Summary: Fitz reveals why he was unfaithful and an unknown person who will not be seen again entertains Olivia.
She couldn't take it anymore. The sound of his tears beckoned her heart like a beggar on a cold winter night, seeking shelter from the harsh cold seeping into their bones. The choice was hers to make. Should she give into his silent plea or walk away pretending like it didn't exist? It was easier if her feet did the latter. But before she knew what she was doing she had opened the door to the bathroom and her feet betraying, led her in.
Fully clothed sans her ballet flats, she entered into the bathroom with him. To offer… comfort? She wasn't sure of that, but her body seemed to be behaving on its own accord – acting on its own volition. It wasn't until she wrapped her arms around his waist that he realized that he wasn't alone any longer. The action initially startled him but once realization set it, he pulled her in into his arms – bringing her under the lukewarm fountain with him. His tears continued to flow. For minutes, hours, a millennium they stayed like this unmovable. If she closed her eyes tight enough and hold him tighter she could almost forget his betrayal. She could almost picture that her heartache was at the hands of someone else and he was comforting her. It was funny how the heart can twist things in its favor, have you believe what you want to believe instead of what was factual.
From being so close to him an unexplainable urge took over Olivia to prove herself, her soaked body became flushed and she was beginning to feel warm and fuzzy in places that she shouldn't feel, given the circumstance. Acting purely on emotions, she brought his face down to hers and began kissing him. She pressed her lips onto his and forced his mouth open with her tongue. Nothing about the kiss was gentle.
Fitz was confused with her actions and tried to pull away but she held him tightly as she continued to assault his lips with her own. When that wasn't enough, she pried her mouth away from his and dropped unceremoniously onto her knees, taking a hold of his manhood with her right hand and began stroking him slowly. On the inside, she felt like she was drowning and was trying to hold on to anything that would save her, save them – to discover something that would help her understand and make sense of the situation. She was desperate… so she gave more of herself when she shouldn't have to.
"Liv, what are you doing?" Fitz asked in a much more alert frame of mind. He was confused that one moment they were crying in each other's arms and then another she was trying to go down on him.
"Isn't this what you want?" she asked sincerely, looking up at him while her hand continued to stroke his hardening length. Despite how awkward the situation was she was relieved to see that she could still arouse him.
"Liv. Baby, don't do this," he pleaded gently, pulling back from her. The water from the shower had completely drenched her, making her clothes cling to her skin. The outline of her nipples was pressing tightly against her white T-shirt.
His rejection stung and she barked. "What's wrong? Don't you like the way I suck your cock? Is this why you cheated on me?"
He stared at her blankly but said nothing.
Seeing his refusal to entertain her advances or questions, Olivia rose from her knees before he could wound her any further and slapped him. "Tell me, Fitz! Don't I satisfy your needs?" She stared unwaveringly into his bloodshot eyes as he held onto his stinging cheek.
Instead of answering her, she watched as he shut off the water they'd had running wastefully and stepped out of the shower. She followed behind. He grabbed a fluffy white towel from their towel warmer and hand it to her while grabbing another to conceal his nakedness. Once he was modest enough he finally answered. "You satisfy me plenty." Even to his own ears, he had to know how weak that sounded even though it was probably the truth. But in light of recent revelations, it sounded like a weak lie.
A humorless chuckle escaped Olivia's lips. It was unbelievable what her life had become, really… Never has she felt more off kilter. She felt every emotion course through her being. She had no response to his answer so she began peeling off the wet clothes that clung to her skin. Silently, she watched him as she undressed physically; simultaneously putting on layers to cover her emotionally. The hole in her heart grew.
x
A few hours later…
Normally, she would've called her hairstylist over when she had a big event to attend. But tonight Olivia had taken the extra time to sit in front of her vanity to do her own hair and makeup. She needed the time alone with her thoughts but it wasn't doing any good. The scrutiny in which she studied her reflection almost made her pity herself, until a phone call from her mother had pulled her out of her stupor. Speaking to the woman who had carried her for nine months and raised her for 18 years gave her back a sense of self and who she was. She prided herself as a warrior, a shrewd businesswoman, a good sister, caring daughter, loving partner and loyal friend. That was whom she was and she wasn't going to let his infidelity define her. With that mental burst of energy, Olivia felt better than she had in days.
