"Hi, I'm Dr. Johnson. I'm a Psychiatrist, I've been brought in to assess Dr. Reid's condition." A solemn looking black man held his hand out to greet Rossi. He shook his hand.
"David Rossi, I'm one of his colleagues." He hid it well but there was a slight tremor in his voice as he spoke. "How is he doing?"
"He still isn't communicating. He appears to have dissociated, likely due to the trauma. It's not uncommon for someone to 'disconnect' their mind from their body when something like this happens."
"So you don't think he is catatonic?" Rossi asked hopefully.
"No, his body is responding to physical stimuli such as tickling or pinching, which we wouldn't expect if he was catatonic. He also responded to the forensic exam quite fiercely, which I think has unfortunately driven him further into himself as they did have to restrain him somewhat." Rossi closed his eyes and sighed. "All the signs point to dissociation and if he's not coming out of it, it likely means he feels safe where his mind is right now. That's why I feel that it will be helpful to have someone he knows here to help reassure him that it's safe to come back." The doctor looked at the nervous expression on Rossi's face. "Are you close with Dr. Reid?"
"I am. We all are. But his best friend is Derek, another colleague."
"Would he be available to come in? It might help to have him here as well."
"He's not in a position to do it at the moment. He was there when this happened. He was uh... made to watch some of it."
The doctor's face paled somewhat and he paused in thought, his face set in a grimace.
"Just when you think you've heard it all." He said, breathing out in shock, shaking his head. "So you have two very traumatised colleagues at the moment... What about his family?"
Rossi gave a tight lipped smile.
"No one that can come."
"He has called out for his 'Mom' a couple of times, that's why I ask."
Rossi's face dropped into a frown.
"His Mom is not a mentally well woman, so that's not an option... he's asked for his Mom?"
"Either asked for her or perhaps that's where his mind is at the moment. It's difficult to know.."
Rossi's gaze dropped down thoughtfully, a sympathetic look crossing his features. Morgan had told him about what happened in Vegas when they went to see Diana Reid. It was sad that despite everything he still saw his Mom as a safe place. If that was the safest place he could go then it didn't say much for his life.
"So what happens if Reid doesn't want to come out of it?" He looked concerned.
"Well, we'll deal with that if it occurs. I'm hopeful that once he hears a familiar voice he will start to reconnect. For now, the best thing you can do is speak to him, tell him he's safe and that it's okay to come back. Talk to him about his surroundings, people he cares about, things he loves. That's the best way of getting his mind to let go of whatever is keeping him there. Just give him a reason to come back to reality."
Rossi breathed out a deep breath. He could think of many reasons why Reid wouldn't want to come back to reality right now.
"I can't say I blame him for not wanting to come back." Rossi said depressively.
The psychiatrist looked at him sympathetically.
"That may be so, but he has to. He cannot remain in that state. The longer he stays dissociated the more chance there is of long-term complications."
Rossi nodded. He understood that, but he couldn't help but feel cruel. If Reid was somewhere he felt safe and secure, it seemed so unfair to pull him back to the cold reality.
"I understand. I will do what I can." Rossi gave a tight-lipped smile.
They entered the room and Rossi's breath caught upon seeing Reid. He was lay on his back on a partial incline. Time had allowed the bruising to set in. His face was once again black and blue. He had two black eyes, one of his eyes was swollen. There were, once again, gruesome stitches pulling at a cut in his eyebrow. His cheekbones looked swollen and tender, his lip was split in two places and his chin was badly bruised. He also had shallow cuts all across his neck. The attack had obviously been incredibly violent.
He was wearing a short sleeved hospital gown. Rossi could see hand shaped bruises marring his forearms and severe bruising and cuts to his wrists where he presumed the zip ties had restrained him. Just as an extra kick in the teeth, his scars on his arm were on full display labelling him "MINE" for anyone who entered the room to see.
Rossi grimaced. He hadn't seen the wounds since Reid had been at Morgan's the day they made pancakes and Reid cuddled up to him. He had hoped they would have faded somewhat but they still looked so red and angry.
Shaking away the invasive thoughts he pulled up a chair next to the bed. He realised Reid's eyes were still open, staring at the ceiling. It was an eerie feeling looking at him like that. He was so used to looking at Reid and seeing the cogs whirring in his mind, a blank expression on that same face didn't seem right.
He sat down next to him. He cautiously reached out his hand to Reid's and grabbed it gently.
"Hey kiddo." He said softly. His other hand reached out to stroke his head and move his hair out of his face. "I'm here to let you know that it's safe to come back here, whenever you're ready." The words felt hollow. He kept gently stroking his head and squeezing his hand. "You're in the hospital, you are safe here." Every time he used the word 'safe' he felt like he was lying. "The team are all outside." He took a shaky breath. "We all miss you."
Reid's lips started twitching as if he was trying to talk to someone but no sound came out.
Rossi looked to the doctor.
