I did not mean for this scene to happen or I had not fully planned it. I started the next chapter - which will be the lats of this summer - with an outing for the girls. But this scene pushed itself forward in my mind. For me this has been a little bit of breakthrough and I feel like I can see the characters and their arcs more clearly! Hopefully this also means I'll get the next chapter done soon!
Their play was halted only by the coming darkness several hours after they had begun. Lanterns were lit and placed on the front of the carriages. As exhaustion overtook Elizabeth, she almost missed the opportunity to ride with her Mr. Darcy.
"I would be obliged, young Darcy, if you would consent to drive the ladies this time," Mr. Barlow said. "I am not too proud to admit my eyes are not what they once were, and I should be quite blind navigating the twists and turns back to Pemberley in this light."
"Perhaps Lizzy and Miss Darcy should come in the carriage as they both look dead on their feet," Mrs. Gardiner suggested. Mr. Gardiner seemed to be poised to agree when Lizzy spoke up.
"If you do not object, I should like to ride in the phaeton. It would be lovely to see the woods and paths in the moonlight."
Darcy nodded his acquiescence and Mrs. Gardiner her agreement. The parties separated to their respective conveyances. Before Elizabeth could worry over where she would sit and decide whether she preferred the potential terror and exhilaration of being beside her Mr. Darcy for a full half hour her friend took the decision, mostly, out of her hands.
"Lizzy, if you do not mind might I sit on the outside?" Georgiana asked with a smile. "I am afraid I might feel nauseous sitting in the middle in the dark."
"I do not mind," Lizzy answered quickly and truthfully. Having only been in a carriage together a few times Elizabeth could not be certain of her friend's tendencies. However, the only observation she would have made was that Georgiana was likely to fall asleep, even on short rides regardless of the seat. She had never seen her get sick.
This slight quandary occupied her mind enough to avoid the near existential crisis of earlier when her Mr. Darcy had offered his hand to help her up and onto her seat. Thus, it was with little anxiety that Elizabeth found herself seated in between the Darcy siblings embarking on a moonlit carriage ride.
The ride to the picnic had been filled with talk of what was to come and of the beautiful sights that they passed. The ride back consisted, initially at least, of remembering the past few hours and discussing all the wonderful things that had happened. After ten minutes Georgiana's excitement seemed to wane and a minute later Elizabeth felt the plop of her friend's head on her shoulder. Darcy's low chuckle sounded close to her ear.
"She can never withstand a lolling carriage after dark," he said.
"Even in daylight hours I have observed her doze off or nearly so," Elizabeth agreed. She shifted slightly so that Georgianna's head was more secure. "I was surprised when she mentioned the possibility of being made ill, having not thought that was a problem for her."
"It is not," Darcy answered.
"Then I wonder why she said it was," Elizabeth responded, beginning to feel the weight of her own fatigue.
"Do you not know?" he asked, and though it may have been her mind being too tired to make sense of things, but it seemed like his question contained a hint of accusation. Though she intended to ask about this, the next thing she knew she was being gently shaken by Georgiana.
"Lizzy, wake up. We are home."
Lifting her head, Elizabeth was mortified to discover she had been sleeping on Darcy's shoulder. Georgianna was urging her to wake and her aunt and uncle stood beside the gig smiling up at her. Would they admonish her for her very unladylike behaviour? What did Mr. Darcy think–the younger and the older. It was practically a compromise!
"You are just as bad as I am in a carriage at night," Georgiana teased as her father helped the girls down.
Elizabeth was confused as to why no one was concerned about her comportment. Perhaps it was because his sister had been present. Letting the conduct of the others guide hers she tried not to worry overmuch.
"It is good to see you ladies were able to get some rest as I have no doubt you will be up half the night," Mr. Darcy said.
As part of both of their birthday surprise, Elizabeth was to spend the night at Pemberley. Both girls were nearly as excited for that as they had been for the picnic.
"We will certainly not stay up half the night, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth assured him. "I believe we fully intend to remain awake until we see the sunrise."
"Oh, Lizzy, you must not try the patience of Pemberley's staff," Mrs. Gardiner admonished her niece with a fond smile.
"Or its family," young Mr. Darcy added with mock seriousness.
Elizabeth bid her family goodnight before taking Georgianna's arm. They walked inside chatting excitedly about all their plans, both suddenly wide awake. The gentlemen followed. Mrs. Reynolds greeted them and informed them chocolate and fruit awaited them in Miss Darcy's sitting room.
"Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds," the girls responded together.
The Mr. Darcy's said their goodnights, the elder extracting a promise that they would not disturb Mrs. Baxter, who had stayed behind due to a severe headache.
"Of course, father. We will check on her in the morning. I do hope she was able to rest and will be recovered by tomorrow. I asked Higgins to place some of her favourites together when they gathered up the leftover food," Georgiana said, referring to the footman who had attended them.
"That was very kind of you," he responded. After a kiss on the forehead for his daughter Mr. Darcy turned to Lizzy. "I hope the festivities met your expectations?"
"They did," she assured him. "And you are acquainted enough with my personality to know how unreasonably high I tend to set my hopes and so I trust you know how very special you made this day for me. I am truly grateful." She moved to hug him, and he welcomed her into an embrace, Georgiana soon joined them.
