Summary: Olivia is still reeling in the aftermath of Fitz's betrayal.
It has been two days, two whole days, since her world had turned upside down. It felt like an alien had invaded her body. Sleeping and waking up next to the man who brought her pain didn't provide her haunted mind much comfort despite knowing his heart was remorseful. She was angry. Very angry with him for what he did. He broke them; broke her and she didn't know what to do about that. Should she tell someone or keep it bottled up? It was easier if the latter was done.
Since the incident she hadn't spoken to any of her friends or family, too afraid that they would hear the hurt in her voice and she wasn't ready to divulge such a secret as yet, if ever. Fitz was the golden boy in their eyes. For her father to even like him as a son while he was shacking up with his daughter was a huge feat in and of itself. With two daughters, two years apart, Marley Pope didn't play any games where they were concerned. He raised them to be strong and fearless women, providing and expecting nothing but the best for them – starting with their education and ending with their emotional well-being. He was concerned that his baby girls were happy and treated right and Fitz, for the most part, did that successfully up until now.
She needed to get her mind right and figure out her next move. Their next move. Sadly, that was easier wished than done as her mind continued to race with questions she did not have answers for. As Olivia stared through the floor length window of their high-rise penthouse apartment in a daze, she realized that she couldn't spend another night at home wondering what she did wrong to deserve such pain. Wondering if something about her pushed him to cheat? What was it? Her mind questioned over and over. Am I not good enough? She was never one to question her self-worth ever since she was 12-years-old and came home from school in tears because some girls made fun of her ebony coily locs. Her mother, Celine Pope, made her sit in front of a vanity mirror and had her recite "I am beautiful and wonderfully made" over and over till she believed it. But now, in her thirty-sixth year, she was questioning if she was. Because if she was her boyfriend of five plus years wouldn't have cheated on her with his leggy blonde secretary, right? Olivia knew she was driving herself crazier with these thoughts and that was all she had done for the past two days since she'd called out sick from work. She couldn't fathom going through an entire day in her current emotional state without her normal stoic image cracking in front of her coworkers. Heartaches constituted as sickness, right? The pain it brought was immeasurable to mind, body and soul.
Sighing for what felt like the tenth time within a space of a minute, she continued her mindless observation of the other high rise buildings in her view. Some were much higher than hers while some were lower, affording her a clear view of the Hudson River. From a distance, she could see boats dotting the river as they made their way across the gray water. She needed to get out of here, her mind reminded. Luckily, she knew just who to call.
Olivia's driver dropped her off at her sister's apartment building around 5 PM. When her sister, Nicole, opened her door the two embraced as though they had not seen each other a few days earlier for their customary Sunday brunch, back when things were fine between her and Fitz. It was just the way they greeted each other. She reveled in the comfort of her sister's long thin arms, fighting the urge to spill her guts on the spot.
"I was beginning to wonder if your phone got lost or stolen or sumthin'. Luckily, Fitz said you've been busy," Nicole stated casually, leading the way to her living room as though her sister's disappearance was normal. Olivia followed observing her sister's lab coat on the floor, which meant she had come in late from the hospital because that was the only way she would ever leave it in the middle of the floor like that.
"When did you talk to Fitz?" Olivia questioned, hoping that she didn't sound too eager. It wasn't uncommon for her sister and boyfriend to have phone conversations occasionally but with the way things currently were between them she was just surprised that he had spoken to her sister recently. But then again no one else knew what was going on between them. Well, except for his skanky secretary. Olivia exhaled loudly to forcefully push that unwanted thought out of her head and luckily, her sister responded at that moment serving as a timely distraction.
"Yea, earlier today. Anywho, so how come you're home?" That was Nicole all right, to move things right along. She was always in her own bubble so sometimes it was hard for her to see something amiss unless it was on her face.
Olivia simply shrugged her shoulder and said, "using up all those rolled over vacation hours. Speaking of which, I need a drink! Can't be on a vacay" she gestured air quotes "without a drink."
