A/N: Glad you're still with me on this one, and thanks if you left a review for the last chapter.

This and the following chapter are from another Season 1 episode. Two longer chapters with a different visitor.

Healing

Chapter 7: Red

The Zarnow debrief was harsh. As expected, she and Casey were dressed down by the two leaders, more so by General Beckman, who was probably feeling guilty for sending the rogue scientist in the first place. The two of them had to just take it.

Graham called her afterward, though. The conversation suggested that he was becoming open to the idea that Chuck having the Intersect wasn't so bad, but also seemed to show something unexpected. Concern for her. "Do I need to pull you out of there?" he asked. He never normally wanted her opinion.

She responded immediately, which surprised both of them. "No, sir. I want to stay."

He told Sarah that her next session with Dr. Dreyfus would be brought forward by a couple of days. That meant the next day. When she argued about that, he snapped at her. "You see him tomorrow or you fly back and restart therapy over here."

She chose Dreyfus.

After the call, Sarah thought about wanting to stay, not sure why that had been her response. The horror of feeling like she was going to be tortured and raped again was still lingering in her head. That alone should've made her accept Graham's suggestion. The fact that a mere scientist had overcome her made her feel less capable as an agent, too. It was another indication she wasn't up to this, along with the fact that a civilian had rescued her.

However, the significant thing was the civilian in question. Chuck Bartowski, who she was assigned to protect, had protected her. It tied her up in knots. She, and Casey, had demonstrated that they weren't capable of protecting Chuck. They both should've been replaced immediately. And she felt inadequate. Worse than that, the man they were assigned to protect had had to save them, to protect them, and he'd done it so effectively.

This also should've made her realize she should leave, but instead it hardened her resolve to stay. She wasn't just there to protect him from getting hurt, she was stopping Beckman, and possibly her own boss, from bunkering Chuck. She was sure that if she wasn't there, that would become the reality fairly quickly, with replacement agents wanting it, rather than being stuck in LA as his protectors.

Chuck certainly didn't deserve being bunkered, and what he'd done twice now, saving people, showed how good he was.

As she considered all that, another thought forced its way in, one that was less uncomfortable than she would've expected. She cared about this man, who clearly also cared about her. Apart from that baby she'd rescued, she'd never cared about anyone. In that situation, it had started as doing the right thing, but fondness for the little girl had crept in at the end. The same thing was happening here. That was unnerving to her. Fondness for a man was something she never expected, or wanted, but it was with her now. Her desire to stay included that. Frightening!

As Sarah entered the doctor's office, she expected a worse session than last time. She was determined to be strong, though.

He looked at her as she sat in front of him. Silent as before. The notebook was there and he wrote something, probably how tense she seemed.

"I was tranquilised," she blurted out. So much for being strong!

He nodded. "So I hear." Of course he knew. "And how did you feel when you recovered?"

She forced herself to remember. She'd told no one about this, other than Chuck. She looked down and muttered, "Terrified."

His hearing was good. She heard the scratching of pen on paper. "Graham wondered, hence this session."

She looked up in a panic. "If you tell him, I'll be hauled back to DC!"

He looked up from his notebook with a raised eyebrow. "You want me to hide it from him?"

"Patient confidentiality?" she said desperately.

He just looked at her. She realized she was leaning forward and clenching her fists. She forced herself to sit back and open them. He nodded and wrote something, then said, "I have to report progress, at least."

She shouldn't expect otherwise. This was forced upon her rather than requested.

"Let's cover how the week went before we get to that occurrence," he said.

It was hard to think of anything before that, but she made herself. "On the evening after I last saw you, when I saw Chuck, I kissed him." She looked at the doctor and repeated that. "I. Kissed. Him."

She thought that he almost smiled, but that must be her imagination. He hadn't written anything yet. He held her gaze and said, "And?"

The more recent kiss was filling her head, but she managed to push that aside and thought back to the first one.

"Chuck Bartowski is unusual," she started, but then went silent.

"How so?" Dreyfus prompted.

"He didn't react. He just let me press my lips to his."

"How did that make you feel?" The inevitable question.

"Relieved," she honestly said. "Grateful, too."

Scribble, scribble. "And after?"

"We talked." As she remembered, she almost smiled. "He's a very considerate man."

More note taking occurred. "And after?" he repeated.

