New Paradigm Initiative
TBBT/Kevin Smith verse AU
Author' Notes and Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory and Dogma, their characters, dialogue and plots are property of their respective Production Companies Creators and Networks. I obviously am not compensated for this in any way besides entertaining myself without my WIFI access. I am just playing in their respective universes.
Lanky and Annoying Flash: "I can win without Green Lantern"
Green Lantern Hal Jordan: "Really?! Awesome then. Goodnight and Have fun.
LA Flash: " I see…It's obvious…that your failure…wah...wah…wah…wahh. Roommate agreement…wah...wah...wah…
GL: Rolls his spectacled eyes mockingly mimes with his hand as the voice that he has learned to tune out continues its usual pattern of condescension, insults and lectures.
Short and even Creepier than normal Batman: "Look Homes it sucks for you, but it's funny for us.
Chuckles
So unbunch your panties and suck it up. Be a sport you don't want to look like…
With the blonde Wonder Woman in the room, Pity Party Aquaman can only nod discreetly. Trying to hide his insensitivity and lack of compassion for his put upon friend.
Raising a challenging eyebrow, Green Lantern Hal Jordan costumed man responds with a sigh
GL: "Bored now. You are like a broken record, Mister Wolowitz."
Delivered with a perfect patented Hofstadter deapan
"So…Basically, you all need me to be the chump that you three have been making fun of and laughing at since last April. Erm… actually… since we met? Nope! Hard pass! Not gonna dew-itdew-et. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture. (Dana Carvey George Bush impression).
I am going through with my original New Year plans. They don't involve Any Of You. Especially Dr. Dipshit, my Ex, her new boyfriend or going to a party thrown by a former pseudo friend that she hooked up with. While you three, 'my friends'...
He snarls through clenched teeth the word friends expressed with obvious sarcasm and disdain
…seem to find my suffering hilarious. Let's play a quick game. Can any of you name one time that I have ever been deliberately cruel, malicious or uncaring like this to any of you?!"
Looking over to his former best friend, he flashes her a guilty yet contrite look…
Sign
'Okay! Here we go'
Pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Penny…Deep breath…I did not have sex with Dr. Plimpton. For many reasons that I won't get into. Because it's nobody's business at all. Full stop! We pretty much talked all night and did spatial multi planear calculations and chaos theory applications to Cosmological Physics. Went through my entire supply of dry erase markers and I had the writer's cramp and carpal tunnel from the typing to show for it.
Not to mention that I was emotionally wrung out and practically the walking dead that morning. You just assumed as did Dr. Dumbass …
A Registered intellectual property of the smoking hot Dr. Leslie Winkle or as I refer to her Bizarro Gender Bent me."
In his best impression of the TV disclaimer voice.
Snerk
"But… Martini, I mean Dr. Plimpton and I. We did fall asleep together. Point of fact, I've known Elizabeth since I was 12. She and my sister Katherine are best friends. The Plimptons lived like 350 yards away from us in the next big ridiculous house down the road from us.
Sheldon! Oh yeah that night right! Erm…actually for clarification, we passed out and I ended up as the little spoon…I gave her a Sciencegasm. Which is the only kind of gasm any man has ever or could ever give her. Her joke…uh huh. Yeah, big ole dyke from birth…quoting her here. Don't kill me! That's the only reason that I am comfortable sharing. But it's a great one in and of itself."
A far off look and small simple smile.
Taking cruel joy at the shocked and horrified looks of his four friends, especially Aquaman and Batman! The Flash's eyes widen..
'Yup. Gotcha Bitch!' A mental Dave Chapelle chimes in'
"It was nice. She always looked at me as a little brother even though we are only 18 months apart in age. She helped me. I woke up with my face stuck to the spot in her book where we were working on…Well…that's confidential. Non disclosure agreements and whatnot. Strict ones, the penalties alone…"
He trails off as an involuntary shudder passes through him…
"You all understand right? I slept pretty well that next night, after being awake for four days straight. That's what Sheldon was really pissed about. That's why he was quick to insinuate that we had coitus to cause trouble for me. He didn't care that it hurt you. That was just a bonus for him. He just got the results he wanted. You are angry at me and taking his side. Without knowing the facts as usual.
He finds your buttons easy to push. I believe his exact words were dance monkeys dance. He isn't the only one who knows how the acoustics in our building work. Vulcan hearing my left nut. Eavesdropping muth….Because I really am used to…much much worse he didn't phase me. I grew up at the non-existent mercy of one truly skilled in manipulation and deceit. I'm a Hofstadtr. We are Machiavellian to the bone. But unfortunately damage is cumulative and even the strongest defenses wear down over time especially under constant pestering and increasing aggressive bombardments without the opportunity to repair them. Or any down time. Somewhere we are. I'm at my limit. In the razor's edge.
Penny, if you are still talking to me after tonight, then I'll tell you sometime about having to stop him from trying to program what he deemed acceptable behavior into you, Like A Pet Dog! A Blonde Labradoodle!
He snarls in hatred towards LA Flash. No one notices the black feather slaying on the back of his head, innocently sticking out of his thick dark curly hair.
"Ask him. He's dying to brag about it. Look at him. It is soooo beneath him to hide his brilliant stratagem to keep me in my place. Using the unimpressive dull minded waitress too wah…wah…wah…
He blows a raspberry shart.
"It's like Dr. Beverly and Micheal but 'total fucking clown shoes amateur hour.' It would actually be funny to me if I didn't hurt you so much Penny."
He snarls with violent hostility towards the Flash…and a look of unguarded shame towards his first true adult friend and probable forever lost love after tonight.
'The chocolates? …That little shit…'
Her eyes wide at the realization. His voice breaks through the haze of her growing anger.
"...Because he could punish me for taking his friend's attention away from the big giant toddler himself."
Smirking cruelly
"The Homo dufus ladies and germs. We did science without him. Him! The Homo Novus! The nerve of the entire scientific world. How dare I. A lesser unimportant bench monkey who's only worth is to usher the…wah…wah…wah…wah…wah(imitation of adults from Charlie Brown cartoons).
He trails off ending his statement with a bored eye roll, and pantomiming a rude gesture that mimics the act of male self love…
Chuckling maliciously
"…After all, according to Elizabeth he was all but pimping me out to her. From the time they met. She was intrigued at the presumption apparently. And how the fuck you thought that she would ignore that fact that you met by intercepting my professional correspondence with her on behalf of CERN. Hahahah…."
The laughter has no mirth in it. It is a sickly approximation of laughter.
