Chapter 14: The Confession Of Feelings

Akihiko's feet dragged against the tile, and he knew he was making a dripping mess on the rugs. The shower had helped with clearing his head, but hadn't done much to chase the sudden fatigue out of his body.

He almost wanted to just refill the tub, and soak in that all day…

…But then he remembered those gold eyes. How they'd dug into him, gloated over him, even as the Shadows pulled out everything he never wanted to say-

Akihiko grabbed one of the towels, and worked on scrubbing his hair dry. He would worry about smoothing it out later. AFTER he'd filled his thoughts with whatever Mitsuru had to say, and hopefully chased every unsaid secret and desire out of his head. His side gave a quick twinge, reminding him just how fresh all those concerns were.

'And then there was how Mitsuru looked at you… And what she said to you…'

Small wonder he felt battered all over, and wondering if he should stall on the meeting. Maybe instead, it'd be better to collapse into bed. Akihiko half turned from the bathroom, towards his bedroom. Maybe more sleep would cure him of that weakness.

'You know it won't work like that. You'll be lucky if those shadows don't follow you into your dreams again.'

God. He couldn't get that image out of his head; how he'd seen his hands groping at Mitsuru, clawing at her like she was a damn prize. He'd looked almost like Saeki had, with trying to own Mitsuru… And desiring her, almost addicted to touching her. His own fingers twitched, trying to ball into fists-

And he almost jumped out of his skin when a hand fell on his shoulder.

"…Wait." Mitsuru murmured to him, in an oddly soft voice. Her touch was cold, a few droplets soaking into his skin; proof she'd just come out of the showers as well. Akihiko risked a glance over his shoulder… And swiftly started to regret it, when he realized how little she was wearing.

Between the two of them, their clothing amounted to bathrobes and…

His eyes risked dropping down.

…He glimpsed some plain undergarments on his part, and something with way too much lace in it for Mitsuru.

"M-Mitsuru…?" He rasped out. "…You sure this can't wait until we're more…" He tried not to look at the places where her robe showed skin. Or think about how exposed he felt in jogging pants and little else.

"Until we're more …You know, dressed?"

Mitsuru hesitated at that, but ultimately shook her head.

"…I fear if I do that, I'll find a new excuse to put this off."

'The same way I keep looking for excuses.`'

Maybe that was why she was keeping a hand firmly on his shoulder. Akihiko held himself still, as her fingers gradually warmed from where they rested against his skin. For her part, Mitsuru took a long breath, before speaking again.

"So… I wish for you to stay near me."

Feeling her touch was strange enough… But stranger still was how her words lacked any hint of orders. More than anything, it sounded like a request. Or even a plea. It was enough to draw Akihiko away from his rooms, even when Mitsuru dropped her hand and beckoned him to follow. That strange tone kept him following Mitsuru down the hallway, into a small side room, until the door clicked shut behind them.

Leaving them alone once again.

It was a small enough room; one TV, a handful of lamps, and a few old couches that looked worn at the edges. His eyes darted around, almost afraid that same red and distortion would fall over them again… But the rooms stayed entirely still.

With a jolt, he realized it looked almost like the old dorm rooms; and he had a shrewd notion on where some of the old furniture had ended up. He was surprised Mitsuru was sentimental enough to keep it… But he also wasn't about to complain. He needed something familiar to grasp onto.

'Make that something familiar that isn't her own hands.'

He noticed Mitsuru's fingers were busy running up and down her arms, and nervously combing through her hair. Since he couldn't hold onto those, Akihiko settled for sitting in one of the couches and gripping at the cushions.

Gently, though. Considering this furniture had survived S.E.E.S. he didn't want to put anymore strain on it, or tear through the fabric.

Mitsuru remained standing, almost wavering from place to place… And looking all the more exposed in that bathrobe. Which Akihiko was still trying not to focus on.

"O-okay. Like you said, I'm waiting." Waiting for her word on what to do next. And yet… Mitsuru didn't act. Instead her eyes stayed stuck on him, her throat fluttering. No matter how her throat pulsed, she could only manage shaky breaths instead of words.

"You… Don't know what's next, do you?"

"…No." Mitsuru finally found her voice, but it was a faint thing, straining for control. "Just that I… Didn't wish to see you leave. Or feel your absence for too long. Forgive me, if that-"

"Nothing to forgive. It's not too much to ask." He found himself assuring Mitsuru. And there must have been something in his voice that got to her. And convinced Mitsuru to ease herself down, sitting next to him on the couch. Though she also hesitated to meet his eyes, and her grip on the couch had gone tight; he was sure he could hear fabric fraying under her nails.

"There's… Everything is a mess now." Mitsuru told him; he'd seldom heard her voice waver like that. "I've hurt you, and yet I'm still asking you to stay-"

'Because neither of us should face this alone.' Somehow he knew that as a certainty. And he found himself stretching his hand out, brushing their fingers together.

Mitsuru froze at that, and even her words stilled from the contact. He distantly noticed that her hand was back to being cold. Almost chilling… And a sign that Penthesilea had to sense her discomfort, trying to protect her all over again. Akihiko shifted his hand, covering hers with his palm and trying desperately to share some sort of warmth.

