I left the exam room in a daze, my mind racing and my heart pounding. Directionless, I just started walking, but after a while and with no one I'm sight, I stopped and leaned back against the wall of yet another deserted corridor, giving myself some time to process. I tried to remember all the instances I had felt sick or strange, and then struggled to recall everything I had ever heard about pregnancy. My thoughts were in a turmoil, but I couldn't quite deny the fact that the touch and go nature of my more extreme symptoms, along with the steady but unexplainable fatigue I'd been feeling for quite some time now, did match rather common pregnancy ailments. Of course, with no inkling that I could even become pregnant, I wouldn't have connected the obvious, hence being sent to the renowned royal healer for such a simple prognosis.

Frowning, I brought my hand up and rubbed it over the contour of my stomach. It did seem different. Here I had been blaming the dwarven fare for its slightly enhanced shape as of late… but perhaps the food was not the culprit after all. I also couldn't even remember the last time I'd had my cycle; it had been several months at least.

I couldn't rationalize it. I couldn't begin to grasp the meaning of it. Yet suddenly I found I did believe it. On a whole, it didn't make any sense at all… and yet it did for me, for my body… everything added up and pointed to the same conclusion.

I was pregnant.

For a moment I felt suddenly fearful, for the analytical part of my mind argued that it could not possibly be Bofur's. Humans and dwarfkind just did not, could not, interbreed - so I started to panic as I began to wonder: had something happened that I just couldn't remember? Had I been in a situation where I drank too much, or passed out alone? Could someone have taken advantage of me when I was vulnerable? Could I have blocked out an unpleasant memory?

But no.

My breathing evened out and I felt a sense of calm radiate through me. There were no missing gaps, or forgotten misdeeds. Everything was accounted for.

It could only be Bofur's.

I was carrying Bofur's child.

The rest of the walk I fell into an intoxicating state of euphoria. True, I had to wander for some time before I came across a part of the mountain I was familiar with, but I was so caught up in thought that even backtracking and the odd dead end couldn't bring down my spirits. This was everything. Everything we could ever have wanted… beyond our wildest hopes… beyond our wildest dreams. We were being blessed, with the greatest blessing imaginable. By Durin, or by the Creator… who knows, but I was overflowing with gratitude and joy by the time I arrived at my rooms.

"That was fast." Bofur announced from his work table in the back as he heard the door shut behind me. I listened to his chair scrape along the floor and a moment later saw him appear in the entrance to the sitting room.

I didn't know what to do, I suddenly felt frozen, save for my hands - which were shaking from the high level of pure emotion that was pulsing through my entire body. Bofur frowned and rushed up to me, grabbing my hands to still them as his eyes studied my own.

"What is it?" he asked quietly, squeezing my fingers. "Is it bad?"

I shook my head and then was able to let some of my elation shine through as I beamed at him.

"No, no it's not bad." I assured with a smile, though my voice was slightly strained as I struggled to keep my composure. Finally I could no longer contain my elation and so flung my arms over his shoulders and buried my face into his neck as tears of happiness began to fall. "Bofur," I choked out into the collar of his shirt, almost laughing, despite also crying. "I'm pregnant."

If I hadn't been on such a high myself, I might have been disappointed that Bofur didn't happily question me only to then swirl me in the air in complete excitement as the news sunk in. As it was, his embrace suddenly stiffened and I simply regarded him with confused curiosity as he stepped back and held me out at arm's length, looking at me very intently as he asked me to repeat myself.

"That cannot be true." he said, his voice low as he dropped his hands from me altogether.

I nodded. "I know, I thought so too at first, but it is true." I insisted happily, my state of bliss being only slightly dampened by his doubt.

He shook his head and turned away from me, bringing a hand up to his face. Suddenly he seemed unexplainably weary, and I didn't quite know how to process his odd reactions. "Bofur, what's wrong…?" I implored tentatively.

Bofur sighed. "I thought after being married officially, and for a few weeks at that, we wouldn't have to face such ridiculous…" he trailed off, finally processing my excitement just as the last of it was draining from my face. "Ah love, I'm so sorry… there's been all manner of rumours and nonsense about us - I've tried to put an end to it all… but you must see, this has to be some sort of sick joke, though I can't believe someone would stoop that low…"

I stared at him, confused, but then surged forward and grabbed his hands. "Bofur, no. I saw the Healer. She wouldn't lie about something like this."

Again Bofur shook his head and pulled back from me once more. "Anyone can be bought, I'm afraid, and who knows - maybe she was offended by her time being taken up on a human. I have to get to the bottom of this." Suddenly he was turning to leave and my heart leapt into my throat. This wasn't how this was supposed to go.

