Rewritten at last
TW: Anxiety/panic attack
0815, Jan 13th, 2062
M4 sat alone, staring at the three empty seats at her table. Before her were the remnants of her breakfast, which she'd been slowly picking at over the last half hour.
She hadn't been alone at the start. M14, Wa2000, and Nagant had all been eating with her. However, at 0745 all three had gotten up, said their goodbyes, returned their plates, and wandered off. They were scheduled for their QRF rotation at 0800, and therefore would be unavailable until 1600 when they got off.
They had told her she could come visit, that they would essentially just be hanging in the ready room with little to do beyond some menial tasks to complete, but a mere fifteen minutes into their shift felt far too early to make that visit. M4 wasn't too sure how long would be appropriate to wait, but she had no ideas on how else to spend her day today.
She wasn't scheduled for anything, the same as yesterday. However, unlike yesterday, she couldn't spend time with Third Echelon, or RS9, or the commander, as they were all back on duty. She wasn't even due for repairs or maintenance.
Perhaps you could try making some new friends?
M4 glanced around the cafe. She didn't recognize any of the dolls there, nor any of the humans. The only one whose name she knew was Springfield, currently working the coffee bar.
She glanced back down at her plate, and discovered another little scrap of pancake she'd missed. She speared it on her fork, dipped it in the drying puddle of syrup on her plate, and then stuck it in her mouth.
Well, isn't this sad.
M4 let out a sigh, set down her fork, and then slumped deep into her chair.
Across the room, the door to the cafe flung open, startling M4 back up into a better posture. A familiar face walked through the still swinging door, an orange-haired human woman about M4's height and build, with deep rings formed beneath each eye.
She moved erratically, skittering between the various tables and patrons that stood between her and the bar. On arriving, she threw herself into one of the barstools, draping her upper body atop the bar, and loudly demanded "Caffeine! Please!"
Springfield, on the other side of the bar, smiled warmly like she always did and dutifully began preparing the order.
Her name was Kalina.
"I remember," M4 muttered under her breath.
They had met briefly two days ago when M4 had first come in. Kalina had been one of the first to check in on her after her repairs had been completed.
Just making sure. I don't want you to screw this up.
"I'm not going to go talk to her."
Why not?
"She looks… busy."
Her voice didn't reply, but somehow, M4 could tell it wasn't impressed.
Over by the bar, Springfield slid a still-steaming coffee mug over towards Kalina. It disappeared within moments with no regard given to the coffee's temperature nor the absurdity of the sight of the logistics chief chugging it. Another was then demanded shortly after.
What a mess.
Another mug was produced quickly; Springfield had already been in the process of preparing it while Kalina was chugging her first. However, before she handed it over Springfield leaned over the bar, and whispered something to Kalina that got her to perk up and look over in M4's direction.
M4 quickly looked away, not wanting to be caught staring.
Her own voice sighed at her in her head.
Then there was a bump at the table that startled her once more. Kalina had appeared beside her, halfway through pulling out a chair, hand wrapped firmly around her coffee mug, and eyes staring at M4 unblinking.
"Um, hi?" M4 offered meekly.
"Mind if I sit here?" Kalina blurted out.
M4didn't even get the chance to answer before Kalina pulled the chair out the rest of the way and collapsed into it, still holding her coffee.
"AGHHhhh! I'm so tired!" she complained, before chugging the second mug.
M4 stared as she downed it in three gulps.
"A-are you okay?" she asked, her body withdrawing up into her chair.
"No, I'm not. I've got fifty freaking reports to write, I've been up since 8 am yesterday, and Rs isn't even here to help!" she declared, slamming her mug onto the table.
It didn't shatter, but M4 jumped.
"I'm… sorry to hear that."
Kalina drew her gaze onto M4, appraising her with her head lazily tilted to one side.
"Eh, It's my fault I guess… I should've said I needed more time."
"For… what? The reports?"
"Combat reports, logistics reports, maintenance reports, reports, reports, reports. Friggin' Helian, all she wants are reports."
"Oh, I see."
"It sucks," Kalina huffed, crossing her arms on the table and burying her head in them, "I just want to sleep in!"
"Y- you said Rs isn't here to help you? Is she usually? Where is she?"
Kalina shrugged. "Yeah usually. I dunno where she went, Cano said she was stealing her."
"Oh… What do these reports entail?"