"His lips are moving." He said quickly, hoping that it meant something positive.
"Yes, he keeps doing that." Dr. Johnson replied moving to the side of the bed to take a look at his patient.
"Dr. Reid?" He shone a light in his eyes. There was no response. Rossi looked disappointed.
A knock came at the door and they both turned.
"Excuse me." Dr. Johnson left the room to speak to the person outside.
Rossi turned his attention back to Reid. He was still stroking his head but really didn't know what to say.
How could he tell him he was safe to come back to the hospital when the last time he was in there he was taken again? When someone he thought was his friend had brutally abused him? When the agent he had given his statement to was the very person who used his trust to have him brutalised again? When the sanctuary of his home had been so irreversibly tainted that he would likely never feel safe there again? When the men who did this were still alive? When he himself had been the one who had encouraged Hotch to send him home with Field? How could he possibly believe that this was a safe place to return to?
He stopped stroking Reid's hair and dropped his head into his hand and rubbed his eyes. He was sincerely regretting his decision to do this. He should have let JJ come in and talk to him.
A knock came from the door again and Dr. Johnson re-entered the room with another person in tow.
Rossi looked up to see Morgan stood by the door staring at Reid.
"Derek." Rossi sighed in relief, a small smile gracing his lips. He let go of Reid's hand and approached his other colleague putting his hands to his shoulders. "Are you okay?" Morgan just shook his head not taking his eyes off Reid. He was clearly still in a state of shock. "Are you sure you want to be in here?" Rossi asked gently.
"I can't leave him." Morgan said, his voice cracking.
"Okay." Rossi replied in understanding. "Come on." He led him over to the chair he had been using.
Morgan couldn't stop looking at Reid's face. His eyes flooded with tears as he looked upon his injuries. Now the bruising had set in and his face wasn't marred with blood, he could see exactly how much they had beaten him. He suspected they had probably beaten him some more in the bedroom.
As if he really needed to be subdued any more. As if three men on him wasn't enough.
He closed his eyes for a few moments to compose himself.
Reid's lips were still twitching and his eyes just stared at the ceiling.
Morgan grabbed his hand, not opting to sit down yet. He looked to Rossi and the doctor.
"Could you leave us alone for a few minutes, please?"
"Of course." The doctor nodded and moved to leave the room. "If anything changes at all, please just press the call buzzer and I'll be right back in."
"You be okay?" Rossi asked, his voice showing his concern. Morgan nodded. "Okay, I'll be just outside if you need me." He patted him on the shoulder.
Morgan's eyes were back on Reid again. When he heard the door close he sat down. He took a deep, shuddering inhale trying to steady his voice before speaking. It didn't work.
"Reid... kid... it's me. You are in the hospital and you're safe. They are gone now, it's just you and me and it's time to come back to me."
He put a gentle hand to his cheek.
"Can you feel my hand?" He stroked his cheek a couple of times. "That's me, Reid. I need you to focus on that feeling and come back to me, kid."
His mind was going through much the same turmoil as Rossi's had. Why would he want to come back to this? Suddenly Morgan let out a hitching sob.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He dropped his head onto Reid's shoulder as he wept. "I should have protected you. I shouldn't have let you out of my sights, even for a second. I'm so, so sorry I didn't help you." The tears wouldn't stop now. "I swear, I will spend the rest of my life making this up to if you just come back to me. I need to see you, kid. I need my little brother." His hand moved to stroke his head now. As he did he moved the hair back and saw his ear was also badly bruised. He winced remembering the brutal kick that created it. Soon all he could see was Reid hopelessly shielding himself on the floor as the men kicked him in the body and head. He closed his eyes getting lost in the memory. He felt a squeeze on his hand and his eyes shot open. The memories instantly wiped away.
"Reid?" He squeezed back but no response. He wondered if he had imagined it. He sighed. "Reid, I need you to know that none of this is your fault. We all love you so much. We need you to come back to us, kid... Please. Just squeeze my hand, let me know you're here." He held Reid's hand up and kissed it then he felt it squeeze again. His heart leapt. He squeezed back. "I felt that, kid. Are you talking to me?"
Two more squeezes, his usual sign that he was entering awareness.
"That's it, Reid." Morgan stood now. Reid's eyes finally closed.
"Spencer? Are you listening?" His Mom's voice asked firmly.
Reid shook his head, feeling himself being tugged in another direction
"Mom?" He spoke in a daze.
"Spencer, you are safe here with me. Don't go back there. I will keep you safe."
A deep, distant voice echoed. It was familiar, comforting. He felt a warmth run through his veins and a pressure on his hand. He looked down but there was nothing there. The voice was telling him to squeeze his hand. He squeezed it into a fist. The voice seemed pleased. So he did it two more times.
"Spencer, don't go. Stay here!" His Mom's voice was becoming worried now. "Spencer, it's not safe."
