Despite not sleeping through most of the night, I felt pleasantly refreshed upon waking. I noticed everyone was crowded around the back door, arguing in hushed voices, so I wandered over to figure out why. As I approached, Gandalf took charge, and I caught the last few words of what he was saying.
"...torn to shreds." He spotted me shortly thereafter and acknowledged me with a slight nod.
"Ah, now that we're all here, I think we had best begin."
Gandalf told Bilbo and I to accompany him first. As I stepped in amidst the throng dwarves, I asked the hobbit in a hushed voice "Bilbo, what was that about being torn to shreds?"
He frowned, then let out a nervous chuckle and said "Our host... just a minute." He spoke up to voice his own concerns, turning to the wizard as he did so. "I-is this a good idea?"
Gandalf immediately replied with a simple 'yes' before going on to outline the rest of his plan.
I didn't mention the fact that I had already met our host, and so without hesitation I proceeded to pick my way towards the door. Many of the dwarves seemed on edge, and so to pass them courageously and without fear drew more than a few second glances. I felt a selfish pride in the raised eyebrow of Thorin Oakenshield. I saw the surprise in the slightest drop of Dwalin's jaw, the pause of Bombur's eating, the slow shake of Gloin's head, and the wobble of hat flaps in the corner of my eye as Bofur turned to watch me follow the wizard outside.
I waited on the back landing and could see Beorn was busy cutting wood. As I watched him, Gandalf poked his head back in to stress the last part of his plan to the dwarves once more. "Remember, wait for the signal."
The three of us then descended and walked the same path I walked the night before at Beorn's behest. Familiarity with both the setting and our host comforted me, but had no such effect on Gandalf, as Bilbo indelicately pointed out.
"You're nervous..." He accused as he walked between us, "...and you're not." he observed, his attention turning from Gandalf to myself.
I quickly tried to sort my thoughts enough to briefly explain, but in doing so I became distracted enough to catch my toe on an exposed root and I faltered slightly in my stride. So much for the courageous entrance. Gandalf spoke up to cover for himself, in any case, drawing the attention away from me. We stopped a moment later, barely out of swinging distance of the massive axe-wielding skin changer.
"Morning!" Gandalf shouted cheerily, putting on his most charming smile only to have it seemingly ignored completely while Beorn took another swing. I suspected this might be another of our host's strange mannerisms that I was introduced to last night... or perhaps he was just being surly. The smile faded from Gandalf's face, and the next swing of the axe flew particularly wide causing him to lean back in alarm.
Bilbo, oh so casual in his movements, positioned himself directly behind the wizard and completely out of Beorn's view. I shot him a look of amused reproach and he held out his hands, mouthing 'what?' as if to ask what else he was supposed to do in the presence of someone over twice his size with a hatred of dwarves - to which hobbits could be remotely compared. I tilted my head thoughtfully and then nodded, having to admit he had a good point.
"Good morning!" Gandalf repeated, causing Beorn to finally pause and let out a frustrated sigh at the interruption while straightening up to full height.
"Who are you?" he growled.
Gandalf replied, and for what I imagined was one of the only times in the wizard's lifetime, however long that might be, someone had not heard of him. I looked between the two, and for the first time on our journey Gandalf seemed less intimidating than someone. Gandalf appeared to falter for a moment before attempting to explain once more. He then went on to try and introduce me, but Beorn cut him off.
"What do you want?"
Gandalf quickly voiced thanks for the hospitality, turning to gesture back towards the house and exposing Bilbo's head peeking out between the pair of us. Realizing he was spotted, I made room for him between us while Gandalf introduced him. I felt truly sorry for him as I noted the look of terror on his face, especially when he was mistaken for a dwarf.
Gandalf managed to convince Beorn otherwise, and then went on to describe our situation leading up to our arrival at his home. As he did, the giant man's icy gaze drifted over to me. I could tell he was trying to put our two stories together, judging both accounts with equal scrutiny.
"What did you go near goblins," The skin changer asked, looking to Gandalf, "...and orcs for?" He looked back to me, and Gandalf clued in for the first time that I might have met our host prior to now.
"Stupid thing to do." Beorn added reproachfully.
"You are absolutely right." Gandalf agreed, gesturing with his hand to stress the fact, however, any further conversation was interrupted when noise from the landing drew our attention back to the house. Beorn hefted his axe once more, and Bilbo and I exchanged looks of combined worry and disbelief at the ill-timed entry of Balin and Dwalin. I looked at them in surprise and annoyance as they nervously shuffled under the violent gaze of the skin changer.
