WARNING: Domestic abuse, eating disorders, and severe depression.

P.S. Fuck the timeline.

AN: Thank you to the reviewers (then and now).

Chapter 2: Summer Letters

The most remarkable part of Harry's summer was the absence of pain in his scar. Unremarkably, the nightmares remained, despite the lack of visions of Voldemort and the Department of Mysteries.

Images plagued him from the war. He woke most nights stifling screams, hiding in the back of his closet, having no memory of how he got there.

Being stuck at the Dursleys did not help. Harry cooked, cleaned, and studied.

Hedwig, his beautiful, wonderful, best friend ever, was his constant company except when Harry sent her to the bookstore. Harry's library was sure to make even Hermione envious now. Harry wrote to Professor McGonagall expressing his desire to drop Divination. He had seen more of the future than he had ever desired. She sent an adamant response back with Hedwig, wishing him well and saying that he would have to pick another subject. Depending on the subject, he might have to take a class with younger classmates. She had attached a list of classes.

Harry had no idea what he should pick and it was that choice which prompted Harry to send his first letter to Professor Flitwick.

oOo

Dear Professor Flitwick,

Thank you for listening to me at the end of term. I hope all is well with you. I owled Professor McGonagall about switching out of Divinations. She said that I needed to pick another topic. I am staying with Care of Magical Creatures but I don't know what else would be worth it. Any suggestions as to what would be useful? I don't have much of a preference so whatever you think is best, I'll take. Can you suggest a good reading selection to catch up in that class too please?

Warmest Regards,

Harry Potter

oOo

A few days later Hedwig returned with another, larger owl, carrying a small stack of books between them.

oOo

Dear Mr. Potter,

I am delighted to hear from you. Arithmancy is probably your best bet for a practical class. Combined with Charms you can begin to learn about wards seeing as you have such a strong inclination for Defense Against the Dark Arts. I have sent some reading material that should catch you up on the material of the first few years. Regrettably, as Minerva indicated, you will likely still be placed in a class with the fourth years. All the same, I would confirm with her. The Study of Ancient Runes should be your next choice though in that subject's core there is an element of Divinations. Confirm with Minerva that Arithmancy can fit into your schedule and you can begin some of the essay prompts. A short response should be sufficient for each as long as you understand the material. It was one of my best classes when I was your age, feel free to send me any questions you may have. Also, if you find yourself bored we can always exchange letters discussing Charms and DADA.

Otherwise, how are you doing? Do you have any friends back home you've been able to spend time with? Is your family aware of what has been happening to you? Are you taking care of yourself?

If you need anything, I will be there for you.

All the Very Best,

Filius

oOo

Harry gave the second owl—who was a Hogwarts owl—a letter for McGonagall to confirm Arithmancy as his choice.

Harry found himself rereading Flitwick's letter dozens of times over. Aside from Hermione, and the rare letter from Ron, no one had ever sent him such a personal letter. This summer no one was sending him letters. Aside from the one cryptic letter from Sirius who told him to keep his head down this summer.

Harry waited three days before replying to Flitwick. In those three days, Harry had read two out of the three books for practical applications of arithmancy and he had started on the second textbook. The ward stuff was a lot more interesting than the basics. But the basics were kinda fun too. It was magical math, formula puzzles. Like potions Harry didn't necessarily need a wand, he just needed to be magical.

oOo

Dear Professor Flitwick,

Thank you! I really like the books you sent me and Professor McGonagall confirmed that I have room and the time to take Arithmancy with the fourth year class.

As for your questions. I do not have friends here and the Dursleys do not like to talk about magic or anything related to it so I told them nothing. The nightmares have been pretty bad but my scar does not hurt. I have been eating enough.

oOo

This was a falsehood, but for once it wasn't the Dursleys fault because he wasn't truly hungry and he feared what he could keep down if he did eat proper meals.

oOo

I have been exercising a little but mostly I have been reading and completing my summer homework. I plan to force Professor Snape to give me an Outstanding or at least an Exceeds Expectation seeing as I am two years ahead.

Could you give me harder essays for your class when I get back to school? I received an E on my OWLs for your class. I would like to keep moving forward as I never got to do my seventh year.

