Author's Notes: Any and all blame for the insanity and crack in this one-shot for our Isekai'd Kagome belongs to Lyra in the Dark and Ithilloke (especially the latter) for random female conversations. Also, in each section, there will be words listed at the end with the definition to help better understand the usage of said word. I never want to be made to research stuff like this while at work... T.T
Author's Notes 2: For this one-shot, I have made some rough estimates about age, as nowhere I researched did they ever state Hashirama and Tobirama's age. And as best I can estimate, Izuna dies at age 24. So, I am guessing and making Tobirama a year older than Izuna Uchiha, deal! Author's liberty. You've been warned.
Kagome blinked heavy eyes as she felt her body being lifted. A soft murmur filtered in as she tried to access her memories and Horiki. The former surfaced while the latter was locked away behind a barrier. One Kagome knew the bastard God's placed. It wasn't the first time and not the last time they'd do this.
"Oh, looks like she is waking up, Lord Senju."
Grimacing, Kagome opened her eyes. Hearing who was carrying her, a sinking feeling filled her stomach. When her blue met wise black eyes, having seen this man in a past incarnation, she knew who he was, Butsuma Senju. And he looked very young.
"Oh, she's not an Uchiha! Look at the blue of her eyes!"
Kagome squirmed to look at the speaker, giving a low, displeased growl. They sounded extremely young. A shock of short and spiky white hair flashed into Kagome's field of vision. She felt as her face seemed to twist into a sour expression. It was Tobirama Senju. And he was already a biased pig.
The gasps coming from those around her let Kagome know she had inadvertently spoken aloud.
00000
2 yrs later
Kagome blinked as she watched Tobirama drink the water in the cute he had taken from her. She had said he shouldn't drink it. Then again, Tobirama had refused to listen to her after speaking aloud after waking up in this world again. His stubborn male pride was the one thing she didn't care for about him.
When he made a face that said how bitter the water tasted, Kagome sighed. Tobirama was not ten years old to her nine years of age. And still, Kagome felt that he, for a genius, was stupid and belligerent to a fault.
"Ugh!" Tobirama cried out. "How is it possible to make such horrible tea?"
Kagome pressed her lips into a thin line and raised her eyebrows. Half of her wanted to burst out laughing, while the other half wanted to sigh in exasperation. Either reaction would earn her further ridicule from Tobirama.
"Uh, Young Lord Senju?" A young man spoke up. "Your... Your teeth and tongue are gray-black."
The shock on Tobirama's face as she glared at her had Kagome crossing her arms over her chest.
"You. What did you do to me?" Tobirama bellowed, instantly accusing her.
"Nothing," Kagome said in a calm tone. "In fact, I tried to tell you not to drink it. But like always, Young Lord Senju didn't listen to a word I said. Why would you? I am just a war orphan taken in by your Clan. So I'm not responsible because you drank the water I cleaned my ink brush in during calligraphy class."
It was always impressive to see how red Tobirama's face could get.
"You could have stopped me! You have hands!" Tobirama shouted at her, drawing the attention of other Clan members.
Blinking slowly, like a cat, Kagome grinned as she shrugged nonchalantly. And at the sight of her smile, Kagome saw him go still and looking uncertain. In the past two years, he had learned to fear her when she smiled as she was currently.
"I would never put my hands on you. I am well aware of my status," Kagome said. Her voice was full of respect and ridicule at the same time. Her smile grew broader and sweeter as she continued to speak. "So you need not be a pretentious Bellend*, and think and listen to those around you."
Kagome let the smile vanish from her face as she bowed at the waist. The fact a low groan came from Tobirama let her know he understood she just insulted him again. Raising herself, Kagome grabbed the half-empty cup, dumped the water onto the ground at their feet, and walked back into the house behind her.
Bellend - (Noun): This is a phrase for penis that is more commonly used by those in the UK. It is also sometimes used to call someone an idiot. (Usage: "You bellend! You just put kidney beans in the coffee grinder!")
