling in his arms, and takes slow, deliberate steps as he disembarks. Clover hovers near him, ready to help if necessary. Ruby could smack herself. Of course Qrow wouldn't be in a hurry when he physically can't, having his energy drained the way he did.
Qrow stumbles and Clover catches him, a gentle hand on his elbow.
"Hey," Clover says softly, his other hand ghosting along Qrow's back. "I think you should go get a check-up. Just to be safe?"
"No."
"Qrow, you were—"
"I said no."
Clover, to his credit, lets his expression slip for only a moment. He steps back, dropping his hands to his sides.
"Just...take it easy, alright?"
"I'm gonna go get cleaned up," Qrow mutters.
Ruby should say something, she knows, but finds herself unable to, her throat constricting. Unsure of what else to do, she takes a few hesitant steps towards Qrow. Her approach causes him to glance at her, and something in his gaze makes her freeze, a spark of unease rising to join the fear. His face softens before he turns away, and she watches in silence as he shuffles out of the room. A soft sigh jolts her out of stupor, her gaze shifting to Clover. There is a deep sadness in his eyes when he looks at her, a silent apology for not being able to do more.
Ironwood clears his throat, drawing all eyes to him.
"I think we've all had more than enough stress for today," he says, "so you have the rest of the day off."
Relieved murmurs follow, accompanied by a more excited shout from Nora.
Stretching her arms above her head, Yang yawns. "Don't know about you guys, but I'm heading to bed early."
When she lowers her arms, Blake reaches over to thread her fingers through Yang's, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
"Can't say I'm in the mood to do anything either," Weiss says.
Ruby feels the same. The thought of having fun, whether by hanging out or playing games with her friends, makes her nauseous. Even if it would help get her mind off the events of the day, she doesn't think she could bring herself to try. It would feel too much like pretending none of it happened, and she can't do that, not when Qrow is in such rough shape because of it. It wouldn't be right.
Picking at her sleeve, she trails after her teammates and chews her lip, wishing she could find her voice but being grateful she can't.
They talk for a while once they reach their room, meandering between random subjects, until each of them settles down to sleep. One by one they drift off, leaving Ruby lying there staring up at the ceiling, pinching her shirt between her fingers as she waits for the exhaustion to overpower her mind.
She falls asleep with her thoughts whirling.
Shrill sirens wail in the distance. The sound pierces the night sky, mixing with the howling wind and beastly cries echoing through the city to create a terrible cacophony of chaos. Raging fires illuminate the darkened haze around her, throwing the man kneeling before her in sharp relief. Pale hands press against his abdomen, rivers of crimson spilling from between his stained fingers, the red streams forming a pool on the ground below that catches the firelight.
Pained red eyes rise to meet hers.
Her chest twists at the sight, but the anger and distrust bubbling beneath her skin keeps her rooted in place. Cotton fills her ears, muffling the sound of his voice and preventing her from hearing his words, but she finds that she doesn't care. She doesn't want to hear what he's saying. She should care, she knows that. How could she not? Yet here she is, standing above him, watching in silence as he bleeds out when she should be trying to help.
A bloodied hand drops to the ground in an attempt to keep himself upright, his ragged breathing interrupted by harsh, strained coughs. Flecks of red splatter against the ground. Trembling, he raises his head, desperation and remorse shining in his eyes.
Still she does not move, hands balled into fists at her side.
His breath hitches, body swaying, arm trembling from the effort of bearing his weight.
Blood trickles out of his mouth.
His eyes grow dull.
Ruby jerks awake, choking on her own breath, fingers twisting into the sheets with such strength it causes her hands to throb. A sob threatens to escape, clawing its way up the inside of her throat, and she does her best to bite it back even as her vision grows watery.
"Ruby?"
Between the thundering heartbeat in her ears and the fog in her head, she can only just hear her name being spoken, unable to recognize who it is. A hand presses against the clammy skin of her arm and she jumps, her head snapping to the side. In the darkness permeating the room, all she can make out is a pair of brilliant golden eyes locked onto her. Blake. It's just Blake. Her friend. That knowledge does nothing to stop the panic coursing through her veins, and her constricted throat prevents her from speaking. All she can do is make a small, choked noise that has Blake's eyes widen in alarm.
There are other voices, worried whispers that she can't understand. Hands grip her by the arms and pull her up and out of bed before she can even think to fight against the movement, and guide her to the floor.
"Ruby. Hey, come on, breathe for me."