Each occurrence of the broken and empty parody of happiness makes her want to lunge forward and hold him. But it's too late. The bridge was burned. She tries to hold it together, she doesn't want anyone to see her pain. Especially the one who has been silently suffering all this time and finally lashing out.
'I guess that no one was listening. Please don't let this be it?'
"…Sheldon Cooper pimp to the upper echelon of academia ladies and germs. In addition to being an unrepentant attention whore, credit hog, plagiarist, National Security Risk and a fucking thief. Let's add mail tampering, identity theft and bank and wire fraud…
You Fucking defective, barley functional narcissistic, borderline sociopathic, bargain basement knockoff of a wannabe Hofstadter wash out!
A real Hofstadtr would have pulled all of that off without leaving any evidence or getting caught. They would have a fall guy perfectly set up to suffer. Preferably an enemy or some uppity idiot who is punching above his weight class. You incompetent Motard!"
He states in his perfected and cultured Hofstadtr monotone.
ALF tries to interrupt but Pity Party Aqua Man puts his hand over his mouth. Nothing this guy says will do anything but escalate things possibly to violence. Penny in spite of everything will side with Leonard and so will Zach it seems. Sheldon Cooper needs to keep his trap shut for all of their sakes. He's said enough apparently.
SCB: 'Ooh he went Thermonuclear on that burn! It burns so hot because it's true! Didn't know he had it in him! This should be fun. That's it, be the asshole and break her heart. I'll be there to comfort her. Hehhehe. Giggidy giggidy'
Deep breath
GL continues,"I was angry, bitter and felt like being petty. Can you really blame me? After that giant selfish spazz out of yours in a bowling alley? You did just publicly humiliate me less than forty eight hours before. I wanted the conversation over and YOU out of my face. I have been putting up with these three and their passive aggressive bullying every minute since. Like a pack of bitchy 13 year old girls. Have them show you their little video projects. But you knew about that already right?."
He pins Blonde Wonder Woman with a look. Not in any way hostile, just one of certainty. She cannot refute it. When she he went off on them while he was away for work.
"…hence the guilt and pretending that I didn't exist, but no apology. Staying away until it blows over. Your usual modus operandi. Because I am just supposed to forgive and forget. To be waiting around like some pathetic abandoned and abused puppy RighT? Wrong! Those days are long over. They were on their last legs in that fucking bowling alley. And finally keeled over during the two weeks you spent avoiding me like some abusive asshole you have to get away from!"
'You wanted your Ross and Rachel bullshit on a break scenario? That is not just unhealthy, but selfish self destructive Rom Com bullshit. Grow the fuck up damn you woman! This is real life with real people with real feelings besides your own. You're not an idiot kid, just a selfish and shallow coward! Chasing a delusional fantasy that has only gotten you traumatized and…'
His control is enough to keep that train if thought to himself. Sadness evident on his face. But the mental gears turning is obvious to those who have become familiar with his patterns. His anger however is palpable…
"Eh..No. Fuck that! Not this time. Or any time since that night. No more free passes for anyone! Ever again!"
Blonde Wonder Woman is fighting the urge to cry. But that pain is slowly being pushed aside by her pride in her Man. Yes, he is hers. She just hasn't worked up the courage to cowgirl up and Take him back yet. But it seems that her time is running out. If not already past.
'Keep going baby. Get it all out. You have been holding on to this too long…I am so sorry. I should be holding your hand right now while you do this. But I'm one of the people you need to tell off. The main one. I am so sorry Leonard. I hope that you will let me make this right. For you. I love you!'
She fights back the tears that threaten to break her fragile mask.
Deep breaths. He calms his white knuckled hands grip so tight his knuckles crack and the sound of tendons…
"Look… love. I just took a page out of your usual playbook. It was petty and it felt great to be the one twisting the knife for a change. I wish that I could say that I am sorry. But, I needed time and distance to and was still processing. We both know that you weren't gonna give me that even though you practically threatened me with bodily harm for that same Respect!."
He paused to collect his thoughts not wanting to bungle this. It's too important. He has to get this out in order to move past it.
Finding the right words he continues,
"I didn't want to talk to you at all. I definitely did not want the fight you were looking for that evening to justify your shitty behavior towards me; after the fact. I just let you believe whatever the hell made it easier for you to cop-out, justify your usual b.s. Then cut and run again. You were going to anyway. It's your pattern. I wasn't in the mood for your selfish hypocritical bullshit, so I preemptively did what I had to in order to get out of the conversation and get angry, hypocritical and judgmental Penny out of my face."
Seeing her flinch hurts him but this has to be said. In this time and place. And she is finally listening. She'll probably kick his ass then never speak to him again. However his piece of mind demands it.
"...sh-sh-she is a very una-attractive girl. Nothing like my beautiful best friend that I fell in love with. She's the arrogant insecure bully of a Blond Midget Asshole that I ended up. She was just like Dr. Dipshit, her precious Shelly and his two flying creepy passive aggressive butt monkeys over there. Fucking bait and switch bullshit! Oh bookkeeping…
Blonde Midget Asshole is the intellectual property of Dr. L Hofstadter a Limited Liability Corporation."
He closes his eyes and collects himself to continue.
"However, keep in mind that I never judged You or your actions in the past. I only judged those instances when you deliberately mistreated Me through clenched teeth.
Each word of his angry tirade further seals their fate. There won't be any future for them. He sounds as if he doesn't even want her friendship any more. Would she? If he had done even one of the things she has put him through. She got the hell away from Kurt but kept going back. Leonard put up with all of them for seven years. Three years longer than she did before she finally ditched Kurt and the rest of the toxic people in her former circle. He is finally at his limit. She and Zack invaded his time. Sheldon once again deliberately hurt them both for his own ends and amusement.
"…And even then I am always way too fucking easy to forgive especially without any real apology. Just some crocodile tears what seemed to be looks of guilt. Because seeing you in pain breaks my heart. So I let you play me. Because otherwise you avoid me for long enough for me to drop it just to have you back in my life. Weak shit Penelope…"
His once bright and happy eyes are now emotionless. But filled with the beginnings of unshed tears.
"..v-very fucking weak you became predictable and boring. You're right that did get old and I have moved on from that toxic b.s. I-i knew that it was just your pain and avoidance. You are much much more than those few weak moments. I would not have wasted three years on someone who is not worth it. Penelope."
She schools her features as the sound of her full name starts a familiar warmth building in her.