"You are the best father," Georgina said, her words muffled as she pressed into his side.
"What about me?" young Darcy pouted. "I put a great deal of effort into the planning as well."
"Of course you are the best, Fitzwilliam," Georgiana assured him, moving from their father's arms to his.
As much as Elizabeth wanted to offer her own embrace to the younger Mr. Darcy, she instead teased, "it is true Georgiana has told me on more than one occasion that after Mr. Darcy and your cousin, Major Fitzwilliam, you are her favourite relative."
"Stephen has pride of place in your heart over me, little one? I am truly wounded."
After Georgiana finished assuring her brother of his primacy in her affections, she could not stand for him to think otherwise even as part of a jest, the girls skipped arm and arm up the stairs.
Sometime later Georgianna had made good on their promise and was snoring lightly next to Elizabeth, who found sleep more elusive. The setting certainly could not be blamed. Georgianna's bed was wide with a soft mattress. The maids had supplied them with several extra blankets and pillows with which the girls built an almost fort-like structure in the center of the bed where they talked and laughed for at least an hour before Georgiana succumbed. Lizzy lay there for a while thinking she would drift off eventually.
It was not to be. At home in the room she shared with Jane, Lizzy always kept a book and candle by their bed. Reading was the one way she knew she could put herself to sleep. After a brief internal debate, Elizabeth decided to seek out a book. She knew the family library was only three doors down. Although it boasted only a fraction of the books housed in the main library, it still had more than enough options for her needs. Indeed, she remembered Mr. Darcy placing a copy of Gulliver's Travels on the table there earlier in the week. If she was lucky, it would be there still. Reading books she was familiar with was the best strategy for Lizzy when sleep was what she really wanted.
After retrieving her robe and securing the tie around her waist, she slowly turned the knob and stepped gingerly out into the hallway. Leaving the door slightly ajar behind her she stepped lightly, her bare feet sliding over the soft carpet. She just had time to note a light coming from under the library door when she heard someone say her name. Without thought she moved closer, but before she could turn the knob and see who was inside, she recognized HIS voice.
"It is harmless enough," he said.
"I am glad you see it that way," his father responded.
"She is a child. It is not as if she is trying to compromise me or gain my attention in inappropriate ways. It would not be in her nature. I am, unfortunately, far too familiar with both tactics."
"I am relieved you feel that way. She is a kind and loyal friend to your sister, and I hope to invite her to spend more time with us but would not want you made uncomfortable."
"Her friendship with Georgiana is something I value as well, and I think you make too much of this. It is a childish infatuation which is barely perceptible most of the time. It is, primarily, confined to long looks and blushing."
"And the occasional head on your shoulder?" There was a teasing note to the elder Darcy's voice.
"She really did simply fall asleep."
"Of course," Mr. Darcy sounded unconvinced. "Shall we review Stearns' letter, or should we wait until the morning?
Elizabeth stood outside the door for another moment before slowly making her way back to Georgiana's room. As she climbed into the bed next to her sleeping friend, she felt the sting of tears.
Nothing she had heard was so very bad. Or so she told herself. But it was incredibly embarrassing. Mortifying really. She had always wondered if her feelings were detectable by those who observed her and Darcy together. Indeed, her reaction to him was so strong within herself that she imagined it must be visible somehow, but she had never allowed herself to think on it too much. Likely because if she had she would have realized on her own what the overheard father-son conversation revealed. Everyone knew. Though later she would dwell on this mortification, in those hours while her friend slumbered beside her and Elizabeth cried herself not quite to sleep this was not what seemed to matter most. The ubiquitous knowledge of her feelings was embarrassing, but her Mr. Darcy's dismissal of them was acutely painful. He saw her as just a child whose feelings were so inconsequential as to not warrant concern. He had not been intentionally unkind; indeed, he was almost defending her. If she had felt less this may have been a balm, but his words wounded her.
By the time the sun could be seen rising over the hills beyond Pemberley Wood, Elizabeth had gained control of herself. It was not as if she had resolved her feelings or determined a course of action. It was all too much. And so she put the conversation and the emotion and heartache it had triggered into a box in her mind where she told herself it would be safe until she could pour it out to the only person who might help or at least understand. Jane. Lizzy knew her aunt would offer consolation and likely advice, but she could not bear to think about repeating the words she overheard nor speaking the feelings they had caused. Jane's distance, the requirement of writing and the time it would take to hear a response all made this feel like the best course to Lizzy.
So it was that Georgiana barely perceived any change in her friend as they set about their day the next morning. Perhaps the only thing that might have given away Elizabeth's inability to completely contain her confusion and heartache was when Miss Darcy suggested they seek out Fitzwilliam to join them for their morning walk.
"No, please," Lizzy said quickly, then collecting herself went on, "if you do not mind too much, I should like to have you all to myself."
Georgiana was flattered and assured her friend that she would also be glad to have Lizzy to herself. The sunshine, exercise and animated conversation did much to restore Elizabeth's equanimity. Combined with the absence of the younger Darcy for the rest of the day's visit Lizzy was able to salvage her enjoyment of her stay at Pemberley.