She closes her eyes and tries to focus on her sister's voice, on the hands grasping her shoulders, working to match her breathing to the rhythm set by Yang. Anything she can do to ground herself. It is a slow process, but she gradually evens out her breathing, the tight knot in her chest unraveling until she no longer feels as if she's choking.
"There we go. Doing good."
"Sorry," she whispers, only to flinch when Yang flicks her forehead.
"Nope. No apologizing." Yang ruffles her hair a bit and smiles. "How you feelin'?"
Though she can breathe, her eyes still burn, and the image of a growing pool of blood is etched into her mind.
She reaches up to wipe her eyes, sniffling. "Awful."
"Yeah. Figured that."
Pulling her hands away, Yang leans back, giving Ruby some space. Ruby swallows, wincing slightly at the pain in her throat, and looks to where Blake and Weiss are sitting nearby. Both watch her with concern in their widened eyes. It has been a long time since she's had a nightmare that bad, and because of it, she caused a scene.
"Sorry for waking you guys up."
"I do believe Yang said not to apologize," Weiss replies. Though she tries to sound calm, she is clearly still rattled, her voice wavering a bit.
"We all know what it's like," Blake adds, "so don't feel too bad about it, okay?"
That doesn't get rid of the guilt, but it does help to lessen the burden. Ruby nods and rubs her eyes again, still feeling the slight sting of unshed tears.
"Well, I don't think I'm getting back to sleep," Yang says, stretching. She glances at the clock. "We slept a good while and the alarm is gonna go off in a little bit anyway, so..."
"We did go to bed early," Blake points out.
Ruby fights the urge to apologize again. It's not like saying sorry will change anything. She thinks about suggesting games, but just like last night, the thought leaves her stomach unsettled. It just feels wrong, but she doesn't know what else to do to pass the time, because she doesn't want to be stuck with her thoughts. She needs a distraction, something to help forget the blood and fire, even if only for a short while.
"Are you feeling better?"
Ruby raises her head to Weiss, who stares at her with pinched brows.
"A little. I'm..." Ruby pauses and shakes her head. "Just haven't had a nightmare like that. It felt a little too real."
"Well, considering what happened yesterday? I'm not surprised." Weiss purses her lips. "Did you want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"Alright. But if you want to get it off your chest, we're all willing to listen."
To her relief, Weiss leaves it at that, which Ruby is grateful for. The last thing she wants right now is to voice the details of the dream, to describe the chaos and blood that still plague her thoughts. Hazy red eyes flash in her mind, a wave of worry washing over her, and she moves to grab her Scroll, earning curious glances from her teammates. The message she sends is short, and she stares down at the screen as she waits for an answer.
There is none. Her hold on the device tightens, a subtle shake in her hands.
The alarm blares. Ruby jumps, the Scroll flying out of her grasp, and she lunges to catch it just as Penny bursts into the room with a greeting of, "Good morning, Team RWBY!"
The smile plastered on Penny's face promptly disappears when she notices the look on Ruby's face.
"Ruby! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine! Just got startled." Ruby straightens and sets her Scroll down before she can drop it again, forcing herself to smile as she looks at her friend. "So, what's going on today?"
"Nothing!" Penny announces cheerfully, swinging her arms outwards. "Today is a day off!"
Oh. Part of her hoped to go out and fight, to get her mind off things. Staying here leaves her more likely to dwell on everything, which is the exact opposite of what she wanted.
"I was wondering if you wanted to join me down in Mantle," Penny says, clapping her hands together. "It's been a while since we've been able to spend time together."
Under different circumstances Ruby would love to, but between the rolling unease in her gut and the guilt gnawing at her chest, she has no desire to do so today. Having received no answer from Qrow, she wants to check on him and make sure he's doing alright, especially after yesterday. And since she knows Qrow probably won't want to, she plans on talking to Clover about what happened during the mission as well as the past several days to try and pin down when and why Qrow started to go downhill. If she's going to be stuck with her thoughts, then she might as well try to find a way to settle them, and that seems to be her best bet.
"I'm not feeling too good today," she says. It isn't a complete lie.
Penny's face falls, and Ruby winces. "I'm sorry. Do you need anything?"
"No, I don't really need anything. But, uh, you wouldn't happen to know where Qrow is, do you?"
"Sorry," Penny says. "I don't see him very often. In fact, I don't think I've run into him at all this past week outside of the meeting room and hangar. He is quite elusive!"