The weight in his hand seemed to be growing stronger. He felt a warmth emanating from it. He groped around, rubbing his thumb over the warmth and soon recognised the feeling of fingers. He grasped them one by one .
"Yes, Reid. That's it, that's my hand." Derek watched hopefully as Reid's delicate fingers fumbled their way around his hand trying to identify exactly what they were holding on to.
All the while the world around Reid started falling away.
The deep voice was lulling him away from his reverie. He felt safe here, but the voice drew him in. It was Derek. His best friend. He sounded upset. He had to see that he was okay.
"Spencer. There is nothing for you there. Only hurt." His mother willed him to stay in his mental cocoon.
"I can't stay, Mom. I'm sorry."
"Only I can protect you, Spencer."
"No, Mom."
The edges of his world had turned black and all that was left was his mother reaching out to him. It was so tempting to reach back, to grab her hand and remain with her. To keep her arm around him, reading his favourite books from childhood. He felt safe. Loved. But the voice cutting through stirred up a fight in him that he couldn't resist. It sounded pained, desperate That was his friend. And he needed him.
"Spencer."
The image of his mother slowly dissolved away and faded into blackness. He groped his fingers further down the hand to feel a wrist. His fingers found a fabric there. He felt around, rubbing the fabric between his thumb and fore finger. That didn't seem right.
His body suddenly felt incredibly heavy and he could feel his back resting against something firm. As awareness began to creep back in, a dull ache thrummed in his midsection.
A hand suddenly cupped his and moved it away from the fabric he was pulling at.
"Reid, kid. Are you there?"
He felt like his head had been pulled from underwater, it was almost painful how the sound came in so clearly. The voice was right next to him now and made him jump slightly.
"Don't be scared, Reid. I'm right here."
Why would I be scared? He thought to himself. His face was now throbbing and the pain in his midsection was nauseating. The memory of a foot meeting his stomach suddenly hit him and a wave of memories came crashing into his present.
The beatings, the weapon in his mouth, the punishing hands, the feeling of the carpet under his knees, being unable to breathe as his face was pushing into the pillow.
He gasped. He could feel them everywhere.
Reid suddenly wrenched his hand away from Morgan's and started hitting out. He automatically let go of him and took a step back.
"Reid, you're okay! It's over. You're safe, you're not there."
He panted as his body moaned at him to stop the movements, but he couldn't. If he didn't keep fighting the merciless hands were going to return.
"Kid, open your eyes."
He stilled. Eyes? My eyes are open. He thought to himself. Then his awareness brought him back to his face and he felt the sensation of eyelids. They felt heavy all of a sudden. He tried to lift them but he couldn't.
Morgan saw his eyelids flutter for a few seconds. Reid's body seemed to calm as he tried to focus on the new task.
"Come on. That's it. One more try." He moved closer again, wanting to be in his line of sight when he did finally open them.
His eyelids cracked open incredibly slowly. It was like lead weights were holding them down. Reid's eyes danced around under the lids as they did, seemingly trying to figure out his surroundings.
"That's it, Reid. You're doing amazing." Morgan said enthusiastically.
As Reid's eyes opened fully, everything was blurred for a few moments. The light above him was a bright smudge, the colours of the room all melted into each other like some abstract painting. There was also a looming dark shadow to his right. He shied away from it.
"It's just me, kid. Just Derek." He said in a gentle voice.
Morgan watched as his friend clearly tried to focus his vision. He almost went cross eyed trying to get the world to realign. The next moment large brown eyes were resting on his face. Morgan smiled, a tear tracing down his cheek.
"Hey." Morgan said gently. "Welcome back."
Reid just stared at him as if he wasn't real. His hand came up to touch Morgan's face. He patted his cheek then rubbed the saltwater from his tears between his fingers. He then stroked his fingers down the tear tracks. He frowned.
"Don't cry." He said gently, his voice soft.
This only made Morgan cry more with a hitching laugh.
"Don't you worry about me, kid." He smiled.
Reid's hand then dropped to Morgan's hand feeling the bandages around his wrist. His gaze followed it, then came back up to the stitches at his temple. He looked concerned.
"Are you okay?" His eyes were worried. "They didn't... do anything to you, did they?"
The question took Morgan aback.
"Oh no, no! I'm perfectly fine." Reid gave a sigh of relief. Morgan was deeply touched by the genuine worry Reid was displaying. "I'm more concerned about you right now."
Reid sat himself up a little, wincing as his did. His midsection felt like it was on fire. Reid waved off his concern with his hand.
"I'm fine, Morgan." He said seriously. He numbed his feelings. Morgan shook his head in response, looking him up and down. "It's not as bad as it looks." Reid said, noticing the way Morgan was looking at him. He was fully aware now of why he was in hospital and what had happened. He couldn't feel anything about it.
Morgan eyed him guiltily.
"I am so sorry, kid. I failed you. I promised you would be safe then I let this happen."
Reid dropped his gaze to the bed and took a breath. He didn't want Morgan to feel this way.
