Chapter 9: The Risks Of Kissing

"That could have gone better." Mitsuru sighed out. Akihiko tilted his head at that, and the way she sank into the train seat. As the train started moving, she let herself completely collapse; Akihiko found himself doing the same, letting himself relax just a little more.

"Well, as long as my ribs don't get broken again, I'm good." Akihiko told Mitsuru, as the train shifted into high speed. His injuries were fully stitched up at last, and he didn't feel like he was about to bleed out.

But even with that, he was a little happy that they were leaving Sumaru behind and heading back to Iwatodai.

"…I guess I should probably follow the doctor's advice and stay off my feet for a bit. Because you'll probably give me grief if I don't." He tried to joke, but didn't get so much as a huff from Mitsuru. Instead she was still giving him an odd look. There was an almost fragile cast to her expression.

"H-hey… You know we're going to be fine, right? We found out what SEBEC is trying to do… And once we regroup, we'll find a way to fix it-"

A buzzing in Mitsuru's pocket interrupted him. Without apology she fished the phone out, and read over the texts.

"…Reports from Nanjo." Mitsuru groaned out. "There's been a spike of activity at the SEBEC tower. I can only guess that they've taken notice of our intrusion… And since we failed to destroy the DEVA system, they're going to transport it. We'll have a difficult time tracking it down again. It's a wonder that Nanjo is still willing to speak with me, considering how poor the outcome was-"

"…What do you mean? We didn't know what they were working on before; now we do. And no one got… Well, seriously hurt. We'll get patched up from this, and go at it again."

"…I suppose…" Mitsuru finally allowed. "The fact that Nanjo gave me the report shows that we didn't completely destroy our bridges. And he didn't… Precisely say he was displeased about the outcome."

"So what DID he say?"

"…He thanked us, actually." He could just glimpse the texts on her phone, as Mitsuru tilted her hand; formal enough speech, but there wasn't a hint of reproach there. Akihiko snorted at that; trust Mitsuru to look for hidden threats or a critical edge in a simple 'thank you.'

"…You're really worried about this Shadow Ops thing, huh? But… I think there's a difference with worrying, and expecting everything to be perfect." She always did this; always expected to do everything right on the first try.

Mitsuru sank a little further into her seat, shaking her head.

"It's… Not just that. I asked you to work with me because, I… Thought we'd work well together. Instead I almost got you killed."

"Well… I don't know if you missed it, but I'm still here. Still breathing. And still ready for round two."

And yet she still didn't seem convinced. Instead Mitsuru fixed her eyes to the scenery whirring past the train. And Akihiko was left wondering at the sad look hiding in her gaze.

-o-o-o-

She was glad to be home, Mitsuru realized. And Akihiko had a point about getting their strength back. The Kirijo estate had somehow become a little less imposing; maybe it was just that she didn't have to worry about saying goodbye to Akihiko when they reached the threshold, and he walked inside with her.

'And you don't have to worry about sharing a bed with him.' He paused at the entrance way, looking over her.

"Mitsuru…?" He slowly spoke. "I… I meant what I said. I'll be ready for round two."

He was oddly insistent about that, and it twisted her lips into a frown.

"Akihiko. You don't have to throw yourself into every fight." She felt the beginnings of irritation settle into her voice. "You're being too reckless-"

"I'm not!" Akihiko cut her off. "It's not… Look it's not just about fighting!"

"Then what IS this all about? Why are you so ready to throw yourself into trouble-?"

"Because I don't want anything to happen to you!" Akihiko blurted that out… And managed to snuff out all her irritation. In its place was shock, leaving Mitsuru to gape at Akihiko. For his part, Akihiko seemed almost desperate to keep talking. To impart something. "I guess I just… I don't want you to feel like you have to do this alone."

"I… Will take that into consideration." He flinched from that, and the clear dismissal in her words. A part of Mitsuru wanted to take that back. But the rest of her needed distance, and needed to look at something that wasn't Akihiko and his bandages peeking through-

'You keep hurting him.'

"…Please excuse me." She just managed to say, and this time he let her rush past him. She found a little more solace and quiet in the washroom.

But it was only when the door clicked shut behind her that Mitsuru let her mask slip a fraction. The shakes from the argument finally swept over her hands. She rushed to the bathroom sink and let cold water wash over her fingers, splashing it in her face.

But over the sound of the faucet she could still hear Akihiko.

'I don't want anything to happen to you!'