"Bofur, wait! You're wrong-"

"I need you to lock the door when I leave, and stay here until I return, please." he begged as he turned to face me once more, grabbing my arms tight. "Barely anyone knew of your appointment. If the Healer was put up to this, it was by someone very very important, and who knows what other misdeeds they might be planning." He searched my eyes for compliance, and I looked back, frightened by the conviction in his. He took my lack of further protest as acknowledgement, and then gave my arms a squeeze.

"I don't know how long I'll be gone, but please, stay put, and don't tell anyone about any of this." With that, I noticed his eyes dart over my shoulder tentatively - towards his mattock, to my dismay, but then he simply grumbled and turned to make his departure.

I stood utterly flummoxed in his wake as he left me.

I had half a mind to go after him on whatever crusade he imagined himself on - to continue to try and persuade him the same way the Healer's acolyte had persuaded me - and I even made it to the door, but when I reached out to it I stopped. The seeds of doubt he had planted in my mind were weeding their way in and taking root, finding buried in my mind all the insecurities from my troubled past that were lurking surprisingly close to the surface considering how far I supposed I had come; insecurities which happened to be well founded, and had proven to keep me from harm on many occasions.

I locked the door, and found my suspicious gaze drawn to my own weapon, not with any intent to arm myself and barricade the apartment for an imagined siege, just to reassure myself that it was still there… but then I did strap the blade about my waist, and felt a small part of the growing tightness in my chest recede. I then retreated to the balcony to take what comfort I could from the open skies, wishing for the first time in a long while to put distance between me and the soul-crushing weight of the mountain and its inhabitants. And yet, the sight of the world of men brought little solace. My thoughts darkened progressively as the hours passed, the sun dipped below the western ridge line, and all the valley's features began to muddy together.

Who could benefit from such a cruel trick?

For all I knew the acolyte could have spun any manner of story since the Healer was not even present when she told me my diagnosis. But if the acolyte was to blame, why then the invasive medical examination after a brief feel of my breasts? Surely that was not a standard procedure for someone who wasn't pregnant. Everything I was led to believe about the Healer indicated that she was some sort of miracle worker, so for her to undergo such a procedure meant she had to have good reason. Unless…

That only left the Healer herself, and who was I, a poor simple human girl, to question the word of the closest person to a dwarven deity that I had ever met?

Why would such an esteemed person even feel the need to stoop so low as to humiliate me? Why not just give me a real diagnosis and move on?

My suspicions began leading me towards more and more radical theories, and I briefly entertained the idea that the Healer had purposefully misled me, sending me off with a mind full of maternal thoughts just to distract me from noticing some other serious malady that would eventually prove fatal without further treatment. Perhaps she wanted me gone, perhaps they all did, but no one dared to dirty their hands and do the deed themselves… perhaps they would secretly celebrate to see my already short lifespan cut even shorter through some wrongly diagnosed illness... or perhaps I was actually being slowly poisoned-

No.

I was being ridiculous.

I gave my head a small shake, trying to rid my mind of such unhelpful thoughts.

With a huff I returned inside and set my sword back in its place, only to find I had to take a few deep breaths. I was feeling that same nauseous sickly feeling I got now and again - from the pregnancy some might say, if there was such a thing, but more likely from not eating since breakfast. Being weak from hunger wouldn't help my case no matter what news Bofur returned with, and so I made my way to the kitchen. I stopped at the corner of the main room though, and then smiled and shook my head.

Listen to your body. The acolyte had said.

Right now my body was telling me I wanted nothing else in the world more than a big jar of pickled eels.

'I must be pregnant'. I thought, and with my unease kept at bay, for at least a little while, I set about tending to my needs.

I heard Bofur finally return to our quarters quite late in the night. I had already been lying in bed, but of course sleep was well beyond my grasp since both my head and heart were still reeling from such an emotionally turbulent day. When Bofur didn't immediately come into the bedroom, I got up and fetched my robe, desperate to hear what he had learned. Over the course of the evening, I had time to reflect even more deeply on my current predicament, and of Bofur's hasty response - to simply accept lies and foul play rather than hoping for the miracle that we could very well be experiencing. If Bofur confirmed what the acolyte had told me was true, I was willing to blame his actions on the suspicious nature of dwarves, to forgive and forget, but truthfully I was more than a little fearful of what Bofur might have to tell me. What if he'd found out that it all had been a lie? I wasn't sure what my reaction would be, and could very well end up having a bit of a breakdown of unknown proportions.

I had an image in my head, of us both accepting this wondrous, unbelievable surprise, and then celebrating it, rejoicing in it, weeping for joy over our good fortune.

And then we lived happily ever after.

I was almost surprised by the sudden fierceness of the desire I felt, wishing for this fantasy to come true.

I took a breath, trying to calm my nerves once more, and then tentatively peeked out into our main living space. Bofur seemed to be busy setting the table for tea, which I took for a good omen.