00000
3 yrs later
Kagome felt her face, ears, and neck grow hot. Her eyes burned with tears that remained unshed. All because of the tall, white-haired man before her. Kagome hadn't done anything to provoke him, this time. No Tobirama and stumbled upon her practicing basic Taijutsu. Something both Butsuma and Hashirama had insisted she learn. Itama had offered to teach her. Kagome had readily agreed and had enjoyed the lessons for the past year.
"Well, excuse me!" Kagome finally got herself to blurt out.
The look Tobirama gave was openly mocking as those behind him (the simp band as she secretly called his followers) openly laughed at her.
"Well, are you not going to answer, Young Lord Senju?"
Flicking her gaze to who spoke, Kagome fought to control her temper. She turned twelve in a few days and knew she couldn't keep acting childishly.
"Considering I wasn't doing anything wrong but practicing," Kagome said slowly, pronouncing each word in a soft voice. Her gaze locked back on Tobirama's, who suddenly looked uneasy. "I don't need to. So what if I am a klutz? Being able to do basic self-defense is better than none. And I don't need an arrogant chode* belittling me for his ego."
Each word had Kagome feeling the corners of her mouth curl up higher and higher into a cold smile.
"Then again, I also don't need a massive ding dong* insulting me for at least trying to better myself," Kagome continued. Her voice was still soft but oddly happy as Tobirama began to turn as red as she had just been. "I've also recently been insulted for practicing medicine to help those that come back injured. But I guess being a total dipstick* being unable to see the bigger picture in the long term is better. Now since my practice has been rudely interrupted, unwarrantedly might I add, I'm leaving."
Not waiting, nor caring, at how rude she was, Kagome stepped around Tobirama and his little simp group. She was able to feel the intense emotions from the former. She had reached the edge of the clearing when Tobirama's shout had her pausing.
"You have a foul mouth for a girl! Have you no shame? Even our Shinobi aren't this bad!"
Looking over her shoulder, Kagome smiled softly and sweetly at Tobirama before speaking, "Thank you for finally complimenting me."
Chode: (Noun): A more insulting way of referencing a penis. Like bellend, this word is also sometimes applied to rude or stupid people. (Example: "He's such a chode. Dump him.")
Ding Dong: (Noun): Less well-known term for penis. It can also be used as a way of calling someone an idiot. (Example: "He told me he didn't even know how to send mail. What a ding-dong!")
Dipstick: (Noun): Fairly common US slang for penis. It can also be used as an insult for a stupid person. (Example: "My cousin is such a dipstick.")
00000
2 yrs later
Kagome felt stifled. As if a heavyweight was pressing down on her chest. Slowly Kagome stood from her futon. The world blurred and swam before her eyes. Frowning, Kagome took a few steps. Her mind was hazy, but she chalked it up to what she'd been doing the night before. Though what she'd discovered was a reason to be very angry.
Kagome had laid down and began to meditate. She was focusing on the barrier. It sealed her Horiki, which she was aware of. But upon closer inspection, she found a seal woven into the barrier. And there was no way to mistake the unmistakable signature given off by the seal, Kaguya. Kagome had bit the inside of her mouth hard enough to draw blood, so she didn't scream out loud.
Once she had calmed down, Kagome focused on how to unravel the seal. However, she had only been able to create small cracks, which allowed very tiny amounts of her Horiki to seep out. And after 14 years of it being kept from her, of course, her body was overwhelmed. In tandem, the seal and barrier meant it was a serious issue when they were released.
A low groan escaped Kagome as she felt her body tilt. Unable to stop herself, Kagome felt gravity pull her to the oddly refreshing coolness of the floor. With her body not responding to her mental commands, Kagome could only stare at the far wall with blurry vision.
She was unaware of the passage of time. Yet (she was sure it was only minutes) when a distant pounding, accompanied by yelling, reached her ears. It was muffled as if she had earplugs in. Eventually, it ceased.
"Hey!?"
Kagome tried to turn her head to look at who called out to her—wondering why someone would rudely barge into her home. However, Kagome's mind did register that the voice was familiar.