Also, do you know if Dolores Umbridge will be teaching? I was thinking of starting up a DADA club and I was wondering if you or McGonagall could supervise it?

Thank you for your time.

All the Best,

Harry

oOo

It was the longest letter Harry could ever remember sending someone. The most he had opened up to anyone outside of Ron and Hermione on paper. Reading it over, only the line about his OWLs and being two years ahead seemed odd. If anyone else read this they would probably think he was crazy. Which was alright, Harry had been called worse.

Writing that letter gave Harry an idea. Harry sent Sirius a letter.

oOo

Hi Snuffles,

Hope you are doing well and eating enough. I know things as they are we can't say much through letters but I wanted to ask you about Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration.

What do you think aside from the obvious moon consideration, is the most useful Transfiguration spells? Is it just natural talent that my dad had for the subject or did he study differently than other people?

And for dueling what do you think is most important?

Love,

Harry

oOo

It was a sedate letter, an academic letter, and Sirius's response was the same, though with little hints about anecdotes that he would tell Harry in person.

Harry began loving school in a way he had never before. He exchanged a near endless chain of letters with Sirius and Flitwick about Transfiguration, DADA, Charms, and Arithmancy.

Always before Harry had written people to talk about Voldemort or with Ron letters about Quidditch. But Harry wasn't fifteen, he was eighteen and had sort of survived a war.

Talking to Sirius, not about the straight theory of Transfiguration but the practical uses, theoretical topics, and spells that he read about in the book was a lot of fun. Maybe Harry should have been exchanging letters with Remus, but as much as Harry loved his old professor, Sirius seemed to care more. Besides, for the more technical stuff he could send a letter to Flitwick. Harry had even gone so far as to send McGonagall a few questions.

Harry had always dumbed himself down, ever since Puntiuna had begun starving him for getting better grades than Dudley and then to remain friends with Ron, who preferred to do anything but homework. But Quidditch wasn't enough to keep his mind busy trapped as he was in Surry. Harry almost started a half a dozen letters to Hermione who surely would have loved Harry's new interest in his academics but Hermione was sharp and she would know something major had changed in him if he did so. Sirius didn't really know Harry well enough for his interest in school to be a red flag. Hiding that he was two years ahead in material from Hermione, however, was going to be a problem.

Of course, he could always confide everything to Ron and Hermione and he wouldn't have to hide anything. Yet there still remained the issue of not being able to explain it properly. If he told Sirius one day, his godfather would understand, having fought in a war himself. Flitwick had been around for two wizarding wars. Ron hadn't lost a single family member nor had Hermione erased her parents' memory of her. They weren't Harry's two best friends who had been tortured, gone into hiding, broke into Gringotts, and countless other life alternating, deadly deeds with Harry yet.

How could he confide in them? What if it hurt them to know the future? What if they started having nightmares like Harry? And perhaps, worst of all, what if he told them and they never understood him like they had before?

oOo

Harry was grateful he didn't forget the date of the Dementor attack, the court case against him may have helped his memory in that. Harry walked to the park, his wand prepared and just like last time he found Dudley and his friends.

Harry was able to get the upper hand on teasing this round. Dudley didn't have the Cedric comeback as seldom as Harry had grown accustomed to muffling his screams on the rare occasion he slept deeply enough not to wake up battle ready.

"Why do you have your stick out still?" Dudley asked, frowning down at Harry.

Harry still hated being short. Two years from now he would not be the tallest guy around but for right now, he was still stunted for his age.

"Something is bound to attack me sometime," Harry answered casually. Only this time I'll be ready, Harry thought.

As if on cue the street became colder, the streetlights dimmer, and all the happiness in the world began to fade away as if the saturation of the landscape was being drained by some mighty hand.

The Dementors came gliding like shadows on the wind. Wordlessly, Harry summoned his patronus, his stag charging the dementors before they got close enough to do real damage. Harry pushed Dudley, "Run, Dudi-di-kins!"

They made it back to the house intact.

"What was that?" Dudley asked between panting breaths as Harry leaned back against the closed door.

"Dementors, jail guards that can suck your soul out of your body."

Dudley gaped at Harry. "Why go to that freak school if you have to deal with stuff like that?"

