WORTH WORKING FOR
CHAPTER FIVE
The crime scene is gruesome even for her, and has her usually solid stomach churning. She manages to hold in her breakfast - barely - but still, she needs to turn away.
"You okay, Beckett?" Ryan asks, always the more perceptive partner.
Kate shares a glance with Lanie, the only person at work who knows of her current…situation. "Breakfast just isn't sitting right," she explains. It isn't a complete lie; all she's doing is omitting the minor detail that is the other reason she's had a weaker stomach than usual.
Ryan nods and moves between her and the body. "Why don't you canvass today? Javi and I can deal with the body. One half for each of us," he jokes.
She offers him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Ryan. I'm okay," she tells Lanie when her friend stands, concern etched on her face. "Just wasn't expecting…well, that." She motions to the two sheets on the ground of the alley, each one covering half of a body that was literally cut from head to groin.
"None of us were," Lanie agrees. "When you canvass, ask if anyone saw a person with a katana."
"Will do - wait, a katana?" she repeats, looking up from her notepad. "You think a sword did this?"
Lanie holds up an evidence bag with a bloody piece of metal in it. "Tip broke off in the body. I can't say for sure it was a katana, but definitely a single-bladed weapon. It had to be extremely sharp to make a cut this clean," she explains. "If I come up with anything else once I get him on the slab - well, slabs - I'll let you know."
Kate exhales slowly, already dreading the potential weirdness of the case. "Okay. Thanks, Lanie."
"Mm-hmm." Lanie grabs Kate's arm before she can walk away. "And don't think I haven't noticed that you've been suspiciously quiet about Rick."
Kate flushes. Her friend is right; it's only been a week and a half since she re-connected with Rick, and they haven't had a chance to catch up aside from Kate sending a summary of her doctor's appointment. So while Lanie knows that Rick went with her, she doesn't know that they met for coffee the next day and spent hours together, then went for a leisurely stroll through her neighborhood before parting for the day.
She'd enjoyed their time together a lot more than she'd anticipated, so much so that she almost invited him upstairs when he walked her back to her building.
Almost.
She'd been so tempted, her skin tingling at the possibility of feeling his hands on her or his mouth drawing pleasure from her again and again. But she needs to resist the temptation, lest she become too vulnerable in the heat of the moment, reveal too much of herself and her tragic past.
"I didn't know the Derrick Storm graphic novel came out already," Ryan says later that afternoon, when he and Kate walk into the comic book store they've connected the killer to.
Kate glances at him. "You're a fan?"
"Oh yeah," Ryan chuckles. "Jenny and I love the Storm books."
"Hmm." Kate gives a noncommittal hum. She is too; in fact, she preordered the graphic novel when it was first announced, long before she began her relationship with the author. "Well, let's get what we need so you can go read it," she teases, deciding to keep it to herself that she knows the author on a relatively intimate level.
Who's your favorite superhero?
Kate blinks at the text on her phone, then up at the murder board, where, much to her captain's chagrin, they've noted that they're looking for a self-proclaimed superhero.
If she didn't know any better, she'd think Rick was following her.
She's used to his texts, receiving random questions throughout the past few days since they met for coffee. He's asked her everything from her favorite color - purple, and his is green - to why she became a cop - to serve the people of her city. It's a partial answer, but it's all he'll get until she knows she can trust him with the rest.
She wouldn't be surprised if he's taking notes.
How did you know? she responds, ignoring his question for now.
Know what?
She snorts. That my case is superhero-related.
She can almost see his self-satisfied smirk as his reply appears. You just told me. I saw you on the news earlier, by the way. Nice "no comment." Very professional. Very hot.
She rolls her eyes. He's not shy about his attraction to her; he has no reason to be, really. They both know they're interested in each other physically. They wouldn't be in their current situation if they weren't. They're just not acting on it.
She does wonder if she needs to add a "yet" to that sentence, though. She may not have immediate plans to, but if her hormones are any indication, it would not be an unwelcome encounter.
Elektra, she finally replies, not surprised when he immediately responds.
A ruthless assassin who hides her emotions. Fitting.
She rolls her eyes when he follows up with a goofy emoji to indicate that he's teasing. He's not wrong, but he does seem to limit the deep, serious topics, so he's obviously respecting her boundaries.
Also the badass ninja skills and sexy outfit, she fires back.
Well, now I'm imagining you in leather. Thanks.
"Yo, Beckett."
She looks up, wiping the smile from her face when she sees Esposito approaching her with a file in his hand. "What's up?"
His eyes narrow for a brief moment, then he gives a slight shake of his head and holds out the file. "We got a lead."
Kate's jaw drops as she steps into Rick's apartment the next evening. She knew he was successful, has been for years, but his place is essentially a penthouse.