Kalina groaned for an extended amount of time before answering. "How many rounds were used, who saw what, what every doll was doing at every second, when's the last time we serviced the JLTV's engines. Blah blah blah," She looked up, glaring at M4. "It's all corporate BS. I'll bet no one but Helian reads them, but she yells at me every time I try to shorten these things."
"It sounds like the reports I have to write sometimes, though I think they're kinda fun, heh heh," M4 chuckled awkwardly.
She realized Kalina was still glaring at her, only her eyes visible from above her crossed arms, but now her eyes showed that some devious plan was building behind them.
"Heyyyyyy, M4?"
"Yes?" M4's eyes widened.
Kalina's head fully popped out from her arms, revealing a devious grin. "Do you have any plans for today?"
"N-no?"
"Wanna help me!?"
"O-kay," she whimpered.
Rs marched forward, boots crunching the last few piles of snow left on the ground. One hand held onto her rifle strap, slung over her left shoulder, while the other held onto her backpack strap.
Ahead, Cano was winding her way through the woods, following along a small trail that started near their base and led deeper into the forest.
These were familiar trails. They'd taken pains to map out the entire area surrounding the base as best they could. Yet Rs wasn't quite sure where Cano was leading her.
The doll had been purposefully vague. She'd shoved a bag into Rs' arms and insisted that they make the most of the 'first nice day of the year'. They had then grabbed their guns and taken off into the woods without more than an over the shoulder goodbye to Kalina.
So of course, Rs had spent the last half-hour of their trek answering questions on the net, giving everyone their tasks, and doing whatever work she could remotely.
It wasn't too bad, she supposed. The change in scenery was nice.
The trees were still barren, but the snow had largely melted. Here and there tiny sprouts were just starting to appear, adding little hints of green to the landscape. The weather forecast showed that this was all temporary though; another wave of winter was rolling in. Perhaps that's why Cano was so eager to exploit today.
Of course Rs was perfectly happy to indulge her. It might not have been what she would have chosen to do today, but she wasn't opposed either.
"Rs, is IDW meant to be on the range today?" Famas queried her on the network.
"She's scheduled for CQC, why?"
"She has claimed a spot on the long range."
Rs furrowed her brow. "Why?"
"She said she wants to try something new. Her team lead okayed it, apparently."
Odd, for sure, but if IDW wanted to fire on the long range it didn't matter much. There was plenty of room and her ammo was really cheap. She might as well be pelting the targets with grapes from those distances, but if that's what she really wanted to do, why stop her? Sometimes odd-sounding ideas work out in the end.
Famas didn't sound overly concerned either, and was likely just reporting this to make sure her own schedule wasn't going to be messed up by whatever this was. The doll was a decent judge of these kinds of things, which reassured Rs.
"Alright, let her do what she wants. Just make sure she obeys the range rules."
"Copy. I'll keep an eye on her. We'll be starting our own drills shortly."
"Sounds good, best of luck."
Just as she finished transmitting, Cano halted in her tracks and whirled around to face her.
"You, off the net, now," she ordered, pointing to her.
Rs stared at her in confusion for a moment. "But what if someone needs me?"
Cano grinned.
"Commander, may I steal Rs away for the morning?"
Matt's reply came a moment later. "Did you ask her first?"
"We're both currently en route to the river, I only coerced her a little."
"Go ahead. You two have fun."
"Grazie~" Cano sang on comms. "Off the net, now. Live in the moment, would you?"
"Fine," Rs sighed, shutting herself off of the network save the emergency channels. "Why are you so insistent on this?"
Cano spun back around and resumed her hike. "Because all you do is work. You never take time for yourself."
"I like my job, thank you very much," Rs grumbled.
"Uh huh. It's all you ever do, order us around, set schedules, oversee training, check in with all the teams, yell when someone messes up."
Rs shrugged. "So? That's less than I used to do in the army."
Cano sighed. "There was a war on…"
"Even before the war."
"Okay, and you were in for how many years?"
"Um… twenty-four, if we don't count the bits I don't remember."
"So you've been working like this for twenty-four years, as far as you're concerned non-stop, and possibly even more than that. You can take a morning off to go on a hike with your best friend."
"Oh, so you're my best friend now?"
Cano shot a smug side-eye back at her. "Do you have anyone else in the position?"
"No."
"Thought so," Carcano hummed, turning back to the trail.
Rs followed a moment later, grinning.
