Bruno had thought he wasn't too sick. It was just a chest pain and an annoying cough. It was nothing he hadn't dealt with before. Sure, his muscles were sore, and it was a little hard to think and focus. His stomach was hurting pretty badly. He felt both too warm and too cold. And he was so tired, but he felt like he couldn't sleep. But he didn't think those were because he was sick. He'd been getting those feelings on and off for the past two years as he struggled to adjust to living in the walls. It was just bad luck that it was all hitting him at once when he had a small head cold.
That was what he told himself, and he wouldn't be convinced otherwise. He didn't know why Dolores had spilled his secret, or why Agustín and Julieta were acting like he was on his deathbed. He was fine. Maybe he wasn't great, but he was fine. At the very least he'd get better, whether Agustín and Julieta took care of him or not.
But he'd made a deal with Agustín, and he was too tired to try to find a way out of it. As much as he didn't want to take advantage of his family, and as risky as he knew returning to them would be, laying in an actual bed felt really nice. So did Julieta's fingers as they gently ran through his hair. He had just woken up from a nap shortly before she had gotten home for the evening, and he felt like he could fall right back asleep again.
He had wanted to be the one to tell his sister about the vision he'd seen. She always gave him the benefit of the doubt when it came to his visions, even when he didn't think he deserved it. If she was going to know about this vision then she needed to hear every explanation he had about it. But Agustín and Julieta tricked him.
They sat down to talk about the vision, just as Agustín said they would, but as they talked the two of them started to do little things that made Bruno's brain go fuzzy. Agustín would adjust the blanket that he was wrapped up in, or remind him to drink some water. Julieta would stroke his hair or brush at his back with her fingers, drawing little invisible pictures that he was so busy trying to imagine that he didn't really focus on the conversation itself.
He ended up dozing and drifting off while the others had the conversation around him, and Bruno knew they had done it on purpose. They had just used the promise of a serious conversation as a lure to get him to sit still for long enough for them to use their trickery against him, and he didn't appreciate it, even if it did feel really good.
He only half followed the conversation. Julieta knew about the vision now. She agreed with Bruno's decision to hide the vision from their mother, but she, like Agustín, didn't agree with his decision to hide himself in the walls, and he didn't understand why. Didn't they know this was the best way he could protect their daughter and the whole family? Couldn't they see that the family was better off without him there to upset the delicate balance of things?
"Shh," Julieta said quietly. She brushed Bruno's hair out of his face and kissed his forehead. "It's okay, Brunito." He groaned and leaned into her touch. He didn't know why she was shushing him. Had he groaned? Had he talked? He hadn't meant to make any noises. Had he talked without meaning to because he was sick, or because he'd been alone for so long that he didn't know how to keep his thoughts to himself anymore?
"Get some sleep, brother." Julieta said quietly.
"No." He groaned. He'd had enough of sleeping. He'd been sleeping all day. He was tired, but more than that he was tired of resting. "I don't want sleep."
His tone was far more whiny than he meant for it to be. Julieta didn't scold him for acting like a child. She was incredibly patient with him. Far more than he thought he deserved.
"Well, what do you want?' Julieta asked gently. Bruno frowned. He hadn't actually thought about it.
"I don't know." He said. His voice shook. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been asked what he wanted, and he didn't think it was just because his brain was foggy either. He remembered a lot of times when he'd been told what he should do for others, and he was always hyper-aware of the dark looks he was given when he tried to ask for something.
Julieta was asking what he wanted now. He wanted to be happy about it. He wanted to bask in his sister's attention. But he didn't feel happy, or relieved, or anything positive like that. He just felt tired and numb, and just a little bit sad. He didn't even know why he felt like this. What was wrong with him?
Tears came to Bruno's eyes. He whined and pulled his blanket up over his face, as though it would hide his distress from Julieta. He was scared that she would ask what was wrong. He wouldn't know what to do with that care. He didn't really know what was wrong, aside from just him in general. How was he supposed to explain that to her?
He was unspeakably relieved when she didn't address his breakdown. She just changed tactics.
"There are a few things we can do." She said. "I can get you something to eat. Or we can get you out of bed and stretch your legs" He could hear the smile in her voice. She gave him a playful nudge. "We can get you into some clean clothes."
Clean. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt clean. He'd found a way to bathe in Casita's walls, but being washed was different than being clean. He was used to his rats, and the sand, and all the dirt behind the walls. He got dirty before he even had the chance to appreciate being clean.