She looked down. "We've not talked about it again." Scratchy, scratchy. "But I felt less tense around him, until…" Being tranq'd sprang into her mind and she stalled for a moment.

She pressed ahead. "I planned to kiss him again the evening before coming here again," she offered and paused again.

Surprisingly, he filled the gap. "But the aftereffect of Zarnow's visit stopped you." It wasn't a question, but she still nodded.

The need to talk about her second kiss suddenly hit her. She looked at the doctor and said, "When I realized that Chuck had saved me, I kissed him… harder than the first time."

She was surprised at the relief of finally telling someone.

His raised brow was telling. He hadn't expected this. "And how did he react?"

"He held me and comforted me," she said softly.

"You felt comforted?"

She remembered it now. It had felt good to be in his arms. "I did," she admitted.

"And since?"

Unfortunately, retreating back into her shell and treating Chuck as she had, wasn't good. "I closed down again."

He put his pen down and seemed to be considering her. What will he tell Graham?

"You spoke almost fondly of your asset," he finally said.

She immediately responded, "He's more than an asset." Then she realized how that sounded. Thankfully, he wrote nothing down, just raised an eyebrow. She sighed. "He's a hero, even though he doesn't realize it."

"Have you told the director that?"

"Not those words, but we did tell both bosses that he was the one who overcame Zarnow and his men."

Dreyfus nodded. "Probably wise not to call him out as a hero to them."

He hadn't asked her about her night after it had happened, and she wasn't going to volunteer the fact that she'd had nightmares. That would not help her situation.

"So, what now?" she nervously asked.

He looked at her and asked, "What do you want to happen?"

She smiled. "Always respond to a question with a question, huh?"

He stayed silent, waiting for her response. She gave it. "I want to stay. I feel the need to protect him even more."

He noted that down. "What do you want to happen?" she asked.

He answered this time. "It's not what I want that is important here. You want to continue here, and I see no reason for that to stop."

The relief that washed over her was almost overwhelming.

"It may take some time for you to fully get over this incident, but I think your determination to continue will help that."

She agreed.

"You don't have to kiss him again… until you're ready," he said. She was sure that the corners of his lips did rise a bit after that additional comment. She was surprised at him saying that. Her smile faltered as she wondered if she would be ready again.

"And what will you tell Graham?" she asked.

He answered that one too. "Your determination to succeed in this assignment."

She could hold back the sigh of relief this time. It was a surprise, but she wasn't going to complain.

She felt happy as she left him this time.

A week had now gone by since the Zarnow Incident, as Casey and Chuck were calling it.

Sarah was still somewhat choked up about it.

It hadn't just been one night of nightmares; they'd continued for the rest of the week, albeit lessening in number per night. She'd only had one last night. Each time, she'd woken in a cold sweat. The rape experience appeared in them, but by Zarnow and his two men before being handed over to the North Koreans who continued it in their country.

When awake, she'd been quiet, sullen even, and had snapped at Chuck whenever he spoke to her. She knew that wasn't fair on Chuck, but she couldn't help it.

She wondered if her realization that she cared for him as more than just her asset contributed to her terrible behavior.

Chuck, himself, had been so supportive of Sarah all week, so understanding. He really was good for her, and seemed to go out of his way to do things for her. Of course, that just made the self-reliant part of her behave worse toward him.

She was also upset with herself for kissing him as she had. He seemed to understand that it was the craziness of the situation that triggered it, but she was aware of how he had started looking at her, even though he always looked away when she caught him doing it. He was falling for her and the kiss had made that worse for him. Until now, she'd been too tangled up in her upset to do anything about that, but then, what could she have done, anyway?

She hoped that tonight she would start making amends.

As she showered before getting ready for the evening's event, she thought about the second session with Dr. Dreyfus. He'd told her to hold off of kissing Chuck again until she was ready. The week had certainly played out that way. She'd effectively shut him out, apart from the obligatory hand holding.

Tonight, however, she was the affectionate girlfriend, albeit one that still couldn't face physical contact. The evening of games with Ellie, Devon and Morgan had been fun. Each of them had to recall things from their partner's past. She had little understanding of Chuck's past, but was ok with losing because of what she learned, mainly from Morgan who seemed to be the expert on all things Chuck Bartowski. As he was on his own, Chuck had felt sorry for him and had agreed to being his partner as well as Sarah's. It was a bit weird, but everyone went along with it, and it took the spotlight off of Sarah a bit, except when Morgan rubbed it in.

