"How was your relationship with your dad?"

It was Grace's second session in therapy and like doctor Anderson said, they were gonna talk about her dad. The one and only: Peter Florrick.

"My relationship with my dad?." Grace smiled. "My dad was great. He was always the most handsome dad in the school meetings, he was tall and charming. Always gave me big hugs"

One of Grace's oldest memories was Peter picking her up from kindergarten and how she thought: My daddy is better than your daddy.

"He was kind to you?"

"Always. He never said 'no' to me. Anything I could've asked for, he said yes. I wanted ice cream for breakfast: 'Yes, sweetheart'. I wanted a pony for my 5th birthday: 'You got it, honey'. I wanted to skip school and go to work with him: 'You can sit at my desk, pumpkin'."

"You got a pony for your 5th birthday?" Doctor Anderson was surprised.

"Of course not. My dad would say yes and later he would send my mom to say no." Grace explained "He didn't want to be the bad guy."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I loved being his princess, I was his favorite; according to my brother. But it was always a shallow relationship. He would try to keep things 'light' with me. Give me a gift, tell me a dad joke. Even as I got older and I wanted to discuss a grown up topic with him, he would just agree with me and move on."

"Grown up topics?"

Grace laughed. "I used to bother him with my teen idealistic views. From the Israel-Palestine conflict to assisted death. He was a politician so he never shared an opinion when he didn't have to. He wanted everyone to like him without really knowing him."

"You feel like you didn't know him?"

"I didn't know him." Grace replied. "You know, both my grandfathers died relatively young. My mom always describes her dad as the kindest man. And my dad said the judge was an honorable man. I wonder if they were really like that or if it's just the way my parents chose to remember them."

"The human brain can change memories, because we need to survive, to cope, to move on. It's natural to 'select better' memories. Tell me a memory of your dad"

Grace closed her eyes, she could see her dad making a pineapple upside-down cake in the kitchen with her and Zach. But the memory went away quickly, the image of Peter being arrested took its place. "The bad stuff keeps coming back."

"What's the bad stuff?"

"When my dad was arrested, the first time. For allegedly taking bribes in money and prostitutes" Grace said. "I was a kid, I didn't even know what sex was; let alone what a prostitute was. I didn't quite understand what he did but I knew he hurt mom. I could hear her crying in her room. We had to move out of our home, change schools. Being the new kids in school with your dad involved in a sex scandal wasn't fun. Did you see the video of me saying: 'It was one hooker' over and over again?"

"I don't think I did."

"They made it into a remix on YouTube. It was a riot."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I was angry and embarrassed by something I hardly understood. But also sad because I didn't have my dad, he was in jail but it was his fault." Grace frowned "But my family, they...they insisted that we should forgive dad. Because he lied but he wasn't a liar, he cheated on mom but he wasn't a cheater. He wasn't a bad man, he was a man who made a mistake."

"You didn't want to forgive him?"

"Not at first, I wanted to be tough. Don't go so easy on him for what he did to mom. It didn't matter tho, when we visited him in prison I ran straight to his arms."

"Did you forgive him then?"

"Eventually. He said all the right things, he apologized, he said he wanted his family back more than anything." Grace shrugged. "That was the narrative."

"The narrative?"

"The narrative was: 'We are a family and we are all gonna get through this together. No matter what.' I remember being on the phone lying to the cops while Zack was breaking the home arrest transmitter with his skateboard because dad left the apartment running after mom."

"Did that happen often? Lying for your dad?"

"All the time. But it wasn't presented as lying, it was supporting dad or mom; protecting the

family. You don't tell your friends your dad and mom are separated; it's nobody business, you

don't know who they're gonna tell."

"Sounds like a tough position for a teen girl." The therapist said. "Being compromised like that."

"You get used to it, to a certain point. Besides, Mom was doing it too, she was leading by example. She was by his side during the trial, during all the campaigns, not only as his wife but also in his legal team several times. Zack too, he volunteered for his campaign, defending dad online or in school, he was so happy and proud to vote for dad and he even testified in court for him. So my hesitation eventually went away. I was team Peter for better or worse." Grace sighed "And it got worse."

"The second arrest?" The therapist asked.

"See? It's a good thing you know who I am. But no, earlier than that." Grace said with a crooked smile. "It was the summer before my senior year of high school, when my dad told the family that he was gonna run for president. I expressed some concern about my parents pretending to be married for a nationwide campaign. My dad told me he wasn't gonna do anything unless we as a family decided together. Once again I got the: Whatever you want sweetheart. Then my mom pretty much told me we had to."

Grace could see herself at 17 years old, leaning against the kitchen island and Alicia telling her how important it was to support Peter…again.

"So we had 3 campaigns in 7 years; 4 if you count my mom's. I knew what to expect from my classmates, teachers, and friends. I was treated differently right away, everyone got more friendly, more accommodating. Being friends with the first family has its perks, even in my private school where most kids came from wealthy families, a presidential candidate had a certain cache."

"Were you okay with the special treatment?"

"Of course. Everyone wanted to sit next to me, they wanted to help me with my homework, go to the movies with me, join my bible group. But I knew I had to keep my guard up and not say anything. I knew it wasn't real." the lawyer said. "It was the usual: Photo op, going to public events, meeting potential donors… My 18th birthday was fake!"

"Fake how?"