It hadn't really been something he had minded too much. He really hadn't noticed it. But now that the thought had crossed his mind, and he knew that Julieta had the means of getting him to be truly clean, he realized how nice that would feel.
"...I want to be clean." Bruno said quietly. He was almost ashamed to say it. He didn't really like the feeling of wanting something. "I want a bath."
Julieta made an odd sound that seemed alarmingly like a sob, and Bruno felt like panicking. This was why he didn't want to ask for things. It always ended up upsetting other people.
"Sorry." Bruno muttered. Julieta hushed him again.
"Don't apologize." She pulled the blanket down and gave him a hug. It was an awkward position for it, but Bruno loved the touch anyway. "We can get you a bath."
"Maybe not tonight." Agustín said. Julieta shot him a harsh look. He raised his hands defensively. "I just mean the family's home tonight. If Bruno doesn't want the family to know he's here, then maybe leaving the room when they're all here isn't going to work."
Bruno nodded. He didn't completely follow what Agustín said, but if it meant not confronting his family then he would definitely agree with it.
Julieta clicked her tongue. "You can't hide from our family forever."
He leaned against her. "I did for two years." If his hiding place hadn't been revealed he would have managed it indefinitely.
"And you're not doing it again." Julieta said sternly. She was using her 'mother' tone, and Bruno shuddered at the sound. Her tone reminded him of Mamá. He missed her, and he was so scared of her.
Agustín put a hand on her arm, soothing her. "Juli, why don't you check on the kids? I'll watch Bruno."
Julieta was unhappy. She didn't like leaving Bruno's side, but she knew that if she stayed locked up in her room it would attract the family's attention, and Bruno wasn't ready for that. Julieta leaned close to Bruno, looking him in the eyes so intensely that it made him a little nervous.
"Behave yourself." She warned. She kissed his cheek and brushed his hair back before leaving to check on the rest of the family. Bruno sat on the bed stunned for a long minute. He was used to Julieta being the passive one in their family. He didn't know what to do with this fiercely protective side of her.
Agustín sat on the bed next to Bruno. "So, I know why you're scared of Alma. I get it. But why are you avoiding the whole family? You know they'll just be happy to see you."
No, Bruno did not know that, and he didn't believe it for a second. The kids would be ecstatic to see him, because they weren't really old enough to understand how dangerous he really was. But just because the kids were excited, and Julieta and Agustín were far too forgiving and hopeful, didn't mean that Pepa would be the same.
"Not Pepa." He insisted. Agustín frowned at him.
"Why not?" Agustín asked. Bruno didn't know why he was asking him. He had thought it was pretty obvious. Pepa had made it very clear how she felt about Bruno, even years before he had left. He didn't know why anything would have changed.
Bruno shrugged and pulled the blanket up over his head again. He didn't want to talk about how he had heard Pepa shoot down any conversation about him for the past two years. He didn't want to hear Agustín talk about how they could fix their relationship when Bruno just being himself was the reason why things had fallen apart in the first place.
Pepa didn't want him, and that was fine. Bruno wasn't about to force his presence on her. It would just upset her, and then they would have a storm that threw off everyone in town. He would just become a burden to everybody, and he had enough of that. Why should he seek it out?
Agustín was waiting for an answer, but Bruno didn't want to talk to him. Not about Pepa. Not about how wrong he was. He thought Agustín and Julieta would understand him, but they didn't. They thought he was a fool, and they were treating him like one of their children. It was demeaning and more than a little frustrating and humiliating, but at the same time he also liked the care he was given. The conflict gave him a headache.
Two minutes ago he hadn't wanted sleep, but now he longed for that oblivion.
Agustín sighed. "Okay, hermano. Get some rest. Julieta will be back soon." He was probably hoping that Bruno would talk to her about Pepa. He didn't want to, because he thought it would just upset his sister, but he didn't bother saying as much to Agustín. He didn't want to start a fight, or to be told that he was wrong. He just wanted a break.
He laid there and just stared at the wall. He wasn't sleepy, but he was too tired to do anything else. Agustín probably knew he wasn't sleeping, but he didn't try to talk to him more. They were in an awkward silence until Bruno's exhaustion got the better of him and he dozed off. He didn't really sleep. It was a half asleep state where he wasn't really thinking about anything, but a few hours passed in what felt like no time. He jolted back to awareness when he felt Julieta brushing her fingers through his hair again.