She has a nice-sized two-bedroom apartment, thanks partially to a generous insurance payout when her last one blew up from a gas leak, but his place puts hers to shame.
"Wow," she breathes, flushing when he grins. "Nice place."
Rick shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Thanks. I lucked out, bought it cheap and remodeled." He tilts his head towards what looks to be the living room. "Come on, I'll give you a tour."
She follows as he takes her through downstairs, showing her the kitchen, living room, and glimpses of his office and bedroom. Her gaze lingers on his bed, and she can't help but imagine herself joining him under the covers.
He touches her back and she startles, feels her face warm when she realizes she was caught staring. "You okay?" he asks in a quiet voice.
She nods. "Yeah. Just spaced for a moment."
His gaze flicks to her mouth, and his tongue darts out to wet his lips before he clears his throat and meets her eyes again. "Let's head upstairs. I'll show you what I've done," he suggests in a low voice. "Go ahead," he offers, holding his arm out towards the stairs.
She smirks. "You just want to stare at my butt, don't you?" she teases, earning a grin in response. She doesn't mind though; she'd rather stare at his, but maybe the night will end up going well enough that she gets to.
She shakes her head as she ascends the stairs. She promised herself that she wouldn't give in. She let her physical desire supersede common sense once already, but she can't risk blurring the lines between whatever they are - future co-parents, she supposes - and what he wants them to be.
And what she wouldn't mind, if she's being honest with herself.
It's unfortunate, really, she decides when she reaches the hallway with Rick right on her heels. She's beginning to like him more each day. He's considerate, checking in with her and offering to come over when she admits her morning sickness is bad. He's funny, often making her laugh with a bad pun or innuendo when she has a rough day. Even though they've spent just one night together, she knows he's great in bed, knows that their chemistry is off the charts.
He leans against the closed door at the top of the stairs, and her gaze flicks to the strip of skin that shows when his sweater rides up.
Goddammit, and he's hot as hell.
Logic and common sense aside, she wants him. She wants to drag his pants down his thighs, to repay some of the pleasure he'd given her on their night together. And she really wouldn't mind being on the receiving end again.
"Are you okay?"
His voice cuts through her desire, and she forces her eyes to look up from the front of his pants. She notices him smirking, and she flushes. "Yeah. Mind just wandered. Pregnancy brain," she jokes.
He raises an amused brow. "Sure," he teases. "As I was saying, I picked this room for the nursery. I'm not sure if the other empty one would be a better choice - Mother stays in the one across the hall when she's in town - but I want to show you what I've done."
She isn't sure what she expected when he opened the door, but several furniture boxes and more paint chips than she can count taped to the wall wasn't it.
Her jaw drops and she steps inside, looks around the room that's bigger than her own.
"I only just started thinking about colors," Rick says from behind her. "I wasn't sure if we wanted to coordinate and do the same thing, or choose our own. So I just got some paint chips, and was going to get some sample cans next week, but I can totally wait."
He walks into the room and points at the furniture boxes. "I researched the safest cribs and dresser and stuff, I can send you the info if you want. Or, better yet, I'll buy them and have them sent to your place."
He turns around to face her, his hands in his pockets and a nervous look in his eye. "I also bought a new mattress and sheets for the guest room. It's the room next door, and I figured it can basically be yours. Nobody else stays overnight, anyway. So if you're here, and it's late, or you don't want to leave Cosmo overnight, you can have a comfortable place to sleep."
Kate shakes her head in disbelief. "This-"
"Too much?"
"No," she breathes.
She shakes her head again and looks at Rick, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, emotions she can't even describe threatening to boil over.
Rick must see something else in her eyes, because before she can react, his hands are cupping her jaw and his eyes are searching hers, concern laced in his furrowed brow. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she whispers. She reaches up to cover his hands with hers, but she doesn't embrace him, instead moves his hands and steps back, ignoring the confusion in his eyes. "I-" Her voice cracks and she turns towards the door. "I have to go."
"Kate-"
She hears her therapist's voice in the back of her mind even as she walks away and starts down the stairs. He'd tell her to face her fear, her insecurity, to talk to the literal father of her child about her doubts.
Rick may be able to help her, Dr. Burke had pointed out in her last session. She doesn't have to share every deep, dark secret with him - unless she wants to - but she shouldn't be a complete stranger, either.
Dr. Burke is right, she knows, but still, she descends the stairs, ignores Rick's call of her name, and his approaching footsteps. He's faster than her, though, and his fingers curl around her bicep as soon as she reaches the bottom step.
Her foot slips, and for one brief, horrifying moment, she thinks she's about to fall on her ass and embarrass herself so much she won't be able to look Rick in the eye. But his hands grab her waist and he pulls her into him.