As she studied her finish look in the mirror, she held her head a little bit higher. The front of her hair was French braided into a crown while her remaining hair fell down her shoulders in waves that the heated wand created. Her face was neutrally made up save for her scarlet red lips. It was her secret weapon in the muted look.
From the vanity, she moved into her walk in closet that she was adamant to have, given the space of their 3-bedroom apartment. She stood observing rows and rows of designer clothes hanging neatly in color-coordinated blocks and season before settling on the lone garment bag hanging in between her formal dresses. She grabbed the bag and unzipped it, revealing a charcoal Amsale gown. Gauzy tulle was deftly shirred and wrapped around the illusion-shoulder bodice and through the hips to create a flattering dimension on this demure mermaid gown and was finished with a diaphanous floor-brushing flare. It wasn't usually her style but the minute she had first tried it on she knew that it would've worked well for this evening. At least that was one thing that will.
Thirty-five minutes later, she was ready. Grabbing the beaded purse from her purse rack, she made her exit.
x
Fitz's POV
He was alerted to her presence by the clicking sound of her heels against the hardwood floors of their apartment. Rising up from his seat from the pastel colored couch in their sitting room, he was afforded a clear view of her outfit. She looked incredibly astonishing despite the twinkle in her eyes was missing. Clearing his throat, he said, "You look beautiful." And she really did but the look she gave him was one of disbelief. He wondered if she was going to question everything he said from now. Probably… It was selfish of him to hope not when he so much deserved it. He'd fucked everything up, but he so desperately prayed and hope that he could fix it. Fix them.
"I'm ready to leave," she said instead of acknowledging his compliment. It stung but he shook it off. Fitz nodded before grabbing hold of the tumbler and took the last mouthful of bourbon.
"George is already curbside," he relayed before returning the glass to the coffee table and making his way towards the foyer. He grabbed his bunch of keys from the soul bowl and placed it into his tuxedo pocket while waiting for her to walk over. He watched as she took her time walking in what seems to be four or five-inch heels. She truly looked breathtaking in the close-fitting gown.
His mind wandered to his misconduct. What was he thinking jeopardizing his relationship with a queen for a few minutes of fun? Looking back it wasn't worth it, even while it was happening. Back then, he wasn't fully himself but it was no excuse in retrospect. He did wrong and he really hoped that she would be generous to give him another chance. He knew he brought her pain but he wanted the opportunity to take it away.
They walked in silence to the elevator, rode down in it without a single word uttered until they met up with their driver who greeted them "good evening," to which they both replied "good evening, George". Now, on their way to the Ritz hotel, they sat inches apart in the backseat of the car. His stomach roiled at the distance that seemed to grow each minute. He felt helpless, frustrated and angry at himself and at the situation he created.
The drive seemed to have been quick or because his mind was so riddled with thoughts he had lost a sense of time. George came around and opened their door. Fitz was the first to exit and he stood at the door waiting with an extended hand to help Olivia out. Surprisingly, she had placed her hand in his. What was even more shocking was the wide smile she was wearing. His heart leaped at the sight and without much thought, he connected his lips with her right cheek. He quickly realized he'd misread her countenance because the low "don't kiss me" that escaped her lips spoke contrarily to her smile. His back stiffened at the realization that this was all an act. Feeling so disheartened he just wanted to go home but how could he suggest that when he was at fault. He had to suck it up and deal with it. Fuckin' idiot, his conscience berated for the thousandth time.
