WORTH WORKING FOR
CHAPTER NINE

EARLY DECEMBER

"Did you ask him why?"

Kate looks up at Dr. Burke, shifting her attention from the loose thread on her pants. "Ask him…what, why he changed the subject?" She shrugs. "He obviously remembered how he practically has to beg me for any personal information, and decided I'm a waste of time."

"Does he have to beg, though?" Dr. Burke asks, crossing one leg over the other and lacing his fingers together on his lap. "Because from what you've told me, he's been very respectful of your boundaries. It doesn't seem to me like he's begging you for anything. In fact," he continues, interrupting her when she starts to argue, "if I'm understanding right, everything you've shared with him, you've volunteered."

Kate sighs. "Okay, technically, you might be right." She doesn't need to look at her therapist to know that he's probably smirking. "Maybe he doesn't come right out and ask me things. Maybe he has basically said that he'll respect whatever pace I set."

"So what makes you more willing to share instead of pull away? Is there something he does, or says, to encourage you?"

"I don't know." She sighs again and leans forward, puts her elbows on her knees. "It sometimes just feels...I'm not sure how to explain it. He doesn't do or say anything. It just feels like the right time to talk."

"So, you follow your gut."

"No." She shakes her head. "I don't. I just get a sense."

"You follow your gut at work, you've said so yourself." He fixes his gaze on her. "A sense, a feeling, your gut, they're the same thing. They're all instinct."

"It's different," she insists.

"Why?"

She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair in frustration. "I don't know. With my job, if I'm wrong about something, like I have the wrong suspect, it sucks but I move onto the next person or piece of evidence. This is different."

Dr. Burke nods. "I see. Why don't you tell me about Will?"

"I-what? Will?"

"Yes." He leans back in his chair. "You've mentioned him a couple times. He's your ex, right? So, tell me about him. How long were you together?"

She lets out a long exhale. She doesn't know what he's going for, or why he's asking, but she'll play along. "About a year and a half, technically. We dated for six months several years ago, broke up for a while, then again for a little over a year."

At Dr. Burke's encouragement, she summarizes her relationship with Will: their initial time together, his leaving for Boston, then their reunion when he'd requested her help on a case.

Their first breakup had hurt. The second one, happening just a few months before she was shot, sent her diving back into her mom's case. It almost destroyed her.

"Why?"

Kate almost rolls her eyes. Will he ever get sick of asking that question? And does he ask his other patients as much as he asks her?

"Why was the second breakup worse, Kate?" he prods.

"Because I thought he was the one. I thought he changed. He told me he changed. But the same damn thing happened: he got a position in another city and expected me to follow him. Give up my home, my career, all because his opportunity 'doesn't happen very often,' and 'saying no would hurt his career.'"

God, it still stings: the assumption that she'd drop everything for him, the anger and frustration when she, once again, turned him down.

"I trusted him," she admits quietly, surprising herself with the confession. "He was the first guy I told about my mom – not that she was dead, but how it happened, how it affected Dad and me. Dad's alcoholism, my addiction to her case, even how Rick's books helped me grieve. Things I don't share with just anyone."

She glances at Dr. Burke, but he just nods, a silent acknowledgment. She's told him that already, worked through the revelation that her tendency to go all in with cases is a form of addiction, that putting her mom's case away was essentially stopping herself from drowning. She was able to keep her head afloat when it reappeared over the past few years – mostly – but it's still a daily struggle.

She takes a deep breath and continues. "I thought I could trust him with my deepest, darkest secrets. He was so sweet, so encouraging, a good listener. The first guy I dated after Mom died who I felt was a partner instead of just a distraction."

She looks down at her lap, laces her fingers together. "Until Will, I refused to let anyone see the real me. I always put on a front. Otherwise it hurt too bad when the relationships inevitably ended. But Will was different, so I lowered those walls. I let him in, and he ripped my heart to fucking pieces."

She swipes her fingers across her cheeks, surprised when they come away wet. She didn't even realize she was crying.

"And then I took another chance last year, and the same thing happened," she continues, her voice thick with emotion. "I thought things would be different. We're older, wiser, I was in a better place. Maybe we could be partners again, but it was like déjà vu. He got an offer in another city, one that he felt he couldn't turn down, because it would be good for his career. Tried to tell me that I should move with him, with my glowing reputation I could get a job anywhere. But New York is my home." She swipes her damp cheeks again. "I wasn't about to leave my home for someone who would always expect me to pack up my life and follow him around, who wouldn't consider that my career, my life, is just as important as his."

Dr. Burke nods. "Is that why you were reluctant to let Rick help with the baby?"

"I wasn't reluctant, I just-"

"Assumed he wouldn't be willing to change his life, so why give him the chance?"

"No." She pauses, considering. "Well, not really. During our night together, he kept prodding for information. What do I do for a living, what's my last name, how I got my scars. He asked to see me again, but every time, I said no. Figured I'd keep him at an arm's length; he'd eventually leave anyway, so why go through the whole thing? Just stop it before it happened." She shrugs and places her palm on her stomach. "Obviously things turned out differently."