"Don't we know it," Yang grumbles, scowling.
Ruby can't even be mad at her for it. Qrow's gotten even better at disappearing lately, and he's made good use of it.
"Thanks anyway. What about Clover?"
"I haven't seen him today either. Hmm." Penny tilts her head to the side with a thoughtful hum, pressing a finger to her chin. "You could ask his teammates. They were in the training room the last time I saw them."
"Thanks. Sorry for not going with you."
"It's quite alright! We can always spend time together later. Good luck finding Clover! I hope you feel better soon!"
She waves, a small smile on her face, and hops out of the room. Once she is gone, Weiss turns to Ruby with a raised eyebrow.
"Why did you want to know where Clover is?"
"I just want to talk to him about some stuff," Ruby answers, rubbing the back of her head. "What are you guys gonna do?"
"Uh-huh," Weiss mumbles, eyeing Ruby with suspicion before glancing away. "Well, I'm going to spend some time with Winter."
"I think I'll just read," Blake says.
Ruby turns to Yang. "What about you?"
Her sister shrugs. "Figured I tag along to talk to Clover. Got some stuff I wanna ask him anyway."
Is that a good idea? Even though Ruby has had her share of misgivings about Clover, she wants to be able to trust him, but the same can't be said for Yang. Out of everyone, she is the one most likely to jump him if he were to say the wrong thing, and that would make things worse. Still, Yang would seek out Clover to talk to him at some point, alone or not. At least if they go together Ruby can (hopefully) keep Yang from throttling the man.
Despite her uncertainty, she nods in agreement.
Things are far quieter than expected with them having a day off. Eerily so. Ruby tugs at the end of her sleeve, glancing around, trying to ignore the brewing unease in her gut. Nothing helps. If anything, it becomes worse. There is an overwhelming sense of familiarity with these halls, as if she's walked them a thousand times and then some. Déjà vu doesn't begin to describe it. How can she feel she knows this place better than her own home when she has spent such little time here in comparison? It makes no sense.
A gentle nudge makes her turn to Yang, who stares at Ruby with questioning eyes.
"I'm okay," Ruby says.
"Bullshit."
"Really. Just...still feel a bit off."
Judging by the way Yang's eyes narrow, her sister doesn't believe her. Even so, Yang lets out an exasperated sigh and turns away, willing to drop the subject. For now, at least.
Just as Penny said, the Ace Ops are in the training room, minus their leader. The group is doing basic drills when Ruby and Yang enter, with Elm being the one to direct them. Of course Marrow is the first to notice the new arrivals, his head snapping towards the door as they walk inside. His shift in attention causes the others to look their way, and Elm calls for a break as Marrow hops up to his feet and jogs over to two sisters.
"Hey guys!" he greets with a grin.
"You're spending your day off training?" Yang asks.
"Just for a bit. Gotta stay sharp, you know," Marrow says, laughing. He scratches the back of his head. "It's been a while since we've gotten a full day off. Feels weird. The General said it's because there aren't any missions that need our 'immediate' attention, but I think it's just an excuse to let everyone relax after the whole Apathy thing."
Ruby barely stops herself from flinching, pressing her lips together.
When Marrow continues, his voice is soft, his smile wavering. "Probably for the best. Qrow really seemed out of it when we got back. How's he doing?"
"We're gonna drop by his room in a bit to check on him," Yang says. "Just want to know where Clover is first."
Marrow falters at that. "Uh, well... None of us have actually seen him today. The General is the one who told us about the day off. I got worried and sent Clover a message, and it showed up as read, but he never replied."
At least Clover read the message. A cursory glance at her Scroll tells Ruby that Qrow hasn't even looked at the one she sent him. It wouldn't be the first time Qrow has ignored any calls or messages, but considering what led to him doing that last time, the knowledge provides no comfort. This is different, she knows, because he promised her he wouldn't drink, and he's done everything he can to keep his promise. That doesn't stop the little voice in the back of her mind whispering doubts to her.
Yang leans over to look at the screen, then looks at Ruby with a frown.
"He's probably just tired," Marrow says, shifting his feet. "I didn't want to bother him, so I didn't check, but I bet he's in his room. Did you need him for something, or...?"
"Need to talk to him about some stuff," Yang answers.
"I don't know. Maybe it would be better to let him rest?"
"If he's not up to it, we'll leave him alone."