Something in him screamed that this was a bad idea; that this was too much like what had happened with their Shadows. The rest of him knew that leaving Mitsuru alone and uncertain… And maybe even hurting, all of it was unthinkable. And that somehow, it was very important that he kept holding onto her hand, squeezing at her fingers.

"I sort of… Know a little of what you're feeling." Akihiko said at last. "You're hurt, you're off balance… And you're terrified of what those Shadows said. It was almost lies but…"

"But it was mostly truth, in many ways." Mitsuru finished for him, before giving a long sigh. "I… I don't know what to do about it…"

He shifted his grip, turning their hands so their fingers started to weave together. He could feel Mitsuru's hand finally warm to his, the more contact they shared.

"Whatever it is we do… I'm still here." Akihiko reminded her. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"Not… Disappearing again." Mitsuru whispered. Her voice grew fainter, still struggling with something. "I…"

And here they were now; battered and bloody, barely held together by a collection of spells. His heart, somehow, felt the worst out of everything. He could still see Mitsuru laying on the floor, bleeding out… And that twisted version of himself standing over her.

Small wonder he clutched at her hand.

'I meant what I said before… I can't lose her too. If that means I hang onto her…' His thumb pressed into her palm, tracing circles and made-up patterns; it kept him from clutching at her, kept his touch gentle… Though of all things, that was what convinced Mitsuru to look up at him, finally meet him eye to eye.

"Akihiko, I…" Mitsuru's voice was ragged, almost broken. Now he recognized when he'd heard her sound so broken and defeated; the night her father had died. She looked half like a ghost herself, her face pale as she looked over their fingers.

"I… Owe you a number of apologies." She was fighting for calm, for control. To freeze any vulnerability out of her words. "I meant for this to always be a straight forward arrangement. We'd put on a show to satisfy the Kirijo Group, and all the various allies and enemies in the business world. And that is all it would be."

"I know…" Akihiko started to look away from her, shame dulling his eyes. He began to release her fingers one at a time, as he remembered the details of the agreement… And those details never called for him to feel this way. The instructions never demanded that odd mixture of longing and affection to fill his heart whenever he looked at Mitsuru.

"But… I ended up breaking that agreement in a very short time." Mitsuru said. His jaw fell open, and he wanted to ask what she meant by that. But now that Mitsuru had found her voice again, she was determined to keep talking. "And… I'm realizing what a shameful thing it was for me to do in the first place. To try and use you like that-"

"Y-you didn't use me!" Akihiko protested, raising his voice. "You gave me the option, and I accepted. I didn't want you to face this alone. But… After that, I started to… To feel differently about you."

"I broke our agreement, that this was just a favor between friends. Because I…" His voice hitched, and then started to break.

'Because I found myself falling in love with you.'

He couldn't meet her eye to eye any longer.

"Oh, Aki…" He jolted. The ice was off of Mitsuru's voice once more, replaced with a soft quality… And she'd also shortened his name.

-o-o-o-

'Aki-' She almost couldn't believe that she'd called him that.

And yet… Some part of it felt right, even as it twisted her up, left her feeling almost ashamed.

'Aki… I can't help but call you that. Because I-

…How did I break this arrangement so thoroughly?'

"I'm sorry…" She thought she knew pain. Mitsuru had repeated that mantra so many times; that she knew pain, she knew cold and isolation, and those things had become steadfast companions. It was only when she heard Akihiko's voice break that she knew all of that was a lie.

She'd never known it was possible to feel such heart ache, over a handful of words.

"I'm sorry I forced you to suffer like this. To grapple with emotions and shove them down, until they turned into… Into THAT." In answer, Akihiko traced his thumbs over her hand. The gesture was gentle, in a way his Shadow had never been.

"Though I'm still at a loss, on why you developed feelings for ME." She let just a touch of harshness into her voice, as she looked down at herself. As revealing as her robe was, the white fabric was also a far cry from her Shadow. Not that it could block out the sneer from her memories; the reminders of how cold she was, and distant-

"Wh-why wouldn't I?" Akihiko blurted out. And brought his free hand up, reaching out for her. He must have read the disbelief on her face, with how he kept his motions slow and his voice low.

"Mitsuru, I mean it. I-I'm not surprised that I fell for you." His hand cupped the side of her face, and Mitsuru found herself leaning into his touch. The press against her cheek and her hand were oddly calming, at odds with how Akihiko's words made her heart pound.

"You're-

When you told me you wanted someone close by, it made me think. About how much I missed being around you all the time. And then I… I sort of realized that I wanted to stay close to you; not just for a few months, but… But for as long as I could hang onto you."

Just like he was hanging onto her hand now. His other hand touched at her shoulder, trying to keep her close… Even as his fingers tried to shake.

"I hated myself for it. I felt like I was pushing past the rules we'd set up, since I was… I was feeling less and less like I had to fake liking you."

His touch was turning tender, and she almost wondered if he'd kiss her… But she could also feel Akihiko holding himself back. Still trying to honor their rules.