"Obviously," Dr. Burke agrees with a soft chuckle before turning serious again. "But despite your misgivings, you seem to be sharing things with Rick just fine."

"Yeah, and he still won't make a move," she snaps.

"It seems to me like Rick wants to. From what you've told me, he isn't shy about his attraction. He wants to make a move, but he's respecting your boundaries." Dr. Burke shrugs and leans back, crossing one leg over the other. "It may be time to consider shifting those boundaries."

Kate nods and takes a deep breath, then swallows around the lump of emotion in her throat. "Shit," she eventually whispers. "I like him. But what if he hurts me? What if he breaks my heart too?"

"That's a risk you need to decide whether or not to take."

"Call." Esposito throws a handful of poker chips on the table and taps his cards that sit face down on the table. "You guys may as well fold. No way is anyone beating my hand."

Ryan snorts and slides a larger pile of chips toward the center of the table. "So you have nothing. Raise twenty."

"Hey!"

Kate shrugs. "Sorry, Espo, but history is not on your side." She pushes her own chips forward. "Call." She laughs at the way Espo's face falls, and he picks up his cards and throws them in the middle of the table.

"Fold. You both suck."

"I'm out too," Lanie pipes up, pushing back from the table and standing. "Anyone need a refill? Kate, you good?"

Kate glances up and nods, recognizes the question in Lanie's eyes. To make sure she came, Kate shared that poker night was going to double as a pregnancy announcement, so Lanie's been shooting her looks all evening in anticipation. She's just waiting for one more-

She jumps when she hears a knock on her door. Ignoring protests from Ryan, she grabs her cards – she wouldn't put it past him to look at them if she didn't – and gets up to answer.

The nerves she's felt all evening disappear as soon as she opens the door to Rick, and she smiles, feels her face flush when his eyes flick down to her mouth and darken slightly. "Hey."

Rick clears his throat and steps inside when she moves aside. "Hi."

Her heart seems to skip a beat when his gaze stays locked on her, and she flushes and turns towards her friends, who have all fallen silent at the new guest.

Lanie's the first to recover – not surprising since she knew he was coming – and she walks up as Rick hangs up his coat. "We haven't officially met. Lanie Parish, the best friend."

Rick grins and shakes her outstretched hand. "Nice to officially meet you. Thanks for letting me cut in that night."

Lanie just raises her brows and looks him up and down. "Mm-hmm. Don't make me regret it," she teases.

Kate rolls her eyes. "Shut up, Lanie." She hooks her arm through his and pulls him towards the guys, who seem to have mostly recovered from the surprise visitor.

Well, Espo has, at least. Ryan just stares as they approach, until Espo smacks him in the shoulder.

"Rick," she says, "meet the guys. Javier Esposito, Kevin Ryan, this is Rick-"

"Castle," Ryan blurts, his cheeks turning bright red as soon as the word is out. "Oh my God. Sorry, I just – my fiancée-" He stops, clears his throat, and straightens his shoulders. "We're big fans. It's nice to meet you."

Rick glances at Kate, a wide grin on his face. "I didn't know I'd be meeting another fan. I would've brought a Sharpie and a book to sign," he teases. "Pleasure's mine. I'm glad to finally meet you guys."

Kate slides a spare chair next to hers, and grabs a beer for him before sitting back down. "Here. We'll deal you in after I beat Ryan."

"Like hell you're beating me." Turning his attention back to the table, Ryan motions towards Lanie. "Come on, Lanie, turn it over so we can grill Beckett about why she didn't tell us she's dating someone on Jenny's freebie five list."

Rick spits out his drink and looks around with wide eyes. "Her...what?"

"Shit, did I say that out loud?"

Much to her relief, the boys warm up to Rick immediately. She knew that Lanie would – her friend knows how damn perfect Rick has been – but the boys can be overprotective when any guy shows interest in her. Telling them that she and Rick aren't a romantic couple didn't do a thing to prevent them from bringing him into their fold, teasing him about everything and nothing, and tricking him into betting way more than any of them usually do.

"Thanks for the generous donation to the NYPD Women and Children's Fund," Espo jokes as he slides a very large pile of chips towards himself.

Rick smirks and takes a swig of beer. "You know, had I known Kate would lie about your tells, I might have reconsidered coming," he teases. He grabs the cards and starts shuffling for his deal.

Espo shares a glance with Ryan that has dread trickling down her spine. She's about to get some serious shit from them, isn't she?

"We would've invited you sooner if we knew you existed," Ryan adds. "But she's been completely quiet about her dating life, even quieter than usual."

That's not the only thing I've been quiet about, she thinks, casting a longing look at the bottle of tequila on the counter. She loves her partners like brothers, but that doesn't mean she tells them everything about her personal life. And she shares almost nothing of her romantic dalliances; in the decade she's been on the force, the longest relationship she had was with Will. Nobody else lasted long enough to meet her friends.

"We're not dating," she argues, shooting a glare at Lanie when she hears her friend snort. "We're just friends."

His eyes locked on Kate, Espo points at Lanie. "That reaction begs to differ."