'Oh dady. What the fuck is wrong with me. My baby is pouring out his heart. Letting out his hurt and pain and all I'm thinking of is…He is hot. Especially…NO! He needs me to listen even if it's for the last time.' She returns to the present while checking to see if anyone noticed her dirty metal Segway.
Seeing everyone riveted. Raj and Howard restraining and covering Sheldon's mouth. Her date Zack is paying close attention with a look.
'Is that support…pride? My Leonard…huh. I'll deal with that later.'
Her king of the Nerds flat monotone voice requires her attention. He is dropping the hammer tonight.
"…I don't even get the tears or guilt from those…three. I gave up on them years ago and accepted that no amount of talking or arguing would change anything. Selfish…fuc…"
'He called me Love. Maybe he still…He never said that before. He did call me lovebug when my dad was here to mess with me. He means it. He meant it then too. Stupid…stupid…stupid. I could have been back with him all this time…She's gay? Shit. Even if she was straight and he slept with her I went off on him over a rebound. After I humiliated him. Hypocrite much Penelope Christine? Leaza called it. I was such a Fucking coward. He called me Love, though. Change of plans.'
She feels a bump to her side. She looks up at her New Year's date at his knowing look. She ponders.
'Zack may be dim in most things but when it comes to business and people he is way ahead of everyone in this room. Including me.'
Superman Zack gives her his best encouraging smile.
'Oh shit…oh shit. How the fuck did I not see it. He looks just like a taller, less serious and perpetually exhausted Leonard. Darker brown eyes. Not the pretty whiskey browns. Black curly hair but full of product. Not Leonard's soft natural curls. Zack has a nice smile that lights up his face but not Leonard's smile that makes my stomach so flips.'
Tears start to form in her eyes as the dam starts to break. An urge rises up in her as her Green Lantern continues.
GL takes a few deep breaths to calm himself and help fight through the blood pounding in his ears. Forcing the words through terrifying anxiety to release his pain and let it go forever…
Tears well up in his eyes but do not fall.
'Cracks are showing, better wrap this up'
"Huh….
Running his fingers over his eyes and tasting the liquid in them …
"…hmmm…salty…Respect people. R-r-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me. (sing song) Shit…thanks to you selfish jerks I feel like Humpty Dumpty. And all the king's horses…"
Giving her a sincere look to convey his earnest emotions but no apology…
Clap
"So, besides that one? Any actual instances, Justice League Classic? I'll wait. And please Feel free to make use of Sheldon's eidetic memory."
Zach frowns in sympathy as Penny flinches at the all to truthful accuracy of his little buddy's cutting words. Her own thoughts play on her face as her anger and frustration builds borne if guilt and embarrassment builds…
'Great he picks tonight to do this. Happy fucking New Year. I am only going to this fucking lame party for his sake. That Four eyed jackass, she calls him mentally with affection. I know I fucked up. My entire family knows that I fucked up. Even Zack gets that I fucked up. And What the fuck is Zach thinking? The Idiot! He knows that Leonard is my ex, The Ex! Why do they always end up being selfish assholes!'
Green Lantern Whistling the theme to Jeopardy…music ends and…enjoying every twitch of the silence Lanky Annoying Flash.
"Uh huh. Egg-xactly. I get it you're all finally with the cool kids now! Good for you guys. You have Penny and Zack. Like Dr. Dipshit said… You don't need Me anymore. So, Happy New Year!"
His cheerful and jovial demeanor puts the four on the back foot. Expecting depressed and resigned Leonard to bolster their moods. But …
"Besides, the Classic DCU costumes are getting old. There is no challenge or creativity involved. I prefer to cosplay. It's about your own connection to and creative expression of your love of the characters or series interpreted in a way uniquely your own…"
Blonde Wonder Woman finally getting her tears under control
'What. the. fuck. does that have to do with anything?'
"...Comic Con and Conventions suck when everyone wears the same stock mass produced and/or copied unoriginal…crap. It's not fun for me anymore. I make and sell my own licensed graphic t-shirts and apparel. The rash guards and compression wear are a big seller around convention season. Stuart sells them on consignment for me and so does Donny at Galaxy Comics."
"My biggest customers are the pretty people like Zack and Penny who have the bodies to do my work justice. No fake muscles or padding. Did you guys know that? Of course not. You would have found some way to sabotage or ruin it, especially the red and yellow parasite over there."
This earns a chuckle from Creepier than normal Short Batman. And almost cause Pity Party Aquaman to laugh and lose his grip in the annoying lanky one's toxic waste spewing food hole. He observes.
'Wait, he's talking about me!/He's talking about me? I thought that this was just about Sheldon and Penny!' They both somehow think simultaneously.
"I made this… boringly disappointing thing. It was no challenge at all…"
Shaking his head in disappointment and gesturing to his convention level DCU Classic Hal Jordan Green Lantern costume.
"It took less than six hours and $43.13 total made from leftover scraps. I knocked it out practically half awake after work. But, I actually have a buyer willing to pay $900 for it. Pft! Go figure.
It's why I spend hours doing makeup for people there at conventions. It's the only interesting thing about the weekend for me. Because you three and your majority rules schedules and selfish choices. No consideration for my interests or what I want to do. The great panels that I miss on animation, costume design, make up and CGI special effects, combat choreography for cinema…motion capture…"
He trails off
The picture he is painting is beginning to clear up for Penny. The little things that add up and make the big things unbearable because there is no escape or reprieve from any of it.
'So they don't let him enjoy the Convention thingy. They made it about themselves then overruled him. Because he wants everyone to be happy but they don't care about him as long as…we all get what we want.' Another jolt of pain and guilt. The arousal she was beginning to feel is now gone.
"Just like tonight. I told you three that I had plans for tonight two weeks ago. But…as usual…"
Sign
"You know what? I am the asshole here. Right now."
Wonder Woman mumbles under her breath
"No baby you are doing so good. It's about time…"
Hearing her encouraging words confuses him, so he refocuses his fractured psyche and continues.
"…This is not the time to unpack any of this. I am sorry Zack. I've been holding this crap in for years. The apartment I told you about is finally ready. We finally closed on the brownstone in May. Coincidentally, on my birthday a few months ago. Renovations were done as of last Friday. My entire life savings for sweet freedom…'Freedom'(George Micheal melody) and privacy. You get it right, buddy?"
BWW eyes widen in shock and fear.
'Apartment? Brownstone? He's leaving me! Renovations? He must have been planning to leave for this whole year. Probably since…He was just waiting for his place to be ready. And this giant wannabe Leonard knew?'