They wandered further into the woods, the sounds around them dissolving back into the chorus of birds. However, once in a while a distant pop would echo across the landscape as the dolls began their range drills. They were familiar, almost comforting sounds, and as they walked on further Rs started to make a game of guessing what pop corresponded to which weapon.
Little rapid fire pops were probably Vector or PP-90, the former's buzz saw rate of fire distinct from the slower staccato of the latter.
Then there were the slower, heavier shots. They were harder to tell apart, but Rs knew the dolls shooting. OTs-12 was eccentric, shooting in quick aggressive bursts that could not possibly have been well aimed, whereas the steadier Famas would make constant, well spaced shots. G36, though, was somewhere in the middle, taking slow shots to walk the rounds on target, and then she'd put three rapid shots into it that even from this distance felt angry.
It was a fun game, but it eventually came to an end as she and Cano arrived at their apparent destination.
She heard it first, the sounds of rushing water through the trees. The source revealed itself a few meters later as they came upon a river bed. The water was not high, not coming close to the edges of its banks and so the river only ran in a few narrow streams.
"Alright!" Cano cheered, rushing off the trail and hopping off into the river bank.
Rs followed her at a leisurely pace, and stopped at the edge of the bank. "So, what are we doing here?"
"Come on! I'll show you," Cano beckoned her.
Rs glanced down at the muddy bank, considering for a moment before commiting.
Then, just as she began to clamber down the muddy bank to join Cano, a thundercrack boomed in the distance that sent the nearby birds flying.
Stunned, her foot slipped, and she tumbled head over heels down into the creek bed.
Her eyes shot open as she heard the distant thuds that had become far too familiar to her. Her body scrambled to motion even before her brain had fully awoken, shaking off the caked dirt on her armor and fatigues, and snatching her rifle up from beside her.
"Incoming!" She screamed, sending the green-fatigued lumps of humanity around her scrambling into motion. Bodies dove to the ground or ducked into the holes dug into the sides of their trench. She got to her own hiding hole just as the first round slammed into the earth nearby. She flinched as the impact rocked the earth.
Then it began to rain. Steel pummeled the earth, churning it up and throwing up great walls of dirt. Occasionally, a round would burst in the air above them, sending a hail of shrapnel into the ground below.
With a steady, practiced motion she clicked her mask into place on her helmet, breathing in the stale, filtered air.
For minutes the pounding continued, a hurricane of vicious steel and explosives pounding the hell out of them. Each blow felt like a punch to the chest, the armor strapped to her body only slightly mitigating it.
She silently wondered how long this one would be. Some had gone on for hours, others just a few seconds. Depends on how their logistics were doing, she supposed.
Then it stopped. Five minutes.
Her body felt heavy, but she fought through it and stood.
"UP! NOW!" she yelled.
The soldiers around her obeyed, some more willingly than others, but they all stood.
Down the line, she saw with great satisfaction that their Lieutenant was already on the radio, calling in fire support. The young man was a quick learner, perhaps enough to fill his predecessor's void.
She propped her rifle to her shoulder and set it up on the trench's wall.
Figures appeared in her sight, marching forward through a wall of hazy white smoke that had appeared with the barrage.
She grinned. They knew this song and dance.
Her finger went for the trigger.
Then a burst of heavy machine gun fire rattled over her head, and her own trench line opened up in a furious reply. Flashes of tracers whipped out from the smoke.
A few mortars impacted the ground ahead of their trench, and the firing began to slow.
Her finger left the trigger, and she paused to assess the situation. No one had been hit this time so far, and no one was panicking.
A flash, and a moment later. She suddenly found herself on her back, covered in dirt on the other side of the trench. Her arm screamed in agony, and her chest felt like she'd just been smashed with a sledgehammer.
Something leapt into the trench nearby. A pale, lanky thing dressed in an ill fitting soviet uniform with no armor. It moved with an unnatural jerkiness, but the KS-23 in its hand fired away down the length of the trench with frightening speed. In rapid succession two more of her unit were knocked over like bowling pins.
She quickly found her weapon in the dirt near her, and brought it in line with the thing.
A shaky burst sent it stumbling, but failed to drop it.
Gritting her teeth she struggled to re-acquire her target, her battered arm screaming against the effort.
The thing whirled around and sent another spread of shot into her just as she managed to get her sights on it.
It collapsed just as she felt a horrific, numb impact rip at her body. She knew it was bad, bad enough that her body had decided against pain.
