***Chapter 68***
**Aria's POV**
"Aria? You okay?" Jason's voice cut through the fog of my thoughts, bringing me back to the moment.
I was apparently sitting and having breakfast with Jason at the Grill. My brain, a blend of fog and not enough sleep had me struggling to stay in the moment. The sunshine and the hot coffee clasped between my hands did nothing to keep me awake. I shook the foggy feeling from my head, meeting Jason's green eyes. He looked concerned, I guess I had been spacing out for too long.
"Yeah, I'm alright, Jason." I tried to reassure, but seeing the expression on his face, the way that his forehead crinkled in concern, I knew he didn't believe me. "I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night."
"Oh, is that why I heard whispers and stumbling coming from Spencer's backyard last night?" he teased, and I could feel the fear slide off him, as he settled down. Apparently it was enough to know that I was okay.
"Yeah, that was us." I answered with a tired smile, I leaned my head onto my hand, taking the opportunity to just watch Jason for a little while, existing in the moment.
Sure enough, the night before, which had started with the easy comfort of watching movies on the couch in Spencer's barn, had gone downhill when we had settled down to sleep. The barn wasn't insulated against the noises outside, not like Spencer's bedroom had been. And the combination of four girls shifting and breathing in the darkness wasn't doing anything to help my restless nerves. It was like the lack of light had turned on all my anxiety, that I had thought would be held at bay by the evening with the girls, but had come back full force. It barrelled into my chest, leaving me gasping for air in the dark, while trying desperately not to disturb the others. Even though they seemed about as restless as I did, if the way that the covers kept tugging over me was any indication.
There hadn't even been something as straightforward as a text from Charles, that at least would have let me fall back to sleep. Instead there was the ominous scraping of branches against the outer walls of the barn. The wind blowing through the trees just enough to whistle outside and set my teeth on edge. Finally, Hanna had sat up, voice quaking as she asked what it was.
"It's the wind, Hanna. Now go back to sleep." I had tried to soothe her and myself, but she huffed at me.
"How do you know? It could be someone outside." she had frozen in the bed, intently listening for any continued movement. "Did you lock the door to the barn?"
I had felt my forehead crinkle in thought, trying to remember if I had drawn the deadbolt across the door when I came back from brushing my teeth.
"Well?" Hanna prompted.
"I think so." I answered back, trying to keep my voice at least somewhat quiet so as to not disturb the others.
"Hanna, Aria, can you both please go back to sleep? Spencer's annoyed voice sounded from right next to me, where she had apparently not been able to sleep through the whispered conversation.
A bump had sounded in the main room, and my adrenaline spiked as my heart thumped loudly against my ribcage. There must have just been a breeze that came in through an open window. That had to be it.
"What was that?" Emily asked, her voice whispered but clearly scared.
"It was the wind." I tried again, wanting desperately to just go to sleep, for this to just be a bad dream. But if we were all up, it wasn't likely to happen.
"In the barn, Aria? Really?" Hanna managed to be sarcastic through her fear at least, so it could be worse. That would involve some screaming.
"Yes, really. But if it will make you feel better, I'll go check it out." the words were out of my mouth before I really thought through them.
My heart was racing too quickly for my comfort in going to explore a darkened barn. And sure, I had told Hanna I wouldn't go check on anything that bumped in the night if she watched a horror movie. But glancing at the others in the bed, with the pale moonlight coming in through the window and painting them in grayscale, I knew that they weren't likely to go instead of me. I rolled my eyes, slipping out of the bed and letting my feet touch the cold hardwood floor. It sent a shiver up my legs and spine at the chill.
"I thought we were sending Emily." Spencer asked almost lazily, she was leaning back in the bed again, clearly not as bothered by this as Emily and Hanna.
"Only if it's a lesbian succubus." Hanna chimed in with a cheery whisper.
"Hey!" Emily protested, a little too loudly as there was another bump outside the walls of the barn.
"Pretty sure she was a bisexual succubus, Han." I soothed, like that made all the difference in the world.
My bare feet were relatively quiet across the wood floor, quieter than Emily's talking at least. I was just going to check that the door to the barn was locked, and also that the windows were shut. We could handle a little bit of stuffy air if it meant that we didn't keep waking up from a potential intruder in the main room. I pulled the door to the bedroom open, listening for any movement in the front room. My breath was loud, covering some of the potential sounds that I was straining to hear.