The Grand Ballroom was transformed into a modern day classical space for Manhattan's elite. Beautiful chandeliers graced the high-rise ceiling while crisp white tablecloths covered the many circular tables that seat eight. Beautiful white Ecuadorian roses filed the centerpieces with gold utensils accessorizing. The room was tastefully decorated so it was no surprise that the attendees followed suit with their getups. Fitz escorted Olivia on his arm as they kept up the happy charade. They stopped and talked with a few people along the way before finally making their way to their assigned table at the front of the room where a small stage was.
Upon arriving there, "Olivia!" Fitz's mom called out. He watched as his willowy tall mother embraced his petite girlfriend. The two always had a nice relationship so it was always a pleasure to see them interact. In the meantime the ladies were catching up, Fitz greeted his father with a hug.
"You look good, son," his father said, patting him on the back and Fitz mumbled a thank you.
For the next few minutes, Fitz greeted his grandparents who were also in attendance and his Aunt Julie and her husband, David. Olivia did the same before they all took their seats when the speaker announced that they were ready to begin.
Olivia's POV
As the evening progressed, she was feeling her façade slipping away. She was tired of pretending that everything was all right when it wasn't. After the dance floor was opened, she excused herself under the pretext of a bathroom break. Instead, she made her way out onto the balcony for some much-needed fresh air. Although the room swarmed with laughter she felt the furthest thing from laughing. How could she laugh when her heart was literally being held together by the thinnest of strings?
Alone on the balcony, she found herself finally being able to breathe again. Sitting next to Fitz all night and pretending that everything was fine between them was painfully difficult. She almost regretted coming. However, she resolved that she did the right thing by coming to support his parents. They were good people and if only for them, she would put aside her hurt feelings.
The sound of the door being opened interrupted her thoughts but she didn't turn around. Already bracing herself for who it might be.
"Thought I would find you out here," the unfamiliar voice made her turn around. At first, she thought it was going to be Fitz but surprisingly, a handsomely dressed man with an accent and blonde curly hair stood, smiling at her.
She wasn't in the mood for company but she replied, anyway, "And, why would you think that?"
"Because you looked like you needed escaping."
Olivia fought the urge to roll her eyes at his pompous assumption, albeit it was true. Humoring him, she asked, "and what does one who needs escaping looks like?"
"Bored. Distracted. Spaced out. Disinterested. Shall I go on?" he smiled, revealing pearly white teeth.
"That'll do." She gave him a tight smile before turning back to watch the traffic below. However, her guest wasn't easily dismissed because he walked closer to where she was and said, "I'm Michael," while proffering his right hand.
Olivia glanced at him and at his hand for a few seconds before finally taking it. "Nice to meet you, Michael," she returned without offering her name.
"And your name is?" Michael was relentless in trying to get her attention for more than a few seconds.
"Doesn't matter," Olivia mumbled, diverting her attention again to the traffic below.
"Ok, what if I tell you a joke and make you laugh; then, will you tell me your name?"
For the first time that night Olivia actually cracked a genuine smile. She didn't know where this stranger came from but his bubbly spirits were slowly getting to her, so she answered, "maybe."
"Alright, here we go. A man goes to the doctor and says, 'Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.' The doctor asks, 'What do you mean?' The man says, 'When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.' The doctor says, 'I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!'"
Olivia hadn't expected that outcome so she couldn't hold in the sound of laughter that slipped from her lips despite how corny the joke was.
Michael smiled and said, "Ahh… Much better. A beautiful woman as yourself should always be smiling."
Olivia shrugged and the smile was removed from her face.
"Want to hear another one?" He asked when he picked up on her hesitance to reciprocate his flirting.
"Wait a minute. How many jokes do you have?" she queried genuinely.
"A lot, actually, seeing that I'm a comedian."
"Really?" Olivia's eyes lit up. She'd never met a comedian in real life.