"Shit! She's unresponsive," The voice said as Kagome felt something cool pressed against her exposed cheek. "And she has a fever; get the healer!"
Kagome wanted to say something as his body was roughly picked up and moved. The blurry image of the person now holding her smelled of musk and spice.
"Hey, can you hear me?"
The person's voice was low and distant to her ears. But Kagome could heal the worry in it. It was causing Kagome to blink groggily. Her vision briefly cleared and revealed the sharp image of the person dying to her for a few seconds, causing Kagome's body to stiffen as her mouth opened.
"Butsuma-sama?"
The disconnect at hearing her voice muffled and from a distance was strange. But Kagome didn't get to think before she lost consciousness.
"My father... Thank you for informing me."
Those were the first words Kagome heard upon waking up. Her senses seemed to be working with sharper clarity. So, slowly Kagome opened her eyes and saw the Healer next to Tobirama. The latter's face looked crestfallen. Her mind pulled up the image she'd seen before blacking out—Butsuma's death.
Suddenly Kagome's parched throat felt tight as her eyes began to mist with tears. She'd seen the Lord of the Senju Clans' death and could not stop it. Meaning the natural flow of history was unchanged. The inevitable fight between Tobirama and Izuna would come. Letting a sigh escape, Kagome's eyes met Tobiramas as he looked down at her.
"You're finally awake," the Healer said after noticing. "You gave us all a scare. Especially Young Lord Tobirama. He's the one who found you a week ago."
As Kagome heard the words, she felt heat creep across her face. The person who'd found her paralyzed, feverish, and sweaty in her white sleeping yukata was him? Feeling embarrassed, Kagome looked away, her mouth opening.
"You, knob, "* She said, "Go take care of your brother. They need you more than I do. Especially Hashirama."
The sputtering mixed with the light chuckles from the Healer had Kagome doing a mental eye roll. Then she heard the snort as Tobirama called her an uncouth brute.
"He's not wrong, "The Healer said after Tobirama left. "But you two are so stubborn. None of us in the Clan will ever lack amusement as long as you two remain oblivious."
Kagome groaned as she felt even more embarrassed. Glad her eyes had closed after she had spoken and told Tobirama to leave.
Knob: (Noun): UK slang word for penis. It sometimes is also specific to the head of the penis and not necessarily the whole thing. It can be used to describe someone as a fool, too. (Example: "He's such a knob. Don't waste your time on him.")
00000
5 yrs later
"Seriously? I've been working on this jutsu for two years, and here you are doodling out the theory in the dirt like it is basic knowledge?"
With a roll of her eyes, Kagome looked over her shoulder at Lord Tobirama. Their relationship had changed after the day she'd woken five years ago. They were still each other's antagonists. And Kagome still openly insulted him regularly. But one could say they'd mellowed? It seemed like the best way to describe the change.
"Excuse me? I'm just crunching numbers and basic hand sign theories," Kagome quipped before turning back to the equations in the dirt.
Kagome knew he had been working on his Space/Time and Re-animation Jutsus. The latter Kagome knew it stemmed from Butsuma's death. And she'd find a way to get him not to continue that or even scribe the knowledge down because of the chaos it would bring in the future. The mere thought had her shuddering.
"How can you be so accurate without any chakra?"
Frowning, Kagome felt as a tick started under one eye at his words. She knew he was not trying to pick a fight. But how his genius brain chose to word the shit that spewed from his mouth was frustrating.
"And what does me being chakraless have to do with understanding both chakra and ninjutsu, Lord Tobi?" she asked, her voice dropping a few octaves as she called him by the nickname she gave him. A thing Kagome knew he detested since it sounded like a dog's name.
"You," Tobirama started to say before trailing off. "I do not intend to insult you. But I'll admit I'm impressed. I've been working on a Jutsu that incorporates this theory. And while I don't understand the reasoning behind the number usage fully, you've got a good grasp on what is needed."
Kagome blinked at the kind-of back-assward compliment he'd just given her. She flashed a smile at Tobirama before going back to her equations.