The wind swept through the room again, a cool relief from the still humid air. The window was definitely open. But there didn't seem to be any other movement in the room. I moved over to the lamp, using the light coming in through the window to guide me over. I wasn't that comfortable about where all the light switches were in this room, but that one at least I knew.
I heard a gasp when the light switched on under my touch, jumping at the sound. I pulled back, flinching away from the light. But after a moment, I opened my eyes back up. Scanning the room there was nothing abnormal, it wasn't until I got back around to looking at the door to the bedroom, that I realized the sound of the gasp. Spencer, Hanna, and Emily were huddled together in the doorway, like they weren't sure who was going to go first to follow me. Spencer mostly looked tired, like she had almost fallen asleep or just managed to drift off when we woke her up.
"See, there's nothing here to worry about." I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice, even as I headed over towards the door. Checking that I had in fact thrown the deadbolt.
A loud slam of something against the wall near the door to the barn sounded, crashing too close for comfort. A tiny shriek pulled from my throat, as I jumped back away from the source of the crash. I could feel my body beginning to shake at the danger before me, though I couldn't see what it was.
"Though I wouldn't mind someone coming with me to check that out." my voice was thready at best, the fear obvious in my quaking tone.
I heard a huff of a laugh behind me, and glancing back I saw that Spencer was moving forward, away from Hanna and Emily, who were both still lingering in the doorway.
"Team Sparia." she whispered, motioning her head for the door.
I nodded and reached out to open the door. The light outside the barn was already lit, which with a motion sensor is not necessarily what you want to see in the middle of the night when things are going bump. But I pushed aside the fear that I was small, and easy to carry off, and moved outside looking to either side to see if I could find the source of the noise.
As soon as I stepped outside, I heard it. It was a low dull, dragging sound. The unsettling sound of bare skin sliding against concrete. Like hands or feet scrabbling against the ground around the barn. Goosebumps raised across my skin as the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
"What was that?" Hanna's voice came from behind me, startling me with its proximity.
I put my finger to my lips, indicating for her to be quiet while I checked it out. My bare feet on the concrete outside the barn made a similar noise, no matter that I tried to be quiet with how I was stepping. My stomach clenched tight with fear as I carefully moved over to the side that the noise was coming from. It was around the corner. My heart was racing, beating too loudly in my ears for me to clearly hear what was happening just around the corner. But still I moved forward, I wasn't going to give in to fear.
I held my breath as I neared the corner, terrified to look around, but knowing that none of us would sleep tonight unless we knew what was making the sounds. And got it to stop. And really, what were the odds of it being Charles? I bit my lip at that thought, needlessly ratcheting my anxiety up even higher than it already was. I was quaking where I stood. The scrabbling sounds paused, considering us like we were considering it. I felt all my muscles tense. It was now or never.
I peered around and with a breath recognized a low chittering noise. My whole body relaxed, releasing the tension that was threatening to tear my limbs apart. There was a raccoon stretching up towards where Spencer's family kept their garbage cans.
"It's nothing, just a raccoon." I whispered back to the girls, wanting to reassure them without scaring the little creature anymore.
"Seriously, that's it?" Hanna sounded annoyed as she moved up behind me, peering around me to look at the little bandit faced critter.
"Yep, let's head back inside." I turned back to face her with a roll of my eyes.
As I turned around, leaving my back to the raccoon, there was a tremendous thud, a shriek of a small chittering voice, and the skid of raccoon paws scraping against the concrete again. I jumped away, reaching blindly out for help. And managed to catch Hanna who was too close to be able to dodge. She flailed backwards, stumbling to try and support my sudden weight. And collided into Spencer, who apparently also wanted to see what was happening around the corner. It sounded like Spencer hit the side of the barn, before tumbling down onto the grass. I landed on top of Hanna with a thud, and a rough exhalation from Spencer.
"Ow." Hanna groaned out, laying on top of Spencer, or at least on her hip.
"Can you guys maybe get off me?" Spencer hissed out.
I pushed myself back off them, as soon as I was standing I turned back around to find the source of the noise. The raccoon had apparently managed to get on top of one of the trash cans, and subsequently brought it crashing down to the ground. It had scurried back into the shadows, and if the sound of leaves moving was any indication, into the bushes.
"What happened?" Emily's voice sounded, where she had finally come out of the barn, phone clasped in her hand like she was ready to call the police.