Her anger begins to rise and everyone but the Green Lantern and Superman started to put distance between themselves and the Blonde short Nebraskan-Amazonian
Superman Zack: "Yeah dude. It always seemed like you were stuck in such a toxic situation. No offense but your friends suck. I mean Penny practically begged me to go out with her so that she wouldn't have to spend New Years alone or worse, with the three of them. Hey dudes if you don't want folks to hate spending time with you stop acting like a three pack of assholes"
"I got that vibe from the beginning dude. Reminds me of my sister Patty's former sitch. It was hell getting her to take the kids and leave her Ex. Glad you are finally stepping off man. You deserve better. Anyone does. I've been there too, man. My frat brothers… he trails off
We talked about that though. Right? Takes one to know one man.
I figured you needed a bud man. Penny and I are just friends, dude."
'Not for long, you dumbass. You knew that he was leaving. You knew that he would probably freak out tonight too. You forced this. I don't know whether to kick your ass or hug you. You are being the friend to him that I'm too busy having my pity party to be. That I stopped being. Fuck you Zack. Stealing my Leonard! He's mine. Not your Leonard. Mine!'
Unawares of the grateful yet murderous thoughts brewing next to him, SMZ flashes her a sincere yet sympathetic and guilty look.
"We were both lonely and New Year's Eve on your own sucks. There is no real chemistry here, not really. I don't really do it for her. It's…it's just fun hanging out with her. Like with you bro! Plus, she's still pretty hung up on you. And I ain't desperate or predatory enough to take advantage of a bud. No matter how hot and bodacious she is. Unlike Creepy Batman and Aquaman who have been hitting on her non-stop since you guys split up from what she tells me"
… … …
'...no, too messy and how would I get a cement mixer. Much less get him into it. Hmmm maybe Bernie can mix up something but then I'll have to get rid of her too. She's been eyeing up my Leonard lately. Yeah, like Howard Wolowitz knows what to do with a real woman, much less somebody experienced like Bernie. Probably a selfish micro party popper. A three pump chump if she's lucky. He is a creeper and Mama's boy who's main experience is with hookers, desperate strippers and the truly desperate and broken. That big tit cow is definitely looking to trade up. But not my Leonard, you bitch MINE!' Guess who?
Zackman, unaware of losing the most critical member of the group's attention, continues on.
"…What? It's not like everybody can't see the way you two are with each other...it's sad. Those three only make you both feel worse and ruin any chance you two have to fix whatever needs fixing. It's almost like they're doing it on purpose. But nobody is that big of an asshole. Plus …."
GL observes the group as Zach speaks. WW flinches and curls in on herself in guilt and something he can't place. SCB is growing indignant. PPA at least shows some shame and…of course LAF Is twitching and flinching with his mouth covered by PPA and SCB.
'Yeah…of course it's on purpose. That's the point of all of this. I'm so fucking Pathetic. These are the people that I thought were my friends, my family….'
SZ leans close to BWWand Whispers to her…
"...you made a drunken video about it. I'll show you later. On your laptop. Not that kind. You're not naked or nothin. Well you are kinda emotionally naked…later. Okay?"
'I'm not naked, that's good...what!? Video what? Emotionally naked? What the fuck are you talking about you fake look-a-like soon to be dead Leonard stealer!'
She looks at him puzzled and rejoins the conversation. She obviously missed something important. She can figure out how to get rid of all of the fake Leonards and Big Tit Leonard thieves later.
'...maybe that Dr. Stephanie, she's seems like she could be persuaded. She is back in town and working at UCLA Medical Center. She might be fun for us on his birthday. And it would solve the issue of having the whole bisexual conversation without him over thinking or feeling insecure. I know that he thought about it. We talked about our fantasies.'
Fortunately BWW thoughts are not apparent to anyone, especially the SCB. SZ continues turning back to GL
"Thanks for not treating me like a bozo man l. Unlike the rest of these guys, bro. Congrats! I know how much you've been sweating the closing."
'Closing? Real estate like the shows? That means that he bought a house right? That should be Our house. He should not be moving alone. I should be going with him.
Forcing herself out of her mental loop she remembers the reason that she broke up with him in the first place.
'Yeah, like I can handle living with a guy, especially the guy. Living with him? I'll be married and pregnant in less than a year. With the way we go at it. It's too easy to get lost in him. No US. Hell, I was ready to marry him and have his kids after our first week of having regular sex…
…But he should be telling me about it, not that fake boyfriend stealing…?'
GL flashes the new friend Superman Zack a genuine smile.
Noticing BWW's strange facial tics GL furrowed his eyebrows in confusion beneath his mask and spectacles.
'Is she jealous? Of what?'
Deciding that it's not his business he turns his attention back to the only person in the room that he isn't even a little angry at.
"Wow. Thanks man. When you suggested we get together and hang out…I was surprised how well we clicked. Thanks for being cool about this. And looking out for our friend there. I'm on the razor's edge right now. But you three? …"
He gestures to SCB, PPA and LAF.
"…You all knew that tonight would suck extra hard for me. As stated, I already had plans for tonight. Which is especially amusing to Dr. Dipshit! Just ask him. He'll gladly tell you. "
Tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He stops them by force of will alone…
He doesn't notice as Superman Zack steps forward and takes him into a heartfelt hug…
Flashback start
'The second those tears leave your eyes Deshi, they have you. They will continue to prey on you. Until you break completely!
'Never show weakness or pain to those that you don't completely trust…
'Do you understand Mr. Hofstadter?!'
'Yes Sensei!'
'I can't hear you little monkey!'
'Yes Sensei!'
'Are you weak?'
'No Sensei!'
'Are you a victim?:
'No Sensei!'
'Are you a Nerd?'
'Yes Sensei and damn proud of it!...Ossu!'
'Then get back to work!
'Ich!:
'Kiai!'
'Ni…'
'Kiai!'
'San..'
Flashback End
Finally gathering the courage to look at the person who still holds his heart unwanted though it may be…
'Maybe Superman isn't the second place supreme douchebag of the DCU afterall. Well this one isn't.'
"I-i don't want to be this bitter and angry person. Which is all the more reason to not go to this boring suck fest again this year. I need time and distance. I think…. I haven't been that big a Superman fan for over a decade. Until tonight…"
Giving SZ a watery smile.
"I mean the character, he's totally nerfed. And as big if not a bigger douchebag than Batman. Dr. Dumbass and his two flying butt monkeys know this. They know that I collect Superman comics because they gain value quickly. They become collectors items faster than most regular series. Especially with the storylines, guest artists and television and cinema verse influenced collectors.