"She's right," Rick says. His rough voice takes her by surprise, and she meets his gaze, flushes when she sees the desire reflected in his eyes. "We're friends."

Kate takes a deep breath and folds her hands on top of the table. Well...there's no time like the present. "It's actually a little more complicated than that," she says quietly. Rick's brows lift in surprise – they hadn't discussed the logistics of their announcement – and she covers his hand with hers. "We're having a baby. I'm pregnant."

Silence falls over the table; the only sound is the quiet music playing in the background. She looks at their shocked faces – except Lanie, of course, who just looks amused – and eventually clears her throat. "Uh, guys?"

That seems to snap them out of their stunned stupor, and in a testament to years of partnership, they stand in unison, their chairs clattering to the floor, and circle the table to flank Rick.

"Whoa, guys-" He stands to meet them, his arms raised, palms facing out. "What-"

"You knocked her up?" Espo barks.

"You better be taking care of her."

"If I don't see a ring on her finger-"

"Okay," Kate snaps, standing and placing herself between Rick and Espo. "This isn't 1952, so cool it with the ring talk. We'll co-parent just fine without it. As for you," she adds, turning to point at Ryan, "it's none of your business, but yes, he's being very supportive. I appreciate your protectiveness, but I'm a big girl. I can speak up for myself."

Ryan's already pale expression blanches. "God, Kate. Work. You shouldn't be in the field-"

"It's fine," she insists before he can spiral. "Right, Lanie?"

Thankfully, Lanie nods. "Yeah. She'll go on desk duty at some point, but as long as her obstetrician says it's okay, she's fine. Maybe avoid tackling anybody though," she adds.

"Is this why you've had a hard time at crime scenes?"

"Yeah. It's settled a bit, finally, but the nausea was really bad for several weeks." She looks back and forth between her partners, gauging their moods, but they both seem to have calmed down. She curls her fingers around Rick's forearm and jerks her head towards the table. "One more round?"

Ryan and Espo share another look and nod in unison.

"Good, 'cause killing Kate's baby daddy would've put a damper on the mood."

Kate groans. "Lanie, I swear to God."

Kate sighs in relief and leans forward, sags against the door as it clicks shut.

"I think that went well."

She laughs and turns, leans back against the door. "Yeah. They liked you."

Rick grins, wiping his hands on a dish towel as he crosses the room towards her. "You sure about that?" he jokes. "Because I'm pretty sure the guys were going to shoot me."

Kate shakes her head. "They couldn't have. Poker night is a gun-free zone," she teases, pushing off the door. She takes the towel from his hands and tosses it on the counter. "You didn't have to stay, you know. I am capable of washing my own dishes."

"I know." Rick grabs her hand on her way past, stopping her, and steps in front of her. "I don't help because I don't think you're capable. I help because I want to." He tangles his fingers with hers and steps closer, his soft, tender gaze locked on hers. "I want you to share your burdens with me, Kate," he says in a low voice. "Let me take some off your shoulders."

Her breath catches in her throat at not just his words, but everything: the low husk to his voice, the tender look in his eyes, his soft skin against hers.

Everything.

His comment about sharing her burdens reminds her of her last session with her therapist. Dr. Burke had challenged her to do one thing: take a chance. Yes, she's opened up a little to Rick about herself, has even come close to acting on her physical desire. Her conversations with Rick have been pleasant, and their time together always leaves her with a warm, relaxed feeling. But a month ago, he essentially told her that he won't make a move until she wants him to.

I want you to want me for me, and not just because I was nice to you, he'd said the night of her birthday.

And she does. He's given no indication that his attraction has any conditions, and even though she's kept him at an arm's length – mostly – he keeps coming back for more. In fact, he seems to enjoy seeing and talking to her.

So, while she's letting him help with pregnancy and baby things – including buying all of the furniture for the nursery and even storing it until she can get the room cleared out – she's been hesitant to look past it.

"Do you want to spend time with him because he's the father of your child?" Dr. Burke had asked. "Or because you like him?"

Both, she'd insisted.

He'd then asked another, harder question that she's been thinking about for the past week and a half: if there wasn't a baby, would she still want Rick in her life?

The answer is a resounding yes.

Before she left, Lanie pulled her aside and shared her own opinion. "I had a feeling, but after seeing you with him tonight, I know," she'd said in a hushed whisper. "He's good for you. So don't totally dismiss the idea of having something with him."

Share your burdens with me, Kate.

She doesn't think he's just talking about washing dishes.

Her grip tightens, and he glances down at their joined hands, barely lifts his gaze back to her when she leans up and presses her mouth to his.

It's a brief kiss, little more than a touch, but she hears his shaky inhale when she pulls back. She watches as his eyes open, his lashes fluttering, his pupils darkening.

Her name falls from his lips on a rough whisper, and he drops her hand only to frame her face, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks as his eyes search hers. "What is this?" he husks, sending shivers down her spine.

"This is me taking a chance," she whispers. She drapes her arms over his shoulders and lifts herself to her toes so she can kiss him again. "Don't break my heart, Rick."

He presses his forehead to hers. "I wouldn't dream of it."