A giggle burst from my mouth, the ridiculousness of the situation setting in. I heard Hanna and Spencer joining in. The sound of our laughter covering any potential sounds of the wind in the trees or random animals in the bushes. I watched the shock on Emily's face, like she couldn't believe we were laughing when there was something dangerous happening. It only made me laugh more.
"A raccoon was looking in the garbage." Spencer finally got out, when Emily seemed like maybe she had taken too much from us.
"No need to call animal control. I think we scared it off." I continued, motioning to the phone that was seemingly halfway through dialing 911 already.
A smile teased at Emily's mouth, though she was pretending to be irritated with us.
"I'm going back to bed." she finally announced, unable to completely hide the laugh in her voice.
I could feel the smile on my face as I thought about what had happened the previous night. It was a little embarrassing that Jason had been able to hear it from his house, especially since that might also mean that Ali had heard us having a sleepover without her. That would likely not be the most fun to deal with, when she undoubtedly brought it up. I could feel the smile sliding off my face, before I focused back on the conversation with Jason.
"Apparently you have raccoons in the neighborhood." I informed him, taking a drink of my coffee.
An easy smile spread on his lips, revealing brilliant white teeth. The way that the relaxed smile still managed to brighten his eyes was a little distracting. I shook that thought away, not wanting to tread too deep in those thoughts just yet.
"That would explain the combination of crashes and giggling." he responded, face turning contemplative like he was deeply considering what he had heard the night before. "You know, you could have called a raincheck on brunch today."
"No, I wanted to come." I protested, not wanting him to think that I didn't want to spend time with him.
"We could have always waited for lunch, and maybe then you would've had a chance to sleep a little later." he offered, head tilting down slightly allowing the fringe of his hair to fall in front of his eyes.
I swear he was doing this on purpose. The little moments carefully designed to steal my breath. Breathing out slowly, I tried not to let on that it was affecting me. I was probably just overreacting. Jason had always been good looking, and when he looked at me like that, all full of care and concern. It was just a little too much.
"I can always nap later." I shrugged, trying to dismiss the thoughts that were distracting me.
"How has that been going?" he asked.
I'm sure the confusion showed on my face, as I didn't follow the train of thought at all. Had he realized how distracted I was? Maybe he just thought it was part of me not sleeping well last night.
"The sleeping? I know you've had some difficulties." he clarified, and I was surprised that he had noticed. "You've conked out pretty quickly with me, but you seem tired most days."
A small smile played on my lips, it was sweet that he had noticed that. I couldn't stop the warm feeling that was spreading through my chest, and I wasn't totally sure that I wanted to.
"I seem to do better napping than trying to sleep at night most days. But overall, it hasn't been too bad."
He looked down, moving his fork through his hashbrowns distractedly. There was something he was nervous about, or maybe embarrassed? I waited for him to say it, knowing that he would eventually spit it out.
"You could come over and crash with me, if it helps that is." I could see traces of his blush spreading across his cheekbones when he spoke.
My smile spread further, appreciating both the offer and his nerves about suggesting it. It was true that napping with Jason typically left me more rested than trying to sleep on my own. Even after coming face to face with Charles and the looming threat of him trying to take me back. Jason helped to make me feel safe, on days that I wasn't even sure that was possible.
Anxiety pressed up through the bubbly happy feeling, rising up to lock my throat. A thought that had been lingering in the back of my mind. Stirred up by the brochures that kept seeming to pop up in my life any moment that I felt secure. This morning that had meant when I grabbed my purse to get ready for brunch with Jason after getting home from Spencer's, the brochures falling out right in front of me. At least this time not involving Mike coming into my room before I could really consider what was in front of me.
"Umm, not today. But there was something I was hoping you might be able to help me with." I started, hesitant to ask for his help with this.
I had called this morning, seeing when they had an appointment. Just to talk through options, I told myself. I hadn't one hundred percent made a decision yet. But the nausea that threatened to crawl up my throat again, told me I was lying to myself.
"Actually nevermind, I'm sure you're busy." I backtracked, immediately regretting giving voice to my need.
I couldn't ask Jason to come with me to something like that. It was ridiculous. And way too far to ask. He already had enough going on in his life that he didn't need me piling on to it. I remembered him needing to disappear, to go off grid, in order to get things back under control when he was pushed too far. The unearned feeling of loneliness and fear of abandonment that went along with his absence. Dragging Jason between Charles and myself, that seemed to be enough to push him over the edge.