What if all this pushes Qrow over the edge again? What if he does break his promise and start drinking? The Scroll digs into her hand as Ruby squeezes it. She knows he would hate himself if he did, remembering how somber he was when he told her he was going to quit. Not to mention the self-loathing in his voice when he admitted to wanting to drink during his rooftop confession. All the more reason to find out the cause of all this, so that they can work on solving it. Then he wouldn't feel the need to, and he can continue to make good on his promise.
"Hey."
Blinking, Ruby raises her gaze to Yang, who tilts her head towards the door.
"Let's go."
"Okay."
They both mumble their thanks as they leave, Ruby ducking her head to avoid the conflicted look on Marrow's face.
She shouldn't feel guilty over this, so why does she?
As they make their way to Qrow's room, she keeps her Scroll in her hand, glancing down at it periodically. Each time she checks, it reveals that she has yet to receive an answer. There are a few reasons she can think of for why he hasn't responded. One would be that he hasn't seen it because he's asleep, which she hopes is the case because he does need more rest. Another is that he's going out of his way to ignore it. If he is moping and ignoring her, then fine. With how stressed he's been, she almost expects it. She just wants to know he's okay.
Well, as "okay" as he can be, given the circumstances.
Halfway to their destination, her Scroll pings. When her eyes land on the message, she comes to an abrupt stop, scowling down at the screen.
trying to sleep
At least he wasn't intentionally ignoring her. Yang snorts when she glances at it. A second message comes through emphasizing the word trying, and Ruby lets out a soft breath as she stuffs her Scroll back into her pocket. Not wanting to doubt him, she decides to take him at his word and stamps down her traitorous thoughts.
"Well, that's one thing down," Yang says, folding her arms behind her head. "That just leaves Clover."
The déjà vu returns twofold, her stomach churning from the intensity, so Ruby just nods. Yang sighs and steps in front of her sister.
"You gonna tell me what's wrong or not?"
Ruby rubs her arm, trying to ignore the unnatural chill running down her spine. She should just be honest, but would Yang understand? Does Ruby herself understand what this is?
"It's just... I have this weird feeling that—that we've done all this before."
"What, dealing with Qrow being Qrow?"
"Yeah, but... it's not just that. It's all of this. Being here in Atlas, training with the Ace Ops, trying to get Amity up and running." She pauses and looks away, fidgeting with her shirt. "Like this isn't the first time we've been through this."
Yang regards her for a long, quiet moment, and Ruby shuffles her feet, wondering if she should have kept it to herself. Eventually, though, Yang closes her eyes, takes in a breath, and nods.
"I get what you mean," she mutters. "Nothing really feels right, does it?"
Maybe Ruby isn't losing her mind after all. "You too?"
"Yep. Right around when Qrow started acting weird. Figured I was just feeling off, but..." Yang waves her hand dismissively. "Guess we both could be going crazy."
"Yang."
"Just saying. But we should probably talk about this later. Don't know about you, but standing in the middle of a random hallway doesn't seem like the place to do this." With a terse smile, Yang slaps her hand onto Ruby's shoulder. "Let's go grill Clover instead."
Knowing that her sister is right, Ruby huffs. "Fine."
Part of her is relieved to know that she's not alone in this, but if Yang is experiencing this, does that mean the others might be too?
Is Qrow?
With the way he's been distancing himself from everyone, she wonders if he is and if it could be the cause of his downward spiral. It doesn't seem too far-fetched of an idea with how strange things have been.
Back in Mistral, when the truth came to light, he lashed out and tried to find comfort in the bottle. He wouldn't do the latter now, she knows, but he has been lashing out. Different from before, but in a way that is familiar, pushing away any helping hands to either ignore his issues or try to deal with them on his own. Trying not to be a burden to others and suffering because of it.
One nightmare left Ruby on edge, and Qrow has barely slept these past several days. How much worse could his be to cause such a sudden and extreme reaction?
If only he would talk to her. To anyone, really, instead of bottling it up the way he is. All it does is make things worse. Why can't he see that?
Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of knocking. She was so lost in her own head she didn't notice them arrive at Clover's room. Taking in a deep breath, Ruby shakes her head and runs a hand through her hair to try to tame the mess. It isn't that she's worried about her appearance, since Clover isn't one to judge. Rather, it gives her something else to focus on for a moment as she tries to collect herself. There is a lot she wants to talk about with Clover, and having her thoughts in disarray isn't going to help her any.
Just as she thinks that Clover isn't going to answer, the door opens.
