Chapter 22

With everyone looking at me, I suddenly was at a loss for words. My mouth was dry. I looked over at Dean and saw that he had a look of confusion and disbelief on his beautiful face. A tinge of guilt went coursing through my body.

"Would someone please explain what the hell is going on?" Dean growled in a low tone, his emerald eyes boring into my soul.

"It's a long story…" I croaked out, my voice was hoarse.

"Well… We've got time. We are listening." Sam sympathetically said, giving Dean a look.

So I took a deep breath and went into a lengthy story about how I was made.

After about an hour and a lot of lengthy pauses, I was finished explaining my life. Sam's face was showing an expression of pure interest. Meanwhile Dean… Well his face was unreadable. I looked down at my hands and picked at my nail beds. That's when Sam's voice broke the silence.

"So… You're like an… Angel?" He asked cocking his head to one side.

"HA! No… God no.. Far from one." I laughed nervously.

"So, how old are you?" Sam asked in an embarrassed voice.

"Oh… Ummm…" I had to think hard. "About… 110,000 years."

"She is one of the few of God's creations that has ever seen and talked to him." Cas said in a monotone.

"Wow." Sam seemed dumbfounded.

"So is there anything else that you are hiding from us?" Dean finally spoke in a crude tone.

"Dean!" Sam shot him a look.

"What? Just asking." He mumbled.

"Maybe you two should talk… Alone." Bianca said in a shy tone.

"Fine. My room. NOW!" His voice seemed to rumble through me and then he started towards his room.

I just looked at Bianca as I got up and followed him to his room. We got to his room, Dean opened the door and let me enter first. When I walked by him, I could feel the rage radiating off of his body. As he closed the door, I walked towards the bed. I slowly lowered myself onto the bed, then I put my head on my hands and let out a sigh. I slowly looked up to see that Dean was seated at a little table in the corner of the room. He flexed his chiseled jaw as he looked at me. We held our gaze for what seemed like forever. The silence was screamingly loud. I was hoping that he was going to speak first, but when he didn't I decided that I was going to break it.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Why didn't you…"

"I didn't know how I was going to tell you. I just didn't have the right words to tell you."

"The right words?"

"It's just… Just hard to be like 'Hey! My maker is God, and I was one of his failed creations.' You know?"

"So what.. You're afraid that I'll judge you? Me? I thought you trusted me."

"I do trust you Dean… And I'm sure there's things that you aren't telling me either. I'm sure that you might one day but, until then I won't press you for it."

"Obviously you don't trust me."

"Dean…"

"Then tell me… Did you actually have a vision?"

"No… I didn't. How… How did you know?"

"I could tell by your tone and your body language that it was more."

"I see…" I bit my lip.

"So…What was it?"

"It was an angel… She uhh… She called me to my world."

"What do you mean she called you? To your what?"

"The place that my maker, God, made for me. It's the one place that I am in my natural state. And-"

"What do you mean natural state?"

"It means that I look like how I am supposed to be. Tiny black veins from my eyes, black eyes, and fangs out. A… Monster."

"You're not a monster…" He looked at me finally.

"How would you know…"

"Because I know you."

"Dean… I…"

"So what did this angel tell you?" His tone was still curt.

"Well first… She told me that God is okay. That she doesn't know where he is, but he is fine. Then she told me that he had a message for me… It was about you and your brother. He told me that I have to protect you guys. I don't know why but I do."

"Really? That's ironic."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Meaning you weren't protecting us by lying!"

"I'm sorry! How many times do I have to apologize!"

"You should have just told me Nicole! Because now.."

"Now… What?"

"Now… I don't trust you." There was a hint of pain in his voice.

"I… I…"

"Also what did you mean by you were told to protect my brother and I?"

"I don't know. They are usually very cryptic with me. Same with God. His messages are usually never straight forward."

"Yeah… Right…" He flexed his jaw in frustration.

"Seriously Dean… I don't know. And if I did, I would tell you." I pleaded.

"Sure. Well, I'm going to go see what Cas and Kev found." He slowly got up, looking at me. His green eyes portraying his hurt.

"What! No! No, we are not done here!" I started to panic.

"There's nothing left to talk about. We're done!" He raised his voice and walked out the door slamming it behind him.

"Dean… Please…" I was talking to no one.

I took a deep, ragged breath in and slowly let it out. My insides were doing this strange pinging thing. I looked behind me at the bed. Where just a couple hours ago, we were tangled up in each other's arms. I got up and walked over to my suitcase and started to pack it up. As I did, my mind was running through the argument. I know why he's mad. I understand. I should have told him sooner. Fuck! Why am I so stupid! My mind screamed at me. I felt my eyes start to water. I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and zipped up my bag. I stood up, grabbed my suitcase and walked towards the door. I looked back and took a deep breath in. The air smells like him. I held it in for a second and let it out. I straightened up and walked towards the 'war room'.