"Well, why don't we work together?" Kagome said.
What followed was four semi-pleasant hours of discussion, debate, and revision. Kagome had wanted to laugh at how child-like Tobirama got when he was immersed in his research and discovering new things. Though the sour face he was currently making wasn't due to her for once. But instead, his brother Hashirama.
"What? I just came to get Kagome to finish our conversation now that I have some free time, Tobirama," Hashirama said, hands raised in self-defense. However, his dark eyes spoke of mischief. "And it's wrong for you to hog Kagome unless you intend to court her."
Kagome felt her mouth go slack as Tobirama sputtered loudly beside her before finally being able to spit out some words.
"No! Hell No! Why would I court an uncouth woman like that?!"
Kagome felt the insult cut deeply. They'd just spent more after a pleasant time in each other's company. Giving a low grunt, Kagome stood up and used a foot to erase all their work. Then she shoved Tobirama away from her and marched to Hashirama's side.
"I am done here; let's go, Lord Senju," Kagome growled. "I don't need to spend more time with a rude prick,"*
With that said, Kagome smiled as Hashirama offered her his arm. Kagome took it and let herself be led away, only glancing back at Tobirama to see him looking like a kicked puppy, who was also very frustrated. She didn't understand and didn't care to.
Prick: (Noun): Although this is a term for penis, it is more often used to describe someone who's a jerk. (Example: "Ben is a real prick, so I stopped hanging out with him.")
00000
2 yrs later
Shock coursed through Kagome as she stared at Tobirama. He had just interrupted her conversation and the walk was rather pleasant. It was a date in her mind since Taki had been trying to pursue her. Kagome had felt flattered at his honest compliments and well-meaning intentions. However, she wasn't interested in him. But receiving praise instead of an insult was nice for a change.
"Lord Tobirama?" Taki asked. His confusion was evident on his face and in his voice.
Kagome narrowed her eyes as she continued to stare at Tobirama. He was a mix of irritation and flustered. While it was amusing to see, Kagome was growing angry by the second.
"Don't you have a patrol?"
When the statement turned into a question, Kagome let her eyes become thin slits.
"I do?" Taki asked before shrinking under the fierce glare from Tobirama. "I'm sorry, Lord Tobirama. I'll head out now!"
Having observed the two, Kagome barely made out their aura. And Tobirama's was smug, even if he wasn't showing it openly. This caused Kagome to frown and huff. She did not want to deal with him right now.
"Hey, you're just going to leave? No hello or even a good-bye?"
Kagome paused mid-step, her head tilted back to look at him. She didn't even try to hide the resentment she was feeling.
"No," Kagome said bluntly. "You rudely interrupted my conversation and date. Even if it was for a good reason or not. And it's not the first time you've done this either, Tobi."
The faint flush that crossed Tobirama's face let Kagome know two things. The first was that he was aware of his actions, and the second was that he was embarrassed at being called out for it.
"Ah, Kagome, there you-are?"
Not even bothering to look, Kagome lifted a hand in acknowledgment to the speaker.
"What did my brother do this time?"
"Oh, rudely insert himself, Lord Itama, between me and my date with Taki," Kagome hissed between clenched teeth. "I don't know why Lord Tobirama keeps interfering every time I am on a date. Especially after telling Lord Hashirama two years ago, I quote 'Never court an uncouth woman' end quote."
"Ah," Itama said.
When she looked at Itama, she saw him grinning widely. Kagome gave a loud snort and looked briefly at Tobirama, who looked (once again) like a kicked puppy.
"I'm going to study. When my mood calms down, Lord Itama, I 'll come find you," Kagome said as she gave a slight bow to him. Kagome paused before leaving to speak a bit more when she righted herself. "You can ask your younger brother why he keeps acting like a Schmeckle."*
Schmeckle: (Noun): A Yiddish term for penis. It can also be used to call someone a fool. (Example: "You schmeckle, you forgot my birthday!")