By the way, Justice League Classic , you may thank Drs. Winkle, Kripke, Kessler and our boss Dr. Gablehauser for the nicknames. Nobody at work likes you. Well, except me. I did…So I guess nobody at CalTech likes you three except for yourselves which is very healthy. Liking yourselves I mean. Not the pissing off, disrespecting and harassment of pretty much everyone you work with.
BWW interjects
" …or any girl who in spite of her overtures of real friendship has to live across the hall and be forced to be around you three and be harassed, bullied and leered at in order to see her real friend. Not being able to escape. Work or home. Hell you two busted creepers follow me. You suck at hiding that you are following someone Batshitstain, Aqualoser and Lightning bolt annoying insect man? You're all lucky that I haven't decided whether or not to call the cops and report you in real time. Then jail and restraining orders all around."
She mumbles thinking that no one heard her. But LAF Vulcan hearing picks up her swipe at him.
LAF: "Mmmphd…m-m-mph …mphress"
GL ignores what is no doubt a verbal tirade held back only by PPA and SCB holding LAF back and covering his mouth.
' They must really want to win this contest. They actually think that…Wow. I see it. As a group. Our collective mentality can be very myopic, selfish and childish. Which is why I need to break free. No woman will ever want a childish, weak and timid people-pleaser like me. I have to go through this. Let it out. It's exhausting, no wonder I always hold it in. We can have the knock down drag out conversations and fights after the New Year. '
"Which is why they make me dress as the giant blue cardboard cutout every year. And make me wear those ridiculous elevated boots that they bought for me. Because Superman can't be short. But Batman and Aquaman are both over six feet tall and over 200 pounds. Yet, I need to wear those ridiculous elevated boots? Assholes!"
LAF " mmmprph…mmmph"
SCB/PPA: "Hey!"
PPA: "Well…he does kind of have a point dudes."
He immediately slams his hand over his mouth.
Short Creepier than normal Batman pins Pity Party Aquaman with a look that says really?
Looking over to a no longer teary eye Blonde Wonder Woman GL addreases her.
"Hey Penny, you want them. They are red and just like the ones Zach has on but with heels and platforms. They are also much better made. They look ridiculous on me. I'm not Prince. I can't pull off high heels and platforms. By the way, you aren't the Wonder Woman type. You are more like Kara Zor-el. Young, passionate and flawed yet strong, earnest and inspiring…."
'I know that. That's…uh Supergirl?' But didn't he say that he doesn't like... Superman. Right. She's his cousin. Is he saying that me and Zack are wrong together? Baby he told you. He wasn't lying. Wait I have that thing that I bought for his birthday before I fucked everything up.'
She looks at the emotionally raw Green Lantern then to her Friend/Date Superman. Her eyes wide at a soul wrenching realization.
'Oh shit I'm so sorry Zack. Shit. I'm doing the same thing to Zack that I did to Leonard. I'm using him as a stand in for the guy that I really actually want and can't have. He may be that fantasy guy that twelve year old Penny thinks that I should want. The one that I kept Leonard away while I waited for him. But…I'm not twelve any more. Besides, six year old me had it right. Wise beyond her years if too much of an attention grabber. Leonard is my Ernie. What the fuck is wrong with me? I went out and found a tall buff and rich Fake-Leonard/Fantasy Date Guy who doesn't challenge me or make me feel insecure.
…Who knows all of the stupid stuff that doesn't matter. But he doesn't know how to kiss me the right way like Leonard does. How to hold me like Leonard always does. Or how to make love right…Oh thank God. The second base stuff I let him do isn't that bad. At least I didn't have sex with him. He's not what I want or who. And I hurt my Real-Leonard/Ernie. Leonard classic. Except no substitutes. I'm not settling anymore. And it seems that Leonard isn't either. Please let me fix this…please…please.'
A quiet and fearfully desperate voice finds GL's ears
"...please…let him let me…please…I have to fix this…"
Green Lantern shakes his head in exasperation. He is obviously hearing things the stress is getting to him. He is hallucinating some sad pathetic fantasy. His mind is really gone. He strengthens attempts to clear his thoughts and end this gut wrenching confrontation. He never wanted any of this to leave the vault of his exhausted mind and battered soul. He is slipping. Cracking like an egg. He has to get it out. If he ends up hospitalized he has to do this bookkeeping while he can.
"…Hence the reason those three insist that I wear them. And they would probably look amazing on you. I'll get them for you after the New Year."
'...If I'm not hospitalized or ….' he continues mentally.
Blonde Wonder Woman raises an eyebrow..
'What's wrong baby? What are you so afraid of? That's it! Fuck this party. I didn't want to go until I saw it as my chance to be with you tonight. To kiss you at midnight. Kitty is getting her sugar at Midnight. Move over. Your plans just got expanded. I may be the worst girlfriend ever it seems, but I'll be damned if I fail you again as a friend. I won't let you be alone. Why do I get the feeling that I'll never see you again if I did?'
"…So…later DC Heroes. Zachary, my new hopefully friend? I'll shoot you my new details. I'm thinking of throwing a party around February. I am still furnishing the place. Enough of that. I'm flipping the script tonight and going with my own plans."
Zach: "Cool dude let me know what I can bring. Your first home. One that you own. Solid man! Awesome!"
PPA and SCB fall over as LAF breaks free from them.and charges towards GL.
Lanky Annoying Flash: "Unacceptable! What are you going as? Some underachiever from the Marvel Comic book Universe no doubt. The theme is Classic DC. Moving out?!
Snerk
I don't Grant You My Permission to do so, you insignificant little man! You will sign the new Roommate agree…violation…Wah…wah…wah…wah"
GL: "Aaannn-nyway…I wass gonna do my obligatory appearance, but Naaaah! You made this an easy out. I'm ending this soggy, maggot infested crap burger of 2011 the way that I want to start and later finish 2012 and every day after and between. On my own terms. Sorry about the major shit show Zach and Penny. I've been holding this crap in so long it just blasted its way out. I am truly sorry.
Everyone. I just gotta go. Ya know. Penny…You get it right? Like with Kurt? It's just over for me and them. I'm leaving my abusive exes behind me."
Pointing to The Flash, Batman and Aquaman.
"I held on to the delusional fantasy that this was actual friendship… a f-family…
His tears finally reach the floor
"…and stayed waaaay too long. I do love you guys all four of you but…Well…Fuck you! Happy New Year! Everybody!"
Shaking his head. Trying to get himself composed.
