It was one of those rare moments of absolute, desolate helplessness: the kind where you can only stand there, numbly trying to comprehend your complete and utter lack of any conceivable option whatsoever. It was a feeling I had never experienced to such a degree. Typically, even in the most hopeless of situations, there remains some long-standing regularity for you to follow, or a few factors left in your command to help with that sinking feeling of the loss of control. At the inn, for example, some days were certainly beyond bleak, but I still knew I had a safe bed at night, a locking door, and I also usually knew what tasks would fill my day and where my next meal would come from. I had routine to adhere to, and I even had a certain power over my plans to leave. But this... this was a new kind of vulnerable.
It took me more than a few moments to regain some control over my thoughts and even longer to regulate my breathing. I took a few faltering paces into the now empty cave, looking around slowly, carefully. I strained my ears for any sound, but could hear nothing besides the faint howling of the wind as it raced past the entrance and the regular soft plunk of droplets of water falling from the ceiling. Another step forward and I noticed the cracks sprawling across the ground. I didn't remember seeing them when we first entered the cave, but then, it had been darker due to the storm and my eyes hadn't adjusted before the dwarves had covered the floor with their belongings. Nevertheless, I knelt down to examine the one nearest to me; it was quite a substantial fracture. I leaned closely over it and was startled when I could see light shining up in certain sections; I scooted down the length of the fault a ways, seeing down into a lighted space along the span of it. It was clear that there was something other than just solid rock below this cave.
It didn't take me long in my already tense state to hastily clamber back to the entrance when I began to hear a slight grinding noise. I was lucky in doing so, as then the floor completely gave way, the large slabs of the rock seeming to be on hinges as they swung sharply downward yet did not fall away completely. A dim golden light flooded the entirety of the cave. When nothing happened I put myself on my belly, slid forward and peaked over the edge. I caught a glimpse of an expansive... world.
I appeared to be quite high up however, nothing below but a very long drop with many potential things to hit along the way. I heard cackling and screeching, howling from some deranged creatures that grated my eardrums and made me fight the urge to hide right then. Again, I felt as if I had no options ahead of me, nothing realistic at any rate. As much as I wanted to be the heroine of the story - to bravely toss myself over the ledge and then smoothly fight my way to my friends, ushering them to safety in a glorious and unexpected manner - I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was impossible. I'd be lucky to even survive the fall in one piece. Unlike myself, the dwarves, no matter what situation they might find themselves in, at least had a small chance of fighting their way out. They had strength and combative experience to draw from. It was not the same for me.
I retreated to the entrance and the floor slabs righted themselves, coming to a crushing stop with nothing to show of the secret below save for the cracks along the rock. I hugged my knees to my chest, and sat there thinking, worrying, crying, resolving...
Finally I got up. I had nothing, save for the sword at my hip, the clothes on my back and one canteen half-full of water. I stepped out into the starlight and looked in the direction we had come from. With the movements and destruction of the stone giants, I wasn't sure there would be anything left of the pass we had been following thus far. But looking the other direction I wasn't sure how many miles, or days of travel, lay ahead until I would be out of the mountains. One thing was certain, I couldn't stay in that cave, the night was slipping by and despite my fatigue I knew the smarter option was to put distance between myself and it. Luckily the wind had lessened and the moon was shining bright. The rocky ledges were illuminated enough that I felt comfortable with my ability to keep my footing regardless of the direction I chose.
Looking east, even though an unfamiliar path lay ahead across innumerable peaks, valleys, forests and fields, I knew somewhere in that direction was familiar ground. My life was not completely directionless. Behind me there was only Bree, an Innkeeper and an Inn. Ahead, Laketown and my family; my future. I hesitantly took a step in that direction, then looked back over my shoulder, not at the remains of the High Pass but into the mouth of the cave. Would the dwarves come for me if our situations were reversed?
"Bugger pissing whore's tits - Drat it all to hell!" I shouted in frustration, a string of curses which bore me back to my days in the inn but which strung together into absolute nonsensical lunacy in this instance. Our situations were not reversed. I knew that if they had a choice, the dwarves would continue towards Erebor, towards their home, and that was exactly what I should do. If our meeting was truly meant to be, as Gandalf suspected, maybe we would meet again in time. Until then, there was nothing for it but to continue on. I had set out on this journey alone, intending to walk the leagues alone, and so alone I would carry on.
I started walking briskly, while my courage remained, and kept up my pace even as doubts began to fill my head.