She made her body move, tattered muscle and fractured bone barely able to comply, but they did move. Her rifle returned to the trench wall, and immediately found targets as three more of those things were sprinting for them through the smoke and under a hail of suppressive fire.
She hit the first one with a burst, just about tearing it in half, but the other two fired back.
Shot tore into the earth around her, but luck was on her side now as the only projectiles to find her hit armor. She was braced for it. She shot back, and quickly she forced these two to the ground beneath the weight of her outgoing fire.
However, the shadows in the smoke were growing closer, and Johanna was hearing a lot of 'URAAAA!'s.
"Tch, " she grunted.
Glancing over revealed a few of her unit still in the fight. How many, she wasn't sure, but it was less than earlier. She also noted at least a half dozen more of the shotgun-wielding attackers dead in the approaches to the trench, and a few more being engaged further afield still.
The LT was still alive, somehow. He'd lost his helmet and mask, and with it his radio. Still, he was firing away like a maniac at the approaching Soviets.
"Guess I'll do it," she muttered, tapping her transmit button.
The words flowed out, the recipient replying in a terse, even tone as she quickly provided grid coordinates.
Moments later, the trees erupted in flame and smoke about two hundred meters out, each one sending out a shockwave that thumped against her body. Her ears rang, drowning out all the sounds of the exploding artillery shells and furious Soviets caught amongst them.
Then a shell slammed into the earth before her, and she blinked.
She found herself on her side, staring at the muddy creek bed with ears still ringing. Her body felt like it was made of lead, and was refusing all inputs.
Another explosion echoed in the distance, and she flinched. She was tucked in against the creek bank, trying to press herself into it as much as the earth would allow. Her right hand reached to her thigh for a sidearm that wasn't there.
"Allcon, be advised. IDW smuggled a couple rocket grenades onto the range. Weapon has been secured, but she is on the run," announced an irate Famas on open comms.
"Rs?" Cano's voice called, sounding far away.
Rs realized she wasn't able to catch her breath, her chest rising and falling quickly as her vision was starting to go fuzzy. Warnings flashed in her vision, but she couldn't understand or read them.
Cano appeared, crouching down just in front of her.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?"
She tried answering, her mouth opened and she met Cano's eyes, but nothing came out. Cano took notice though, and after quickly unslinging her pack rushed to her. She lifted Rs' head into her lap and placed a gentle hand on it, holding her close.
They stayed there for a while, Rs listening to the gentle whirring that emanated from Cano's body. Her own heart slowed beat by beat, her breathing gradually growing steadier.
"Thanks… Cano," she muttered, nestling her head a little further in.
"Are you okay?"
"No."
"What's wrong?"
"Bad memories."
Cano ran a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry."
Rs shuddered. "Don't be, please."
Cano didn't reply, but there was a bitter look on her face that broke Rs' heart.
The rigid tension in her body began to loosen as she reached a hand up to her friend's cheek and held it for a moment, gently tilting Cano's head down so she could meet Rs' gaze.
"Hey."
"H-hey," Cano's voice trembled.
Rs smiled as warmly as she could manage. "Thanks for getting me out today."
Cano's expression shifted slightly, losing a little bit of the sadness. "Yeah. I'm sorry this happened."
"It's not your fault."
Cano looked away, still holding Rs' head in her lap. "I-"
The doll's words died in her throat as a tear welled up in the corner of her eye.
Rs tried to raise her head, intending to comfort Cano on a more even field. However, the pink haired doll pushed her right back into her lap, and wrapped her arms tighter around her head.
"Hey Cano, why did you bring us out here? You said you wanted to show me something?"
"Hmm?" Cano sounded surprised, "Oh it's… it's fine. We shouldn't."
Rs scowled. "No! You were so excited to see it and now I wanna see it too! I will not let you let me ruin this for you!"
"But-"
"We're going."
Rs escaped Cano's embrace, springing to her feet before glancing back down at the doll and offering her hand. "C'mon, please."
"Rs…"
"C'mon, that…'' She swallowed, trying to suppress the wave of feelings that came from even acknowledging what had just happened, "...was not your fault. If anything, you're the best cure for it I got. So please, show me."
It took a bit more convincing, but eventually Rs got her to her feet. She dusted the caked mud off her friends' clothing, and checked over both their rifles and backpacks before gesturing to Cano to lead her on.