"You didn't let anything happen. You tried to protect me. It's not your fault that he set it up so there was no way of actually doing that." He sighed.
Morgan reached out and squeezed his hand. He had to admit, those words helped. Reid was right. He was set up to lose the moment the door to the apartment was opened. It didn't make it any easier to come to terms with though.
"God, Reid, I'm so, so sorry." His eyes watered up.
"It could have been a lot worse." Reid said, shaking his head.
"It looked bad enough to me." Morgan put his head in his hand. The image of Reid with the gun in his mouth flashed through his mind.
"It's okay." Reid answered reassuringly.
Morgan's eyebrow twitched.
"Nothing about this is 'okay'." Morgan's voice was shaky and upset. A complete juxtaposition to Reid's impassive tone.
"It's not like it hasn't happened before."
"That's not the point-"
"Morgan, seriously, I'm fine." He said squeezing his hand.
Morgan sat in silence for a few moments examining his friend's face, looking for any signs of distress. He didn't see any. He almost felt bad for wanting to see some.
He had seen some of what had been done. He had heard other things. He wouldn't be okay. No normal person would be.
"I don't see how you can be." He said pointedly.
Reid's eyebrows furrowed.
"What do you want from me?" He wasn't aggressive, just direct.
Morgan blinked a couple of times.
"I don't want you to be in denial."
At this Reid smiled.
"I'm not in denial. They made me give them fellatio. They performed fellatio and digital penetration on me. They sodomised me over and over." Morgan grimaced. Reid's voice was disturbingly calm. "But what can I do about it, Morgan?"
Morgan stared at his friend hard for a few moments, hugely concerned and slightly sickened. Reid met his gaze unflinchingly.
"Like they said, it's not like I haven't done it before."
Morgan looked angry.
"You sound like they want you to sound, Reid. Like that's all you're good for."
Reid shrugged casually. He didn't answer. Morgan leaned forward.
"Reid, you are worth so much more than that." Morgan's eyes teared up.
Again Reid shrugged, like he really didn't have the energy to care any more. Did it really matter what he was good for? What he was 'worth'? His body had been used beyond repair regardless. What good would it do to not just accept that?
"Okay." Reid said coolly.
Morgan examined his expression for a few moments. He wouldn't look at him at all.
"You know this wasn't your fault, don't you?"
He received no answer.
"Reid?" He pressed.
A knock came on the door and the doctor peered his head round.
"Oh!" He exclaimed in surprise. "I asked you to press the call bell if anything changed... Good to see you back, Dr. Reid."
"Sorry." Morgan said looking to the doctor.
"It's okay." He said with a smile, turning back to Reid. "Dr. Reid, I'm Dr. Johnson. You have been stuck in a dissociative state for some time and we have been unable to communicate with you." Reid furrowed his brows at this. "I just need to do some cognitive checks with you, if that's okay?"
Reid looked at the man and nodded.
"Look at my forehead." He said, shining a light in Reid's eyes again. "Good. Can you tell me your name?"
"Spencer Reid."
"And can you tell me what date it is today?"
Reid looked unsure.
"Erm, last I knew it was July 20th."
"That's right." Reid looked expectantly at the Doctor.
"It's still July 20th, kid." Morgan confirmed. Reid looked at him and nodded. He could tell what he was thinking. 'How the hell can it still be the same day?'
"What time is it?" Reid asked.
"10.10pm." Morgan said simply. It had been a long, distressing day. They had been in the apartment for nearly three hours. Then Reid had been mentally lost to them for almost four.
Reid furrowed his brows but didn't say anything. Morgan could tell he was trying to calculate times in his head.
"Who is the current President, Dr. Reid?" Dr. Johnson interrupted.
"Barack Obama." Reid answered quickly.
"Can you count backwards from 10 for me please?"
Reid looked a little exasperated but started counting. Morgan's mouth quirked up a little. Asking someone like Reid questions like this amused him.
Reid rolled his eyes at Morgan as he finished counting. Morgan mouthed a mocking 'good job' earning him a sly smile from his friend.
"And do you know where you are, Dr. Reid?"
"I'm in hospital."
"Do you know why?"
His gaze dropped away.
"Because I was attacked." He said with no emotion.
"Yes, that's right." The doctor confirmed. "This may be a difficult question, but I have to ask, do you know that you were sexually assaulted?"
Reid still didn't make eye contact.
"Yes, I am aware."
"I need to inform you that you had a forensic exam done when you were dissociated."
Reid looked at him, his eyes flashed angrily.
"I didn't consent to that." He wrapped his arms around himself.
Dr. Johnson softened his voice.
"As it was a time sensitive matter and you were in a position where you were unable to provide consent your medical proxy gave consent on your behalf."
"Great. So there's more records of me out there for the world to see." Reid's eyes were fixed on his bed sheet.
"Dr. Reid, I can assure you that we treat such records with the highest confidentiality."