00000
3 yrs later
Kagome had woken up feeling as if she had forgotten something. Something essential and vital. And the feeling only grew stronger as the day wore on. But, of course, Kagome had to shove that feeling to the back of her mind since Hashirama decided to take her to meet his friend.
The look on the man's face at seeing her climb off Hashirama's back laughing when they arrived was refreshing. The Q&A that followed had been intense and pointed. Kagome had been working with Hashirama in secret since the incident when she was fourteen. He'd felt her Horiki, saying it was similar to the natural energy required for Sage Mode.
At that point, Kagome had come clean to him. Telling him what it was. That it was behind both a barrier and seal. And the last ten years, both Hashirama and herself had been slowly chipping away at the seal. Hence meeting Madara Uchiha today.
"Hey, girl, are you okay?"
At the gruffly spoken words from Madara, Kagome looked at him. She'd never been fond of this man. Mainly due to the curse and what it did to his Clan. He was just a cold man in general as far as she was concerned.
"Hashirama?"
"Kagome? Hey, you look like you did ten years ago!" Hashirama said as his eyes grew wide.
Blinking, Kagome felt an intense series of pulses from her Horiki. The sharp clarity her senses took on had Kagome panicking. She knew what she had forgotten! Turning to Hashirama, she grasped his tunic and pulled him down way too easily. The shock on his face would have been comical in another situation.
"Tobirama," she said in a hoarse voice. "Now. Tobirama. Take me, NOW!"
It took a few seconds, but Kagome saw Hashirama understand. Kagome had informed him ten years ago that she'd seen his father, Butsuma, die. He'd been there, and the accurate details she'd given scared him.
"What's going on? Why does she look feverish?"
Kagome silently indicated he needed to come at Madara's words as Hashirama scooped her up into his arms. When she looked at Hashirama, he nodded, saying he understood why she wanted Madara to come. Then the world began to pass by in a colorful blur.
Kagome closed her eyes as it made her feel a bit nauseous. After activating his Sharingan during their discussion, she started to focus on the rest of the seal Madara had pointed out. Kagome knew instinctively getting rid of the seal Kaguya places was vital.
"I sense Izuna with your brother, Hashirama."
At Madara's words, Kagome felt panic from before filling her as she let her eyes open. The look on Hashirama's face was complex. And Kagome was glad she said nothing.
When they broke the treeline, Kagome saw Izuna on the ground with Tobirama over him. The sword in Tobirama's hand was coated in chakra. Kagome already knew it had the Space/Time Jutsu on it. As it arced down toward Izuna, Kagome opened her mouth and yelled as Hashirama's arms tightened around her wiggling body.
"Tobirama! You limp Dick! Don't you fucking dare harm him. Otherwise, I'll tell the girls in the Clan; you are a pervert with a tiny peen!"
The strangled choking to her and Hashirama's side didn't distract Kagome's attention from the two before her. Nor the slight shaking of the arms were holding her. Nope, Kagome saw the blade drop from limp hands as two dark stares were directed at her.
Kagome raised her hands and flicked them through the signs for Minato's Space/Time Jutsu- Flying Thunder God. Her Horiki started to flood her system just as she finished, thanks to her strong emotions helping break the seal and barrier. In a brilliant flash of silver, Kagome felt her body shifting from Hashirama's arms towards Tobirama. Who was staring dumbfounded at her?
With a grunt and severe vertigo, Kagome reached out and braced herself using Tobirama's Armor and yanked him down, like she previously had Hashirama, to her level. The stunned look on Tobirama's face was replaced with horror as she began to speak.
"You miserly pecker, you'd be the biggest, scummiest walking tallywhacker if you killed him! And I'd never had anything to do with you again, you dumb flesh flute. Because of the hurt, you'd inflicted on your Eldest brother and Clan leader, Tobirama, I sw-"
His words were cut off as Kagome felt her body go weak from using her Horiki for a Jutsu after freeing it. Her vision blurred as heat seemed to suffuse her whole body. The pent-up excess Horiki had not been drained completely. So with a grunt, Kagome let it burst from her core. The loud cursing from those gathered, plus the evil little shit that would eventually become Zetsu as she purified the curse, was satisfying.