"I got you," he murmurs, his mouth at her ear.
Even his deep, sexy rasp does nothing to abate her incoming panic attack, and she gasps for air, her heart pounding in her chest, her limbs trembling. God, how could she think she could do this? She can barely handle herself, let alone a fucking baby.
Her legs falter and she sinks to the floor, gasps out a sob even as she realizes that Rick's following. He's not letting go or pushing away; instead, he's coming to the ground with her, supporting her even as she falls.
Her fingers grasp his sweater, and she breaks.
"It's okay," he whispers, his lips on the top of her head, his breath ruffling her hair. His hands splay across her back, gently moving up and down, providing comfort in a way she didn't know she needed.
Eventually, her tears begin to slow, Rick's touch and reassuring words helping calm her.
She manages to sit up, and she swipes her fingers across her cheeks, then looks up at him with an embarrassed smile on her lips. "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. I'm not usually so emotional," she adds, her cheeks warming.
Rick reaches up to cup her cheek. "Pregnancy hormones."
She chuckles. "Know from experience?" she teases.
The corner of his mouth quirks. "This recent invention called books. You should try them sometime." He grows serious, and his eyes roam across her face, studying, searching. His hand hasn't left her jaw either, and she sighs and leans into the warmth of his touch.
Maybe letting him in a little wouldn't be so bad.
"Wanna talk about it?"
She shakes her head, her eyes fluttering shut, unable to look into his anymore. The bright, warm blue of his gaze staring into her as if he can see every thought, every worry, every secret. One of these days, those eyes will be her downfall.
"Okay." Rick's hand moves from her jaw to her arm. "Let's relocate to the couch."
"I thought about ending it," she blurts as Rick moves to stand. She feels him freeze, so she takes a chance and opens her eyes. He's frozen in place, one hand on the step behind them, poised to push himself up. His eyes lock on hers, his face completely unreadable.
"The pregnancy," she continues. "I didn't, obviously, and I didn't seriously consider it for long. It was a brief, fleeting thought. When I saw the test was positive, I thought, 'I can't do this.' I've always been so focused on my career, I never thought about kids. I have a dangerous job with erratic hours, a dead mom-"
His brows shoot up at that, and, well, he was going to find out eventually, right? She just barrels on.
"For about three seconds, I thought 'there's no way in hell I can do this.' But then I remembered Lanie was there, waiting for the result, for me, that she'd already said she'd help however she could, and I decided that the kid deserved a chance."
She lifts her gaze to him. "And I couldn't justify making that kind of decision without at least trying to find you," she adds, her voice breaking on the last word. "It wouldn't be fair to you."
His throat bobs with a swallow, and he settles back down on the step, his shoulders slumping. "Do you still think about it?" he asks after a long silence, his rasp echoing in the otherwise silent apartment.
She shakes her head. "No," she whispers. "But, Rick, what you have here, the effort you're already putting in…" She swallows and looks down at the floor, unable to meet his eyes. "Whatever arrangement we work out, our child should live here. You have so much more to offer, you can give them more-"
"No," he says sharply. "You're our baby's mother, Kate. We'll work out the details later, but there is no reason they shouldn't live with you."
She nods, her gaze still locked on the floor, a question on the tip of her tongue. She needs to ask it - should have already - but she's afraid of his answer. She knows what his interviews say, and she doesn't want to hear that same answer today.
It's probably silly, she knows, especially considering how enthusiastic he's been so far: coming to her doctor's appointment, starting to convert a room into a nursery, even creating a space for her.
But she needs to know.
"Do you even want this? The kid," she clarifies when she hears his sharp inhale. "I just sprung it on you, and-"
"Yes."
His answer is so immediate, so confident, that she lifts her gaze back to his. Her breath catches in her throat at the conviction in his eyes.
"I'm not just doing this out of obligation," he continues. "I want a kid. This kid. I want to be a dad, Kate." He shifts so he's facing her and takes her hand in his. "That being said, you're the one carrying the baby. Your body will be affected the most by this pregnancy. So if you're still considering-"
"I'm not," she interrupts. She flips her hands so they're palm-to-palm. "I'm in this. I'm still terrified," she admits with a puff of laughter, "but I'm committed."
His eyes soften as he smiles. "Good."
"Good," she breathes. She squirms, suddenly aware that they're still sitting on the stairs. "Maybe now we can move? My ass is falling asleep."
He throws his head back and laughs, then pushes himself up and holds out his hand to help her stand. "Hey," he says when she starts to walk away, tugging her back. He lifts a hand and tucks a loose lock of hair behind her ear. "Thank you for sharing. I know it wasn't easy."
She offers him a soft smile. "Thanks for listening."
His face brightens with his own smile, and, God, if she's not careful, she could fall for him.
"Always, Kate."