"I must confess that, uh, several of our group are in fact... dwarves." Gandalf stammered.
"Do you call two several?" Beorn asked angrily.
Gandalf attempted to clarify, doing a great deal of muttering. "There could be more than two." he finally admitted, beginning to count on his fingers, and in doing so Bofur sent out two more dwarves, going off of a signal that I expected only his particularly small dwarf-sized brain could see.
It was clear Beorn was becoming extremely agitated. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at the window while more and more dwarves poured out and Gandalf dug himself into a deeper and deeper hole. My hands balled up in frustration, until finally at one point I flattened them out and made what I was sure was a clear sign to Bofur to stop or I would do something very unpleasant to him. However, he took that to mean 'bring everyone else out' and he promptly did just that. Bofur stood there, smiling so proudly that I had to look away to keep myself from rushing to throttle him senseless.
"Is that it?" Beorn asked, seeming to come to grasps with the fact that he was harbouring over a dozen dwarves. "Are there any more?"
Thorin then emerged, and a look of recognition eased onto the features of our host.
"Go back inside, wizard." Beorn ordered, almost shooing him away. I saw Gandalf take in a breath - perhaps relieved that he was not going to have to deal with the swinging end of an axe after all.
"Take the dwarves with you," Beorn continued, "and bring wood. Get a fire going. You will tell me everything."
I turned to go with them, but Beorn caught my eye as the rest began to shuffle back inside.
"Come, I would speak with you once more. Help me gather the eggs." He leaned his axe up against the chopping block and then made for the chicken coop without another word, and just like the night before I followed without question.
"You left out much last night." Beorn began as he handed me a basket.
"I did not want to be the bearer of bad news." I said with a grin as we began collecting the large brown eggs hidden amidst nests of hay. "I was nervous to tell you about them." I added more seriously.
"Why are you travelling with these dwarves?" he asked after a moment's thought.
I told him of my home in Esgaroth and tried to pass off my reluctance to travel alone as the main reason for staying amidst their company.
"Do you trust them?" Beorn asked, fixing me with a hard stare when I was finished speaking.
"Yes." I said without thinking.
"You should not." he replied gruffly. "They are dangerous. They care not for other races. How much do you truly know of their kind besides fairy stories?"
I looked away, biting my lip and swallowing the words of defence I wanted to say, but part of me feared he was right.
"My people were first to settle in the mountains. When Durin and his kin awoke from their slumber, they were a skilled and hardy folk, but unwise to the ways of the world as it was. We helped them. Then the orcs came and my people were enslaved. The dwarves did not help us. That is their true nature."
His expression had turned fierce and self-consciously his hand grasped at the metal shackle on his wrist. Seeing my expression though, he released it.
"You care for them." he stated quietly. "That is unwise." He did not elaborate further but nodded at my now full basket and gestured me to follow him once more.
He led me out and further into the yard. I became aware of a growing buzzing noise and noticed we were making for the bee hives. I hesitated when we got near.
"Do not fear them." Beorn added casually, walking directly up to the massive hives as the giant bees lazily droned by. I cautiously stepped up beside him and watched with fascination as he harvested two large combs dripping with honey and wrapped them in a piece of linen before adding them to the basket with the eggs. He then turned to look down at me.
"The path of Thorin Oakenshield grows dangerous," he began. "It is no longer safe to travel among them. They will not protect you."
I opened my mouth to object, but he cut me off.
"You can stay. Until they are gone from these parts. Then I would show you a safer path towards your homeland."
I blinked up at the large beast of a man, stunned by his offer, then thanked him as sincerely as I could, stating I would think about it. He said no more as we walked back to the house.
During breakfast Beorn asked of Azog, after which Bilbo had the courage to enquire about the skin-changers. I listened on in silence, my heart growing heavy upon hearing that he was the last of his kind. I wondered how he coped with the loneliness and felt quite sad for him.
"You need to reach the mountain before the last days of autumn?" Beorn asked as he refilled mugs with cold milk.
"Before Durin's Day falls, yes." Gandalf responded. He explained their route on the Elven Road through the forest.
"The Wood-Elves of Mirkwood are not like their kin." Beorn told us. "They're less wise and more dangerous. But it matters not... These lands are crawling with orcs. Their numbers are growing, and you are on foot. You will never reach the forest alive."