"Really… I can even tell you some dirty ones." He liked the way she got excited. "So how about that other joke, women-whose-name-I've-yet-to-know?"
Olivia laughed and told him to go ahead. She was going to find out if laughter was indeed the best medicine.
Fitz's POV
It had been twenty minutes and Olivia had yet to return. Fitz was beginning to get worried that she'd left as he surveyed the room for her. Almost everyone was on the dance floor including his grandparents as they waltzed to the classic instrumental melody being played by the string quartet. He was beginning to feel agitated in his seat so he got up and went in search of his girlfriend. He first moved to the bathroom area but was unsuccessful in locating her, he then went to the bar area to no avail before his mind hinted at the balcony. Climbing the few stairs against the wall that would lead him there, he hoped that he would be successful in his findings. If not, he was prepared to expand his search area. The second he opened the heavy wooden door the sound of laughter greeted his ears. It was no ordinary laughter. It was his Livvie's. And from the sound of it, she found something very funny. A grin quickly formed on his lips because of her infectious laughter. But it was immediately removed when he recognized that she wasn't alone or with any one of their acquaintances. Instead, a strange man stood close to her while one of her hands was rested on the balcony railing and the other was on his forearm as she continued to laugh. Both were turned away from him so his presence wasn't yet revealed. He watched as the guy continued to whisper something that made his girlfriend laugh even harder. Seconds ticked away and the two were in their own cocoon of joy. That enraged Fitz; he couldn't stand to watch them any longer. Clearing his throat extremely loudly, he viewed as they pulled apart and turned to face him. Olivia's face was alarmed before it quickly turned cold when she realized who it was. Not being deterred by her countenance, he walked over to them and extended his hand to the strange man. "I don't think we've met. I'm Fitz, this beautiful woman's boyfriend."
He watched as the strange man's eyes darted to Olivia's whose own were blazing fire at him. "I'm Michael, nice to meet you," the man returned, refocusing his attention on Fitz. Fitz purposely ignored him and turned towards Olivia. "I was looking all over for you. Do you want to dance?"
"Actually, I'm ready to leave," her voice sounded controlled but irritated, the complete opposite of how she was a few seconds again.
"We can't leave as yet, there's still the silent auction results to be read."
Olivia sighed and stated slowly, "I am ready to leave." Her chocolate orbs bore into his cerulean blues challengingly. She was openly challenging him and he had no other choice but to acquiesce. "Okay."
Michael who was still standing there taking in the uncomfortable exchange saw a break in their conversation and said, "well, it was nice meeting you both," before scurrying towards the balcony door.
From her spot in front of Fitz, Olivia shouted, "my name is Olivia, by the way."
Michael stopped for a few seconds and smiled, "it was nice meeting you, Olivia."
Olivia's POV
She knew it was petty but it felt so good just to rub her interaction with Michael into Fitz's face, even as innocent as it was. She was having a good time laughing her ass off at the silly jokes to ease her mind from the shit fest that has become her life but Fitz had to ruin it with his presence and his possessive nature, which she was pretty damn upset about. He had no right whatsoever to do what he did, in her opinion. After all, he was unfaithful, which trumped laughing at a guy's – who happened to be flirting with her – silly jokes any day of the week!
The second Michael had closed the door, her index finger was in his face as she snarled, "You had no fucking right to do what you just did?"
Fitz didn't budge at her snarl but stood his ground. "What are you talking about? I came outside and saw you with a guy I've never met, so I introduced myself. What's the big deal?" He rebutted nonchalantly, which only served to piss Olivia off even more.
"Don't be an idiot, Fitz! You're already a cheater!" Fuck! She didn't mean to call him that but shit she was pissed. And it wasn't like she was mislabeling him, anyway. Just a tad bit of exaggeration may be in effect. "Don't play stupid with me!"
She wasn't the only one who got upset from words because Fitz's voice became elevated when he returned, "Are you serious right now? You said you were going to forgive me for what I did but you throw it in my face every minute? I'm trying here!"