She didn't have words for the feeling that struck in her chest. Hurt, as she thought back on everything that had happened to him in her stead. The way that Shadow had turned her against him.

"…I never wanted to hurt you." She found herself whispering to her hands. With a sigh, she turned the faucet off and slumped against the sink.

'But I hurt you… And now I'm hurting in turn.'

Mitsuru had been so certain that she'd been acclimated to pain, just as she'd learned to embrace ice and all things cold. The first nights after her father died had been incomprehensible; a haze of hurt and anguish that even now, she didn't like to think back on. But gradually the wounds had healed over, turned to scars, and even those in turn had begun to fade.

Mitsuru forced another breath, hating how it caught in her throat and then shuddered out. She hadn't felt an ache like this in some time; that horrible loss had slowly faded out, still hurting but quickly healing. She'd learned to move through that pain, whenever it surfaced again. Whenever she caught hints of a song her father had enjoyed, or seen his favorite wine… All of it was something she'd learned to accept, and wait to pass.

And yet now she felt tears run down her cheeks. She splashed more water into her face , hoping that would hide anymore tears and clean away the marks on her face. When she lifted her head and stared into the mirror, a ghost looked back at her; one that she'd thought she'd left behind, a decade ago. And yet she looked and felt like the same young woman who had just lost her father.

'Why? You're supposed to be BETTER than this.'

…A part of her already knew why. Knew why pain was burrowing into her heart and tears were stinging at the corners of her eyes. And it had everything to do with the golden band on her finger, and the matching ring worn by her best friend.

'Except he's become something else, hasn't he?'

This was meant to be a straightforward agreement. An engagement of convenience, to help them both further their goals. Affection had no place in it.

'And yet… You wanted to hold onto him, didn't you? Wanted to keep one last piece of your heart from vanishing again, lest he decide to drop off the radar and go back to wandering the world.'

Shame curled into her stomach. Combined with the grief and longing squeezing at her heart, Mitsuru was altogether worried she'd be sick. She broke away from the mirror, stumbling towards her bed…

…And finding Akihiko standing in the doorway, staring at her in confusion.

"What are you doing here!?" That shame turned into self-loathing, with how accusatory her voice sounded.

"I-I was just worried. You looked… Really freaked out, after everything that happened." He winced from her voice as well. "Sorry… If I overstepped again. I can leave-"

He was already turning away… And somehow, a bolt of desperation quickened her steps, as she bridged the gap and caught him by the shoulder.

"Wait. J-just a moment. I…"

'I wish I could stop hurting you. It's the last thing I wanted.'

"Akihiko. I'm… Sorry." At least he'd traded out that hurt look for a shocked one, as he stared at her hand.

"For what?"

"For… How I have been handling myself. I've swung between being too cold and too emotional. This wasn't how I'd intended to act when we signed that agreement."

He slowly closed his hand over hers, gently lifted it off his shoulder so he could hold it in both of his.

"Mitsuru… It's going to be okay." He sounded just like he had at the DEVA device. Trying to steady her, to remind her to breathe. "We're teammates, right?"

She nodded at that.

"We always find a way to get through whatever we're up against."

As she looked at him, the Kirijo estate seemed to fall away. Replaced by a sickly green sky, and a terrible weight descending from the sky. Ready to crush them, even as she screamed defiance at it. And even as Akihiko stayed by her side. Never shrinking from the battle, from what could have been the end of the world.

'Of course he wouldn't run from this.'

She wanted to give him some sort of thanks for that. And explain that she was starting to feel something more, something that she wasn't entirely sure how to describe-

…But then her phone started to ring in her pocket. Akihiko dropped her hand, leaving her free to take the call. Much as Mitsuru wanted to throw the phone into the sink.

-o-o-o-

Akihiko left Mitsuru with whoever was on the other side of the phone, and tried not to feel like a coward as he did so.

'You just talked about facing things together.' Akihiko shook his head. But he doubted that he'd give much aid with hanging over her shoulder, listening in on her conversations. Instead, he found himself drifting towards the living room. Going back to his room didn't feel right, just then.

'Since when did you start thinking of it as your room?'

Maybe it was around the time he got used to that ring on his finger. Akihiko held it up to the lights, watching the reflections play across the gold band. He'd noticed the weight of the ring less and less over the past weeks.

