A/N: Thanks for sticking with this story and particularly to those of you that took the time to leave reviews. I really appreciate them. I'm finding that wrapping events from the show around Sarah's challenges is quite rewarding.
This is a shorter chapter and action free, but starting with meeting "the sister". Dun dun Duh! Actually, because Ellie is very observant, it won't be as dramatic as it would've been if Sarah had been as she was on the show. You'll see what I mean…
Healing
Chapter 5: Initial Meetings
Sarah held Chuck's hand in her gloved one as they walked across the courtyard to get to the one he'd shared with Ellie and Devon until now.
She was nervous. That was unlike the confident agent that she'd been in the past, prior to being captured. Since then, she'd managed to avoid human contact except with a weapon. This was so different.
She needed to convince these two that her being with Chuck was right, that she was in a relationship with him. Well, she was, but not the sort of relationship they would expect. It was a protector/protectee relationship. They needed to see them as boyfriend/girlfriend.
Their apartment door was open. Chuck had left it that way to help with the removals.
They walked in and saw the other couple in discussion in the living room.
"I know you said he was moving, but leaving the door wide open isn't safe," Devon's deep voice stated. Sarah liked him already.
"He's probably shuttling between the two apartments so that makes it easier for him," Ellie replied. Sarah noticed she had her hands on her hip as she stared back at her boyfriend.
Without thinking, Sarah said, "You're both right." Two pairs of eyes were suddenly focused on her. "Hi, I'm Sarah," she added.
Ellie was obviously going to rush to her, to hug her, so Sarah held up her hand with her palm facing the woman. "Sorry, I have a form of haphephobia."
Ellie halted and took in the gloves. "So, you…." She halted, clearly unsure what to say.
Sarah held Chuck's hand with her other one. "Chuck is so understanding and kind." Both she knew were true. "I think that's one of the reasons I fell for him so quickly." She looked into his eyes and could see emotions that matched her words. That made her feel uncomfortable, but she held his gaze and added, "I've not felt this way before."
"As she needed to find a place to live, I suggested here. Then, she asked me to move in with her. I just look into her eyes and never want to be away from them," Chuck said. Sarah could tell that he was thinking some of this. They needed to talk about it… later.
"Have you always had that," Ellie asked, her voice and expression full of concern.
Sarah should've said yes, but let the truth out instead. "No, I had a bad experience a few years ago." She couldn't keep her head up after saying that.
"Must've been something traumatic," Devon said.
"Well, you couldn't have found a more caring boyfriend," Ellie said. "I just think it's a shame you can't even kiss."
Just the word, kiss, made her shudder.
"Thanks to her gloves, we can at least hold hands," Chuck said. He squeezed the one he was holding and she squeezed back.
"So, moving in together, then," Devon said, changing the subject deliberately.
"We are," Chuck replied.
"It's your protective instinct, isn't it, little brother?"
Sarah looked at Chuck. He was now blushing. He said nothing, which could be because it was her protecting him, but she wondered. For this discussion, it was perfect. "He's perfect," she said.
"Need a hand moving anything?" Devon asked.
"Yes, please," Chuck said. He let go of Sarah's hand and led Devon down to his bedroom.
"Would you like some wine?" Ellie asked. "We always like a glass when we return home."
Sarah said yes and followed the brunette into the kitchen. She took a bottle of white wine from the fridge and poured two glasses before ushering Sarah back into the living room. They sat on the couch with a gap between them. Sarah slipped off one of her shoes and curled the leg up under her so that she could face his sister.
"I wish I could do something to help you, Sarah," Ellie asked.
Sarah was not expecting this, but guessed that kindness was a family trait. "No one can," she said. "I've had a lot of psychiatric treatment back in DC and they've given up on me. I decided to come over here and see if California life suits me better."
"Well, I don't know about that, but I doubt you could've found a more understanding or caring person than my little brother as a boyfriend," Ellie said.
Sarah doubted it, too. "He's just what I need," she said. As she said those words, she knew they weren't far from the truth.
It was early evening four days later. Sarah was sitting opposite the man she was going to have to regularly visit if this assignment was going to continue. Dr, Dreyfus was old, unlike some of the psychiatrists she'd seen before.
After the initial greetings, he'd said nothing. He just sat with his fingers steepled and looked at her. He obviously wanted her to speak first, but she just sat with her lips sealed and stared back. If this continued, she'd be quite content. Silence was her friend.