(Not even bothering to do the definitions as they are straight-up words for DICKS.)
00000
One week later
Her body was stiff, eyelids heavy as Kagome came back to awareness. She felt her stomach's hollowness and internally pouted. Kagome had no clue how long she'd been unconscious this time. But she knew she'd be doing some explaining.
Kagome tried to roll over slowly only to feel a large calloused hand press her shoulders into the futon she was lying on. The scent of musk and spice-filled her nose as she took a deep breath to stay calm.
"Don't move on your own. Your body is one giant bruise."
The voice was soft, hesitant, and once more filled with worry. Kagome didn't like that. It took the treble timbre and distorted it. Also, it didn't seem right for a person who was so confident to sound that way.
"Let me help you sit up and give you a small drink of water first, Kagome."
The fact her name escaped his lips had Kagome snapping her eyes open. There, a foot from her face was Tobirama's. Her vision was extremely clear as she scanned his face. She quickly saw a quartered circle in the middle of his forehead. The bottom right (Or southeast) was filled in.
"We can talk about that after you take a drink first," he said when he noticed where she was staring.
"In seconds, a cold clay cup was pressed against her lips. The pain from how dry and chapped they have had Kagome pulling back. A faint smile curled thin lips before the was once more pressed against her lips. This time Kagome was able to take a few sips. Then she was laid down on the futon carefully once more.
"By the way, you suck at kissing," Tobirama said casually. "Though I guess neither of us is very experienced at it. As that was my first kiss."
At his words, Kagome felt confused, earning a dry chuckle.
"Now for my strange marking," Tobirama said. Kagome's eyes slid from the strange quartered circle to his lips. "It appeared on me when you grabbed me after using my Jutsu with no chakra. Your exceptionally foul mouth is a weapon in and of itself. But before you passed out, after you seemed to glow silver, you kissed me."
Kagome tried to wrack her brain to recall it. But it was hazy from the fevered state and overload of Horiki.
"I'm not the only one with this mark, either," Tobirama continued to explain. "Hashirama, Madara, and Izuna all have it. We each had a color assigned, and it matched the one on your forehead. We all saw potential futures before the silver light you emitted faded. The ones in which I killed Izuna have many long-term negative effects. And because I was a biased pig, like you called me upon meeting the first time."
"Oh!" was all Kagome could get out.
Again a deep and dry chuckle came from Tobirama.
"Kagome, what are you? And have you always known this?"
At his questions, Kagome gave a nod of her head. Then carefully slid her hand from inside the futon. When it brushed against Tobirama's fingers, she hesitated before curling her fingers; what she guessed was his pinkie? The widening of his eyes as he looked away, flushing pink across his cheeks, made Kagome smile.
"What else?" She asked. It was prompting him to continue.
"I got a crash course of all the emotions you experienced over the years," He mumbled. Kagome found him to be shy, cute. "I'm not cute."
This had Kagome stiffening and staring leerily at Tobirama.
"Uh, yeah, sorry!" he said, lowering his head. "Kagome, what happened? The other three don't feel or hear anything. They sense your presence and feel protective of you. Why am I different?"
Kagome paused before bursting out in a small giggle fit.
"You are a dork," she said once she finished giggling. "You said you had a crash course in my emotions, right? Then you tell me."
Seeing Tobirama go still after a few long minutes of thinking, Kagome watches his face morph into a mask of wonder as he smiles goofily at her.
"We like each other," he said. "A lot, right?"
There was a wistful hope mixed into his words. Kagome couldn't help but smile.
"Then when do you want to get married?" Kagome asked him.
Her question had Tobirama falling backward onto the floor with a loud bang. The site was worth it as Kagome burst out laughing as Hashirama, Madara, and Izuna burst into the room looking panicked and causing Kagome to laugh even harder as Tobirama muttered just loud enough; to be heard over her laughter about uncouth women!
THE END!