I could feel the tension in the room grow thick.
"I don't like dwarves." Beorn said. "They do not care for their companions." he glanced pointedly at me and I noticed a few of them squirm uncomfortably before I glanced down in embarrassment.
"They're greedy and blind," Beorn continued, looking at Thorin intently, "blind to the lives of those they deem lesser than their own."
Beorn paused, staring down at the dwarf-lord.
"But orcs I hate more." he said finally. "What do you need?"
After breakfast Beorn busied himself in packing fresh supplies for the company, and the dwarves had an opportunity to explore the property until Beorn was ready to have them saddle the ponies. I wandered outside with many of them, enjoying the morning sun with a full belly.
Like in Rivendell, I once again had the rare opportunity of feeling like I had absolutely nothing to do. My days in Bree had been filled with cleaning up after the night before and preparing for the next. The grand majority of my time since departing the Inn was spent travelling, riding, fighting or - and it felt crazy to even acknowledge it - flying, along with the typical duties of making and breaking camp. Now, the warmth of the sun in this sweet smelling paradise made it easy to shake the feeling of anxiety I got without a job to keep me busy.
On a whim, I unfastened my boots and eased my bare feet onto the lush grass, flexing my toes luxuriously at the feeling. My path ambled along the edge of the lawn, following the wall of hedges in a circuit back to my starting point. Beneath sprawling branches I felt protected from the world in a way I had not felt since a child. What would it be like to stay in such a place for a while? Would my childhood home still be like this?
I spotted Bofur making his way towards the back door of the house. His attention was wholly fixed on his pipe, and he seemed bound and determined not to take any notice of me. I increased my pace, aiming to cut him off, and managed to intercept him at the foot of the stairs onto the landing.
Bofur, however, simply shouldered past and started up the steps without even a glance towards me. This fuelled the anger that had been sitting heavy in my gut. I was at the end of my tolerance.
"You did a right job of it earlier you know." I said snidely.
Bofur seemed startled to hear me address him. He stopped and hesitated before turning around to face me, for once being able to look down at me from his vantage point on the third step.
"What?" he asked, appearing genuinely confused, which irritated me even more.
"Watching for the signal!" I huffed. "You nearly ruined everything; our host was about ready to tear us all to shreds."
I knew this was not the case, but I wanted to get a rise out of him.
"What?" Bofur repeated, sounding slightly offended. "Gandalf was signalling, and I sent them out in pairs just like he told us."
"He wasn't signalling at all yet!" I scorned.
"Yes. He was." Bofur insisted.
I shook my head and Bofur moved to continue on his way inside, but I didn't want to stop talking. I didn't want him to shut me out again; and some twisted part of me preferred fighting to being ignored altogether.
"He asked me to stay you know." I blurted out before he could start walking off. "Beorn."
He jerked to a halt and turned towards me once more, but he refused to meet my eyes.
"And what did you say?" he asked quietly.
"I haven't decided." I replied hotly. I knew how I wanted this conversation to end. I did not want to be parted from the company, but he needed to forgive me, and, if he had feelings for me at all, I wanted to know.
"But maybe I should stay." I added slowly, trying to bait him. "Until the road is safe again. Thorin would certainly be glad to be rid of me."
I expected him to object, to assure me to stay with them and then everything could go back to the way it was... but Bofur simply nodded, and my plan was foiled.
"Aye." he said softly. "We've led you into too much peril already."
I felt my shoulders tense and my hackles rise, especially when he turned to leave.
"Is that it then?" I half-shouted, my voice strained with emotion. "Is that all you have to say to me?"
Bofur finally met my gaze and looked at me helplessly. He shrugged slightly. "What would you have me say?" he asked gently.
I faltered for a moment, trying to reel in my frustration and growing sadness. It must have all been true, what Thorin had said. It was below his dignity to even consider me... I meant nothing to him.
"Just tell me." I said, slowly and flatly." If I were a dwarf, instead of a human, would things be different?"
His eyes widened but then he shook his head. "That has nothing to do with it." he said sadly.
"That has everything to do with it!" I shouted, my voice cracking at the end with a sob.
He suddenly stepped down towards me, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation, but the sharp motion of it instinctively made me flinch away from him.
But nothing happened, and I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me, his arms at his sides and his expression somewhere between horror and sorrow.
"I'm sorry." I whispered quickly, horrified at myself. It was a purely physical reaction. After being around rough men for the past few years, I subconsciously expected a quick cuff for my insolence. But I knew better with Bofur, he was not the hitting kind.