After five minutes, he decided to push. "Tell me about your condition."
She stated for a few moments, and then recited textbook condition facts.
He wrote something in his notebook. "And for you?"
"Same," she replied.
He put his pen down. "You won't get anything out of these sessions unless you make an effort."
"I want nothing from these sessions other than to leave," she honestly replied.
He raised an eyebrow and scribbled something down. "Why?" he said.
"After two years of intensive psychiatric 'therapy' in DC it was concluded that it was fruitless."
"And now?"
"Same," she repeated her earlier word.
He looked at her and stated, "If I don't think you are stable, I can have you removed."
That pissed her off, but she outwardly remained calm and coolly stated, "I've been the same for the last three years, since those sessions ended. Stable is my middle name."
"Really?" he asked.
"Yes."
The silence hung over them for a couple of minutes and Sarah sat back, making him lead the discussion.
"Tell me about your asset," he finally said.
She was confused for a moment. However, her perfect spy face was in place, so he probably just thought she was unwilling to talk. Then, she remembered Chuck was her asset, even though she didn't think of him that way. So, what do I see him as?
She knew Dreyfus had been read in on the Intersect program, so was already fully aware. He just wanted to hear her words on it.
"A rogue agent sent the Intersect to Chuck Bartowski, who inadvertently downloaded it into his head. He saved a visiting general, gaining presidential recognition and is now a valuable resource in the fight against terrorists and insurgents."
"A rogue agent?"
"Yes." She wasn't going to volunteer anything.
"And your relationship to this rogue agent?"
"Non-existent."
He sighed, because he would already know that she had been Bryce's partner and what had happened to her. "And six years ago?" Dreyfus pushed.
"Not relevant to my current assignment," she replied.
"You're not helping yourself here," he said.
"Exactly why I shouldn't have to suffer you," she coldly replied.
He jotted something down in his notebook. Then, he looked up at her. "Your past is why you are here, Sarah."
"But not what you are supposed to be helping me with," she calmly replied.
"And that is?"
"How to cope with working closely with Chuck Bartowski and John Casey. And being around others."
He noted that.
"Tell me about the gloves."
She patiently, she thought, explained her decision to buy and wear them.
"So, you can now hold hands with your asset." It was a statement, not a question, so she said nothing in reply. He clearly waited for one, but as that wasn't happening, he asked, "Is that sufficient?"
"For what?" she asked, and found she enjoyed being the questioner.
He frowned. "For the cover."
She thought about that. It had been good to connect with Chuck, her first contact other than medical for six years, but that wasn't what Dreyfus was asking. "I have a form of haphephobia, so any other contact is not viable."
He raised a brow. "Has that been diagnosed?"
He would know that it hadn't and was trying to provoke her. He wasn't going to succeed. "No, but it fits my cover story, so that's all that matters."
He jotted down and then looked at her. 'So, what problems does that leave you with?"
"Other potential contact," she admitted.
"Such as?"
She sighed. "People will think it's odd that Chuck doesn't kiss me."
"Has he tried?"
She shuddered at the thought, but said, "He knows my reaction would be detrimental to his health."
Another note. He then held her gaze. "What if you initiated it in the privacy of your shared apartment?"
She looked at him, thinking he was joking, but he just stared back at her. "You're being serious?"
"You'd be in control of the situation." He really was serious.
"I can't do that," she said, in a quiet voice.
"Think about it. We'll discuss it next time," he said. She was being dismissed, so stood. "A week from now," he added.
As she drove away, she was thinking about it. She thought that for any other woman, kissing Chuck Bartowski would be a pleasure. His lips looked right for kissing and she was sure he would make the woman feel good. It just wasn't something she could face.
Sarah had been back at the apartment for an hour since her session with Dr. Dreyfus.
The shower she'd taken on her arrival hadn't washed away the discomfort she'd felt all the way back. Her neck was still hurting from being so tense. The glass of wine she was sipping hadn't helped yet, either.
She heard the apartment door open, so knew Chuck had arrived. That tensed her up again, thinking of the doctor's suggestion.
"Honey, I'm home," Chuck called out in a sing-song voice.
His humor eased her tension and made her chuckle. She replied, "Welcome home, Darling."
His laughter as he walked into the living room pleased her. In spite of the difficult situation, the banter between the two of them was enjoyable. Hell, before being with him, she'd never chuckled, or joked.