Morgan just shook his head at the Doctor. Essentially telling him not to waste his breath.
"Reid. We need those records for evidence against them. You know that. They are confidential and they will not be seen by anyone who doesn't need to see them."
"Yeah, I've heard this before... its fine. What does it matter anyway." Reid just shrugged.
Morgan frowned a little.
"I'm going to leave you two to it for a while." Dr. Johnson interrupted. "Dr. Marston will be round in a short while to see you and give you a medical check up. She will be glad to know you are back with us."
"Dr. Marston?" Reid raised his eyebrows at Morgan. He nodded. "Deja vu." Reid muttered.
"Do you want me to send your other colleague in? He's waiting outside."
"Not right now. Tell him he can go back to the waiting room for now." Morgan said quickly.
"Who is it?" Reid asked as the doctor left the room.
"Rossi." Morgan replied. "You can see him shortly, I just want to talk to you first." Reid met his gaze unflinchingly. "You didn't answer me before. You know none of this is your fault, don't you?"
"Does it matter?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Yes it matters, Reid. I don't want you blaming yourself for this."
"Okay. I won't." He smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "So, is everyone here?" He asked, seemingly changing the subject.
Morgan looked at him curiously for a few moments. He didn't know what to do with this.
"Erm, yeah. They are in the waiting room. Do you want me to bring them in?"
Reid nodded and smiled.
"Yeah, I know they will be worried."
"Okay, I'll go and get them." Morgan stood unsteadily from his chair and left the room. This was most out of character.
He approached the team with a baffled expression on his face.
They all stood upon seeing him enter the waiting room.
"How is he?" JJ asked quickly, the concern lacing her voice. "The doctor told us he's talking now."
Morgan stood there dumbfounded shaking his head.
"Derek, what is it?" Rossi asked, grabbing his arm to draw his attention.
"He's... strange." He said, almost as a question. "He's smiling?"
Garcia's face crinkled in confusion.
"What?"
"Yeah, he's not distressed, he's calm. It's not at all like last time. It's like he almost doesn't care." He shook his head as if the concept was lost upon him.
"Is it denial?" Hotch asked seriously.
"He's not denying anything. He told me what happened... in no uncertain terms... and it's just like he accepts it and that's it."
The team all exchanged curious glances.
"I don't know what to do with it if I'm honest." Morgan continued, the guilt was clear in his voice. "I don't want him to be distressed but this... it's just off."
"Maybe he's still in shock." Prentiss suggested.
Morgan just hummed in response.
"Can we see him?" Garcia asked in a small, quiet voice.
"Yeah, he wants to see you." That in itself was unusual.
"Let's go then." Garcia said enthusiastically.
They headed to Reid's room and Morgan peered his head round the door. Reid looked back at him expectantly.
Garcia was the first to enter the room moving quickly towards him but stopped midway and approached him slowly, gasping.
"Oh my god, my poor baby." She extended her arms out to him and carefully wrapped them around his shoulders. He reciprocated and rested his head on her shoulder.
"Hey Garcia." He said with a small smile.
"Oh my god, you're so hurt." She hugged him tighter as tears came down her face. She pulled back and stroked his face, taking in all of the bruises, cuts, stitches and swellings. Her face was horrified.
"It's nothing that won't heal." He said with a smile.
Morgan shot Hotch a look. He frowned in return.
JJ then approached for a hug.
"Hey Spence. It's so good to see you. We were so worried." She moved in for a hug. As her face rested against the side of Reid's then she pulled away and put a hand to his head and the back of his neck. "Are you okay? You're sweating."
He furrowed his brows.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a bit warm."
"Are you in pain?" JJ asked, clearly worried.
"Not much." He shrugged, lying.
Rossi moved to the other side of the bed and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Good to see you, kid."
Prentiss followed with another hug, also surprised to feel how wet Reid's forehead and hair appeared to be.
"You sure you're okay, Reid?" She asked carefully.
Reid gave a casual nod with an expression that communicated he didn't understand what they were fussing about. His gaze landed on Hotch and Morgan who were looking at him curiously.
"Am I in trouble?" He asked with slight amusement in his eyes.
Hotch gave a tight lipped smile, it didn't reach his eyes.
"Of course not, Reid. I've been worried about you." Hotch said by way of explanation.
"Have they said how long you have to stay here?" Garcia asked, pulling a chair up next to the bed.
"I've no idea." Reid's eyes appeared to lose focus for a moment and he blinked firmly. "The uh, doctor needs to do a check up." He brought a hand up to his eye and rubbed.
"You alright?" Morgan asked, noticing the movement.
Reid turned his head to look at him but it was clear his eyes seemed to almost glance past him.
"Yeah." He breathed out.
"You sure?" Hotch moved towards him now. Reid's eyes seemed to come back into focus.
"Yeah, sorry. Just felt a bit dizzy."