I got to the war room, everyone was in a deep conversation. I walked over to the stairs and set my suitcase down. Then I walked over to stand by Bianca and tried to figure out where we were in the conversation. Sam and Kevin were talking about someone named Metatron. I think I know that name… From where… I have no idea. I thought to myself. Apparently he was the one who made these tablets, and also… There was more than one.

"So… This tablet. It has the power to put heaven on lockdown?" Dean was acting like we didn't just have an argument.

"Yes. Also it has the power to burn our wings off." Castiel said still in a monotone. Does he have any emotion?

"Huh." Dean quizzically said.

"So… Now what are you guys going to do?" Bianca quietly questioned, looking at Sam.

"Don't know yet." Sam looked over and smirked at her.

"So… Who exactly is Metatron?" My voice cracked a little.

"He is a scribe of God. You know.." Cas looked at me.

"OH! HIM! I vaguely know who he is. Never seen him. Or really heard his name before." I was surprised he had a name.

"The… Scribe of God?" Bianca asked, confused.

"He writes down what God says." Sam Said, still looking at her with admiration.

I wish Dean would look at me… I thought to myself.

"Interesting… So like the bible? Or… The tablets?" Bianca inquired.

"Yeah.. Kind of." Sam shrugged. "So I guess we should start looking for Metatron." He looked over at Dean, who was looking down at the table.

"Okay. I'll help you do some research. But first shall we have some lunch?" Bianca clapped then rubbed her hands together.

We all nodded and started towards the kitchen. Just then, Bianca grabbed me by the elbow and held me behind for a moment.

"Are you okay? And please… Don't lie to me." She quietly asked me in a whisper.

"I'm… I don't know." I could feel myself unraveling.

"What happened? Why is your suitcase by the staircase?" She started bombarding me.

"I'll explain later. After lunch I'm going to go get a motel room. I'll text you the room number, so if you want to visit. You can." I said as I gave her a small smile.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to come stay with you?" Her eyes were big and her brow furrowed together.

"No. No. Besides, there is something going on between you and Sam. I don't want my problems to come between you two." I gave her a small hug and smiled at her. Even though it didn't quite reach my eyes.

"Fine. But I am going to come with you to at least make sure you check in alright." She gave me a stern look and held me in her arms for a minute.

I mouthed a thank you and we walked towards the kitchen. When we got there, Sam and Kevin were at a counter making some sandwiches as Dean sat at the table with a beer in his hands. Bianca walked over towards Sam and started to help them out. I looked at my options at the seats around the table and decided that I was going to sit. So I chose the seat next to the wall, which was diagonally from Dean. As I sat down, I glanced over to see that Dean was looking at me. This sucks! Please talk to me! PLEASE! My subconscious yelled at me. He flexed his jaw and continued to look down at his beer bottle. His hands fiddled with the label.

Just then, Sam, Kevin and Bianca came over and laid the sandwiches and beer down on the table. I wasn't hungry at all and grabbed myself a beer. I took a big sip, feeling the bubbles go down my throat, I started to wish that I had something stronger. There was some small talk going on. Mainly Sam, Bianca and Kevin were doing the talking. I have already moved onto my third beer as Dean was on his forth. I had my head in my hand and was trying hard to pay attention to the conversation. But… I was failing. It was taking everything in me to not hopelessly look at Dean, so instead I stared at the bottle in front of me. Then, despite my better judgment, I decided to look at him. Peeking up through my lashes, I saw that he was staring at his beer and he was playing with his finger. He ran his tongue over his beautiful lips and flexed his jaw. Fuck… I wish I could kiss them. My mind whispered. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

That's when Bianca tapped my shoulder bringing me out of my trance. She asked me if I could help her clean up. I nodded and threw back the rest of my I stood up, Dean did too. We looked at each other for a moment. His beautiful green eyes were filled with hurt. I wanted to say something but kept my mouth shut. He was the first to look away. He walked towards the fridge and opened it to grab a six pack of beer. He strode out of the room leaving me alone… again. I just sighed, picked up some dishes and started to clean up.

After everything was washed and put away, Sam said that he was going to go to the library to help Kevin. Bianca looked at me and said that she was going to come to the motel with me. I could tell by her tone that it was more of a demand than a request. I nodded, then she walked off to grab a couple things. I walked out of the kitchen towards the stairs. I stopped for a brief moment and looked at the hallway that led to the bedrooms. Wishing that I could try to get Dean to talk to me, one last time. That's when Bianca came bouncing out of the hallway towards me.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here?" Asked in a somber tone.

I shook my head, my voice was not willing to work for me. She nodded and I grabbed my suitcase. Then we started up the stairs. When I got to the top, I looked back taking it all in. Just hours ago, Dean and I were tangled up in each other's arms. Now… My whole world was flipped upside down and shattered. I shook my head and walked out of the door. I shut it, leaving my heart there.