"Oh," Clover says, exhaustion clear in his voice. "Ruby. Yang. How can I help you?"
The way he sags against the door frame, relying on it to hold his weight, makes Ruby frown. There are the beginnings of bags under his eyes, a slight discoloration that draws her attention. Something twists deep in her chest.
"Did we wake you up?"
"No, you didn't. I was already awake." He reaches up to rub his neck with a slight wince. "What did you need?"
Maybe she shouldn't when he's feeling this bad, but if there's a chance he knows anything, she wants to hear it. She can't afford to ignore all this.
"We were wondering if we could talk to you about Qrow," Ruby says.
His eyes widen a bit before he slumps further, shoulders drooping. "Yeah. Sure."
Pressing his hand against the wall to keep his balance, he steps aside, motioning for the two to enter. Sparing a brief glance at each other, Ruby and Yang walk in. While his room isn't exactly messy, it isn't as well kept as Ruby expected it to be. The sight leaves her uneasy, though she doesn't know why. Hearing movement behind her, she turns and watches, concerned, as Clover shambles back inside. He moves sluggishly and all but drops into the chair, leaning against the armrest heavily.
It reminds her a little too much of Qrow.
He once again motions, this time to his bed. Ruby isn't going to complain, and thankfully all Yang does is roll her eyes before sitting.
"You first, sis," Yang whispers.
Right. Best to start from the beginning, set up a framework so Clover can get the whole picture. It almost feels like a betrayal to even consider telling anyone about Qrow's personal issues, but it's necessary. She knows it is.
Here goes nothing.
"Qrow... he's always had problems," Ruby starts tentatively, "but I didn't know about them. Looking back, he wasn't exactly the best at hiding it, but he did a good enough job that I never really noticed. And it's not like he ever gave me a reason to ask. Not until after Beacon. When I found out he was hiding stuff from me, I got upset, and that finally got him to open up. He even told me about his Semblance. Never knew about it growing up."
Clover stirs upon hearing that, surprise flitting across his face. "He kept that from you?"
"You've seen how Qrow is," Yang says, exasperated. "He'll tell all kinds of stories, but he clams up when it comes to his problems."
At that Clover nods, solemn. Everyone has gotten a taste of that recently.
"You remember what I was telling you about yesterday?" Yang asks. "About the last run-in we had with the Apathy?"
"I do."
Uncertain, Ruby glances at Yang. She trusts her sister not to say anything specific, but she can't help being on edge. The look she gets in response, both reassuring and demanding in equal measure, is enough for her to relent.
"See, after what happened at Haven, we hopped onto a train to go to Argus. But Grimm showed up, because they always do, and to make sure no one got killed, we split up. Sent the passengers with Jaune's team, unhooked the rest of the train, and got to work killing the Grimm." Yang pauses for a moment to snort before saying, "And then we crashed."
Clover blinks at her indifference. She shrugs and continues.
"We start walking, and that's where the snowstorm comes in. Find this old, creepy abandoned farm and think, hey, this is better than nothing. So we hole up inside the house. Not like we could stay out in the storm." She lets out a lengthy, dramatic sigh. "Thing is, we found out that Ozpin wasn't being honest with us. I mean, we jumped the gun reacting the way we did, but we were all worn out, and after everything we'd been through, it made us snap."
"Dishonest in what way?" Clover asks, a hint of suspicion in his voice.
"Personal stuff," Yang says. "The kind of stuff you don't really like to talk about. I kind of get why he didn't want to tell us. Us not taking it well kinda proved his point. It's just the fact that he kept something from us at all, you know? We'd had enough of secrets and lies at that point, so it hit harder than it should've. Of course, us being down in the dumps from that basically made us the perfect meal for those things. And then Qrow..."
"He mentioned a popped tire."
Ruby fidgets, digging the tip of her shoe into the carpet. "We hooked a trailer up to Yang's bike so we could all ride to Argus. But when Qrow put his foot against it...the tired popped."
"Qrow being Qrow, he gets pissed off and storms back inside the house to drink," Yang mutters. "Place had a fully stocked bar inside of it, believe it or not. So he's drunk off his ass inside the house while we were running around in the tunnels trying not to get killed."
A shudder runs through Ruby, remembering the way Qrow lay slumped over the counter. How he snapped at Ruby when she tried to wake him and fought against her and Weiss as they dragged him out, only stopping once he realized the danger they were in. It all seems like a lifetime ago, despite how recent it was. With how he's gotten worse as of late, she's reminded all too much of it.