"There's probably too many of us in here." Prentiss noted. "Do you want some of us to leave?"
"Not at all." Reid responded quickly, shaking his head and giving a small smile. He rested his head back into the pillow. "So I assume my apartment is a crime scene right now?"
Rossi's brows furrowed at his tone. It was so casual. Almost amused. "Yeah. It is." He said incredulously.
Reid closed his eyes and laughed a little. "Won't be going back there for a while then." He said tiredly.
Garcia took his hand.
"Do you really want to? I mean, I can help you find a new place, if you like?" Her voice was gentle and concerned.
Reid still hadn't opened his eyes and seemed to just hum a response.
Garcia looked to the others, her eyes flashing worriedly. They were all carefully watching him.
"Reid?" She squeezed his hand and shook it. He opened his eyes and rolled his head forwards to look at her. His eyes were unfocused and he hadn't seemed to take in what she had said.
"Hmm?"
"I'm getting a doctor." Hotch said suddenly, leaving the room.
Garcia put a hand to his shoulder. "God, Reid, you're soaked." His gown was drenched in sweat.
"'mkay" He said, words slurring. Morgan was quickly at his side.
"Rest your head back for me, kid. Just relax." He looked to the rest of the team. "Something's wrong."
"Mor-n." Reid tried to call out but his words were too slurred. He started breathing heavily through his nose. His eyelids were drooping as he tried to keep his focus on Morgan.
Morgan put his arm around his shoulders. "Jeez." He grimaced as he felt how wet Reid was. It was hard to tell by looking at the hospital gown. "Okay, Reid, just breathe for me. Deep breaths."
Reid rested his head against Morgan's chest, closing his eyes again. Garcia still had hold of his hand and she squeezed to comfort him. He squeezed back weakly.
"Where is the doctor?" Morgan's voice was panicked now. Prentiss rushed to the door looking out. She turned and shrugged. She was clearly worried now too.
"Reid?" Garcia shook his hand. "Reid!"
Reid's head slumped further against Morgan's chest as he clearly lost consciousness.
"Shit!" Morgan looked to Rossi. " Hit the emergency button!"
Rossi quickly hit the button as Morgan unwrapped his arm from around Reid and pushed him back into the pillow.
"Oh god. Oh god." Garcia now had her face in her hands. She moved towards JJ who looked equally distressed.
The alarms rang out loudly and suddenly a host of medical professionals led by Dr. Marston were in the room with a crash cart.
"Clear the room, please." She ordered. They all moved themselves back into the corner of the room not wanting to leave.
"Dr. Reid?" Dr. Marston tried to rouse him as others hooked him up to machines. "He's breathing."
They all buzzed around him attaching various machines to check his stats. Dr. Marston was feeling his abdomen, a look of concern crossing her face.
"He's tachycardic and hypotensive." A female nurse called out urgently.
"He's going into shock. We need a surgical consult right away."
A nurse approached the team.
"We need you to wait outside please." She opened the door directing them out.
"What's happening?" Garcia asked desperately.
"Come on, Garcia." Hotch grabbed her by the arm and guided her out of the room.
The team were back in the waiting room. They were all restless. Morgan in particular was pacing the room back and forth. They hadn't been told anything since they were told to leave the room.
"Why won't they tell us what is going on?" JJ lamented gesturing towards the door. "This is ridiculous, they can't just kick us out and not tell us anything."
"What if something bad has happened and they just don't want to tell us?" Garcia said, her eyes widening.
Rossi moved to comfort her.
"I'm sure that's not the case. They will be focusing on taking care of him first and foremost." He put his arm around her shoulders.
Tears traced down Garcia's cheeks again.
"What have they done to him? He looked such a mess." She sobbed. "And now he's really sick. How could they do this to him?"
Rossi squeezed her shoulders.
"I know, Penelope." He said in understanding.
Suddenly Dr. Marston entered the room. Morgan shot straight towards her.
"What's going on?"
She put her hand to Morgan's shoulder comfortingly. "He's in surgery. We suspect he may have had some internal bleeding, most likely from his small intestine. He's undergoing an emergency Laparotomy to locate the source of the bleeding."
Morgan dropped down into a chair, his head in his hands. This was about the limit of what he could take.
"Will he be okay?" Hotch asked.
Her face said it all.
"Until they know the extent of the bleeding it's difficult to provide a prognosis."
"Did you not check him for this?!" Morgan asked angrily.
"There was no indication of internal bleeding. His examination was normal, so were his stats. There was no reason to suspect internal bleeding on his admission. These are normally the sort of injuries you would expect from a car accident. If it's a slow bleed it wouldn't necessarily show symptoms until further down the line."
Hotch closed his eyes.
"They hit and kicked him over and over in the abdomen." Morgan shook his head. "I told the admissions doctor this. They were brutal!" Morgan's anger was boiling over. He was sick and tired of Reid being let down by people.