He turned when I tiptoed out and indicated to a chair. "Come, sit." he said, and his tone sounded light enough, so I smiled tentatively at him as I obliged his request.

I let him work in silence for a few minutes, idly wondering if I should offer to take over the brew so that I would not have to pretend to like it - Bofur truly made awful tea.

It was only then that I noticed his hands were trembling as he poured out and handed me my cup. My breath caught in my throat, for that simple tremor alone made my bones chill and my blood turn to ice, as I had never, ever seen a dwarf, even in the face of life-threatening and unimaginable danger, show any sign of unsteadiness whatsoever.

"Bofur, what is it?" I asked quietly, carefully setting the drink down and placing a hand on his arm. "What's wrong?"

Bofur finally stilled and met my eye. The anguish behind his own simply flabbergasted me, and I began to feel true fear tickle its way down my back. Bofur closed his eyes and shook his head, then, with a sigh, he slumped down on the chair next to my own.

"She gave it to me. The Healer." he said, his own voice quiet as well, and monotonous enough for me to tell that his words were well rehearsed. "She assured me it's safe for you, and if you drink three cups within an hour's span… well, that would be enough…"

I suddenly became acutely aware that he hadn't poured any tea for himself.

"Enough for what?" I could no longer look at him, especially when he did not immediately answer. I stared down into the cup before me, now wondering at its contents. As the seconds dragged on, my anxiety increased, and it took all of my self control to simply keep my breathing in check.

Finally, finally, Bofur responded. "To make things go back the way they were." he half whispered, and my head snapped up to gape at him.

"What exactly do you mean?" I asked clippingly; my own voice sounded strange and strained in my ears.

Bofur finally locked eyes with me once more, and he reached out to take hold of my hand. "Amrâlimê," he began, his voice so soft that I worried what hard words it was meant to disguise. "I spoke with the Healer, and she confirmed that you're… well, it's the only solution for us... for you. This will end the… ah, pregnancy." the word came out raspy and choked, the impossibility of it all clearly still hard for him to overcome. He swallowed hard, but followed it up quickly when he saw the look of horror on my face. "She said the pain would be mild and it would all be over by tomorrow."

I pushed out of my chair so fast that it fell to the floor with a loud clatter. Bofur stood up as well, but I began backing away from him, awkwardly scrambling over my tipped chair. He held up his hands, trying to calm me, but I could hear nothing of the words he said now.

"I don't understand! Bofur, what on earth are you talking about?" I stammered, still taking cautious steps back. "You want me to drink some- what? Poison? To- to kill our- our child? How could you- What is wrong with you!?"

The back of my heel collided with something solid and I found I was up against a wall. I let my back lean against the cool stone and tried to find some clarity in a moment of stillness, as thankfully Bofur was no longer spouting false comforts and he had held back, giving me some space. Finally when I felt my head was no longer spinning, I regarded him, but could only manage to vocalize one more word: "Why?"

Bofur's face fell at the sorrow in my tone. He said my name as he took one slow step towards me. "You have to understand that even if this baby were mine, it would be dangerous for you to try to carry a dwarven child. She told me that your body… it just isn't designed the same… dwarven bairns are heavy-set in late pregnancy; they grow for longer, and grow larger, they have bigger heads... You just don't have wide enough-"

"Wait." I cut him off, holding up a hand and pushing myself off the wall as I fully registered his words. "Even if this baby were mine?" I repeated with incredulity. "You… you don't even think that it is?"

Bofur stared at me with an expression I couldn't, for the life of me, place. Eventually he took another step towards me, holding up his hands again as if in surrender.

"Lass, you know I wish with all my heart that this child could be mine, but we- I can't let myself believe that we could do what has never been done before. It's just not possible. We aren't that special, I'm sorry to say. The gods, if they exist or even care, haven't set us on this path. I know because this isn't some elvish fairy tale, this is real life." He looked desperate to convince me, but when I did not meet his eye he changed tact once more.

"Look, in real life things happen… mistakes… things a man could forgive, but I need you to be honest with me…" he trailed off and waited.

Eventually I looked up at him, and although I felt nearly irreparably hurt by his accusation, I replied with every ounce of conviction and truth and fealty I could muster into both my voice and expression.

"Bofur, this is, and can only be, your baby."

His response was just as painful for he simply sighed, ever so quietly. I felt tears beginning to well in my eyes but I willed myself to keep my composure.

"Tell me true, lass, do you want to be with me still?" he asked.

"Yes! Of course I do!" I half shrieked, trying, but failing to control my voice. I looked at him incredulously, still wholly unable to understand what exactly was happening.

Bofur then turned and backtracked to the table where he picked up my abandoned cup of whatever lethal concoction the herbalist had brewed for me. I shook my head and tried to back away once more, forgetting the wall was so near and painfully bumping against it in my haste.

"This is the only way we can go forward, together." Bofur explained gently.