'It stopped feeling strange to wear it. More like it's a part of my hand-'

He cut that thought off as Mitsuru opened the door and sat next to him; despite the fact that there were plenty of chairs scattered around the room, she still opted for the couch. At first he opened his mouth, wondering if he should apologize again for surprising her. That only lasted until he saw her face. And how carefully, meticulously blank it was.

'…That's never a good sign.'

Neither was what she said next.

"Akihiko …We need to talk."

-o-o-o-

It was a hard thing to keep her features blank. To not betray how much she felt like throwing up just then. Her stomach was twisting into knots, and a sour taste had settled into her throat; no amount of arguing over the phone had been able to change that.

"Mitsuru…? What's going on?" For his part, Akihiko was already keyed up, leaning forward where he sat.

"It's… Poor news, I'm afraid." Mitsuru told him. "The Kirijo Group has… Caught hint of what we've been doing. And how close of a call we've had."

"They had to know we'd be taking risks." Akihiko grumbled. "And we're still breathing, regardless."

Mitsuru shook her head at that; she'd tried the same argument with the directors, to no effect. They'd left no room for arguments or compromises.

"Either way, they feel that the risks are too great. Not without another assurance. They're putting pressure on me to…" The knots climbed up from her stomach and tried to settle in her throat. Words deserted her for a moment as she watched Akihiko. Still trying to help, despite everything.

"…To what?" He asked.

"To officially declare a fiancé. They've at least stepped away from SEBEC being a good partner, but that means…" Suddenly, it wasn't comfortable to be sitting so close to him. She stood up, hating the way her steps faltered; like her body couldn't decide whether it wanted to stay close to him, or shrink away.

"…I'm sorry, Akihiko. I hoped that this would simply be an arrangement of a year or longer. Then we could annul the contract, and go our separate… Ways." Why did that notion stick so much in her throat? "But now-"

"Now-?" For his part, Akihiko had gone unnervingly still. But she could see the thoughts racing behind his eyes.

"They want an official ceremony. To fully commit to my fiancé, until a formal wedding can be arranged." But she wouldn't chain him to such a contract.

She'd have to tell the board of directors that she was letting Akihiko go. And pray that whatever partner they'd selected for her wouldn't be too overbearing. Or too restrictive. She could at least hope for a partnership similar to what her own parents had experienced-

"Well… I'll try not to tear whatever outfit you pick out." Akihiko told her, disrupting her thoughts. "Y-you know… For whatever ceremony they're planning."

At first she could only stare at him, unsure of what she was hearing.

"But… I'll be careful with the suit. And read up on any formal things I gotta do."

"…Akihiko. You… Do realize that if you agree to this, it will become a formal, binding agreement? We'll be expected to eventually…"

"Y-yeah… But I already made up my mind, the first time I signed the papers. I don't see this as being much different; just that it's going to be a public ceremony. And a lot more people are going to kn-"

He cut off, and for a moment she was certain he was having second thoughts. That she'd found something that scared him enough to call it off.

"…Hell. We're going to have to explain this to the others, aren't we? Junpei's going to freak out." Akihiko was shaking his head, but there was also a slight smile moving across his face. "…It'll be a task to explain things to them. Hopefully you can help me with that, too."

"You're… Certain that you don't want to back out? I could break this contract, you know. Accept that it wouldn't work out, and-"

"I just told you that I'm ready for any challenge. When are you going to start believing me?"

She wanted to protest that he didn't know what he was getting into. That this was too much pressure, too much to ask for… And yet a part of her was also glad that Akihiko was this stubborn. That he had no wish to leave her behind, or alone.

"I… I suppose I'll need to work on selecting that outfit. And determining how we explain this to the others. Though we should likely start with inviting them to ceremony."

-o-o-o-

"…Dude. What the hell." Akihiko didn't turn to face Junpei all at once. Instead he kept fussing with his suit; he'd been struggling with his tie for the last ten minutes, and still hadn't gotten it right. His shoulders strained against the seams, tensing up when they picked out the frustration in Junpei's voice.

"You weren't going to tell me that you ended up with HER? Look, I appreciate the invitation, but c'mon man! Couldn't you give us a little warning first?" Akihiko finally surrendered on the tie, giving a defeated sigh as he turned around. He wasn't quite ready for that flash of anger and then disappointment on Junpei's face. "C'mon man, I thought we were tight! Aren't we supposed to be friends and teammates?"

Akihiko couldn't quite answer that. And his throat was having an oddly hard time working.