"See? This toxic stuff just…I just gotta go? I hate this. Feeling like this. Saying and thinking these things. I have to leave, Now! So…Dipshit…flying butt monkeys…we'll unpack All Our Shit at a later and appropriate time and place. But not in my brownstone. I am not bringing this negativity into my home. Warning to all of you, It will not be welcomed. Tonight is a catharsis and celebration of putting the past hurts behind us and embracing new beginnings. But we will settle accounts in the New Year. Boys. Trust me. I'm a Hofstadter. We don't let shit go. We. Don't Forget. Anything. Ever!"
'It's the Viking in us. Sons and daughters of Loki we be.'
The statement hangs in the air like A ranked killing intent…
In a bored monotone delivery eerily resembling his Mother.
"Zachary and Penelope enjoy your festivities and all the best you two. Really, truly. You look g-great together'. The g-group will definitely win top prize this year thanks to you guys….
After…seven…Sev-han lonnngah Yeaarzah and…Fine-ahlly! DoC-tor Hoffstadter is leeaving tahwenty thah-ree-eeelevin' Los Roww Blehz! (Dwayne Johnson impression)"
Tonight. I celebrate… My Independence Day!"
He walks right up to Sheldon almost nose to nose. The height difference seems to have vanished. He stares the Flash directly in the eye holes of his mask. Furious Whiskey brown meets frightened crystal blue. In a bored tone of dismissal,
"Bye Phylisha."
He turns crisply away and the Classic Hal Jordan Green Lantern walks casually towards his bedroom for the last time. Doing his best to hide his heartbreak. And to hold back any more traitorous tears until he is safely behind his magnetically locked door.
BWW: "Sorry Zack..." She bites her lip nervously and gives a significant look in the direction that Hal Jordan just left. Shifting from foot to foot, hoping that he…He gives her a reassuring nod.
Then she turns and rushes to her apartment and dives into her closet throwing clothes this way and that until,
"YES!"
Twenty minutes later GL leaves his room. Passing the four stunned party goers who somehow hadn't moved very far from where he left them. Dressed in dark green almost black tailored Armani style Tux with green silk shirt and matching tie and pockets square. Shiny black shoes complete his ensemble. His curly hair hanging having grown longer is styled in a slicked back ponytail. Lighter fashionable green tinted spectacles in spite of heavy prescription lenses complete the sleek and slightly menacing look of a successfully ruthless corporate officer. On his right ring finger is his steel plated titanium Green Lantern ring.
The center lantern is an emerald as it sits majestically recessed in the durable and Norse rune inscribed elliptical setting depicting the planet earth. In its very center the Norse rune of his family's patron from their days as pagans. The symbol of Loki. The Earthen setting is surrounded protectively by the raised depiction of Jurmandur, the Midgard Serpent, the World Snake, the Oroburos.
The remaining four members of the Justice League Classic look on as the improved and impeccably dressed Green Lantern moves towards the door of that place that should have been his home, for the last time.
He surveys the group, taking them in for that last time this year. But She isn't there. He must have badly hurt her with his emotional purging.
Facing FAL he calmly relays the information he feels necessary no more. He is too emotionally worn out to say much more.
"The movers will be here on the third. It's the earliest I could arrange with holidays and all. They have orders to only return the keys once all the items in my inventory of possessions are inventoried, packed, moved, unloaded and verified at the brownstone. Okay… you giant trophy pilfering magpie?"
He aims at his former broth…
The Flash rushes after him…
LAF: "Leonard, come back here. You have to convince Penny to wear the wig. She's taken off. Go fetch her. Have brief but loud obnoxious coitus that always puts her in maleable mood. And your disrespect will be dealt with after we win the competition. That's three strikes mister! Wah…wah…wah…Your mother…"
With a smirk and a mischievous glint in his eyes, he answers
"Has been neutralized and is no longer an issue for me and mine Dr. Cooper. And I'm out! Thank Science! By the way, the only things that I have to do are as follows:
Be five feet five inches tall,
pay taxes,
grow old
and die."
' And find a way to move on from her and you three. '
He ticks off the points on his fingers.
"Everything else is optional. And tonight I am 'ecksor-ciiizen', My options!"
'I'm breaking the pattern and shifting the paradigm. Real friends will make an effort to be a part of my life and not try to dictate, control or manipulate it for their own ends.
Time to grow up Leonard! Real friends and family don't root for you to fail. They especially don't manufacture or facilitate your failures in order to feel superior by default or as an experiment. They don't kick you when you're down just to further your humiliation for their own amusement. I may not be that socially adept but… who else puts up with nonsense like this. No more bathroom schedules. Or eating the same thing, the same day every week. I can celebrate holidays. My birthday. I can just relax. I can whistle. I can have my own hobbies. Oh man I get to cook my own meals again.
No whiny controlling man, children running and tattling to my mother every detail of my life. No more constantly eroding my confidence, self-esteem and isolating me. I have acted to save my dignity, my self respect and most importantly my sanity.
'If I stay here one more night I will attempt to pitch Dr. Dipshit out the window to determine definitively if Crazy Can Fly! And if Wolowitz or Koothrappali disrespect me or my guests in My home, they are gone. No spoiled giant toddler to override me for his own amusement at our expense.'
Sigh
'3259 Convention Center Road, Burbank, CA…here I come. Three floors, four bedrooms and three bathrooms…all mine. No roommates. No Penny across the hall torturing me. Using me like a human yo-yo. Magnetic locks on the doors and windows. Great security in the complex. Family friendly neighborhood. Nice neighbors. No one to override me. And Privacy! A legal home address. A legal lease and tenant's rno homeowner's rights and responsibilities. Time to see what I can do with my own space. I'm 32 years old. Time to truly test myself and evolve.
Just my luck I'll meet some hot statuesque shapely brunette neurosurgeon, I bet mother just would love that. Or another athletic blonde or some supermodel blond, redhead, it always ends the same. I'll end up being the yo-yo…
But, tonight I have an appointment with a jacuzzi bathtub and a bottle of Viv Cucour. A large screen video watch party of This Christmas staring Idris Elba with Katherine, Elizabeth and the girls. Then my traditional viewing of Duel 2000 starring Ekin Chang and Andy Lau, the movie time to end at the entrance of the New Year. Small intimate cyber party with my real family, the Plimpton-Hofstadtrs. Thank Science for the big thaw and coming out of 2001. If it wasn't for Katherine, I would not have made it this far. She could always cut through the b.s. for me and help me see the way to move forward. Even back when she was the slightly less evil Bitch Monster Clone of Dr. Beverly ( registered trademark and intellectual property of Dr. L. Hofstadter a limited liability corporation).