He sat opposite her and said, "How'd it go?" The look of concern that appeared on his face was typical Chuck.
"As bad as I expected," she grumbled.
"So, no new ideas?"
She didn't want to talk about that. She reached for her wine and got a tweak from her neck and winced slightly. Of course, Chuck noticed, but he stood up and walked out of the room. That puzzled her.
He walked back in, carrying a towel. She looked at him in confusion. "Sit back," he said. "With this I won't touch your skin, but I can massage your neck."
She should tell him not to, but she complied with his direction.
He gently placed the towel around her neck and shoulders and started the massage. Pretty soon, she could feel her muscles relax, the tension being relieved.
"It'd be better without the towel and with some oil, but that's not for you," he said.
"This is perfect," she murmured. His thumbs then pressed just right and she couldn't hold in a moan. He stopped instantly. "Please continue," she asked. Thankfully, he did.
Eventually, he stopped and lifted the towel off of her, being careful to not touch her at all. He really was the perfect cover boyfriend.
She wanted to thank him and immediately thought of Dreyfus. It would be a good way to thank him. She decided it was now or never. "Thank you, Chuck. Can you come and sit beside me? I'm going to do something he told me to try." She added "Don't freak out."
He sat down looking confused and a little worried.
She took hold of his face and held his gaze for a moment. Through her gloves she felt his jaw tense, but he said nothing.
She willed herself to go through with it, but had to close her eyes, trying not to pull away.
His lips were soft. Unfortunately, they opened as the surprise hit him. She pulled her lips away immediately. An open-mouth kiss was far too much. She let go and moved away from him, but made herself remain seated.
A range of emotions showed on his face. Surprise, obviously, but then a moment of happiness, before something like horror set in. "I'm so sorry, Sarah," he gasped out.
She grasped his hand, having gotten herself under control again. "You haven't nothing to be sorry about, Chuck. I didn't warn you what to expect. I had to act quickly or I'd not go through with it." She flushed. "However, I couldn't cope with you opening your mouth."
"Dreyfus told you to kiss me?" Chuck asked. The surprise was back on his face.
"He did when I mentioned worrying about what people will think when we don't," she admitted.
He gripped her hand and replied, "People who know me wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't do that in public." He blushed as he said that.
That interested her. "When have you tried? I thought you hadn't had a girlfriend since college."
His blush deepened. "One of my happier customers tried to thank me that way."
She felt a smile firming. "Was she beautiful?"
"So many women in Burbank are," he replied. He then realized what he was saying and went into a spiral. "Not that I look… and they're nowhere near as beautiful as you… I- I'm not objectifying you, though… or them."
She grinned and squeezed his hand harder. "Stop, Chuck. It's fine." He smiled thankfully at her. "So, you're PDA-adverse, huh?"
He nodded. "So, you'll never have to worry about kissing me in public."
That was a relief. She relaxed.
"I have to say, though," he started. "For someone who doesn't like kissing, your lips felt perfect on mine."
She thought about how the kiss had started. Knowing that she was totally safe with him, she'd not tensed as much as she'd expected. His lips felt soft and it wasn't bad. Of course, kissing hadn't been a part of the raping she'd received, so there was no direct link. "Thank you, Chuck. Before you opened your mouth, it was fine for me. Not the awful experience I'd expected."
He apologized again. "It was the shock that caused that, Sarah, not a desire to deepen the kiss. You must know that."
She smirked at him. "You know a normal girl would be upset on hearing that."
He grinned. "And most guys would be horrified to know the first kiss from a woman they liked was only 'not the awful experience she expected.'"
That made her laugh and he joined her. When she stopped, she smiled. "You're good for me, Chuck."
His countenance became serious. "And you're good for me too, Sarah. You've motivated me to make changes." He smiled. "And I don't just mean leaving home."
She wondered what he meant by that, but said, "Well, we haven't had any use for that thing in your head yet, so you might change your mind when that happens."
His eyes locked with hers and she had to admit she liked looking into his. "But you'll help me through it, won't you?"
"I will."
Then his lips curled. "And if you want to experiment further with what the good doctor suggested, my lips will be sealed."
Another laugh escaped. "I'll keep that in mind," she replied.
A/N: Does this feel like progress? And how did you find Sarah's interaction with Dr. Dreyfus?