"Can't you trust me just a little with news like that!? I didn't even know you were back in Japan, and it turns out you're with the Empress-?"

"I'm sorry!" Akihiko blurted out. That at least stalled Junpei, and left Akihiko hurting a little less.

'I didn't mean to go behind anyone's back. Or start lying to anyone.'

"I… Sorry. Wish I'd been able to tell you about it before, but…" Akihiko dropped his hands from his throat, and let his head sag down a little.

"I-it's not that we're not friends. I just… Didn't want to go blabbing about it without talking it out with Mitsuru. It was her idea in the first place-" A little more understanding dawned on Junpei's face at that.

"Ah. Gotta respect your girl, huh?" He was looking a lot less hurt, and Akihiko decided not to correct him. "Heh, no wonder you're the first to get hitched. You finally got more smooth with the ladies."

…Akihiko reminded himself again that he wasn't going to correct Junpei. This day was going to be long enough already. But he did allow himself a grumble.

"You know, we heard some rumors. Kirijo got hooked up with some hotshot sports star. Didn't know it was you… And I wasn't sure about the story about her hubby-to-be beating up an entire Yakuza mob with a chair leg."

"Okay. THAT part was definitely exaggerated." A laugh somehow found its way into his throat at that. And Junpei managed to return it, shaking his head.

"…No hard feelings?" Akihiko still found himself asking.

"Nah. You can always make it up to me when the wedding finally rolls around. Try and get Mitsuru to throw the flowers Chidorita's way, right?"

"…Right. I make no promises, but I'll try." He missed this, Akihiko realized. The joking, the easy banter.

'Why did you leave this behind? Were you hurting that bad, that you decided to cut off everything you liked-?' Against his will, a memory of Mitsuru flashed up. Holding those documents and engagement ring in front of him. And also holding onto him with her eyes; like she was silently begging him not to slip away again.

'She didn't want to lose her friend. Any more than Junpei did.'

His hands went back up to his throat, working the tie again.

"…Hey, Junpei? Think you can catch me up on everything I missed? I know I was out of the loop for a while… And I wouldn't mind hearing what you've been up to."

And as Junpei beamed at him, the tie finally fell into place.

"Well man… First I gotta explain baseball to you."

-o-o-o-

"Perfect."

Mitsuru only really came back to herself when Yukari finished the fittings on her dress. She and Fuuka had both descended on Mitsuru in a flurry once they arrived, and Mitsuru had let herself switch to autopilot.

Casual physical contact was still strange territory for her. Whether it came to Akihiko, or old friends. Who were surprisingly more enthused than anything else about the arrangement.

"Though I wish you'd just TOLD us." Yukari let a little scolding into her voice as she stepped back and looked Mitsuru over. "You know we'd have your back, right? And we'd give Akihiko a crash course on how to treat you right-"

"H-he has been acceptable. As is." Mitsuru found herself protesting. "And we didn't wish to officially announce our relationship to the wider world, until we were… Certain this was what we wanted."

Thank God she'd worked this story out with Akihiko ahead of time. And it wasn't a full lie, either… Though she couldn't explain why there was still a sour feeling on her tongue, as the words left her mouth.

"So… When did you figure it out?" Yukari pressed, while Fuuka gave a startled noise. "C'mon! There had to be a moment when you realized how much you like him!"

…They hadn't rehearsed this, however. Mitsuru was struck still, trying not to stare at Yukari.

"I… He…"

'Ever since he held onto me while DEVA tried to take me apart.'

"Akihiko and I…"

'Ever since I woke up in his arms at the hotel. Since he saved my life at the dinner. Since he agreed to this entire farce…'

"It- I wonder if I've always felt something for him. And didn't realize it until recently." Mitsuru reeled as that thought slipped out. And her mind spun even more when she realized there was no sour taste in her mouth from a half truth.

Because there'd been no lie in that statement.

"Well, I'm happy for you." Fuuka spoke up. "You and he… Well, you just seem happy to be with each other."

"Y-you are certain?" Mitsuru found herself asking.

"Of course! I saw Akihiko speaking with Junpei, and… Well, while he seemed nervous, it's hard to miss how bright his eyes are. But why would you need to ask-?"

"Nerves. This is a binding ceremony… And I don't want him jumping into something he might regret. Or… Pledging himself to someone he might regret."

"Senpai…" Yukari murmured at that, clear pity in her voice.

"I haven't been your senpai for years, Yukari."