Nicole smiled, "speaking my kind of language. I need one just as much as you."
"Rough shift?" Olivia moseyed over to the expansive wine collection in the built-in wine cellar at the side of her sister's pantry, which was bigger than the pantry itself.
"You won't even believe it." She sighed and began a detailed summary of her busy 15-hours shift working in the trauma ward. Olivia hung on to every word she spoke as it served as a much-needed distraction from her personal life.
A few hours later...
Olivia was already pretty tipsy and they hadn't even arrived at the upscale bar and lounge, thanks to her sister. With her doing most of the talking Olivia did most of the drinking as she casually tossed out an "mmhmm " or an "uh-huh" every so often. She had a valid excuse for her premature intoxication. The alcohol numbed her pain and made her somewhat feel like her normal self.
"Here, put this on, pleaseeee!" Olivia said giddily, pushing her iPhone through the partition opening of the town car.
"What song is that?" Nicole asked, finding her normally put together sister's tipsy demeanor very funny. Normally, that was her job being the youngest and free spirit. Even when she went to Med School and her sister became a Fashion Editor their roles have never switched. But tonight she was seeing a different side of her that was both funny and mildly concerning. However, this Olivia was so much fun so she was going to let it slide.
"Beyoncé's new album!" Olivia chuckled as though it was the funniest thing in the world as she threw her head back onto the leather backrest and started gyrating her hips to the slow classical music that was still coming through the speakers.
"I don't know what Fitz is doing to you but he needs to pull back some. Have you out here acting a damn fool," Nicole joked but Olivia groaned.
"Please… Please don't say his name. Tonight is about us having fun. Ok?"
Her statement raised a bright red flag in Nicole's mind because anyone who knew her sister knows that she was never one to pass up on an opportunity to speak about her man. Sometimes to the point where she had to tell her to shut up because it was nauseating. Her statement didn't sound right to Nicole but she gave her a cool "ok."
The upscale bar was moderately full seeing that it was only early in the evening and most club goers had yet to leave their homes. Nevertheless, Olivia and Nicole were having a good time dancing and drinking the night away. The second glass of their bartender-suggested cocktail left both ladies feeling limber and airy.
The perfect song was playing too, as it reflected Olivia's mood in light of recent happenings. All day Fitz had called her phone but she wasn't in the mood to speak to him. She needed a moment where she wasn't thinking about him or remembering his betrayal.
He trying to roll me up (I ain't sorry)
I ain't picking up (I ain't sorry)
Headed to the club (I ain't sorry)
I ain't thinking 'bout you (I ain't sorry)
Sorry, I ain't sorry
Sorry, I ain't sorry
I ain't sorry
She wasn't sorry that she was ignoring him. She wasn't sorry that he had no idea where she was. By now he probably thinks she had left him and she should've; it was the sane thing to do even if it was the most difficult. She had to admit that the mere thought of doing so pained her because not being with him, hurts more than his unfaithfulness. What does that say about her? She wondered as she tried to lose herself in the music. Was she that stupid and weak? She felt stupid and weak, she concluded.
As Beyonce's vocal cords continued blaring through the speakers in seamless harmony, Olivia was having a blast pretending that Fitz was standing in front of her as she did what the music instructed and held both middle fingers up above her head while swaying in time to the beat.
"tell 'em, boys, bye"
But then, a strong pair of arms grabbed her from behind, breaking her flow just as her sister's wide expressive eyes could alert her of the intruder. On a regular night, she would've pushed him away but tonight wasn't a regular night so she continued dancing but this time on the stranger with the large hands to her sister's befuddlement. She didn't even want to see his face because if she did, she would feel guilty for dancing with another man. The irony that such a small act would make her feel unfaithful and would no doubt enrage Fitz had he been there. He disliked when other men looked at her with interest moreover touching her. The thought made her snicker. This wasn't her, all right... but this wasn't them either, but yet, there they were.