There was a point at which Sarah's spy senses were off. She felt like she was under surveillance. She quickly looked to the windows as she tensed, but saw no one. When she looked back at the others, Ellie was giving her an intense look. Was that what she had sensed, or a reaction to her look outside? She decided on the former and made herself relax.

She settled back into the position she'd been in before. That was something new. She was sitting on the floor in front of the chair that Chuck was on. She was fairly sure that a normal girlfriend would be sitting in his lap, but this was as close as she could manage. However, she was leaning against his leg and even rested her head on it. She was relaxed and felt comfortable like that. If someone had suggested that could happen before coming to LA, she would've scoffed at them, but here she was doing it. If it wasn't for her problems, she could imagine Chuck stroking her hair in this situation. Thankfully, he didn't, but it was a less appalling thought than expected. Is that something that could happen in the future, and not result in a knife in his throat?

The game finished with Morgan the clear winner. He was over the moon and everyone else was just glad they'd had a good time.

Chuck and Sarah walked out of the apartment holding hands, as normal.

"Thanks for being such a good sport," Chuck said, as they walked across the courtyard.

"I enjoyed it. Took my mind off of things."

He squeezed her hand, and she smiled at him and squeezed back.

"I'm sorry I've been so horrible all week, Chuck." The alcohol had freed her tongue, as had the relaxed state she was now in.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Sarah."

She couldn't face another kiss, but he definitely deserved one.

As they entered their apartment, she was still thinking about that. "You go use the bathroom first," Chuck said, considerate as always.

"No, you go first for a change," she replied. He nodded and quickly went in.

Sarah got herself a glass of water and headed to her room.

She sensed a presence as she opened the door and tensed. Sitting at the end of her bed was a familiar redhead.

"What are you doing here, Carina?"

"Hello to you too, Sarah," the woman replied.

"Answer my question, damn it!" Sarah growled.

"Visiting an old friend."

That didn't answer the question, but more needed to be asked. "It must have been you that I sensed spying on me earlier. Why? And how did you even know I was here? Give me a reason not to kick your butt out of here."

Carina smirked. "Think you still can? Looks like you've gone soft." She stopped smirking when Sarah moved so quickly and punched her cheek knocking her sideways. She managed to stay on the bed, though.

Touching her cheek tenderly, Carina muttered, "Ok. Not gone soft, then."

Sarah grabbed Carina's ankles and pulled, causing her to slide off the bed and land on her back. Her head thumped on the floor.

As Sarah released her legs, she had to step back quickly, only just avoiding the kick aimed at her face. That left Carina in the perfect position for her. A swift kick connected her foot with the redhead's left butt cheek. "Talk," she snapped at her.

"I'm on a mission," Carina hissed.

Sarah stepped back and sat on the chair behind her. "So?"

"And you're gonna help me," Carina replied as she eased herself back onto the bed, leaning to her right.

If Carina hadn't made that comment, Sarah would have smiled as the kick had obviously hurt. "Unlikely. Answer my question, or you're gonna hurt more."

"When he knew the mission, Graham told me where to find you," Carina replied. She was now glaring at Sarah.

Sarah was now pissed at Graham as well. He'd not mentioned this in the morning's briefing. "He agreed to me helping you?"

"Encouraged it," Carina said. "I guess it'll get you out of this little love nest and start you working again."

Sarah scoffed at that. "If it was a love nest, I'd not be sleeping alone."

Carina cocked her head to one side and asked, "And why is that?"

"None of your business," Sarah snapped.

Carina then glanced at Sarah's hands. "And why the gloves? Seems a bit kinky."

Carina was obviously unaware of what had happened to her since they last saw each other. "I have a form of haphephobia," she said. How many times will I have to say this?

That just caused a confused frown. "What?"

"I can't handle anyone touching my skin."

"What the fuck?" Carina cried out. "Why? And since when?"

Sarah sighed, but decided to explain. It might make Carina realize that she'd get no help. The sort of missions they had been on before would definitely not happen now. "Six years ago, I was captured, tortured and repeatedly raped. After two years of therapy, I went back to work but only on assassinations, no physical contact."