"Because it is better than living here," Harry answered honestly. "I have people who actually care about in my world."

Dudley didn't have a comeback for that. "I feel awful," he said instead, referring not to Harry's troubles but to the depression the Dementors left behind them.

"Chocolate, we need chocolate."

Dudley, not one to question the need for sweets, motioned for Harry to stay by the door as he went into the living room to ask Aunt Petunia for a chocolate bar. He came back and Harry was surprised to receive a small slice.

"Thanks," Harry said nibbling on the bit of chocolate.

"DAMNED OWLS!" Uncle Vernon shouted.

Harry sighed and stepped into the living room to go through the chorus of the Ministries talking letters.

"Ha ha," Uncle Vernon mocked with a self superior air. "You've been expelled."

"Not yet," Harry said, as the second and third owl came.

"What's happening?" Aunt Petunia asked.

"Harry saved me," Dudley volunteered.

"Saved you from what, son?" Uncle Vernon asked, caught between concern for Dudley and the unreasonable rage against anything that threatened his son.

It wasn't one of Vernon's redeeming qualities, per se, but it did make him more relatable.

Harry liked to think that if his parents had lived, Vernon would have received a lot more than a pig's tail.

"A dementor," Harry said without explanation.

Aunt Petunia shrieked and half fainted onto the couch.

"What!?" Uncle Vernon roared.

"Well it was two dementors, actually, and I used a charm to fend them off."

"We should have never taken you in!" Uncle Vernon yelled. "Putting our son in danger! Why I ought to ring your–"

"If I wasn't around then the Dark Lord would be and if he were around then the dementors would be one of the numerous dangers that you would have no defense from," Harry said evenly. Uncle Vernon was easier to deal with when they weren't both angry. And last time Dudley had thrown up and been shaking, not chowing down on a chocolate bar.

"I have a gun!"

"And what good is a gun against something you can't even see?" Harry questioned.

"So we should be grateful?" Uncle Vernon demanded.

"As long as you don't starve me or hit me or curse my parents' memory, I don't really care what you are. And I would never ask for your gratitude anymore than I would give you mine," Harry said.

"We housed you!" Vernon roared.

Harry kept his wand out but he crossed his arms as he said, "You both are sadistic, small minded, jealous, and horrible people who used me for all your issues and made me into a servant you paid with literal table scraps. You don't care a wit about me, but one day you're going to care when Dudley grows a heart and can't stand to be around people who never encouraged him to be better, never gave him a reason to try. The real world isn't going to coddle him."

Vernon had turned purple during Harry's tirade, "Why you little, ungrateful wretch!"

Harry wasn't expecting the backhand. Typically, Vernon was more careful about the damage he did, slap to the back of the head, going at his back below the collar, never anything that would cause a black eye and get the neighbours gossiping.

Harry hadn't been eating enough, his reflexes were slow and he fell back against the door with a thud.

Vernon punched him in the gut and he dropped, losing his grip on his wand.

The evil in Vernon's eyes was just as made and horrific as Voldemort's.

The Death Eaters had no right to do what they did, but that didn't mean Vernon wasn't the type of man to don a white cloak and hood and join a mob.

He raised a foot, whether to kick Harry or snap his wand, he would never know because Dudley pulled him back.

"Dad! Don't!"

Ah, right.

Dudley had seen Harry get slapped around, been encouraged to hurt him, and beat him up with his own gang.

But Vernon was nearly three times his size, and the man was always careful to keep the probably illegal stuff for when Dudley had gone to bed.

It was nice that his cousin had limits.

"Harry, go," Dudley said standing between him and his father.

Harry didn't need telling twice, as he scooped up his wand and practically climbed the stairs, his head still ringing.

Harry wrote Flitwick and Sirius a letter, followed by one to Amelia Bones, explaining his side of the story.

oOo

Dear Flitwick,

It happened like before. Minus one howler.

All the Best,

Harry

oOo

Dear Snuffles,

I'll be good and I promise to stay inside. Dudley gave me chocolate, guess he's not all bad after all.

Love,

Harry

oOo

Dear Madam Bones,

Can I sue the government for sending two Dementors after me and my cousin? I don't really want money or anything except for it not to happen again and being able to keep my wand so I can keep saving my own life.