"He wasn't lying about us having to drag him out," Ruby admits. "Thing is, I don't really blame him. Not anymore. I mean, the only reason we made it out was because of Maria. If she wasn't there, I don't think any of us would've survived. His drinking was a problem though, and even after the farm, he decided to go get drunk again after we got to Argus because Cordovin wouldn't listen to us."
At the mention of Cordovin, Clover leans his head back and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Of course it would be Cordovin," he grumbles.
Strange to hear Clover of all people talking like this. It really does remind her of Qrow. Just how much has her uncle rubbed off on the Ace Ops Leader? His annoyance does earn a soft laugh from Yang, and even Ruby finds herself smiling at it. It's nice, short-lived as the moment is.
"Once all that was over with and we got to Atlas, he promised to stop drinking for good. Emptied out his flask and handed it off to let me know he was serious about it."
That flask had been important to him, she knows, for one reason or another. The fact he had been willing to let go of it and give it to Yang, thereby letting her decide what to do with it, left Ruby feeling more hopeful and relieved than she had in a long time. He might have doubted himself, but her? She believed in him, and it hadn't taken long for him to prove her right. He could do it. Knowing she would no longer have to worry about him sinking into a bottle was a much-needed weight off her shoulders.
Only to be replaced by a worse one.
"I just... it seemed like he was doing better," she says, trying to stamp down the trembling in her voice as she twiddles her thumbs. "And he was! Even though it had only been a few weeks since he stopped drinking, he looked so much better. But now, he—he might not be drinking, but..."
"I understand," Clover says softly.
"Something had to have happened. I just don't know what. So I was wondering if maybe you knew anything? You've spent a lot more time with him than we have lately."
"Since we don't know, we thought you might," Yang finishes.
Brows drawn inwards, Clover lowers his gaze, biting his lip. He threads his fingers together and leans forward, hands pressing against his forehead with a drawn-out exhale, eyes closed and shoulders hunched, muscles tense.
"I'm sorry."
Is this frustration at not knowing? Or guilt that he does?
Would it be better to just apologize for wasting his time and leave? Is she willing to drop all this and go about her day like it never happened? She isn't sure about Clover, but she knows Yang wouldn't, and both of them want answers.
As Ruby is contemplating what to do, Yang scowls and mutters, "Just tell us already."
No, then. They aren't abandoning this.
Clover shakes his head. "He asked me not to."
Red flares to life in Yang's eyes, her fingers digging into her thigh. A warning for Clover to tread carefully.
"I want you both to understand that while I haven't known Qrow for long, I do consider him a friend." His voice becomes quiet when he says, "Even if he doesn't quite feel the same."
Ruby fights the urge to frown. That doesn't seem true to her, even with recent developments. Sure, Qrow has been frustrated, but she saw how relaxed he was hanging out with Clover before. Having someone like Clover around, a person unaffected by his misfortune, helped him. She's sure of it. Why else would Qrow have been so happy when around Clover? Once they get to the bottom of all this, she knows Qrow will enjoy spending time with Clover again.
"This is something I've spent a lot of time thinking about," Clover admits, as if it's an awful secret. "Trying to figure out the best way to approach this so as not to further upset Qrow. Every time I've tried to discuss it with him, he's lashed out at me, so I hope you understand why I might be reluctant."
Yang is on her feet within seconds, hands curled into fists and ready to snap, but Clover holds up his hand, a silent plea in his eyes for her to let him speak. She sits back down and folds her arms.
"But I realize that avoiding the subject hasn't helped either. Qrow has only gotten worse, and I know something needs to be done. I just...don't know what we can do."
"Are you gonna tell us or just keep beating around the bush?" Yang asks with a growl.
Taking in a deep breath, Clover sits straighter, dropping his hands to his lap. "There was an incident in the mess hall a few days before the mission with the giant Centinels. Qrow had a panic attack."
Ruby's heart drops.
"He made it clear that he didn't want anyone to know about it, and I accepted that. I've done my best to respect his privacy, but, well..." Clover shakes his head, looking utterly defeated. "When it happened, I tried to help, but the moment he looked at me, it worsened. And since then, he has done his best to avoid looking anyone in the eyes."
"Yeah, I noticed that," Yang mutters. "He had that freak out when he looked at Ironwood too, remember?"