Eventually the riverbed began to deepen, and at the first sign of this Cano lead her up off the path and onto the bank. There they followed along for a while longer, until eventually coming up to a rocky hill overlooking a much wider portion of the river.
There, Cano turned to face her. "We're here."
"Cool." Rs whistled, looking down over the still largely dry river bed below. "I bet this really gets going later in the season."
"Si. I was hoping it'd be fully flowing today with the snow melt, but I guess not."
"Eh, it's still pretty cool. Though I guess I can't go cliff diving." Rs shot Cano grin at the statement, and it earned her a thin smile in response.
"Well, maybe not, but I did bring these." Cano unslung her pack and from it, produced a stack of clay pigeons.
"With rifles?"
"Heheheh, just you watch."
Cano tossed her the stack, and then took up her rifle and aimed out over the river bed.
"Uhhh, okay!" Rs chuckled, "Ready?"
Cano nodded, a confident look in her eye.
Rs set down the stack and took one off the top. She then tossed the disk up in the air like a frisbee.
Cano tracked it, rifle following the disk's arc until, without warning, she fired.
"Holy shit…" Rs gasped as she saw the disk disintegrate mid air.
"Am I good or what?!" Cano cheered. "Wanna go?"
Rs shook her head. "I ain't that good of a shot, but I'll keep throwing them."
"Hehe, alright."
This time, Rs tossed two one after the other. Cano hit the first disk effortlessly, worked the bolt with its signature kr-chk, and found her mark on the second, too. "Damn!" Rs exclaimed.
"C'mon, give me a real challenge."
They carried on like this for a while, Rs tossing the disks in different patterns, odd directions, and in greater and greater numbers. She was even surprised by Cano missing a couple here and there.
After a while, they ran out of targets. At that point they set all their stuff down and sat down at the edge of the hill, looking out over the forest and not saying much, just listening to the sounds around them.
Cano was smiling brightly, and it warmed Rs' heart to see it.
"Allcon, IDW has been apprehended. Commander please advise."
Cano's smile had faded.
"Famas, take her to the TOC."
Cano lowered her weapon, "We should probably head back."
Rs sighed. "Okay, but first," she wrapped Cano up in her arms. "Thank you for taking me out here today."
Cano, after a moment's hesitation, returned the hug and buried her head in Rs' shoulder. "Yeah."
M4 had enjoyed herself. She'd found the paperwork somewhat relaxing to go through once she got into the rhythm of it; filing, correcting, and submitting the forms. She'd always enjoyed doing the AR-team reports as they let her see through her sister's eyes, to an extent, and was pleased to find that the same held true here.
She was also finding that it gave her a better idea of who was who on base. The different ways the team leads compiled their own reports for her to review, and the commanders own addendums to these, painted a vibrant picture of those involved. She even began putting names to faces she'd seen during the fighting, and after.
After a good couple hours of constant work in the office, Kalina had declared that it was break time. Initially M4 had intended to keep working despite this; however, Kalina had made it very clear that break time for one meant break time for them all, and that she wouldn't take hers until M4 did.
So she relented, and now found herself resting on the rooftop of the main building, watching the drama unfold below.
A T-doll had been apprehended and was being dragged towards the main building by Famas. She was short, blonde, and appeared to have cat ears and a tail for some reason.
Behind her, the rest of Famas' team was carrying a few different items, including an empty RPG tube and a couple of blown up target drones.
M4 rested her body on the railing, and took in the sounds of the world around her. The sounds of T-dolls milling about, the rustling of the skeletal tree branches in the wind, and the chirping of birds among them filling the air.
She sighed, wishing she wasn't alone on the rooftop. She could almost hear what they'd say about the drama below.
"Where are you all?" she whispered.
They're alive.
"I don't know that."
They must be. Those three are far from weak.
M4's eyes narrowed.
"Of course not, but… neither is Sangvis Ferri."
And yet, a weakling like you survived their best efforts.
Her expression softened, a grin forming on her lips.
"Fair enough."
In the distance, a pair of figures emerged from the surrounding woods. They were each wearing rifles on their shoulders, and walked quite close to each other. They were striding along a path that led up to the main road, just beyond the gate itself.
Rs9 and Carcano.
There they are. They never seem far apart, do they?
"Yes," M4 muttered, turning away from the rail and heading towards the access door behind her.
Feeling more sociable now?
M4 pursed her lips. "It's easier when I already know them."