Thanks for your time.

Warm Regards,

Harry Potter

oOo

Flitwick's response was clipped and he promised to be at the hearing with Albus, along with McGonagall. Sirius sent back I love ya kid. And Madam Bones wrote back a rather informal letter.

oOo

Dear Mr. Potter,

I will not allow anyone in the Ministry to break your wand. I will be digging into who sent the Dementors to muggle Surry. I only regret to say that you must still attend the hearing as the Minister himself requested it. As stupid as the formalities are they must be practiced. However, I implore you not to worry, as the Head of Department of Law Enforcement, I can promise you will keep your wand and be able to attend Hogwarts for your Fifth Year. Try not to use any more magic, but do not hesitate to keep yourself safe if the need arises.

Yours Sincerely,

Amelia Bones

P.S. Susan says hi.

oOo

Harry smiled at the letter and wrote back:

Dear Madam Bones,

Thank you so much.

Warm Regards,

Harry

P.S. Hi Susan :)

oOo

When the Order came to pick him out at his home he was packed, his room clean, and Hedwig's empty cage was bird poop free. Harry had told her to go ahead to Sirius's place after delivering a message to Madame Bones.

Harry chatted with Tonks happily and Remus gave Harry a quick hug.

"Thanks, Harry," Remus said.

"Thanks for what?" Harry asked as he rolled on his broom closer toward the older wizard. It was good to be flying again. Harry was not going to get kicked off the team this year even if he had to play nice with Umbridge, he would. Well, at least he wouldn't pick a fight with her.

"Your letters to Sirius, he waits for them every day, you know. He spends hours writing and perfecting his responses. I think you're the only thing keeping him sane."

Harry smiled, he knew exactly what Sirius was going through and he was glad to hear that the letters had meant as much to his Godfather as they had to him. "They've been the only thing keeping me sane too."

"A real interest in your studies, not just defense, huh? Sirius came to me for a couple of the questions you asked him," Remus said with a grin.

Harry shrugged, "What else was I supposed to do this summer, mope?"

Remus frowned, opening his mouth to say something but Tonks swept down and challenged Harry to race. Which Harry eagerly agreed to.

By the time Moody let them land they were freezing. But it had been completely worth it to taste the sky again.

oOo

Grimmauld Place was almost unrecognizable. It was, dare Harry even think it clean.

Mrs. Weasley greeted them and Harry started to go around her to go see Sirius. Writing to him had been great but Harry couldn't shake the feeling he was exchanging letters with a deadman. Until Harry saw Sirius for himself, in the flesh, he couldn't really believe his godfather was alive. His godfather who like his parents had died for him, only Sirius had died because of Harry's mistakes.

"No, Harry," Mrs. Weasley, holding him by the shoulder, "There's an Order-"

Harry shrugged her off, his temper rising, "Like any of you have anything important to say. You talk and you talk but your actions are always too late to ever do anyone any good."

Momentarily stunned by Harry's hostility, he was able to get past her. There was a mixed reaction to Harry's barging in, several people looked annoyed or in Snape's case actively scowling, several more looked indifferent as Harry had said, they didn't truly have that much to discuss, while a handful smiled at him. Harry wondered why the Order had even been gathered, Voldemort had yet to return to power, but then maybe it was a good thing the Order was getting a head start.

Harry saw McGonagall who gave him a warm–if small–smile. Harry ignored the Headmaster before the Headmaster had the chance to avert his eyes from Harry's. Sirius stood, his smile radiant, Harry hugged him tightly. Sirius chuckled when Harry nearly squeezed the life out of him and returned the hug just as fiercely.

"How touching," Snape sneered. "But some of us have more important things to do with our time."

Harry let go of Sirius. Before his godfather could start a fight, Harry said in a sincere voice with a huge smile toward the dour wizard, "Sorry, Professor. I'll leave."

Harry grinned at Sirius's shocked expression as he left the room.

Harry ran up the steps. The house elf heads were still in the hall but it was still remarkably dust free compared to his first visit here.

Hermione jumped him as soon as he reached the bedroom they were staying in, Harry hugged her back.

"Oh, Harry, you must be so angry at us!" she started, "Ron, Harry's here!"