There have been so many little oddities with Qrow's behaviors that seem to be pointing to something much more serious than Ruby first thought. Dodging meals and not sleeping are the obvious ones, but she should've taken the eye avoidance into consideration. The only reason she could think of is to make sure another hangar incident wouldn't happen. Why else would he? But why did it happen in the first place? What could have been the trigger?
There is something else, too, now that she thinks about it. Just a few days ago, during that sparring match with Clover, he panicked and ran out of the room. That had been the first time in a while she had seen him use his sword, and if she had to guess, it hadn't been intentional. He wouldn't have reacted the way he did if it was.
"Hey," she says, and Clover looks over at her. "Before that sparring match, did he use his sword much?"
Mouth twisting into a frown, Clover presses a hand to his chin, gaze shifting to stare intently at the floor as he thinks over the question. After a long moment, he answers, realization sparking in his eyes. "No, he didn't, and not afterwards either."
Skeptical, Yang eyes them both, clearly wondering what they could be hinting at. "Maybe he just hasn't wanted to."
"Considering his reaction when he pointed his sword at me, I highly doubt that."
"You think there's another reason he's avoiding it?"
"I do. That was the only time I've seen him use it since the panic attack."
Which means he's been going out of his way to avoid using it. While he could be making use of it when no one else is around, there would be no reason for him to hide it. What point is there in him treating it like a secret when all of them have seen Harbinger's sword form more times than she can count? Just one more thing to be confused about.
"How was he before that?" Ruby asks.
"He seemed fine," Clover says. "Well rested and happy, and we had our usual banter just fine. I suppose something could've happened overnight, but as far as I know, he was here in Atlas, so I'm not sure what could lead to him acting like this..."
"Ugh, none of this makes sense," Yang groans, thumping her head against the wall. "Why can't he just tell us what's wrong?"
"Maybe he's scared to," Ruby whispers.
It slips out, an unintentional response. Yet she can't deny that something about it feels right.
Yang snaps her head to her sister with a scowl. "That'd be stupid."
"Yeah, but can you think of any other reason he wouldn't?"
But why would he be scared? Ruby thinks about the dream and the lingering feeling of uncertainty that followed. About how Yang said she felt the same. About how Clover, too, has been high strung and struggling with sleep, a marked change in his demeanor since this all began.
"This is a weird question, but have you had any weird dreams lately?"
Clover stills, staring at Ruby, something akin to fear surfacing in his eyes. He is quick to look down at his hands, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles.
"I have."
"Were...were they about Qrow?"
It takes time for him to respond, and when he does, it is a simple, short nod.
Ruby swallows past the lump in her throat. "Okay."
"I take it you have?"
It's her turn to nod. At the thought of it, she curls in on herself, trying to force her stomach to stop churning. "I don't really remember much, but I... I know it was about Qrow. And it felt real. Like it happened and I just forgot about it somehow."
"Same for me," Clover mumbles, his gaze growing somewhat distant. "All I can remember is standing in the snow, seeing Qrow, and..." He trails off, gripping his hands together tightly enough to turn his knuckles white.
This time, she finds no comfort in knowing someone else is going through what she is. Not when Clover is so obviously disturbed by it.
Yang tilts her head towards Ruby. "What, you think those dreams have something to do with the way Qrow's acting?"
"I don't know. There's been a lot of weird things going on lately."
It feels like an understatement, knowing what she knows now. This is all more than she's ever dealt with, and she has no clue what could be causing it. If it had just been her, she could brush it off and move on, but she can't. Somehow, someway, Qrow is the center of all this, and that makes it all worse.
"You know that Centinel mission?" Yang says suddenly, causing both Ruby and Clover to turn to her. "Qrow had the whole place memorized, top to bottom. Said it was because of the map, but got a little cagey when Blake pointed out that it was a shitty map. She was right, too. No way he could have known which way to take to find everyone just from that."
"He even knew when to warn you and Blake about the oncoming Centinel," Clover mumbles, brows furrowing further.
"Right? It's like he knew it was gonna happen."
If she hadn't felt ill before, hearing that would make certain she did. The fear, the doubt, the distrust—it all comes roaring back, a sudden storm raging through her, and she sits there, frozen, staring at the floor as if it will give way underneath her. Qrow is lying to them. She is so certain of it now. Lying to them about more than just how he feels. Lying about something so serious that it's been eating away at him and making him spiral. And now it's affecting them, too.
There is only one thing they can do at this point.
They're going to have to talk to Qrow.