A large warm hand reached out and touched mine, skin a little rough but not heavily calloused sliding against the back of my hand and gently squeezing. My heart stilled in my chest, lungs quivering in anticipation. The easy soft release of his hand squeezing mine was enough to cause me to look up. Vision blurred from unexpected tears already forming in my eyes.
I watched his mouth move, the shape familiar on his lips. Something I had seen formed so many times before. But the sound of my blood racing through my ears was all I could hear. My breath released, lungs going back to functioning. The sound of the street, never the busiest on a Sunday in Rosewood, returning around me. Along with a soft breeze and birdsong. And Jason's voice.
"Aria? You with me?" he asked, his face twisted in concern.
Clearly focused on my face and reaction. I gave a nod, working on making my mouth move again. I could feel my lips moving, like I could say something. But my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and my voice stalled out in my throat.
"Aria, look at me." he repeated my name, making sure that he had my attention. "I can't promise that I will never be busy."
I could feel myself deflate at that. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. I knew deep down it was the mature response. There would always be things that came up in our lives that had to take precedent. It just stung to hear. I was already nodding along when he started again.
"But I can promise that I will do my best to help you. Just tell me what it is, and let me try." he finished, and the stabbing pain eased a little.
The eagerness in his voice and the honesty of that cut through the doubt. It wasn't the easy promises that I had heard before. The ones that were too hard to uphold and always left me crashing alone when I needed something just a step too far. It felt such a big ask right now, too important to be let down. I looked into Jason's eyes, hoping that this wouldn't break whatever this was.
"I set an appointment Tuesday, at 12:30." I had to force the words out, leaving them trembling in the air, waiting for the recognition to sink into his face. "I was hoping maybe you would come with me."
I waited the span of a breath. Anxiously watching if he understood. If he already knew what I meant. I forged ahead, needing to drive the point home to him. Make him leave this moment. Whatever offer of support this was.
"To the family planning center."
I waited. Wondering how he would respond. But his face stayed the same, like that hadn't just changed everything. I wasn't sure how it couldn't. How it wouldn't change the way that he saw me. Thought of me. And what type of person I was.
Terrified to breathe too loudly in case that was the last gust that blew this all over. Was that what I wanted? Him to leave me? Cut me out entirely? Go back to being just Ali's older brother? My heart squeezed, terrified of whatever came next.
"Okay, I just need to move a couple things around." his tone was too blasé, his reaction too close to his chest that I couldn't see what he really meant.
His brow had smoothed out, like the concern had just slipped away. And he leaned forward a little, like he was being reassuring? I didn't dare trust that. It was too much.
"Okay?" I asked, voice trembling, a step away from hysteria.
I tried to keep my voice down, not needing anyone passing to think he was breaking up with me or something. Jason kept eye contact, focused only on me and not anyone around us. He leaned forward and reached out with his other hand to cradle mine between his. He was actually reassuring me. This wasn't me misunderstanding or misreading.
"Okay, Aria." he repeated, like that was enough. I could feel my face creasing in confusion. "As long as it's okay with you, it's okay with me."
"You don't have an opinion? Or judgment?" my voice was quaking, I don't know why I was pushing him to say something. But I didn't trust this. Didn't trust that this was really his reaction. There had to be more.
"I'm not going to judge you, Aria. I don't have that right, and given what you've been through, no one else really does either." He leaned forward, brushing hair away from my face so that he could better look me in the eye. "You're the only one whose opinion really matters. It's your choice to make."
I felt my breath ease at the reassurance, feeling the tears that I wasn't really able to hold back sliding down my face. My mouth cracked into a small smile, like the fear of judgment that had been holding me down had been lifted.
"I care about you, Aria. You're what's important."
My chest seemed to shatter at that. A sob pulling out in a horrendous sound, as relief overwhelmed me. Jason was already basically bent over the table to reach out to me, but I bypassed the table and threw myself into his arms. Unable to continue looking at the open, honest expression on his face as he told me that. My face burrowed into his neck, smearing my tears against his skin and the collar of his shirt. It took him a fraction of a second to respond, barely long enough for me to doubt my movement, before his arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer.
I didn't care that we were undoubtedly causing a scene. One that I was bound to hear about later. In the moment, what mattered was that I had opened up what felt too close and he had been okay with it. That he didn't hate me. And would support me. No matter what.
***End Chapter***
So potentially a more controversial chapter this week, but I tried to lead gently up to it. Hope y'all enjoyed.