She quickly descended the building, weaving through the various dolls and staffers along the way in hopes of not missing her chance. She caught Rs and Cano at the entrance to the main building, the two of them having just entered.
"Hello." She greeted them with a wave and walked up to them.
Rs smiled back at her. "Hey, kid. How are you?"
"Alright. I've been helping out Miss Kalina."
"Ah, I see," Rs chuckled.
"Where were you two?"
"Just on a walk," Cano answered her.
"And now I'm on my way to rip IDW a new one," Rs added.
Cano's face formed an odd expression, something M4 didn't understand the reason for as it looked worried. It didn't appear directed at her, but rather at Rs.
"Do you mind if I come with you then? I should probably get back to helping Kalina, but I don't want to intrude."
"Oh yeah sure, we gotta drop our stuff off first," Rs said, not noticing Cano's expression and instead starting to walk in the direction of the armory.
Cano lingered for a moment, and M4 looked at her with a questioning glance. Cano noticed, and met her gaze. However, the doll didn't say anything and a moment later began walking off in pursuit of Rs.
M4 followed the pair.
Rs and Cano quickly dropped off their equipment, with M4 asking an occasional question about what they had been up to. She didn't get too much out of them, each seemed to be dodging around the topic, and eventually she decided to just drop it.
"Kalina's not been working you too hard, has she?" Rs asked as they entered the stairwell leading up.
"Oh no, not really. I've kinda been enjoying it, actually."
"Really? Well, good for you then. Just don't let her take advantage of you, okay?" Rs said, chuckling.
"I think she has been working herself too hard, more than anything else."
Cano let out a soft sigh. "That does seem to be a trend around here."
"Hmmm?" M4 cocked her head.
"Nevermind. It's good you're helping her."
"Yeah. Thanks for doing that, kid," Rs added.
Shortly after, they arrived at their destination.
Rs' expression completely shifted on entering the TOC. A snarl appeared out of nowhere as she stormed up to a plainly nervous IDW, held at each arm by Famas and G36, and began to forcibly wilt the doll beneath her reprimanding. Even M4 found herself unconsciously stepping a couple paces back.
Then she noticed Cano. That same look from before was back.
M4 opened her mouth and leaned over to her, intending to ask her if something was wrong. However, they were all interrupted by a squawk on the main console.
Rs paused, glancing in its direction, and all other eyes then looked over.
The commander jumped to it, quickly looking over to view the transmission. His brow furrowed, and he looked up at her.
"C'mere, look at this."
M4 obeyed quickly, stepping past Rs and the thoroughly wilted IDW to see the transmission data.
Her eyes went wide when she read the message.
'M4, I'm assuming you've made contact with Griffin now. I made contact with Sop a while ago, and we're still on the run. I've included our coordinates, come pick us up. Make it quick.'
-St Ar-15
The commander caught M4's gaze. "Do you think that's real?"
M4 nodded. "It sounds like her."
He nodded in reply, then turned back to the console. "Then let's not wait. M4, go get geared up. Famas, your team is going with her."
Notes:
Alrighty, we finally got here. If you read the old version of this chapter, you know it was bad. I knew it was bad, and it haunted me. Fixing it was no easy task and this is the best I could do, though the temptation to just cut it was certainly there. Still, thanks for hanging in there all of you, I really do appreciate you all.
I especially want to thank Grimalkinii / Alighierie for helping to edit and put this thing together. My brain is mush and he made this thing a hell of alot easier to get over the finish line. He has published a few one-shots on FFN and you should check them out if you like good writing. s/14252087/1/Polyrhythmic-Arrhythmia
Now, this chapter covers the same general things as the old chapter 9, but with much more added atop it. The most relevant being Rs' story here. So, to those of you who don't know, Post traumatic stress is a weird, painful, and vague thing that can best be described as an injury rather than disease. It can take many forms, be caused by a lot of different things, and is not easily healed. In this case, Rs had this flashback due to being caught off guard by the trigger, which sent her into a very intense fight or flight response built by years of experience to which she had no good outlet for the overwhelming anxiety.
I am no expert, but that scene is based on a combination of things I've either personally dealt with, or helped others get through. If any one of you or a loved one suffers from this condition or something similar, It's okay. It's nobody's fault, and you shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty for needing help to get through it. The best treatment for this condition is therapy and a good support group. Friends, family, and those who understand what you're going through are more than willing to help.
That all said, I hope you all enjoyed, and wish you and yours the best.