"How can you say that?" I hissed, tears now falling freely down my face.

"Because in the mind of every dwarf and dwarrowdam in this mountain, you bearing my child is impossible." he retorted with a frustrated edge to his voice, his matter-of-fact, biting tone commanding my attention despite my distress.

"Once the word gets out, you will be labelled as the worst kind of oathbreaker. You will be ostracized, and anyone who interacts with you, or has ever even been kind to you, will be scrutinized, if not completely shunned from polite society. Then, shortly thereafter, you will be exiled. Dain will lose all credibility in his rule for such poor judgement. I will become a laughing stock for such poor judgement. No one you care about, human or dwarf, will be spared from the avalanche that this unleashes, and what's more, you will have forever tarnished the slow growing bonds of trust that our two races have been trying to develop together." He looked at me, fiercely imploring me to see what he believed to be reason, but in the face of my adversity his bluster left him once more. He tried to continue, but his words grew meek. "And even if it were mine, by some fluke... and against all odds, I would not allow you to endanger your life trying to bear it. I would not risk losing you."

I bit my lip and nodded angrily, not in agreement, but just as a display that I finally understood his reasoning. "So you're really not going to give me a choice in this?" I asked, my voice breaking up as I did so.

"There is no choice, love." His voice was soft this time. "Unless…" he paused, and I looked at him in desperation, waiting for him to finally suggest something good and wholesome, something that made sense. His next words, however, only proved to shatter my last and final hope. "Unless you wish to leave now, to seek out… other company."

Something hardened inside me then, as if my heart turned to iron, for suddenly my simpering composure became frigid as ice. "Other company?" I retorted, my own words now cool and crisp, my glowering eyes daring him to carry on.

"In Dale." he added noncommittally, though his eyes began to search mine more pressingly.

"Bofur, if you have something else to say, just show some courage and say it!" I urged, feeling a red hot rage begin to hijack my sadness. "Go on, I want to see you be brave, because Durin knows you've been nothing but a coward since you returned."

His face darkened and he scowled at me more fiercely than I believe he ever had. The hand still holding my cup shook once more, causing a small amount of the liquid to spill out over the side onto his fingers before he steadied himself. "Fine. If you want me to say it plainly, I would find a way to release you from this marriage if you wish to go be with the father of the child instead."

"And who exactly do you think that is?" I spat.

"Don't make me say his ridiculous name!" he growled, taking another quick step towards me. This time I did not cower back but instead set my jaw against him "I knew letting you go to Dale was a mistake!" he continued hotly.

"You are delusional!" I half shouted, cutting him off while trying to resist the urge to rush forth and smack him. "Are you really so insecure? So small-minded? I would never be unfaithful to you! Especially with Hall of all people." I gestured towards the balcony and the city of Dale off somewhere beyond the wall. "He is not the father. You are!" I emphasized with a finger now levelled towards him. "How can you not see that this is a miracle, that we've been blessed?"

Bofur said nothing but looked at me with a level of hurt that I had not yet seen on his face before. That broke my last defence of anger and I began to crumble. I drew back, covering my face with my hands as I began to cry in earnest. I lost track of time as I broke down completely, and finally when the sobs began to ebb, I was able to spare a glance at Bofur, who still stood there as before, looking just as lost as I felt. Eventually he cleared his throat and ventured to finally close the distance between us.

"Please, just…" he couldn't seem to finish his sentence but instead dropped his gaze and held out the cup to me.

I looked from him to it, and then a new wave of fury coursed through me so quickly, and with such strength that I felt I had no real control of my actions. I suddenly surged forward, shrieking incoherently while I slapped the mug out of his hand, causing it to shatter against the floor.

"GET OUT!" I screamed at him. I then shoved him on his chest so hard that he stumbled back, and I knew not whether it was due to him being caught off guard by my attack, or if my blind anger had momentarily given me superhuman strength - for dwarves on solid stone cannot be so easily moved.

"GO!" I demanded, advancing on him once more as I pointed a trembling finger at the door.

He began backing towards the exit, but the look of stricken surprise on his face caused my level of outrage to begin to subside. I stopped and then felt my whole body begin to shake as fresh tears impaired my vision once more.

"Get out." I repeated, my voice now hoarse from yelling. "Get out and stay away until you come to your senses... I don't care how long it takes."

Bofur reached the door but before he opened it, he said my name and tried to appeal to me. I shook my head.

"Just go." I begged. "Please." I cast my gaze to the floor. I could not bear to look at him any longer, for the shame of both our actions was becoming too great a weight to bear.

I heard the door finally open and out of the corner of my eye I saw him begin to leave.

"I hate you right now." I whispered before he could fully cross the threshold. He faltered a moment, I knew he heard me, I had wanted him to, but he said nothing more and a moment later the door shut with some finality behind him.