Wow I am really cracked. So close to the edge. Thank you Beth, my beautiful and brilliant sister for caring enough to take the time to check on me. No agendas or malicious self interest.. Penny will have to take my word at face value. If she and they can't or won't believe me. I won't leverage my familial bonds to salvage seemingly doomed friendships. Real family. It's too precious. I have looked for it my whole life. I am blessed. I am finally loved and appreciated. Just for me. No other agendas or basis in my usefulness. I could get used to this feeling. Please who or whatever is out there. Please don't let it not be another gas lighting by Dr. Beverly and her two sociopathic cyborg offspring. If it is, I probably will pull the trigger this time! Please! '
A comforting lightness removes the crisis tension and anxiety from him as if to answer his 'prayer'. A genuine smile involuntary splits his face. His mental burden was gone for now. The first time since that dark and humiliating April evening over one year ago he feels peace. One word, the illusive feeling, the cure for his emotional and mental ills.
'Family!'
"2012 may just be a good year for Leonard Leaky Hofstadter!"
He speaks to no one as he steps into the luxury Town Car that was waiting for him.
"Wait!"
Penny comes running out of the building. In a blue corset top with black lace with the House of El coat of arms stitched into the lace. A short red leather jacket and black sexy skinny jeans complete the outfit. The jeans hug her curves and the outfit itself almost looks painted underneath the red jacket. A pair of red stiletto heels click the ground then scrap the concrete as she comes to an abrupt halt.
Mouth open she finally sees Her Green Lantern's attire. A dark green almost black tailored
'…Armani knock-off but looks yummy.'
His arms and chest filled out that fabric of the still obviously expensive suit. Tight pants showing off his great ass and strong legs. Crisp green shirt and matching tie with pocket square.
"Damn! …uhm I had this made for your birthday before we… Before I spazzed out and was forever cemented as the Blonde Midget Asshole. It's on video forever." She states as she looks over the group.
Howard and Raj mouths open and Sheldon is building up a head of steam. Zack is sad but smiling at them.
It took so long because I had to memorize this.
"In Brightest Day, and darkest night. No evil has ever escaped his sight. Let all who worship evil's might. Beware my lover. My Green Lantern's Light!"
Looking at him. Open and vulnerable.
"Please. I wanted to be with you on New Year's. But that wasn't possible. Until…Zack did this. He really is a great guy. I was mad until I figured out his game."
She walks over and reaches up and kisses the man in the Superman costume on both cheeks.
"Thank you sweetie. For being both of our friends. For being there when we couldn't be there for each other. For forcing me to face him. I know that you didn't expect him to…"
Sheldon: Enough of this! You go back and change right now. How dare you! You finally have some use. Your secondary sex characteristics are finally useful to ME. And not interfering in my life. Now go get changed and put on that wig. We will discuss your foolish rebellion later. We are going and leaving this week pathetic and whiny little man to his plans. I'll deal with him after we return. Plans. Please. You can have no plans without notifying me as per the roommate agreement. Hrmph Chop chop Penny.
The street goes silent. It is as if the ever present background noise of the world just halted.
Raj: "But he told us he was going to spend New Year's reflecting alone to get his head straight. Last month."
Howard: "Yeah but Sheldon's Vulcan hearing only hears what it wants to. And his eidetic memory has convenient blank spots. But wow Penny you look tasty. How about…"
Leonard: 'Finish that sentence and 'll shove your overbite down your fucking throat! You were saying Penny."
Penny: "...well..
Sheldon: It doesn't matter what she was saying. He dull mind obviously is trapped in some sex crazed hippy emotions…
Leonard darts forward and delivers a punch to Sheldon's gut. Dropping him like a stone and halting his build up into an insulting and disrespectful tirade
"Manners Sheldon. I know for a fact that your family tried to teach them to you. Perhaps if you weren't such a disrespectful, selfish, arrogant amoral bully…I wouldn't be leaving. Penny would have put on the wig and tonight would be great for everyone but me. Just as you prefer. But you are…so…well…Fuck you!"
"Sheldon Cooper maybe in the New Year You should set your resolve to be less of an irredeemable selfish asshole. Like I resolved to stop being a doormat and punching bag. Goodnight everyone."
He looks over at her. The tears flowing ruining her makeup. He steps forward and takes her hands. He kisses the her fingers and releases her hands.
She is sad at the loss of warmth and the hope his actions brought up in her. Penny is about to start a depression spiral of thoughts until he steps even closer. Gently wiping her smudged makeup from her cheeks. Careful not to get it in her eyes.
Dr Hofstadtr steps back and holds out his hand.
"If I understand your attire and request…Does the lady wish to join me for a private New Year celebration? Luxury suite, champagne, good food. Unfortunately the entertainment has already been chosen. It's a tradition for me. It was. Until Cooper annoyed me into giving it up to go to a party that I really don't like. It's depressing how lonely everyone is there. You would brighten the room and breathe life into that pit of sadness, but at the expense of your enjoyment and comfort. Which no one seems to care about. So let's save each other from a bad night. I have a surprise. Well not a surprise, just my plans are…you'll see. But the movies that we are going to watch are unanimously decided, however one is absolutely mandatory. I always time it to end at exactly the New Year. Up to and After that we freestyle. Whatever you want to do. "
He looks over and sees an encouraging smile from Zack. Jealous and angry looks directed at him from Howard. A fearful shock still plastered on Sheldon. Raj knows well enough to censor himself while failing to discreetly leer at Penny's costume.
Howard: "So his whining ass throws a tantrum and you run and change into that tasty outfit and are gonna leave with him. Him? You dumped his ass. He's a wimp. Zack I get. He's an idiot but a gorgeous one….What?"
Everyone moves away from him. Zack has started walking towards his car. He'll go to his sister's place. Her kids should get a kick out of his costume. He has time to get the Wonder Woman costume cleaned and Max's. His sister should be able to fit it. Then if they want he'll take them all to the comic book store. He did promise after all.
Ignoring the creepy guy, the tall athletic man asks the group.
Zack: "This party. Is it kid friendly? It's at a comic book shop right?"
Raj: "Well everyone there is an adult but. This crowd doesn't exactly reach a PG rating."
Howard: Speak for yourself wallflower.
Rolling his eyes, Raj reassures Zack. Then faces his best friend.
Raj: "We are going to a New Year's party thrown by a wallflower for wallflowers. What were you expecting? A drunken orgy? At the comic book shop. With the regular customers that always attend these things?"