"Oh…" She sighed at that. "Aki… I…"

"It's okay. You can just tell me that this is… Just supposed to be an arrangement, so you can focus on the important things. And I think that'll be enough for me-"

For her part, she'd had enough of those rules.

"I can't!" She blurted out. "I… Can't keep lying to you. And acting like I… Like I don't…"

One last breath. She forced it to be a deep lungful of air, even as her sides shuddered; she'd need something to steady herself, before leaping off the precipice.

"I can't lie, and say that it's unrequited. Because I feel the same. I… Right now the most important person in my life is… You." Akihiko's eyes widened at that. Before his hand slowly trailed along her neck.

His touch was oddly soft against her skin.

She never thought she'd break under something that gentle, but she could feel her eyes sting. She'd also thought abandoning all poise was the most disgraceful thing she could do… And yet, Akihiko wasn't disgusted with her, or disappointed. Instead he gently ran his fingers along her cheeks, wiping away at her tears.

The weight of what he was doing seemed to crash into Akihiko all at once. His touch went from gentle to tight as his shoulders stiffened, and he pulled back his hand.

"S-sorry. That was… I didn't mean to get into your space-"

His fingers lifted from his cheek… And Mitsuru found herself snapping her own hand out and desperately grabbing onto his, trying to hold onto his warmth for a little longer. Hoping that she could bring that gentle touch back.

"Please." She hated how clumsy her voice was just then; that it could only manage one word… And yet, Akihiko seemed to understand it. His other hand reached up and gently brushed her bangs out of her face, so he could see her clearly. And he must have seen a longing, haunted look in her eyes, because he started to lean forward.

Mitsuru released his hand. She brought her fingers up, and hesitantly placed them over Akihiko's lips. Then she brought them to her own lips, before meeting Akihiko eye to eye. He dipped his head in a nod. It brushed their foreheads and noses together… And at last, Mitsuru leaned forward, bringing their lips together.

Again, she was amazed by how warm his mouth was on hers. He didn't seem to mind the chill that clung to her own skin; Artemisia was always persistent when Mitsuru exerted herself, like the Persona was trying to protect her summoner with a shield of ice. Yet Akihiko didn't shrink from the cold, as he sighed against her lips.

The memory of their ceremonial kiss sprung up. And the way she'd felt a sense of peace and a desire for more. It was a near mirror for what she felt now, as she wrapped her arms around Akihiko's shoulders. He clung onto her in turn, holding them close together.

It was strange, how well they fit together in an embrace. Strange… But not unexpected; not with how they always seemed to match and compliment the other. She savored getting pressed against his chest, feeling how warm he was to the touch, and the way their breathing slowly synched up.

When they broke apart from the kiss, Mitsuru found herself resting her head on Akihiko's shoulder.

"Thank you…" She managed. "For…"

For agreeing to her foolish offer in the first place. For staying by her side, even as she grew colder and the world grew darker. For always being someone she could count on. She wanted to tell him that and more, and yet her tongue was determined to turn traitor. She could barely manage the words.

"For… Being yourself." And yet for all that… Akihiko seemed to understand. Particularly with how Akihiko leaned a little closer, and bumped his forehead against hers.

"Aki-" The name still felt so odd on her tongue; both too familiar, and yet it was the easiest thing to call him. "It still feels strange to shorten your name like that… But also not unpleasant at all."

"Well… I don't mind you calling me that. Sounds kinda nice, hearing you say that." Akihiko had yet to break apart, keeping his arms wrapped around her. Much of his warmth was sinking in past her robe, warming her up with each breath.

It was, Mitsuru realized, the most relaxed she'd felt in a long, long time. She didn't want this moment to be over. Wanted to stay curled against him for as long as time and life would allow… But of course, the world was still moving. And there was still plenty of unresolved matters.

Akihiko seemed to sense as much, with how he watched her. He'd tilted his head to get a better look at her, and Mitsuru reluctantly lifted herself from his shoulder.

"Well… It sounds like this engagement is going to become something else?" At least Akihiko hadn't fully let go of her, even as he asked that.

"Y…Yes. I've no wish to annul it. And every desire to have it continue… That is if you'd…" Akihiko answered Mitsuru by lifting her hand up to his lips… And gently kissing her ring finger. First the tips of her fingers, then her knuckles, and then settling his lips on the golden band.

Even without words, he made his point quite vividly.

"But before then, there's one obstacle…"

"SEBEC." Akihiko picked up the thought. "I doubt they're happy about us confessing. And wanting to turn this into a long-term arrangement. They're going to strike again, aren't they?"

"Yes… So we must ready ourselves for the counter. Though… Perhaps first…" Mitsuru trailed off, and found herself leaning against Akihiko's shoulder.

"First… I think we both need the rest." Akihiko told her. "Can't win a fight if we're not at full strength."

Mitsuru gave a low, agreeing murmur to that. Though neither of them broke apart to seek separate rooms. Instead, Akihiko pulled her up, and then let her take the lead; let her guide him towards her own bedroom. Their hands stayed clasped together the entire time.

'And that's… Not such a bad thing, is it?'

Perhaps for now… She could at least allow herself this one kindness. And this one moment with Akihiko.