"Go back to sleep." Julieta said. Bruno sighed and sat up.
"I wasn't sleeping." He said. Julieta didn't look like she believed him, but that was nothing new.
"I'm sorry for overwhelming you." Julieta said, and he didn't entirely understand what she meant. When had she overwhelmed him? "I'm just worried about you."
"You're always worried about me." Bruno muttered. "Everybody is always worried about me." It made him feel like a failure. He didn't want to disappoint his family so much, but he didn't really know what he was doing wrong. How was he supposed to stop?
"We're family." Julieta said. "It's our job to worry about each other." He wanted to believe her, but he also knew that she worried about him much more than she worried about Pepa, and she showed it a lot differently as well.
He didn't know how he was supposed to explain that in a way she would understand, so he kept his thoughts to himself.
Julieta ruffled his hair, making a sound of amusement and slight disgust as sand fell out of his hair. "I don't understand it. You're not a desert. Hasn't your hair gotten the message?"
Bruno shorted and just shook his head aggressively. It made his head ring painfully and he almost regretted it, but the shocked sound that Julieta made when grains of sand fell out of his hair. That sound made it worth it.
"The family's gone to sleep." Julieta said. "We can get you that bath now, if you want."
Bruno smiled at his sister. "You're just going to turn me into a beach instead of a desert."
Julieta rolled her eyes. "You think you're funny, don't you?"
"I do." Bruno said. "Because I am." There wasn't a doubt in his mind about that.
Despite Julieta's annoyance she giggled. Bruno smiled. He hadn't heard her like this since they were children. She put a hand on Bruno's arm. She pulled him out of bed. He'd been feeling so weak while lying in bed, but he wanted to get up now. He wanted to walk around the house. He wanted to wash his hair out. He wanted to do whatever Julieta wanted and make his sister happy.
Casita, as always, was great at anticipating their needs. There was a tub full of warm, but not hot, water waiting for them. Bruno didn't hesitate to undress. He'd grown up with Julieta. He didn't really have anything to hide from her. At least, he didn't think he did, but as he pulled his shirt off he heard her gasp in alarm.
"What?" Bruno looked around. "What's wrong?"
"You…you're so skinny." Julieta said. Her voice broke.
"Huh?" Bruno looked down at himself. He didn't see what was wrong. Julieta put a hand on his chest, rubbing her hand over his chest. He blinked and looked at the way that his ribs were sticking out. "Oh. I guess I am."
Julieta put a hand on his cheek and made him turn his head and look at her. Her eyes were full of so much sadness. Bruno's stomach twisted in guilt. He had upset his sister, and he didn't really know how.
"You don't take care of yourself." Julieta said. "And you don't even realize what you've done."
Bruno grimaced. "Sorry." He didn't try to not take care of himself. It just happened.
Julieta sighed and hugged him. "And you wonder why I worry about you."
Tears came to Bruno's eyes. He sniffled and leaned against his sister. "I'm sorry." He didn't really know what he was apologizing for. He just knew that he was incredibly sorry.
"It's okay." Julieta said. Bruno didn't know how to believe her. "We're taking care of you now."
It was reassuring, but he also dreaded it. He didn't want to burden his sister. She had enough on her plate as it was. But he couldn't say that he could take care of himself, because she could see with her own eyes that he apparently couldn't. He tried, and he just wasn't good at it.
Julieta held him for a long time. He thought that he could stay in her hold forever, but then everything felt stifling and too heavy. He shifted slightly, and Julieta let him go. She wiped her eyes, and he did the same with his. He finally got into the bath and he groaned at the feeling. It felt so good.
He didn't like the feeling or scent of the soap the family used, and Julieta didn't force him to do so. She just let him lounge in the water as she focused on his hair.
He dozed off again as she washed his hair and spoke quietly to him. He occasionally hummed in acknowledgement of her words, though he didn't really understand her words. They went in one ear and out the other. The words themselves didn't really matter. He found comfort in the sound of her voice. He only focused when he heard her say their sister's name.
Bruno sat up, grimacing when the sudden movement made Julieta accidentally pull on his hair.
"What?" Bruno looked at Julieta. "What about Pepa?"
Julieta gave him a slightly scolding look as she returned to working on his hair. "I was just saying that Agustín mentioned your reluctance to talk to Pepa. Can you tell me why?"
Bruno didn't understand why she was even asking. "I thought it was obvious." He said. "She doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Don't be ridiculous." Julieta said. Bruno felt indignant about being dismissed like this.