Now at the bar, the sisters were nursing two mojitos while they fought off the attention of unwanted suitors swarming them. Nicole was on a man cleanse so she wasn't the slightest interested in the likes of any of them; she had no problem turning them down. Olivia, on the other hand, had finally gotten rid of her dance partner a few minutes prior who was actively trying to buy her a drink and get her number but after several polite attempts of telling him she wasn't interested, Nicole, not so politely told him that she was taken and he finally backed off, in which Olivia had to resist the urge to snuff at. She wanted to say that she didn't belong to anyone despite knowing that would be a lie.
"What's going on with you tonight?" Nicole asked above the music, seeing her sister already signaling the bartender for a new drink while her current one was still half full was worrying. Something had to be bothering her.
"What you mean?" Olivia was purposely being obtuse, even in her very tipsy state of mind she knew what her sister was getting at. This loud, drinking till she was stupid drunk and dancing with strange men wasn't her.
"Don't let me spell it out because I will." Nicole quirked a perfectly waxed eyebrow at her sister but she rolled her eyes in annoyance, which didn't deter Nicole from saying, "you, dancing with strange men for one -"
Taking a sip from the short black straw in her drink, Olivia swallowed the fruit flavored liquor before returning haughtily, "What's wrong with that? It's not like I'm going to fuck him!"
"That may be true. But since when do you dance with strange men, Miss. Drunk in Love?"
Olivia rolled her eyes again and proceeded to take another sip of her drink. She knew she was being rude to her sister when she didn't deserve it. Before she could apologize she felt her phone vibrating in her purse, again. She already knew who it was. That was probably the tenth time he had called for the night and she still wasn't going to answer. He should've known by now not to waste his time calling.
After sipping the last of her drink, Olivia got up slowly onto her stiletto clad feet and placed her hand on the side of the bar top to steady herself before announcing, "I'm going to the restroom. Watch my purse please." Without waiting for a response from Nicole she handed over the small black quilted Chanel purse and retreated towards the bathroom area.
Meanwhile, at the bar, Nicole was still trying to figure out what was wrong with her sister. Usually, when her sister called to hang out she couldn't stop rambling about what has been going on in her life. Contrarily to how she had been behaving since she arrived at her place hours ago. If she wasn't scowling she was drinking and if she wasn't drinking she was dancing and singing loudly and she was a very self-conscious singer. Something wasn't right and she was determined to get to the bottom of it before the night ended. Her sister could be a closed reservoir when she got ready but she was going to pull it out of her. The incessant buzzing from the inside of the black quilted purse caught her attention and she opened it to retrieve the phone, quickly realizing that it was Fitz calling from the caller ID. With the music blaring in the background, it made it very difficult for her to hear so she grabbed their stuff and moved towards the bathroom stalls where it was much quieter.
"Hey," she greeted, finally accepting his call before it went to voicemail.
"Olivia," his voice came over desperate and filled with anguish.
"No, it's Nicole, Fitz," she returned.
"Oh. Where's Livvie?" He asked immediately, trying to mask his disappointment.
Although slightly put off by his brusqueness she replied nonetheless, "she's in the - wait, she's right here," she restated when the door to the women's bathroom revealed her sister's svelte figure. "Hold on." Thrusting the gold phone in her hand towards her sister, she joked, "Your nontraditional hubby is tracking you down."
Immediately, Olivia felt a chill run down her spine at the mention of Fitz's name. Then anger flared up because she didn't want to speak to him and she didn't want to have to answer any questions from her sister when she ended his call. She ended the call regardless. She would rather her sister's interrogation over speaking to him.
"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you tonight?" Nicole had had it with her sister's attitude and she needed to find out what was going on. Somehow she knew that it all stemmed down to Fitz. That much was obvious. But what did he do? That was the mystery.
"Don't want to talk about it," Olivia said with finality in her voice before making her way back to the bar area where she was sure to drown more of her sorrows. She needed to take off the edge of his last phone call. She needed to forget his betrayal. Him...