"Maybe. But you'll always be the leader of the group. Some things just don't change." Yukari gave her another glance over, before nodding in satisfaction. "There! All done. And trust me, when Akihiko sees you in this, regret is gonna be the furthest thing from his mind."

-o-o-o-

…Akihiko half wondered if it was too late to run, once he saw Mitsuru stepping into the ceremony room. He kept wondering that once he saw the eye-catching cut to her dress, the way she almost lit up the place… And how he clearly felt his heart pounding, almost terrified of how…

How beautiful she was. That thought alone made him want to bolt. But it also kept his feet fixed to the floor.

The Kirijo family had been very western with the entire event, all the way down to renting one of the few churches in Port Island, strictly setting the time to when the sun would be streaming through the stained glass and perfectly lighting up the room.

And as a side effect, making Mitsuru absolutely glow. The pale dress she wore demanded his entire attention. He had to remember to keep his mouth shut as Mitsuru walked towards him, and her dress shifted over her form.

'She's… Amazing-'

And he was staring. Likely making a fool of himself in the process. Akihiko reminded himself to blink; and that he was NOT going to do any running, no matter how nervous he'd suddenly gone. Not with everything he'd promised.

Though Mitsuru didn't comment on any of that, as she took her place beside him. Instead she was regarding him with a careful look, letting the words of the ceremony wash over them. Words about promising their futures together, and ensuring loyalty towards a marriage and beyond-

And Akihiko tried desperately to remember their plan for the end of the ceremony. They were expected to kiss; probably as a rehearsal for any actual future wedding. Except his mind kept blanking out over the prospect of…

Of kissing-

'What am I supposed to do?' He thought, right as the ceremony dwindled down, and Mitsuru turned to fully face him. She must have seen the panic in his face, as she leaned forward and whispered 'fifteen.'

Right. Just as they'd planned.

Fifteen seconds.

Trust Mitsuru to turn kissing into an exact science and formula. Akihiko swallowed, gathering his breath as he leaned forward. His fingers shivered a little as he brushed her hair aside, and he tried to steady his hands by remembering their plan.

Fifteen seconds, Mitsuru had told him. That would be long enough to convince even the most suspicious in the audience. And ideally, it wouldn't leave things too awkward for them. With that in mind he counted off the seconds as he brushed his lips against hers.

At three seconds, his thoughts started to fizzle out. Because there was a certain warmth to Mitsuru's lips that captured all of his attention. It made the world oddly fade out, until it was just him and Mitsuru. A few strands of her hair tickled at his face, but he still didn't want to break away.

He was holding his breath; probably just as well, otherwise he'd be murmuring her name.

Ten seconds. He was vaguely aware of that; his heart was beating fast, but still worked for measuring time and breaths. He slowly let his own out as Mitsuru sighed against his mouth.

There was likely just five seconds remaining on this kiss. He could start pulling away. Instead, he found himself lingering. His hand went up to brush at her chin. Her hand rested on his chest, and Akihiko was certain she was about to give him a slight push, reminding him their time was up.

Instead, her fingers splayed out over his heart and just… Rested there. Like they were feeling out his heartbeat.

He was pretty certain at that point that they were six seconds over the time limit. Then ten. And yet Mitsuru didn't step away from him. Her eyes were closed instead, and something about this moment made his sides shudder-

And the reality of the situation caught up to him. Their noses bumped together as Akihiko lifted his head. He half wanted to apologize, that something came over him… But the odd look Mitsuru gave him stilled all of that.

But this also wasn't the time or the place to comment on it. There were cheers from one portion of the audience, and a dumb grin traced across his face when he recognized the voices of other, former SEES members. Even more surprising was how Mitsuru's lips quirked up for just a moment. The next moment her faint smile was gone, replaced by a carefully polite and well crafted mask.

"Well… We have a celebration of sorts to attend." She informed him, stalling any strangeness before it could take root. Akihiko could only nod, and let her take him by the wrist, leading him down the aisle. He wondered at the way his fingers half curled against hers… And he also wondered at that smile from before. And if there was any chance he can coax more out of her.

'Probably not through kissing.' He reminded himself… And tried to banish all thoughts on that lingering kiss to the back of his mind. Mitsuru was right; they had a collection of well wishers, friends, and steely eyed business men to meet. He was also determined that they'll tackle it as a team.

Just like they'd promised each other, in their own private ceremony of sorts.

'Now you just have to do something about the way your heart is pounding over her.'