"I understand that Agent Morgan. I can assure you, we did everything required on his admission. Slow bleeds can be hard to identify and often don't show up on scans. We are doing all we can for him."
Morgan stood and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
"I'm sorry." Hotch apologised on his behalf.
"No need to apologise. You have all been through a lot and I know how upsetting this is. We will keep you updated as much as possible but I can't say how long he will be in surgery at this point, so it might be wise for some of you to get some rest."
"Thank you." Hotch said politely. Dr. Marston left the room leaving them all to process the information they had just received.
"Will he ever catch a break?" Prentiss asked, with a sigh. "Injuries consistent with a car accident. I mean, come on! How badly did they beat him?" Her face was a picture of disgust and disbelief.
Rossi shook his head.
"They were big guys and Reid isn't exactly 'well built'"
"He's got no weight on him." JJ added, shaking her head depressively. She had been floored by the news.
"What if he doesn't make it?" Garcia looked around the room, her eyes terrified and her voice small.
"Don't." JJ said angrily. "I can't think like that. He's going to be fine."
"But we don't know that, JJ. He's in surgery and they don't know what they are going to find and if it's bad what if they can't do anything?" Garcia's voice was picking up pace now, her hands were shaking. "We can't lose him. Not after everything he's been through. We can't lose him like this."
Hotch uncharacteristically moved to sit next to her and put his arm around her. She stared at him for a few moments, tears running down her face then rested her head on his chest, breaking down. Hotch didn't say anything, he was incredibly pale. There was nothing he could say. Garcia had expressed their deepest fears and they all knew it. To provide any reassuring words at this point would just mean lying to themselves.
All they could do was wait.
Hotch headed out of the emergency room doors and into the cool air. He breathed in deeply, it was refreshing after spending hours in the stuffy hospital atmosphere. He loosened his tie and opened the top button on his shirt.
He didn't know if it was the change in atmosphere but he suddenly realised how tired he was. He closed his eyes for a few moments and rubbed his eyes with his hand.
Reid had been in surgery for an hour and a half now and they still had no news. The tension in all of their bodies and minds had been relentless. None of them could relax.
Morgan had returned to the room after half an hour and hadn't spoken since. Then he disappeared again fifteen minutes ago. This is what had drawn Hotch away from the waiting room.
He looked across the walkway to see a dark hunched over figure with his head in his hands. He moved towards him and sat down.
Morgan lifted his head but didn't say anything. They both sat in silence for a good minute, deep in contemplation.
"This isn't your fault, Morgan." Hotch said.
"Save it, Hotch." Morgan snapped.
Hotch's usual scowl deepened and he turned to his colleague.
"Blaming yourself isn't going to help him."
Morgan sucked an irritated breath in between gritted teeth.
"Tell me you aren't doing the exact same thing and I'll listen. Everything that has happened could have been prevented. Twice he's been left on his own with these sick fucks when he should have been safe with us... I should have just shot the son of a bitch as soon as he opened the door."
Hotch took his gaze away from Morgan and down to his hands.
"You're not trained to do that." He said simply.
"Fuck training, Hotch. The second I saw him I knew something was wrong. I froze." He shook his head, disgusted with himself.
Hotch looked at him again seriously.
"Okay, so you shoot him. Where was Reid?"
Morgan just shook his head again, putting his head into his hands.
"Morgan, where was Reid at that moment?"
"They had a knife to his throat." Morgan sighed.
"So, you shoot John. What happens to Reid?" Morgan ran an agitated hand over his head. "They likely cut his throat." Hotch continued. His gaze softened. "You made the right call, Morgan."
"He probably would have preferred to die than go through what they did to him."
"Don't say that." Hotch said firmly.
"He was going to kill himself after Jason." Morgan said, his voice shaking. Hotch looked shocked.
"What?"
"He was going to slit his wrists after stabbing Jason, but he couldn't keep hold of the knife." Morgan rubbed his eyes with his hand in a fruitless attempt to keep himself calm.
Hotch's mouth dropped open a little. Words evaded him for a few moments.
"He told you this?"
"He told JJ."
"You can't take that too seriously, Morgan. He was under extreme stress, his mind will have been all over the place."
"And what now, Hotch? Where will his mind be? 'Cause I know where mine would be if I had to deal with what I dealt with as a kid again." He looked at Hotch, his eyes glistening with tears.
"Reid's strong. He'll pull through." Hotch said confidently. He couldn't tell himself anything else right now.
"Maybe it would be best for him if he doesn't come out of surgery." Morgan said depressively. Hotch's gaze turned angry.
"You don't believe that." He said incredulously.
"What if I do?" Morgan stared at him seriously. Hotch examined him carefully.
"Go home, Morgan."
"No way, I'm not going anywhere."
"You are not in the right state of mind to be here. Go home."
Morgan stood, rounding on his boss.
"Not in the right state of mind? Who the hell do you think has looked after him all these months? And now you don't trust me to be here?!"