The sparkling lights of New York City reflected on the heavily tinted window of the private car as it transported the two sisters back to Nicole's Brooklyn home. Half an hour earlier, Nicole had to almost physically wrestle her sister out of the bar before she'd put herself in a liquor-induced coma. Since the phone call incident with Fitz, Nicole had purposefully cut herself off from drinking so that she could keep a watchful eye out for her sister seeing that she wasn't her usual self. Now that they were in the safety of the town car, her sister was having an emotional meltdown. She was sobbing so loudly that it scared the bejeezus out of Nicole. Her mind and intuition couldn't stop telling her that something was terribly wrong with her older sister but she still didn't know what. Taking both of her hands in hers, Nicole probed gently, "Tell me what's wrong, Liv?" She watched as she started to speak but then a hiccup interrupted her words. She was a blubbering mess between slurring her words and the hiccups, so it was very hard understanding what she was saying.
But then she said, "Fitz cheated on me," and Nicole was able to hear that clearly, too clearly. A chill took over her body as she grasped what her inebriated sister confessed. "HE WHAT! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Nicole bellowed, which only made Olivia cry harder – snot running down her nose and her makeup smeared as she remembered. "When? How? With who?" Nicole's mind was reeling as she couldn't comprehend that Fitz, the guy who kisses the ground her sister walks on, would ever think about cheating on her moreover doing so.
Olivia removed her hands from her sister's strong grip and brought it to her face as a form of self-preservation. It was just too much for her to share, to handle. She felt naked and the pain was too real. The nice tipsy high she got from the alcohol was long gone and now she was faced with the emotional upheaval of drunkenness and her tongue was plagued with a drunk man's honesty so she couldn't resist pouring out her heart to her sister in a moment of vulnerability. She told Nicole what he'd told her that it happened a few weeks ago while he was on a business trip with his secretary and how he said he was tipsy when it happened and that as soon as she started performing oral sex on him, he stopped and they didn't finish because he realized what he was doing and promised that was the only sexual thing they'd done.
"So is the bitch still working with him?" Nicole asked, interrupting her.
"I don't know, I didn't ask," Olivia confessed, she was too heartbroken to even think so far. It was already painful listening to him recount what had transpired. But sooner or later she was going to move out of the pain and would have to confront him with these questions. But for now, she was just trying to forget it ever happened. She was in the stage of disbelief and anger.
"So what are you going to do?" Nicole's voice was laced with anger and pain, empathizing with her sister. For all the bad relationships she had seen her sister go through in the past, she finally thought that she was in good hands with Fitz. It was a shame that she thought wrong.
"I don't know," Olivia admitted somberly. Right now what she wanted, was to forget. Because if she forgot what happened she won't feel pain.
Nicole enveloped her into a hug and held her tightly. "I'm here for you. You'll get through this," she promised and she was going to see that she did. For all the time her sister has had her back now was the time for her to return the favor, and she would, without fail.
x
In the city that never sleeps, it was never fully quiet even in the dead of night. Olivia woke around two feeling groggy, her throat was dry and a dull headache was ever present in the dimly lit room. She looked to the nightstand for the glass of water she had vaguely remembered her sister putting there while she helped her get ready for bed. Seeing that it was indeed there she sat up and grabbed it. After taking a long gulp of water, Olivia returned the glass onto the nightstand. Even in the wee hours of the morning the strong reminder of why she was sleeping in her sister's guest room haunted her. She needed a mental distraction. Her powered off phone was also on the nightstand so she retrieved it and held down the power button to turn it on. Her plan was to lose herself in a game of Fruit Ninja, also, bracing herself for the barrage of missed calls and text messages that he was sure to leave. And she wasn't wrong. The minute her phone regained signal the notifications kept popping in and she did her best to navigate to the game app without clicking on any of it.