Carina's jaw dropped. "God, I didn't know! I heard that you'd become Graham's killer, but not the reason. I'm so sorry, Blondie." She slipped back into her old nickname for Sarah, who decided to do the same.

"Shit happens, Red."

Carina looked puzzled. "If you only do assassinations, what're you doing here?"

Sarah wasn't going to tell her everything, so just enough. "It started as an assassination but changed into a partnership."

"With Curls?" Carina joined the dots correctly.

Sarah smiled at him being called that. "With Chuck, and someone from the NSA. It's a joint thing."

Carina's eyes widened. "That's not normal."

"The threat's not normal," Sarah replied.

Carina was silent for a few moments. "This complicates the mission."

"Why? What is it?"

Carina proceeded to tell her and Sarah got more and even less comfortable. Why the hell did Graham agree to this?

Carina eventually left to go to her hotel and Sarah went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Chuck appeared. She looked up at him as she sat at the table. "You heard?"

He nodded. "Your yelling indicated it was just one person. The crashing and subsequent shouts confirmed that you'd handled it. I didn't want to disturb you."

She grinned. "Thanks." How does he always manage to ease my tension?

She had to tell him what was, or might be, happening. So, she nodded to the chair on the opposite side of the table.

The morning call was tense. Beckman obviously didn't give a shit about Sarah's condition or the boundaries she was supposed to be following.

The director was standing behind the seated general for the morning call. Sarah mentioned that Carina had arrived and that she had been told to work with the team.

Graham looked embarrassed, but didn't give Sarah a choice. He said, "Yes, to secure a diamond which is heavily guarded inside of Peyman Alahi's Malibu compound. Mr. Alahi is an international financier for the opium cartel, which is why the Drug Enforcement Administration has asked us to cooperate. You'll assist Carina in acquiring the rock."

Carina hadn't mentioned that it was her agency that had asked for help, making it seem like her decision.

Beckman said, "Mr. Bartowski will need to go to Alahi's compound and use the Intersect to access data on the alarm system. You should set up the grab for the following day."

Sarah's concern shifted to Chuck going, especially as Carina was involved. "Sir, Carina is a tremendous field agent, but... we can't trust her with knowledge of the Intersect."

Beckman spoke before Graham could reply, ignoring what Sarah had said completely, "Alahi has friends outside the opium trade. We've received intel that he plans on moving the stone within the next seventy-two hours."

Casey also spoke up, "Uh... I've had dealings with Miller in the past, too. She can be a bit of a... wild card."

Graham answered Casey, "We're aware of what happened in Prague, Agent Casey, which is why you and Agent Walker will return the diamond to us. Under no circumstances should Miller be entrusted with it." He then looked at Sarah. "You are right, She can't know about the Intersect, either."

After the call, Chuck asked, "What happened in Prague?" Casey growled and Chuck said, "Okay. I don't need to know."

The three of them walked out to meet Carina.

Carina said to Sarah, "Hmm. So, this is your team?"

Casey said nothing, but glowered at her.

"Oh, hello, Casey," Carina said. "Nice to see you with your pants on."

Casey grunted and walked back into his apartment, slamming the door in the process.

Carina then turned to Chuck. "I've not met you before. So, not just Sarah's bed buddy?"

Chuck looked startled at that comment and Carina looked pleased.

Sarah said, "He's an analyst. Works for the CIA." She then glared. "And where he sleeps is none of your business, any more than it was last night."

Carina glared back and walked off.

"Sorry about her, Chuck."

He looked at her. "You could always join me at night. Just to keep her guessing."

Sarah suspected he was just teasing her, but still raised a brow as she looked at him. "You know I can't," she said quietly.

He looked surprised. She realized that he'd interpreted it narrower than she meant. She hadn't specifically said that she didn't want to, just couldn't. It made her wonder if she would ever want to again and, if so, would he be her choice?

She shook her head to clear it of such thoughts. She turned to their apartment and muttered, "Come on, we should get ready and head to Burbank."

Sarah was sitting in the manager's office at the back of the Wienerlicious, thinking about that last conversation with Chuck. Neither had said anything about it, or anything else, on the drive to work.

The thought of anyone touching her anywhere made her feel queasy, but intimately obviously felt so much worse. So, why is that feeling less when I think about Chuck?