"You have just told me that you think it would be better if Reid dies. Which I don't believe for a second, but the fact you said it at all tells me you shouldn't be here."
Morgan's eyes flooded with pain as he stared at Hotch. Hotch met his gaze unflinchingly. He collapsed back down onto the bench.
Hotch brought his hand to his mouth in stress. His mind drifted to the conversation he had with Gideon on Reid's 24th birthday.
"Imagine what he'll know by 50."
Imagine what he'll know by 30. Hotch thought. That the world is a cruel, sick and dark place. That's if he even makes it to 30.
He was so young, innocent and full of hope back then. Thirsty for every experience the job could give him. Then Tobias happened and some of that enthusiasm and innocence was knocked out of him. He had seen and experienced things that no 25 year old should ever have to. But his unbelievable strength won out. He was never quite the same but he was Reid again. Then Gideon left. Some of the shine left his eyes for a while but was soon back on his feet, consuming knowledge, improving his skills, building his empathy to further understand the motivations that drove those they were chasing. And now, at 29 he was living the worst year of his life, exposed to some of life's most sadistic people. His youthful innocence completely shattered. Reid hadn't looked the same since Jason. The light had left his eyes. Even when he smiled there was too much darkness in them. They had seen too much, experienced too much pain.
Will those eyes even want to see 50? Hotch mused.
"I'm sorry." Morgan's voice broke. "I didn't mean it."
Hotch sighed, pulling his mind away from his thoughts.
"Morgan, I know you're the last person in the world who would want to lose Reid." Hotch said, stoically. "There's nothing you could ever say that would make me believe otherwise."
"I just don't know what to do, Hotch. He was doing so well. That's all been ripped to shreds."
"Morgan, you don't have to do anything. You have done enough. Let someone else handle it this time."
"No. If he makes it through this, he's coming home with me. I'm not letting him out of my sight this time." Hotch looked concerned.
"Derek, you know that's not reasonable."
"I don't care. Until those guys are in prison and that whole operation is shut down I'm not taking my eyes off him. Hotch, you have no idea what they are capable of."
"Okay. Well we can talk about this later." Hotch said calmly, trying to diffuse Morgan's sudden alarm.
"There you are." Rossi was suddenly approaching the pair. "Reid is out of surgery! I've been looking for you everywhere."
"Is he okay?" Hotch asked, standing up quickly.
"He's going to be fine. They located the bleed and managed to stop it. It was in his small intestine as suspected. He's now stable and expected to make a full recovery." He said with a relieved smile.
"Oh thank god." Morgan breathed out. He felt light headed with relief. Rossi moved in to give him a hug, patting him firmly on the back as he did.
"He's going to be fine, kiddo."
Morgan sat at Reid's bedside in the dark. His chin resting in his hand and his eyes half lidded, drifting in between awareness and a restless sleep.
Reid had left recovery an hour before and had been sleeping in an anaesthetic induced state since. The team had gone home to rest once they knew Reid was stable but Morgan had refused to leave, despite Hotch's orders.
There was a knock at the door and Morgan prized his eyes open. A nurse stood at the door looking apologetic.
"I'm sorry, I just need to check his stats." She said with a smile.
Morgan nodded, giving a large yawn. The nurse moved in to the side of the bed and gently took Reid's arm fixing the cuff around it. Reid stirred a little as the cuff started tightening around his arm.
"Mor-n" He mumbled sleepily.
Morgan reached out and grabbed his free hand.
"I'm here, kid." He felt a squeeze on his hand and saw Reid's lips quirk upwards slightly for a split second. He squeezed back, a smile crossing his face.
The nurse pulled the cuff from Reid's arm and he slowly opened his eyes, looking at her. She tilted her head to look in his dazed eyes.
"Hello!" She said with a smile. "Welcome back." He blinked at her a few times clearing his vision. He licked his lips, his mouth was incredibly dry. He tried to sit forward a little to move himself up the bed but she put a hand to his shoulder. "Hey now, stay where you are. You have just had surgery. You need to rest." She kindly squeezed his shoulder and he closed his eyes, nodding a little. "Your friend is here." She said with a smile gesturing over to the other side of the bed.
Reid lazily turned his head towards Morgan.
"Hey kid." Morgan said gently. "How are you feeling?"
Reid looked at him through heavily lidded eyes and shook his head breathing out heavily through his nose. Morgan reached his hand out to gently stroke his head. "Go back to sleep. I will be here when you wake up." He felt another squeeze on his hand as Reid relaxed his head back into the pillow and instantly returned to slumber. The anaesthetic and blood loss had clearly done a number on him.
"I'm done now. Please let us know when he comes round properly as he will need a post-op check up." The nurse said with a kind smile.
"I will. Thank you." Morgan smiled back and then sat back in his chair still holding Reid's hand, happy in the knowledge that Reid was alive and safe. He rested his head back and allowed himself to drift off into sleep.