Five minutes into swiping fruits with her right index finger her mind had already wandered towards him. She was itching to know what he had been up to while simultaneously not wanting to. Subsequently, her curiosity got the best of her and she exited out of the gaming app and clicked on the messaging one. She observed messages from her assistant, her mom, even Nicole had sent her a text from yesterday that she hadn't opened and some from her friends. She ignored those and clicked on the five unopened text messages from him.
From: HoneyBun, Friday 10:02 AM: Hey, I was wondering if we can go out for dinner? Any place you want, even that weird sushi place, lol. I love you more than everything in this world, Livvie.
From: HoneyBun, Friday 12:55 PM: You didn't answer your phone. Let me know about dinner.
From: HoneyBun, Friday 2:38 PM: Babe, I'm getting worried now. Call me or text me let me now you're ok. If dinner is too soon, I understand. Just let me know you are good.
From: HoneyBun, Friday 6:30 PM: I guess that's a no for dinner then? As much as it sucks I understand. It's my fault. At home and you're not here. Where are you?
From: HoneyBun, Saturday 12:45 AM: I know you probably need some space right now and I understand but please come home. Our home is not the same without you. I love you and I'm so very sorry for what I did. Please give me another chance to fix this. I promise to fix it. Whatever you need me to do I will do it.
It wasn't until the very last text that she allowed the tears to fall. Realizing that he had texted her a little over an hour ago was comforting to know he couldn't sleep either. Maybe, after all, they could fix this. Build a more fortified foundation for their relationship. As she laid in the semi-dark room, holding onto the sleek smartphone, her emotions assailed her senses.
A few hours later after she had cried herself to sleep and had awoken, she felt significantly lighter. She didn't know whether it had to do with the sunlight streaming through the window or the fact that she could smell her sister's famous French toast from the kitchen. Or, it probably had to do with waking up without a hangover. Whichever Supreme Being that was out there was looking out for her and had probably felt sympathy towards her seeing that she already had so much on her plate. She was grateful. So after relieving her bladder, she washed her face and brushed her teeth with the spare toothbrush in the guest bathroom and gotten redressed in the pair of navy blue jeans and white T-shirt that she'd worn on her way over to her sister's, she finally made her way to the kitchen where Nicole was just finishing up their breakfast. Kissing her cheek good morning, she fell in stride and helped with plating the bacon and eggs and pouring the fresh orange juice into two 8oz. glasses. Once they were finished, the sisters moved to the small dining room table that sat four and enjoyed a quiet breakfast.
"What time do you have to go to work?" Olivia asked, trying to make small talk, stalling the inevitable conversation that she was sure to be having before breakfast was over.
"I called out," Nicole stated matter-of-factly, continuing to stare at her sister who was acting as though she didn't confess something huge to her last night.
"Why did you do that?" Olivia asked in between sips of her orange juice, knowing that was probably unwise since she had a very important job.
"You know why. So what do you want to do today?" Nicole continued to ask instead of elaborating on why she chose to call out from work. It was self-explanatory, really…
"That's not necessary, Nicole. You didn't have to do that." Nicole simply shrugged her silk covered shoulders. "Besides, I have this gala to attend tonight for Fitz's parents' annual fundraiser for their non-profit organization."
"Do you need me to go as your plus one?" Nicole questioned.
Olivia hoped her sister was joking but the serious expression on her face told her she wasn't. Exhaling, she covered her face with her right hand and closed her eyes for a brief second before reopening them to address the elephant in the room. She needed to clear the air before her sister ran off with the wrong idea. So she began, "I remembered what I said last night and I honestly didn't want anyone to know. This is something I wanted to handle just between Fitz and me. I'm sorry I dragged you in."
Nicole was hurt that she didn't intentionally entrust her pain into her hands but she did her best to hide it. It wasn't about her, she reminded herself. "So, you expected us not to ask you anything when you broke up with him?
Olivia sighed before carefully answering, "I am not breaking up with him. We're going to work this out." Even as she said it she felt tears threatening to shroud her eyes. It was easier said than done. The road before seemed so intimidating.