Harry smiled at his two best friends, internally laughing at the thought of these younger versions snogging. "I'm not mad, Hermione."

"Hey, Harry!" Ron greeted grinning.

"How have you been?" Harry asked them both.

"Fine," Hermione said warily. She waited but when he didn't blow up at her or demand answers, she asked, "Are you… Are you not mad at us?"

"Nope, not mad," Harry agreed. "Ron, do you want to kick my butt at a game of wizarding chess?"

Ron's face lit up like it was Christmas, "Yeah, sure mate."

Hermione frowned at them, "Um, Harry, you seem calm about the whole dementor attack…"

"I sent Hedwig to Madam Bones," Harry said. Hedwig flew down from her perch in the room to cuddle on Harry's shoulder, "And she said there was nothing to worry about. Fudge is out to get me is all."

Ron and Hermione exchanged a worried glance.

"The Head of Magical Law Enforcement owled you back?"

"Of course she did," he said, "Aside from being Harry Potter, sementor attacks in a muggle suburb is a big enough deal for her to be personally involved in."

"Mate," Ron started slowly. "You sure you're feeling alright?"

"Honestly," Harry assured them, "I'm fine."

"Really?" Hermione asked, "Because at the end of last year you didn't talk to us at all and we were prepared for you to be angry and now… now your–"

"I've been exchanging letters with Sirius almost every other day all summer," Harry said. "I know no one was abandoning me."

Fred and George apparated into the room. "Harry!" they said in unison.

"Hi Gred, hi Forge," Harry said.

They laughed, slinging an arm around his shoulders as they held up extendable ears. "You want to listen in to the Order meeting?"

Harry eyed the ears, yeah he would like to know but–

Mrs. Weasley called them down for supper.

Fred and George sighed.

Fred said, "Guess we are too late this time."

George pocketed the ears, "We had better hide these before Mum trashes these too."

"Is everything going according to plan then?" Harry asked as they headed down the steps.

Harry had put the Triwizard rewards in Fred's pocket with a note.

They smiled at him. George whispered, "Yeah, we got a space in Diagon Alley."

"What are you whispering about now?" Hermione asked giving the twins a suspicious look.

They only smirked at Hermione before disapparating, Mrs. Weasley yelled at them when they re-appeared downstairs.

Harry got to Sirius's side in record time.

Snape turned his chin up at the happy pair only to almost trip at the sight of Kreacher who appeared in front of him.

The elf bowed low, "Kreacher welcomes, Master Potter."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "You two have met?"

"Dobby introduced us," Harry supplied.

"I thought the elf was yours, Sirius?" Snape inquired.

"I thought so too," Sirius said. "But Harry can have him. He seems reasonably civil with him."

Kreacher deepened his bow, so that his large ears brushed the floor, "Kreacher would be honored to serve Master Potter."

"Okay," Sirius agreed. A power washed through the room as Kreacher's loyalties shifted.

"Idiot!" Snape hissed. "Now we will have to re-"

"Kreacher, I forbid you from sharing anything you know, have learned, or have heard as well as will hear and learn with anyone by either magical or mundane means outside the Order without my explicit permission," Harry commanded.

Snape's lips tightened but he gave one short nod and left.

Sirius elbowed Harry, "That's better than the command Albus came up with."

Harry grinned.

"Kreacher will be cleaning, Master can call if he needs Kreacher," the elf said before popping away.

"Why does he like you?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged, "I must remind him of someone."

Sirius frowned at Harry, "I suppose you are sort of like my little brother, even maybe a more than you are like James. Though Reggie got messed up with Death Eaters."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Harry said and he wanted to tell him how Regulus had died fighting against Voldemort. But right now wasn't the time or place for that talk.

Sirius shook himself like a dog shaking off water and Harry saw that their letters had helped him recover more of himself. He looked healthier and more cheerful than he had in their original timeline. It was a ray of hope in what Harry was sure would be a difficult year, even knowing the future, Harry's luck was not to be trusted.

oOo

AN: I know I am making Harry more academically inclined but remember that he is older than his peers now. My Harry will be powerful, smarter but not invincible, he still has a temper and will still make mistakes.

Thoughts, giant dragonflies, or feedback, pretty please?