She knew she was attracted to him. That was becoming more and more obvious to her as she spent time with him, but that didn't mean physical contact of any sort was in their future.

She had enjoyed sex in the past, before that awful time, but it was unthinkable now. So, why am I sitting here thinking about it with Chuck?

What she already knew about him was that he'd abstained for almost as long as her, just for a different reason. She was sure he would do everything he could to avoid hurting her in any way. He was such a gentle man and kind beyond belief.

She concluded that if she ever did again, he would be the best she could ever expect. However, that wasn't going to happen in the near future. Not while the very thought of it turned her stomach. Hell, she couldn't even cope with him touching her skin! She was feeling more miserable as she thought that.

Then, a light started flashing on her desk. Tracy was signaling to her. She sat forward and looked at the display showing the Wienerlicious counter.

She groaned. Carina was in front of Tracy. Sarah switched on the speaker so that she could hear.

"-know she's here," Carina was saying. "And I need to talk to her."

Sarah switched on her microphone. "It's ok, Tracy. Send her through."

The door opened and Carina breezed in. When she saw that Sarah was in ordinary clothes, she stopped and stared at her, "So, you don't have to wear that outfit?"

"I did for a week, before I took over."

"I bet your legs were popular," the redhead said. "But I guess people don't look beyond her boobs. Much bigger than yours."

"I hope you didn't come here to discuss my figure, or Tracy's," Sarah growled. Carina sat in the chair on the other side of Sarah's desk. "No. About the mission."

"Go on," Sarah said.

"I had thought we'd both wear bikinis to distract people from what we're really there for."

Sarah didn't mind her body being on display that way, but it could lead to more interest than she'd want. Physical contact would trigger her to knife the perpetrator. Maybe even her throwing up. Not very subtle… or pleasant.

"I'll wear one, but I'll have something on over it."

Carina beamed at her. "Great. I'll be completely on show." That didn't surprise Sarah at all.

Carina leaned forward. "And what will Chuckles wear?" The look in her eyes was typical predatory Carina.

"My boyfriend won't be wearing a bikini," Sarah replied. "He'll probably wear a t-shirt and shorts." She could imagine him in those.

Carina stood. "I know you and Casey. I need to get to know him, too." She darted out, shutting Sarah's door as she went.

Sarah's eyes widened at the thought of Carina 'getting to know' Chuck. She had documents on her desk, ones that couldn't be seen by anyone other than CIA or NSA staff, so she had to lock her door before leaving. Then, she shot after Carina.

Obviously, with her head start, Carina entered the Buy More well before Sarah. She was standing just inside and waving at Chuck. He frowned as he saw her, but smiled when Sarah appeared next to her. That made Sarah feel happy. The scowl on Carina's face added to that.

"And you're definitely not sharing his bed?" Carina asked.

"No. And neither are you," Sarah replied.

"Hmm." That made Sarah think Carina would try something. She had already warned Chuck about the redhead, but she'd have to do it again. She squashed the concern about how tense it made her feel.

"Your bosses asked for our help because you can't complete your mission without us," she hissed. "So we are in control, not you."

Carina glared and snapped at her. "I'm suffering having you help me, but it's my mission, not yours."

Sarah hadn't noticed Chuck approaching them until he spoke, "You're disturbing our customers. Please take this outside, ladies."

Sarah quickly glanced around. There were no customers in sight.

Impulsively, she placed a hand on Chuck's cheek. "Will do, Chuck. Sorry."

He leaned into her hand and smiled at her. "Thank you."

Carina was surprised by Sarah's action, and when her wrist was grabbed, she was pulled out without argument.

Once outside, the redhead stared at her old friend. "What the fuck was that, Blondie?"

Sarah shrugged. "Gloves, Red. Gloves."

"That's enough to allow contact?" Carina was clearly still trying to get her head around it.

"Mmhm!"

Carina grabbed her arms. "And that's ok, too?"

Sarah nodded.

"Maybe this mission will work okay," Carina mused to herself. Then, she looked at Sarah with a twinkle in her eye.

"What?" Sarah asked, sure that she wasn't going to like what Carina said next.

"Condoms."

Sarah's jaw dropped and then she got angry. "You seriously think I would have sex with anyone?"

"Come on, Sarah. You obviously both want each other."