"What do you mean you are not breaking up? Liv, are you crazy? He cheated on you! Hello! Do you remember your ex who did the same thing?"
Olivia sucked in a deep breath as the unpleasant reminder of the last guy she had dated before Fitz who had cheated on her. Honestly, she was more relieved than hurt when he did because she saw the expiration date on that relationship even before she had checked in. But with Fitz, it was much more complicated and different. She couldn't resolve herself to walk away and throw away all that they had built even though he had treated it carelessly with his foolish action.
"You're not going to understand," Olivia started evenly. "I love Fitz, I'm in love with him and I don't see that stopping anytime soon. He's remorseful for his action and he's willing to fight to repair us and as painful as it is right now, I'm going to let him."
"I can't believe you right now!" Nicole rose abruptly from her seat and started shaking her head at her older sister as she grabbed their dirty dishes. "It's like all the things you've been through is for nothing. I can't believe you're gonna let him walk all over you like you're some stupid chick. Come the fuck on, sis!"
Olivia also rose from her seat; disliking the tone her sister was talking to her in. "I'm not letting anyone walk over me! It is my choice to make! And quite frankly, I am done discussing this! Like I said, this is between me and Fitz," she stated defensively. "And I'll appreciate if you tell no one about it, including mom and dad." She could almost kick herself for getting so drunk last night and admitting things that she would later regret.. It wasn't that she didn't trust her sister she just didn't want to have to deal with the fall out of them falling out with Fitz while they were trying to repair their relationship. In her mind, it would be a whole lot easier if it was just between the two of them.
An hour later, when she was just about to leave her sister's apartment, Nicole surprised her when she hugged her goodbye and told her that she would keep it between them but she wasn't promising not to kick Fitz's ass when she sees him. Olivia sighed in relief before finally leaving for home, mentally thinking that she would join in on the ass kicking too.
After beating the late morning traffic rush, she arrived home a little after ten. The penthouse was quiet but she knew Fitz was home as his set of keys was in the soul bowl at the entrance of their living room when she dropped hers into it. She took in the sparsely decorated room. It looked almost unlivable even though a few days ago broken glass littered the floor.
After depositing her overnight bag in the laundry room, she made her way to their master suite steeling herself for what was to come. Does she explain to him where she was for the better part of a day? Did he deserve to even know? On one hand, she was like no and on the other, she thought it was best to loop him in? After all, she had promised to give him another chance, right? Despite her words in the closet, she felt like going the silent route. Make him suffer. He deserves to suffer.
But, when she first got into the expansive room he was nowhere to be found until she heard the shower running through the slightly ajar door. She moved stealthily towards the bathroom door so that she could observe him undetected. From her vantage point, she could see his muscular silhouette through the fiberglass door of the walk in shower. He was currently washing out the shampoo from his hair, most likely hers, because according to him it smelt really nice and left his hair super soft and shiny. She always threatened to fight him over it but now a little shampoo paled significantly to what they were dealing with.
"Fuck!" Olivia almost jumped out of her skin when Fitz cursed aloud. Her heart was beating rapidly inside of the walls of her chest cavity at his unexpected outburst. "Fuckin' idiot!" This time, he didn't only curse but slammed his palms against the tile wall of their bathroom. Her heart was now in her throat as she watched him through the slightly open door – through the fiberglass wall and steam, her vision was mostly obscured but she was still able to make out his gestures. She watched as he began repeatedly slamming his palms against the wall. The action creating frightening echoes in the room. "Fuckin' stupid idiot!" His voice cracked as he continued chanting his self-directed rebukes, verbally reprimanding himself. Over and over he continued to chastise himself until his exterior cracked and a loud wail escaped his lips and he burst into tears. The scene made Olivia extremely emotional because not too often did she hear him cry. A hand swiftly covered her mouth to stop the sob threatening to escape violently from her throat. Standing stock-still at the bathroom door she debated whether or not to go in…
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