"My dad lived in a different apartment for years, at the beginning of the campaign he moved back to our apartment to impress a donor who was all about family values. My parents invited her to my 'birthday dinner'" Grace made quote signs. "We sat there pretending to be happy. Dad was only focusing on getting the money, my mom was drunk and I just smiled and nodded."

"Your mom used to drink in those situations?"

"Oh that's too much of a tangent to go into it right now."

"Alright." The therapist wrote it down to not forget to get back to it. "And you went along with it?"

"Of course! I was part of the team, I was a pro. I remember being so proud when the donor asked me if it was really my birthday and I quickly replied: 'it's next week', I felt like I saved the day."

"Did you get positive reinforcement from this?"

"My dad told me I did a good job. And of course, you know, I got new things."

"He bought you gifts." The therapist ventured to guess.

"Dad gave me his credit card and I got myself a new MacBook because why not?" the lawyer then she took a moment. "Some days I think we only helped dad because we liked the high status."

"What happened inside the family when your dad didn't get the nomination?"

"After Iowa everything calmed down, for a while. I focus on getting into college, school tours, applications, internships, all that. I was completely blindsided when dad got arrested again."

Grace was brought back to that night. She was at Jackie's apartment, helping with her upcoming nuptials, under Alicia's orders. Grace later figured out that her parents knew about the imminent arrest and they kept her out of the apartment that night to protect her, so she couldn't witness the arrest, but Grace saw it anyway. First on her phone when she got texts from friends with links to the multiple videos, then she saw it on TV on the 9 o'clock news and again in the 11 o'clock news. She remembers being on her phone with Alicia reassuring her that everything was gonna be okay, she should stay with Jackie for the night.

"I was confused. Why was this happening again? I was told my dad was a good man who made a mistake. And yet, here he was again, accused of corruption. No way."

"You didn't believe the allegations against him?"

"I thought it was a mistake. It had to be" Grace said. "We all helped him before, mom was still helping him, but they didn't believe in him this time."

"They?"

"Our family. Grandma Jackie, his own mother, cared more about her wedding. My brother Zack announced he was dropping out of college and moving to France before the trial started. And my mom was standing by dad's side publicly but also decided to divorce him as soon as it was all over. They were all moving on." Grace frowned "I was told to move on too. But I wanted to stay with dad, stay in Chicago during the trial and beyond; because dad was a good guy and this was a mistake."

"You believe in your dad."

"Of course I believed in my dad. They all told me I should believe in him for years and now everyone was giving up. And I got no answers. My dad was condescending with me, just kept telling me everything was gonna be okay. My mom was in his legal team burning bridges to save my dad from going to prison, but giving me the clear message: 'he's not worth it'" Grace clenched her fists. "I was so confused, angry…I was heartbroken. But I was a good girl, so I did as I was told. I left for my summer internship at Berkeley."

Grace took a break, she unclenched her fist, took a deep breath and continued.

"Dad called me a month later and told me he had a new job in a big company.. I realized then that it was all true, my dad was a bad guy, and his reward for not snitching during the trial was a big shot executive job from his rich friends"

"And how did you feel then?"

"I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out." Grace said.

"Did you talk to him about it?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I knew he wouldn't give me a real answer. But also, dad gave me more news, he was engaged and I had a baby sister." Grace laughed. "Don't do the math between my parents divorce and my sister's birth."

"I see."

"Either way. Once I met Angie, I was determined to protect her, being a good older sister, being in her life, because I was sure dad would screw up again. So my relationship with my dad was just shallow. Don't talk about the past, don't ever look back. A hug, a photo, whatever, I'm here for my sister. I pretended to be okay, until I convinced myself I was okay."

"And then he got arrested a third time."

"We all knew it was a matter of time. But I didn't think it would cost him his life."

"When your father died, how did you take it?"

When Peter was murdered, it was big news, national news. It was a big case, he makes bail and he's murdered 2 hours later. The violence in Chicago, conspiracy theories, was the mob? Deep state? His wife? What did he know? Grace was the one who had to face the media and the public. Alicia divorced him, his new wife was too new, Zach was away and Jackie was too fragile. Grace read the statements, gave the eulogy, shook hands and received all the 'Sorry for your loss'.

"Oh publicly, it was so easy."

"Easy?"

"It was like a campaign; I showed up and performed. Tell them what they wanted to hear." Grace stared at empty space. She remembered The Chicago Tribune article: 'Disgraced governor' She got a kick out of that sentence.

"Privately how did you feel?"

Grace bit her lip "I hated him for fucking things up again."

"Hm."

"I'm not saying he deserved it, or that he had it coming. But he got a second chance, he got a new family, all he had to do was be a good man and he couldn't do it. He had to get a little bit more power, a little more money." Grace raised her voice. "And they killed him for it."

"Your dad's murder hasn't been solved"

"And it will never be solved. There isn't enough evidence!." Grace realized her tone, she tried to calm herself down. She covered her face with her hands. "He wasn't a good man, that's all. Maybe I'm just a hypocrite. I took the name, the money, and the status when it was convenient. I still do. Maybe I'm just exaggerating."

Grace looked up.

"You keep dismissing your feelings." Doctor Anderson told her. "It's clear you were taught that at an early age and now you need to unlearn it." The doctor then looked at the clock. "Grace, our time is almost over."

"Oh."

"I'm gonna leave you homework." Dr. Anderson told her. "I want you to write down 5 times when your dad hurt you."

Grace frowned. "Okay."

"Just write them down in a notebook, or on your computer. Got it?"

"Sure."

"See you next week."