Is he fucking kidding me? Olivia got right up in his space and shouted. "You wouldn't have to fucking try had you not cheated on me! You don't get to play the victim here!"
"I'm not playing a victim. I'm just trying to fix what I broke but you are shutting me out and then you're upset with me because I introduced myself as your boyfriend. What should I have said differently?" He asked genuinely and took a step back so that cooler heads can prevail.
"You don't get it do you?" Olivia chuckled humorlessly. "You don't understand how much you've hurt me. This hole you've made inside of my chest. You don't understand how much it fucking hurts. It hurts to breathe, ok? It hurts every waking moment because what you did to me is constantly on my mind. So excuse me if I chose to enjoy a moment of laughter with a stranger. Excuse me if I managed to hurt your fragile ego and ruffle your insecurities."
"That is not what I meant." His gaze penetrated intensely into hers.
Ignoring his pleading eyes, she continued, "Meanwhile, I'm over here drowning. I'm drowning in self-doubts because I want to know what I did to deserve such pain." Her voice cracked then and she took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.
"Livvie-"
"Don't call me that," she snapped. "I thought I could do this forgiveness thing but each day the pain gets worse and I just don't know anymore."
"Don't say that!" The panic in Fitz's voice was strong, so was his body language when he advanced to her and grabbed her hands in his.
Tears clouded her vision despite her struggle to keep it at bay – she really didn't want to cry. She had had enough of crying! She wanted answers so she demanded them, "Why did you cheat on me, Fitz?". She needed to know the heart of why he even thought of doing it moreover acted out on said thoughts. "Why would you hurt me this way?"
A strong wind whooshing by ruffled their clothing, lasting all of one second before it continued its merry way without a care. Asides from the honking of car horns below, the bustling sounds of people and the muted sound of the music from indoors, they were by themselves.
She watched as he hesitated for several seconds before finally opening his mouth to confess, "You had forgotten about my fortieth birthday and at the time I felt really unappreciated. I had come home early that night thinking that you had something special plan for us but you were still at work. I didn't say anything about it because I kept hoping you would acknowledge what I thought would be obvious, seeing that we've been together for so long. But the next day when I woke up and you hadn't said anything I chose not to bring it up, which I'm seeing now was the wrong move."
"So the day after my birthday when I went to work I saw a wrapped gift on my desk, again, thinking that you had something to do with it. But it wasn't from you. She had given it to me."
Olivia sucked in her breath because she knew exactly who she was. It was hard listening to this but she had to know for her sanity sake. She had to know.
"She has always been attentive to me and I've never realized it until the two of us had started being out of sync. It felt nice to have someone who was there and was actually listening to me. And I know sometimes work gets crazy busy for you, especially during fashion week and I'm not making any excuses for what I did. At the time it was nice to just have that break with someone because I was missing you and instead of reaching out to you I was just… I was just accepting attention from someone who wasn't you. I was being reckless."
She hadn't realized she was crying until she felt the tears running down her neck, but she couldn't wipe it away because Fitz still held her hands hostage. It was a hard pill to swallow listening to his confession but she was trying.
"In retrospect, I regret not talking to you. I should've never encouraged her and allowed what happened to happen. But once I was on that slippery road it was like I couldn't come off of it. The two of us needed some time alone but we were always so busy that it seemed to never happen. I was starved for affection and I wandered. I know it's cliché to say if I could turn back the hands of time and undo what I did, but I honestly would. One thing I didn't think about when I was being selfish was how much this was going to hurt you. Because if I had, it would've stopped me from the very beginning." He paused and released her right hand so that he could wipe the steady stream of tears that fell from her eyes. The tears she could no longer keep away
"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your forgiveness. But, I'm begging you to please don't walk away from us. We can get couple's counseling or, whatever you think will fix us. I am willing to do anything, except give you up."
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