"You know I would never - could never-" he began, his voice breaking up. Finally his eyes met mine and they were so full of heartbreaking anguish that I had to look away. He reached up his hand and slowly brushed the back of his fingers against my cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment and a few tears escaped.
"I would never hurt you." Bofur said quietly as he withdrew his touch.
"You already have." I whispered as he turned to leave, the slight pause in his steps being the only indication that he had heard me at all. I willed him to say something - to do something - to mend what was fracturing around us. When he did not look back and I heard the soft click of the door closing behind him, I sank down to the stairs to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.
"I'd like to stay."
I had found Beorn in a stable out back organizing blankets and makeshift riding gear.
Beorn nodded. "This is good news." he said. "You should wait inside the gate while I take them to their ponies."
I walked with him back to the house, trying to determine if I had just made the right choice. I felt slightly panicked, but the thought of forcing my presence where it clearly was not wanted was just as unsettling. I helped to set the table for a light lunch and tried not to feel nostalgic as I squeezed amidst the dwarves as usual and listened to them gruffly speak of the travel plans as we ate. I hadn't voiced my decision to stay behind to any of them; Bofur was the only one that knew it was even an option, and I couldn't stop my eyes from settling on him from time to time. If this was to be the last time I would see him, I couldn't help but take the opportunity to try to etch his face into my mind so I might remember him later, when it no longer hurt to think of him. At one point his eyes locked onto mine. I tried to convey through that simple look my confusion, regret, devotion, heartbreak... It seemed both an eternity and a mere second later when one of us looked away; I don't remember who it was. The rest of my lunch was tasteless in my mouth but I ate mechanically, my eyes fixed on my plate.
After lunch I watched with detached interest as Beorn passed out new rations and some light supplies to the dwarves and Gandalf. I planned to pull the wizard aside to let him know of Beorn's offer, but was waiting for an opportunity to do so without so many dwarves close by. I didn't want to make a scene. The company made ready to leave and Beorn headed outside to begin to lead them to the stables.
I waited until most of them were out the door before I cleared my throat and moved to cut Gandalf off in order to speak with him privately. However, before I could say anything Bombur stepped in my way, looking up at me with an odd doleful expression. I frowned as I saw Gandalf head out the door with the others. I looked back to Bombur, who hadn't moved and was blocking my path quite effectively. After a few awkward moments of silence and seeing no easy way to sidle past him, I cleared my throat.
"Um, can I help you with anything?" I asked as gently as I could in my irritated state. He looked up at me, his eyes wide.
"Don't leave." he said quietly. I felt my jaw actually drop. I had never heard Bombur speak before, to anyone.
I was too stunned to stammer anything more than "what?"
He looked around the room self-consciously then up at me again, his expression more urgent. "Don't leave us now... He needs you."
He said nothing more but turned and followed his comrades outside, leaving me staring at the door, my mind reeling.
I rushed outside after I spent a few moments sorting my thoughts and then jogged up to the front of the group to catch up with Beorn.
"I need to go." I exclaimed, slightly out of breath. "I'm sorry. I'd like to stay, I really would, but I must leave with them."
Beorn peered down at me and made a gruff noise in acknowledgement, he then passed me a bag he had been carrying. I looked at him inquisitively then unfastened the top to see it was full of the same provisions he had prepared for each of the dwarves.
"You knew I'd be going?" I asked him curiously as I closed then shouldered the bag.
"I thought you might." he responded, "Still I caution you to be careful. I can see the pull these dwarves have on your heart, and I fear they will not respect it as they should."
When we reached the stables, Beorn instructed the dwarves to grab a few blankets each and the rope bridles he had tied earlier. He handed me a bridle as well, and directed Gandalf to the only proper horse saddle and tack in the building.
After shouldering a few blankets himself, he led us back outside and into the paddock where the animals were waiting.
I was surprised when Beorn guided me to a large black draft horse. I looked around to see the dwarves preparing their piebald ponies, but Gandalf was next to a work horse that matched my own so I presumed Beorn did not own anything more suitable for riding.
Beorn blanketed the horse for me and I approached it with growing anticipation. It would be good to ride again, even though I felt a pang of sorrow for my first loyal mount. If I stayed, I could work with the horses here. Perhaps Beorn would have even parted with one, if I were taking a safer route. I reached up to stroke along the large animal's neck, looking into its eyes, but there I saw only the same wildness that was held in Beorn's. There would be no keeping this creature. It would bear us to our destination, and then return to the freedom and safety it knew.