"You just don't understand! I was violated multiple times. I never want sex again!" Sarah angrily hissed, trying to be quiet in case anyone came out of the store. "With anyone."

Knowing how Carina was, Sarah added. "And he's not for you, either, so back off."

Carina's eyes flashed. "Or what?"

"You know how fast I am with my knives."

Carina glared for a moment, and then just nodded. "See you tomorrow in the limo." Casey was driving them to the party in one. The redhead then sauntered off as if nothing was wrong.

Sarah just stood, trying to calm down for a few minutes before walking back to the Wienerlicious.

Sarah was waiting in the car to give Chuck a ride home when they finished their shifts, but he walked to the car and told her that wouldn't be happening.

He was standing with the passenger door open and leaning in. "Sit and explain why," she commanded.

Chuck looked a bit frightened. She'd not used such a tone on him before. He sat next to her but his left foot was still on the ground.

"I'll be using a Nerd Herder because I'm on-call tonight," he rushed out.

She was incredulous. "Why didn't I know about this?"

He blushed. "I haven't had to do it recently, but have to tonight. No one else can."

"And you're taking a Nerd Herder because you might get called out?" She asked in a tone that made him more nervous.

He nodded and said, "I've been doing it for years. I only occasionally get called out."

"That isn't safe now," she declared.

He gulped.

She had to get him to understand. "What you have in your head makes you a valuable asset to our enemies if they catch you."

"But they don't know it's me that's got it," he said, but the look he gave her indicated he knew that wasn't a valid argument.

She sighed. "If you get called out, I'll have to come with you."

He looked shocked. "You can't do that!"

"And why?" she asked. Her tone could freeze water.

"I'll look stupid turning up with my girlfriend!" he exclaimed.

"Better than getting paler and paler stuck in a dark cell somewhere with only rats as company." She doubted that would happen, nor the next thing she said. "Or white as a sheet as the body bag you're in gets zipped up."

"Alright, alright," he muttered. "You've gotten your point across!"

"You wake me if you have to go out," she said slowly for emphasis.

He nodded reluctantly, but he agreed. "Go on then," she said.

He got out of the car and headed over to one of the brightly colored Nerd Herders.

As they ate their dinner, he stated that Morgan was the reason for him not mentioning the on-call earlier.

She knew Morgan could be a bit much sometimes, but that wasn't enough. "What's he done now?"

"He saw Carina come into the store and then me talking to you both." He looked over at her. "He's been pestering me all day to hook him up with her."

She couldn't help laughing. "She'd eat him up!"

"That's what I thought, but I couldn't say that to him."

She shook her head, trying to get the thought of Carina with the bearded guy out of her head. "How did you leave it?"

"I said I'd get you to contact her," he sheepishly said.

"Oh, thanks. Making it my problem!"

"Not really," he replied. "I can tell him you tried and she said she'd think about it."

She frowned at him. "Seriously? She'd think about it?"

"I really don't want to crush him, Sarah. He's never been successful with women."

She smirked at him. "And you have?" she responded.

He glared at her. "That was cruel."

She realized he was right. "Sorry."

"Anyway, he sees me with the most beautiful woman either of us have ever seen, and he thinks that if I can be lucky, maybe he can too."

His words distracted her from the main discussion. "The most beautiful?"

He groaned and said, "You know you are."

She placed her hand on his arm. "I don't feel it after all that I've done, but I guess Morgan only sees the shell."

He looked like he was going to say something, but stopped himself. He turned to look at the pasta he was pushing around on his place. "Yeah, that's what he sees."

She thought that pushing to know what he was going to say would seem like her fishing for compliments, so she said nothing.

Morgan had called twice in the evening, still pestering Chuck.

Sarah told her cover boyfriend to just be honest with his friend. The look she received spoke volumes.

"Ok. I know you're telling him lies all the time, and I'm sorry about that," she said.

"Me too," he replied and got up. "I'm heading to bed. Goodnight."

She stayed seated and watched him go. The anger radiating off of him.

She decided to go to bed, as well. She wondered if she should sleep in the same bed as Chuck, in case Carina decided to try that, but she knew he'd refuse her as well. It would feel like another lie to him.

She sighed and prepared for bed and another nightmare.

A/N: Welcome, Carina. More of her next chapter.