"I'm not." He said. Julieta made a sound that was nearly a scoff.
"Give me one good reason why you think she wouldn't." Julieta said. Bruno could do that with ease.
"The wedding." Bruno said. Julieta groaned.
"The wedding." Julieta's displeased tone made Bruno want to shrink down into himself. "It's been thirteen years. I don't understand why you two are obsessed with holding onto it after all these years."
Bruno's stomach sank. How was he supposed to just forget about it and move on when he knew Pepa was still bothered by it? He'd been an idiot and accidentally ruined the biggest day of her life. He didn't think she even knew it was an accident, and he didn't know how to try to tell her without making it sound like he was just trying to make excuses for himself.
"Brunito, one mistake isn't enough to make Pepa hate you." Julieta said. "Especially not one as silly as this.
Bruno gripped his upper arm. "I don't think Pepa hates me." He muttered. That was far too intense an emotion for Pepa to be bothered with. Emotions were hard for her to handle, what with all the wind and the rain. Bruno had always brought strong emotions out in Pepa, whether positive or negative. It seemed exhausting.
"I make her feel strongly." Bruno said. "And I know she doesn't like it." Just like how Bruno didn't like all of the conflicting emotions that came with being around part of his family again. "It's easier for her if I'm not around." And if he didn't get his hopes up, it would be easier for him as well.
Bruno didn't see the problem. Sometimes families were just better off when they weren't near each other. As they said, distance makes the heart grow fonder. It hurt to be so close to his sister, and yet so far, but this pain was better than the hurt he would feel if she pushed him away.
He was doing them both a favor, and he wished that Julieta would see that.
Julieta hummed to herself. "Yes, intense emotions come with caring about people, and Pepa has always felt things very intensely. But you can't avoid her just because you make her feel. It's not good for either of you."
"It works fine." Bruno said petulantly.
"No, it doesn't." Julieta said. "You're scared of your own sister. How is that fine?" Bruno wasn't given the time to come up with a response. "Just think about Felíx and Camilo. The two of them drive Pepa up the wall. They make her incredibly happy, and sad, and incredibly furious, and you know she wouldn't have it any other way."
"Yeah, but…but that's different." Bruno said. "They're her family."
Julieta hugged him from behind, uncaring that she was getting her clothes wet. "You're her family too." Bruno didn't know how to respond to that. He knew they were family, but it didn't feel the same. He couldn't explain why, and he felt like if he tried he would just end up frustrating both of them.
"Can you just think about it?" Julieta asked. "That's all I'm asking."
It sounded like a lot, but she wasn't actually asking for that much. She wasn't begging him to talk to their sister. She wasn't forcing him to get over himself and just apologize, as though that would fix everything. All she wanted was for him to think about what she had said. He could do that. He really could.
"Okay." Bruno said. Julieta leaned against him, tightening her hug. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch. It still felt like too much, but at the same time it wasn't enough. He didn't really know what he wanted, and he hated it.
"Thank you." She muttered. "I know all of this is hard for you." And it was hard, but Bruno felt like it shouldn't be. Normal people didn't have a crisis at the thought of talking to their sister. Normal people didn't struggle just to know what they wanted. He didn't know why it was so difficult for him. It made him feel weak and pathetic.
For Julieta to acknowledge his struggles, it was humiliating, and also incredibly validating. Having the two emotions fighting against each other made his stomach churn. Why did his head always make everything so complicated?
"I wish I was normal." He said quietly.
"I don't." Julieta said. "You're you, and I would never want you to be anybody else."
"Even with my curse?" Bruno asked. She released him, only to move her position so she was at Bruno's side instead of behind him. She leaned her forehead against his.
"Even with your gift." Julieta promised. Bruno felt his heart break. He whimpered and broke down, crying against his sister again. He hadn't thought of his visions as a gift since he was a child. Nobody else had called it a gift and meant it sincerely. He could hear in Julieta's voice that she meant it. She didn't see his visions as a burden, or a curse, or anything like that. She thought it was a gift just like any other.
He didn't understand how. All his gift had done was hurt people. Julieta had to know that, but she still accepted it. She still accepted him.
"I don't understand." He said brokenly.
"I know." Julieta said. "But we'll help you get there." Bruno didn't know how they could, but Julieta sounded like she knew what she was talking about, and it was more than what Bruno could say. He didn't know if he believed her, but he trusted her. He had to.