Beorn then placed his hands under my arms and easily lifted me up onto the tall beast as if I weighed nothing at all. With my new height advantage on horseback I was able to look Beorn level in the eyes.
"Thank you." I said weightily. He had shown me much kindness and I had no way to repay him save for my gratitude. I leaned over and wrapped an arm around his neck, squeezing him as best I could with a half hug. He placed a large hand on my back, perhaps more to steady me than a return gesture, regardless, I pressed a rough kiss against his cheek before I released him and straightened up, adjusting my seat once more.
We wasted no time in leaving the paddock once ready, led by Beorn who with great strides kept an easy pace with the cantering horses. I was quick to remember how rough travel on horseback could be, and longed to encourage my horse forward into a more comfortable gait, but held back knowing that keeping them fresh would be our only chance of survival if a warg pack caught up.
We stopped in a shelter of trees where Beorn was to leave us. Gandalf dismounted and went to speak privately with the skin-changer, and some of the others also jumped down to check and re-adjust their improvised saddles once more. After a few minutes Thorin became impatient and ordered everyone to get ready, calling out to Gandalf to end his conversation.
Beorn then approached my horse and steadied it with a hand on its neck, grabbing the reins to keep us in place for a moment.
"Look after yourself, and those you care about." he said to me gravely. "I fear there are no safe paths left in the world... You are always welcome here."
I opened my mouth to thank him once more - for everything - but the harsh screaming of a murder of crows being disturbed in the distance caused him to drop the reins, holding his hand up to halt me from speaking. He looked past me to Gandalf, then backed away from my horse.
"Go now, while you have the light."
I gripped my reins tight and nudged my horse, turning it about just as a howl announced the cause of the birds' displeasure.
We rode hard across the rolling landscape, the horses hardly needing encouragement, and reached the outskirts of forest within three days time while the sun was still high. Gandalf dismounted and approached an ancient archway hidden just beyond the treeline.
"Here lies our path through Mirkwood." he called back. His attention then seemed to focus on something behind us and I turned in my saddle to see a large bear watching from a distant ridge.
"Set the ponies loose." Gandalf instructed. "Let them return to their master."
We all dismounted and began removing our supplies from the animals while Gandalf explored the path entrance. I gave my horse a last pat and turned him loose with the ponies.
"Not my horse! I need it." Gandalf suddenly shouted, emerging with haste from the shadows of the forest.
"You're not leaving us?" Bilbo asked.
"I would not do this unless I had to." Gandalf replied, looking at all of us solemnly. He spoke a few soft words with the hobbit and then walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"It is no light task to gain the respect of Beorn." he said quietly. "Yet you managed it in the span of a day. He urged me to look after you, yet I did not expect to be called away so soon." He looked down at me thoughtfully. "Be wary!" he continued after a moment. "This forest will test you more than the others. Humans are more susceptible to the magics of the world." I nodded and he began to step away, but then suddenly stalled, seeming to remember something. "Oh," he added, chewing on his words a bit then leaning down slightly to keep his voice low. "It is no bad thing to develop bonds between races. These are honourable dwarves, stubborn as they are. It is not unheard of for their loyalty to extend beyond their kin..."
He patted me on the shoulder once more as I felt my cheeks grow warm. He then addressed Thorin. "I'll be waiting for you at the overlook, before the slopes of Erebor. Keep the map and key safe. Do not enter that mountain without me."
Gandalf started towards his horse. "This is not the Greenwood of old." he explained to the group. "The very air of the forest is heavy with illusion. It will seek to enter your mind and lead you astray." He adjusted his saddle then mounted up. A light rain began to fall despite rays of sun shining through breaks in the cloud. "You must stay on the path," he cautioned, "do not leave it. If you do, you will never find it again."
He then wheeled his horse around and urged it into a gallop, but he called over his shoulder once more as he rode away, "No matter what may come, stay on the path!"
A silence settled on the group as we all looked to the forest, feeling alone and somewhat vulnerable without the wizard's guidance. There was a large moment of trepidation before Thorin finally broke the stillness and started forward into the trees. "Come on. We must reach the mountain before the sun sets on Durin's Day."
I watched the dwarves step onto the path then I took a deep breath of crisp air before I followed them into the darkness.
I thought I was prepared for what lie ahead.
I was wrong.