He raises a challenging eyebrow.
Howard digs his boot into the ground unable to come up with anything to refute.
Raj: "Seriously man, it's okay if you bring kids. There is very little alcohol around. Most prefer soft drinks and appetizers. And some candy and sweets. It's Halloween. No trick or treating though. This crowd will expect Trick or Treaters to pull tricks. If the kids are nerd friendly then they should be fine." He states matter of factly.
Looking down he considers something, then after his resolve is set he speaks his mind.
"Sorry about earlier and before. You're kind of intimidating in spite of not being a violent pig or arrogant bully like the rest of Penny's non Leonard dates. The lashing out is a kind of preemptive defense. None of us have had many good experiences with…well people like you and Penny. Especially her non Leonard dates."
With genuine gratitude Zack shakes his hand in thanks with a broad smile.
Zack: "I'm gonna get this cleaned" He shows them the Costume that he has had in his hands since they came downstairs.
Then me and my sister will bring the kids. My youngest nephew has downs. Any shit from you Cooper and you'll be wearing your face on your ass. Dr. Dumbass! Doesn't feel so great being put down does it?"
Raj seems to have forgotten Penny's presence and steps forward.
"Dude. Do you know how to get there?
Zack runs the back of his head, strikes a classic tv Superman pose and responds
"No. No I don't."
Raj hands him his phone and tells him to put his number in. After Zack does so. Raj calls Zack's phone. He fumbles the ringing cell out of his costume top.
"That's my number…you know Raj. R.A.J. Call me when you are ready and I will give you directions from wherever. Okay? I'll stop at the store and pick up some more kid friendly snacks. I'll also call and let Stuart know that we have some kids coming in. Okay?"
"Thanks Raj. You're not such a bad guy. We appreciate it." The restaurateur responds gratefully.
Howard resigned that he won't get to kiss Penny on New Year's. And will probably have Raj looking for…ugh!
He finally notices Leonard holding Penny's hand as he helps her into the car. And closing the door. As he watches the short wimp go around the other side to get in he…
The Costumed group looks on in various states of bewilderment. They ride away, leaving them standing outside of the place one of their number once desperately wanted to call home, but was never allowed that sense of safety and comfort.
Howard:" What a pussy." He mumbles to himself.
'He'll probably get laid. Just give her a few drinks like that Mike guy wrote. She's easier to get into than community college. Damn. It should be me. I'm an engineer. My work is actually useful. He's a shy little people-pleasing doormat. It figures. Expensive suit. Luxury car, probably a swanky hotel. Of course she ran right back to him. He did go all alpha dominant on us. So probably got her motor running. He'll screw it up. And then hello nurse Penny, I'm ready for my sponge bath and happy ending.'
So trapped in his creeper spiral he didn't notice everyone leaving him in the street with a deranged and disturbed look on his face. Sheldon had already gone back upstairs to clean himself then call an Uber.
As Pasadena police pull up and flash their lights on the crazy guy with the deranged look on his face wearing a child's Batman costume with padded muscles. It's Halloween, they can't be too careful.
'Happy New Year indeed.'
'Good luck mini me. You too love. Make the most of it. Don't mess this up. For all of us…Now onto the next idiot of a broken toy. He pulls a small tablet from inside of his ankle length trench coat. Whoa. What The Unholy Fuck is a Shenny? Oh hell no! That evil little psychotic freak! Smite?...Smite?...Smite?...Smite?...Smite…Smite?...Smite…Smite? So why many? Oh…
REAP.
'Oh well. Black armor and flaming sword it is. Damn, I hate reaping. Hold on, Yes! At least I get to smite this one. Straight to oblivion Cooper: no Heaven, no Hell , no Purgatory, no Reincarnation. This one is a fucking monster just like the one from my human life…
I hate this. Immortal or not. Being an Archangel sucks. I'll be so glad when my commission is over and I get my junk back. I'm getting too old for this bullshit… But the perks. Wings, flaming swords, ethereal spears, traveling the multiverse, infinite knowledge at my disposal and the Smiting can be very therapeutic. But…'
"Reaping…" He hangs his head. Resigned to his next assignment. He won't be able to save anything or anyone. He is to become Death itself. Destroyer of that world and Reap all souls. Save the few that he must Smite. He is glad that this easy assignment looks to be a success. He rarely gets to play guardian. Simply pluck then place a feather or two.
'I'm glad that The Boss sent me to answer the little one's prayer...I'd still prefer to be back in our home making love and just sitting with My wife. And being with our family, but the job is what it is. My duty. Soon Love, I'll be joining you and the kids. Just eight more decades of this… Like was agreed. Then I can finally join you guys and rest…
"Fuck you…Alan Rickman looking, gas lighting, arrogant, condescending, grifter of a winged asshole… I am the Metatru- ahhhrgh ... okay. No mocking. Sorry, not sorry you low flying conniving douchebag!"
—--
Flashback
You have been chosen. The first human to be allowed to transubstantiate in order to be in her presence. To take up the sword and wings. You will stand at the gates of Heaven to protect all within and below. Be happy little monkey you are now one of us. Your human existence will prove invaluable to your execution of your duties.
Flashback End
—--
'I should have asked for the catch or at least more questions, besides how the broken ass physics of Heaven works. Penny was pissed. Glad she decided that it's Heaven, so she can wait the 5,000 human years to kick my ass. My contract is almost up. 80 years to go. I am not reenlisting for the Next War/Apocalypse. I barely survived the last three. I haven't been with my family since before the last war. Well at least The Boss is cool even if her voice is a total dick!'
A familiar looking octogenarian with long thick gray curly hair flowing down his back steps back into the shadows and disappears back into the shadows of The Ether unnoticed and never detected as has become his way for millenia. Only the flapping of wings and a single large black feather are evidence that he was ever there.
Not very strong evidence at that.
—--—
As the luxury sedan carries them to their destination Dr. Leonard Hofstadtr ponders the large black feather in Penny's hand as she snuggles into him with an unmovable smile. A feather that she found innocently resting against the back of Leonard's head sticking out of his hair. The origins of which will be debated for decades. But that is for years down the road. Tonight is about amends, healing and evolution.
That large black feather to Penny will always be special. It doesn't match any bird she has been able to research. It has to be. A sign that Someone was listening when she prayed for another chance to make things right. This is something that she will keep to herself until a year later when her friends find it encased in plexiglass. alongside her snowflake while unpacking her belongings. The day that she moves into the house that she has practically been living in with her man. Her Leonard.
A Happy New Year Indeed!