"Still..." I mused out loud to myself as I rounded a corner and my view was opened to the sprawling magnitude of what lay ahead "...the company of a wizard or a dwarf would not go amiss."
After several leagues and a few more ill-used curse words, I completely regretted my gallant decision to carry on, especially at night. I was completely lost, completely exhausted and, to top it all off, very very hungry. I managed to wander off the path and then could not find either the way leading forward or even the one leading back.
I was also in no mood for the orc pack that was suddenly upon me.
I drew my sword, but only to fling it with such fury and frustration that I lost sight of it completely in the grass off to the left of one of the more outlandish looking orcs, who, along with the others, was laughing in what I was sure was truly genuine amusement at the situation and not just to seem scary. I was having none of it.
"Just kill me and be done with it then." I shouted, throwing my hands up dramatically.
A few of the riders circled their wargs close to me; I could smell their rancid odour as they passed by. I fought the urge to gag but instead chose to spit at the feet of one of them.
"Vras gruiuk." one of them commanded.
I tried not to outwardly cower as a few of them closed in on me, their mounts growling and snapping as they approached. I thought of my mom, and my house growing up and all that I had been through the past weeks. And I thought of the dwarves, of Bofur, and hoped that they would not meet this fate. Suddenly the beasts backed away and parted as an immense white warg, carrying an immense white orc, cantered up, lurching to a stop just a few inches away from me.
"Nuzdi-arg nash." The white orc said in a deep harsh voice.
I found I couldn't look away from him despite the fact that he was frightening beyond all compare. He had giant scars running across every inch of bare flesh in patterns that told me they were likely self-inflicted rather than from old wounds. In place of a hand was a spiked iron rod jammed into the severed stump of his arm. He had great fanged teeth and alarmingly blue eyes, sharp and aware. He radiated authority and strength. He was undoubtedly the leader of the group. I then recalled a story. Balin had told it on one of my first nights with the dwarves: a story that described how Thorin had defeated a pale orc by slicing off his arm on the battlefield.
Azog.
This was Azog.
He leapt down from his warg, stroking it absentmindedly as he took a few slow steps towards me. He carried himself proud and upright. I stared up at him defiantly, jutting out my chin and trying not to betray the terror I felt from head to toe.
"Ang gijak-ishi." Azog said, nodding in my direction but looking towards his followers and causing them to laugh unpleasantly once more. He then stepped forward and roughly grabbed my chin, tilting my face up to his. He inhaled deeply through his nose a few times then released his grip, shoving me away from him as he did so.
He said something else in his tongue, pointing to one of his riders who then dismounted and ambled towards us. This one was much slighter in frame and walked with a permanent slouch, yet he carried a cruel looking sword.
"You reek of dwarf-scum." the orc said, startling me by using the Common Speech. "Where are your companions?"
I didn't answer, scowling between the two orcs that stood before me.
Azog growled something and struck me hard across the face with the back of his good hand. I staggered, clutching my cheek, but some cynical sense of humour reminded me that at least it wasn't with his other hand.
The other orc gurgled a laugh. "My master urges you to answer swiftly, or else we will slit open your belly." he appraised me for a moment, grinning wickedly. "Where are the dwarves?"
I hesitated again, but quickly stammered an answer when I saw Azog's arm twitch towards me. "We were parted. I do not know where they are now..." Azog's face contorted inwards in constrained anger and his weapon moved closer. "...but I am to meet them beyond the high pass." I added quickly.
I don't know why I said it, but my self-preservation instincts told me I might live a few minutes longer if they knew I was associated with Thorin, and if I pretended I had information they might require.
Azog and his translator exchanged a few words in their harsh language while I tried to compile my thoughts.
"Why do the dwarves entertain a human girl?" the slouched orc asked perniciously.
I ignored his offensive facial gestures and spoke up confidently. "I am a respected friend of Thorin Oakenshield and a valued member of his company. You would do well not to harm me... or else he will kill you all."
This caused a deep rumble of a chuckle to emit from Azog when he was informed of my words.
"Khozd shrakhun gud sha kilyash zag." he announced as he mounted his great warg once more. He gave a few orders to the riders and a few more dismounted.
"We will soon see how valuable you are." the crooked orc said with a grin as his comrades rushed up, grabbed me and quickly shoved a gag in my mouth. I struggled as they began to try and bind my arms. This turned out to be a wildly bad idea as it only gained me a swift blow to the head. My vision blurred, then darkened. The fight then left me altogether as I fell limp into the arms of the enemy.