Author's note:
This fic is rated M for: language, gore, major character death, possible future smut and other maybe triggering topics.
This is an updated version of chapter one after I acquired a beta reader!
Huge, big thanks to something rotten in the air for beta reading this chapter.
This is my first time publishing fanfiction so please excuse any ooc-ness.
I hope you like the chapter!
Chapter 1
Severus
The Hospital Wing of Hogwarts was bathed in moonlight flooding in through the large windows. It was quiet, the only sound
the wind whistling through the ancient castle. The light of a wand filtered through the layers of privacy curtains surrounding the beds.
Severus Snape stood, staring at that light, chastising himself for not leaving. His muscles were weak with exhaustion and all he wanted to do was collapse onto his bed and fade into the bittersweet oblivion of sleep. So why was he still standing here, staring at that light filtering through the gauzy curtain surrounding Hermione Granger's hospital bed?
Perhaps it was because two minutes ago, as he had buttoned up his shirt after Poppy had healed him, footsteps had echoed through the large room. Too heavy to be Poppy, too soft to be Minerva.
Perhaps it was because he had known exactly what the familiar gait of the headmaster had meant approaching the now awake Miss Granger.
The headmaster had told Poppy to inform him the moment Miss Granger awoke.
It had not even been forty-eight hours since Lupin had carried the half-dead girl into the chaos of the Hospital Wing after Potter and his gang of foolhardy children had gone to the Ministry of Magic. Poppy didn't have enough experience treating Dark Magic to help the girl. But Severus did. As soon as he saw the girl's chest, he recognised Dolohov's work.
There was a thick line of blackened, burnt skin starting below the girl's collarbone and running diagonally across her chest down to her sternum. The image of her small body laid on the hospital bed – skin pale and covered with a sheen of sweat, making the black of her wounded chest and the blue of her bruised ribs stand out horridly as unfocused brown eyes welled with tears – had been burnt into Severus's mind.
He had done everything he could for her, brewed a dozen potions, used every powerful healing spell to bring her back from the brink of death. Perhaps that was why he now stood there in the Hospital Wing, separated from the girl and the headmaster only by some privacy screens.
All that time putting the Gryffindor girl back together and now the headmaster had to come and break her apart again in a new but no less painful way.
Faintly, the headmaster's voice floated to Severus's ears.
"Good evening, Miss Granger."
"S-sir..." The girl's voice was hoarse.
"How are you feeling, Miss Granger?"
"I'm..." Granger's words trailed off.
"Forgive me, my dear. I know you must be shaken up. In this case, I meant how you feel physically."
"Oh... Sore, sir."
"Of course. That is to be expected."
"How long have I been out, sir?"
"Almost two days, Miss Granger. You were hit with a dark curse. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape saw to your healing as soon as you arrived back at the castle. It was a very lucky thing, my dear, that the curse was weakened when cast wordlessly."
Miss Granger's shaky breaths echoed through the Hospital Wing.
"My friends, are they..."
"Mr Longbottom and Miss Lovegood's injuries were thankfully not serious. Madam Pomfrey healed them quickly."
"Harry-"
"Is asleep now. He's alright."
"Was he hurt, sir?"
"Not physically. But I'm afraid Sirius is no longer with us. Harry took the death of his godfather rather hard – as is to be expected."
The softest saddest, "Oh" was barely heard.
"Is- What about Ron, sir?" The girl's voice was shaking.
Severus could see it in his mind's eye. Dumbledore would lay a grandfatherly hand on the girl's arm, saying everything in a single gesture. "I'm sorry, Miss Granger..."
"No."
"When the Aurors arrived, Ronald was already gone. A dark curse had taken his life."
A sound like a wounded animal escaped the girl.
"No... Oh, God…"
Severus winced. Memories of the night Lily died swarming his mind with cruel nostalgia.
"I didn't – I didn't know – I didn't mean to."
"Miss Granger?"
"I tried to heal him, but nothing I did worked."
Severus went cold.
She had tried to heal him. Fuck.
"I didn't mean to leave him." Granger sobbed.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered and Severus knew she was not speaking to the headmaster.
Severus recalled the night of Lily's death.
ImsorryImsorryImsorry repeated over and over like a mantra.
The headmaster whispered comforting words, but Severus knew they would fall on deaf ears.
Severus knew the girl's pain. He had become intimately familiar with the weight of guilt. No comforting words would dull that pain. That poisonous mixture of grief and guilt would break her down, reduce her to ash.
Granger's sobs were suddenly muffled. She had clapped a hand over her mouth. But raw wails still slipped out. For a moment, Severus would have done anything. Damn the Order, damn Dumbledore, damn the war. He would do anything, tell her it was his fault not hers, put everything at risk to stop that horrible sound.
Severus expected savage satisfaction at knowing someone finally knew the torture he was going through. Knew the weight of his guilt. Especially when that someone was Potter's little know-it-all friend. But seeing his own pain reflected in Hermione Granger made something deep inside him ache. It opened wounds that had scabbed over with bitterness.
Severus fled, then. He could not hear her cries any longer. He did not need the weight of her guilt and grief on him, his own was already crushing him.
Author's note: Apologies for the short chapter. Future chapters will be much longer. (;
Any and all reviews welcome including criticism, even if it's just an emoji it would make my day!